Monday Night Raw
Date: August 7, 2006
Location: FedEx Forum, Memphis, Tennessee
Attendance: 10,000
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We’re coming up on Summerslam but this week’s show is going to be interesting in a bad way. The roster is fresh off of an Australia tour so there is a good chance that they are going to be absolutely spent. I certainly can’t blame them for that, but it can make for a dull show. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

The opening recap looks at Umaga beating down Shawn Michaels last week to set up Umaga vs. HHH this week.

We look at Graceland to start….and now it’s Vince and Shane McMahon in Elvis suits. Shane talks about leaving Shawn all shook up last week and HHH was dancing to the jailhouse rock last week because of those cigars. Shawn even wound up at the heartbreak hotel because of a hunka-hunka burning Shane.

Vince says he’s going to be cruel tonight when HHH faces Umaga. Shane: “You ain’t nothing but a hound dog.” Vince: “I wanna thank you very much Elvis.” Vince likes Shane’s look, but everyone needs to know something: Elvis has left the building. This was AMAZING and needs to be seen (though pesky music rights mean it’s not on the Network).

Opening sequence.

Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Mickie James

James is defending….for about four seconds as Edge and Lita interrupt before they can even lock up. Edge says this match is over and he’s taking over Raw. So much for that.

Edge tells Trish to stay because she needs to hear this. It’s not fair that he has to defend the title against John Cena in Cena’s hometown of Boston and if he is disqualified, he loses the title. So NO, it isn’t fair that he has to put up with more than anyone in this company. Edge demands the Summerslam poster be put on screen, which features DX, John Cena, Trish and Batista (Edge: “You have to get him on there before he gets injured again.”).

There’s no Edge, but he has a makeup picture because he can be on the cover of Raw Magazine. It’s a blonde from Toronto who looks like a million bucks and…..of course it’s Trish in rather limited clothing. Edge doesn’t like being bumped by someone who hasn’t won a match in over a year. Lita gets in Trish’s face and backs her into the corner but Trish comes out slapping. That’s broken up by Edge so Lita spears Trish down. Cue Carlito for the save but Edge spears him down, likely meaning a mixed tag later.

There is a one hour Diva Search special coming. Nope. This isn’t on the Network.

Kane vs. Shelton Benjamin

The winner gets Johnny Nitro, on commentary with Melina, for the Intercontinental Title. Shelton strikes away to start with little success as Kane grabs him by the throat. Kane takes him into the corner for some right hands, followed by a running clothesline. There’s the side slam but Shelton counters the chokeslam with a DDT. The second attempt works just fine though and Benjamin is done in a hurry.

Video on the Australia tour. This wasn’t on the Network either. Must be a music thing.

Here’s John Cena for a chat. He doesn’t get this Edge guy. Edge is always talking about respect, but he’s already the WWE Champion. Maybe he isn’t on the Summerslam poster because his face scared children. Apparently Edge has a 7-11 deal going and Lita is a part of it. Imagine: Slurpees for Herpes! Cena: “You can’t stop it. You can only suppress it.” Cena has a consolation prize though: Edge can be on the cover of Crying B**** Illustrated.

That’s enough fun though because Edge needs to get out here right now. Cue Jonathan Coachman instead though and Cena isn’t happy. Coach says Edge isn’t out here tonight because he and Lita are teaming up against Carlito and Trish Stratus. If Cena wants to fight though, Coach has an opponent ready for him.

John Cena vs. Viscera

Joined in progress with Viscera hitting the snap spinwheel kick to put Cena down. Viscera hits the big running splash in the corner to put Cena on the floor. That’s good for two back inside but Cena slugs away with the right hands. The slam goes rather badly though and Cena has to kick out again. The chinlock goes on but Cena fights up again and slugs away, setting up the Throwback. Cena tries the Shuffle but is quickly countered into the Boss Man Slam. Viscera misses the splash though and Cena hits the FU (those legs were SHAKING) for the quick pin.

Rating: D+. I know Cena might not be the most popular guy in the world, but being able to throw someone the size of Viscera onto his shoulders and flip him over (without his legs buckling) is one of the most impressive things you’ll see in wrestling. That is raw power and Cena looks like a superhero when he gets to showcase it. The whole match was just there for the ending and that worked fine.

This Week In Wrestling History: Showdown At Shea 1980. Zbyszko vs. Sammartino isn’t mentioned for some reason.

Vince and Shane McMahon are with the security guards but Shane has to go take care of something.

Trish Stratus is freaking out with Carlito, who she kisses to blow off some steam.

Shane goes looking for Shawn Michaels but finds the Highlanders, Candice Michelle and Torrie Wilson, but no Shawn. Instead he heads back to the locker room but Shawn jumps him from behind. The beatdown is on, with Shawn hitting a cop by mistake to get himself arrested, leaving HHH on his own tonight against Umaga. Dang that’s a coincidence.

Edge/Lita vs. Carlito/Trish Stratus

Carlito slugs away at Edge to start but gets sent face first into the middle turnbuckle. Some running clotheslines put Edge down though and it’s off to the women for a change. Trish takes Lita down to hammer away but Edge breaks up the Stratusphere. The chinlock goes on and a hair pull sends Trish right back down. Lita sends her face first into the mat but Trish is back up with the spinning headscissors. Everything breaks down and a double dropkick puts Edge and Lita on the floor as we take a break.

Back with Edge chinlocking Carlito until Edge sends him outside. That means Lita can get some shots before Edge brings him back inside for a double arm crank. Carlito jawbreaks his way to freedom though and it’s the springboard elbow to put Edge down. The hot tag brings in Trish to beat up Lita, including countering the Twist of Fate into a spinebuster for two. Everything breaks down and Edge’s spear hits Trish, earning himself a trip to the floor. Ever the opportunist, Lita steals the pin.

Rating: C. You can only get so much out of a mixed tag and that was the case again here. They had two matches going at once with the tags bridging them together, which doesn’t make for much of a match. Lita pinning Trish worked fine enough, but you could think the World Champion pinning Carlito would be a little more acceptable.

Smackdown Rebound.

Randy Orton isn’t impressed by Hulk Hogan having a torn meniscus because it’s just a way for him to get out of their Summerslam match.

Here’s Ric Flair, carrying a copy of Foley Is Good (Mick Foley’s second book). Flair talks about being from Memphis before saying he has spent ten years trying to figure out what makes Mick Foley tick. Everyone told him to read his second book, which was a look inside Foley’s head. Flair drops the book and stomps on it, followed by a knee drop for good measure.

That’s what Flair thinks of the book, except for one page. On Page 169, Foley lists his favorite matches, with his favorite being Terry Funk vs. Ric Flair. Foley knows he can’t beat Flair, but here’s Foley to say Flair has found out the secret. Yes the I Quit match with Funk was the greatest match he has ever seen and he can never be as good as Flair. Then they can have a classic at Summerslam and get Flair back to the top of the mountain where he deserved.

But that isn’t going to happen, because Flair didn’t help Foley back in 1994. Flair could have done something for his career but didn’t. Foley has made a vow to never do anything to help Flair in his life, so at Summerslam, Flair and Vince McMahon are invited to kiss his a** because the match isn’t happening.

Flair tells Foley to be a man one more time in his life because they can have the greatest hardcore match anyone has ever seen. He literally gets on his knees to beg Foley to make the match happen so Foley rants about Melina being embarrassed last week and wants an I Quit match at Summerslam. Flair gives it a WOO, but Foley says cut the music. After a career of great matches, Summerslam may be Flair’s greatest ever, but it may also be his last. Not as good as their previous stuff, but it kept things moving forward.

Randy Orton vs. Jerry Lawler

Lawler is in the all white and scores with the early slap to the face. An Irish whip sends Lawler into the ropes but he’s back with another slap. Orton rakes the eyes and dropkicks him down though, setting up the chinlock. That’s broken up and Lawler punches him down, only to miss the middle rope fist drop. The RKO doesn’t work so Orton kicks him low, setting up the RKO for the fast pin. This was just a step above nothing.

Jeff Hardy is coming back.

The Diva Search girls come out, Eric is eliminated and it’s time for Diss the Diva. Well in a minute maybe.

Summerslam rundown.

The Diva Search girls play Diss the Diva, no one likes anyone, and we’re done.

For some reason, the Hardy vignette, the pay per view rundown and both Diva Search segments are missing from the Network version.

HHH vs. Umaga

The McMahons and Armando Alejandro Estrada are here too. They slug it out to start with Umaga cutting him off with a headbutt. A low bridge puts Umaga on the floor though and a posting rocks him again. Back in and a spinwheel kick cuts HHH down without much trouble, meaning Umaga can sit on his chest. There’s the running headbutt in the Tree of Woe, followed by the running hip attack for a bonus.

Umaga headbutts the mat by mistake so HHH slugs away but has to deal with the McMahons. A missed charge sends Umaga into the corner but the Pedigree is broken up. The spinebuster gives HHH two as Vince pulls the referee out, meaning it’s time to beat up the McMahons. That’s enough of a distraction for Umaga to hit the Samoan Spike for the pin.

Rating: C-. Much like last week, this was all about advancing DX vs. the McMahon, but it also made Umaga look like a much bigger deal in a hurry. This was HHH walking Umaga through the match and letting him do his thing, which worked out well enough. Not a great match, but they did what they needed to do.

Post match, Umaga leaves the McMahons with HHH, allowing Vince to hit his own Pedigree to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. Most of the Summerslam card, or at least the top of it, is all set now and that makes some of the TV shows a little slow to watch. This one was acceptable enough though and you can see most of the matches already. I’m looking forward to the pay per view, but it’s a good thing that next week is the go home show as there isn’t much left to do for the show.

 

 

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NXT
Date: July 5, 2011
Location: Tucson Arena, Tucson, Arizona
Commentators: Todd Grisham, William Regal

We’re at episode 18 here and I’m truly starting to wonder something. I’ll be at the Smackdown/NXT tapings on August 2 and I’m honestly not sure if the new season will have started yet. This is already the longest season of the show so far and now all of a sudden we have three finalists instead of two. This could go on for awhile. Let’s get to it.

We recap the eliminations this season and the return of Derrick Bateman and his pro Daniel Bryan from last week. I still don’t get how this is fair or really needed.

Striker and Maryse bring out the rookies and pros. We go over the Redemption Points with Bateman of course in third place. Time for the Talk the Talk Challenge with the topic of why should you win. Young talks about how unfair it is to put Bateman back in after Young has spent 17 weeks working to get here and now without a pro.

Titus says he’s dominated the competition all over and actually makes it rain redemption points. That was kind of funny. Bateman says O’Neil said his football team is better than the local one. Bateman says he and Bryan are the best things to happen to the internet since kitten videos. He gets booed loudly and Titus wins, further proving that these Redemption Points are totally pointless.

We get a quick recap of Yoshi freaking over the broken action figure last week. Can’t say they’re repeating stuff with that one.

Yoshi Tatsu vs. Tyson Kidd

 

Well it was great last week so I can’t complain on a rematch. Grisham says it was five stars. The show is on the internet so that fits perfectly. Yoshi fires off some kicks (actually called Kawada kicks by Regal) and we go to the floor for a bit. Back inside Tyson hammers him down in the corner but can’t get a rollup. They head to the apron and Kidd blocks a suplex.

Kiss manages to kick him off the apron back first into the post. We take a break to talk about That’s What I Am which really shouldn’t stun me. Back with Kidd working on the back until Tatsu reverses a suplex into a cross body for two. Kidd hits a suplex and locks on a double chickenwing on the mat. Yoshi fights up and chops away including a kick to put Kidd down.

Tatsu goes up so Kidd tries the Kurt Angle run up for a (vertical in this case) suplex but gets dropped. Spinwheel kick catches Kidd in the hands so badly that Regal has to say it didn’t really hit. That gets two and Kidd dropkicks the shin. That sets up a Moss Covered Three Handled Family Credenza for the pin at 9:09. For those of you unfamiliar with the general insanity of Perry Saturn, it’s a fisherman’s suplex but instead of bridging back you spin the guy around like a neckbreaker.

Rating: C+. Well it wasn’t bad but to say the other match was better is a huge understatement. Too much resting going on here and nowhere near enough near falls to make this one work. Not bad, but given what they did last week it was going to be pretty hard to top it here. Still good though.

Profile on Derrick Bateman, who really shouldn’t have been eliminated last season, especially not while Johnny “so bland that white paint on growing grass calls you bland” Curtis was around.

Horny is still trying to give Maryse flowers. They happen to be dead and include Twizzlers and banana peels. She says that should get him a kiss but she hits him with the flowers instead. Titus can’t console him.

Titus O’Neil/Darren Young vs. Daniel Bryan/Derrick Bateman

 

According to Todd, Bateman was supposed to be part of this season but tore his MCL. Bateman and Young start us off with Bateman sending him to the floor. Off to Bryan for a little Nexus on Nexus violence. DB and DB work on Young’s arm but he’s able to fight off Bateman and bring in Titus.

That doesn’t last long and neither guy really gets anything going. Back to Young for a chinlock. Grisham says Regal could make a burning orphanage sound funny. When I woke up today, I didn’t think I’d hear that line. Titus slams Bateman down as the beating continues.

Young doesn’t do as well, allowing the hot tag to Bryan. He hits a running dropkick in the corner to Young, followed by a suplex and swan dive headbutt. Bryan backflips out of a suplex and staggers into the corner, tagging Bateman which I’m not sure was intentional. Bryan takes out O’Neil and Bateman grabs a headlock and drives Young’s head into the mat like a Skull Crushing Finale for the pin at 6:22.

Rating: C. Just a tag match here and not a very interesting one at all. The Bateman finisher was pretty weak an dit’s pretty clear that they’re going to have Bateman vs. O’Neil in the final two, assuming there is a final two. Nothing special here, but then again Bateman never was anything special in the ring.

The last 13 minutes of the show are used to completely reair the Vince/Cena closing segment from last night, which was good but I don’t want to see it all over again just 24 hours later.

Overall Rating: D+. Didn’t like this one at all as the whole show felt like filler. No mention of another elimination so based on the track record of this show so far, that means we’ll be here at least two more weeks. I was only half kidding earlier when I mentioned August 2 but it’s looking more and more possible. Didn’t like this as both matches were pretty bland and ¼ of the show is a segment from Raw. Nothing to see here at all.

Results

Titus O’Neil won the Talk the Talk Challenge

Tyson Kidd b. Yoshi Tatsu – Fisherman’s neckbreaker

Derrick Bateman/Daniel Bryan b. Darren Young/Titus O’Neil – Headlock into a facejam to Young

 

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Monday Night Raw
Date: July 1, 2013
Location: Gateway Arena, Sioux City, Iowa
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, John Bradshaw Layfield

We’re getting closer to Money in the Bank and we have the participants in the ladder matches already set. Other than that the world title scenes are ready with Ziggler challenging Del Rio and Cena defending against Henry. The card is looking good for the PPV and the TV leading up to it has been solid. Hopefully that keeps up tonight so let’s get to it.

Vickie opens us up, saying that we’ve got Cena vs. Del Rio later tonight. She sucks up to the McMahons a bit just to be safe.

Theme song.

Here’s Daniel Bryan to open things up but the crowd seems pretty stoic for him. There’s a ladder and the red briefcase over the ring. Bryan says last week the answer was clear: NO he is not the weak link. The new question is can Daniel Bryan ride the wave of momentum and win the MITB match at the PPV? The answer is of course YES. He wants to follow in the footsteps of Sammartino, Hogan, Austin and The Rock. Bryan says he won MITB two years ago and he’ll do it again this year.

This brings out Sheamus to remind Bryan that he lost the world title at Wrestlemania in just 18 seconds. Sheamus says it’s been too long since he’s had a title around his waist so he’ll win one after getting the briefcase. Bryan wants to know if Sheamus will kick himself in the face if Bryan calls 1-800-Fella. This brings out Orton (no music) to say he’s starving for a title so he’ll be taking the WWE Title.

This brings out Kane who says he’ll do anything to be WWE Champion, including going after one of his friends. Bryan makes fun of Kane for not being able to beat Orton but Kane seems to blame Daniel for the loss. Bryan and Kane get in their usual argument but Christian comes out to break it up. He says he’s had more experience than anyone in ladder matches and he wants one more match. Christian isn’t the biggest, strongest, scariest or hairiest guy in this match, but he’s the best.

Cue CM Punk to almost no reaction whatsoever. He said he wasn’t going to do what everyone else was doing but then he heard the word best. Punk respects Christian but says he’s going to win his third MITB ladder match in two weeks. He doesn’t care if no one likes him because everyone in this match is a jerk. RVD must be watching somewhere and Punk can beat him too. Bryan yells at Punk but Orton gets in Bryan’s face, only to be cut off by Kane. Daniel gets on Kane for fighting his battles, allowing Orton to RKO Kane.

Tonight we’re going to look back at some great champions in wrestling history, starting with Buddy Rogers, the original WWWF Champion. We also look at Lou Thesz as the former World Heavyweight Champion. For those of you unfamiliar, the current World Heavyweight Title has nothing to do with the titles Thesz held as its history starts in 2002.

The Wyatt Family is still coming.

Shield vs. Christian/Usos

This is a rematch from Friday where Shield lost their second ever six man tag. Rollins starts with Jimmy before it’s off to Jey for two off a back elbow. Rollins comes back with some forearms to the back and brings in Ambrose. Jey takes him into the corner for a tag off to Christian who sends Dean to the floor. The Usos dive on the tag champions and Christian takes out the US Champion as we take a break.

