Royal Rumble 2003
Date: January 19, 2003
Location: Fleet Center, Boston, Massachusetts
Attendance: 15,338
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz, Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

This is a really odd entry in the series as the namesake match is being treated as secondary to almost everything else. Really, coming into this show, there’s a good argument to be made that Torrie Wilson vs. Dawn Marie is being treated as a bigger deal than the Rumble itself. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is your standard montage of wrestlers talking about what it means to go to Wrestlemania because the road starts tonight.

Big Show vs. Brock Lesnar

The winner is in the Rumble and the loser is out in the cold. They do the customary exchange of shoves to start with the fans almost entirely behind Lesnar. Brock drives him into the corner to little avail but the belly to belly works a bit better. A second works just as well but the third is countered with a scary toss over the top. Back in and we hit the choke, which you can tell is serious because Cole starts talking about Show’s shoe size.

Brock comes right back with the release German suplex but Heyman offers a distraction to break things up. A big boot and side slam drop Lesnar for all of ten seconds before he’s back up with an other belly to belly. Cue Heyman but he gets caught in an F5 attempt, only to have Show make the save with a chokeslam for two. A second attempt is countered into a sloppy F5 to send Lesnar to the Rumble.

Rating: D+. It was short (less than seven minutes) and had the only possible ending (it’s not like there are many other potential Rumble winners) so it’s hard to complain that much. The F5 didn’t look great but it was how the match should have ended. This probably needs to be about it for Big Show as a main event guy but you know that’s not going to be the case, which is part of the problem on Smackdown.

Chris Jericho is ready to win the Rumble and gets his World Title back at Wrestlemania.

Raw Tag Team Titles: Dudley Boyz vs. William Regal/Lance Storm

Regal and Storm are defending. Bubba punches Storm in the corner to start and hits something like a spinebuster. To really mix things up, Bubba grabs a leglock for a few seconds before handing it off to D-Von. Regal comes in and gets punched as well as this isn’t exactly shaking the feeling that it’s a glorified Raw match. The champs take over on D-Von with Storm drop toeholding him down into a sliding knee from Regal (nice spot).

We hit the cravate for a bit and a chinlock keeps D-Von in trouble. That doesn’t last long either though as D-Von fights up and makes the hot tag to Bubba for the house cleaning. Regal takes What’s Up but here’s Chief Morely for a distraction to prevent the 3D. It doesn’t quite work so well though as D-Von uses the distraction to grab Regal’s brass knuckles and knock Storm silly for the pin and the titles. Lawler: “I’m as confused as a baby in a topless bar.” He’s confused enough to refer to Regal as Steve.

Rating: C-. This was just a Raw match with a title change and considering Booker T. and Goldust never even got a rematch after losing the titles, I have no idea what the thinking here is. Were Booker and Goldust really that bad of a team? I know it’s a sin to get over without the company swearing off on it but it’s some of the oddest booking of the year.

House show ads. They didn’t edit this off the Network? I like having the complete versions but it’s a strange choice to keep in.

Nathan Jones vignette.

We get a long recap of the Al Wilson Saga, which still doesn’t make much sense and went on WAY too long if this is their big idea. Basically Dawn Marie decided she wanted to destroy Torrie Wilson’s life (I think?) by marrying Torrie’s father. She eventually went through with it but had so much, ahem, fun with Al on their honeymoon that he died.

Dawn blames Torrie for this and the match is on, even though it was booked before Al died. If this was all some big con by Dawn, what does she get out of it? Getting a match with Torrie? She seems upset and we haven’t gotten any scene of Dawn saying it was all made up so I guess we’re supposed to take it at face value. I know I harp on this a lot but I still don’t get how this was supposed to work.

Dawn Marie vs. Torrie Wilson

Dawn is in regular ring gear and a black veil, which makes her look more like Jimmy Jack Funk (from the neck up) than anything else. Dawn elbows her in the face at the bell but Torrie takes her down as well as these two are going to be able to do. Torrie gets caught in a Fujiwara armbar as the announcers cover the story in detail. Well the recent part at least as basically everything after Armageddon has been forgotten at this point.

Dawn stays on the arm (that’ll teach Torrie for killing Dawn’s husband) and grabs a flapjack. They collide in a bad looking spot and the boring chants begin. Dawn actually hits a decent looking middle rope spinning clothesline, only to fall victim to that horrible swinging neckbreaker to give Torrie the pin.

Rating: F. Really, what else were you expecting here? The feud was as soap opera level as you’re going to have and the wrestlers are both models and little more. Somehow that’s about as much as you could have thought these two would do and hopefully it wraps up the story for good. I know it won’t but it would be nice.

Eric Bischoff and Stephanie McMahon run into each other in the back with Stephanie being smug about Eric’s thirty days to fix Raw deal. Eric asks if her job is safe too but she doesn’t seem worried, partially because she has her own surprise for Raw. As with most cases of both GM’s on screen at once, this was a big waste of time.

Sean O’Haire tells us not to go to church.

We recap Scott Steiner vs. HHH. Steiner showed up in November and was immediately shoved into the title picture but hasn’t actually had a match yet. Instead it’s been stuff like a posedown, a bench press contest (which didn’t happen), arm wrestling and a pushup contest. The idea is that Steiner can do everything HHH can and might also be completely insane. The fact that they’ve barely been allowed to get physical should be a bit worrisome but HHH wouldn’t let us down.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. Scott Steiner

Steiner is challenging and HHH is in the ultra rare red trunks. Before the bell, Hebner holds up the title and insists that he’s the law around here no matter what. Steiner wins the early slugout and chops away in the corner, followed by the gorilla press to send HHH rolling to the floor. The champ’s back is sent into the post a few times and a hard Irish whip makes his back even worse.

We hit a Boston crab for a bit with HHH crawling to the ropes a few seconds later. That’s not very noteworthy, but Steiner falling over when the hold is broken isn’t the most encouraging sign. The facebuster is no sold and we hit a quickly broken bearhug. Steiner gets in the first belly to belly for two and Flair pulls him out to the floor.

Back in and Steiner charges into a boot to the face before being sent into the steps for good measure. HHH stomps and chokes in the corner with Flair adding choking of his own. Another neckbreaker gets two for the champ and you can see how winded Steiner already is. Flair chokes on the ropes again to fill in as much time as possible before Steiner reverses the Pedigree.

Scott catapults him into the buckle and grabs the second overhead suplex….before just collapsing next to the ropes. We’re not even nine minutes into the match and the guy can’t even stand up. Steiner picks him up for what looks like a Tombstone and you would think he was about to go into labor. HHH slips out and tries a Diamond Cutter but Steiner goes backwards with it like a regular neckbreaker. After all those years of working with Diamond Dallas Page he can’t take a standard face first bump?

You can hear the crowd losing their patience with this one. Flair plays cheerleader and the fans actually cheer for HHH, who may be boring but he’s at least looking competent here. The champ dives into another overhead suplex but Steiner still can’t follow up. Some Steiner Lines set up suplexes four, five and six, followed by a spinning version for two.

Steiner tries a tiger bomb and falls down, drawing straight up booing from the fans. The announcers are trying as hard as they can to make Steiner sound like a threat here and it’s going as badly as you would expect. HHH heads up top so it’s a superplex for two more. That’s enough to send HHH and Flair up the aisle but Steiner isn’t done yet and drags them back. As lame as an ending as that would be, it was the right call at this point.

A belt shot to HHH’s head draws some blood and they continue to stagger around ringside with no idea what to do. Another belly to belly (ninth suplex total) sends HHH outside again and they brawl into the crowd because THIS MATCH JUST CAN’T END. Back in again with Steiner doing the pushups and laboring through some right hands in the corner. Now Flair tries to get the referee to stop the match but the referee keeps going because he’s that kind of evil.

Steiner hates the match as much as everyone else does so he throws Hebner outside but THAT’S NOT A DQ EITHER. The tenth suplex gets two and you can see Steiner looking desperate. HHH gets in a low blow and rolls Steiner up for two. That’s FINALLY enough for HHH as he grabs sledgehammer and hits Scott in the ribs for the DQ, earning a chorus of boos that would make Roman Reigns proud.

