Smackdown
Date: May 8, 2020
Location: WWE Performance Center, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves

It’s the go home show for Money in the Bank and I’m not sure what else there is to set up. Part of the problem over the last few weeks is building up to a show that is centered around something likely to take place later. That isn’t exactly a thrilling destination, and the TV leading up to it hasn’t been all that strong either. Maybe things can change next week, but this could be a rough one to finish the build. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Mandy Rose, with Otis, and Sonya Deville, with Dolph Ziggler, are warming up for their match.

Mandy Rose vs. Sonya Deville

Mandy has a bad leg coming in but goes straight at Sonya in the corner and hammers away. It works so well that she does it again, sending Sonya bailing to the floor. Back in and Sonya hits a running knee for two and we hit the bodyscissors with Sonya shouting about how embarrassed Mandy should be. They head outside with Mandy sending her into the steps and then over the announcers’ table for a big crash. Back in and Mandy loads up the Bed of Roses but Sonya reverses into a rollup with trunks for the pin at 5:02.

Rating: C. Mandy was fired up here and I’m glad Sonya won after her showcasing herself well in recent weeks, but was anyone waiting for Fire & Desire to explode? They weren’t exactly a top level team in the first place and now we’re seeing them fight. It’s a fine story, but I don’t know if it carries the weight WWE thinks it has.

New Day/Lucha House Party vs. Miz/John Morrison/Forgotten Sons

Jaxson Ryker is here with the Sons. Miz and Kofi start things off but everything breaks down in a hurry. The villains are sent to the floor and it’s a dive from everyone not named Big E. to take them out. Back from a break with Blake stomping on Big E. in the corner until it’s reversed into an abdominal stretch. The Warrior Splash connects and the House Parts adds three splashes of their own for two.

Kofi comes back in with a top rope stomp to the arm, only to miss a splash into the post. Miz comes in to stomp away, setting up Morrison’s hard running knee to the face. Now it’s Kofi being sent outside for a suicide dive and we take a break. Back again with Morrison hammering on Kofi but Miz gets kicked away….so the Sons pulls everyone to the floor to prevent the hot tag. SOS plants Miz though and it’s the hot tag to bring in Gran Metalik for a springboard flipping seated senton.

Dorado adds a spike hurricanrana into a 450 but the Sons make the save. The Midnight Hour is broken up and it’s the double stomp/reverse DDT combination on the floor to plant Big E. Back in and Dorado gets some rollups for two on Morrison but a backflip Samoan drop (geez) plants Dorado right back. Starship Pain misses and it’s a reverse hurricanrana to Morrison, only to have Miz slip in for the Skull Crushing Finale and the pin at 17:58.

Rating: B-. This was a nice long match where different people got to got out and showcase themselves. If nothing else, it’s nice to see a match about building momentum that might actually has something to do with winning the match on Sunday. I can’t imagine anyone but the Sons leaving as champions, but it was a pretty good match on the way there.

King Corbin is ready to team with Cesaro and Shinsuke Nakamura tonight but he’s looking forward to Sunday. He wants to see how far Rey Mysterio can fly off the roof and knows that Otis will clog the elevator like he clogs his arteries.

Here’s Jeff Hardy for a chat. He’s worked hard to get back here and can still hear the fans in his head. Sheamus is watching in the back and can’t believe this is what he was waiting on for all these weeks. Jeff says he can’t believe Sheamus didn’t interrupt him yet so here’s Sheamus right on cue. Sheamus doesn’t want to hear about Hardy, who has been around forever and done everything around here, wanting one more run. The fans are tired of him and his suspensions, releases and no shows.

Above all else though, they’re tired of the wasted potential. Jeff calls him a hater but Sheamus says he’s really a fan. When is the real Jeff coming back? Jeff says he should ask the same thing about Sheamus, who says Jeff’s flame has barely been burning for too long. Sheamus comes to the ring to extinguish it for good and the fight is on. Jeff slugs away and hits a Whisper in the Wind into the Twist of Fate. The Swanton connects and shouting on the ropes ensues.

Here’s Braun Strowman for a chat. It’s true that he debuted as part of the Wyatt Family but now he’s his own man. Now Bray has been sending him presents to remind him of the past but if Bray has something to say to him, come do it to his face. Cue Bray, with a very enthusiastic “HI BRAUN!”

Bray says that he created Strowman and knows what is best for him. He can teach Braun how to be special and all it’s going to take is the Universal Title. Bray needs to GET the Universal Title and he repeats the line, but Braun isn’t going to say GET THESE HANDS to prove a point. Bray hands him a mask and the puppets pop up to beg him to come home. Braun says he is home and he has the Universal Title. On Sunday, he’s going to keep it.

Maybe it’s Strowman’s delivery but I can’t get behind this feud. It wasn’t like Strowman was a major part of the Wyatts so having him worried about the past doesn’t quite work. The idea makes sense, but I’m not exactly buying into it. That and I have little confidence in Strowman retaining, so it feels like a given ending (even if it might not be one).

Daniel Bryan and Drew Gulak have a chat with Otis.

Lacey Evans/Tamina vs. Bayley/Sasha Banks

Sasha and Bayley play Rock Paper Scissors to decide who starts so Tamina clotheslines them out to the floor. Bayley winds up starting and kicks Tamina into the corner, only to get thrown down with ease. A Sasha distraction lets Bayley get in a shot to the leg and the double teaming begins. Lacey cuts Bayley off on the floor so Tamina can grab her by the hair. Since Tamina isn’t that good though, Bayley snaps Tamina’s throat across the top and we take a break.

Back with a double elbow getting two on Lacey but she’s over for the hot tag to Tamina anyway. Bayley gets crushed in the corner but the top rope splash misses. The Bayley to Belly plants Tamina and it’s the top rope elbow for two. Lacey comes back in with the Woman’s Right to Sasha, setting up the superkick to Bayley. Tamina hits the Samoan drop to finish Bayley at 13:54.

Rating: C-. Hey, remember all those other times where WWE tried to push Tamina and failed to understand that no one cared? This was the most recent. Normally I would say that there is no chance of her winning the title on Sunday but things have been so wacky of late that I could believe they actually go that insane route. Hopefully everything goes back to normal and Bayley retains, because no one deserves that punishment.

Here’s a tour of the WWE corporate headquarters.

Dana Brooke and Carmella are ready to win the ladder match.

The Hacker pops up to show us some clips of people getting ready for Money in the Bank. He also plays a voicemail from a woman saying that not only is it coming, but it is coming soon. The Truth Will Be Heard. This is the most elaborate hype I’ve ever seen for one of R-Truth’s songs.

Cesaro/Shinsuke Nakamura/King Corbin vs. Daniel Bryan/Drew Gulak/???

The mystery partner is…..Otis, as they spoiled about thirty minutes ago. Bryan front facelocks Corbin to start and brings it in to Gulak for a running dropkick. Cesaro comes in and gets planted with a powerslam for two. It’s off to Otis to wreck things, including a running corner splash to Nakamura. The good guys clear the ring and we take a break.

Back with Bryan flipping out of Corbin’s suplex and bringing in Gulak to slug away on Cesaro. Gulak flips out of the corner into some weird chickenwing/Crossface combination until Cesaro powers out. A clothesline puts Cesaro on the floor it’s the Gulock on Corbin until Nakamura makes the save. Otis comes in and jiggles off Cesaro’s shots to the face. Corbin sends Cesaro outside but walks into a middle rope clothesline for two. Not that it matters as Deep Six finishes Gulak at 10:49.

Rating: C+. Pretty standard six man tag without the most thrilling mystery partner after that opening segment. That being said, it’s kind of amazing that Otis of all people is someone who has grabbed the brass ring like this. He didn’t feel out of place here and that’s a cool thing to see. I can’t imagine he wins the briefcase, though I couldn’t imagine him beating Dolph Ziggler at Wrestlemania so I guess it’s possible. A very tiny bit possible, but possible I guess.

Post match the brawl is on again with Corbin setting up a ladder. A mini ladder match breaks out with everyone involved with Sunday’s match trying to climb. Corbin shoves Bryan off the ladder and onto Otis before pulling down the briefcase to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. Maybe it’s just the fact that the show was better than Raw but I enjoyed this well enough. One of the biggest problems with Raw at the moment is the lack of a reason to care about a lot of the people involved. While I don’t care for everyone involved with this show, most of them are at least somewhat established and you either know something about them or what they are trying to do. In other words, the show feels like it has had some effort put into setting everything up.

This show still isn’t great and it’s nothing that I’m going to think about by tomorrow morning, but it’s a watchable show with established storylines, characters and feuds. It’s fine enough and while it didn’t make me want to see Sunday’s show any more than I did coming in, I’ll take something like this over Raw any day. The quality might not have been as great, but it was so much easier to watch overall and that’s what matters most.

Results

Sonya Deville b. Mandy Rose – Rollup with trunks

Forgotten Sons/Miz/John Morrison b. New Day/Lucha House Party – Skull Crushing Finale to Dorado

Tamina/Lacey Evans b. Sasha Banks/Bayley – Samoan drop to Bayley

King Corbin/Shinsuke Nakamura/Cesaro b. Daniel Bryan/Drew Gulak/Otis – Deep Six to Gulak

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Main Event
Date: April 23, 2020
Location: WWE Performance Center, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Tom Phillips, MVP

It’s time for another one of these and I’m not sure what there is to think about it anymore. These empty arena shows are draining me of any reason to care and this is my least favorite time of the year. We’ll be seeing a lot of Money in the Bank build and that isn’t exactly thrilling stuff. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Asuka vs. Catalina

You may remember Catalina from her short term run on Raw. Asuka takes her into the corner for a grab of the mask and it’s time to walk around a bit. Catalina grabs the arm to send Asuka face first into the mat but Asuka is right back with an armbar. An armdrag sends Asuka outside and Catalina hits a running boot to the face.

That’s about it for Catalina though as Asuka hits her in the face on the floor and kicks her in the head back inside. An armbar and the running hip attack in the corner have Catalina in more trouble and a bulldog gets two. Catalina fights back with a clothesline but misses the twisting Swanton. A kick to the head sets up the Asuka Lock for the tap at 7:04.

Rating: C. Catalina is someone who could go somewhere with some more time and experience in the WWE style but as young as she is, she has a long time left to get there. Asuka had to sweat a bit here before the win and that’s more than you would expect from a match like this. If nothing else, it’s nice to see Catalina again as she made a small splash and then vanished.

From Smackdown.

It’s time for A Moment Of Bliss to start things off. After bragging about being two time Women’s Tag Team Champions (I completely forgot their first reign, which isn’t a good sign for titles that are fourteen months old), Nikki Cross brings out Braun Strowman. They congratulate Braun on being the new Universal Champion but bring up the fact that he is officially defending against Bray Wyatt (not the Fiend) at Money in the Bank.

Strowman knows Bray and the games he plays so Bray is going to get these hands. There’s a present on the mat though and it seems to be for Braun. Inside is….the old mask he wore as part of the Wyatt Family. Braun looks upset and we hear Bray’s laughter as a picture of Braun in the mask comes on the screen.

We see some men qualifying for Money in the Bank.

From Raw.

Money in the Bank Qualifying Match: Rey Mysterio vs. Murphy

Rey headlocks him down to start and it’s an early standoff. Murphy takes over with an armbar but has to duck an early 619 attempt. Some forearms put Rey on the floor and Murphy drives him into the barricade. Back in and Murphy stays on the arm until Rey armdrags him to the floor.

That works fine for Murphy, who catches a dive and stomps on the arm on the ramp. Back from a break with Murphy still on the arm but Rey snaps off a hurricanrana on the floor. They get back in with Rey hitting a tornado DDT and heading to the apron again. A dropkick sends Murphy into the barricade but he’s right back with a spinning facebuster onto the knee. Murphy’s brainbuster gets two so he goes up top, only to get caught with a super Destroyer. The 619 into the frog splash finishes Murphy at 15:09.

Rating: C+. That was certainly a Money in the Bank qualifying match. They did moves to each other and Mysterio made the comeback win. During those fifteen minutes, we heard references to climbing the corporate ladder roughly 284 times because someone came up with that line and WWE has decided it’s the cleverest line in history.

Humberto Carrillo vs. Shelton Benjamin

Yes again. Shelton quickly wrestles him down to start as MVP gets on Phillips for not acknowledging his great point about Shelton’s career. Back up and Carrillo sends him into the ropes, setting up some rapid fire forearms to the face. They wind up on the apron for stereo big boots and we take a break.

Back with Carrillo slipping out of a suplex and kicking away, only to get caught with a running knee in the corner. Another suplex lets Shelton chuckle a bit and we hit the chinlock. That’s broken up and Carrillo grabs a running hurricanrana. Shelton powerbombs him out of the air but is quickly small packaged for the pin at 10:41.

Rating: C-. This is threatening to become the new Main Event Special with one meeting after another. It’s a watchable enough match but it isn’t something that I need to see week after week. WWE can do a lot of things with this show and I really hope that they don’t choose to do this match so often that it becomes a running joke.

From Smackdown.

Tag Team Titles: Big E. vs. Jey Uso vs. The Miz

Miz is defending the titles on his own. The challengers waste no time in sending Miz outside before Big E. runs Jey over. Big E. talks about having a plan but the other two are back up to suplex him through the announcers’ table. We take a break and come back with Jey hitting back to back suicide dives.

The running Umaga Attacks in the corner make it worse but Big E. catches Jey with the Rock Bottom out of the corner. Miz even goes aerial with a springboard ax handle, allowing him to start the HEY HEY HO HO. Miz can’t Figure Four Jey, who kicks him into Big E. for two instead. The Skull Crushing Final gets two on Jey and now the Figure Four goes on. Big E. breaks that up with the Big Ending to Miz for the pin and the titles at 9:45.

Rating: C-. Kind of a surprising ending as we continue to have New Day as placeholder champions, though they’ve been placeholder champions for what feels like years now. Normally I would say that I hope this doesn’t lead to the Forgotten Sons winning the titles because that would almost guarantee that it does, so yeah I’ve just screwed it up all over again.

We cut to Kofi at his house for an AND NEEEEEEWWWWW for a nice smile inducing moments.

Xavier Woods throws in a bunch of plugs.

Big E. rolls around on the floor shouting EIGHT TIMES to end the show.

We look at Seth Rollins attacking Drew McIntyre.

From Raw.

Angel Garza vs. Drew McIntyre

Non-title and Vega and company are at ringside again. McIntyre goes straight for the knee to start and there’s the overhead belly to belly to send Garza rolling to the floor. Some chops against the barricade have Garza in trouble and Andrade’s posting fails. So does Garza’s suicide dive and McIntyre headbutts him, only to have to deal with Theory.

That allows Garza to hit a posting, followed by a missile dropkick for two back inside. McIntyre fights out of a half crab and kicks Garza in the face. Garza tries to escape so McIntyre PULLS OFF GARZA’S PANTS as Garza gets to the floor. The big flip dive connects and McIntyre takes out Andrade and Theory. Back in and the Claymore finishes Garza at 5:02.

Rating: C. This was an entertaining squash as McIntyre swatted Garza away like a fly. Even the rest of the team couldn’t do anything to slow him down and that’s what you should be doing with the champ. McIntyre looked awesome here and it showed how far ahead he is of Vega and company. It was a great showcase and that’s what it needed to be.

Post match McIntyre gives Garza another Claymore. Theory comes in and gets one of his own for good measure. McIntyre chases Andrade up the ramp and strikes the Tranquilo pose to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. Not much to see here as the shows they’re recapping aren’t exactly thrilling. Raw and Smackdown are now little more than below average wrestling shows with no fans. There are some nice moments involved, but it’s not like these shows would be good with fans in the first place. Couple that with more of the same matches you see so frequently on this show and it’s not a great sign.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Smackdown
Date: April 24, 2020
Location: WWE Performance Center, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves

It’s a special event, and given the subject matter it is likely to be a VERY special event. This week marks 25 years since HHH made his WWE debut and they are going all out to celebrate it. You know WWE isn’t going to have to be asked twice to do something like this so let’s get to it.

The opening video looks at HHH and promises a big celebration.

Opening sequence.

Here’s New Day to open things up with their championship celebration. Kofi tells the people to clap but Big E. points out the lack of people here. Instead Big E. says the girls are back around their waists but Kofi says we’re not getting into those details. They have more title reigns than various great teams, with Big E. saying that it’s more than Tom Brady. Big E.: “It’s a new day in Tampa!”

After Kofi is calmed down, here is Lucha House Party to say that’s impressive but they want their own shot. Cue Miz and John Morrison with Miz ranting about how New Day makes the titles look like jokes and Morrison saying New Day has never beaten them in a regular match. Gran Metalik rants in Spanish so Miz asks Morrison what he said (Miz: “You wrestled in Mexico.”).