Back with Jey in trouble in the corner as we get a clip from the WWE App. Rollins steps on Jey before it’s back to Dean for a quick suplex. Reigns powers Jey down for two before it’s back to Ambrose for some mocking of Captain Charisma. Jey comes back with a superkick to knock Dean down but Rollins breaks up the hot tag. A clothesline puts Seth down and now it’s off to Christian who cleans house.

A middle rope dropkick gets two on Rollins but an Ambrose distraction lets Seth hit a quick enziguri. Dean comes in but walks into the reverse DDT for two. Everything breaks down until it’s only Christian vs. Ambrose. The Killswitch is broken up but Rollins breaks up the sunset flip out of the corner, giving Dean a rollup pin at 9:36.

Rating: C. This was the only logical way to end the match as you need to give Shield their momentum back before the PPV title defenses. They’re pretty much past the six man tag phase of their run now so the loss didn’t hurt them all that much. This was fine stuff here but it was nothing special.

Kane is mad at Bryan but Daniel makes up for it by getting Kane a rematch with Orton. Bryan will be guest referee.

Dolph Ziggler vs. Jinder Mahal

Ziggler easily takes him down to start but misses a dropkick, allowing Mahal to get a running knee to the head for two. Ziggler avoids a charge in the corner as the fans chant for JBL. A dropkick gets two for Dolph as the fans chant for Jerry. The Zig Zag is good for the pin at 2:23.

Post match the Band goes after Ziggler but he takes them down with ease.

More great champion clips: Bruno Sammartino and Harley Race.

Vickie is complaining about things in the back when HHH comes in. HHH praises her for doing what the fans want but she’s stressed because the other McMahons are telling her what to do. The solution? Listen to them and then ignore it.

We get a career retrospective on Mark Henry.

Randy Orton vs. Kane

Bryan is guest referee. This is also a rematch from Smackdownw here Bryan threw Kane into the RKO to give Orton the win. Orton pounds away in the corner to start but walks into an uppercut to put him down. Kane fires off some knees in the corner and the low dropkick gets two. Off to a nerve hold by the masked man but Orton fights up and takes Kane down with the Thesz Press. A knee drop gets two for Randy but Kane comes back with a quick suplex. After a quick break on the floor, Kane misses a charge into the corner and Orton pounds away again. Bryan pulls Orton off but Randy shoves him away for the DQ at 4:47.

Actually scratch that as Kane demands and receives a restart. Orton hits a dropkick to knock him to the floor as we take a break. Back with Kane holding Orton in a neck crank before hitting some clotheslines in the corners. A side slam sets up the top rope clothesline but Orton dropkicks Kane out of the air. The snap powerslam puts Kane down but he breaks up the Elevated DDT. The chokeslam is countered into the backbreaker from Orton and THAT sets up the DDT. Orton loads up the RKO but Bryan breaks it up, allowing Kane to hit a big boot for the pin via a fast count at 12:20 total.

Rating: D+. This didn’t do much for me at all and it was a far cry from their match on Friday. The Bryan stuff is story development but when the blowoff match is going to be in a seven man match it’s kind of hard to care about it here. Kane getting a win here is fine as it doesn’t make Orton look bad and gives him some momentum heading into the PPV.

Kane grabs Bryan by the throat but lets him go and leaves. Bryan eats an RKO.

Punk says he’s beating the Primetime Players alone tonight. He trusts Heyman but not Axel. Heyman says Punk trusts him so trust his judgment.

Bob Backlund and Dusty Rhodes were great champions.

Fandango vs. Sheamus

Fandango dances aaround a lot to start so Sheamus does a little jig of his own. A quick clothesline puts Fandango down and Sheamus takes it to the floor with ease. Fandango is whipped into the steps but comes back with an enziguri in the ring for two. Off to a chinlock on Sheamus before he sends Fandango into the corner for some shoulder blocks. The ten forearms send Fandango to the aisle and he walks out for the countout at 6:16.

Rating: D. Well this sucked. The crowd is sucking the life out of this show and it’s very difficult to get into things at all. Fandango needed a win here to make himself look good after being gone for about a month but instead he loses while looking like any other given heel. Nothing to see here, as has been the case with a lot of stuff tonight.

Ryback vs. The Miz

Jericho is on commentary. Ryback pounds Miz down to start as Jericho talks about how Ryback is a whining complainer. The fans think this is boring as Ryback drops knees on Miz’s back. Some left hands have no effect on Ryback but even more have a bit of impact. Miz goes after Ryback’s bad leg and hits a big boot to take Ryback down. The corner clothesline hits and there’s a jawbreaker to the bad leg. Miz looks for the Figure Four but Ryback gets the ropes, so instead Miz pounds on the knee in the corner…..and Ryback says stop the match at 5:14.

Rating: D. Are the writers REALLY this stupid? I mean, do they want us to be interested in Ryback or do they just tear characters down like this for their own amusement? A year ago Ryback was a rising star and now he’s just this. This is the same Ryback who had a war with Cena a few weeks ago and now he can’t even survive five minutes against THE MIZ?

Post match Jericho hits a Codebreaker on Ryback.

Hogan and Flair were great champions as well.

Here’s Mark Henry with something to say. He didn’t get the name the World’s Strongest Man out of a Crackerjack box but rather he earned it. Henry was in the Olympics in 1992 and 1996 before entering the WWE 17 years ago. Since then he’s found out that there’s jealous, politics and accidental injuries in the WWE. In all those years, he’s never been given a legitimate shot at the WWE Championship. After all those years of pretending he liked the boys and doing the right things for the business he’s no further than where he started.

He deserves to be WWE Champion after all the time he’s given to this organization and all the fans. Henry has earned the right to be WWE Champion because the people hang on every word he says like a bunch of puppets. No one is going to keep him down at Money in the Bank and he’s going to do the right thing for himself. After he beats Cena, everyone is going to say he earned the title because he’s going to beat Cena up.

Vince comes in to see Vickie and Brad because he’s not happy with Daniel Bryan being out there. He does however like the main event of champion vs. champion. The other family members like it but Vince doesn’t like the money being thrown away. A match like that should be on PPV. It’s not good business, and the two of them need to remember there’s a long list of people who were fired for not listening to Vince.

Curtis Axel/CM Punk vs. Prime Time Players

Axel starts with Young as Heyman is already bragging. An armdrag puts Young down but Curtis won’t tag Punk. Off to Titus but Axel still won’t tag. The first decent chant of the night is for CM Punk but Axel silences them cold with a dropkick to take Titus down. The fans still want Punk but Curtis just looks at him and gets clotheslined down by O’Neil.

Titus suplexes Young onto Axel for two before putting Axel in an abdominal stretch. Axel finally gets up a boot in the corner and the double tag brings in Punk to face Young. The springboard cross body puts Darren down and the running knee in the corner sets up the Macho Elbow. There’s the GTS to Young but Axel tags himself in and steals the pin at 6:13.

Rating: D+. This wasn’t bad but it was storytelling instead of a match. We’re slowly building to Punk turning his back on Heyman once and for all to set up the showdown with Lesnar at Summerslam and putting Axel over at the same time is a fine way of going about accomplishing that goal. Not terrible here but it was all about the story instead of the wrestling.

Punk walks out on Axel and Heyman post match.

Austin and Sting are great champions.

Alicia Fox vs. Kaitlyn

Both girls get quick rollups for two before Fox pounds on Kaitlyn for a bit. Kaitlyn fights up and spears Alicia down for the pin at 1:52. Nothing to see here.

Post match AJ comes out and has some pictures exposing what kind of trash Kaitlyn used to be. The shot is of a 400lb woman with Kaitlyn’s face superimposed on her body.

Stephanie yells at Vickie but Vickie snaps a bit and says she’s being overloaded. Stephanie sympathizes until Vickie says HHH and Vince are a bit crazy. Next week Vickie gets a job evaluation in the ring.

Cody Rhodes vs. Antonio Cesaro

Before the match Colter talks about how sad it is that the government and Surprise Court is giving the country away. He brings Swagger back and says that we need to pick a side in the company revolution. Cesaro takes over with a quick gutwrench suplex but Cody comes back with a string of rollups. Rhodes is sent to the floor and JBL gets in a good line with “Cesaro knows five languages and now that he’s with Colter he’s learning Dutch.” Cody tries a backslide but gets countered into the Neutralizer for the pin at 2:20.

HHH and Booker T were great champions.

Eva Marie and JoJo, the new Divas for the reality show, are mocked by the Bellas. The Funkadactyls and Natalya come up to protest as this commercial continues.

The Wyatt Family arrives next week.

Alberto Del Rio vs. John Cena

Ricardo is missing due to an injury suffered going through a table on Smackdown. They trade headlocks to start until Del Rio shoots Cena off for a standoff. Del Rio escapes an AA attempt and takes a breather on the floor, only to walk into a snap suplex for two. Cena bulldogs Del Rio down but misses a charge into the post. Del Rio misses a charge at Cena and falls to the floor as we take a break.

Back with Alberto holding a chinlock before going up top, only to dive into a dropkick from Cena. The shoulder block misses though and Cena falls out to the floor again. Back in again and Cena initiates his finishing sequence, only to have the AA countered into a German suplex for two. Del Rio’s low superkick is countered into a belly to belly for two but he comes back with the enziguri to knock Cena off the top. Del Rio puts him in the Tree of Woe but misses a charge of his own, going shoulder first into the post.

Cena gets two off a top rope cross body as the fans are FINALLY into this show, over three hours after it started. The AA is countered into the armbreaker which is countered into the STF but here’s Henry to distract Cena. He circles the ring, allowing Del Rio to roll up Cena for two. The low superkick gets two for Alberto but here’s Ziggler on the top rope, allowing Cena to hit the AA for the pin at 15:56.

Rating: C+. This was good but you knew the double distractions were coming from the moment we went to a break. At the end of the day, these matches just don’t mean a thing no matter how clever the writers think they are. Also, Del Rio isn’t going to be a good opponent for Cena due to one simple reason: Cena isn’t going to tap out, so the armbreaker is worthless.

Post match Henry picks up the WWE Title and gets in the ring before throwing the belt down. Cena goes to pick it up but has to back away from Henry. Mark walks away to end the show.

One more Wyatt Faimly promo for the road.

Overall Rating: D+. This show was the opposite of the awesome that was the last two weeks of Raw. This was a bunch of far too long and far too repetitive segments with the McMahons and Vickie, setting up a segment that most people don’t care about in the slightest. On top of that we had the worst crowd I can remember in years dragging things down even further. Finally we had the focus on the title tonight which is fine, but these champion vs. champion matches don’t mean a thing given how often we see them anymore.

Results

Shield b. Usos/Christian – Rollup to Christian

Dolph Ziggler b. Jinder Mahal – Zig Zag

Kane b. Randy Orton – Big Boot

Sheamus b. Fandango via countout

The Miz b. Ryback via surrender

CM Punk/Curtis Axel b. Prime Time Players – GTS to Young

Kaitlyn b. Alicia Fox – Spear

Antonio Cesaro b. Cody Rhodes – Neutralizer

John Cena b. Alberto Del Rio – Attitude Adjustment

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my book on the History of Starrcade from Amazon for just $4 at:

 

Monday Night Raw
Date: June 25, 2001
Location: Madison Square Garden, New York City, New York
Attendance: 13,763
Commentators: Jim Ross, Paul Heyman

Ok so we’re past King of the Ring now and there are a few more developments. Benoit isn’t going to be back for over a year after having the injury angle last night that wrote him off after he hurt his neck in TLC 4. Edge is the new King of the Ring. Booker T has debuted, and Austin is still champion. Tonight something huge (well kind of huge at least) happens, so let’s get to it.

Here’s Vince immediately and he’s not happy. Austin talks about a rumor that said if Benoit or Jericho won the title, they would defect to WCW. Granted that’s not an issue because Austin is still champion so who cares? As for Booker T though, what does the T stand for? Maybe it means terrible, trash or Troglodyte. Or maybe tempo….I spelled Troglodyte right? I’m stunned. It might mean temporarily employed because all of WCW is going out of business. I thought they already did that.

No WCW star has any business being in MSG, because this is hallowed ground. We get a clip of Vince’s dad being inducted into the MSG Hall of Fame, complete with Todd Pettingil voiceover. This is more like a career retrospective on Vince Sr. and we hear various praise for him with Gorilla Monsoon getting the loudest pop. Oh this is his Hall of Fame induction video. Got it.

Vince guarantees more memorable MSG moments here tonight. That takes us to the theme song.

Brothers of Destruction vs. Dudleys for the titles tonight.

Hardcore Title: Test vs. Rhyno

Test had used the newly debuted Stacy to distract Rhyno into losing the title so this is Rhyno’s rematch. Rhyno starts out strong and hits a running shoulder in the corner. Out to the floor already as Rhyno looks for a weapon. They do a fairly nifty sequence with a trashcan resulting in Rhyno charting head first into it. The announcers talk about MSG instead but that’s probably more interesting anyway.

They go into the crowd and Test suplexes him onto a piece of a barricade to bend it in half. They go to the back now and Test tries to put him through some tables but Rhyno stops him. And never mind as Test puts him through them anyway with an elbow for two. There’s a cart involved but Test is backdropped onto the concrete. A quick Gore puts the title back on Rhyno.

Rating: D. If you’ve seen one of these, you’ve seen them all. Test was nothing of note but somehow he wound up with Stacy Keibler in real life and Stephanie on TV. The match was your usual I hit you, you hit me thing which is only so interesting when it’s not being played for comedy. Not much here.

What is much here is that Mike Awesome (with short hair) runs up the tunnel, hits Rhyno with a pipe and wins the title. That’s the first time a WCW wrestler has had a “match” in MSG ever to my knowledge, which is your historical thing I mentioned in the intro.

Light Heavyweight Title: Jeff Hardy vs. X-Pac

Jeff is 23 here. I’m 23 now so that makes me shake my head. Things speed up very quickly to start and the fans are all over Pac. They do some flips and Jeff fires off a baseball slide to take over. He loads up Whisper in the Wind but Pac kicks him off the top and into the barricade. Pac counters a rana into a powerbomb for two. This is a rematch from last night. A dropkick knocks X-Pac out of the air and here comes Jeff. Bronco Buster meets boot but the Swanton misses and some feet on the ropes give Pac the title.

Rating: C+. Fun old school Cruiserweight style match here with both guys flying all over the place. Jeff was fun to watch when he was on and he was on around this time. Unfortunately they put him back into the Hardy Boys and while they were good, it was kind of a step back for them at this point.

Vince freaks out and tells Austin he was raped by WCW. Austin basically tells him to get over it because he kept the WWF Title here on his own and Vince wasn’t there when Austin needed him. Vince: “How are you?” Austin: “YOU DON’T EVEN CARE!” Vince: “I care.” Austin: “Promise?” They hug and Debra looks like she can’t find a divorce soon enough.

Video on some of the best moments and performers in MSG history, with this one being about Sammartino.

Big Show hits on Trish. This is disturbing.

Vince, Austin and Debra share a vegetable plate. Kurt comes in to a pop and Vince congratulates him for his victory last night. Angle says he’s banged up but he’ll make it. Austin FREAKS and Vince tries to smooth things over with the offer of carrots. Angle sits but won’t have any right now. This is hilarious stuff.

Billy Graham is the next Garden Classic.

Tazz vs. Steven Richards

Richards doesn’t like New York so here’s Tazz to kill him. Lasts 20 seconds, Tazmission. Taz is just MAD over in New York.

Regal and Tajiri have a trophy for Edge. It looks like the Stanley Cup.

Angle has loosened up and is having some vegetables. Austin and Vince have a pow wow and Austin wants Kurt out. The idea is he’s jealous of Vince playing with someone else. Angle: “Hey Steve you want a carrot?” Angle compares their careers and says they could be related. Austin looks like he could break a moose in half. Angle has some celery. These two had some awesome chemistry together when Angle was playing the simpleton.

Time for the King of the Ring coronation ceremony. Regal isn’t thrilled to be in New York but he brings out Edge who won the tournament last night. Regal suggests a five second pose but Tajiri gets in it somehow. Christian takes the trophy and gives an acceptance speech for some reason. He talks about how he had to face harder competition (which is true) and Edge doesn’t sound thrilled.

Now it’s time for Edge’s speech and he welcomes us to a new Era: the Era of AWESOMENESS. And here’s Billy Gunn because he has to be here whenever this tournament is brought out. He whines about never getting to be able to defend his crown but instead had to be at WWF New York. This is heel Billy which is even more annoying.

Edge is talentless apparently but congratulations anyway. Edge says Billy sucks and blows at the same time. Edge asks Billy for a favor: if he’s not on the card in 2003 and just has to host at WWF New York, please shoot him in the head. Edge promises not to Billy Gunn the title, because he’ll actually be entertaining. A match is proposed and made. Basically a face turn for Edge.

Garden Classic: the Alley Fight with Patterson vs. Slaughter. It’s called a boot camp match here but I’ve never heard it called that before. Either way, find it as it’s one of the best brawls you’ll ever see.

Tag Titles: Dudley Boys vs. Undertaker/Kane

Sara comes out with Taker now. The champs are quickly knocked to the floor and the beating is on. Bubba vs. Taker officially starts us off and there’s Old School already. Off to D-Von and the champs hit the double team neckbreaker for two. Off to Kane for more beating. He’s IC Champion here. Kane beats them up on his own (the tag champions remember) and there’s the top rope clothesline for two. Everything breaks down and here’s Albert to Baldo Bomb Kane so D-Von can pin him. Too short to rate but it was basically a squash. Albert won the IC Title on Smackdown.