Rating: N. For Not HHH’s Fault. For once, this can’t be blamed on HHH, who was just stuck in a horrible situation and couldn’t do anything with it. To be fair though, no one was going to be able to get anything passable out of this mess. Steiner wasn’t ready for this match and had no business going more than five minutes, let alone eighteen. The interesting thing here though is the first eight minutes ran more than well enough. It was a boring start but it was nowhere near a disaster or even really bad. The problem is the second half of the match where EVERYTHING falls apart.

You’ll hear a lot of comparisons between this Steiner and Brock Lesnar’s Suplex City but the key is in the delivery. Lesnar suplexes the heck out of people and then pops up to do it again. Steiner was suplexing HHH here and then taking twenty seconds to get to his feet out of pure exhaustion. When you can see wrestlers go twenty minutes without even breathing hard, there’s no excuse for a main eventer nearly passing out from exhaustion in the first ten minutes. There’s a reason this is remembered so horribly and it more than lives down to its reputation.

Post match Steiner hits him with the sledgehammer and grabs the Steiner Recliner. JR: “There’s no way out of this hold.” In other words, yes they’re actually doing a rematch. Bischoff eventually comes out and gets Steiner off of HHH as the fans are so apathetic towards any of this.

We recap Chris Benoit vs. Kurt Angle. Kurt won the title with help from his new agent Paul Heyman, who also represents Big Show. Benoit beat Show to become the new #1 contender and you know this is going to be a classic no matter what. That being said, there’s not much of a secret to the fact that they’re building towards Lesnar vs. Angle at this point. At least we can have an incredible match on the way there.

Smackdown World Title: Chris Benoit vs. Kurt Angle

Angle is defending. Benoit has to deal with Team Angle to start so that’s a double ejection. Chris tries a very quick Sharpshooter (which Tazz calls a Boston crab for some reason), sending Angle outside for a breather. Back in and another leg hold sends Angle to the ropes as it seems that they have a long time here.

Benoit easily wins a battle of the chops and gets two off a clothesline to the back of the head. A DDT onto the apron makes things even worse but Angle rolls away from the Swan Dive. The Angle Slam is reversed though and we hit the Sharpshooter. Angle grabs the ropes as well as a belly to belly (after that last match, I’m surprised those weren’t banned like bar stools on Frasier) to really take over for the first time.

We hit the chinlock with a bodyscissors on Benoit for a bit before a double clothesline puts both guys down. Back up and they trade German suplexes with Benoit getting the better of it. Chris takes too long going up top though and Angle runs the corner for the belly to belly superplex. The Crossface goes on a few seconds later with Benoit switching to the ankle lock (that’s like a Bingo space in an Angle match).

Kurt’s ankle lock is reversed into the Crossface which is reversed into a rollup which is reversed right back into the Crossface. Angle gets to his feet for an Angle Slam but there’s no cover. There go the straps though and it’s back to the ankle lock. Benoit gets two off a rollup as the announcers are losing their minds (rightfully so).

Kurt is sick of this submission stuff and tries a German suplex, only to have Benoit reverse into a release version, drawing quite the round of applause. With Angle three quarters of the way across the ring, Benoit hits the best looking Swan Dive I’ve ever seen for a delayed two. Angle grabs a powerbomb but drops Benoit face first onto the buckle, followed by another Slam for two.

We’re right back to the Crossface but Angle rolls through into the ankle lock which can’t be reversed this time. Benoit kicks him away instead, only to get caught in the ankle lock again. Chris tries to pull him into the Crossface but Angle holds on and gets the grapevine to FINALLY make Benoit tap because he was beaten and he knew it.

Rating: A+. I’ve seen this match several times now and I’m still exhausted just watching it. These guys were beating the heck out of each other with everything looking anywhere from great to unbelievable (that Swan Dive in particular). This was outstanding stuff and one of the best wrestling matches I’ve ever seen. There’s also a bit of a HHH vs. Cactus Jack vibe to it with Angle being backed into a corner and having to fight, only to prove that he is indeed the better man, at least on this night. Check this out if you haven’t seen it in awhile, or just because it’s worth seeing multiple times.

After an Anthology ad, Benoit gets the big standing ovation, which probably should have sent him to a World Title shot (at least) at Wrestlemania. Instead it was a spot in a three way for the Tag Team Titles because that’s how WWE worked in 2003.

Rob Van Dam and Kane agree that it’s every man for himself tonight.

Royal Rumble

90 second intervals (though Fink says two minutes) with Shawn Michaels at #1 and Chris Jericho at #2. If nothing else, at least Shawn is starting to look like a wrestler again instead of the tiny thing he was back at Survivor Series. Actually hang on a second as it’s Christian in Jericho’s clothes instead of Chris himself. Cue Jericho from underneath the ring to hit Shawn low. One heck of a beatdown ensues with Jericho busting Shawn open with a chair as Christopher Nowinski is in at #3. He’s willing to stay on the floor while Jericho beats on Shawn some more and easily eliminates him.

Nowinski is still on the floor as Rey Mysterio is in at #4. Rey tries to speed things up and slips out of a gorilla press, only to get punched out to the apron. As usual, Jericho celebrates early and gets dropkicked into the ropes. Nowinski FINALLY gets in and it’s Edge in at #5. Outside of Nowinski, that’s quite the first four. Spears abound as Rey gets back into it and Nowinski is sent outside but not eliminated.

Jericho is sent into the post and through the ropes to the floor. Rey and Edge shake hands and go at it with Rey hitting the 619 but he gets powerbombed to put both guys down. It’s Christian in at #6 with an offer to reform the team with Edge. That earns him a spear but here’s Nowinski to throw Edge and Mysterio to the apron. Chavo Guerrero is in at #7 as the Smackdown is strong with this Rumble.

Rey and Chavo do a quick lucha sequence with the 619 setting up a springboard seated senton. Christian eats a 619 of his own, followed by a hurricanrana to get rid of Nowinski. Jericho comes back in for a hard clothesline to get rid of Mysterio and here’s Tajiri in at #8. Things settle down a bit with Chavo choking Jericho in the corner and Tajiri not being able to eliminate Christian.

Bill DeMott is in at #9 and attacks various people in short order. The fans aren’t exactly thrilled here as we’re waiting on the big name to clean out some of these names. Tommy Dreamer is in at #10 to give us Dreamer, Jericho, Edge, Christian, Chavo, Tajiri and DeMott. Dreamer brings weapons with him and Edge knocks DeMott out with a kendo stick. Jericho and Christian hit a con-trashcanlid-o on Dreamer and get rid of him without much effort. Tajiri takes them both down with a handspring elbow but the Tarantula is easily broken up, allowing Jericho to get rid of him.

B2, still with the Cena entrance theme, is in at #11…and Edge gets rid of him in less than thirty seconds. Chavo is speared out next, followed by a bloody Jericho (from a Dreamer kendo stick shot) dumping Edge and Christian to leave himself all alone. Rob Van Dam is in at #12 because Edge/Van Dam vs. Christian/Jericho was out of the question for some reason. A superkick has Jericho in trouble and he’s catapulted all the way to the apron. Matt Hardy, who strongly dislikes mustard, is in at #13 and drops Rob with a Side Effect.

Van Dam gets double teamed for a bit until he flips over Jericho and kicks Matt in the face for good measure. The Five Star hits Jericho and it’s Eddie Guerrero in at #14. We get a rehash of Eddie vs. Van Dam from last year until Matt helps Eddie set up an ugly frog splash. That earns Eddie a Twist of Fate (Eddie is smarter than that) and it’s Jeff Hardy in at #15.

Jeff doesn’t buy the reunion idea either (like anyone would buy a Hardys reunion in 2003 or beyond) and beats Matt up, only to have Shannon Moore dive onto Matt to save him from a Swanton. That’s fine with Jeff so he crushes both of them as Rosey is in at #16. Matt gets backdropped to the apron as the eliminations have slowed WAY down. Test is in at #17 and gets to clean house a bit without eliminating anyone. You know, because Rosey needs to stick around.

A rapping John Cena is in at #18 giving reasons why he’s going to win this. The camera stays on him and for once it’s not the biggest problem as nothing is going on in the ring. Van Dam beats him up on the floor (maybe for wrestling in jeans instead of jean shorts for a change) and it’s Charlie Haas in at #19. Where are Lesnar and Undertaker to clear these people out? Jeff tries to run up the corner so Rob eliminates him, still leaving us with far too many people.