After a debate over a translation, here are the Forgotten Sons to interrupt. They talk about representing their country while Miz just pretended to be a Marine. The three of them have a special set of skills and you never know when they’re going to strike. The fight is on and the Sons stand tall while Miz and Morrison leave. As usual, the Sons are about as interesting as the coleslaw I didn’t have earlier.

We look at HHH’s rookie year in WWE. Back in the day before his arms grew up.

Miz and Morrison are coming after the Lucha House Part tonight.

Money in the Bank Qualifying Match: King Corbin vs. Drew Gulak

Daniel Bryan is here with Gulak. Corbin throws Gulak over the top to start and gets slugged down for his efforts. A dropkick to the knee and a kick to the face put Corbin on the floor for a change. There’s a baseball slide to put Corbin into the announcers’ table, followed by a dropkick over it as we take a break.

Back with Corbin hitting a hard clothesline for two and a belly to back drop is good for the same. Corbin’s chokeslam is countered into a sunset flip for another two so Corbin bails to the floor. That’s fine with Gulak, who dragon screw legwhips him into the steps. A top rope clothesline gives Gulak two more but here are Shinsuke Nakamura and Cesaro to go after Bryan. Gulak makes the save but gets posted by Corbin, setting up End of Days for the pin at 9:36.

Rating: C. Nice match here with Gulak getting to show off and Corbin getting to do what he does best. Corbin is fine at something like this where he gets to be a bully and beat people up while Gulak was a nice underdog out there. As long as Corbin doesn’t actually win the briefcase, I can more than live with this.

Post match Cesaro and Nakamura hold Gulak so Corbin can hit him with the scepter.

The announcers talk about Rob Gronkowski rejoining the NFL. Don’t worry: he WILL be defending the 24/7 Title. Getting him out of WWE is going to be more effort than he put into being in WWE.

We look at Kofi Kingston backdropping Seth Rollins onto the bridged ladder at Money in the Bank 2014.

Sheamus vs. Daniel Vidot

The not too bright Vidot charges at him and gets forearmed down over and over. The Brogue Kick finishes Vidot at 55 seconds.

We get the third part of the Jeff Hardy video. His daughters turned him around and he never wants them to see him like that. He named his daughter after his mother and we see a shot of him standing at his mother’s grave. We see the Hardys’ awesome return at Wrestlemania XXXIII and how happy Jeff was with everything. Part four next week.

From 1998: DX Invades WCW.

Miz/John Morrison vs. Lucha House Party

Dorado chops Miz to start and gets knocked down with a single shop. Miz turns him inside out off another chop and it’s off to Morrison for a right hand into a slingshot elbow. A running knee to the face drops Dorado again and Miz gets in some left hands. Miz’s kick to the head sets up Morrison’s running shooting star press for two.

Dorado hits a springboard Stunner to drop Morrison and it’s off to Metalik….who gets kicked in the face by Miz. It doesn’t seem to matter though as he kicks Miz right back, only to have his moonsault hit raised boots. The Skull Crushing Finale is loaded up but Metalik reverses into a rollup for the pin at 7:56.

Rating: D+. This wasn’t much but I can go with the idea of getting more teams into the tag scene. New Day and the Usos have been around for so long now that they have to add in something else eventually. The House Party has been around for a long time now and they can look flashy in the ring so why not freshen things up a bit?

Money in the Bank Qualifying Match: Lacey Evans vs. Sasha Banks

Bayley is here too. Banks knocks her to the floor to start and hits a forearm for an early two, followed by some double knees to the arm for the same. The arm is wrapped around the rope but Lacey pops out of the corner with a running clothesline. The slingshot Bronco Buster doesn’t work as the arm gives out though and Sasha posts the arm hard.

Banks’ Meteora gives her two but Evans sends her into the middle buckle. Evans sends her face first into the post over and over, but Banks is still fine enough to kick her in the arm. The Banks Statement is broken up and the Woman’s Right gets two as Bayley puts the foot on the rope. There’s a rollup to Evans but the referee is with Bayley so there’s no count. Another Woman’s Right gives Evans the pin at 5:32.

Rating: C-. Work on the arm the whole match, Evans uses the arm finisher twice anyway. The psychology made sense here until the finish as they would have been a lot better off by having Lacey roll her up or do something else. Evans going on to the ladder match makes sense though as they certainly like the idea of pushing her, even if it hasn’t worked so well so far.

Post match Tamina comes out and superkicks Bayley. Speaking of people they want to push who haven’t worked out.

We get a long video on the history between Braun Strowman and Bray Wyatt. Bray had introduced Strowman as part of the Wyatt Family, with Strowman called the Black Sheep. Then Strowman was off on his own and eventually became the Universal Champion five years later. Strowman wanted to forget his time with the Wyatt Family but Bray, now with the Firefly Fun House, wanted the title. They’re fight at Money in the Bank. There isn’t much of a history here as the whole thing can be summed up as “Strowman was in the Wyatt Family. End of story.”.

Carmella is warming up when Dana Brooke pops in to rib her about having a Money in the Bank qualifying match next week. They can win everything though. It’s a good thing they’ve had…..maybe one conversation before this to set up their team?

We look at HHH’s quad tear in 2001 and crazy loud reaction in 2002.

Women’s Tag Team Titles: Alexa Bliss/Nikki Cross vs. Carmella/Dana Brooke

Carmella and Brooke are challenging. It’s a brawl to start with everyone heading to the floor and Brooke being the only one left standing as we take a break. Back with Carmella cleaning house and Cross having to make a quick save. Cross comes in but Carmella slips out of the Purge. That just earns her an elevated Downward Spiral (3D into a Downward Spiral) to retain the titles at 6:16. This was nothing given the break included.

Here’s HHH for his big celebration and they’ve got a LONG time for this. HHH talks about how hard it is to believe that it’s been twenty five years….and here’s Shawn Michaels to interrupt. Shawn talks about how awesome this is and he has two words for you: “Social distancing buddy! Don’t touch!”. He’s sent out hundreds of invitations to HHH’s friends and family and they’re all here.

After we look at the empty arena, Shawn talks about how they’ve been friends for the entire twenty five years. He has some nice memories of his own twenty fifth anniversary celebration on Smackdown and HHH can’t even pick his favorite moment from that night. HHH can’t believe Shawn didn’t have his own celebration and promises heads will roll when he gets back into the office. Anyway, Shawn talks about how much money they were when they were in DX (ignore the fact that Shawn and HHH’s DX didn’t beat Nitro once of course) and we get get a blooper reel of DX moments. HHH: “Almost in one take.”

Shawn says his Wrestlemania career pales in comparison to what HHH did at Wrestlemania and we see a look at HHH’s Wrestlemania losses. Shawn: “You weren’t that good.” HHH: “How many losses did you have at Wrestlemania?” Shawn: “This isn’t about me.” After some more platitudes, Shawn gets to Stephanie No Fun, who calls HHH. Stephanie: “I’m watching your twenty fifth anniversary celebration.”

After more talking in a way NO ONE WOULD EVER USE IN REAL LIFE, Stephanie says to tell that lazy eyed….and the call ends. Shawn brings up Ric Flair, who calls in as well to praise HHH and his family. Flair: “Don’t let Shawn superkick you at the end of the segment.” Flair starts to cry to end the call, calls back, and cries some more as we take a break.

Back with Road Dogg on the phone saying HHH got a haircut but needs a bigger one. He finds out that he’s on live TV and gets out in a hurry. Shawn says they need to wrap this up but HHH says he called the bosses at Fox and says they can have all night. Shawn: “Good. We haven’t even gotten to the Katie Vick segment yet.” With that mind blowing line out of the way, here’s Vince McMahon himself for a big moment.

Vince goes into a story about seeing HHH wrestle for the first time. It was like the buildup to the egg hatching at Survivor Series 1990 and then it was such a big disaster. Vince then explains the Katie Vick story (without every detail of course) and the Bayley: This Is Your Life segment, which wasn’t a good idea but it wasn’t Bayley’s fault (Vince’s words).

Anyway, Vince loves him but this was a horrible way to go out. As HHH would say, it was ROTTEN. Vince: “If you haven’t put everybody to sleep by now, I’ll say goodnight.” The lights go out to end the show and some crickets chirp. Shawn: “Story of your career buddy. Story of your career.” This was a lot more lighthearted than I was expecting and there were some funny lines, but other than HHH and WWE, was anyone asking to see this for twenty minutes?

Overall Rating: C-. It wasn’t a terrible show but it wasn’t exactly thrilling, with HHH’s deal taking up the whole ending for a few chuckle worthy lines. We’re very firmly in the middle of Money in the Bank season though, with a bunch of midcard matches between people who aren’t going to go anywhere after their token appearance in the ladder match. I’m rather pleased with the idea of getting this out of the way, but that means having the briefcases around and that always makes my head hut. Not a terrible show, but nothing worth seeing save for maybe the ending segment.

Results

King Corbin b. Drew Gulak – End of Days

Sheamus b. Daniel Vidot – Brogue Kick

Lucha House Party b. Miz/John Morrison – Rollup to Miz

Lacey Evans b. Sasha Banks – Woman’s Right

Alexa Bliss/Nikki Cross b. Carmella/Dana Brooke – Elevated Downward Spiral to Cross

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Smackdown
Date: April 17, 2020
Location: WWE Performance Center, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves

It’s time to move forwards towards Money in the Bank and this time around we are finding out who else is going to be involved in the women’s match, plus the first man involved. I’m not sure how much steam these empty arena shows have left but they’re all we’re getting at the moment. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Cole runs down the card.

It’s time for A Moment Of Bliss to start things off. After bragging about being two time Women’s Tag Team Champions (I completely forgot their first reign, which isn’t a good sign for titles that are fourteen months old), Nikki Cross brings out Braun Strowman. They congratulate Braun on being the new Universal Champion but bring up the fact that he is officially defending against Bray Wyatt (not the Fiend) at Money in the Bank.

Strowman knows Bray and the games he plays so Bray is going to get these hands. There’s a present on the mat though and it seems to be for Braun. Inside is….the old mask he wore as part of the Wyatt Family. Braun looks upset and we hear Bray’s laughter as a picture of Braun in the mask comes on the screen.

Post break, Cole and Graves explain what we just saw.

Sasha Banks vs. Tamina

If Tamina wins, she gets a Women’s Title match at Money in the Bank and Bayley is on commentary. Sasha throws her a shirt to start but Tamina says it’s not the right size. The shirt is thrown at Bayley and Banks’ rollup completely fails. A headbutt sends Banks to the floor and we take a break.

Back with Sasha hammering away and bending the back of Tamina’s neck around the rope. The chinlock goes on but Tamina fights up with something like a Rock Bottom to send Sasha outside. Bayley offers a distraction so Sasha can get in a posting, a 619 on the apron and a ram into the steps. Bayley loads up a cheap shot but here’s Lacey Evans to cut her off. Tamina hits a superkick and hits a second inside for the pin and the title shot at 8:34.

Rating: D+. So yeah we have the next Jinder Mahal here, as Tamina has never done anything of note (until she won a triple threat match a few weeks ago, she hadn’t won a match in over a year) but now she wins a match or two and we’re supposed to forget about how unimportant and nothing she has been for years. It’s bad storytelling, it’s illogical, it’s annoying to the fans who watch every week and WWE is going to keep doing it over and over because they don’t know how long term storytelling and character building works anymore.

Jey Usos is ready for the triple threat and shouts a lot.

Post break Lacey says wherever Sasha goes, she goes. She’s a Marine, and isn’t stopping until the mission is accomplished. That would be no more Sasha, which is written on the back of her hand.

Sheamus vs. Denzel DeJournette

Sheamus shrugs off a takedown attempt and elbows/knees away at the head. The Brogue kick finishes at 1:03.

Post match Cole starts introducing a video on Jeff Hardy but Sheamus interrupts and asks what is Cole’s malfunction. That’s too much disrespect to Sheamus, fella.

We get the second part of the Jeff Hardy video, which features a bunch of dives that banged Hardy up. It resulted in his addiction issues and caused his career to start spiraling down. Then he left in 2009 (the World Title reigns aren’t mentioned) and we see some videos of him high and drunk, which are still hard to watch. This led to a lot of his legal problems and Jeff knows that he has a lot to make up for. Part three next week.

Carmella comes up to Dana Brooke and isn’t happy that Dana isn’t focused on their Tag Team Title match next week. Dana explains the Money in the Bank idea and says she can do both. Carmella isn’t convinced, just like I’m not convinced that any WWE writer has ever had a conversation with a human if this is supposed to sound authentic.

Commentary talks about the Money in the Bank ladder matches….which will take place at WWE Corporate headquarters with the briefcases ON THE ROOF OF TITAN TOWERS! Well that’s a new one!

Money In The Bank Qualifying Match: Naomi vs. Dana Brooke

Naomi’s helmet is back and at least it covers up that ridiculous looking hair. Naomi kicks her down for two to start but gets thrown outside. Back in and Dana grabs a bodyscissors, allowing her to talk a lot of extra audible trash. That’s broken up so Naomi kicks her in the head a few times, followed by a springboard kick to the face for two. A powerbomb gives Dana the same but the Rear View connects for two more. Naomi is SHOCKED that it didn’t work, making me roll my eyes a good bit. The split legged moonsault misses though and Brooke gets a rollup pin at 4:10.

Rating: D+. I still like Brooke more than most but it’s in the same vein as Tamina: she has barely won anything and yet we’re supposed to take her as a threat. Even if there’s a huge upset and she wins the ladder match and title, it’s still way too much to buy her as a top star. Wins and losses matter if you watch regularly and while this isn’t as bad as Tamina getting a title shot, I’m still not buying it.

During the post match replays, Corey says Dana is the first person to kick out of the Rear View. Normally I’d have to look it up but I’m just refusing to believe that’s true.

Long recap of Otis/Mandy Rose and the Sonya Deville/Dolph Ziggler plan to stop them.

Here’s a very upset Sonya Deville to beg Mandy’s forgiveness. They’ve been friends forever and for the first time in forever, Mandy isn’t here. Sonya has wanted to tell her something but here’s Mandy in person to cut her off. Fighting back tears, Sonya says….that Mandy is the most selfish human being she has ever met. As soon as Mandy became interested in Otis, she was ready to kick Sonya to the curb.

Mandy doesn’t get it but Sonya says that Fire & Desire was always about Mandy instead of them. They came out to her music and talked about Mandy’s magazine covers. If Mandy could have focused on the team, everything would be fine. Dolph actually cares about Mandy but she ignored him too. Sonya accepted Dolph’s help because he helped the team but then Mandy had to ruin everything.

Now all Sonya wants to do is see Mandy hurt. Mandy might be pretty but she’s a dime a dozen blonde who was built in a lab. Sonya worked forever to be second to a talentless piece of eye candy. Now Sonya is going to ruin her life because she isn’t going to deal with some centerfold Barbie b****. Cue Ziggler to say he’s made a mistake but they had a great Valentines Day. Mandy slaps his hand away and Sonya jumps her, freaking Dolph out. Otis runs in for the save and house is cleaned, likely setting up a mixed tag. Well done on throwing in a bit of a surprise instead of Sonya declaring her love for Mandy.

We get the tribute video to Howard Finkel. That voice is never going to be topped and it’s very rare to see someone who clearly loved wrestling like he did. We get a lot NEEEEWWWW’s and a look at his comedy stuff, which really did work for him.

Miz thinks it is an injustice that he has to defend the Tag Team Titles in another three person triple threat match after John Morrison already did it at Wrestlemania. I’d call it more of a bad idea than an injustice.

Video on the Forgotten Sons.

Money in the Bank Qualifying Match: Cesaro vs. Daniel Bryan

Shinsuke Nakamura and Drew Gulak are the seconds. Cesaro shows off a bit by jumping up to touch the briefcase above the ring. Bryan wastes no time in knocking Cesaro to the floor for a suicide dive….and here’s the masked guy on the screen to show us more hidden video. He says some keep their friends close and others keep their enemies closer. There is no video shown though and we take a break.

Back with Bryan working on an armbar and then grabbing a cross armbreaker. Cesaro muscles him up with a powerbomb to escape and a slam gets two on Bryan. He heads to the apron but manages to snap Cesaro’s arm across the top rope. A dive off the top is countered into a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker though and Cesaro grabs the Sharpshooter. Bryan gets to the rope and goes outside, setting up the running uppercut against the barricade.

Back from another break with Bryan hitting the YES Kicks for two but Cesaro hits a gorilla press knee to the face. The Crossface goes on, only to be reversed into most of the YES Lock. Cesaro clotheslines the heck out of him and unloads with uppercuts in the corner. Bryan’s moonsault out of the corner is caught but Bryan pulls him down into the YES Lock. Nakamura’s interference is cut off by Gulak and Cesaro taps at 14:24.