Bubba takes a chokeslam post match as Kane goes after Albert. And then Page pops up to blast taker with a chair. Page takes Sara down and steals hair extensions.

Regal is ticked off about WCW and in particular…..Jericho…..for rumors saying he might defect if he won the title…..which he didn’t. His punishment is a match with Tajiri. Ok then.

European Title: Matt Hardy vs. Big Show

Trish comes out with Show at the potential promise of a European vacation. Matt has to dodge and move here and chooses to work on the arm. That gets him sent to the floor, where Show hits the post. All Big Show anyway as he drops Matt on the barricade. Trish kisses Matt for some reason, prompting Lita to rip her top off. Show goes after Lita who hits Show low to protect herself. That’s a DQ win for Show in a match too short to rate, but it was basically a squash up until then.

Saturn and Terri are at WWF New York but Shane invades it. Shane talks about how WCW isn’t on TV because of Vince. You know, instead of the losing a million bucks a week for a year. Therefore, since they can’t get on TV, it’s time for an invasion of the WWF. He calls Booker over and it amazes me how different Booker was in just a few months. This is the one that was the only guy in WCW that got over for like two years before they went under and was a guy that could have been awesome. He calls out Austin and I’d love to see that feud, instead of what we got, which is Booker the bumbling idiot.

Vince and Austin are all fired up and since they’re both in New York City, Vince says Austin should go fight Booker right now. Austin recruits Angle as backup.

The APA starts the war effort with guys like…..Funaki and Steve Blackman and Essa Rios. If you can’t see why this is the biggest bomb in wrestling history, I’ve failed at my job.

Garden Classic: Snuka dives off the cage which apparently inspired EVERY WRESTLER EVER to be a wrestler.

Edge vs. Billy Gunn

Fast paced stuff to start but Billy heads to the floor. Baseball slide puts him down and a missile dropkick gets two back inside. Billy hits a spinebuster for no cover. Out to the floor with Billy in control. There’s a guy in the crowd doing a Hogan impression and since we’re watching a Billy Gunn match, the fans cheer for Hogan.

Edge spears him down and makes a comeback until Christian accidentally hits him. Billy gets two off a rollup and Jackhammers Edge for two. There’s a boring chant. Who thought giving BILLY GUNN a long match in 2001 was a good idea? Billy loads up the Fameasser but Christian comes in with a backbreaker so Edge can Impale Billy for the pin.

Rating: F+. And 99% of that is for Gunn. What in the world were they thinking by pushing him OVER AND OVER AGAIN??? I mean he just kept getting time on TV and less and less people cared every time until he owed the people some caring for the interest getting so low. Terribly uninteresting match and the crowd turned on it. Why is Edge facing Billy Gunn anyway? He beat Kurt Angle last night to win the King of the Ring and now he’s got Billy Gunn?

Austin is caught in traffic and doesn’t like it. Angle is a dork. This is all on the phone with Debra.

Classic Garden: the first Wrestlemania.

Chris Jericho vs. Tajiri

Jericho says he’s taking out his aggression on Tajiri. They start off fast, which would be normal speed for everyone else. Jericho looks for the Walls but gets kicked in the head for his luck. Superkick (kind of) and a spinwheel kick get two for Tajiri. Octopus has Chris in trouble and Tajiri kicks a lot. A missile dropkick gets two. Jericho comes back with some clotheslines for two. Regal takes a baseball slide and Tajiri gets caught in the double powerbomb. Regal comes in and beats up Jericho but takes the mist in the face. Lionsault ends this.

Rating: C+. Pretty decent match here. Tajiri was pretty much wasted in WWE as they used him as a comedy character who couldn’t speak English (and finally got a translator with like a week to go before he left) and that’s about it. Fun match though as they let two guys with talent go and it worked as it should have.

Austin and Vince have a plan or something.

We get a shot from WWF New York where Austin and Angle go in…and there’s no Shane or Booker. OH NO! WHO WOULD HAVE SEEN THAT COMING??? Austin: “Booker said he wanted to axe me something. AN AX IS SOMETHING YOU CHOP A TREE DOWN WITH!” Booker and Shane come out, Booker destroys Vince (loosest use of that word ever) and the APA comes out with their army to save him and end the show. Yep that’s it.

Overall Rating: C+. Decent show but not as good as last week with us reaching the Invasion full bore. This never worked at all because Vince couldn’t let anything work on its own pace and the whole thing was wrapped up in like 5 months instead of in like 3 years as it easily could have been. Still though, decent show but it would go downhill after a brief pick up soon.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of Starrcade from Amazon for just $4 at:

Monday Night Raw
Date: June 17, 2013
Location: Van Andel Arena, Grand Rapids Arena
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, John Bradshaw Layfield

We’re past Payback now and moving towards July’s Money in the Bank. Cena has retained his title but we had a very interesting development: the ultra rare double turn for Del Rio and Ziggler as Alberto won the World Heavyweight Championship by doing some very bad things to Ziggler’s injured head. It should be interesting to see where things go over the summer. Let’s get to it.

We open with the usual package of still photos from Payback last night, complete with the voiceover dude.

Here’s Del Rio to open things up. He asks us how his weekend was before telling us that his was excellent. Del Rio isn’t pleased that the fans were cheering for Ziggler after he won the title back last night in controversial fashion. The fans chant for Ziggler again and Del Rio yells at them for chanting USA the night before.

He says this is what America is all about: pigs and cowards. Del Rio says he’s spent the last five months fighting for us and he’s gotten nothing (other than the world title) but last night he fought for himself and won the world title. He’s willing to give the people a second chance though so we have another chance to show him the respect that he deserves.

Cue Punk to an ERUPTION. He says it’s been awhile since he beat Del Rio for the world title at Survivor Series 2011. Punk doesn’t like hearing Del Rio call himself the best so Alberto holds up the belt. Punk challenges him to a title match but Heyman says that Punk doesn’t fight for free. That’s not cool with Punk though because he wants to fight no matter what.

Yeah Punk is banged up but when Del Rio was stealing the title, Punk was stealing the show. Punk still wants a match tonight but Del Rio says Punk doesn’t want any of him. With that not being an option, Punk offers to fight Ricardo but here are Vickie and Maddox for an interruption. She says it’s Del Rio vs. Punk tonight but makes no mention of the title being on the line.

Punk says that he respects Paul Heyman but he isn’t a client. From now on, Punk doesn’t want Heyman out there for his matches. Punk respects him but he doesn’t want him there.

Intercontinental Title: Curtis Axel vs. Wade Barrett

Before Axel’s entrance, Vickie interferes and makes it Barrett vs…….CHRISTIAN!

Wade Barrett vs. Christian

Christian takes it to the floor to start and hits a BIG dive to take out Barrett. Back in and Barrett hooks a chinlock, only to have Christian fight up and hit a tornado DDT for two. Wade kicks him in the ribs for two but Christian avoids a charge in the corner. The Killswitch ends Barrett in 3:10.

Rating: C-. That’s a nice return for Christian but the guy isn’t going to be a huge star like people think he’s going to be. Barrett’s slide continues and I’m thinking his time of mattering in WWE whatsoever is almost done. There’s just nothing here for him as he hasn’t done anything of note in forever.

You can pick No DQ, 2/3 falls or no countout for Bryan vs. Orton later on.

The Wyatt Family is coming.

Sheamus vs. Rhodes Scholars

For those of you not happy with Sheamus beating one of them at once, now he gets to beat both of them AT THE SAME TIME! The Scholars don’t have to tag so they manage to stomp Sheamus down and hit a double snap suplex for two. A kick to the face sets up the Wind-Up Elbow for two on Sheamus. Cody slaps Sheamus in the face and the one on two beatdown begins. Rhodes is sent to the floor and Sheamus hits the Regal Roll on Sandow. The ten forearms crush Cody and White Noise crushes the crushed remains of Cody Rhodes even further. Sheamus loads up the Brogue Kick but gets rolled up by Sandow for the pin at 3:38.

Rating: D-. I love Sheamus but DEAR GOD LET THIS FREAKING FEUD END ALREADY. Scratch that. This isn’t a feud. This is Sheamus swatting away flies for an extended period of time. It’s not fun, it’s not interesting, and the matches aren’t any good. Is there NOTHING else that Sheamus could be doing at all? NOTHING?

Mark Henry might retire later tonight.

RVD is back at MITB.

HHH is in the back with Vickie and Brad. Vickie sucks up to him but HHH wants to know what the main event was going to be if Punk didn’t question him. He also wants to know why Christian has been medically cleared for a month and a half and not been back until tonight. Also, why didn’t he hear about either Brad or Vickie when he was negotiating for RVD’s return? As for Shield, if they get involved then play tough with them. HHH thinks it’s a stroke of genius to put 3MB on the show tonight as well. HHH’s questions were HILARIOUS.

Yeah I just said that. Why do you ask?

Bryan doesn’t want to hear it from Kane that he told Bryan so. Kane thinks HELL NO should reunite but Bryan only wants to think about Team DB, Team Daniel Bryan. Kane: “Well that’s good because you’re acting like a D.B.” They both say they want to win the WWE Championship and they don’t know if the team is done or not. Kane wishes him good luck tonight, which Bryan interprets as Kane saying he’s the weak link.

Randy Orton vs. Daniel Bryan

Before the match we hear Orton saying that Bryan is the weak link in the team and is the reason they lost the title match last night. The match is going to be No DQ with 54% of the vote. Bryan goes after the arm to start but Orton reverses into a hammerlock of his own. Daniel fights up and kicks away at the legs before hitting the double knee stomp out of the surfboard. Orton comes back to stomp Bryan down into the corner and puts Daniel down off the slingshot suplex.

Bryan counters the Thesz Press into a half crab but Orton grabs the ropes. More kicks in the corner put Orton down again but he comes back with a clothesline and a chinlock. Back up and Orton pounds away in the corner but Bryan comes back with the moonsault out of the corner and a running clothesline. A pair of running dropkicks in the corner get two for Daniel but Orton avoids the FLYING GOAT. Orton pulls out a kendo stick to pound on Bryan for two back in the ring and we take a break.

Back with Bryan blocking a superplex and hitting the missile dropkick for no cover. Orton comes back with the powerslam and Bryan goes to the apron for the Elevated DDT, only to have Bryan fight out and go for the NO Lock. Orton counters into a slingshot to send Bryan to the apron and a kick to the ribs puts him on the floor. It appeared to be a low blow so here’s a trainer to check on Bryan. Back in and Bryan pounds away before they head to the floor again. Orton belly to back suplexes Daniel onto the barricade so the referee checks again…..and the match at 15:00.

Rating: C+. Uh…..WHAT? That’s either the start of an angle or a legit injury when Bryan went into the barricade earlier. Bryan seemed fine but if a doctor saw something in him that we didn’t then the match should have been stopped. Either way, it was getting good until the sudden ending but never hit a high level.

Post match Orton helps Bryan up and nothing else happens, making me think it was a legit stoppage.

Here’s AJ to brag about winning the Divas Title by crushing Kaitlyn’s spirit. AJ says that she’s the hero of the story because she’s a woman that knows how to get what she wants. There isn’t a woman in the audience or locker room who is as strong, brilliant or courageous as she is. AJ issues an open challenge to the locker room and gets…….STEPHANIE MCMAHON???

Stephanie compliments AJ on her victory but thinks what AJ was saying was degrading to women. It’s time for AJ to start acting like a champion, about 23 hours since she won the title. AJ: “Instead of acting like a superstar, maybe I should marry one.” Stephanie says no one does crazy like the McMahons but AJ says she’s the younger version of Stephanie, just without a fancy pantsuit. Cue an army of Divas but Stephanie cuts off Kaitlyn, threatening her with punishment for ever interrupting her again. The fans tell Kaitlyn that she tapped off while Kaitlyn yells at AJ. The beatdown is on but Langston saves a screaming AJ.

US Title: Kane vs. Dean Ambrose

This is a rematch from last night with Dean defending. Kane hits some quick uppercuts and a powerslam for two. Apparently Bryan might have some nerve damage but is still being checked. Kane fires off some clotheslines in the corner and gets two off the side slam. Not that it matters as here’s Reigns for the DQ at 1:35.

Shield beats Kane down post match with the TripleBomb.

Mark Henry is here.

Vickie yells at Shield in the back but Vince comes in and compliments their ruthless aggression, meaning Vince vs. HHH MUST CONTINUE!!!

We’re now getting regular commercials for the WWE App. My girlfriend downloaded it the other day for fun and it’s nothing. It’s a string of videos and access to a social media thing where you can hashtag your city. There’s also a breaking news section with nothing in it that we could see.

Here’s Zeb Colter to say that he’s bringing Antonio Cesaro to his team. In other words, he’s now a jobber to the stars with a manager. Cole immediately buries the idea on commentary.

Antonio Cesaro vs. William Regal

Cesaro pounds him down and hits the gutwrench suplex as the announcers ignore the match to bicker. A delayed backdrop gets two on Regal and Cesaro hooks a swinging chinlock of all things. The Neutralizer ends Regal at 2:43.

Cesaro drapes a Don’t Treat On Me flag over Regal as Cole is literally laughing at this.

Here’s Cena for a chat. He loves being booed by the fans because they can cheer anyone they want. Some people love Punk and boo him all night and that’s perfectly fine with him. He goes to war every time he defends the title and after putting Ryback in an ambulance last night, he gets to say the champ is here. For everyone who never left his side, thank you. He can take any challenge that anyone puts in front of him and can’t wait for Money in the Bank.

Cena doesn’t care who challenges him that night because he’ll be ready. He knows he won’t have the title forever but the next person to hold it will earn it because the champ is here. The fans seemed receptive to Cena tonight….and here’s Mark Henry. He leaves a pair of boots on the stage and tells Cena he can put his guard down. Henry has watched Cena rise through the WWE and thinks Cena is doing a great job. The fans chant Sexual Chocolate as Henry says if you don’t remember the moment, at least you’ll remember his salmon colored coat.

Henry is proud of all of his success in the business as a former ECW Champion and World Heavyweight Champion. However, due to all of his injuries, he’s going to have to retire. The fans chant one more match and Cena hands Henry the title. Henry holds up the belt but hands it back to Cena because he never earned it. Henry talks about his family and says they’re going to get sick of them because he’s coming home. Cena shakes his hand….AND GETS A WORLD’S STRONGEST SLAM? Henry shouts that he has a lot left in the tank and says that the title will be his.

Post break Henry says all the people are puppets and everyone bought it.

Heath Slater vs. Chris Jericho

Jericho pounds him down with ease but Jinder Mahal breaks up the Lionsault to give Slater two. If my memory is right, Slater beat Jericho back in the first season of NXT. Not that it matters as the Codebreaker ends Slater at 2:20. Nothing to see here.

Post match Jericho beats up the rest of the Band because he can.

Paul Heyman doesn’t want to answer any questions about CM Punk. He says that he knows when to give his friends space and thinks we should be talking about the Intercontinental Champion. New catchphrase for Axel: he was born to be better than perfect. I think I like that one.

Sin Cara vs. Curtis Axel

Miz is on commentary. This is Axel’s third match against Sin Cara in less than six months. A quick backbreaker puts Cara down and a shoulder block puts him down again. There’s a quick belly to back suplex for two but Cara comes back with a DDT. Cara’s Swanton hits knees and a spinning DDT ends Cara at 2:40. Total squash.

Vince approves Henry vs. Cena for MITB when Stephanie and HHH come in. Trips gets on Vickie for not listening to him and glares at Vince.

Heyman sucks up to Punk and says he’ll be cheering for Punk tonight.

Alberto Del Rio vs. CM Punk

Non-title and Del Rio runs to the floor twice in the first minute. Punk finally goes to the floor but gets stomped down on the way back in. Del Rio kicks him in the head and pounds him to the floor, only to have Punk whip him into the barricade to take over again. Punk takes too long to shout at Ricardo on the way back in though, allowing Del Rio to snap Punk’s arm over the top rope as we take a break.

Back with Del Rio kicking Punk in the head as we hear that Bryan will be ready to go on Friday. Alberto goes up for an ax handle but gets punched in the ribs on the way down. Del Rio gets in another kick to the arm to send Punk into the ropes for the Backstabber for two. The low superkick is countered into a rollup for two and now the low superkick connects for two for the champion. The cross armbreaker is countered into the GTS but Del Rio rolls to the outside. Alberto walks out for the countout at 11:30.

Rating: C-. This wasn’t much but it worked well enough all things considered. This was really just a backdrop for the post match stuff which we’ll go to now because it’s more interesting than this match.

Post match Ziggler runs out and DESTROYS Del Rio to a mammoth face reaction.

Punk is still standing in the ring and LESNAR! He picks up a mic but says nothing. Instead he picks up Punk and lays him out with a massive F5 to end the show.

Overall Rating: B. I was digging tonight’s show as it had a certain edge to it. Stuff was set up for Money in the Bank, we got some decent action, we had a return, and we had some humorous lines from HHH to Vickie. The main story continues to be Vince vs. HHH which is still a stupid power control angle that has been done so many times and I have no idea why they think this is the best way to go. I was digging the show tonight for the first time in a long time though which is a great sign coming off a solid PPV.