Rikishi is in at #20, giving us Rikishi, Jericho, Rob Van Dam, Matt Hardy, Eddie Guerrero, Rosey, Test, Cena and Haas. Rosey and Rikishi have a weird family reunion as Shannon comes in to protect Matt. That just earns him a double Stinkface, or at least it would have if Rosey hadn’t clotheslined Rikishi instead. Jamal is in at #21 to superkick Rikishi, who pops right back up with a Stinkface for his…..brother I believe.

Kane is in at #22 to clean house but he brings Rico in with a chokeslam to fill the ring up even more. Rosey is tossed in a hurry and it’s a double chokeslam for Matt and Shannon. Shelton Benjamin is in at #23 as the ring is WAY too full with eleven people in there, plus Shannon and Rico at various times. They all fight near the ropes and it’s Booker T. in at #24. We go to a weird closeup for an ax kick on Kane and there’s the Spinarooni. Eddie gets backdropped out and it’s A-Train in at #25.

A good looking A-Train Bomb (chokebomb) plants Cena and another one hits Van Dam but Rikishi superkicks A-Train in the face. Jericho is sent to the apron AGAIN but here’s a bandaged Shawn to go after Jericho, allowing Test to knock him out. Shawn stays on Jericho and that’s a Wrestlemania match. Maven is in at #26 (because this match needed two Tough Enough names) and goes after Kane as things slow down again. Goldust is in at #27 and doesn’t even last a minute before Team Angle puts him out. They do the same to Booker T. a few seconds later, making sure that the Booker T./Goldust team is swiftly beaten again.

Batista is in at #28 and gets rid of Test (after EIGHTEEN MINUTES, or longer than Edge and Mysterio combined) and Rikishi. Brock Lesnar is in at #29 and becomes the most obvious winner since….well last year with HHH actually. He wastes no time in getting rid of Team Angle before throwing Matt onto both of them. Now that’s how you clear out some bodies. Undertaker is in at #30 to give us a final group of Undertaker, Van Dam, Cena, Jamal, Kane, A-Train, Maven, Batista and Lesnar. Not the worst field actually.

Undertaker dumps Cena (Which could have set up a heck of a Wrestlemania match today but we wanted a reality show moment instead. Yes you did want that and Kevin Dunn told me so.) and Jamal (Why was he still there?) before Maven hits the same dropkick as last year. This time there’s no effect though, making Maven’s celebration a bit amusing.

After Maven is launched out, A-Train hits the A-Train Bomb on Undertaker. Van Dam and Kane get rid of A-Train and we’re down to five. Kane loads up Rob in a gorilla press….and throws him out in a smart move (not a heel turn). Batista and Kane are put down with a double clothesline and it’s time for Lesnar vs. Undertaker.

That’s broken up before anything can happen though and the Brothers of Destruction start taking over. Brock takes care of Batista and Kane so we can have the Undertaker showdown. The F5 is countered and Brock takes a Tombstone, followed by Undertaker dumping Batista and Kane. Batista comes back in and eats a chair shot, leaving Brock to eliminate Undertaker for the win.

Rating: B. There was a REALLY bad dead spot in the middle and some of the choices were all over the place (Test, Jamal and Rikishi all getting over fourteen minutes while Los Guerreros, Edge and Mysterio were all afterthoughts) but the ending was the right call. The final four wasn’t a bad group at all and having Lesnar dump Undertaker to win is as good a move as they could have made.

There was VERY little build to this match and they did well enough with it while they could. It’s not a terrible Rumble but there are many better options. Fix the middle part and get rid of people at a faster clip and it’s a great one, but as it is it’s just pretty good. Then again, for this year that’s quite the compliment.

The big problem here though is how weak the midcard and lower card is. Maybe it’s just the way some of them were booked but aside from Lesnar, Undertaker and MAYBE Jericho, was anyone a real threat to win here? Having an obvious winner is fine but it would be nice to build up someone else as a possible winner.

Overall Rating: B-. The World Title matches cancel each other out and thankfully the Rumble is there to make up for a nothing lower card. Lesnar winning was the obvious ending here and that left the rest of the show to really carry things. Angle vs. Benoit is must see and Steiner vs. HHH may be as well if you’re into unintentional comedy. The rest of the show though…..egads there’s nothing to see there. It’s a perfectly good show but the problems are very big and the Rumble isn’t good enough to make it a classic.

Ratings Comparison

Big Show vs. Brock Lesnar

Original: D

2013 Redo: C+

2017 Redo: D+

Dudley Boyz vs. William Regal/Lance Storm

Original: C

2013 Redo: D

2017 Redo: C-

Dawn Marie vs. Torrie Wilson

Original: DD

2013 Redo: D-

2017 Redo: F

Scott Steiner vs. HHH

Original: G-

2013 Redo: H (For HHH)

2017 Redo: N (For Not HHH’s Fault)

Chris Benoit vs. Kurt Angle

Original: A+

2013 Redo: A+

2017 Redo: A+

Royal Rumble

Original: B

2013 Redo: B-

2017 Redo: B

Overall Rating

Original: B-

2013 Redo: C-

2017 Redo: B-

This is a rare instance where the original is much closer to the new ratings than the first redo. Maybe I was in a bad mood that day?

You can read the original review here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/22/royal-rumble-count-up-2003-best-match-ever/

And the 2013 redo here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2013/01/16/royal-rumble-count-up-2013-redo-2003-best-of-both-worlds-and-a-boring-rumble/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Histories of Saturday Night’s Main Event and Clash of the Champions, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/05/19/history-of-saturday-nights-main-event-and-clash-of-the-champions-now-in-paperback-plus-price-drops/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Royal Rumble 2001
Date: January 21, 2001
Location: New Orleans Arena, New Orleans, Louisiana
Attendance: 16,056
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s been a bit since I’ve looked at this one and it’s still one of the more fondly remembered Rumbles. The WWF is on fire at the moment and the big story is the return of Steve Austin, who wants the WWF Title back. Said title is currently help by Kurt Angle, who is defending against HHH. Let’s get to it.

The opening video focuses on how this could be several people’s only chance to be WWF Champion. People like Albert! Billy Gunn! The Rock! Undertaker! The Rock and Undertaker again!

Tag Team Titles: Dudley Boyz vs. Edge and Christian

Edge and Christian are defending and the Dudleys are getting over concussions (because you could just wrestle with them back in the day). The Dudleys start fast, not even waiting for the recap video to end. They fight to the floor for a bit with the Dudleys keeping them in trouble. Back in and D-Von slugs away at Edge, followed by a neckbreaker.

Christian comes in and gets double shouldered for two as commentary talks about the. I Dudleys’ concussions (which don’t seem to be bothering them). A headscissors out of the corner puts Bubba down and he grabs his head, even as he takes Christian into the corner. D-Von comes in but gets Russian legsweeped and neckbreakered for a pair of two’s.

The chinlock goes on and Bubba gets to play cheerleader (which is quite the disturbing visual). Naturally the fans want tables as D-Von counters out of a piledriver and catapults Edge into Christian. A double clothesline leaves everyone but Bubba down, meaning it’s a tag…which the referee doesn’t see.

Bubba argues with the referee, leaving D-Von to have to duck a Conchairto attempt. Another clothesline is enough to bring Bubba back in to clean house, including a Bubba Bomb to send Christian outside. There’s What’s Up to Edge so naturally it’s table time. Christian breaks it up but Bubba rolls Edge up for two. The 3D is broken up as well, with Edge’s spear getting two on Bubba. Edge tries his own What’s Up but a quick reversal means it hits Christian. The 3D gives us new champions at 10:04.

Rating: B-. This is one of those pairings that is virtually impossible to screw up and they seem to understand that concept. You could run these teams and the Hardys for pretty much ever and the WWF did just that to some great success. This wasn’t even a great match, but it was more than entertaining enough to start the show off and keep the fans interested. The title change to cap it off made things even better so nice job early on.

During Heat, Drew Carey arrived. I’m sure that won’t go anywhere.

Earlier tonight, Vince McMahon clarified that Steve Austin will be in the Royal Rumble tonight despite getting in a fight with HHH, which violated an agreement. Kurt Angle caused the fight though and therefore everything is still on. This was more to clarify some confusion and that’s a good thing.