Rating: B. This is a lot closer to the match that you would have wanted to see from these two as they were given time and allowed to work to their strengths. It helps when you spend a good chunk of your careers wrestling in front of very few people. They know how to do something else and that makes for a better performance like this. Well that and the two of them being Cesaro and Bryan.

Big E. is ready to win the Tag Team Titles on his own. This morning, he slid out of the triple bunk bed and told Kofi and Woods to eat popcorn in the La-Z-Boys because it’s time to become eight time champions.

King Corbin jumps Elias in the back and crushes his hand between two anvil cases. Corbin drags him away. Post break, Corbin steps on Elias’ hand and tells him to sing before hitting him in the throat with a baton. That looks to be it but Corbin breaks the guitar over his back for a bonus. Now this is more like it for Corbin, FAR away from the main event scene and beating up midcarders. I can go for this far more.

Tag Team Titles: Big E. vs. Jey Uso vs. The Miz

Miz is defending the titles on his own. The challengers waste no time in sending Miz outside before Big E. runs Jey over. Big E. talks about having a plan but the other two are back up to suplex him through the announcers’ table. We take a break and come back with Jey hitting back to back suicide dives.

The running Umaga Attacks in the corner make it worse but Big E. catches Jey with the Rock Bottom out of the corner. Miz even goes aerial with a springboard ax handle, allowing him to start the HEY HEY HO HO. Miz can’t Figure Four Jey, who kicks him into Big E. for two instead. The Skull Crushing Final gets two on Jey and now the Figure Four goes on. Big E. breaks that up with the Big Ending to Miz for the pin and the titles at 9:45.

Rating: C-. Kind of a surprising ending as we continue to have New Day as placeholder champions, though they’ve been placeholder champions for what feels like years now. Normally I would say that I hope this doesn’t lead to the Forgotten Sons winning the titles because that would almost guarantee that it does, so yeah I’ve just screwed it up all over again.

We cut to Kofi at his house for an AND NEEEEEEWWWWW for a nice smile inducing moments.

Xavier Woods throws in a bunch of plugs.

Big E. rolls around on the floor shouting EIGHT TIMES to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. This was ok enough as they’ve managed to make these shows feel like any regular Smackdown. That sounds good in theory, but then you remember that a regular Smackdown isn’t much of a show, much like this one wasn’t. It was a decent enough watch with angle advancement and some good wrestling, but it’s nothing overly memorable. I actually liked that mixed tag angle in the middle as much as anything else, as it was well delivered and the motivations make sense. The match will probably be junk, but points for the setup. Not a great show by any means, but watchable enough for Smackdown.

Results

Tamina b. Sasha Banks – Superkick

Sheamus b. Denzel DeJournette – Brogue Kick

Dana Brooke b. Naomi – Sunset flip

Daniel Bryan b. Cesaro – YES Lock

Big E. b. Jey Uso and Miz – Big Ending to Miz

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Three out of six ain’t bad?

So here we have a scheduling issue as the match is already going to be changed to something else, but since I’m putting this together early, the best I can do is go off of spoilers. The word on the street is that the triple threat tag team ladder match turns into a triple threat singles ladder match for the titles. The good thing is that doesn’t change my pick.

The champs retain here because that’s one of WWE’s favorite booking tropes: have the champs lost over and over and over but hey they win in the title match so everything else is forgotten. At the same time, the Usos and New Day have been champions so many times already and neither of them need the belts again. Let Miz and Morrison win, and then have them win a few more times on top of that so they can look like champions for a bit.

Smackdown
Date: April 3, 2020
Location: WWE Performance Center, Orlando, Florida
Commentator: Michael Cole

While it might not feel like it, this is the go home show for Wrestlemania. The show is again taped, and maybe now that we are only twenty two hours away from the start of the show, we can get some kind of information about the changed World Title match. I mean it’s not like it’s that important or anything. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

There are ladders around the arena and it’s time for MizTV, but here are the Usos instead. They aren’t waiting to be invited out here because it’s time for them to win the Tag Team Titles at Wrestlemania. Cue the New Day to say not so fast because it’s time for them to enter the annals (Big E: “Hehe annals.”) of history by winning the titles again. The fight is about to start but here are Miz and Morrison to interrupt.

Miz talks about how New Day and the Usos will destroy each other, allowing he and Morrison to retain. They climb the ladders and say BE JEALOUS but New Day and the Usos run up the ramp so the brawl can be on in a hurry. The ladders are knocked over and, just as Miz said, New Day and the Usos beat each other up, allowing the champs to pose.

Naomi vs. Lacey Evans vs. Tamina

Sasha Banks and Bayley are on commentary. Tamina cleans house to start and we take a very early break. Back with Tamina getting one on Naomi but Lacey comes back in to take over. The slingshot Bronco Buster connects as Sasha and Bayley no sell questions about turning on each other at Wrestlemania. Sasha gets up and sends Lacey into the steps, leaving Naomi to sunset flip Tamina for two. A Samoan drop gives Tamina two so Bayley offers a quick distraction, allowing Tamina to superkick Naomi for the pin at 8:24.

Rating: D+. This was your “hey Tamina really could win” match, followed by everyone collectively laughing. She’s in the match to get it up to a higher number, though I’m still not entirely sure why she’s on the roster. Nothing to see here of course, but at least they got the Tamina stuff out of their system tonight.

Post match Bayley tries to make amends with Tamina and gets superkicked. Sasha tries the same and gets Samoan dropped.

Tucker is warming up when the circle of lights pops up. This time the words “THE TRUTH WILL BE TOLD” flashes up on screen.

From Wrestlemania XXIV:

Ric Flair vs. Shawn Michaels

Flair has the blue robe one more time and while I’m still a fan of the black and white one, I can’t help but smile at seeing the classic look again. Shawn shoulders him down to start and it’s clear that they’re going to have all the time they want here. They trade some hammerlocks with Shawn getting the better of it on the mat. That’s broken up as well and we get the first WOO.

The chops in the corner let Flair yell about Old Yeller but Shawn slaps him in the face and asks if that’s all he has. An exchange of chops in the corner goes to Flair (as it should) but Shawn elbows him in the jaw and goes up. This time Flair slams him off the top and goes up…..for a crossbody into a near fall! You would think that would get more of a reaction but he has to fail at an early Figure Four attempt.

Shawn kicks him to the floor and tries an Asai moonsault, which only hits the announcers’ table, with his ribs landing on the edge which doesn’t break (I’ve seen that many times and it draws a very real cringe). That’s only good for a nine count and Shawn can barely move because of the ribs. A belly to back suplex gives Flair two and he manages a delayed vertical for the same. Note: Charles Robinson (Little Naitch) is referee here and for some reason he’s in a Smackdown shirt. Yeah he’s a Smackdown referee, but you can’t just throw him in a Raw shirt for the occasion?

Flair’s neckbreaker gets two more but Shawn sends him outside. That means a moonsault to the floor which takes Flair out and bangs up the ribs even more. They chop it out back inside and it’s Shawn’s forearm into the nipup as the pace picks up a bit. A slam drops Flair and Shawn’s top rope elbow connects, meaning it’s time to Tune of the Band. Shawn can’t bring himself to do it though and Flair grabs the legs and slaps on the Figure Four in the middle of the ring.

The hold is turned over and they load up the bridge into the backslide….but Flair just can’t do it anymore so they go into a rollup instead. It’s time for the chop block and NOW the Figure Four is on for real. Shawn crawls to the rope so Flair stomps away some more until the referee drags him away. That’s enough of a delay for Shawn to hit Sweet Chin Music for a very close two and the fans go nuts on the kickout.

Shawn loads it up again but stops to tell Flair to get up. That means a low blow (again, you knew he was getting that in somehow) for two more and the fans really bought the near fall. To mix things up a bit, Shawn sweeps the legs and tries a reverse Figure Four (thank goodness it wasn’t a Sharpshooter) to send Flair bailing to the ropes this time.

A rollup with tights gets two and they chop it out from their knees. The chops bring them to their feet and Shawn hits another superkick to put Flair down. There’s no cover though as Shawn goes into the corner and Flair slowly gets up. Shawn says the now legendary I’m Sorry, I Love You and superkicks Flair one more time, this time for the pin at 20:34.

Rating: B+. I don’t remember truly liking this one before and that’s because there are different ways to look at it. It’s hard not to look at a match like this through the emotional lens but if you take that away (which you kind of have to given that Flair wound up wrestling again), it’s actually a heck of a match with all of the old Flair tropes thrown in. Those worked for so long because it’s a great formula that can work against anyone. When you add in Shawn’s second to none abilities, there was no way this wouldn’t be outstanding.

The problem though is that Flair just can’t do a lot of this stuff anymore. He’s trying as hard as he can and what he could still do was good, but seeing him not be able to bridge up anymore was rather sad because it’s something he’s done for so many years before. I don’t remember liking this match that much but it really is a strong one, even ignoring all the other things added to it.

Post match Shawn leaves the ring and a crying Flair gets to his feet for one of the best standing ovations you’ll ever see. This is more than deserved and while he should have retired a long time ago (you could argue all the way back in the 90s), he was far from embarrassing himself and someone as influential, successful and downright talented as he was should absolutely get this kind of a sendoff. And for those who are wondering why, this was originally going to close the show but Flair refused and insisted it go in the middle.

We look back at Elias being attacked last week.

Goldberg is now defending against Braun Strowman. No reason is given and the match is just changed.

Otis tells Tucker to leave him a little piece of Dolph Ziggler. Tucker says he ran into Mandy Rose earlier and she asked about him. Otis gets a text and is rather happy before running off.

Tucker vs. Dolph Ziggler

No Otis this time. Tucker runs him over to start and the fight is on in a hurry, including some kicks to Ziggler’s ribs. A quick shot puts Tucker down for the jumping elbow but he’s right back up with a big boot. Ziggler’s DDT out of the corner puts them both down and we take a break. Back with Tucker slugging away and knocking Ziggler outside. That means a ram into the barricade and a side slam gets two back inside. They head outside again and this time it’s a Zig Zag onto the steps for the DQ at 9:17.

Rating: D+. This is the latest part of your soap opera story around here and that’s not the best thing in the world. Otis vs. Ziggler could be entertaining but at the same time, it’s not the kind of match that I need to see at WrestleMania. Ziggler probably could have won here and then taken Tucker out but it could have been a lot worse.

Post match Ziggler loads up the steps but Mandy Rose and Sonya Deville appear to break it up with Otis making the real save. The Truth Will Be Heard appears again and this time we go to a control room. Someone whose face we can’t see says he told us the truth will be heard. He plays a video from Valentine’s Day showing Mandy talking to Sonya.

After Mandy leaves to do something, Sonya picks up Mandy’s phone and sends Otis a text, saying she’ll be late. We see Otis saying that sounds great and Sonya deletes both messages. Sonya then talks to Ziggler, saying both of them will get what they want. Back in the arena, Mandy walks away from Sonya. Otis chases Dolph out as well. Eh GTV could be fun back in the day so this should work.

Post break, Mandy won’t talk to Sonya.

Daniel Bryan vs. Shinsuke Nakamura

Cesaro and Drew Gulak are at ringside while Sami Zayn is on commentary. They fight over arm control to start until Bryan dropkicks him to the floor the running baseball slide sets up Bryan’s running knee from the apron and Nakamura is down. Back in and Bryan hits a running dropkick in the corner, only to get knocked off the middle rope. Nakamura’s middle rope knee to the chest gets two and the sliding German suplex in the corner takes us to a break.

Back with Bryan still in trouble as Nakamura kicks away at the chest. Bryan kicks away and goes for the arm, followed by even more kicks to stagger Nakamura again. The YES Lock is countered and Nakamura pulls him into a blocked cross armbreaker. That’s reverses into another armbreaker from Bryan (Sami: “HOW DID HE DO THAT???”) which is switched into the LeBell Lock. Cesaro runs in for the DQ at 11:39.

Rating: C+. This was the first match all night that felt like something worth watching. Bryan and Nakamura are a great pairing and can have a solid match against each other, which is what we got here. They had some time and while Bryan getting the tap out would have been a bit better, this was the best match of the night by a mile.

Video on the Fiend vs. John Cena.

Here’s Cena for the big closing segment. Cena thanks the fans for getting us here and now we are less than one day until Wrestlemania. The thing is, no one knows what is going to happen, including Bray Wyatt himself. See, no one, including Bray, will tell him what a Firefly Fun House match is. Fear can lead to panic and panic can lead to collapse. The Fiend feeds on fear and panic and here we are. Cena will not be afraid and the poor man’s Mr. Rogers isn’t scaring him.

Goldberg has shown how to beat the Fiend and now the Fiend has made this happen. Cena promises a beating but here are the Firefly Fun House characters, saying that after Fiend is done with Cena, he’ll play with them forever. They say forever over and over again until Ramblin Rabbit says he’s here. The lights go out and the Fiend appears in the crow’s nest. Bray himself pops up behind Cena to say let him in. The lights go out again and Cena is alone to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. This didn’t add much to Wrestlemania but then again it’s not like this is the kind of show that really needs to. Not this year at least, as nothing else makes sense this time around. The announcement of Strowman replacing Reigns was laughably bad as there was no build or explanation, but other than that we had some perfectly fine building for the matches. I don’t really want to see anything more than I did coming in though and the wrestling was mostly weak, but it could have been a lot worse.

Results

Tamina b. Lacey Evans and Naomi – Superkick to Naomi

Tucker b. Dolph Ziggler via DQ when Ziggler slammed Tucker into the steps

Daniel Bryan b. Shinsuke Nakamura via DQ when Cesaro interfered

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Wrestlemania XXVII
Date: April 3, 2011
Location: Georgia Dome, Atlanta, Georgia
Attendance: 71,617
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, Josh Matthews

There’s a bit more to the main event than Rock just returning. The night he returned, he cut a long promo about how things had changed, including John Cena being the top star in the company. There is real tension between the two of them and people are expecting it to boil over soon. Let’s get to it.

Pre-Show: US Title: Sheamus vs. Daniel Bryan

Bryan (I think you know him) is challenging and it’s almost strange to see him with short hair and clean shaven. Daniel moonsaults over the champ to start before the yet to be named YES kicks send Sheamus outside. That’s not cool with Mark Henry as he throws Sheamus back inside for more kicks from Daniel. Sheamus grabs a quick tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for two but the High Cross is broken up. The champ is sent to the floor where he gets in a fight with the lumberjacks, triggering a huge brawl to throw the match out at 4:19.

Rating: D+. These two would later get to show that they have good chemistry but the four minute clock here didn’t give them time to go anywhere. It doesn’t help that the match was designed to set up something else instead of having a definitive ending. We’re not done with these two though.

Smackdown General Manager Teddy Long comes out to say let’s have a battle royal.

Pre-Show: Battle Royal

R-Truth, Great Khali, David Hart-Smith, Mark Henry, Johnny Curtis, Evan Bourne, Trent Barretta, Chris Masters, JTG, Yoshi Tatsu, Chavo Guerrero, Ted DiBiase, Tyler Reks, William Regal, Drew McIntyre, Curt Hawkins, Tyson Kidd, Primo, Zack Ryder, Jimmy Uso, Jey Uso, Daniel Bryan, Sheamus

Curtis is a generic guy who would later be known as Fandango and I think you know the Usos. Khali throws out Reks and Hawkins in the first twenty seconds and Henry tosses Tatsu a few seconds later. The match slows down a lot and everyone brawls with everyone with no one getting close to an elimination. Jimmy Uso is hanging onto the ropes and pulls them down to eliminate Truth.

Henry dumps both Usos a few seconds later and a big group of people gets rid of Mark. Primo and Ryder go out in quick succession and Drew has to last on the apron. Chavo tries to knock McIntyre out but gets backdropped to the floor and Khali knocks out Hart-Smith. JTG is dumb enough to go up top and gets chopped out by Khali. Bryan throws Kidd out and McIntyre eliminates Trent.

Curtis tries to fight Regal, Sheamus and McIntyre at the same time for reasons that aren’t clear, earning himself an elimination. Masters chops at Drew but gets sent to the apron where he tries the Masterlock. Oh come on dude you’re smarter than that. Drew goes down and Evan tries Air Bourne, only to have Sheamus throw Evan down after the crash. DiBiase eliminates Regal and Drew kicks Ted in the face for an elimination. Bryan dumps McIntyre but gets pulled to the apron by Sheamus who kicks Bryan to the floor. Khali and Sheamus are the last two in and a clothesline gives Khali the win at 8:29.