Results

Christian b. Wade Barrett – Killswitch

Rhodes Scholars b. Sheamus – Rollup

Randy Orton b. Daniel Bryan via referee stoppage

Kane b. Dean Ambrose via DQ when Shield interfered

Antonio Cesaro b. William Regal – Neutralizer

Chris Jericho b. 3MB – Codebreaker

Curtis Axel b. Sin Cara – Spinning DDT

CM Punk b. Alberto Del Rio via countout

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of Starrcade from Amazon for just $4 at:

 

Monday Night Raw
Date: June 4, 2001
Location: Target Center, Minneapolis, Minnesota
Attendance: 11,417
Commentators: Paul Heyman, Jim Ross

Back to the Invasion era (kind of) as we’re rolling up to King of the Ring. Last week Benoit got his title shot in a great match so tonight it’s Jericho’s turn. Also I think we begin qualifying matches for the tournament as I remember watching the Rhyno vs. Tazz match that’s on the card tonight. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of the rematch from Smackdown where Benoit almost won the title again. That match might have been even better. Those two had some scary chemistry. Benoit destroyed Vince with a chair and Austin stole the win with tights.

Intercontinental Title: Kane vs. Christian

The tape on Kane’s arm is shrinking. Christian runs down Minnesota because everyone from there is a freak. The bell rings twice for some reason and Kane hammers away quickly. He hits the top rope clothesline but Edge has the referee. He interferes again so Kane goes after him but the power of Canada causes his bad arm to go into the steps. Christian gets a low dropkick for two but I don’t think his offense is going to be lasting much longer.

The challengers gets slammed off the top but Edge distracts from the chokeslam. Edge takes one instead and HUGH MORRUS runs in, hits a moonsault (complete with a big WCW logo on the Tron and a siren blaring) and leaves. A BIG layout powerbomb kills Christian and Kane keeps the title. Shane celebrates in the production truck.

Rating: D+. Just a squash but the whole point was to have Morrus do the ending which is still cool looking. Acknowledging that it’s WCW is a nice touch as everyone knew who it was but it’s cool to hear it. This was a huge moment but unfortunately it wouldn’t get much more exciting than this. The match was just there.

Here’s Vince and he’s mad. He says that Shane isn’t going to cause trouble in his company. Now onto Benoit and Vince REALLY isn’t happy with him. He lists off things that his injuries could be called and the fans cheer louder each time. Benoit is never getting another title shot because he’s sadistic. Only a sadist would give Austin ten suplexes in a row. Tonight, Benoit gets Big Show.

Cue Foley to a BIG ovation. He has his new book with him so what do you think he’ll be talking about? Foley thanks the fans for making it a bestseller for the second week in a row. He’s in People Magazine also. However, he’s here to talk about the piece of paper he’s been using as a bookmark. It’s a contract, one of which he signed while Commissioner. This one says he can make a main event for any Raw he chooses. Tonight, it’s Austin vs. Jericho for the title. Benoit and Vince are banned from ringside. Vince says that contract doesn’t count because we’re not in Connecticut or something like that.

Foley has a counter for that though. He brings out GOVERNOR JESSE VENTURA. Vince looks TERRIFIED. Jesse puts on his glasses and looks at the contract. He says that he’s the highest elected official in Minnesota and since Vince couldn’t control him when he worked for Vince, he certainly can’t control him now. What Vince needs to learn is that there are people in the world more powerful than he is, and Jesse is one of them. He shakes Mick’s hand, says have a nice day, and that’s that. Jesse is one of those guys that is just awesome every time you see him and it worked here. Foley says he has a big surprise for Vince later.

King of the Ring Qualifying Match: Jeff Hardy vs. Matt Hardy

Well isn’t this interesting? They come out together which isn’t something you see that often. Matt is European Champion. Jeff grabs a rollup for two very quickly. Matt tries the Twist but Jeff counters. Expect to read the word counter a lot in this. The fans like Lita the best and in that pink top I can’t blame them. Whisper in the Wind gets two for Jeff. Out to the floor and Jeff tries to run the railing but Matt ducks.

In a SWEET spot, Matt charges at Jeff while Jeff is up against the ring. Jeff backdrops him up against the ropes and in a Tajiri like bounce, Matt bounces off of them and hits a DDT to Jeff. The middle rope legdrop misses and Jeff loads up the Swanton but gets crotched. Jeff shoves him off and tries the Swanton again but it hits knees. The Twist is countered into a backslide for the surprise pin for Jeff.

Rating: C+. The idea here of course was that they knew each other so well and they kept countering one another. Having the ending be quick like that was the right move and it worked out well. Good stuff here and WAY better than their match at Mania and Extreme Rules, but that could just be due to this being when they were young and motivated to have good matches.

Austin is polishing the belt when Vince comes in. He has some bad news for Austin: he has to defend the title tonight against Jericho. Vince blames Linda so Austin says just give her half of your money ($500 million) because if you can’t live on $500 million, you’re planning on living too long. In a funny bit, Austin starts to say that no woman deserves that but looks at Debra and says NEVER MIND. Funny stuff.

Trish is in the back when Foley comes up. She’s mad about being challenged to a bra and panties match by Terri. Foley asks if Trish is scared and turns this into a story about Alexander Hamilton dying into a duel. If he had a bra and panties match, he’d still be alive. Trish: “He’d be over 200 years old.” Foley: “EXACTLY! It’s part of your duty as an American to compete tonight.” Trish: “Mick, I’m Canadian.” Foley: “Which is part of….North America.” Trish: “You’re right!” HILARIOUS segment.

Regal and Tajiri are in his office and Tajiri gives him some tea. It needs to be two degrees warmer. Kurt comes in and Tajiri is sent off for more tea. Shane has accepted Kurt’s challenge at King of the Ring. Angle also mentions that he wants to win the King of the Ring again so Regal puts him in. He also wants Spike Dudley so Regal adds him to the Holly team and adds Spike to the Dudleys so it’s a six man.

The Dudleys aren’t happy because Spike is their partner.

Molly Holly is at WWF New York and looks great in a blue dress. She thanks the fans but more importantly, Spike for all the flowers he sent. She says she likes him. Spike sees it and freaks out.

Dudley Boys vs. Hollies/Kurt Angle

Six man tag here. Hardcore and Kurt have a quick argument due to the whole severely broken arm Kurt gave Hardcore a few years ago. D-Von and Hardcore start but Spike comes in before there’s any contract. Kurt wants to come in but gets decked quickly and it’s back to D-Von, giving us two tags before there was any contact between the legal men. We get going and D-Von hits a powerslam for two.

The fans want tables but that would be a DQ here, so do they want the Dudleys to lose? Actually who are the faces here? The Dudleys want to put Molly through a table which is hardly a good guy action. Hardcore beats on Spike for a bit, including the punt to the “abdomen”. Off to Crash for such a short time that I didn’t see him do anything. Back to Hardcore who hits a suplex for two.

Crash comes in and there’s a distinct lack of Kurt in this, which I think is the point. Spike manages a tag to Bubba but the fans miss it. Kurt does get in and Spike GOES OFF, until Hardcore gets in a shot and Spike gets killed by a German. Spike blocks a superplex and hits a double stomp off the middle rope.

Double tag brings in Bubba and Hardcore and a Bubba Bomb puts him down. Crash takes a Samoan Drop and Hardcore takes a Doomsday Device. Kurt pops in for a German on Bubba but the moonsault misses. Hey Kurt. WHAT’S UP??? Bubba calls for a table but it’s a 3D to Crash instead. A quick Angle Slam pins Bubba though.

Rating: C. Again this feud is just kind of fun. There’s no main event or title implications to it but the feud works very well. It’s well done and the feud makes perfect sense. For some reason, that just can’t be done today. It seems that everything has to be part of a bigger purpose and a bigger story. Nothing can be a small and self contained story anymore.

Big Show vs. Chris Benoit

Show runs over Benoit to start as we hear again that Benoit was an undefeated WCW Champion. We’ll ignore that it was because he never defended it I guess, much like everything about Benoit is ignored anymore. Off to a bearhug by Show which Benoit bites out of. Gorilla press drop by Show and Benoit is in trouble. Show goes up (GULP!) but misses a middle rope elbow. Swan Dive is caught into a chokeslam but Benoit counters that into the Crossface and Show taps out! Too short to rate but that ending was pretty awesome. I’m a sucker for Benoit going all wrestling master and countering stuff into the Crossface.

Taker arrives, over halfway into the show.

Here’s Taker in the arena and he’s ticked off because of the stalking of his wife. If someone wants to do something with him, do it now and keep his family out of it. Taker says nothing is going to be easy until this ends. And then he turns to JR. JR was the first one to get the letter about the tape. Taker doesn’t think JR has something to do with it but if there’s something JR isn’t telling him, he’ll be the first name on Taker’s list. Heyman says the words “old lady” and is promptly punched in the face. JR suggests that he go ask Vince.

Taker says that’s a good idea and we get another video of Sara outside and it looks like she’s watering plants or something. The voice says that if he wanted to get closer then he would. Taker’s dog is out there too. Sara goes inside and the voice says she thinks she’s safe in there. Back in the arena, Taker goes to the back and isn’t happy.

Classic KOTR: Taker vs. Mankind in the Cell.

Back from a break and Taker kicks in the door to Vince’s office, demanding answers. Vince says he has nothing to do with this. He may have an ego but he doesn’t have a death wish. Vince suggests it might be the same person that flashed the WCW logo: Shane. Taker threatens Vince with the insertion of the WWF into a place it isn’t designed to go on Vince’s body if he’s lying.

King of the Ring Qualifying Match: Rhyno vs. Tazz

Rhyno is Hardcore Champion but this is non-title. Nice pop for Tazz. Rhyno pounds him into the corner to start and hits what would have been a Gore had it not been for the corner. This is Tazz’s first match since Mania? I didn’t really miss him. Rhyno comes off the middle rope but jumps into a suplex. Tazz Gores Rhyno for two and I remember that from when I was 13. Tazz hooks the Tazmission but Rhyno uses the Bigelow Breaking The Ring counter. Gore ends this.

Rating: D. I have no idea why this match sticks out to me but it does. Not a good match or anything and you can see Tazz is completely gone. Rhyno would make the semi-finals of the KOTR but wouldn’t go anywhere until the Invasion started when he moved up to the midcard with a few quick main event shots.

Austin and Debra are a bit nervous about Mick’s surprise with the champ being moreso. Debra goes off to find info from Foley.

Video on Smackdown Your Vote which is a cool idea.

Debra is looking for Mick. He’s sitting on some steps and they exchange pleasantries. She gives him what appears to be candy and asks about the surprise. He won’t say but she gets an autographed copy of the book.

Christian and Edge have some weird self-help moment and both say they want to be King of the Ring. They’re both in the tournament too.

Jericho tells Cole to shut up (AMEN) and that he’s accomplished a lot, including telling Vince that he is rather small. I’m assuming he meant that Vince had one and that it wasn’t a rather embarrassing announcement. Jericho says he’ll treat Austin like a sl** and that he’ll win the title. He steals a bunch of Austin catchphrases while saying this.

Terri vs. Trish Stratus

Bra and panties here so I’m not sure what you want me to say about it. Heyman says this is in the tradition of the Funks and the Briscos. JR says that the Briscos never had a bra and panties match, officially. I really don’t want to know some of the stories that JR has. Both of the girls look good and they can’t wrestle yet, although Trish is trying. Terri loses her top and is out there in heels. Trish loses her top and Terri stands on her hair. Oh ok Trish hadn’t lost her top yet. Perry Saturn comes out in a robe…and has lingerie on under it. The distraction lets Trish win. I think you can figure this one out for yourselves.

WWF World Title: Steve Austin vs. Chris Jericho

Foley’s surprise is that he’s the troubleshooting referee. He’ll be outside while there’s a regular one in the ring. Austin beats him into the corner before Jericho can even get his title off. He tries the Thesz Press but Jericho counters it into the Walls. Austin runs for the ropes and we go to the floor. Jericho gets sent into Foley and Austin goes into the steps. Back in the Lionsault hits knees and Jericho is down.

Spinebuster messes up Jericho’s ribs even more as does an elbow drop. Jericho is in trouble here as Austin is having to protect his back and ribs due to the Germans from the other Canadian on Thursday. Jericho fights out of a bow and arrow but gets kicked low. That only gets two and JR mentions that Austin wouldn’t mind getting disqualified. Why doesn’t he do that then? It can’t be that hard.

Austin yells at Foley for some reason and the distraction lets Jericho get in a low blow to shift the momentum again. They slug it out which is won by the Canadian. Missile dropkick gets two. Middle rope hurricanrana gets two. Austin ducks the forearm and Jericho takes out the referee. Foley, like an idiot, checks on the referee as Jericho hooks the Walls. Foley slides in but leaves his feet out of the ropes so Regal makes the save. Jericho and Regal get into it and Foley accidentally cracks Jericho with the chair. Regal takes Foley out and Austin only gets two! And never mind as the Stunner ends this.

Rating: C+. Pretty fun match and the main event of the King of the Ring should be pretty obvious at this point. Regal coming out was pretty clear given how Foley was positioned but I think I can let that slide here. Not a great match but they needed more time and they’ve had better matches before. I can’t think of any right now so maybe they haven’t.

Regal gets the Walls and the Claw to close the show.

Overall Rating: B-. This was really more about setting the stage for King of the Ring and that’s fine. The main event of course would be Austin in a triple threat with the Canadians. The idea here is that Austin can barely beat one of them so how can he beat both of them? Well considering Benoit would break his neck in the match and would be out almost a year, that might give you a hint. Anyway good stuff and the Invasion is still building.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of Starrcade from Amazon at:

One Night Stand 2007
Date: June 3, 2007
Location: Jacksonville Veterans Memorial, Jacksonville, Florida
Attendance: 7,000
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Joey Styles, Tazz, Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield

 

We’re done with ECW now other than having Vince McMahon defend the title against Lashley in a street fight here. Other than that there’s nothing of ECW around here as the main event is Cena vs. Khali for the title in a falls count anywhere match. Should be ok though as big gimmick PPVs tend to be pretty good. Let’s get to it.

 

The opening video talks about how tonight there are extreme rules and list off the various matches we’re having tonight with very limited context. The official title is One Night Stand: Extreme Rules. There are four “sponsors” for this show: Raw, ECW, Smackdown and Gillette. Big, dare I say it, extreme?

 

The announcers run off the main event from each show.

 

Rob Van Dam vs. Randy Orton

 

This is a stretcher match and Orton still isn’t hearing voices. Orton has been injuring various people recently, including Shawn so this is Rob trying to stand up for him. It’s one of these matches where you have to push them on a stretcher across the finish line. Randy also hit a bunch of RKOs on RVD. The recap is done during Orton’s entrance which is always a bit odd.

 

Orton really does tower over RVD here. They stare each other down to start but RVD tricks him by hitting a kick to the face as he’s doing the finger point. Into the corner for some punching as Rob controls early. Monkey flip sends Orton to the floor. Slingshot legdrop to Orton on the apron has Orton reeling. Another spin kick in the corner sets up a knee and about the 9^th kick in about three minutes.

 

Orton gets a single kick in and a forearm but it has a much bigger impact because of the head injuries from the attacks on Raw. RKO is countered via a kick to the head but he gets shoved off the top and his eyes are gone. They go out by the stretcher with Orton in control but we’re not ready for that yet I guess. Dropkick takes Rob down. Here’s the Orton Stomp and the final kick to the head has Van Dam in big trouble.

 

Knee drop hits the chest and the eyes on Rob are great. Not quite onto the stretcher which there seems to be more than one of. The referee checks on Rob as Orton gets a pretty sweet powerbomb into a neckbreaker. Rob is rolled onto a stretcher but it falls over and we’re out on the floor. He fights back and sends Orton into the post to give himself a breather.

 

Rob manages to get Orton onto the stretcher but instead of pushing him up the aisle he hits a pretty sweet spinning legdrop onto Orton’s back to take over again. Back in the ring and a slingshot legdrop hits. Rolling Thunder is countered into a powerslam in a slick spot. Orton tries a suplex to the floor but Rob fights back with a dropkick to send him to the floor. The guy with a lot of initials puts Orton on the stretcher again but a front flip over the ropes eats half stretcher and half floor to put both guys down.

 

Orton puts him on the stretcher but can’t quite get him over due to falling down, allowing Rob to get up. Rob is able to get some quick kicks in and puts him on the stretcher and casually push him across the line for the win. That was a rather odd ending as it was like they were told they were doing it backwards and Rob was supposed to win.

 

Rating: C. Not much here but with a stretcher match there’s only so much that they can do. Not a horrible match or anything but at the same time the ending came off as rather weird. Anyway it’s not that it matters because this was Rob’s last appearance in WWE other than a pair of one off appearances to beat Santino and be in the Rumble one year. Anyway, not bad but just kind of there.

 

Post match Orton punts him and gets an elevated DDT off the railing to more or less kill him.

 

Vince is talking to Shane about polishing up the ECW Title and how tonight they end Lashley. However he does have a premonition that something bad is going to happen to him. His car would be blown up 8 days later.

 

We talk about some car racing show that Cena is going to be on.

 

Sandman/Tommy Dreamer/CM Punk vs. Elijah Burke/Marcus Cor Von/Matt Striker

 

Tables match. Basically this whole feud was about Punk as he joined the New Breed and then jumped to the ECW Originals despite not being an ECW Original. Burke is D’Angelo Dinero of course. We have to tag here and it’s Cor Von vs. Dreamer to start. Basic power moves have Dreamer in trouble and it’s off to Burke. Off to Sandman who hits a flapjack on the hometown guy.

 

Striker comes in and thank goodness they made him an announcer instead because he just isn’t that good in the ring. Punk comes in and hammers away on him because dude, he’s Matt Striker. Dreamer and Punk say GET THE TABLES but Cor Von makes a save. Punk is like screw that and hits a suicide dive to take Cor Von down. Springboard clothesline takes Burke down as everything breaks down. Striker runs from Sandman but gets drilled by Dreamer.