HHH and Stephanie McMahon are in their locker room, with HHH saying that he needs her to put her hatred for Trish Stratus aside during the title match aside. Stephanie says if Trish puts her nose….or anything else in their way, she’ll deal with her. Drew Carey comes in, says he hasn’t been watching much lately, and talks about running into Kamala at the airport. HHH tries to shoo him away, so Drew plugs his upcoming comedy pay per view and goes to find Vince McMahon. Stephanie offers to take him to meet Trish Stratus. This was prime Stephanie “NO ONE TALKS LIKE THIS AND YOU’RE NOT SCARY”.

The APA show each other their Rumble numbers and think it’ll be interesting. Crash Holly comes in and says they may be friends but he’ll eliminate them if he has to. Bradshaw: “And they call us drunks.”

We recap Chris Jericho vs. Chris Benoit in a ladder match for the Intercontinental Title. They’ve been feuding for a good while so it’s time for the big blowoff match. This isn’t a feud that needs that much of of a story and WWE seems to get that.

Intercontinental Title: Chris Benoit vs. Chris Jericho

Benoit is defending in a ladder match. They go right after it to start with Jericho elbowing him down. Jericho stomps away in the corner but has to block a Crossface attempt. Benoit sends him into the post but Jericho knocks him to the apron. The triangle dropkick misses and they fall out to the floor so let’s go for the ladder. Jericho’s baseball slide misses the ladder so Benoit sends him hard into the steps.

It’s way too early for Benoit to go up so Jericho cuts him off without much trouble. A running ladder shot to the face drops Benoit and Jericho puts the ladder over the top rope. Benoit reverses a whip to send Jericho into the ladder and out to the floor, only to have the dive cut off with a chair to the head (that was nasty). Jericho misses a ladder shot so Benoit chairs him down and we’ll go outside, complete with the ladder.

They go into the corner, where Jericho kind of Russian legsweeps him from the middle rope and down with the ladder for another crash. Benoit is up first and puts the ladder on the top, with Jericho sending him face first. That’s not enough as it’s a slingshot with the ladder to send it into Benoit’s face again. Jericho starts going up but Benoit suplexes him over the top and out to the floor for another nasty landing.

Now it’s Benoit going up, but Jericho is back in and grabs the Walls on top of the ladder in one of the most creatively awesome spots I’ve ever seen. Somehow that’s not enough as Benoit crashes down but pops up to shove the ladder down again. The Crossface makes Jericho tap, so Benoit goes up.

The Swan Dive from the top of the ladder misses though, allowing Jericho to put the ladder on top of him. Benoit powers out of that as well and Jericho crashes out to the floor again. Another climb is cut off by some Jericho chair shots and another shove sends Benoit crashing out to the floor. Jericho finally pulls down the title at 18:45.

Rating: A. There are different ways to resent a ladder match and this one was designed around two guys beating the living daylights out of each other. That worked to a charm, as this was one of the most violent matches you will see without going totally over the top. It’s still an incredible match with two guys hurting each other for a long time with some nasty looking crashes and spots. Awesome match and well worth what should be another look.

Drew Carey meets Trish Stratus and hits on her a bit but Vince McMahon comes in. More pay per view plugging ensues until Vince puts him in the Royal Rumble. Carey is in.

Billy Gunn tries to talk Chyna (with her bad neck) out of a match but Chyna is having none of it.

Chris Jericho says he proved Chris Benoit wrong.

We recap the Women’s Title match, as Ivory (of Right To Censor) is not happy with Chyna, who is out for revenge after Right To Censor attacked her. Chyna has a bad neck coming in but just wants to wreck Ivory anyway.

Women’s Title: Chyna vs. Ivory

Chyna is challenging and jumps her to start, with Ivory being thrown down by the hair. The forearms in the corner have Ivory down and a heck of a right hand knocks her off the top. The beating goes into the crowd before Chyna takes her back inside. Hold on though as Chyna has to beat up Steven Richards as well before hitting a handspring elbow….and down she goes. Ivory crawls over and gets the pin at 3:32.

Rating: C. This was more an extended angle than a match as the whole point was Chyna getting hurt again. Ivory didn’t get in a single shot, save for maybe some ineffective punches, and then they did the angle to end it. There is only so much you can do with Chyna in the women’s division and that was on display here, as Chyna was a wrecking ball against the champion.

Post match Chyna is stretchered out.

Stephanie McMahon runs into Trish Stratus in the hair and makeup room and things get catty over their relationships.

Drew Carey is given some gear and runs into Kane. He’s not impressed.

Low Down (egads) is told their Royal Rumble spot is being given to Drew Carey.

Fans at WWF New York give their picks for HHH vs. Kurt Angle.

We recap HHH challenging Kurt Angle for the WWF Title. HHH wants the title but there is still the whole Kurt Loves Stephanie deal, though that peaked a few months back. Since Kurt can’t have a McMahon with him, he’s settling for Trish Stratus, which has Stephanie furious (Trish having an affair with Vince McMahon doesn’t help).

WWF Title: Kurt Angle vs. HHH

Angle, with Trish Stratus (equaled out by Stephanie McMahon), is defending. HHH cranks on the arm to start before hitting a running shoulder. Back up and Angle hiptosses him down so we need a breather on the floor. That doesn’t last long as HHH is back in with some rather hard right hands. Angle goes to the arm as well and cranks away as this is starting a big more slowly than I would have expected.

Some suplexes have HHH in more trouble but they go back outside for some whips into the barricade (that’s more like it). Back in and HHH drop toeholds him down, setting up the Indian deathlock. With that broken up, Angle enziguris his way to freedom as Lawler talks about Andy Kaufman. HHH kicks away at the leg in the corner and wraps it around the post, with a Stephanie distraction allowing HHH to get in a chair shot.

Back in and some chop blocks have Angle in even more trouble, setting up the full on Indian Deathlock. With that broken up, HHH switches to the Figure Four to stay on the knee. Trish tries to interfere so the catfight with Stephanie is on. They go over the announcers’ table and can’t be separated, even by Vince McMahon. Vince finally picks Trish up and carries her off but Stephanie breaks that up as well.

With the three of them gone, HHH goes back to the bad knee as the match remembers it is happening. Angle kicks HHH away and into the post, setting up a DDT for two. A German suplex gives Angle two more so he heads up, only to get kind of Razor’s Edged down for three straight near falls. Back up and Angle runs him over, setting up the moonsault (which connects) for two.

The referee gets bumped so they go outside, with Angle being sent into the post. Back in and HHH goes up for some reason, allowing Angle to run the ropes for a super armdrag. There’s no referee so the fight heads back outside, this time with HHH sending Angle into the referee into the steps. Back in and Angle counters a belt shot into a belly to belly but HHH grabs the Pedigree. Cue Steve Austin (HHH recently cost him the title) to jump HHH though, including a belt shot to the face and the Stunner to give Angle the retaining pin at 24:21.

Rating: B-. It’s a good brawl and they worked well together but my goodness there was a lot going on here, with the match needing to be about five minutes shorter. Austin costing HHH the title doesn’t so much hurt Angle, who already feels like he is playing with the house’s money, but rather keeps the title on someone who is showing he can hang at this level. Good stuff here, but cut it down a few minutes and it’s a better match.

The Rock talks about how this is the biggest Royal Rumble of all time and says it doesn’t matter if the Undertaker and Kane are together. After referencing nipple tickling, Rock says it could come down to himself and Bull Buchanan, Perry Saturn, or even….Steve Austin. Either way, he’s going to Wrestlemania. Why his music plays after a promo isn’t clear.

Video on the Royal Ruble, with a look at most of the people involved.

Royal Rumble

Two minute intervals and it’s Jeff Hardy in at #1 and Bull Buchanan in at #2. Buchanan starts fast and slugs away but can’t press slam Jeff out. Instead Jeff puts him on top but can’t get him out either, putting them at about even so far. Choking on the ropes ensues until Matt Hardy is in at #3, because tag teams have a tendency to start the Rumble together. A double clothesline quickly gets rid of Buchanan so the Hardys bump fists and then go with some grappling. Matt can’t get rid of Jeff but Jeff can’t get rid of Matt until Faarooq is in at #4.