Rating: D. This is becoming the standard operating procedure for these matches and again, it’s hard to really complain when it’s a relatively short battle royal just there as a DVD bonus. Khali winning is fine as he hadn’t done anything for years at this point so throw him a bone to make a victory over him mean a little bit more.

Keri Hilson sings America the Beautiful.

The set is a big sign saying WRESTLEMANIA and a big arch over the stage. It’s a simpler design but it works quite well.

The cylinder from last year has been replaced by an even bigger cube.

We don’t go straight to the opening video as a voiceover which sounds like a daytime game show host or a late night talk show announcer introduces “a supernova of entertainment” named The Rock. It’s pretty safe to say that Rock is still incredibly over as the fans practically worship at his feet.

Rock walks around a bit before hitting the FINALLY line about Atlanta and Wrestlemania. He wants to know if we can feel, taste and smell the electricity. I don’t think you can taste electricity but if you try you’ll certainly feel something. It’s time to do something special and have some fun. Therefore, when Rock says wrestle, the fans will say mania. After that wastes some time, Rock wants to talk about someone who is deciding which Fruity Pebbles shirt to put on tonight (if that line makes no sense, Rock had said Cena looked like a great big bowl of Fruity Pebbles because of all his shirts).

The fans chant CENA SUCKS and then switch to FRUITY PEBBLES. Rock stops for some of the People’s Water (his words) before saying yabba, which means he wants the people to say dabba. He rhymes a bit with his catchphrases (“Always defiant and standing taller than Andre the Giant!”) and says this is bigger than Christmas (“Sorry Santa but the Rock is bringing it all over Atlanta!”) before having the people join him for IF YA SMELL to wrap up this ten minute monologue, which really wasn’t funny.

The opening video is the standard operating procedure: talking about the history of the event with the major highlight clips before an assortment of stuff on the major matches. This still works so why mess with it?

Cole: “This is the fabric of Americana!” Cole, in his own plastic box, is one of the top heels in the company and is already arguing with Lawler, who he’ll be facing tonight in Lawler’s first ever Wrestlemania match.

Smackdown World Title: Alberto Del Rio vs. Edge

Alberto (who won the 2011 Royal Rumble to earn this shot) is challenging and comes out in a Rolls Royce (he was a car guy, to put it mildly) with his personal ring announcer Ricardo Rodriguez doing his introduction. Del Rio also has Brodus Clay as his bodyguard so Edge brings out Christian as backup. Feeling out process to start until Edge gets shoved into the corner but he comes out with a slap to the face.

The champ gets stomped down in the corner and they head outside with Del Rio sending Edge and his bad arm into the barricade. Back in and we hit an armbar as Del Rio starts getting ready for his cross armbreaker. The bad arm is wrapped around the middle rope as you can’t argue with Del Rio’s psychology so far. Edge avoids a charge to send Alberto outside and follows with a big over the top flip dive.

Back in and Edge heads up top, only to get armdragged back down to the mat in a big crash. A big boot and flapjack get two for the champ but a Codebreaker to the arm looks to set up the armbreaker. Edge counters into the Edge-O-Matic for two but Del Rio grabs the armbreaker a few seconds later, only to have Edge roll his feet into the ropes. Del Rio follows up with a running enziguri but Edge gets his foot on the ropes again. Rodriguez tries to break it up, triggering a brawl between Christian and Brodus.

The Edgecution (impaler DDT) looks to set up the spear but Del Rio sidesteps it and Del Rio pulls the arm into the post. Now the armbreaker goes on in the middle of the ring until Edge rolls onto him for a cover, forcing Del Rio to break it up. There’s the Edgecator (a variation on the Sharpshooter) as Christian takes Brodus out. Del Rio escapes but walks into the spear (with the bad arm to no pain from Edge) to retain Edge’s title at 11:09.

Rating: C+. Good enough match but Edge not selling the arm really hurt things. If he’s not going to sell it, why waste our time watching Del Rio try to get the submission? That’s the major problem with a heel using a submission hold: almost no top face ever taps out so the finisher isn’t all that effective.

Now for the interesting part: this would be Edge’s last match due to another neck injury and the title would be vacated. If he was leaving less than a month later, why not drop the title here and put Del Rio over as a career killer? That’s never set well with me, but it did at least give us a good moment for Edge’s last win.

Post match Edge and Christian destroy Del Rio’s car. I’m sure there will be rapid legal ramifications for their actions of course. Then again, if Matt Hardy doesn’t get arrested for burning down Jeff’s house, this is pretty tame. Also you would think Del Rio would go up there to save his car or at least try to but the crowbars Edge and Christian are holding might have something to do with it.

Tough Enough ad.

Cole brags about his Slammys and promises to win tonight.

Cody Rhodes vs. Rey Mysterio

This was an interesting story as Cody had been a narcissistic man who believed he was the best looking person on the roster. Then Mysterio hurt Cody’s face with the 619, forcing Cody to undergo facial reconstruction surgery. Cody returned and wore a mask to hide the horrible surgery scars. Then the mask came off to reveal that Cody looked fine but he still swore the scars were there. He kept wearing the mask and looked like Dr. Doom for a really interesting psychological character which should have taken him up the card.

Mysterio is Captain America this year and he starts hammering Cody’s ribs as Cody is still in the hard mask. Cody headbutts him down and goes for Rey’s knee brace, followed by the Disaster Kick (springboard kick to the face) for two. We hit a one arm camel clutch followed by an Alabama Slam for two more.

Cody slaps on a nerve hold as Cole continues to rip on Rey for not doing enough to make up for the injury. A delayed superplex (that’s a rare sight) drops Rey for two but he gets out of Cross Rhodes (a rolling cutter) and sends Cody to the floor. Rey sends him into the apron with a headscissors but dives into a wheelbarrow suplex for two. The 619 is broken up (Cole is thrilled) and Cody gets the knee brace off.

Rey gets two more off a moonsault press but Cody loses his mask. The 619 to the exposed face sets up the top rope splash but Rey puts the brakes on when Cody raises his knees. Rey puts Cody’s mask on for some headbutts, sending Cole into hysterics. The fans chant for Cody as the referee gets rid of the mask, leaving Cody to hit Rey in the head with the brace. Cross Rhodes finishes Rey at 12:01.

Rating: B. This was a lot better than I was expecting, even if you ignore Cole’s incessant heel commentary (we’ll come back to that later). Mysterio putting the mask on was a stupid move on his part but at least the right guy won. Cody was running with this character but unfortunately this was pretty much the peak as he became just Cody Rhodes again, which isn’t really interesting. Good match here though.

Snoop Dogg is here to scout talent for his upcoming tour so Teddy Long has set up some auditions. Snoop: “Let the dogs loose.” First up is William Regal who raps about being a heel. Regal: “Was that gangster enough for you?” Beth Phoenix and Great Khali sing Summer Lovin from Grease. Zack Ryder sings Friday (a big hit at this point) until Roddy Piper breaks a coconut over his head. Yoshi Tatsu sings We Will Rock You as Chris Masters does his pectoral dance to the beat. Hornswoggle comes in but Teddy says he can’t talk so Snoop leaves. After they’re gone, Hornswoggle raps as the Bellas dance.

Kane/Big Show/Santino Marella/Kofi Kingston vs. Corre

Corre is Justin Gabriel/Heath Slater/Wade Barrett/Ezekiel Jackson in a spiritual successor to Nexus. They’re having some success too as Slater (a country boy) and Gabriel (a high flier) are Tag Team Champions (finally with two belts between them) and Barrett (a British brawler) is Intercontinental Champion. Jackson is a very muscular powerhouse. Show has been having issues with the team as of late, Kingston lost the title to Barrett and Corre put out Santino’s partner Vladimir Kozlov. Santino and Slater start but it’s quickly off to Show to destroy Heath. Everything breaks down and Show KO’s Slater for the pin at 1:35.

Santino dances a bit, probably thrilled with getting a Wrestlemania payday for such a quick match (really the only reason for this match to exist and there’s nothing wrong with that).

The Rock is in the back with Eve Torres and lets her feel his arm. Eve describes the weekend as magical so Rock offers to make magic with the next person that comes around the corner. As you might guess, cue Mae Young who wants the people’s strudel (guess what that means). Rock makes some old age jokes (Rock: “This is Eve. Like your childhood friends Adam and Eve.”) so Eve gives him a little spank. Rock wants anyone else to come around the corner and here’s Steve Austin. It’s serious Austin tonight and they say it’s good to see each other and say they both remember. You could feel the electricity here.

We recap CM Punk vs. Randy Orton. Punk had taken over the Nexus after they threw out Wade Barrett and targeted Orton, costing him the World Title at the 2011 Royal Rumble. This was all due to Orton costing Punk his Raw World Title back in 2009, causing Punk to promise that Orton won’t be champion again on his watch. Orton took out the New Nexus one by one (in about six weeks after Cena couldn’t do it in six months).

CM Punk vs. Randy Orton

Orton comes in with a bad right knee after Punk hit it with a wrench. Punk dives after the leg but gets punched in the face for his efforts. They head outside where Punk dives over the steps and kicks them back into the bad knee to take over. A cross body gets two back inside but Punk stops to do Orton’s pose, earning himself a backbreaker. Something like a Stunner to the leg puts Orton right back in trouble though and Punk cannonballs down on it.

Orton gets tied up in the corner for a top rope double stomp. The GTS is countered into an RKO attempt but Punk kicks him in the face for two. Punk gets crotched on the top for a superplex but it bangs up the knee again. There’s a figure four around the post (you can’t fault Punk’s strategy here) followed by something like an Indian deathlock.

Some headbutts get Orton out and an Angle Slam gets two. The Anaconda Vice (Punk’s arm trap choke) out of nowhere has Orton in trouble until he rolls on top to make Punk break it up. The elevated DDT looks to set up the Punt but the knee gives out. Punk blocks an RKO attempt and goes up top for a clothesline, only to dive right into the RKO for the pin at 14:40.

Rating: B-. Another good match here as the first hour and a half of this show have been on a roll. Punk losing here was a surprise but it gave us the sweet RKO out of nowhere for the year. Orton was starting to get into a weird place as he was the upper midcarder on call for whatever you needed him to do. Punk would be back later in the year though so he didn’t have a lot to be worried about.

Gene Okerlund is in the back with Rock and they meet John Cena’s #1 fan: Pee Wee Herman. Rock recruits him to be a man and the payoff is Gene in Cena gear. This really isn’t funny.

No Hall of Fame video this year as they just come out. The Class of 2011 includes Abdullah the Butcher (legendary hardcore wrestler), Sunny (never likely to be mentioned again in WWE after basically going crazy), the Road Warriors (long overdue), Drew Carey (he was in the 2001 Royal Rumble), Bullet Bob Armstrong (famous Georgia wrestler), Jim Duggan (with a bowtie on the 2×4) and Shawn Michaels as the headliner, getting his own entrance.

Clip from this week’s Raw of Lawler beating up Cole’s trainer Jack Swagger. Lawler tried to go after Cole and got coffee thrown in his face.

Jerry Lawler vs. Michael Cole

Austin is guest referee and this is Lawler’s chance for revenge after Cole treated him like garbage for months, including costing him a Raw World Title shot. Booker T., Josh Matthews and JR will be on commentary. As he almost always did, Cole cuts off JR’s entrance to call Lawler and Ross old and fat. Swagger does his push-ups on the ramp entrance but Austin’s music and ATV cut him off.

Cole hides in the Cole Mine (his plastic box) and warms up until Austin rings the bell. Lawler takes out Swagger and Cole (showing off a lot of tattoos) immediately starts begging off. Cole offers a handshake through the box wall but Lawler doesn’t let go. Instead he pulls Cole’s head against the wall over and over before climbing in to pull Cole out (after a beating inside the box of course).

Lawler rams Cole head first into his public speaking platform (for official announcements from the anonymous Raw General Manager). Swagger gets in a cheap shot and puts on the ankle lock. Austin doesn’t see it but he counts even slower than Bruce Hart did last year. Cole bends the ankle around the bottom rope and does a very slow motion Vader Bomb from the middle rope for two. With Lawler in trouble, Cole pulls down the strap and puts on the Ancole (yes Ancole) lock.

Lawler gets out and stomps Cole down in the corner as Austin doesn’t seem interested in intervening. Swagger throws in a towel but Austin throws it back. That’s not cool with Swagger so he gets a Stunner for his troubles. Cole slaps Austin and eats a BIG right hand from Lawler, who easily pounds Cole down. The middle rope fist drop (with the real strap lowering) gets two as Lawler pulls him up. The ankle lock makes Cole tap (Austin: “DO……..YOU…….QUIT?”) at 13:45.

Rating: D. The match was bad for the most part and Cole got in WAY too much offense but the whole thing had to end with Lawler beating him definitively. I know they can’t use the piledriver but at least we got something good enough. Maybe this shuts Cole up for the night if nothing else.

Post match a lot of beer is consumed (not by Lawler, a noted non-drinker) and Booker gets in the ring for a Spinarooni for absolutely no apparent reason. Austin gives him a Stunner for coming in uninvited. Serves that rude Booker right. The celebration continues…..and we get an e-mail from the GM, saying that the decision is reversed due to Austin overstepping his bounds so Cole wins.

I know a lot of this show is poorly remembered and this is the biggest reason why. The first two hours of this show were breezing by and then this happened. You could feel the air going out of the stadium and that’s the last thing you want to do at any point and especially halfway through.

There was no logical reason for Lawler to lose here. Cole had been built up for months and was finally going to get what was coming to him. We had the moment and then he loses to keep this whole thing going for two more months, until Lawler beat Cole in a match no one remembers. This killed what the show had going and it’s going to take a miracle to recover.

Austin Stuns Matthews for making the announcement.

Wrestlemania week video.

We recap Undertaker vs. HHH which is really just the fallout from Shawn’s retirement and HHH trying to do what his best friend couldn’t. Both guys talked about how big this was but somehow avoided talking about their first Wrestlemania match. This is another match that really doesn’t need a big explanation.

JR and King are doing commentary now.

HHH vs. Undertaker

No holds barred. HHH comes out to Metallica’s For Whom the Bell Tolls with a phalanx of soldiers and battle armor. Undertaker doesn’t quite one up him with Johnny Cash’s Ain’t No Grave but it’s close. HHH punches him into the corner to start so Undertaker throws him over the top and out to the floor. A whip into the steps has HHH in early trouble and it’s already time to load up the Spanish announcers’ table, only to have HHH spear him through the Cole Mine.

That only makes Undertaker do the sit up and power glare, followed by a jumping clothesline back inside. Old School is broken up though and it’s time to load up the announcers’ table. The chokeslam and Pedigree are broken up, the latter with a backdrop to send HHH crashing back to the floor. Dueling chants of 19-0 and 18-1 are quickly broken up by the return of the Taker Dive and both guys are down on the floor.

It’s Undertaker up first and he sets up the steps in front of the Spanish announcers’ table, only to charge into a spinebuster through it instead. Back in and Undertaker grabs a quick chokeslam for two. The Last Ride and Pedigree are both countered, followed by Undertaker charging into a spinebuster for two. This has been a war with nothing but big bombs so far. Undertaker kicks a chair away, only to walk into a Pedigree for two.

The Last Ride and Tombstone (complete with tongue out) both get two and now it’s serious. A DDT on the chair drops Undertaker and a second Pedigree is good for another near fall. The third Pedigree gets the same so HHH massacres him with the chair, including a big shot to the head. For some reason HHH doesn’t cover so Undertaker gets up. HHH: “JUST DIE!” Undertaker grabs him by the throat but there’s nothing behind it and HHH easily shoves him away.

HHH uses a Tombstone for two and people act like it’s some huge deal. This never worked for me as I’ve seen people use that on Undertaker for years and save for Kane, IT HAS NEVER WORKED ONCE! Why is this supposed to be some big, huge deal? HHH goes to get the sledgehammer but walks into Hell’s Gate and finally taps after a ridiculous minute and forty eight seconds to give Undertaker the win at 28:54.

Rating: A-. It’s really good but the last five minutes or so where they tried to turn it into theater took a lot of it down. If HHH wanted to end him that badly, why didn’t he just cover? That and the big Tombstone spot really hurt it as it stopped making sense. This was treated as one of the best matches of all time and it’s just not at that level, especially with Punk vs. Cena coming later in the year.

That’s not to say this wasn’t an awesome match because it certainly was. These guys were just hammering each other out there and it made for some really entertaining spots. The problem for me though was I never bought the Streak as being in jeopardy. I felt that with Shawn at times but it never came here. If you don’t have that drama, you’re missing a little something. It’s a step beneath both Shawn matches, but not a long step.