 

Table is set up but Burke and Cor Von make the save just in time. Nice guys there as they let their partner take a double suplex on the floor. Striker manages to take down Sandman and Burke takes down Punk to give the New Breed the advantage. The Originals realize this is stupid and pound them down but it’s Striker of all people who takes out Sandman again. Punk takes the Alpha Bomb but Dreamer saves him from going through the table. Striker goes up and Punk superplexes him through Burke through the table to end it.

 

Rating: C-. Match was just kind of there but it blew off the Originals vs. New Breed feud which meant that the New Breed was done. I don’t think anyone really missed them so it’s not like it mattered, but at least it’s done now. Punk was designed to be the star here and that’s who it should have been all along. At least it was short I guess.

 

The Draft is on June 11.

 

Edge is getting ready and Orton comes in. He says this is good stuff because they’re both his former partners. He doesn’t want anything but he’ll be coming for the title if he gets switched at the Draft. He wouldn’t so it doesn’t really matter.

 

RVD has another concussion apparently.

 

Raw Tag Titles: Hardys vs. World’s Greatest Tag Team

 

This should be awesome. Hardys are champions coming in. Big brawl to start but that’s the point of this match I suppose. Haas takes down both Hardys with a double clothesline and here come the ladders. All four have ladders so the Hardys throw theirs at their opponents’ and put a pair in corners. Haas gets buried under a pair of ladders in the corner and Shelton is pushed on top of them.

 

The Hardys start being the Hardys in a ladder match and dominate quickly but make a mental mistake (the Hardys? Nah) and both go up at once, only for Shelton to toss a ladder at them and take over. They work on Jeff’s leg and send him into a ladder in the corner so softly that the fans boo it. When do you EVER hear of a spot being booed in a ladder match? Haas and Benjamin both go up but they have the same issue the Hardys had and we all come down again.

 

Shelton dropkicks a ladder into Matt’s face and the World’s Greatest Tag Team takes over all over again. They set up a pair of ladders in a sea-saw pattern and according to rule 2 of ladder matches, they both get slammed onto it. Here come the Hardys again and a double clothesline takes everyone not named Shelton to the floor. The Hardys bring in the huge ladders and set one between the ring and the railing.

 

Shelton blocks a suplex through said ladder though, until Matt backdrops Shelton onto a ladder which he just bounces off. The ladder is bent and Jeff isn’t happy. He thinks to himself by George (and bonds. Pills. Maybe some cocaine too. My band’s album because no one else will) I want him to go through that ladder but Haas makes a last second save.

 

Matt takes Charlie down and goes up himself, only to get shoved onto the top rope. You know the move Haas and Benjamin do where Haas holds a guy up on the top and Shelton jumps on his back? Well here they use a ladder instead of a rope and Shelton jumps to the floor onto Matt’s back and more or less destroys it in an awesome looking spot. Charlie goes up but here’s your friendly resident drug addict (Jeff in case you thought Matt got up that fast) for a superplex off the ladder to the mat.

 

Everyone is down now and Jeff has a glazed over look in his eye. In other words, everything is normal with him. In one of the best accidental spots I’ve ever seen, Shelton tries to springboard from the apron to the ladder to stop Jeff but slips and flips forward, kicking the ladder over. JR actually does a decent job of making it sound intentional. Matt shoves Shelton off and starts climbing up two ladders at once. Everyone goes up and it’s a four way fight. The Hardys go down but maintain enough composure to shove their opponents off. Swanton kills Haas and Matt gets the belts to retain.

 

Rating: B+. Pretty good tag team ladder match here as they let all four guys go in there and just do their thing which is the right idea more often than not. Also they had time (seventeen minutes) here which helped a lot as well. Very hard hitting match here as they managed to make the older spots look good again. Rather good match and not much to complain about at all here.

 

Runjin Singh is with Khali who says he’s going to win. Oh man this is the night after the SNME where Khali crushed Cena clean in like 3 minutes. I have rarely seen anything stupider than that in wrestling and they managed to do it.

 

Mark Henry vs. Kane

 

Lumberjacks here. Oh joy. They actually introduce the lumberjacks to waste even more time. There are some actually decent named guys here like Benoit and uh……Benoit is in this. Other than that there are guys like Miz and Morrison who mean nothing at this point. Santino is the IC Champion here and isn’t a comedy guy yet. Apparently Kane lost a match via countout to Henry to set this up.

 

Henry throws him out almost immediately and Kane glares at the lumberjacks before getting back in on his own. Kane kicks him to the floor and Henry shoves all of the lumberjacks off with relative ease. They slug it out and Henry hides on the floor again. Out to the floor and Henry rams him into the post like he did on Friday apparently. Back in the ring and Henry works on the back, for once in his life showing some intelligence.

 

JBL suggests Henry belongs in the Hall of Fame. Sadly enough, that’s not out of the realm of possibility is it? Kane gets a shot in but charges into a powerslam for two. More power moves set up the bear hug to waste some time and let Henry have a breath of air. Kane gets a shot in but can’t hit the chokeslam so it’s right back to the beating. The fans think Henry sucks and I can’t say I disagree with them.

 

Back to the bearhug as the lumberjacks cheer for Kane. So the fans and other guys, both faces and heels it seem, don’t like Henry. That says nothing of note as everyone can’t stand him and no one ever has that I can remember. Kane sends him to the floor and goes up, diving on Henry and a bunch of lumberjacks at the same time. The big man can fly at least. Not a lot of big men would ever do that so points for that.

 

Back in the ring and Kane hammers away which doesn’t get him very far. Kane goes up again and the clothesline takes Henry down for no cover. Chokeslam actually connects but Kenny Dykstra and Chavo come in for not the DQ. That doesn’t get them anywhere but it gets us right back into the bearhug incase the first two of them didn’t get you fired up enough. Even with an arm between Henry’s, Kane actually “blacks out” in the hold and we’re done. Yes, that’s the ending they gave this.

 

Rating: D. Weak match beyond belief as since it was an even numbered year, Henry was pushed. No idea what Vince sees in this guy other than a massive contract so let’s keep pushing him. Either way, weak match here with a REALLY bad ending. Also, the lumberjack stipulation continues to be one of the weakest rules you can add onto any match with this being no exception.

 

The Hardys and World’s Greatest Tag Team are with the medical people and get into it again.

 

We recap Vince vs. Lashley. Vince won the ECW Title at Backlash in retaliation for getting his head shaved due to Lashley beating Umaga at Mania. Lashley got screwed out of the title at Judgment Day because Vince hadn’t held the title long enough to ruin the legacy of it enough yet.

 

ECW Title: Vince McMahon vs. Bobby Lashley

 

Umaga and Shane are with Vince here. Since he’s in it, this is a street fight. Lashley tries to dive on Umaga to start but messes up completely, landing only a kick to the head of the now dead Samoan. Shane tries to punch him and that just fails, leaving Vince all alone with Lashley. Joey tries to make it sound like Lashley is standing up for ECW, even though Heyman probably gets physically ill at the thought of Lashley working for ECW.

 

He fights off the trio as well as he can at first but the numbers catch up with him when he tries to bring in a chair. Vince gives his first offense, a clothesline, to take Bobby down. Vince’s hair is back now so at least the bandana is gone now. Out to the floor as this is a very slow beatdown which is going nowhere at all. Vince gets the timekeeper hammer and chokes Bobby with it instead of, you know, HITTING HIM WITH IT?

 

Back in the ring and a Samoan Drop takes Lashley down again. So riveting indeed here. Maybe it’s because Vince and Shane aren’t wrestlers and therefore shouldn’t be in the ring with a guy like Lashley? Vince gets one of the worst spears I’ve ever seen to Lashley for two. Umaga chokes away to waste more time but misses a splash, crushing Vince instead.

 

Lashley starts cleaning house, sending Umaga to the floor via a low bridge and suplexing Umaga over the top. Big chair shot to the head of Vince and many more to the back follow. Dominator powerslam only gets two as Umaga makes the save. Bobby gets another chair but Umaga gets a superkick in to take him down again. There goes the crowd as that totally and completely should have been the ending.

 

Instead, the McMahons and the Samoan take over again because that way they look like supervillains again. Shane drops the big elbow through the table (OH YEAH!) and everyone is down. Umaga wakes Vince up and gets a long two on him. Joey freaks out but it just feels wrong here. Umaga hits the running smash in the corner and Lashley is done. Shane tries the Van Terminator but drills Umaga by mistake. Spear to Vince gives Lashley his title back.

 

Rating: D+. Match more or less sucked because Vince and company dominated for the vast majority of it. They proved why Vince being in a mach did nothing but they were trying to give Lashley a rub I guess. Either way, there really was no point in waiting for this show to do the title change again, but either way not much here and WAY too long. The first comeback should have been it.

 

Lashley spears Vince again post match just because. He would be stripped of the title in like two weeks anyway when he was drafted to Raw, more or less rendering the ECW Title a midcard title.

 

Santino and Maria are asked about how pudding matches go. Maria goes all smart again and it’s supposed to be funny but it really isn’t.

 

Candace Michelle vs. Melina

 

Yes, they’re in pudding and no, that doesn’t add anything to this. Candace just doesn’t look all that good. She never has and that’s all there is to it. Melina is Women’s Champion but it’s non-title. She has goggles on here and there they go. This is so freaking stupid. They roll out of the big pool and apparently you win by pin or submission. You can’t tell them apart either so this is rather pointless. Anyway, Candace wins by submission in like two and a half minutes. I flat out do not care because this isn’t wrestling, at least not the kind I want to see.

 

The cage is lowered.

 

We recap Edge vs. Batista. Edge more or less stole Mr. Kennedy’s MITB when Kennedy got injured and then cashed in on an injured Taker after Taker had a cage match with Batista and then Henry returned to beat Taker up. Batista won some match/competition to get the shot. This gets the music video treatment for the night.

 

Smackdown World Title: Edge vs. Batista

 

Win by pin, submission or escaping the cage. It’s in a cage in case you’re rather stupid or have a very short attention span. Batista has a bad hamstring to fill some injury quota for faces I guess. Edge tries for the door almost immediately but it’s locked still and Big Dave catches him. He keeps trying to run and Batista is like dude, just take it like a man. Basic power stuff to start us off as you would have expected.

 

Edge gets in a shot but still can’t escape over the top as Batista drills him with a clothesline for two. Batista climbs the ropes (not in the corner) and Edge gets a dropkick to the leg to bring him down and take over. Big Dave gets rammed into the cage a few times back first which get two for Edge. Back to the leg as Batista is in trouble now. Not enough trouble for Edge to retain but he was trying at least.

 

The Canadian lunges for the door but only gets his hands out. A turnbuckle gets torn off but Edge can’t put him into it. Powerslam is countered into an Edge-O-Matic so he goes up top again. More brawling on top sets up a superplex by Batista for two. They’re kind of going through the motions here but it’s not bad. Right back to the top and down goes Edge so the musclehead tries for a shoulder block off the top, only to get caught by a dropkick. Is anyone in wrestling built and smart?

 

Edge tries a spear but Batista tries one at the same time I guess and they collide. Batista takes over again and gets a side slam for a close two. Edge misses a missile dropkick but walks into a slingshot into the cage for two. Batista gets sent into the buckle that was exposed and gets taken down by a spear for two. There is more or less no transition here at all and the flow is all off.

 

Spinebuster gets two for Batista so he loads up the Batista Bomb. Edge manages to move backwards towards the cage and climb to the top. Batista gets caught by a low blow and crotched on the top rope. The Canadian climbs up while Batista goes for the door and in short, Edge wins. There’s not much else to it than that really.

 

Rating: B-. The best thing I can think of to say here is that they were going through the motions. It’s certainly not a bad match but at the same time it felt like there was nothing going on for the most part. There was some drama in there and there was nothing wrong with it from a technical standpoint at all, but I never could get into it. Not a bad match at all, but nothing great and more or less just going out there and having a cage match. Could be the lack of any real story.

 

Batista is all ticked off. Not to worry though, as Edge would get hurt in less than a month and have to forfeit the title. Khali would win it in a battle royal and Batista would get it soon after.

 

Summerslam, the Biggest Party of the Summer, is going to be crashed. This was going to be the Jackass guys but THANKFULLY this fell through.

 

We recap Khali vs. Cena. Cena beat him at Judgment Day via submission but Khali’s foot was under the ropes. Khali said he knew when he tapped, even though he didn’t continue the match. Both guys wanted a rematch in a falls count anywhere match. Last night on SNME, Khali pinned him clean in less than six and a half minutes, because WWE is really stupid.

 

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. Great Khali

 

Falls Count Anywhere here. Very pro-Cena crowd here. Cena fires off some kicks to the leg but finally gets caught and the power gets going. This is pin only which is kind of weird. Khali uses his basic offense and that’s not meant as a criticism. I mean, he’s Great Khali and a giant. There’s no reason to not have him just do basic stuff to win is there? Big boot puts Cena down again as we haven’t left the ring yet.

 

Cena tries to speed things up again but Khali raises his leg like a leg lariat to take him down one more time. One arm slam and Khali walks around a bit. Cena avoids a leg drop and manages to get the Throwback out of nowhere. The top rope Fameasser is blocked by the chop though and Cena falls to the floor. That gets two in the first cover of the match. Cena gets in some punches but a low dropkick misses and it’s back to Khali.

 

In something you won’t often see, Cena’s head goes through a monitor but avoids the big chop. He does however get thrown into the crowd as the beating continues. Out near the production area Cena gets a monitor shot to the head but can’t FU Khali. The big dude gets a bunch of forearm shots to the back as Cena stumbles around a lot. Khali misses a charge and Cena throws a boom camera at him for a two count.

 

Cena actually gets him up for the FU but the elbows to the head slow it down almost immediately. And hey here’s a crane for no apparent reason. Khali throws him onto the thing and tries the Punjabi Plunge. Cena manages to rake the eyes though and there’s the FU on a crane. FLY FAT BOY FLY as Khali goes to the ground and the pin follows, keeping the title on Cena.

 

Rating: C+. All things considered, this was rather solid. Keeping Khali out of the ring and just letting him pound on people is always the best thing you can do and this was no exception. They had about as basic of a match as you can ask for here and that’s probably a good thing. Khali as the monster isn’t terrible at times and this was one of them. all this one a pleasant surprise.

 

Overall Rating: C. Best place to put this one is right in the middle. Every match is either rated as a C or is a step above, canceled out by a step below. This PPV is firmly in the middle of the pack as the tag title match is good, the cage match is ok and the main event is ok, but some of the stuff is pretty bad. If for some reason you ever come across this it would fill in about three hours but there’s nothing you would miss at all. Not bad, but nothing required to see at all.
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of Starrcade from Amazon at:

 

Monday Night Raw
Date: June 3, 2013
Location: XL Center, Hartford, Connecticut
Commentators; Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, John Bradshaw Layfield

Back with more of the red guys here as we’re back in America this week. The main story is that HHH will be back in the ring tonight to face Curtis Axel, a mere two weeks after Axel did NOT put HHH on the shelf. This sounds like more of a storyline than a match, which is fine as long as HHH doesn’t kill the kid. Other than that we’ll get more Ryback vs. Cena build. Let’s get to it.

After a quick recap of everything that has happened to HHH in the past few weeks, here’s Stephanie McMahon to open things up. She talks about HHH getting beaten up by Lesnar and then collapsing during his match (basically saying what we saw in the video) before trying to come back tonight. Despite HHH being medically cleared, Stephanie is making a business decision and not letting him compete tonight. She knows HHH wants to fight Curtis Axel, “Who quite frankly is beneath HHH.” The fans chant for HHH but get Vince instead.

Vince says that HHH won’t be competing tonight and says that HHH has given everything he has to this business. Do the fans want HHH’s liver and spleen next? Vince reminds us that this is family entertainment and not a blood sport. Last week, Kofi Kingston was put through a table and the fans chanted one more time. There won’t be one more time for HHH tonight or any night, and Curtis Axel is still beneath HHH. Vince is then cut off by…..Shield?

Shield vs. HELL NO/Randy Orton

In case you were wondering what happened with the McMahons, Cole tells us that if you have the WWE App, you would have seen them leave the ring without incident. If that doesn’t make you want to download the App, I don’t know what does. This match is a result of Bryan cleaning house with the Shield to end Smackdown. A HUGE YES chant breaks out before the match as we start with Bryan vs. Ambrose.

Bryan hits his rapid fire kicks to the chest followed by some to the back before bringing in Kane. The low dropkick and the side slam get two for Kane as we see Tons of Funk and Ryder watching the match on the App. And it’s LIVE people! Another side slam gets two on Rollins this time but a Reigns distraction lets Seth dropkick Kane off the top as we take a break.

Back with Rollins cranking on Kane’s neck before bringing Ambrose back in. Dean pounds on Kane for a bit as well, only to have the monster hit a double suplex on both smaller members of the Shield. Hot tag off to Orton as the fans go NUTS. Randy snaps off some powerslams and a double Elevated DDT to Ambrose and Rollins but Seth breaks up the DDT on Reigns. Ambrose cranks on Randy’s neck for a bit as the match slows down again.

Off to Reigns for a full nelson to keep Orton in trouble. Dean comes back in and pounds away before handing it back over to Reigns for a chinlock. Randy rolls out of the chinlockery but it’s off to Rollins, who promptly jumps into a dropkick. The real hot tag brings in Bryan who goes nuts again, destroying everyone in riot gear that he can find. Some HARD kicks to Dean’s chest keep him down and a big kick to the head stuns him.