The Hardys are dropped with a double clothesline and Jeff is sent to the apron, where he cuts off the Dominator to Matt. The Twist of Fate into the Swanton is enough to get rid of Faarooq and it’s time for the Hardys to fight again. Naturally this means the shirts come off (yes, the women in the audience approve) before they can slug it out. Jeff nails a Whisper in the Wind and it’s Drew Carey in at #5.

The Hardys keep fighting and go to the corner, while Carey slowly gets inside. Matt and Jeff eliminate each other, leaving commentary to realize that Carey is currently the last man standing. Then Kane is in at #6 (JR: “Oh my God oh my God oh my God.”) and Carey immediately starts asking for the Hardys to get back in. Kane slowly walks around the ring to kill some time, allowing Carey time to offer him some money. That doesn’t work either as Kane grabs him by the throat, only to have Raven come in at #7 for the save, allowing Carey to wisely eliminate himself.

Raven gets knocked outside (not eliminated) where he manages a fire extinguisher shot to Kane. Cue Al Snow in at #8 (coming in before the clock even starts) to jump Raven, but then the clock counts down for him anyway. A bunch of weapons are thrown in, including Snow’s trusty bowling ball. Said ball is rolled between Raven’s legs before he and Snow start trash canning Kane. The drop toehold into the trashcan puts Kane down and it’s Perry Saturn in at #9.

Saturn gets….well not that smart actually by going after Kane’s knee. Kane gorilla presses Saturn but onto the mat for no logical reason. Everyone combines to go after Kane and finally get him down, which still doesn’t seem that bright. Steve Blackman is in at #10, giving us a group of Kane, Raven, Snow, Saturn and Blackman. With everyone else brawling, Blackman brings out his sticks to beat up everyone but Kane as the lack of brightness continues. Grandmaster Sexay is in at #11 but Kane has had this and quickly clears the ring.

Honky Tonk Man of all people is in at #12 and tells Kane to give him a minute. We start the song, until Kane grabs the guitar and smashes it over Honky Tonk Man’s head. That’s enough for the easy elimination and Kane is left alone….but the Rock is in at #13 to make things a lot more interesting. Rock hammers away and hits the running clothesline but Kane hits him in the face. Rock’s right hands are cut off by a big boot and Goodfather is in at #14.

That lasts all of three seconds before Rock punches Goodfather out, leaving Kane to hit a suplex. The side slam plants Rock and Tazz is in at #15, only to be tossed out in less than ten seconds. Rock gets in a Samoan drop and it’s Bradshaw in at #16. Bradshaw gets to hammer on both of them until Kane hits a double clothesline. Albert is in at #17, sending Lawler into a need for updates on Trish Stratus and Stephanie McMahon. Even Lawler can tell that JR is ignoring him as JBL saves Rock from Albert for no logical reason.

Hardcore Holly is in at #18 as Albert chokebombs Bradshaw. Holly and Bradshaw team up but can’t get rid of the Rock (the fans were interested though), leaving Alberto to drop Kane with a single boot to the face. K-Kwik (R-Truth) is in at #19 and my goodness it’s weird to hear him called a rookie. Albert still can’t get rid of Albert as Val Venis is in at #20. That gives us Kane, Rock, Bradshaw, Albert, Holly, Kwik and Venis, with Kane spinebustering Venis out of the corner. Brawling on the ropes ensues until William Regal is in at #21.

Venis can’t get rid of the Rock, but the tease of an elimination again brings quite the strong reaction. Test is in at #22 and gets rid of Regal without much trouble (and would take the European Title from him the next night on Raw) before going after Albert. With more brawling against the ropes not doing much, Big Show makes a surprise return at #23 and cleans house, getting rid of Test and Kwik before chokeslamming everyone but Rock.

Instead Rock kicks him low, hits some right hands, and clotheslines Show out. Show looked awesome there for about a minute and a half but then he was out. Hold on though as Show clears off the announcers’ table and pulls Rock to the floor for a chokeslam through said table. Crash Holly is in at #24 as a bunch of people can’t get rid of Kane. Undertaker is in at #25 and he quickly saves Kane from the big mob.

Everyone but Kane and Undertaker (and Rock on the floor) are quickly eliminated, leaving the monsters to stare at each other as JR is BEGGING them to fight each other. JR: “It started with brother vs. brother with the Hardys”. No JR, it didn’t. They stare at each other until Scotty 2 Hotty is in at #26 and, after waiting to get in, is quickly eliminated. Steve Austin is in at #27….or he would be as HHH jumps him from behind to even things up from earlier.

Rock gets back in to go after Kane but gets jumped by Undertaker. The bloody Austin is left laying in the aisle as Billy Gunn is in at #28 and goes after Undertaker and Kane to save Rock. Undertaker plants Rock as HHH finally leaves and it’s Haku (the reigning WCW Hardcore Champion but without a WCW contract) in at #29. Undertaker and Kane can only do so much with him as JR and Lawler get into a shouting match over whether Austin deserved to get jumped or not.

Rikishi is in at #30, giving us a final group of Kane, Rock, Undertaker, Austin (on the floor), Gunn, Haku and Rikishi, which is quite the up and down levels of main event talent. Austin manages to get up and starts wrecking people, including stomping Gunn down in the corner. Austin gets rid of Haku and Undertaker sends Rock to the apron. Rock saves himself, leaving Undertaker to hurt his own head while headbutting Rikishi.

A superkick actually puts Undertaker out but Rikishi takes too long loading up the Banzai Drop, allowing Rock to eliminate him (as you can hear Undertaker leaving on the motorcycle). We’re down to Austin, Kane, Gunn and Rock, with Gunn hitting a Fameasser on Austin. Then Gunn is tossed and we’re down to three. Kane gets knocked down (not eliminated) and that leaves Austin vs. Rock, which has the fans WAY into things again. The Rock Bottom is blocked but Austin hits a Stunner and Thesz presses Kane.

Rock is back up and sends Kane through the ropes to the floor (not eliminated), meaning it’s another slugout with Austin. They go for the eliminations but Kane is back in to toss Rock. That leaves us with Austin vs. Kane, with a chokeslam putting Austin down. Austin manages a low blow and a chair is brought in, which can’t go well. The Stunner drops Kane and three straight chair shots into a clothesline are enough to give Austin the win at 1:01:57.

Rating: A-. There was a bit of a lull in the middle but Rock and Austin and Kane and others were all enough to make this work. What matters is keeping the fans interested and they had the Carey stuff, then the hardcore stuff, then the serious stuff got going with the Rock coming in to fight Kane. All of that was good, but it really cranked up when Austin came in. It’s not the best Rumble ever, but it’s pretty great with nothing close to bad.

Overall Rating: A. Yeah this is an all timer, with the only thing close to bad being a three and a half minute angle disguised as a match. Other than that you have good World and Tag Team Title matches, plus the amazing ladder match and a pretty incredible Royal Rumble. It’s a show that more than holds up and there is pretty much nothing on here worth really complaining about. Check this one out if you haven’t in a bit, as it’s still great.

Ratings Comparison

Dudley Boyz vs. Edge and Christian

Original: B-
2013 Redo: B
2018 Redo: B-
2024 Redo: B-

Chris Jericho vs. Chris Benoit

Original: A
2013 Redo: A+
2018 Redo: A
2024 Redo: A

Ivory vs. Chyna

Original: N/A
2013 Redo: D
2018 Redo: D-
2024 Redo: C

Kurt Angle vs. HHH

Original: B
2013 Redo: B
2018 Redo: B
2024 Redo: B-

Royal Rumble

Original: B
2013 Redo: B+
2018 Redo: A-
2024 Redo: A-

Overall Rating

Original: A
2013 Redo: A
2018 Redo: A
2024 Redo: A

Yep, we’re done with this one as it’s about as definitive as it can get.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

Royal Rumble 2000
Date: January 23, 2000
Location: Madison Square Garden, New York City, New York
Attendance: 19,231
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross

This is the first of the two redos of the year and you picked a good one. What we have here is one of the better one two punches in WWF history, as it’s a double main event. Of course there is the Rumble, but we also have Cactus Jack vs. HHH for the WWF Title in a street fight, which should work out fairly well. Let’s get to it.

The opening video looks at some of Cactus Jack’s most violent moments over the years, with HHH still thinking he knows what he is getting into. Some of the Japanese deathmatch stuff here is rather insane looking and wasn’t something you would see on WWF (or American) TV at the time (or in modern times either really).