19-0 flashes on the screen and both guys are done. HHH slowly gets up as the trainer comes in to check on Undertaker (thankfully in silence). Undertaker gets out of the ring and falls on his face, eventually needing to be carted up the ramp.

Wrestlemania XXVII is in Miami.

Dolph Ziggler/Laycool vs. John Morrison/Trish Stratus/Snooki

Snooki is from Jersey Shore, a fad which has thankfully died down. Vickie Guerrero introduces Laycool because she’s still around. The bad guys jump our heroes from behind so Snooki slaps Dolph. McCool and Trish get us going and Trish takes over with chops, including one with Snooki licking her hand for good luck. An early Faithbreaker attempt is countered with a facebuster and a big Chick Kick gets two. The guys come in and Morrison knocks Ziggler to the floor for Starship Pain (split legged corkscrew moonsault). Snooki comes in with a handspring elbow into the corner followed by a splash to pin McCool at 4:16.

Rating: D. This was your lame celebrity match of the year but at least they kept it short and didn’t do anything too bad. They didn’t try to do anything too complicated or big here, even though the show really didn’t need anything else packed into this. Trish hadn’t lost a step either.

The new attendance record is announced. Notice that they said for any entertainment event, which excludes football.

We see someone watching videos jumping back and forth between wrestling legends and Miz on the Real World and his rise up the WWE card from joke to World Champion. The song playing talks about how someone isn’t stopping even if everyone hates him. This is really, really good stuff and a great middle finger to all of Miz’s detractors. The problem for Miz is the shadow of the Rock over this entire thing which no one was going to be able to shake. Cena won an Elimination Chamber to earn this shot.

Raw World Title: The Miz vs. John Cena

Cena is challenging. Miz and his crony Alex Riley walk through balloons spelling out “AWESOME!”. Cena’s big entrance involves a gospel choir and a man saying a prayer talking about how Cena is here to do good work and that he wished he had more than one life to do it. Cena might actually be booed louder than Miz. Feeling out process to start with Cena getting dropped off a shoulder but coming back with a hiptoss.

Miz takes over in the corner and whips Cena hard across the ring, setting up his running clothesline for two. A gutwrench suplex gets the same for Cena as the crowd is just silent. Miz misses the second running corner clothesline and takes the top rope Fameasser for two. The champ slowly stomps him down and a baseball slide sends Cena out to the floor. Back in and a knee lift gets two as Cena has shown no fire so far.

Cena fights back with some of his normal stuff including the Shuffle but the AA is countered into a low DDT for two more. Miz goes over and rips off a turnbuckle pad but we’re not ready for that yet. Instead Miz has to counter another AA so Cena takes him down into the STF, sending Miz crawling for the ropes. Back up and Miz sends him into the buckle, setting up the Skull Crushing Finale (full nelson faceplant) for two.

There goes the referee (of course) and Cena hits the AA (to silence, as the fans aren’t that stupid) for no count. Riley sneaks in with a metal briefcase shot to the face for two and now the fans are waking up. Now it’s Miz trying his own briefcase shot but it hits Riley by mistake, followed by one of the biggest AA’s of all time for a very close two (and the fans applaud). Miz heads outside so Cena spears him over the barricade (legitimately giving Miz a concussion)…..and that’s a double countout at 14:43.

Rating: D-. The last few minutes got better but this was AWFUL otherwise as the fans were sitting there in silence. Miz had a great build to this match but that didn’t mean he was ready for the main event of Wrestlemania. Also, A DOUBLE COUNTOUT? That’s dull on Raw and they try it here?

Never mind maybe because here’s the Rock. Before he can say anything, we get an e-mail from the GM. Rock reads the message but decides it doesn’t matter what the GM thinks. Wrestlemania isn’t ending like this so let’s keep going with No DQ. The bell rings and Cena takes a Rock Bottom, giving Miz the pin to retain about 40 seconds after the restart.

Miz goes after Rock for no logical reason so Rock lays him out and drops the People’s Elbow. A lot of posing and four minutes of highlights end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. It’s amazing how much two matches can destroy an otherwise solid show but that main event and the Lawler decision being reversed crushed this thing into the ground. Aside from those two matches, this is actually a heck of a show with nothing really bad (aside from the mixed tag which was kept short). Those two bad matches are devastating though and the ending left a REALLY bad taste in a lot of people’s mouths, which I can easily understand.

The other major issue is the Rock, who loomed over the entire thing. That opening monologue was something a 16 year old could have written and after the thing with Austin, he pretty much disappeared. The ending sets up more down the road, but that doesn’t make for a good way to close out the show. It’s not the worst show ever but those two holes are way too much to overcome.

Ratings Comparison

Edge vs. Alberto Del Rio

Original: C+

2013 Redo: C+

2015 Redo: C+

Cody Rhodes vs. Rey Mysterio

Original: B

2013 Redo: B-

2015 Redo: B

Corre vs. Kane/Santino Marella/Kofi Kingston/Big Show

Original: N/A

2013 Redo: N/A

2015 Redo: N/A

CM Punk vs. Randy Orton

Original: B-

2013 Redo: B

2015 Redo: B-

Michael Cole vs. Jerry Lawler

Original: C

2013 Redo: D-

2015 Redo: D

Undertaker vs. HHH

Original: B

2013 Redo: B

2015 Redo: A-

Snooki/Trish Stratus/John Morrison vs. Dolph Ziggler/Laycool

Original: N/A

2013 Redo: D+

2015 Redo: D

Miz vs. John Cena

Original: C-

2013 Redo: D-

2015 Redo: D-

Overall Rating

Original: C-

2013 Redo: D

2015 Redo: C-

That HHH vs. Undertaker match really is great.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/04/03/wrestlemania-27-not-sure-on-this-one/

And the 2013 Redo:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2013/04/05/wrestlemania-count-up-wrestlemania-xxvii-rocky-cant-save-this-one/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Wrestlemania XXVII
Date: April 3, 2011
Location: Georgia Dome, Atlanta, Georgia
Attendance: 71,617
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, Josh Matthews

This is the Rock’s show as he’s back to be guest host. Really that’s all you need to know here because it’s all that matters. We’ve also got Cena vs. Miz for the Raw Title, which is basically a backdrop for the obvious Rock and Cena interaction. For the blue guys we’ve got Del Rio challenging Edge for the title and Undertaker’s opponent is Shawn’s heterosexual life partner HHH. Oh and there’s no MITB this year thank goodness. Let’s get to it.

Keri Hilson sings America the Beautiful. I’m not sure who she is but I like her voice far better than Fantasia’s from last year.

The opening video sounds like the opening to a late night talk show, but it leads to ROCKY, which makes it all better. He does the long walk down the long ramp to get to the ring and the place goes nuts for him. Rock starts off with the FINALLY line after walking around the ring for a bit. He asks if we can feel, taste and smell the electricity. We get a pretty lame “I say Wrestle, you say Mania” bit with the crowd and Rock has goosebumps.

As for the wrestlers here tonight, there’s one in particular sitting in the back trying to decide which Fruity Pebbles shirt to wear to the ring tonight. We get the required Fruity Pebbles chant as Rock keeps stalling. Before continuing, Rock has to have some of the People’s Water (his words not mine). Now when he says Yabba, the people say Dabba. If it’s not clear by now, he has no idea what to say here for the most part.

Rock lists off all of his own nicknames to say he’s hosting while rhyming a bit (“Always defiant and standing taller than Andre the Giant”) before saying that IF YA SMELL belongs to the people. Everyone says it with him and that’s finally that. This was six minutes long and had about enough material to fill in a third of that.

We get the usual Wrestlemania through history video to show how important it’s been over the last 27 years.

Cole, a heel here, says this is the fabric of Americana. That’s a bit of a stretch I’d think.

Smackdown World Title: Alberto Del Rio vs. Edge

Del Rio is challenging and comes out in a Rolls Royce. The video screen is made to look like a driveway for Del Rio to be driving from in a cool sight. Also at ringside is Del Rio’s bodyguard Brodus Clay. Does anyone even remember that association? Christian is of course here to second Edge. Alberto sends him into the corner to start but Edge comes back with some hard slaps. A backdrop puts Alberto down and a second one puts him on the floor.

Back in and Del Rio grabs an armbar to take over, only to be armdragged down. Alberto goes right back to the arm as Brodus talks trash. Back to the armbar but Del Rio misses a charge and falls out to the floor. Edge dives off the top to take Del Rio down again and we head back inside. The champion heads to the top but Alberto pulls him down with a top rope armdrag for two. Edge comes back with a big boot to get himself a breather but he can’t follow up.

A running forearm puts Del Rio down again and a flapjack gets two. Alberto grabs a Codebreaker to the arm but the cross armbreaker is countered into an Edge-O-Matic for two. Del Rio rolls through a rollup and grabs the armbreaker but Edge gets his feet on the ropes to quickly escape. Edge snaps Alberto’s neck on the top rope but as he goes up top, Del Rio hits the enziguri in the corner for two.

Brodus and Christian get in a fight on the floor but Del Rio kicks Christian down. There’s the Edgecution to set up the spear but it hits post instead. The armbreaker goes on but Edge keeps his hands together….for a minute before Alberto gets the hold on full. Edge gets on top of Alberto to break it up and there’s the Edgecator (modified Sharpshooter) but Del Rio rolls away. Not that it matters as Edge pops up and hits the spear to retain.

Rating: C+. For a world title match at Wrestlemania, this was a disappointment. For Edge’s last match because his neck was REALLY messed up, this was pretty decent stuff. Edge would retire a few days later and vacate the title, which says to me that he should have put Del Rio over here. At the end of the day it makes Alberto look weak to lose to a guy that banged up but it did give Edge a good moment to go out on. Nothing great though.

Post match Edge beats up Del Rio’s car and Alberto….lets him. Christian provides a pipe and the real beating of the car begins. This had to happen sooner or later. Cole brings up a good point: “Someone should arrest them.” True actually, but then again Orton didn’t get arrested for trying to blow up John Cena, so this is minor by comparison.

Tough Enough is coming. That show was awesome.

Cole taunts Lawler a bit before their match later.

Cody Rhodes vs. Rey Mysterio

Cody used to be Dashing but then Rey hit him with the 619 and the knee brace hit Cody in the face, scarring him and requiring facial surgery. Cody basically became Dr. Doom but in reality his face was fine. However he wanted Rey’s mask for retribution. This was an AWESOME character but of course WWE would wind up wasting the entire thing and make Cody a jobber because they got bored with him after a few months. Still though, this part was awesome.

Oh yeah the match. Rey comes out as Captain America this year which is an awesome looking costume for him. Rey is almost immediately sent to the apron but comes in off the top with a dropkick to take over. A forearm to Rey’s face takes over and Cody goes after the knee brace which caused the initial injury. Rey kicks his way out of the corner but Cody headbutts him in the face to take over again because of the hard mask.

The Disaster Kick to the head puts Rey down again and it’s off to a chinlock. Cody charges into a boot in the corner but comes right back with the Alabama Slam for two. Back to the knee brace for a second before Cody hits a running knee to the back of Rey’s head to keep him down. Mysterio is sent to the apron again and goes up top, only to be sent down in a delayed superplex. Cody stomps away and talks about how Rey hurt his face.

Rey escapes Cross Rhodes and sends Cody out to the floor for a baseball slide to the face. A headscissors sends Cody into the apron and we head back inside to speed things up. Rey hooks a quick quick rollup for two and fires off a kick to the face. Cody charges into a kick to the ribs but comes back with a release German suplex for two. A springboard headscissors puts Cody down but the 619 is caught in mid kick. Cody slingshots Rey’s throat into the middle rope for two more and now the knee brace is removed.

Rey comes right back with a moonsault press for two of his own and Cody loses his mask. The 619 hits and a hard kick to Cody’s head gets two more. Now Mysterio puts Cody’s mask on and hits a few headbutts with it before hitting a top rope headbutt to the chest for two. Cody rolls to the floor and sneaks in a shot to the face with the knee brace, followed up by Cross Rhodes for the upset pin.

Rating: B-. Good match here and pretty easily Cody’s biggest win ever to this point. Cody needed this win a lot more than Mysterio and it made him even more awesome than he already was before this match. Mysterio had nothing to gain here and it was a pleasant sight to see the hotter star go over like that.

We go to the back for our comedy segment of the night. Teddy is in the back with Snoop Dog for a talent search. First up we have William Regal dropping some rhymes on us. Snoop says it’s not gangster enough for him. Here are Khali and Beth Phoenix to sing Summer Loving from Grease. It would have been better as Natalya but still not bad. Finally we have Ryder singing Friday (now THERE’S a dated joke), only to be blasted with a chair by Piper. Snoop is….pleased? Masters does his pec dance to We Will Rock You with Yoshi Tatsu providing vocals. Horny raps and we have a winner. The Bellas come in to dance too.

Corre vs. Big Show/Kane/Kofi Kingston/Santino Marella

Corre is the sequel to Nexus and is made up of Barrett/Slater/Gabriel/Jackson. Barrett is IC Champion and Slater/Gabriel are tag champions. Santino and Slater start things off but after a quick hiptoss from Marella here’s Big Show. Matthews: “He’s certainly not unorthodox.” Yeah actually he is, given how big he is. Everything breaks down and Kofi kicks Barrett’s head off. In all the calamity, Santino Cobras Slater into the WMD for the pin in just over 90 seconds. This would be the replacement for MITB for the Mania payday.

Rock kind of hits on Eve Torres in the back. But enough of that as Rock says he can make magic with anyone that comes around the corner. I called this one before it happened live: Mae Young pops up and says she wants the People’s Strudel. Rock suggests the Moses variety instead and makes various other old people jokes. Mae smack’s Rock’s pants and leaves so Rock can say he wishes that was ANYONE else.

He turns around and locks eyes with Steve Austin. They look at each other and say it’s good to see each other with Rock asking if Austin remembers. Austin says he does and they shake hands. This wasn’t a funny moment but one of those where you could actually feel the intensity. Also to brag a bit, I called both of those appearances before they happened live.

We recap Randy Orton vs. CM Punk. Back in 2008, Orton cost Punk the title for no apparent reason by keeping him out of the Championship Scramble at Unforgiven. Two and a half years later, Punk jumped Orton and said he was doing this as revenge for Orton costing him that shot. Punk had since taken over the Nexus and sent them after Orton, who took them out one by one in a few weeks (Note that Cena spent six months fighting them and took out one guy while Orton took out about five in as many weeks). Tonight is the showdown.

Randy Orton vs. CM Punk

The cylinder from last year is now a cube which still has the videos playing on them. Orton immediately takes it to the floor and pounds away, but Punk jumps over the steps and kicks them into Orton’s knees. Back in and Orton stays on the knees for a quick two count. Punk of course mocks the knee injury before stomping at the legs even more. Randy grabs a quick backbreaker but Punk comes back with a kind of Stunner to the leg for two.

Punk hits the running knee in the corner but Orton falls down before he can hit the bulldog. The straightedge one stays on the knee and puts Orton in the Tree of Woe. In a cool bit, Orton tries to pull himself up but Punk drops a top rope knee to take Randy right back down. The GTS is countered but Punk breaks up the RKO with a high kick for two. Punk loads up the Macho Elbow but Orton crotches him down instead. A superplex puts Punk down but the cover is very delayed and only gets two.

Punk wraps the knee around the post a few times and Orton is in big trouble. Off to a modified Indian deathlock for a bit but Orton fights back and slugs Punk down to take over. Punk comes back with a basic kick to the knee and there’s the Anaconda Vice. Orton rolls over and the fans never once seemed nervous about a tap out. CM heads out to the apron and is rammed into the post, followed by the Elevated DDT. Orton loads up the Punt but the knee gives out. Punk heads to the outside and loads up the springboard clothesline but dives right into the RKO for the pin by Randy.

Rating: B. Good solid match here which should have been the end of the feud, but since this is WWE, there was a gimmick rematch the next month because that’s how WWE books feuds. You know, because WRESTLEMANIA isn’t good enough to end a story at. Anyway, very good match here between two guys with solid chemistry together.

The Rock and Gene Okerlund are in the back and they meet John Cena’s #1 fan: Pee Wee Herman. He’s not my kind of comedy but Rock recruits him to Team Bring It. Gene calls Herman a tool.

BUY THE WRESTLEMANIA DVD!

Hall of Fame time. The class of 2011: Abdullah the Butcher, Sunny, Road Warriors, Drew Carey, Bob Armstrong, Jim Duggan (with bowtie on the 2×4) and……that Shawn Michaels guy.

Here’s a Wrestlemania Recall from….Monday night? It’s Lawler and Swagger, Cole’s trainer for his match tonight, brawling.