A top rope rana sends Ambrose onto Rollins and there’s the suicide dive to take out Reigns. The place is going NUTS for this. A missile dropkick gets two on Ambrose and there’s the NO Lock but Reigns and Rollins make the save. Everything breaks down and Reigns spears Kane down but it’s an RKO to Rollins. Reigns shoves Orton into Bryan though and the Bulldog Driver is enough to pin Daniel at 17:33.

Rating: B. The middle part was pretty dull but Bryan is the MAN right now and the fans are treating him as such. The ending to the match here is fine as Bryan was rolling but got beaten because of someone else on his team screwing up. As for Shield, are they actually capable of having a bad match? The more I see of them the less sure I am.

Post break Orton apologizes for costing Bryan the match, making Bryan yell at Kane. Bryan then goes off on Orton for thinking he’s the weak link. He thinks neither guy respects him, so Kane tries to yell some reality into him. Bryan says one match can solidify that he’s not the weak link. Since it’s clear that neither of them respect him, Bryan is going to beat the respect into someone tonight. Bryan is AWESOME right now and is totally nailing this character.

HHH arrives and goes into the McMahon dressing room, saying that he’s fighting Axel tonight. Stephanie tries to talk him out of it again, because Curtis Axel isn’t worth it. Vince says HHH isn’t being too cerebral right now and says don’t do something you’ll regret. Vince leaves them in the dressing room.

Usos vs. Prime Time Players

This is joined in progress after a break with the Usos (in face paint tonight) beating up Young. Off to Titus who takes I believe Jimmy down with a backbreaker before it’s off to Young again. Apparently the paint is to give the Usos an edge like their ancestors. Back to Titus for a front facelock and a cravate as Cole talks about being in Hangover III. A double tag brings in Jey vs. Darren and a Samoan drop takes Young down. The running Umaga attack in the corner gets two and the Superfly Splash ends Young at 4:49.

Rating: D+. I’m a big fan of the Usos and for the life of me I have no idea why they’re not on TV more often. They’re young, they have a good look, they’re part of the biggest wrestling family ever, they can move in the ring, they’re talented. Why don’t we see them on a regular basis? Samoans have been a fixture in wrestling for years so why not put them out there? The fans always react to the Siva Tao if nothing else.

Some Special Olympians are here.

Big E. Langston vs. Alberto Del Rio

For those of you counting, this is their fifth match (with the score at 2-2) in less than three weeks. Del Rio quickly clotheslines him out to the floor but gets taken down by a shoulder. Langston throws him into the barricade and runs him over again back inside. Del Rio fires back with some headbutts but jumps into a set of three backbreakers to put him right back down. Langston misses a charge into the corner and gets caught by a low superkick for two. There’s the armbreaker but Langston lifts him up and into the ropes for the break. Del Rio puts the hold back on but shifts the counter into a cradle for the pin at 4:49.

Rating: C. Del Rio continues to have chemistry with almost anyone he works with and Langston continues to show ridiculous potential. They need to get him away from Ziggler in a hurry as having him just playing a heavy is wasting a lot of his skills. The match was fine, but five times in two weeks is WAY too much.

Sheamus vs. Cody Rhodes

Sandow is doing commentary and reading a book written by Mrs. JBL. Sheamus throws Cody to the apron for the ten forearms to the chest but Cody runs to the corner to hide. Sheamus tries a kick through the ropes but gets his leg wrapped around the buckle that hooks the ropes to the post. A knee to the head gets two for Cody but Sheamus comes back with a release front suplex. The top rope shoulder puts Cody down but the Brogue Kick hits ropes. Cross Rhodes can’t connect and Cody misses a moonsault press as well. White Noise puts Cody down again and the Brogue Kick finishes this at 5:20.

Rating: D+. Remember all the complaints I’ve made about Sheamus vs. Rhodes/Sandow in the past? Go read one of those because it’s the same stuff again. That is all.

Post match Sandow won’t shake Sheamus’ hand so Sheamus punches him.

HHH is leaving but he’s not happy with it. He’ll fight Axel next week instead.

We look at Kofi being injured by Ryback on Friday and being taken out of action for a few months.

Bryan kicks a table in the back but runs into Ryback. Ryback insults Bryan for being small and they’re having a match later.

Vince comes in to see Heyman and Axel but is disappointed that we’re not seeing the rematch with HHH either this week or next week. Paul is ready to leave but apparently Axel is going to have a match tonight with John Cena. It’s No DQ tonight as well.

Fandango vs. Great Khali

The fans are totally behind Fandango here as both guys dance a bit to start. Khali takes him into the corner for some chops followed by some clotheslines. Fandango bails to the floor to avoid the Plunge and starts walking out, only to be cut off by Miz. Wade Barrett pops up to blast Miz with the Bull Hammer as the match just ends at about 2:00.

The Miz vs. Wade Barrett

Non-title again and Miz is fine after being laid out before the break. Miz pounds away to start but gets taken down by a big boot to the head. Barrett loads up the big boot in the ropes but is quickly sent to the floor instead. Back in and Miz gets two off a sunset flip before going after the knee. The Winds of Change get two for Wade…and here are Fandango and Summer for more dancing. The distraction lets Miz hook the Figure Four for the tap out at 3:27.

Rating: D. To any wrestlers that might read my site, I offer you a tip: if you make it to the WWE and someone offers you the Intercontinental Title, go join the circus as there’s a better future for you there. Also, can we please stop having the distraction lead to a quick win? That’s such a played out booking idea that I had the finish written the second Fandango’s music hit.

We recap the McMahon/HHH drama up to this point.

It’s time for the Jericho/Punk contract signing for Payback. Heyman is representing Punk here as you would expect. They sit at the table with Heyman listing off Punk’s accomplishments before Jericho cuts him off and finishes the list for him. Heyman signs and wants Jericho to sign so he can come to Chicago and be booed, heckled, and hated by fans that worship Punk because Punk is the real best in the world.

Jericho says maybe we should move the match to Summerslam in Los Angeles or to Madison Square Garden. Heyman says no so Jericho suggests right here in Hartford. Heyman says no to that so Jericho signs for Chicago. However he isn’t sure where we should file the contract. Jericho tells Heyman to stand up and open his jacket before filing the contract in Heyman’s pants.

Kaitlyn/Funkadactyls vs. AJ Lee/Bella Twins

Kaitlyn and AJ start things off. AJ backs into the corner and elbows both dancing chicks before bringing in Brie. Off to Naomi for the Rear View and a rolling senton from Cameron for two. Naomi hits the ropes with a crossbody and the Bellas take over on her arm. Nikki stays on the arm until Naomi slugs her down and brings in Kaitlyn. The reverse DDT only gets one on Nikki but AJ drops to the floor instead of tagging. The spear finishes Nikki at 4:32.

Rating: C-. That’s on the Divas scale so this wasn’t half bad at all. The arm work went nowhere but when is the last time you remember psychology in a Divas match? They’re to the point where they can get through a match without looking completely horrible which is at least progress. The camera shots of the girls didn’t hurt either.

Kane can’t talk Bryan out of facing Ryback tonight. Bryan tells Kane to stay in the back too. Kane says he’s leaving and to call when Bryan has found his mind.

Video on the Wyatt Family, talking about monsters being real.

Daniel Bryan vs. Ryback

Bryan pounds away to start but gets slammed into the corner. A boot to the chest puts Bryan down but a splash hits knees. Ryback pounds him down some more, only to be pulled into a half crab by Bryan. Daniel hooks a kind of Indian deathlock and pounds Ryback’s face to fire up the crowd. The moonsault out of the corner has Ryback even more confused but he clotheslines Bryan to the floor as we take a break.

Back with Bryan being slammed into the corner again so Ryback can stomp his chest. Off to a chinlock for a bit but Ryback misses a charge into the corner and hits the post. Bryan fires off some dropkicks for two but Ryback easily kicks out. A missile dropkick sets up a VERY long swan dive for two more. Bryan fires off the kicks but gets caught in a wicked powerbomb.

Ryback goes for another powerbomb but gets caught in the NO Lock out of nowhere. He makes the rope after a VERY long time in the hold and falls out to the floor but Bryan can’t follow up. The suicide dive is caught with Bryan being sent into the announce table. Ryback rams him spine first into the post over and over, knocking Bryan out cold. Instead of covering though, Ryback powerbombs him through a table for the DQ at 15:06.

Rating: C+. These two have some solid chemistry together as Bryan was doing a great job at making you believe he could somehow make Ryback tap. The one thing I didn’t like here though was the commentators saying Bryan could do the impossible. Bryan has won a Triple Crown and just lost a title two weeks ago. Ryback has won a total of nothing noteworthy, so why would it be impossible for Bryan to win?

Post match Ryback loads up another table but Cena makes the save. Axel comes out for the main event as we take a break.

John Cena vs. Curtis Axel

No DQ. Cena starts fast but Heyman trips him up, allowing Axel to take over. The Hennig neck snap puts Cena down and Axel demands a chair. As you would guess it winds up hitting Axel in the back and we head to the outside. Cena loads up the announce table but has to stop for the sake of the count. Back inside and Axel gets in a chair shot to Cena’s ribs and back outside we go. Another chair shot misses Cena and two more miss inside until Cena dropkicks the chair into his face for two.

Cena wedges the chair between the top and middle ropes but gets clotheslined in the back of his head to give Axel control again. Cena comes back with his finishing sequence, only to miss a charge into the corner and crash into the chair. He just beats the count back in but gets beaten down by a bunch of chair shots from Axel. The McGillicutter onto the chair gets two but the PerfectPlex is countered into the STF.

Axel can’t make the rope, but Heyman hands Axel an iPad to blast Cena in the head to break the hold. They head outside again but Heyman distracts Cena long enough to break up the AA. Cue Ryback to beat Cena down and drive him through the table set up earlier for the countout win for Axel at 13:00.

Rating: C+. This was a solid match and there was no other possible ending than the one we got. The key thing here was that Axel hung with Cena every step of the way and again Cena couldn’t actually beat him. This was exactly what they should have done as you can’t have Axel pin Cena, but giving him a win while advancing Ryback vs. Cena is the right call.

Overall Rating: C. This is a hard one to grade. The show certainly isn’t great, but you can’t really call it bad either. The main stories were advanced in a logical way, but they’re not what I would call interesting. There’s definitely an idea here though which is a big upgrade over some of the stuff we’ve been seeing lately. The in ring work continues to be good, but it’s the writing holding WWE back which is a bad thing. This show grew on me as it went on, which isn’t something I can remember saying in a very long time. Decent show here, but it’s firmly capped at that level.

Results

Shield b. HELL NO/Randy Orton – Bulldog Driver to Bryan

Usos b. Prime Time Players – Superfly Splash to Young

Alberto Del Rio b. Big E. Langston – Cradle

Sheamus b. Cody Rhodes – Brogue Kick

Fandango vs. Great Khali went to a no contest

The Miz b. Wade Barrett – Figure Four

Kaitlyn/Funkadactyls b. AJ Lee/Bella Twins – Spear to Nikki Bella

Daniel Bryan b. Ryback via DQ – Ryback powerbombed Bryan through a table

Curtis Axel b. John Cena via countout

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of the WWE Championship from Amazon at:

 

Anyone that has been following my stuff lately knows that I’m not a fan of where WWE is going right now, with the majority of my problems being with Brock and HHH. While I’ve kind of explained why it doesn’t work, it’s not something that can be properly explained in a paragraph or two. I’ve been wanting to do a piece on something like this for awhile now so this fits perfectly. Today we’re going to be talking about audiences identifying with characters and how badly things things can go when that totally misses the mark. Let’s get to it.

 

Before I get into this, a disclaimer: there are MANY more ways for a wrestler to get over with a crowd than the ones I’m going to be talking about here. This is NOT saying that a character is a failure if his character doesn’t completely click, as it’s almost impossible to do that for everyone. Therefore, spare me the “I don’t identify with Cena so his character sucks” jazz, because you’re both missing the point and a lunkhead for saying it, not to mention wasting my time.

 

Since professional wrestling got started, the idea has been to find a way to get people to pay their money to buy a ticket to your shows. This was accomplished by taking two guys, coming up with a reason for them to not like each other, and have a wrestling match for the two guys to fight it out. That’s wrestling booking in a very small nutshell, but for some reason that’s been lost over the years (there’s a LOT to be said about that but we’ll come back to it at a later date).

 

Anyway, the idea is you establish characters with a conflict between them and have them settle said conflict in a match. A lot of these conflicts can be very basic, ranging from “you’ve got a title and I want it” to “I lost that match because of you” to “you had to cheat to beat me so now we’re going to fight in a cage where no one can help you”. There are dozens of ways to tell a story, but the good stories are the ones that involve both people and can only involve those people. We’ll come back to that idea later on.

 

There are limitless amounts of characters that you can have in wrestling. Off the top of my head there has been a zombie, a patriot, a viking, desperadoes, a billionaire, a guy that likes birds, a guy that likes snakes, a plumber, a wisecracking jock, a hippie, a lumberjack and a guy from the future. A lot of those are really basic one idea characters, but some of them are well developed ideas who can adapt to any story. The more in depth the character is, the better that character is, as they can be used for more complicated stories while also being able to be placed into whatever story you like. Let’s look at some examples.

 

We’ll start with the biggest character of all time: Hulk Hogan. When you really think about it, Hulk Hogan in the red and yellow is a really simple character. He’s the quintessential good guy who does the right thing (other than cheating in matches), loves kids, and is an AMERICAN. Think back to the 80s and think about how many times Hulk fought some foreigner and then waved the American flag after winning a match. It was a very basic idea but it always got people excited.

 

Why did it get people excited? Very simple: people love their country. Seriously that’s all there is to it. Americans, and people of almost any other nationality, have a love for their country and like to see it be on top. Why do you think so many fans like professional or college team sports? It’s because that’s THEIR town or THEIR school. It’s a sense of self pride that almost all Americans share.

 

Another and probably better example of this kind of character is Jim Duggan. For those of you unfamiliar (how is that possible?), Duggan was an American patriot who wasn’t all that bright, but he carried the American flag in one hand and a big old board in the other. He said all he needed was the Old Glory and these two fists and he’d never stop fighting. Duggan rarely won big matches, but that loveable oaf stayed around forever because it’s almost impossible to now look at a guy carrying the red white and blue and not smile just a little bit.

 

Now let’s take it one step further and look at a more in depth character who was based around American values and the idea of appealing to the masses: the American Dream Dusty Rhodes. Rhodes was the common man, the son of a plumber, the American Dream. He would say “I have wined and dined with kings and queens, and I’ve slept in alleys eating pork and beans.” The idea was he wasn’t some rich guy who was paid millions of dollars and still loved America. He was like YOU and could relate to what you were going through.

 

This kind of common man character was the perfect opponent for the reigning NWA World Champion, the Nature Boy Ric Flair. Flair often bragged about having whatever woman he wanted, hung out with professional athletes, rode in limousines, flew in private jets, and wore clothes that most people would only stare at through high priced store windows before walking down to Wal-Mart to buy the things they could afford. Flair at one point said that his shoes were worth more than Dusty’s house.

 

One day on television, the yet to be named Four Horsemen broke into a steel cage and beat Dusty down, breaking his ankle. A few months later, Dusty returned and talked about how Ric Flair put hard times on Dusty Rhodes and his family. Flair didn’t know what hard times were, but the American people knew what it was. Hard times are when the textile workers are out of work, or when someone has been working thirty years at a job and is given a watch and told a computer is going to do your job. Dusty didn’t look like the modern day athlete, but he loved the people and reached out his hand to them, promising to take the world title.

 

This promo, called Hard Times, is widely considered the greatest promo of all time because the people could and did identify with it. People got what Dusty was talking about and as they listened, they could see what he was talking about in their own lives. The fans identified with Dusty Rhodes and what he was talking about, making Dusty Rhodes THEIR hero. As luck would have it, this hero would be facing a man who was everything the common man wasn’t at a major wrestling event, and YOU could watch it if you paid your money right now.

 

That’s the idea that I’ve been talking about. You had two guys with developed characters which could be put together against each other with the fans identifying with one as the good guy and the other as the bad guy. The feud was a massive success and is one of the best of all times, possibly even the best that WCW ever produced. To this day it’s still one of the best ever because it was so basically yet effectively done.

 

Going with the same idea, another of the biggest feuds of all time was the feud that fueled the Attitude Era: Steve Austin vs. Vince McMahon. Look at the basics of this feud. You have Steve Austin, a beer drinking brawler from Texas, facing off with a billionaire from Connecticut who was borderline psychotic and willing to allow a demon who worshipped him to burn a cross like symbol on his lawn and have his daughter sacrificed in a Satanic wedding, all to get the WWF Title off of Steve Austin using his army of hand picked Corporate Champions.

 

Now, how in the world can fans relate to something like that? One idea: how many people have ever wanted to beat up their boss? How many people had ever had a boss who said that you weren’t doing things the way he wanted them to or you were punished by some stupid rule? It was YOU who was out there working hard all day and keeping your company running, but your boss is the one making millions of dollars off the hard work you’re putting in. How would you have liked to crack them over the head with a chair, give them a Stunner and have a cold beer?

 

On top of that, there was something Austin did that Hogan or Sammartino (quick aside: Sammartino was an even more basic ethnic champion than Hogan was. New York City had a lot of Italians and that was all Sammartino was: a strong Italian. That was enough to hold the world title over eleven years and sell out Madison Square Garden about two hundred times. It really is that easy.) or anyone else did: he didn’t always overcome the odds. Think about it.