The set is really cool, as it has the entrance opposite the hard camera. There is a taxi hanging over the aisle, which is painted like a street for the street fight. Remember when they put in actual effort for those things?

Kurt Angle vs. ???

Angle has only been around for about a month and a half so he still has his ridiculously over the top confidence. He’s also still a bonehead, so this could get ugly in a hurry. Angle mocks the New York Knicks for not being able to win a title and offer to be New York’s Champion tonight. As for his special opponent tonight, Angle knows he must be worried so come out here and give it your all.

Kurt Angle vs. Tazz

This is Tazz’s debut, though the WE WANT TAZZ chants during Angle’s speech might have given something away. Tazz slugs away at the bell and sends Angle over the top to take the fight to the floor. There’s the ECW chant, which must be over Angle’s one night ECW appearance. Angle gets in a suplex in the aisle and takes him back inside for a running shoulder.

There’s an overhead belly to belly from Angle but Tazz crotches him on top. The super Tazzplex gets two as Angle gets a foot on the rope. A bridging German suplex gives Angle two but the Angle Slam is countered into an overhead German suplex. More suplexes set up the Tazmission and Angle is out at 3:15.

Rating: C+. This is one of the more memorable debuts and opening matches in company history, as Tazz made an immediate impact and handed Angle his first defeat. I didn’t know anything about ECW but a buddy of mine who watched it had hyped up Tazz for months. This made the whole thing worth it, as Tazz looked like a killer and massacred Angle without much trouble. Of note: Angle was still new at this kind of wrestling and asked what he should do if Tazz, with his shooter gimmick, tried to test Angle on the mat. Some WWF official replied with a simple: “You’re a gold medalist. I don’t think that will be a problem.”

Post match Angle is out and has to do a stretcher job. Just in case Tazz wasn’t impressive enough.

The Hardys, with manager Terri Runnels (that didn’t last long), are ready to fight these newcomers the Dudleys in something called a tag team tables match. They aren’t letting Terri out there with them though as it’s going to be dangerous.

Dudley Boyz vs. Hardy Boyz

Tables match, with both members having to go through a table to win. Before the match, Bubba Ray, still stuttering, can’t believe New Yorkers cheer for those pretty boy Hardys but they boo his new hero, JOHN ROCKER (who gave a SCATHING interview about New York around this time). It’s a brawl in the aisle to start with the Dudleys getting the better of things and grabbing the first table.

That takes a bit too long though, allowing Jeff to break it up and hit a big dive over the top onto Bubba. Matt and D-Von try to put the other through a table inside as Jeff CRACKS Bubba in the head with at able. Jeff gets a running start on the barricade but Bubba throws a table at his head for a great looking crash. Back in and the Hardys load up a double superplex through a table but D-Von moves the table just in time.

With that not working, let’s bring in a ladder, because that couldn’t go badly. A running shot with the ladder sends Bubba outside (though the ladder hits the ground first), followed by another hard chair shot to his head. Bubba is laid on a table so the Hardys can dive (Jeff off the top, Matt off a ladder) for the first….uh, table breaking. There’s a chair to D-Von’s head and the Hardys set up the steps to bridge a table off the apron. Matt’s top rope legdrop only hits table though and Jeff’s dive goes through another table, leaving the Hardys laying.

Neither count as those weren’t offensive moves so let’s throw some steps inside. A table is bridged over said steps and a superbomb sends Matt through it, evening us up at one table each. Everyone heads outside again and the Dudleys set up four tables underneath a balcony opposite the entrance.

Matt is piled on top but Jeff is back with chair shots to break it up. Bubba is fine enough to take Jeff into the crowd and onto the balcony, where Jeff BLASTS HIM with some chair shots, sending him through the tables in the big crash. Matt puts D-Von on another table and the big Swanton through D-Von gives the Hardys the win at 10:17.

Rating: B. This was the kind of hard hitting fight that you would expect from these two as they beat the living daylights out of each other. They were trying to get noticed and it worked very well, with this being not only violent but memorably violent, with that chair to Jeff’s head and the finish being great.

Kurt Angle gets checked out by medics and despite barely being able to stand, he insists he’s still undefeated because a choke is illegal.

And now, the Miss Royal Rumble Swimsuit contest. Our judges are Sgt. Slaughter, Tony Garea, Fabulous Moolah, Johnny V (he’s lost his Luscious) and Freddie Blassie, with Jerry Lawler as Master of Ceremonies. Here are the contestants: Ivory, Terri, Jacqueline, BB (she wasn’t around long), Luna Vachon and the Kat (Women’s Champion, and the reason this is happening, due to showing quite a bit at Armageddon). Hang on though as Andy Richter, from Late Night With Conan O’Brien, is a bonus guest judge.

Ivory reluctantly disrobes, followed by the rest of them willingly doing so (save for Luna, whose robe doesn’t exactly cover her in the first place). The Kat is about to win (as hers is made of bubble wrap) but here is Mae Young to enter as well, including taking off her top (with various censoring included). Mark Henry comes out for the save. The older judges give it to Young and Lawler loses his mind. This was the advertised nudity on the show, as the WWF gets to mess with its fans a bit, never to do this again.

We go to WWF New York (The “site based entertainment complex, because they made things sound boring back then too.) where the Coach (he’s new) thinks the fans are excited.

Chris Jericho and Chyna, the co-Intercontinental Champions, argue over who gets to wear the belt to the ring. Earl Hebner comes in to take the belt away, saying we can settle this out there. Jericho: “Earl come on. Dave?”

Don’t try this at home.

Intercontinental Title: Chris Jericho vs. Chyna vs. Hardcore Holly

Only Holly is challenging in a weird situation. Jericho is of course way over in New York and promises that his Jericholics will throw a victory party that will make the Millennium Bash look like his sister’s seventh birthday party. Holly shoves Chyna down to start and hammers on Jericho, earning him alternating slaps from the champs. Chyna gets whipped over the corner and out to the floor as Lawler talks about the horrors he just saw. Ross: “You’ve seen scary movies, like Man On The Moon?”

With Chyna on the floor, Jericho tries for the Walls on Holly but Chyna comes in for the save (which is not well received). Holly get sent outside for a change, with Chyna hitting a baseball slide. Jericho adds a big dive to the floor but mostly crashes, allowing Chyna to hit her DDT back inside.

Holly throws her outside again but she low bridges Jericho outside as well (maybe not on purpose). With nothing else working, Holly grabs a chair, sending JR into a panic. Chyna dropkicks it into his face anyway, setting up a double cover for two on Holly back inside. A low blow sends Jericho outside, leaving Chyna to Pedigree Holly for two.

Holly loads Chyna up in an electric chair, allowing Jericho to hit a Doomsday crossbody for two, with the kickout feeling a bit like a surprise. Chyna breaks up a superplex attempt on Holly and then does it herself, only to get small packaged for two. Jericho comes back in, allowing Chyna to chair Holly down. Since stealing moves is a thing, Chyna tries the Walls on Holly but gets caught with the bulldog. The Lionsault finishes Chyna to give Jericho the undisputed title at 7:31.

Rating: C-. This wasn’t exactly great and Holly didn’t exactly feel like a threat to win the title. Thankfully they didn’t bother trying to do anything crazy like keeping up the double champions thing. Jericho was a bigger star and there was no reason to leave him there with Chyna when there were other, better stars for him to face. The match itself was a little clunky and felt like it was ready to wrap up about two minutes earlier, which is never a good thing.

The Rock thinks he can win the Royal Rumble, but he’ll have to find a way around Crash Holly and Headbanger Mosh. Of course he isn’t worried about Big Show and Michael Cole can have a tall glass of Shut Up Juice (that never got over). Rock is going to prove he is the great one and go to Wrestlemania, if you catchphrase.

We recap the New Age Outlaws vs. the Acolytes. The Outlaws are the loudmouthed champions and the Acolytes are ready to destroy them (again).

Tag Team Titles: Acolytes vs. New Age Outlaws

The Outlaws are defending and get in their signature entrance. The Acolytes start fast and hammer away until we settle down to Faarooq powerslamming Dogg. Gunn breaks up the Dominator, allowing Dogg to hit the shaky punches. Bradshaw isn’t having the shaky knee drop though (Dogg liked to shake) so Gunn comes in and misses a Stinger Splash.