We don’t bother recapping Cole vs. Lawler, but basically Cole has been heel since November and even cost Jerry the WWE Title a few months ago. After months and months, tonight is Lawler’s revenge. Swagger has been training Cole and Austin is guest referee. Booker and JR come out to do commentary with Josh.

Cole comes out in a Syracuse hoodie and headgear to match. He makes fun of JR for being fat and Lawler for having a big ego. This is going to be Lawler’s first Wrestlemania match.

Jerry Lawler vs. Michael Cole

Austin rides out on his ATV and sends Cole into his plastic cube. Cole warms up in his cube as Lawler and Austin wait in the ring. Austin rings the bell and Lawler goes right for Michael. He has to punch Swagger out first and sends him into the barricade for good measure. Cole begs for mercy and reaches his hand through the hole in the cube for a handshake, only to be pulled face first into the wall. Lawler climbs in and pounds away before bringing Cole out into the open.

Swagger interferes again and Cole gets a breather before actually hitting a baseball slide. Jack puts on the ankle lock as Cole is in control here. Back in and Michael works on the ankle some more as he’s actually maintaining control. Cole loads up a Vader Bomb but can only do it off the bottom rope for two. It’s remarkable that a former world champion is in this much trouble after a few shots by an announcer isn’t it?

Cole starts going after the ankle again as we’re somehow EIGHT MINUTES into this. The crowd chants boring and they’re absolutely right. Cole takes down a strap and puts on the An-Cole (yes that’s what it’s called) Lock but Lawler easily breaks it. After nine minutes plus, Jerry FINALLY comes back and starts pounding away. Swagger throws in a towel but Austin wipes his head with it and throws it back. Jack gets in the ring and is Stunned for his efforts.

Now Cole gets in Austin’s face but walks into a right hand from Jerry as the real beating begins. There’s a dropkick for good measure to put Cole down and it’s time for the middle rope punch, complete with a point to the sign and the peeling down of the strap. Jerry covers him but pulls it up at two. Lawler puts on the ankle lock and Cole immediately tabs. Austin asks if he gives up veeeeeeeeeery slowly. Cole: “YES YES I GIVE UP I GIVE UP!” Austin: “ARE YOU SURE!” The bell finally rings and we’re done.

Rating: D-. Oh this was terrible. This ran THIRTEEN AND A HALF MINUTES with Lawler getting beaten up for nearly ten of that. This should have been five minutes long with Lawler not even breaking a sweat. I can live with the lack of a piledriver for company rules, but the fist should have ended it rather than the ankle lock. At least it couldn’t get worse though.

Swagger carries Cole out and it’s time to drink. Booker comes in for no apparent reason and Lawler (a notorious non-drinker) has a chance to drop his beers. We get a Spinarooni and Booker gets a Stunner for stealing the spotlight.

And then it happens.

We get an e-mail from the Anonymous Raw GM, saying that since Austin got physical, the decision is reversed and Cole wins by DQ. If there has EVER been a dumber idea in wrestling history, I have no idea what it is. Lawler would get the win TWO MONTHS LATER and the GM would eventually be revealed to be Hornswoggle of all people. This is just so stupid. Austin gives Josh, the messenger, the Stunner for good measure. Also to keep the people from booing this out of the building anymore than they already are.

We get a video on Wrestlemania week.

We recap HHH Undertaker. In short, Shawn couldn’t do it the last two years, so now it’s HHH’s turn to try. Both guys talked about how big this was and how awesome they were and it’s no holds barred for no real apparent reason.

HHH vs. Undertaker

HHH comes out with a phalanx of soldiers, in battle gear and to a LONG version of For Whom the Bell Tolls by Metallica. Does it make up for the Thor entrance? No, but it’s pretty awesome. Taker comes out to Ain’t No Grave Can Hold My Body Down (or whatever its name is) by Johnny Cash. HHH pounds him into the corner to start but gets launched over the top rope for his efforts. The Game fires off more right hands but gets sent into the steps to break the momentum again.

HHH comes back by spearing him into the Cole Mine (JR and King are doing commentary now) but Taker sits up with ease. Back in and Taker hits the jumping clothesline but Old School is countered. A clothesline puts Taker onto the floor and HHH whips him into the barricade for good measure. HHH loads up the announce table but the Pedigree attempt is countered by a backdrop to the floor.

Taker goes back inside and busts out the Taker Dive for good measure. Thankfully this time he had HHH there to catch him. The steps are placed in front of the other table and Taker charges at HHH, only to be caught in the spinebuster through the table to put both guys down again. Back in and HHH walks into a chokeslam for a close two. HHH drives Taker into the corner and starts pounding away, only to get caught in the Last Ride ala Wrestlemania 17. He escapes this time though, only to have his Pedigree attempt countered. Snake Eyes connects but the big boot is countered into another spinebuster.

HHH brings in a chair but gets kicked in the face to give Taker the chair. The Game absorbs a shot to the back and grabs a quick Pedigree for two. Triple H pounds away in the corner again and now the Last Ride connects for two. The Tombstone also hits for two and Taker is getting frustrated. As he picks up HHH, the Game comes back with a DDT onto the chair for no cover. Both guys slowly fight to their feet and there’s another Pedigree and a VERY slow count for two.

A third Pedigree hits and the crowd is barely popping anymore on these kickouts as we’re reaching the point of ridiculousness. HHH blasts him in the back with the chair eight times but he’s too gassed to follow up. A ninth cracks Undertaker in the head and the Dead Man is in trouble. There are about 45 seconds of nothing in between these shots by the way. Taker can’t sit up so HHH yells at him to stay down. A chokeslam attempt is easily shrugged off but Taker gets to his feet in the corner.

HHH tombstones Undertaker but even with the tongue out it only gets two. Again, if your name isn’t Kane, THAT DOESN’T WORK. HHH goes to the floor and gets the sledgehammer but walks into the Hell’s Gate. He drops the hammer but the hold is locked on tight. HHH starts to pass out but gets the hammer again. Then he drops it again and HHH taps out to make Undertaker 19-0.

Rating: B. I’m pretty sure that’s what I gave it live and it barely holds up to that level now. At the end of the day, this was treated like a match where Taker was beaten down so much that he couldn’t possibly come back. The problem with the match is exactly that: it only felt like a match designed to be as one sided as possible for him to make the comeback. Think of it like the Aristocrats joke: take it as far as you can go and then get to the surprise ending. As mentioned, the fans didn’t even react to the near falls by the end. It also didn’t feel natural at all, much like the two Shawn matches. Good, but definitely not great.

Taker is carted out, which was the inspiration for the rematch, as HHH made it sound like he won the match.

Wrestlemania next year is in Miami.

John Morrison/Snooki/Trish Stratus vs. Laycool/Dolph Ziggler

Barely any story here as it’s just there to give us Snooki, which is supposed to mean something. Vickie is with Laycool here because she’s already screwing Dolph at this point. Trish is STUNNING as a brunette here too. Laycool attacks to start and the guys get involved as well. Michelle shoves Layla to start so Trish comes in and beats Michelle up. The Matrish is broken up with a stomp but Trish escapes the Faithbreaker (Styles Clash) with a facebuster.

Michelle and Stratus slug it out on the top before falling to the floor at the same time. Layla tries to interfere and gets decked as well, only to have Trish dive off the apron and take both of them out. The Chick Kick gets two on Michelle as the guys come in sans tags. Starship Pain to the floor takes Ziggy out and there’s the tag to Snooki for a handspring elbow to Michelle. That and a splash are good for the pin.

Rating: D+. Trish and Laycool looked hot, Snooki did her two moves decently enough, the guys did almost nothing at all and Vickie was kept to a minimum in the less than three and a half minutes this ran. For a match that short with Trish looking that good, how much can you really complain here? Laycool would be split in a month with Michelle leaving the company.

The new attendance record is 71,617. Woot.

Do you need a recap of Cena vs. Miz? Miz is champion and it’s Cena at Wrestlemania.

Anyway we do get a video of Miz’s rise from MTV to Wrestlemania main event, cut in with great Wrestlemania moments. I’ll give them this: Miz’s rise from total joke to what he became is nothing short of remarkable. How Cena got the shot isn’t even mentioned here. I think he won the Chamber match.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. The Miz

Miz, complete with the SWEET coat, comes out through a set of balloons spelling out the word AWESOME. Oh and Alex Riley is here too. Cena has a full on gospel choir to sing him to the ring. That’s rather awesome. We get a prayer set to a Cena career video. If nothing else, this lets us see a gospel choir singing “Your time is up, my time is now.” It gets booed out of the building, but it does exist.

Feeling out process to start with Miz being taken down by a headlock. Miz grabs a headlock of his own but gets thrown down yet again. A test of strength is teased but Cena grabs another headlock instead. Not much to see yet. Miz fights into the corner and stomps away before hitting the corner clothesline for two. Matt Hardy’s Side Effect gets two more as we’re firmly in first gear here. Another corner clothesline misses and Cena comes back with a regular clothesline for two.

A big boot to the head gets two for Miz as the crowd continues to be dead silent for this. Cena misses a….cross body I think and falls to the apron. A Million Dollar Kneelift gets two for the champion but the Skull Crushing Finale is reversed and Cena fires off the shoulder blocks. The finishing sequence continues but Miz escapes the AA into a low DDT for two. Miz escapes the STF and hits the Reality Check for two more. The champion removes a buckle pad and as the referee puts it back on, Cena gets an unseen small package for two.

Another AA attempt is blocked with Miz grabbing the top rope. Instead it’s the STF but Miz quickly gets to the rope. Riley gets on the apron and the distraction is enough to send Cena into the buckle (apparently the referee is a bad repairman) and the Skull Crushing Finale gets two. Another Finale is reversed and the referee is bumped. The AA (ZERO pop) hits but there’s no one to count. Riley comes in with a briefcase shot to the head which gets another two on Cena.

Alex tries to come in again but Miz’s case shot takes him out by mistake. A BIG release AA hits again but Miz kicks out at two. They head outside and Cena clotheslines Miz over the barricade into the timekeeper’s area. Miz tries to get up and Cena spears him down, sending Miz’s head HARD into the concrete. I’ve heard Miz say that gave him a concussion and as a result he doesn’t remember a thing about this match. It looked TERRIBLE too, and it actually ends the match, as in the MAIN EVENT OF WRESTLEMANIA, in a double countout.

Rating: D-. The second half of this match got WAY better than the first, but the problem is it’s a fifteen minute match and the first seven or so are ridiculously boring. On top of that, did I mention it was a DOUBLE COUNTOUT IN THE MAIN EVENT OF WRESTLEMANIA??? The only good thing here was Miz kicking out of the AA in the middle of the ring. That’s how you make a guy look good. The rest of the match however is how you make someone look HORRIBLE, much like the match. Terrible stuff here as Miz wasn’t ready for this, which is what almost everyone thought would happen.

Oh wait here’s Rock, who apparently has match making powers as host (why he didn’t change the Lawler/Cole match earlier is anyone’s guess). After ignoring another e-mail, he restarts this under No DQ rules. The bell rings, Cena can’t hit the AA, Rock hits the Rock Bottom on Cena, Miz retains.

Post match Rock beats up Miz to a very limited reaction and it’s the People’s Elbow to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. Back in 2011 when I first watched this, I said out loud “What did I just watch?” That’s the same thing I’m wondering now, because this was terrible. Taker vs. HHH and Orton vs. Punk are both solid matches, but other than that this might as well have been Over the Limit instead of Wrestlemania. Basically this was there to set up the next edition of the show, which is pretty much a big screw you to the fans. Nothing to see here other than MAYBE HHH vs. Undertaker, but other than that there’s nothing of quality going on. One interesting note though: this is the only Mania ever with no title changes.

Ratings Comparison

Edge vs. Alberto Del Rio

Original: C+

Redo: C+

Cody Rhodes vs. Rey Mysterio

Original: B

Redo: B-

Corre vs. Kane/Santino Marella/Kofi Kingston/Big Show

Original: N/A

Redo: N/A

CM Punk vs. Randy Orton

Original: B-

Redo: B

Michael Cole vs. Jerry Lawler

Original: C

Redo: D-

Undertaker vs. HHH

Original: B

Redo: B

Snooki/Trish Stratus/John Morrison vs. Dolph Ziggler/Laycool

Original: N/A

Redo: D+

Miz vs. John Cena

Original: C-

Redo: D-

Overall Rating

Original: C-

Redo: D

Oh man was I too nice to this show back in the day.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/04/03/wrestlemania-27-not-sure-on-this-one/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Wrestlemania 27
Date: April 3, 2011
Location: Georgia Dome, Atlanta, Georgia
Attendance: 71,617
Commentators: Michael Cole, Josh Matthews, Jerry Lawler, Booker T, Jim Ross
America the Beautiful: Keri Hilson

Well here we are. It’s the biggest night of the year and we’re heading to Georgia for the first time in Mania history. The main events are John Cena vs. The Miz for the Raw Title, Edge vs. Alberto Del Rio for the SD Title and HHH vs. Undertaker (not II of course). This is the night we’ve all looked forward to, and there’s that Rock guy here too. Let’s get to it.

The dark match was the US Title match but it turned into a non-title battle royal with Khali eliminating Sheamus to end it. I’m assuming the US Title match will be later.

Note that this is being written live so please excuse any marking out moments.

Keri Hilson, some singer I don’t know, sings America the Beautiful.

The voiceover guy here is like an old vaudeville voice which is kind of cool. Up first: here’s THE ROCK! The Great One looks…well great. The arena looks awesome too. Actually it’s a stadium but whatever. After posing forever he teases the FINALLY before hitting it. Bunch of Fruity Pebbles signs in the crowd. Rock promises this will be electrifying. Time for a little game: the Rock says Yabba, the people say Dabba. This somehow takes up FIFTEEN MINUTES overall and he does a huge IF YA SMELL to end it.

Video about the major moments in Mania history and the big ones tonight. Standard awesome intro video. I know they were cutting out the wrestling but this is ridiculous.

There’s the traditional big fireworks display and we get a match!

 

Smackdown World Title: Edge vs. Alberto Del Rio

 

WHAT THE HECK??? THIS IS THE OPENING MATCH??? The intro is great for Alberto as the video where the car comes from is designed to look like his driveway at his estate so he’s driving out of it. That’s awesome. Clay is here with Alberto. Here’s Christian to back up Edge. I think shenanigans may be afoot. This gets the big match intros because it’s a big match. Can’t fault their logic there.

I’m watching on a stream so I’ll do my best on the times but I make no guarantees on their accuracy other than in general. Edge fires away early on as Cole talks about the arm. Naturally that triggers an attack on said arm which is in trouble early. The arm work continues as is intelligent. Alberto goes to the floor so Edge flips forward over the ropes and lands mostly on Del Rio in a cool spot.

As the champion comes back in though Del Rio pulls him off the top in an armbar. The Cross Armbreaker is countered into the Edge-O-Matic as Edge gets two. Out of nowhere the armbreaker goes on but Edge rolls through to escape. Dueling chants begin. Edge goes up again but Del Rio gets the running enziguri to take him down for two. Christian and Clay get into it and Christian goes flying via a suplex.

Edgecution sets up the attempted spear but Alberto avoids. He stops in the corner and Clay grabs the arm and rams it into the post. The armbreaker goes on full force after a bit of a block. Edge reverses into a rollup/cradle move that makes Alberto break it up to escape. Edge gets the Edgecator and Alberto is in trouble. Clay tries to come in but Christian gets the tornado DDT off the apron to the floor to take him down. Del Rio escapes but walks into the spear to end this at approximately 11:00. Wow that was abrupt.

Rating: C+. This wasn’t terrible but dude, 11 minutes for this? That’s in the level of Cena/JBL at Mania 21. Not a bad match but it felt like a match that could have easily been on Smackdown as a regular main event. Alberto didn’t need to get the title yet so at least the right man won. Still though, 11 minutes?

Edge beats up the Rolls Royce post match. By that I mean he destroys it with a crowbar. Why Alberto doesn’t go after it is beyond me. Alberto yells for Christian for some reason. Oh ok Christian was helping with a ball bat. I need to pay more attention.

Cole talks about being in the main event and is in a suit, as is Jerry. They….they couldn’t really be putting that on last could they?

Rey Mysterio vs. Cody Rhodes

 

As Rhodes comes to the ring we get the video recap of this. In short, Rey hit Cody with a 619 with a metal knee brace that Cody exposed earlier in the match, injuring the Dashing features of Cody. If this is a few years later, look up Dashing Cody Rhodes for an awesome heel in 2010. Rey’s character this year: Captain America. Ok that’s not bad.

Rey “helps” Cody take the jacket off as Cody is all afraid of being seen. Rana takes Cody down but a shoulder block shifts the momentum immediately. Cody immediately goes for the knee which is a bit odd but whatever. Beautiful Disaster leaves Rey seemingly dead but it only gets two. I could definitely see this being the modern Bob Orton injury angle which could work for months if played up right.