 

Austin was a six time WWF Champion. Here’s how he lost the belt each time: first blood match against a guy in a mask, loss in a glorified handicap match to Undertaker and Kane, lost to Undertaker in a match where Vince and Shane McMahon were both guest referees, triple threat match, lost to an American hero in said hero’s hometown four days after September 11, 2001 and finally to Chris Jericho after already facing Kurt Angle and having Angle interfere in the Jericho match.

 

In short, Austin wasn’t the kind of guy who always overcame impossible odds. When he was against something that no one could overcome, he lost, only to get the title back a few weeks or months later. The key to that is Austin wasn’t Superman, but rather a man like any other. He had limits and weaknesses which could cause him to lose for awhile, but he could always fight another day. That’s something that people have to do all the time, and again it allows people to identify with Austin.

 

I could go on for pages and pages about various other great characters and how fans can identify with them, but you get the point. Now let’s take a look at the other end of the spectrum and how characters can be very basic characters with either no room to grow or no real target audience whatsoever.

 

Looking back at the early to mid-90s, a very bad time for the WWF, we see guys like Friar Ferguson (wrestling friar), T. L. Hopper (wrestling plumber), Rad Radford (grunge musician), Duke Droese (wrestling garbageman), Damien Demento (weird guy) and the Goon (wrestling hockey player). All of these guys have one thing in common (well one major thing in common): There’s nothing to them.

 

Think about it. What is there about any of those guys that makes them good or bad? What is good or evil about a plumber? What kind of storylines can a plumber get into? Why would I cheer or boo a plumber? There’s no thought or depth to this character and he has nowhere to go with anything. It’s a one note character and due to how weak he is, Hopper didn’t last long at all. That could be said with any of these guys, talent levels aside.

 

Now let’s get to the meat of what I want to talk about with the characters not fitting. There are two primary modern examples of this, one of which is HHH/Lesnar which we’ll get to in a bit. First of all though, let’s jump back to the year 2011 when Dolph Ziggler held the United States Title. At this same point, Zack Ryder was becoming very popular due to his online show, Z! True Long Island Story.

 

On the show, Ryder began to fall for WWE Diva Eve Torres, while at the same time starting a petition to get himself a US Title shot. The fans got behind Ryder, even to the point of cheering for him while the Rock was standing in the middle of Madison Square Garden after Survivor Series had went off the air. People wanted Zack Ryder and he was all of a sudden the hottest guy in wrestling.

 

A month later, Ryder got his US Title shot at TLC and won the championship to blow the roof off the building. The fans had gotten what they wanted and their hero had delivered what he promised them he would do if just given the chance. Around the same time, Eve started noticing Zack, meaning that Ryder was getting the cherry on top of the US Title. Life was perfect for Ryder, at least for now.

 

Soon after this, Kane started targeting Ryder’s friend John Cena. Cena came back at Kane, so Kane went after Ryder and Eve. One night Kane destroyed Ryder and went after Eve, only to have Cena make the save. Eve, in gratitude, kissed Cena as Ryder watched from the side, disgusted with his friend for betraying him like he had. Soon after this, Ryder lost the US Title and Cena didn’t really seem to care. A month or two later, Eve turned on Ryder, costing him his match at Wrestlemania. Ryder has been right back where he was before his web show ever since.

 

Now let’s break this scenario down. At this point, WWE’s target audience was younger people, ranging from children to teenagers. The two main guys in this story are Zack Ryder and John Cena. Look at those two. Ryder is a glorified geek who was in WAY over his head but got his one shot at glory and won the big one. At the same time, he was head over heels for a woman way out of his league and seemingly got her too. On the other hand you have John Cena. Cena was a mainstream celebrity, looked like he was carved out of stone, handsome, one of the biggest stars ever, and the epitome of the top dog.

 

Who do you think most people are going to relate to? Back in middle school or high school, how many people saw some guy or girl that they were completely taken by? They would saw off their own leg for a smile from the other person, but the person they wanted had no idea they were alive. The guy or girl you wanted was off with either a gorgeous cheerleader or a starting running back and wouldn’t know your name if their life depended on it. How many of you were like that when you were say, fifteen?

 

At the end of the day, the vast majority of people are like Ryder: awkward, not popular, a face in the crowd and have no chance to get the one that they want. Yet in this story, it’s Cena who is the hero. Cena, the star football player or head cheerleader, is the one that gets the gorgeous girl and gets to slay the giant, rather than Ryder who looks like the loser he’s always been made out to be. In this story, the dream that the common man has was crushed and given to the one who has it all, and we’re supposed to cheer him for it. I’m sure there are people out there who can more than identify with Cena, but they’re in the minority.

 

To better illustrate how backwards this was, let’s take a look at my all time favorite moment: Mankind wins his first WWF Championship. It’s the same basic idea: Mankind is the outcast who had few friends and was labeled a freak, while Rock was the star athlete who has been bred for success from the day he was born. Again, how many people were basically outcasts in high school and how many people were the top athlete that wound up playing pro football?

 

On January 4, 1999, Mankind won the title and Michael Cole sums up the entire feud perfectly: “Mick Foley has achieved his dream and the dream of everyone else who has been told you can’t do it.” That’s the entire story in a nutshell: this was the moment for fans who hadn’t even been the best and on top of the world. They could identify with wanting Foley to achieve his dream and on that night, that’s exactly what they got.

 

Now for the difference between Ryder and Foley (oddly enough both from Long Island and they both beat guys from south Florida to win their titles): while Foley lost his title less than a month later, Foley never was treated like an underling again. From that moment on, he was a bonafide main event star and had risen up the card after winning a major match. Ryder never ascended at all and was back where he started from a few months later. The fans had put their faith in Foley and he had carried them to a higher level.

 

This FINALLY brings me back to the HHH vs. Lesnar story. There are two major problems with it, aside from the matches being nowhere near good enough to warrant this kind of a feud. First and foremost, who is this supposed to appeal to? I know HHH was pretty popular, but there isn’t much of a fanbase that fits into the “13 time world champion who married into the family that owns the company by marrying the boss’ gorgeous daughter which has put me in position to run a billion dollar company for the next thirty years while getting to beat up former UFC Heavyweight Champions” category.

 

That’s my big problem with this. The only person that seems to gain anything from this feud is HHH. This also ties into my second problem: it’s a HHH feud. This story has nothing at all to do with Brock Lesnar, who is a once in a generation talent. Think back with me to Extreme Rules 2012 and Lesnar’s match with John Cena.

 

Coming into the match, Cena had just gotten done facing The Rock at Wrestlemania 28 in one of the biggest matches of all time. Cena had dominated the company to the point that WWE had to bring the Rock back to give Cena a legitimate challenge. Once that was gone, they had to bring in the former UFC Heavyweight Champion of the World to make Cena break a sweat. Lesnar MAULED Cena on Raw and at the PPV, taking Cena down with ease and laughing about it at the time.

 

Look back at that match. The fans start cheering for Cena because they know he’s in the fight of his life. It isn’t because they love Cena per se. It’s because they want to see the underdog somehow pull off the miracle and beat someone he’s in WAY over his head against. Compare this to HHH, who has basically only lost to Lesnar because he’s gotten caught in a hold or Lesnar’s manager has cheated, not because Lesnar is a force that can’t be stopped. It’s hard to buy that John Cena gets run over by Lesnar like a train but HHH can stand and fight Brock toe to toe.

 

Finally, as I said HHH vs. Lesnar is a HHH story and there’s not a huge fanbase that can get into that. Think back to the night that Lesnar destroyed HHH’s office. None of that stuff was personal to HHH. It was furniture and electronics that was paid for by the company. It shows how he isn’t a common man but rather a corporate guy who can fight. For a company that is supposed to be targeting kids, it’s kind of hard to accept them getting upset over a bunch of furniture being destroyed.

 

On top of THAT, Brock Lesnar is just a warm body in this feud. Think about it like this: you could put ANY monster heel in this feud and it would be the same story. You could have Big Show, Mark Henry, a heel Sheamus, or any other big strong guy you wanted to have in Brock’s role and the story would be the same, because the story is about HHH. When Lesnar fought Cena, ONLY Brock Lesnar could fit in that role because ONLY Brock Lesnar was a force that Cena had never faced before. In short, both characters have to fit the story. Dusty Rhodes’ common man character doesn’t work without a rich man in Flair to play against.

 

To wrap things up, that’s why I don’t like HHH vs. Lesnar: it’s a Triple H story instead of a Brock story, and it’s really hard to get behind a HHH story as there isn’t a huge fanbase that can identify with him. That would be fine if their matches were blowing the doors off the place, but they’re simply not doing that. They’re good, but not nearly good enough to warrant a year long feud.

 

In general, that lack of depth can be made up for by having the audience identify with one or both of the characters, such as in all the examples I gave you. Almost no one is going to be rich like Vince, but a lot of people can identify with having a boss they want to beat up. Identifying with the audience is one of the hardest things to do in wrestling, but if you can pull it off you have (in theory) the hardest part done and the booking can take care of the rest.

Wrestlemania XIX
Date: March 30, 2003
Location: Safeco Field, Seattle, Washington
Attendance: 54,097
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz, Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross

We’re into the brand split now, which means there are two world titles to deal with. On this show however there are two other matches which could easily be considered the main event. This show is considered one of the best Wrestlemanias of all time but I’ve never been the biggest fan of it due to reasons I’ll list later on. My opinion has been changed before though so let’s get to it.

The opening video is about what Wrestlemania means to everyone. This is the theme they went with last year and it works here like it did last year. Interestingly enough most of these highlights are from Wrestlemania X7 instead of last year’s show.

The theme song is called Crack Addict. Needless to say this was never mentioned on TV.

Cruiserweight Title: Rey Mysterio vs. Matt Hardy

Matt is defending and this is during his Matt Hardy Version 1 period. In other words, he was completely self obsessed and had factoids popping up on screen during his entrance (Matt is appearing in his 4^th Wrestlemania, Matt often wonders how they did Wrestlemania without him, Matt strongly dislikes mustard etc). He also has Shannon Moore as his Mattitude Follower (MF’er). Matt tries to speed things up to start but Rey backdrops him to the apron and adds a fast headscissors to take over. Oh and Rey is starting the “dress up like a superhero at Wrestlemania” thing here by wearing a Daredevil themed mask.

Rey loads up a sunset bomb to the floor but Moore makes another save. The champion takes over with a shot to the ribs for two back inside before hitting a Ricochet (kind of side slam) for two. Rey jumps into a kick to the ribs but still counters the Twist of Fate into a rollup for two. The Side Effect gets two for the champion and it’s off to a bow and arrow hold.

That doesn’t last long so Matt tries a shoulder into the corner, only to go shoulder first into the post. Rey hits a springboard seated senton and a tornado DDT for two each but Moore breaks up the 619. Twist of Fate gets two and Hardy is getting frustrated. Matt loads up a superplex but gets countered into a rana out of the corner for two. Moore tries to interfere again but Hardy is rammed into him instead, allowing Rey to hit the 619. The West Coast Pop is ducked though and Matt rolls him up with a handful of ropes to retain.

Rating: C+. This felt like it ended out of nowhere which isn’t the right way to end a match like this. Mysterio was brand new and WAY over at this point, so not giving him the title here was kind of a headscratching move. Rey would win the title from Hardy, although it wouldn’t be for another three months. The match itself was still pretty solid stuff though with both guys moving all over the place and Matt using enough power moves to counter Rey while still being fast enough to be a cruiserweight if that makes sense.

The Miller Lite Catfight Girls are here. This would be your celebrity involvement for the year. They were from a series of beer commercials and would argue over various stupid things, in this case which match is bigger: Vince vs. Hogan or Rock vs. Austin III.

We recap Undertaker’s partner for later tonight, Nathan Jones, being laid out by A-Train and Big Show earlier tonight.

Limp Bizkit plays Undertaker to the ring and no one cares. By plays to the ring I mean performs the song until Taker finally comes out.

Undertaker vs. A-Train/Big Show

Taker avoids a sneak attack to start and hits a quick chokeslam on A-Train for two. Big Show pulls him to the floor though and will be starting it seems. Taker has to fight out of the wrong corner and it’s quickly off to A-Train. The dead man busts out a LEAPFROG of all things before taking A-Train down with a back elbow. Old School hits but Taker has to punch Big Show instead of covering.

The Derailer (chokebomb) puts Taker down and Big Show rams him into the post for good measure. Back in and A-Train hits a slingshot into the middle rope for two. Big Show comes in again and all Taker can do is throw desperate right hands. A Big Show chokeslam is countered into a Fujiwara Armbar of all things but A-Train comes in to break it up. Taker throws him in a cross armbreaker but Big Show legdrops him to take control.

Off to an abdominal stretch by Big Show to slow things down a bit. A-Train adds in some cheating before coming in for an abdominal stretch of his own. Now Taker counters into one of his own to complete the set (You can own them all!), only to have A-Train hip toss his way out of it. A-Train clotheslines him down and talks some LOUD trash before Taker comes back with right hands. A running DDT gets two for Taker but it’s back to Big Show.

Taker is like screw this defense stuff and pounds away on Big Show in the corner before running across the ring over and over for clotheslines to both guys. The jumping clothesline puts Show down but a bicycle kick from A-Train puts him down all over again. There’s a Big Show chokeslam but here’s Nathan Jones in the aisle to knock out Big Show with a spin kick. Jones come in and kicks A-Train down, setting up the Tombstone to continue the Streak.

Rating: C. Another not bad match here with Taker doing what he could with two guys this size. It was kind of slow, but there’s only so much you can do with this kind of a clash of styles and no partner for the Dead Man. While definitely not memorable or anything, it did well enough at what it was supposed to do, bad musical number aside.

Undertaker waves an American flag post match to show how awesome he is.

The Catfight Girls run into Stacy Keibler and Torrie in the back with talk of a new marketing campaign. Next.

We recap the Heat match where the Dudleys cost RVD and Kane the tag titles for no apparent reason. This won’t be mentioned again tonight.

Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Jazz vs. Victoria

Victoria is defending and is still psycho here. She’s also Tara for you TNA fans. Jazz hits a quick dropkick for two on Trish before Victoria can even get to the ring. Off to what we would call a Last Chancery to the Canadian after the champion is knocked to the floor. Everyone winds up outside with the champion taking over. She sends Trish back inside for a slingshot legdrop, getting two. Jazz and Victoria square off now before turning their attentions back to Stratus for some double teaming.

That goes nowhere though as it’s time for the villains to fight again with Jazz getting two off a powerslam. Trish comes back with a rollup on Victoria for two but she clotheslines Trish down for two as a result. Jerry: “Trish is like a quarter among pennies in there.” JR: “…..what?” Jazz hits a sitout powerslam for two on Stratus before arguing with Victoria even more. A spin kick by Jazz hits Victoria by mistake and allows Trish to roll her up for two. The Chick Kick puts Jazz down and the Stratusphere does the same to Victoria.

The champion is knocked to the floor as Jazz puts Trish in a half crab which is transitioned into an STF. Victoria’s boyfriend/manager Steven Richards comes in to send Jazz to the floor, allowing the other two to trade rollups for two each. Jazz comes back in and lifts Trish up for a double chickenwing before dropping her down on her uh…face. Yeah face. Victoria kicks Jazz down but misses a moonsault, knocking herself to the floor. Richards comes in and hits himself with a chair. As he goes to the floor, Trish hits the Chick Kick on Victoria for the pin and the title.

Rating: C. Not bad again here and one of the better women’s matches I’ve seen in a long time. There wasn’t much of a story being told here but at the same time, they looked like they knew what they were doing and never looked lost, which puts them miles ahead of anything in the last three years of Divas matches.

Hollywood Rock doesn’t want to hear about the People because they booed him last year. Rock is indeed a sellout because he sells out every Wrestlemania he’s been at. Tonight he doesn’t care about the people because tonight is about fulfilling his destiny by beating Austin at Wrestlemania once and for all. He talks about everyone remembering Act III and they’ll remember it tonight when Rock beats Austin in their final encounter at Wrestlemania. Not his best work here.

Smackdown Tag Titles: Los Guerreros vs. Chris Benoit/Rhyno vs. World’s Greatest Tag Team

Haas and Benjamin are defending here. This is Benoit’s reward for having the match of the year against Angle two months earlier, followed by a feud with the freaking FBI while Kevin Nash got world title shots on PPV. I’m sure HHH has NOTHING to do with this right? It’s a big brawl to start until we get down to Benoit vs. Guerrero for a chop off. They collide in the middle of the ring with both guys going down. Rhyno comes in to face Eddie and gets two off a powerslam.

Off to Shelton who pounds Rhyno down before hitting an elbow to the face for two. Off to Haas for a double tag team by the champions on Rhyno. Rhyno throws Haas around with ease and it’s off to Benoit for more chops in the corner. A snap suplex gets two as does its belly to back cousin. Back to Rhyno vs. Benjamin as the announcers talk about Haas and Benjamin having stage fright.

Eddie comes in and dropkicks Rhyno down before it’s back to Benoit for more chopping on his fellow dead guy. Eddie snapmares him down and loads up the Frog Splash, only to have Benoit run over to the corner for some crotching and a superplex. Guerrero comes right back with a brainbuster for two as Haas breaks up the cover again. Off to Chavo who fires off some fast clotheslines to the champions, only to get caught in Rolling Germans by Benoit.