The Clothesline From Bradshaw gets no cover so Faarooq comes back in for the spinebuster. Gunn pulls the referee out though and here is X-Pac to kick Bradshaw in the face. Faarooq takes care of him but Gunn hits the Fameasser on Bradshaw to retain at 2:30. I’ve always thought that was rushed as these guys could go seven or eight minutes without much trouble.

We recap Cactus Jack vs. HHH for the WWF Title. HHH cheated to get the title back from Big Show earlier this month but now it is time to defend against the person he took it from in the first place. Mankind had been complaining about the McMahon-Helmsley Era so he was beaten down and fired. The Rock hinted at a mass walk out and got the firing overturned, but it was time for Mankind to face HHH in a street fight at the Royal Rumble. Another beatdown showed Mankind that he wasn’t ready for that….but he knew someone who was.

That meant the return of Cactus Jack, which was more or less the same way Jack debuted in the WWF back in 1997. It was even setting up a Falls Count Anywhere match on the September 4 Monday night Raw in Madison Square Garden, where Jack beat HHH in a classic. HHH knows what he is in for here and the odds are entirely in Jack’s favor. It’s his match against a man he has beaten before in his own backyard. HHH is in trouble and he knows it, so it’s time to fight.

WWF Title: HHH vs. Cactus Jack

HHH is defending and this is a street fight. As usual, I can’t believe how good My Time was as a theme song. Even the ever confident Stephanie McMahon kisses HHH goodbye and bails because this is going to be violent. The slugout gets things going with HHH hammering in the corner and then realizing that’s not the best idea. Cactus (or Mankind according to JR) shows him how it’s done and they head outside for a swinging neckbreaker on the floor.

Back up and HHH manages a bell shot to the face, which just seems to wake Jack up. HHH brings a chair inside and tells Jack to bring it…which Jack does, charging straight into a chair to the head. Jack is right back up with a clothesline, because it was just one chair shot. The chair is placed over HHH’s face and a middle rope leg gives Jack two. They go back to the floor with HHH sending him into the barricade, only to get backdropped over said barricade.

Naturally Jack is fine with taking the fight out there (past a guy in a chef’s outfit) until they wind up in the aisle under the taxi. Jack loads up some wooden pallets, with a suplex dropping HHH onto them. There’s a good trashcan shot to HHH’s head and some whips send him into the metal doors. They’re doing a great job of having HHH get beaten up because the stuff in the streets is so far out of his element.

HHH manages a suplex onto a trashcan (because he can get out of trouble with wrestling) but Jack sends him into the steps. The running knee drives HHH’s head into the steps…and let’s get a barbed wire 2×4. HHH manages to take it away and hits Jack in the ribs and back a few times, with the wire starting to come off the top. Jack comes back with a low blow and a belly to back suplex as the referee hands the 2×4 to the Spanish commentator.

Back in and Jack’s suplex gets a VERY delayed two so he heads outside to get the 2×4 again. Ignore that it isn’t where the commentator put it and clearly not the same one as the wire on this one is tightly wrapped again, but it’s the best way to swap out the real one for the fake one. The referee gets bumped and there’s the 2×4 to HHH’s face to bust him open. Another shot to the face gets a delayed two and HHH’s calf is busted as well.

There’s a third head shot, followed by a famous shot of Jack ripping the wire over HHH’s face. They head over to the announcers’ table (HHH’s face is COVERED in blood) where HHH reverses a piledriver into a backdrop to send Jack somewhat through the table. Back in and the Pedigree is countered into a catapult into the post and a faceplant into the barbed wire gives Jack two more. There’s the Cactus Clothesline but HHH is able to hiptoss him legs first into the steps. HHH sends him knees first into the steps again, just in case the first one didn’t take.

Back in and another chop block takes Jack down again and let’s pick up the barbed wire to crack the knee. With nothing else working, HHH pulls out some handcuffs but Jack manages to wrap them around his hand to hit HHH in the head. HHH goes right back to the knee though and Jack’s hands are cuffed behind him, just like last year against the Rock. The steps are brought in but Jack drop toeholds HHH face first into them.

A low blow lets Jack bite his face, but HHH is right back with another shot to the face. Back up and HHH chairs him so hard that the chair breaks and they go up the aisle. There’s a chair shot to the head but Jack tells him to do it again. Cue the Rock with a heck of a chair shot of his own to HHH though and a cop unhooks Jack to even things up (because wrestling is weird about equal levels of punishment).

They head back to ringside, where a piledriver onto (not through) the table, as in how Jack beat HHH in 1997, knocks HHH silly. Jack sends him back inside and let’s have some thumbtacks. Stephanie comes back to try and stop it but HHH is fine enough to hit a backdrop onto the tacks for the nasty looking crash. The Pedigree connects….for two, and the collective gasp at the kickout is still great. Another Pedigree onto the tacks FINALLY puts Jack away to retain the title at 26:50.

Rating: A+. If the scale went higher than this, it would do so here, because this is one of the best matches of all time. These two massacred each other, with HHH surviving instead of winning. This was brutal, violent, and a rollercoaster of emotions, as there were times where you could believe Jack could pull off the impossible.

What made this work was they laid in the violence from the bell and it felt like they hated each other. This was HHH’s official graduation to the next level, as he now had his own instant classic that showed he really could fight at this level instead of just escaping. At the very least, he can now beat Jack in this situation, which he couldn’t do two and a half years earlier. Incredible match that absolutely holds up and it is worth about five viewings. I can’t recommend this one enough as it really is an all time masterpiece.

Post match HHH is taken out on a stretcher so Jack beats him up again, including another barbed wire shot, because we need to do this again (indeed we do).

Commentary raves about the match and for once, it is completely deserved.

Back at WWF New York, Linda McMahon promises to deal with HHH the McMahon Way. She could always let him date and then marry Stephanie for real.

Royal Rumble

90 second intervals and the Fink makes it very clear that BOTH FEET must touch, which sends us into a clip of Shawn Michaels’ miracle finish in 1995. D’Lo Brown is in at #1 and Grandmaster Sexay is in at #2, which anyone knows if they have played No Mercy. Brown hammers away and hits the leg lariat before nearly dropping Grandmaster on his head in a Liger Bomb attempt. Instead Grandmaster escapes with a hurricanrana as commentary talks about the street fight.

Mosh is in at #3 (complete with green cones sticking off of his chest for his costume of choice) to go after Brown but cue Kaientai to invade over not being entered. The two of them are beaten down in a hurry so Brown suplexes Grandmaster. Christian (with the AWESOME Blood Brother solo theme) is in at #4 with the reverse layout DDT to Mosh. The four pair off, with Christian charging into Grandmaster’s superkick.

It’s Rikishi in at #5 and there is a good chance he’ll get rid of someone. There goes Mosh and Christian follows him rather quickly but Brown hits a running neckbreaker on Rikishi. That keeps Rikishi down for all of two seconds and the always awesome Rikishi Driver knocks Brown silly. Brown is out, leaving Rikishi and Grandmaster, the latter of whom backs out in a wise bit of fear.

Scotty 2 Hotty is in at #6 though….and the sunglasses come out. The big dance sequence is on, with the crowd seeming to eat it up. Scotty busts out the Worm but Rikishi knocks them both out. Everything is cool because it’s all about the title, so Rikishi dances some more on his own. That’s an all time sequence and one of the most memorable Royal Rumble moments.

Steve Blackman is in at #7 and gets in a few shots on Rikishi before being tossed out in less than a minute. Viscera is in at #8 to pound on Rikishi and hit a belly to belly suplex. A running splash in the corner crushed Rikishi but he avoids a second, setting up a bunch of superkicks to get rid of Viscera. Big Boss Man is in at #9 and takes his sweet time getting in, because he actually pays attention. He stays on the floor until Test is in at #10 and jumps Boss Man on the outside. They all get in, where Boss Man low blows Test as he chokes Rikishi in the corner.

British Bulldog is in at #11 and they pair off again, with Test kicking Boss Man in the face. Bulldog low blows Rikishi to break up the Banzai Drop but can’t toss him out. Instead it’s Gangrel in at #12 but here is Kaientai again, earning themselves another fast ejection (including Taka Michinoku being flipped forward, sending his face into the floor). That takes up so much time that it’s Edge in at #13 to go after Gangrel. The Banzai Drop crushes Boss Man as Lawler wants to see Taka (“That Chinese guy.”) get tossed out again.