A rana is eventually countered into the Alabama Slam for two. That’s one of the things I like about Cody: he incorporates things from his past into his offense, which is a sign of him growing. Also he stopped having the big Triforces on his boots which was definitely a face thing. Cody gives Rey a neck massage which I’d assume is to get his arms tingling right?

Mysterio tries to speed things up a bit but gets caught on top and it’s a delayed vertical suplex from the middle rope which is pretty awesome. That only gets two though. The crowd is mostly into this but is kind of quiet. Granted that’s what a superhero comeback is all about. Cross Rhodes is avoided and we hit the floor for a bit with Cody’s face being sent into the apron.

Back in the ring and a seated senton means we speed things up a little. Rey kind of looks like something you would see in a Captain America cosplay contest. Wheelbarrow suplex by Cody gets two. Rey finally gets him in 619 position but it gets caught and Cody hits a slingshot to send Rey’s throat/chest into the middle rope for two. Cody tries to take the knee brace off and manages to get it, meaning Rey’s knees are about to snap like a Kit Kat.

Rey fights him off to a bit and gets a moonsault press for two. Cody’s mask comes off and he gets sent into the 619 position. You can see Rey’s not moving the same without the knee brace. Rey goes up but the splash meets knees. Big kick to the head gets only two as this is a good match. Rey puts Cody’s mask on and I’m not sure if Cody knows it or not. Rey gets some running headbutts to send Cody reeling and a swan dive gets….two. Wow I would have thought that was the finish. The referee throws the knee brace out and Cody hits Cross Rhodes for the shocking (but good) pin at approximately 12:15.

Rating: B. I was into this and it was a solid match. Also, thank goodness Cody won here so he can continue his Phantom of the Opera kind of thing. I’m very pleased with this as Cody continues to be one of the best guys in the company at this point. I’d love to see him get a quick title feud with Edge but I doubt it’ll happen.

Snoop Dogg is with Teddy Long and Snoop is looking for talent for a tour he’s got coming up. Teddy has some WWE talent to audition for him. Regal does a rap and it’s again hilarious. Khali and Beth Phoenix do a song from Grease and get hooked more or less. Zach Ryder sings something that is apparently from a chick named Rebecca Black and Roddy Piper hits him with what might have been a coconut. Piper looks good.

Tatsu and Masters do We Will Rock You with Masters doing the pec dance to the drums. Horny is going to do a rap apparently but he can’t talk. Teddy and Snoop leave and Horny raps while the Bellas dance. At least we got the good looking twins.

Corre vs. Santino Marella/Kofi Kingston/Big Show/Kane

 

The change of Kozlov to Kingston was kind of a surprise but I’m pretty sure if was officially announced. I can’t complain a bit there either as Kofi should be on the card. Santino vs. Slater to start us off here. Big kick by Santino misses so it’s off to Show who cleans a few rooms. You can’t really say cleans house for one guy.

Show rams into Slater in the corner but Jackson runs him over. Everything breaks down almost immediately and Barrett takes Trouble in Paradise. This is moving around too fast to call. Cobra time and it hits Santino. The Knockout Punch ends Slater and the match in about 1:40. Yeah there was a point to this. No rating of course. That punch was SICK in the replay.

Rock hits on Eve in his first appearance in 45 minutes. He talks about making magical moments. For instance whoever comes around the corner next (without Rock looking) is going to get a magical moment with Rock. And it’s Mae Young. I was thinking it would be her. She wants the People’s Strudel. Rock says that Mae should be after Moses’ strudel. Rock have Eve escort Mae to her seat. Mae spanks Rock for fun.

Rock does the around the corner thing again and IT’S AUSTIN!!!! I was hoping this would happen as it flat out needed to be done. This is like an old western. They’re both retired and it’s an incredible moment to say the least. They shake hands and say it was good to see each other. Totally AWESOME moment here and something that absolutely had to happen.

We recap Punk vs. Orton. In short, Orton punted Punk in the head two years earlier and cost Punk the title. Punk waited two years to get his revenge and sent the New Nexus after him. This more or less crippled the entire feud as it just died when Orton ran through Nexus the entire time. Oh and Orton had a bus for some reason and Punk hit him in the knee with a pipe or something so the leg is bad.

CM Punk vs. Randy Orton

 

Punk goes for the knee early but that gets him clotheslined. Out to the floor and Punk is sent into the steps but he jumps/steps over them which I don’t remember seeing before. He kicks the steps into the knee of Orton to take over. The fans chant for Orton as Punk hits a top rope cross body for two.

Orton fires back with the backbreaker and Punk is down a bit. He tries to fight out of the corner but Punk gets something like a jawbreaker onto the knee. That’s a new one. Orton gets caught in the Tree of Woe and Punk hammers away. Punk gives the sign for the GTS which of course doesn’t work as Punk does what any idiot villain does and walks around before he tries anything.

Randy escapes over the back and tries the RKO but gets kicked in the head for two instead. Punk goes to the outside but gets crotched. His reaction is awesome to say the least. The fans want a DDT off the top so Orton goes up. And the fans get something similar in the form of a superplex for two in a NICE callback to Orton’s papa (that was Bob’s finisher).

Punk fights back and actually gets the figure four around the post and does it to the correct leg! Leg lock back in the ring and it’s almost an Indian Deathlock. Orton fights out and gets the Angle Slam. Finally Cole doesn’t call it something stupid. Orton goes insane again and hits the Thesz Press to ZERO reaction. Punk fires back with kicks and a leg sweep and there’s the Anaconda Vice! The hold makes no sense given the knee work but it’s not going to be the finish anyway.

Orton is in trouble but he manages to roll out of it and into the ropes in a nice little counter. Punk goes to the apron and stands on the bottom rope because he’s not that intelligent. He gets sent into the post and the elevated DDT takes him down. Orton slams the mat and doesn’t break his arm this time. The face is awesome to say the least. He takes FOREVER though and you know it’s not hitting here.

Instead he backs up for the one legged punt because you know he can get a running start after not being able to stand a few minutes ago. Thank goodness Orton falls down on the approach. Punk looks all psycho and his hair is even freakier. He goes over to Punk and gets….not caught in the RKO as Punk shot out of the back. I thought it was a botch but that was intentional. Here’s your big RKO spot as Punk tries the springboard clothesline but jumps into a nice RKO to end it at 14:40.

Rating: B-. I’m not a fan of Orton but this was pretty good stuff. They gave it some time and the knee worked pretty well as Punk went into the air rather than having to jump. Pretty good here but you kind of have to wonder where this goes from here as well as where Punk goes. Granted that’s the point of watching tomorrow I guess.

Rock is with Gene Okerlund (do your own caps) who says that Cena’s #1 fan is coming here to confront Rock tonight. And it’s Pee Wee Herman. Gene wears Cena gear and Herman does the Rock’s line. I don’t care for Herman so this was nothing at all.

Hall of Fame time. Abdullah can barely walk.

Sunny looks good for the most part. She needs to just flash the crowd and get it over with.

Animal in a tux looks weird. Ellering is there too, complete with sunglasses.

Drew Carey is murdered by the crowd and rightfully so.

Armstrong gets no reaction at all, probably because no one knows who he is.

Duggan gets a nice ovation and there’s a bowtie on his 2×4.

And now for the one that matters. Yep the roof is gone.

We get a Wrestlemania Recall….which is from Raw. It’s Cole throwing soda in Lawler’s face. I hope this is next and it is.

Jerry Lawler vs. Michael Cole

 

Booker T and JR are on commentary with Josh. They both get intros, I guess to buy the guys time. As JR is coming to the ring, Cole interrupts him, complete with an orange hoodie and headgear and shorts. I give up. Cole runs his mouth about Lawler being old and all that jazz. Oh and he runs down the barbecue sauce. Well at least this isn’t the main event like they hinted at. Cole keeps stalling for time for Lawler which is fine.

Swagger comes out to no reaction at all. We get the pushups but in mid push the glass shatters and Austin is here with ATV and I think a new shirt. Cole took off the hoodie and is in a singlet. For no apparent reason Cole jumps off the apron when Austin is charging around it and has to hide in the box. Lawler comes out to his regular music thank goodness. He looks a bit like Shawn with his attire.

Somehow this is the best built match of the night. Lawler is in his usual attire in the ring as Cole stands on his desk in the Cole Mine to warm up. Austin says ring the bell and sends Lawler after Cole. Swagger charges and gets sent into the post and then the barrier. Cole begs off and is close enough to a mic for us to hear him. He offers a handshake through a hole in the box. Is that like a glory hole for idiots?

Lawler pulls on Cole’s hand and rams his head into the box. Jerry finally climbs into the freaking box and beats the heck out of Cole. This is awesome. Jerry destroys him and gets him out of the box. Into the GM podium he goes and Jerry tosses him into the ring. Swagger gets up and drills Jerry to put him down. Cole gets something close to a baseball slide to the send Jerry down.

Ankle lock by Swagger when Austin is distracted. The comeback for this is going to be awesome. Austin counts incredibly slowly and Cole works on the knee. Cole might have a 3 Stooges tattoo on his back. That’s something I really didn’t want to know. The fans say Cole can’t wrestle. Well he’s not a wrestler so I think that’s ok. The fans think this is nonsense. Such an impatient generation.

Cole tries a Vader Bomb (screw that Swagger Bomb stuff) from the bottom rope and Jerry powers out of it. Jerry gets some punches in but Cole goes back to the leg. The fans say boring so Cole pulls a strap down and puts on the AnCole Lock. Jerry doesn’t seem to mind and kicks Cole off to wake up the crowd. He walks it off and Cole is caught.

A mudhole is stomped….kind of. Swagger throws in the towel and Austin is like WHAT? There’s a Stunner for Swagger as the fans are way into it now. And now it is time to pay. Austin looks at his watch and Cole slaps his hand away and SHOVES AUSTIN. Big right hand by Lawler and the beating is on.

The fans get behind Lawler as the punches come in hard and there’s a dropkick. With a point to the sign and the strap coming down it’s a jumping punch from the middle rope. That gets two as Jerry pulls him up. This has to end with the Piledriver. Jerry grabs the ankle lock and Cole taps. Austin makes sure it’s really a tap in a funny bit. Cole insists he gives up and there’s the bell. Dang it that should have been the Piledriver but the ankle lock ends it at approximately 14:00.

Rating: C. This was a letdown for me. First of all the ankle lock was a pretty weak finisher and Cole was on offense too long. It wasn’t bad but they needed to change a few things out there to really make it awesome. This needed a Piledriver but I can understand Cole being afraid to take it or whatever.

Post match it’s time for a beer bash and Booker gets in the ring. Jerry takes a beer but doesn’t drink it (he’s a known non-drinker). There’s a spinarooni for Mania and why is this about Booker T again? Stunner to Booker and more beer is consumed. Jerry hasn’t drank any it seems. We get an E-Mail of all things to interrupt this. The referee overstepped his boundaries and the winner is Michael Cole by DQ. Please let this be a late April Fool’s joke. Amazingly it’s not and Matthews gets a Stunner. And the show is officially killed.

This should have been easy and they screwed it up. I’m in awe of their utter stupidity here.

We get a video of Wrestlemania Week and I do not care. I’m still stunned at the utter stupidity of what they just did.

Lawler and Ross are on commentary now which is cool but they couldn’t do that without the whole stupidity thing there? Yes I’m harping on it but man that was idiotic.

We recap HHH vs. Undertaker with a package we’ve seen a dozen or so times now. In short, HHH wants to break the Streak because there’s nothing else for him to do.

Undertaker vs. HHH

 

There’s a rock version of Taker’s theme which is WAY too up tempo for him. Oh wait that’s for HHH. Oh man it’s For Whom the Bell Tolls by Metallica. That’s cool but dude, it’s HHH. Ah there’s All About the Game. That’s more like it. He has an army and a crown and yeah you get where this is going. Still cool though. Taker does his usual awesome entrance to Johnny Cash.

The song loops as the entrance takes too long. Or maybe that was just the second verse. The lightning goes off when Taker removes his hat. The crowd is surprisingly quiet. This is no holds barred and they slug it out immediately. Taker grabs him by the head and fires him over the top with ease. We go to the floor and HHH actually wins a fistfight. His reward is being thrown into the steps.

We set up the announce table (Spanish of course) but HHH spears Taker into the Cole Mine to destroy it and put Taker down. Taker looks up at HHH and is all ticked off. Back in the ring and they slug it out again. Taker works on the shoulder and here comes Old School. That of course doesn’t work but this time you can’t blame it on him shouting OLD SCHOOL at least. Another clothesline sends Taker to the floor as HHH is favoring his left arm.

Now they set up the American announce table as Lawler is in an Austin shirt. Pedigree is countered as is the chokeslam but there’s a backdrop off the table to the floor and he’s holding that arm and wrist again. Oh yeah that thing slammed into the ground HARD. The fans chant 19-0 as the match more or less stops. Taker busts out the Taker Dive which at least cleared the ropes and hit HHH. It wasn’t great but at least he hit a person and not the floor.

We start using the steps and someone shouts about Shawn either being here or not being here to save HHH. Taker sets for a tombstone I think but gets countered and hit with a headbutt. Taker tries a running charge but gets caught by a spinebuster into the table/through the table, whichever you prefer. This has been big spot, lay down, big spot, lay down for about 8 minutes now.

Back in the ring and a chokeslam gets two. Taker loads up the Last Ride but gets rammed into the corner. More dueling chants begin and HHH fires away with punches in the corner. Taker tries the Last Ride but HHH counters in a nice callback to Mania X7 (which had nothing to do with these two facing each other. That’s never happened at Mania. Silly people) Pedigree is reversed as is a big boot to the face, the latter being via a spinebuster for two.

HHH goes to the floor and grabs a chair which of course goes across the Game’s back. Pedigree out of nowhere gets two. Last Ride gets a long two as we’re in that same formula from earlier. Taker gives the throat slit but the Tombstone is of course….not reversed for two. HHH kicked out of the tongue sticking out thing! I know they’re wanting this to be epic and while it’s good they feel like they’re trying to be epic rather than actually being epic.

Taker sets for another Tombstone, this time on the chair. Instead it’s a DDT mostly on the chair to put both guys down. Somehow this has been going almost 20 minutes. They both struggle to their feet and there’s a decent Pedigree for a long two. If Scott Armstrong didn’t have the biggest hitch in his count this side of something with a very large hitch in his count, this would have been over a long time ago.

A third Pedigree is kicked out of as this is bordering on stupid here. We get it: you can kick out of the Pedigree now DO SOMETHING ELSE! Both guys are down and HHH gets the chair. BIG chair shot to the head of Taker and he’s in big trouble. Taker does his best Terry Funk shaking impression as HHH shouts what’s wrong with you. He gets grabbed by the throat for his troubles but Taker can’t hold it.

Taker says bring it on so HHH does a throat slit. Tombstone hits Taker and of course it gets two. They try to play this off as some huge thing but dude, no one thought that was going to end it. HHH goes to the floor and it’s sledgehammer time. HHH holds up the hammer but Taker pulls him down into the Hell’s Gate and HHH is in trouble. He drops the hammer and is in big trouble. HHH tries to stand but is fading fast. He gets the hammer again but can’t get a shot to the head. HHH TAPS OUT to end this at approximately 29:10 but I had some stream issues so I’m not sure how accurate that is to the second.

Rating: B. Well it was brutal, but at the same time did anyone really believe this was ending with anything other than a big sign that said 19-0? The whole big spot rest big spot rest got really annoying and it made the match feel a lot longer than it should have. Good stuff, don’t get me wrong, but at the same time it ran too long and that hurt it in my eyes.

Taker gets checked out by a trainer post match and they do the big exit with both of them leaving at the same time. Taker can barely walk and keeps falling down. He falls down next to the ring and they have to get a cart to take him out. I’m not sure if this is legit or not but I’m leaning towards it being so.

Good time for a Don’t Try This at Home no?

Wrestlemania 28 will be in Miami as we all knew.

Laycool/Dolph Ziggler vs. John Morrison/Trish Stratus/Snooki

 

Please….make it short. Dolph is officially the business associate. Not sure if they had covered that before but it’s official here. At least Laycool looks incredible. Trish should never be allowed to not wear leather. And here’s the draw, Snooki. Oh dear. Well I guess she’s an improvement over Bieber. I can’t wait for like three years from now when this is totally dated.

The girls go at it early and the guys pull them off. Trish and Michelle start us off officially. Trish tries to tag in Snooki early but I think the small one doesn’t want in. Matrish leads to an attempt at a Faithbreaker but Trish counters into a facejam. McCool counters the Stratusphere and they fight on the buckle with both crashing to the floor. Everything breaks down and Morrison hits Starship Pain to the floor to take out Ziggler.