Benjamin comes in off a blind tag and superkicks Chris down for two. Eddie tags himself in and collides with Benoit to put both guys down. Shelton comes in to work on Benoit some more and a legdrop gets two. Eddie breaks it up with a Frog Splash but Chavo tags himself in, only to be suplexed down by Haas. Rhyno comes in for some Gores including one to Chavo, but Benjamin comes in (I have no idea if he was legal) and steals the retaining pin on Chavo.

Rating: C. The match was fine but it had no business being on Wrestlemania. This could have been on any given episode of Smackdown and no one would have noticed the difference. Rhyno and Benoit were just thrown together while the Guerreros were a regular team and former champions. Not bad here but not Wrestlemania worthy.

The Catfight Girls and Stacy/Torrie now argue over who made Wrestlemania. This is so stupid. They’re going to settle the argument in bed. Oh dear. One of the girls keeps saying Hulk “Holgan”.

Right here is where things start to become problematic. There are five matches left on the card and any one of them could be a PPV main event on a major show. The problem is there’s nothing but that left and we’re only an hour into the show.

We recap Shawn vs. Jericho. Shawn returned last year and won the world title in a shocker. The two of them started feuding right before the Rumble where they eliminated each other. Jericho wanted to be a wrestler because he wanted to be Shawn Michaels. People started calling him the next HBK, but he wanted to be the first Chris Jericho. Jericho then went insane with the jealousy and obsession with being the best by destroying Shawn with a chair. One night when Jericho was walking through the entrance, Shawn superkicked him and said he would see Jericho at Wrestlemania.

Chris Jericho vs. Shawn Michaels

As Shawn comes to the ring he fires off a bunch of confetti canons but some of them don’t work. Shawn’s “what are you gonna do” look is funny. Lockup to start with Shawn taking over via an armdrag. Jericho escapes the armbar attempt so Shawn lounges on the top rope to rub it in. Off to a hammerlock by the Texan and we get a nice technical sequence with the two mirroring each other very nicely. Shawn hooks a headlock takeover for some token two counts as things are still in first gear.

Back up and Jericho avoids a leapfrog and slaps Shawn in the face. Shawn slaps him right back and avoids a charge, sending Jericho out to the floor. A baseball slide keeps Jericho in trouble but back inside he rolls through a top rope cross body for two. Jericho hits a spinwheel kick to put Shawn down again before sending him into the buckle. Shawn blocks the bulldog though and crotches Jericho in the corner. At least Fozzy will have some higher pitched songs now.

Shawn puts on a Figure Four of all things but Jericho quickly rolls it over. Another attempt at the hold is countered and Jericho sends Shawn shoulder first into the post. Jericho tries to throw him to the floor but Shawn skins the cat into a headscissors to bring Jericho outside with him, followed by a sweet plancha to take Chris down again. Shawn tries a dropkick on the floor, only to be caught in the Walls of Jericho.

The American’s back is all messed up again now and Jericho rams him back first into the post a few times for good measure. As Shawn tries to get back in Jericho hits that sweet springboard dropkick of his and nails Shawn right in the face. A pair of suplexes get two for Jericho back inside and there’s a backbreaker for good measure. Off to a chinlock with a knee in Shawn’s back to give them a breather.

Shawn fights up and counters a backdrop into a DDT to put both guys down. Jericho still gets up first anyway and hits Shawn’s forearm and nipup combo for good measure. Shawn nips up as well and starts slugging away before hitting a backdrop to put Jericho down. The moonsault press out of the corner gets two and they trade pinfall attempt at a very fast pace, resulting in Shawn rolling out of the Walls. Gee his back seems fine all of a sudden.

Jericho hits a northern lights suplex for two but Shawn bridges up into a backslide attempt, only to have Chris knock him down. There’s the bulldog put Shawn down but the Lionsault only gets two. Shawn tries a standing rana but gets countered into the Walls as Jericho to put Michaels in BIG trouble. Ok maybe bot so big as he makes the rope a few seconds alter. Shawn grabs a quick small package for two but gets caught in a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker to put him back down.

Jericho loads up Sweet Chin Music for the final insult and it hits just about perfectly. That only gets two as does a cross body by Shawn. Shawn keeps the thunder stealing theme going by trying the Walls on Jericho but has to opt for a catapult into the corner instead. Jericho comes back with a belly to back superplex attempt but Shawn counters in mid air into a cross body for two.

Michaels goes up again but Jericho kicks the referee into the ropes to crotch Shawn down on the top. Jericho tries a superplex but gets shoved down and hit with the top rope elbow for two. Shawn loads up the Superkick but gets caught in the Walls again. Jericho drags him back to the middle of the ring but Shawn makes it on the second attempt.

A boot to the faces gets two for Shawn as the fans are WAY into this now. Back up and Jericho whips him hard into the corner for a Flair Flip to mess with the back even more. Chris tries a belly to back suplex but Shawn flips over and jumps up into a rolling cradle for the pin out of nowhere on Jericho.

Rating: A-. What did you expect off a match like this? They beat the heck out of each other here, although Shawn’s eternally on and off selling was a bit distracting. They did a great job of telling the back and forth story though, and that’s what the whole point here was. It’s also a loss that doesn’t hurt the loser which is always a good thing.

Post match Jericho kicks Shawn low like a real heel.

Sylvan Grenier, a crooked referee, goes in to see Vince.

We get the new attendance record announcement.

Limp Bizkit performs Crack Addict live. Again, not the best use of PPV time to say the least.

It’s time for the Catfight nonsense. The Girls are brought out as are Stacy and Torrie, all of whom sit on a bed for effect. This is exactly what you would expect: clothes being ripped off, spanking, Coach being stripped down. You know the drill.

We recap Booker T. vs. HHH which is borderline uncomfortable. Booker talked about being an ex-con and making his way up to where he is now. HHH started saying “someone like you shouldn’t be world champion”, which very quickly came to have extremely racial overtones. Booker won a battle royal for the shot and pinned HHH in a tag match leading up to this.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. Booker T

HHH is in his manly purple trunks here. They fight into the corner to start with Booker smacking HHH in the face a few times to take over. A backdrop puts HHH down but he comes back with a clothesline. The champion goes up top but just like his mentor, he gets armdragged down with ease. A clothesline puts HHH down for two but Booker goes up and gets knocked down to the floor for his efforts.

Booker gets sent into the announce table as the referee tells HHH to get back in, complete with some very salty language from the referee. Lawler keeps making jokes about Booker being an ex-con as HHH gets two off a neckbreaker. Booker tries to fight back with right hands but gets caught in a spinebuster for two for the champion. A suplex is escaped though and Booker DDTs him down for no cover.

Booker pounds away on HHH before taking him down with a forearm. A spinning variety of said forearm gets two but HHH comes back with his lame sleeper, which was the move he was trying to get over at this point to no avail. The facebuster staggers Booker but he comes back with a quick spinebuster for two. HHH tries going up again but jumps into a jumping superkick for two.

The Harlem Side Kick misses HHH and Booker crashes out to the floor. Flair gets in some shots before sending Booker back in for a freaking Indian Deathlock as we continue the trip back to 1974. Since the hold goes on forever and I have a chance to look at it, the question occurs to me of why does that hold hurt? Their legs are in the exact same positions, so why would it only hurt Booker?

Anyway Booker gets to the rope for the break and we get to the work over the leg to set up the Figure Four because we need to pay tribute to Flair every 18 seconds portion of the match. A rollup out of nowhere gets two for Booker and he counters the Pedigree, only to be kicked into the referee in the corner. Not that it matters as the referee counts a quick two off a rollup anyway.

A big back elbow puts HHH down and the scissors kick looks to finish but Booker can’t cover. The delayed cover gets two and Booker goes up top. He has to knock Flair down, allowing HHH to load up a superplex. That gets broken up too though and it’s the Harlem Hangover (flip legdrop) for a very close two thanks to Flair. Not that it matters though as HHH kicks him in the leg, hits the Pedigree, covers 30 seconds later and retains the title.

Rating: C+. The match wasn’t horrible but TOTALLY the wrong booking here. There was zero reason to have HHH go over here other than he wanted to. Booker had been built up perfectly over the last few weeks and every sign pointed to him winning here, but instead HHH absolutely has to go over to set up that EPIC Kevin Nash feud in a few months.

Wrestlemania 20 is in Madison Square Garden.

We recap Hulk Hogan vs. Vince McMahon. This feud was A MESS as all of a sudden Hogan came back and Vince decided he hated him so they should fight. The problem is Vince never quite made his reasons for suddenly hating Hogan clear other than Vince was nuts. This led to a debate about which of them made Wrestlemania and saying the match was 20 years in the making. Not exactly but when nothing else in the feud makes sense, why should this?

Hulk Hogan vs. Vince McMahon

This is a street fight because that’s how Vince rolls and if Hogan loses he has to retire. Hogan pounds away to start before pounding away on the mat. Vince is knocked down into the corner and stomped down for good measure but he gets in a thumb to the eye to give himself a breather. A clothesline takes Hogan down and Vince Pounds away in the corner. He drops some knees into Hogan’s shoulder as we actually get an attempt at psychology here. Seriously, why?

Vince wraps the arm around the post before hooking a test of strength grip with Hulk in trouble. Hogan tries to fight up but gets kicked right back down. That works so well that they do it again before Vince throws Hogan out to the floor. With Hogan in trouble Vince picks up a chair but the swing only hits post. Hogan pounds him down and hits a chair shot to Vince’s head for good measure, busting Vince open.

They head back in, only for Hogan to punch him out to the floor. Another chair shot to the back puts Vince down as does a third. Hogan swings again but knocks out the Spanish announcer by mistake. Vince hits Hogan in his Real American testicles as the slow brawling continues. A chair shot puts Hogan down and Vince pulls out a ladder, making me think this ends badly.

Hulk is busted open too as Vince lays him onto the announce table. In the big spot of the match, Vince climbs the ladder and drops a “leg” through Hogan and through the table. Hogan is thrown back in as Vince gets a lead pipe. He looks up from under the ring apron and has a hilariously evil grin on his face. Vince loads up a pipe shot but Hogan hits him low. Cue RODDY PIPER of all people to blast Hogan in the head with the pipe. This surprises Cole and Tazz because….they’re not that bright. Seriously, Piper and Hogan HATED each other and they’re surprised he attacked Hogan? Why?

Piper leaves and Vince gets two off the pipe shot. This match needs to end like NOW as it’s well past the point of entertaining and is reaching stupid. Vince goes for the pipe but is stopped by the referee, causing the referee to go flying out to the floor. The EVIL French referee from earlier today comes out as Hulk is hit with another pipe shot and a Vince legdrop for two. It’s Hulk Up time though and he lays out both Vince and the crooked referee before hitting the big boot and THREE legdrops to kill Vince dead for the pin.

Rating: D+. This wasn’t the worst match in the world but going twenty minutes completely misses the idea of something like this. Again I’m not sure what this accomplishes other than setting up Hogan vs. Piper in a feud that didn’t exactly light the world on fire in 2013. Fun but pretty awful match here.

Shane McMahon comes out to check on his father post match. He glares at Hogan but nothing happens. Ok then. Ever the jerk, the bloody Vince flips off Hogan to end things.

We recap Rock vs. Austin III. Austin came back from walking out on the company due to boredom and the newly heel Hollywood Rock wanted to finally beat Austin at Wrestlemania. Do you need much else of a story beyond that?

Steve Austin vs. The Rock

Austin pounds away to start but can’t hook an early Stunner. Rock bails to the floor but gets clotheslined down in the aisle. Austin rams him into the steps and chops away before dropping him onto the barricade a few times. Rock is whipped HARD into the steps before they head back inside. A big clothesline puts Rock down but he takes out Austin’s bad knee to send Steve to the floor.

Rock stomps away on the knee as Austin stumbles around ringside. The leg is wrapped around the post but Austin pops up with more right hands. Rock kicks the leg out again and puts on the Sharpshooter, only to have Austin crawl to the rope. JR goes on a big rant against Lawler about how this is a wrestling match and not about puppies or Hollywood. Rock wraps the leg around the post a few more times before heading outside and putting on Austin’s vest.

Austin comes back with a clothesline and the Thesz Press to pound away on Rock. The middle finger elbow keeps Rock down again and it’s time to stomp a mudhole, but Rock comes back with right hands. Austin counters with a Rock Bottom of his own for a very close two. Rock fights up and hits a Stunner of his own out of nowhere for two more. Back up again and Rock pounds away, only to walk into the real Stunner for another close two.

Austin goes to pick Rock up but the guy with Austin’s vest on hits him low to break it up. The People’s Elbow misses but the Stunner is countered into a spinebuster, followed by the removal of the vest and the Elbow for two. A Rock Bottom gets two on Austin, another Rock Bottom gets two but a BIG Rock Bottom is finally enough to end Austin.

Rating: B+. It’s definitely a step or three below the one from two years ago but it’s definitely still entertaining. My problem with it as usual though is that it doesn’t have anything on it. When you have two huge matches between the two before when they were on top and now you get them both well past their primes for nothing but pride, it’s a bit harder to get into it. Still very good, but not as great as their others.

Austin salutes the crowd for the final time as he leaves. As of this 2013, this is Austin’s final match.

We recap Brock Lesnar vs. Kurt Angle for the main event. The idea is simple: Angle is an awesome wrestler, Lesnar thinks he’s better. Brock won the Rumble to get the shot and tonight is a mega showdown. At this point though, Angle’s neck is basically hanging on by a thread.

There was a very real chance he would have to retire before the match, but he begged and pleaded to be allowed to have this match, which most people believed would be his last. There was a match in Pittsburgh on Smackdown where Lesnar beat Angle, but it wound up being his very similar brother Eric. This match was originally going to be the title change because Kurt couldn’t go at Wrestlemania.

Smackdown World Title: Brock Lesnar vs. Kurt Angle

If Angle is disqualified or counted out or if anyone interferes, he loses the title. Lesnar has slightly injured ribs and Cole’s voice is almost gone. Brock sends him into the corner to start but Kurt takes him down to the mat with a front facelock. They fight over an armbar with neither guy being able to get extended control. Now it’s a fight over a headlock as the fast paced mat work continues.

Lesnar rolls Angle off and it’s a standoff. Brock takes him down with an armdrag into an armbar but Kurt grabs a rope. He pounds away at Brock’s back but Lesnar fires off some shoulders into Angle’s ribs in the corner. A powerslam puts Angle down for two but Angle comes right back with a German suplex. After Brock hits a fast gorilla press, Angle hits another German to send Brock’s ribs into the buckle.

Angle goes after the ribs like a barracuda, stomping away in the corner before hooking a chinlock with a bodyscissors. He shifts it into a kind of crossface grip before into a chinlock. A knee to Brock’s back sends him out to the floor but as they come back inside, Brock plants him down with a spinebuster. Lesnar fires off some clotheslines and shoulders in the corner, only to charge into an elbow. Brock is fine with that by snapping off an overhead belly to belly and another one for two.

Kurt comes back with Rolling Germans and Brock is spent. Angle’s neck is bothering him though and you can see his eyes not looking right. The Angle Slam is countered into an F5 attempt but Angle reverses that into the ankle lock. Brock gets the rope but Angle pulls him back without the hold being broken. For some reason that’s ok with the referee and Kurt switches it up to a half crab. Brock finally kicks Angle away and launches him out to the floor.

The champ hits a SWEET release German on Brock for two and the Angle Slam gets the same. Lesnar comes back with the Angle Slam for two of his own as the fans are getting way into this now. Back to the ankle lock by Kurt and he hooks the grapevine for good measure. Brock somehow makes it to the rope, which I believe is the only time anyone has escaped the grapevine version of the ankle lock.

F5 is countered into a small package but the Angle Slam is countered into another F5 which connects for no cover. Instead Brock goes to the top rope for the famous spot of the match, as he completely botches a Shooting Star Press, landing square on his head. With Lesnar’s brains somewhere in Bermuda, Angle covers for two. Lesnar stands up, hits another F5, and wins the title before heading off for medical attention. The gone look on Brock’s face is terrifying.

Rating: B+. It’s another very good match, but it’s still not a masterpiece. The botch is the main thing that people remember but the match is still very good for the most part. Angle competing in this condition was freaking STUPID at the end of the day and it’s no wonder that he’s basically insane now. Very good match though and a good way to start Lesnar’s second title reign.

Both guys stagger to their feet and hug to end the show.

Overall Rating: A-. It’s an excellent show but it’s not as great as Mania 17. The opening stuff didn’t work nearly as well as the main event stuff, but the biggest thing holding it back from greatness is the lack of THAT match. The most memorable thing about this show is the Shooting Star and that’s because it was a botch. If that thing hit though, this is much higher because that’s a huge Wrestlemania moment to put Lesnar way higher up in history. Still though, excellent show and well worth watching.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Ratings Comparison

Matt Hardy vs. Rey Mysterio

Original: C-

Redo: C+

Undertaker vs. A-Train/Big Show

Original: D

Redo: C

Trish Stratus vs. Victoria vs. Jazz

Original: D+

Redo: C

Los Guerreros vs. Team Angle vs. Chris Benoit/Rhyno

Original: C+

Redo: C

Chris Jericho vs. Shawn Michaels

Original: A-

Redo: A-

HHH vs. Booker T

Original: C+

Redo: C+

Hulk Hogan vs. Vince McMahon

Original: B

Redo: D+

The Rock vs. Steve Austin

Original: B+

Redo: B+

Kurt Angle vs. Brock Lesnar

Original: A-

Redo: B+

Overall Rating

Original: B

Redo: A-

What the heck was I thinking on that Hogan match?

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/03/26/history-of-wrestlemania-with-kb-wrestlemania-19-overrated/