Off to Snooki and let the booing begin. She does a handspring elbow into the corner which is still a stupid move. A cartwheel into the WORST SPLASH EVER ends McCool at 3:15. Snooki was in the match for a total of 12 seconds. Note to future girls wanting to be a Diva: don’t bother marrying Undertaker or working to become awesome. Get on a bad reality show and get in fights in bars. You’ll get wins at Mania. No rating due to it being short and it ticking me off. Match was nothing special to say the absolute least. Perhaps the worst celebrity match ever.

There’s a new attendance record for the Georgia Dome of 71,617. That’s always cool to hear.

It’s time for the main event of Cena vs. Miz. Yes, the Miz is wrestling in the main event of Wrestlemania. BE JEALOUS! No recap at all and it’s time to go. I guess we’re running behind. Ah ok here’s a package as we see Miz’s rise to the top and interspersed with various world title wins at Mania. Miz is looking at a screen watching all this. We get the DEMON CHILD and clips of him on Real World and Tough Enough and doing all kinds of stupid things before he got serious and AWESOME as a result.

This gets the music video treatment about how everyone hates Miz but he keeps winning. Miz having his back to the camera the entire time is great. This transitions into a video about the feud with Miz constantly getting the better of Cena.

Raw World Title: The Miz vs. John Cena

 

Miz runs through some things that look like balloons saying AWESOME. This is MIz’s moment and it’s working. Riley has the varsity jacket with him here and Miz has his coat also. Must be chilly in Atlanta. Cena’s big entrance this year: a full on gospel choir. We actually have a prayer with clips of Cena growing up and being awesome I guess. They actually say Jesus here which is a bit different. This takes a long time also, as has everything else tonight. After the prayer the choir actually sings Cena’s theme in full on gospel style. And then he sprints to the ring in a new shirt.

Cena is of course mostly booed out of the building. This is listed as Cena’s 8^th straight Mania main event which is a relative term as some of them were in the middle of the card. The bell rings twice for no apparent reason and they lock up. Miz controls early but Cena gets a hip block to get us back to even. Cena with some nice technique to get a headlock but that doesn’t last long.

They’re in a long feeling out period here and Miz stomps away to end that. Miz takes over with basic stuff but gets caught in a gutwrench suplex for two. Miz misses his running clothesline in the corner which hit earlier. Top rope Fameasser hits for two. Big boot to the head of Cena gets two. They botch something so Miz gets a dropkick to the ribs to send Cena to the floor.

Back in the ring and Cena starts his finishing sequence but can’t get the FU. Short DDT gets two for the champion. A Let’s Go Miz chant starts up as he escapes the STFU and gets caught in a neckbreaker for two. Miz unhooks the buckle which gets him nowhere. Cena gets the STF but Miz grabs the rope. Riley sends Cena into the exposed buckle and Miz gets the Skull Crushing Finale for a long two.

Down goes the referee and wouldn’t you know it that it hits just a second before the FU. Riley comes in with the briefcase and down goes Cena again. Naturally that only gets two as the fans are finally back into this. Miz goes for the case but hits Riley and walks into a HUGE Attitude Adjustment for TWO! Wow I would have bet on that being the ending there.

Out to the floor and Cena kills him with a running clothesline to send him over the barricade. Big old spear onto the concrete by the fans and that looked sick. They’re both dead and this is going to be a double count out. ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME??? This can’t be. That had better be a legit injury or we’re not done yet.

And here’s Rock to make sure this doesn’t suck. There’s an e-mail and Rock says that it doesn’t matter what the GM thinks so this is restarting, no DQ, no countout, no time limit. Cena goes for the FU immediately but walks into the Rock Bottom and MIZ RETAINS!!! The pin was at 19:30 overall, counting the big stoppage.

Rating: C-. Even with the ending this was still pretty boring. They’re not hurt which is always a good thing but dude, did we need a false finish in something like this? It’s the main event of Wrestlemania for crying out loud. I get that you needed Rock out there, but make something better than that. I’m not impressed here at all which is hard to do with me at Mania

Miz holds up the title post match and Rock looks at him. The beatdown is on and it’s a People’s Elbow for Miz.

Overall Rating: C-. This was a VERY hit or miss Mania and it’s going to have a very mixed reaction I think. A lot of the booking is just kind of out there, namely Cole/Lawler. I get that they’re setting up for future shows but at the same time this is WRESTLEMANIA! There’s some good stuff but nowhere near enough to make this really work.

There are times when you just do certain things and this is one of them. Not impressed here at all and this is a huge fall down from last year. Rock helped, but there’s only so much he can do. Summerslam and Raw tomorrow better be AMAZING. The ending helps this but certainly doesn’t save it. WAY too rushed of a show and that’s the downfall of it. I’ll probably have more to say on it later but that’s my initial reaction.

Results

Edge b. Alberto Del Rio – Spear

Cody Rhodes b. Rey Mysterio – Cross Rhodes

Kane/Big Show/Kofi Kingston/Santino Marella b. The Corre – Big Show pinned Slater after a punch

Randy Orton b. CM Punk – RKO

Michael Cole b. Jerry Lawler via DQ when Steve Austin got involved in the match

The Undertaker b. HHH – Hell’s Gate

Snooki/John Morrison/Trish Stratus b. Laycool/Dolph Ziggler – Snooki pinned McCool after a splash

The Miz b. John Cena – Miz pinned Cena after a Rock Bottom from the Rock

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Smackdown
Date: March 20, 2020
Location: WWE Performance Center, Orlando, Florida
Commentator: Michael Cole

This is starting to feel a bit more normal but there is almost no way of telling what to expect on this show. There is a good chance that we are going to be seeing another long form match to fill in some time and really, that might not be the worst idea. The way WWE presents these shows with no fans isn’t exactly exciting so keeping those parts to a minimum isn’t a bad move. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Michael Cole is in the ring to introduce Rob Gronkowski, the host of this year’s Wrestlemania. After a video on Gronkowski, Mojo Rawley comes in to say that’s not hyped enough and handles the real introduction. Gronkowski comes out and dances to the ring, saying he’s ready for the party even in front of no fans. Rawley promises to have his back and front but here’s King Corbin to interrupt. Corbin talks about how we don’t have pads around here but he knows what it’s like to be in the NFL.

Cue Elias to say he wants to sing a song about Corbin, who finally agrees to listen to it. Elias sings while Rawley and Gronkowski dance behind Corbin. With the song over, Corbin gets in Gronkowski’s face but Rawley gets behind him and shoves Corbin over, allowing Elias to throw him over the top. Gronkowski says he can’t make matches, but he thinks Elias should face Corbin at Wrestlemania. I already can’t stand Gronkowski and I don’t see that changing anytime soon.

Drew Gulak/Daniel Bryan vs. Artists Collective

That would be the group name for Sami Zayn/Cesaro/Shinsuke Nakamura, though Zayn is the odd man out here. Bryan and Gulak do the YES chants again, though a bit more ironically this time. Nakamura and Bryan start things off as Sami sits in on commentary. Bryan cranks on the arm and it’s quickly off to Gulak, who gets taken into the corner. That’s broken up and the tag brings Bryan back in.

Nakamura gets sent to the floor for the suicide dive but Cesaro catches Bryan with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker as we take a break. Back with Bryan in trouble in the corner, including Nakamura hitting his sliding German suplex. Bryan gets away and makes the tag off to Gulak, who is caught with a quick powerslam from Cesaro. A clothesline drops Nakamura but there is no Bryan to tag. Bryan pops up though and the tag brings him back in with a top rope sunset flip. Gulak cuts Nakamura off as Bryan pins Nakamura at 10:02.

Rating: C. Gulak has gotten a ton out of this run with Bryan and while I’m not sure what he can do on his own, it’s certainly better than nothing. They’re a good technical team and that’s something that will always have a place. Gulak is one of the many talented people they have on the roster so throw him out there and see what he can do. What do you have to lose?

Post break, Bryan and Gulak are stretching after their match when the Collective comes in to say Gulak is holding Bryan back. When is Bryan going to start listening to Sami instead of this loser? Bryan challenges Sami to an Intercontinental Title match at Wrestlemania but Sami says put your faith in Gulak. If Gulak can beat Nakamura, next week, Bryan can have his title shot at Wrestlemania. Bryan instantly accepts, though Gulak looks a little unsure.

Paige joins us via Skype but Bayley and Sasha Banks cut her off in a hurry. Bayley mocks the accent but Paige talks about how hard it is to truly represent the women’s division. It takes courage to do that and the two of them just don’t have it. Bayley calls Paige out for not being able to wrestle so Paige says she’s Bad Bayley now. It breaks Paige’s heart that she can’t do this anymore but it’s Wrestlemania season.

She spoke to FOX and gets to announce Bayley’s Wrestlemania match right now, so Bayley is going to be defending against Lacey Evans and Dana Brooke. Bayley: “You want to throw Tamina in there?” Paige does indeed throw Tamina in there and adds Naomi for a bonus. Sasha: “You b****!” Paige still isn’t done though and adds Sasha Banks as the fifth challenger. Bayley and Sasha aren’t sure about this one.

Video on John Cena vs. Bray Wyatt.

From Wrestlemania XXX:

Bray Wyatt vs. John Cena

Marc Crozer plays Bray to the ring in an eerie live performance with barrels of fire, a scrap metal altar and a voodoo dancer. Harper and Rowan are out with Bray as well. No big entrance for Cena this year but he wasn’t topping Wyatts’ anyway. Bray drops to his knees and offers Cena a free shot to become the monster. Bray: “FINISH ME! FINISH ME!” Cena stands in the corner and says bring it on as Lawler asks JBL what just happened. Bray shrugs off a headlock and stomps Cena down. Bray: “THIS IS THE ONE YOU CALL HERO???”

Cena explodes out of the corner with clothesline he often explodes out of the corner with and Wyatt’s head is somewhere over Texas. Harper and Rowan get on the apron but Bray orders them down. Cena is starting to get frustrated as Bray eggs the crowd on, causing Cena to choke him in the corner. A running boot to the face drops Bray again and Cena is still conflicted. What he’s conflicted over isn’t clear but I guess it’s over Bray’s mind games.

Bray’s suplex slam (always looks cool) drops Cena and Bray puts on a sleeper to go a bit more conventional. Cena fights back with his usual and gets the expected reaction, only to have Bray bridge up like a spider to break up the Shuffle (Fans: “THAT WAS CREEPY!”). A Rowan distraction lets Bray get in a release Rock Bottom for two. Cena gets the same off a tornado DDT and is looking more and more tentative.

The top rope Fameasser is countered with a powerbomb and Bray has a terrifying look on his face during the near fall. Cena’s AA attempt doesn’t work and Bray grabs a gutbuster. A DDT onto the apron makes the fans sing Bray’s song of “He’s Got the Whole World in His Hands”. Cena breaks up a superplex attempt but dives onto Harper and Rowan instead of Bray. Well that’s not very nice of him.

Bray uses the distraction to send him into the steps, which makes Bray declare that he’s figure it out now. With nothing else to do, Bray grabs the steps but Cena takes them away. He can’t turn to the dark side though as the announcers think Cena is trying to not gets sucked into Bray’s confusion. It’s so comforting knowing that they’ve figured that out. Back in and Bray misses his backsplash, setting up the AA for two. Why is anyone surprised by that kickout?

Rowan offers a distraction so Harper can deck Cena, earning him a spear through the timekeeper’s area. Back in and Sister Abigail gets two, meaning it’s time for Bray to be all freaked out. Bray goes outside and gets a chair, again offering Cena a free shot. John thinks about it this time but hits Rowan instead (how is that really any different?). Another Sister Abigail is broken up and another AA puts Wyatt away at 22:31.

Rating: B-. We’ll go with weird on this one, along with REALLY? After months of Bray getting beaten up, he just loses to an AA with none of the whole legacy thing going anywhere? Even after watching this again, I’m not sure I get what was going on. So Bray just wanted him to cheat to win instead of fighting through?

The whole story breaks down to “Cena should turn heel?” Ok, fine, but don’t have Bray lose in his first major match like this. Bray has still yet to recover from this over a year and a half later and odds are he’ll never get back to where he was then. Bray would win the rematch but lose the trilogy which didn’t do him any good. The other note here would be the start of Cena trending towards the midcard. Save for taking the title due to an injury to the champ, Cena would stay away from the main event scene for the most part. That’s a major change and probably the start of him winding up his career.

We look back at Bray vs. Cena promo from last week.

We look at Asuka costing Alexa Bliss and Nikki Cross a match last week.

Bliss and Cross don’t like what Asuka did because Bliss has done the same thing but better. Bliss has nothing to do next week so Asuka can come face her. Asuka can even come through the front door.

Here are Miz and John Morrison for the Dirt Sheet. They feel like they’re missing something, though it might be the lack of fans doing their chant. Therefore, they do the chant themselves for a bit before saying they need Wrestlemania challengers. They’ve beaten everyone though and that means it’s time to poll the audience. Cue….Miz and Morrison as New Day in the seats, complete with Morrison in a unicorn costume. Then it’s Miz and Morrison as the Usos interrupting to say they deserve the shot.

Now it’s Miz and Morrison as Heavy Machinery, dressed as bacon. They point out how stupid the New Day’s entrance is and the Usos think Heavy Machinery is dressed as ham. Miz, as Tucker, doesn’t understand why no one takes them seriously. Regular Miz: “Wow! That ham is mad!” This brings out the real Heavy Machinery, with Miz and Morrison looking shocked. Maybe they should have read the WWE.com preview where this match was announced. It was a funny segment, but it would have been better off as a WWE.com video.

Miz/John Morrison vs. Heavy Machinery

Non-title and joined in progress with Otis shoving Morrison down but getting kicked in the head for his efforts. Morrison tries a springboard but has to roll through, allowing Otis to shrug off a crossbody. Otis loads up a superplex and hands it off to Tucker (Knight according to Cole), making them the third team I’ve seen do that spot this week. Miz comes in and it’s the Bushwhacker strut into the double stomach shot to Miz’s head.

Tucker hits a running flip dive off the apron to both champs and we slow way down in a hurry. A cheap shot takes Tucker down though, allowing Miz to stop dancing and dropkick him through the ropes. The chinlock goes on but Tucker fights up, only to have Dolph Ziggler come out for a distraction. Back from a break with Ziggler on commentary and Tucker slamming both of them down at once. The circle of lights glitch means we can’t see Otis getting the hot tag as everything breaks down.

The Caterpillar is loaded up but Ziggler grabs the mic to show Otis some photos of himself with Mandy Rose over the week. Miz and Morrison have to save Ziggler so Otis beats both of them up, including sending the two of them into the post. A double shoulder sends Miz and Morrison through the barricade and Otis grabs a chair. Tucker has to calm him down because the match is still going on (somehow), only to have Otis chair Miz for the DQ at 14:35.

Rating: C. The match was fine enough until Ziggler got involved, because he takes away from everything he’s doing. Monster Otis snapping is a good sign for the story, but not so much for Tucker as the second Otis becomes a singles guy, Tucker is going to be lucky to make Main Event. Granted I still have little confidence in Otis beating Ziggler, but it’s nice to see someone getting a push even for a bit.

Next week: Bliss vs. Asuka, Nakamura vs. Gulak, a new Firefly Fun House and New Day vs. Usos in a #1 contenders match.

Here are Roman Reigns and Goldberg to sign the Wrestlemania contract. Cole recaps the events setting up the match and asks Reigns why he challenged Goldberg. Reigns says the greats have challenged him and they’ve all lost, so Goldberg will be the same. Cole brings up a tweet from January when Reigns said it was stupid to headbutt a locker before a match. Reigns says that’s stupid and he took a shot because it made sense. He’s taking the title at Wrestlemania and signs.

Goldberg says he’s been headbutting doors around the world for years and he’ll beat Reigns at Wrestlemania. The contract is signed and the table is turned over, meaning the staredown can end the show. That tweet made this feel less intense and I don’t really buy that these two don’t like each other. Not that it matters though as Reigns is likely holding up the title to end Wrestlemania anyway.

Overall Rating: C. This was way, way more entertaining than last week’s show or this week’s Raw as it seems that they’re actually learning a bit about how to do these things. Obvious issues aside, this felt a lot more like a regular show than last week with the matches getting some time and stories being advanced. They could get by doing this and while there are still a lot of adjustments to be made, this was a step in the right direction.

Results

Daniel Bryan/Drew Gulak b. Artist Collective – Top rope sunset flip to Nakamura

Miz/John Morrison b. Heavy Machinery via DQ when Otis used a chair

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6