Bob Backlund is in at #14 to a huge reaction but gets caught in the wrong corner. He’s fine enough to avoid Rikishi’s charge though and everyone gets together to toss Rikishi. Bulldog headbutts Backlund a few times and it’s Chris Jericho in at #15 to toss Backlund. That’s fine with Bob, who goes into the crowd to continue campaigning for Congress (seriously, he was a different kind of guy). Crash Holly is in at #16 and everyone pairs off again as things slow way down.

Chyna is in at #17 and goes after Jericho, who sends her to the apron. That’s fine with Chyna, who manages to toss him out, only to be eliminated by Boss Man. Faarooq is in at #18 but here is the Mean Street Posse right behind him. The distraction/beatdown lets Boss Man toss him as well as they aren’t letting the ring get overly full. Road Dogg is in at #19 and goes after Test, who hits him low to cut that off in a hurry. Somehow Crash stomps Boss Man in the corner as Al Snow is in at #20, giving us Boss Man, Test, Bulldog, Gangrel, Edge, Crash, Dogg and Snow.

Road Dogg tosses Bulldog, allowing Lawler to make doggy style jokes. Val Venis is in at #21 but we need to pause for Funaki to run in again, earning a third toss to the floor. Prince Albert is in at #22 as Edge is tossed out. Lawler talks about Albert and Mae Young having/potentially having various piercings to fill in time as everyone is weakly fighting near the ropes. Hardcore Holly is in at #23 and a grand total of nothing is happening. This match really needs someone to come in and clean house….and the Rock is in at #24.

Boss Man is out but a bunch of people hammer Rock in the corner to slow him right back down. Billy Gunn is in at #25 and he gets to beat Rock down as well. Rock breaks that up and tosses Crash as Road Dogg is still holding onto the bottom rope, as he has done multiple times tonight. Big Show, who has not been happy with Rock as of late, is in at #26 and NOW we should be going somewhere. Rock is on him before he even gets his other leg over the top but Show knocks him away without much trouble. Test and Gangrel are out in a hurry and a gorilla press drops Holly (on the mat, with Lawler not getting the logic).

Bradshaw is in at #27 but the Mean Street Posse comes in again, allowing the Outlaws to dump Bradshaw out. Faarooq comes back out to beat up the Posse in the aisle and things slow down again. Kane is in at #28 and this has to be the real house cleaning right? Venis is tossed but Rock cuts Kane off to slow things right back down. The Godfather, with ladies, is in at #29 as Kane tosses Albert.

Funaki comes in again and Snow tosses him out even faster this time (yeah it was repetitive but this was a hilarious gag). Godfather finally gets in and it’s X-Pac completing the field, giving us a final group of Road Dogg, Al Snow, Holly, Rock, Gunn, Show, Kane, Godfather and X-Pac. Holly is out in a hurry and Show gets rid of Godfather. Rock tosses Snow and Gunn dumps Dogg, only to get tossed by Kane.

We’re down to Rock, Kane, Show and X-Pac, with Rock tossing X-Pac as Kane fight with the Outlaws in the aisle. X-Pac comes back in because no one saw him go out and it’s Kane kicking Rock in the face. Kane and Show fight over a chokeslam until Kane hits an enziguri of all things. A slam puts Show down but X-Pac kicks Kane out.

The Bronco Buster hits Show, who tosses X-Pac out for his efforts. That leaves Rock vs. Show so let’s get right to the spinebuster and People’s Elbow. Rock can’t get him out though and Show is back with a chokeslam. Show takes his sweet time loading Rock up for the elimination though and Rock slips off his shoulder for the elimination and the win at 51:49.

Rating: B+. This is a match that was this close to being an all timer and it just doesn’t quite make it. The opening is good, with the Too Cool sequence being one of the most memorable Rumble moments ever, but then it goes into a pretty deep freeze until Rock comes in. You could tell that there weren’t a lot of big names in the middle to make it work but the great parts are awesome, with Kaientai being in there to make it better. It’s a very good Rumble, though not quite a classic.

Post match Rock says he’s going to Wrestlemania but Show comes back in and tosses him out. Rock yells a lot to end the show.

Overall Rating: A. The two main events eat up over half of the show and they are both classics, with the tables match being a great showcase as well. The only things close to bad on here is a totally watchable seven and a half minute Intercontinental Title match and a less than three minute tag match. Throw in Tazz’s awesome debut against Angle and the atmosphere of the whole thing and this is an incredible show which is well worth your time.

Ratings Comparison

Tazz vs. Kurt Angle

Original: A-
2012 Redo: C+
2022 Redo: C+

Hardy Boyz vs. Dudley Boyz

Original: A
2012 Redo: B+
2022 Redo: B

Chris Jericho vs. Chyna vs. Hardcore Holly

Original: C
2012 Redo: C+
2022 Redo: C-

New Age Outlaws vs. Acolytes

Original: N/A
2012 Redo: N/A
2022 Redo: N/A

HHH vs. Cactus Jack

Original: A+
2012 Redo: A+
2022 Redo: A+

Royal Rumble

Original: A-
2012 Redo: A
2022 Redo: B+

Overall Rating

Original: A
2012 Redo: A
2022 Redo: A

Those two matches carry everything here and that makes for a classic.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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AND

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Royal Rumble 1999
Date: January 24, 1999
Location: Arrowhead Pond, Anaheim, California
Attendance: 14,816
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole

As much as last year’s show was a necessary evil, this show is just evil in general. The company is firing on all cylinders right now but it’s much more about drama than anything else. Mankind won the world title in a shocker 20 days before this, beating the Rock in an impromptu match on Raw. Tonight is the rematch in an I Quit match, which is the only match Mankind knows he can’t lose to Rock. It turns out to be one of the most disturbing things I’ve ever seen in wrestling. Also the Rumble is nothing but a backdrop for Austin vs. Vince, which isn’t a good thing either. Let’s get to it.

Luckily for me, I’ve been reviewing the Raw’s leading up to this show, so the stories will actually be fresh in my mind for a change.

This version opens with some interviews by guys in the Rumble, talking about how the bounty on Austin (Vince has offered $100,000 to whoever knocks Austin out) has them extra fired up. Chyna getting #30 is also discussed.

Opening video is what you would expect. Also the theme song for this show is No Chance, which would become Vince’s theme song after tonight. The idea is that Austin is #1 in the Rumble and Vince is #2, meaning if Austin wants to go to Wrestlemania, he has to run the gauntlet.

Big Boss Man vs. Road Dogg

Roadie is Hardcore Champion but this is non-title and a regular match. Dang it I forgot Boss Man is a tag champion here so I can’t call one of them a champion. Boss Man runs the ropes to start so Roadie tells him to suck it. The fans get on Boss Man so he shoves Road Dogg into the corner and pounds away. The Big guy misses a splash in the corner and Dogg pounds away. The announcers ask a very good question: why isn’t this for the title? Vince could make it for the title if he wanted, but instead he makes it non-title? Why?

Anyway, Road Dogg crotches Boss Man on the post to take over but gets knocked to the floor by an elbow. Back in and Boss Man pounds away but Dogg steps on his foot to escape. That lasts for about five seconds as Boss Man kicks him in the face to take over again. We hit the bearhug and Boss Man thrusts his hips into Dogg’s crotch. There’s an image I certainly didn’t need.

Dogg bites his way out of the hold but gets kneed right back down. The buckle pad is taken off and Boss Man gets two off a spinebuster. Boss Man wins a brief slugout and chokes away again. Lawler cheers for Boss Man but Dogg grabs a sleeper to get himself a breather. Boss Man goes up for some reason and is slammed down almost immediately. Dogg comes back with his usual and gets two off the shaky knee, but the Boss Man Slam ends this out of nowhere.

Rating: C-. Meh. That’s the only word that came to my head after watching this. At the end of the day, when the Outlaws play things seriously, they get pretty dull. Boss Man was fine in this role and he played it as he always did, but that doesn’t mean he should be having twelve minute matches with the Road Dogg. Not a bad match at all, but I don’t quite get why it existed.

We get a quick recap of Billy Gunn vs. Shamrock. Gunn hit on Ryan Shamrock (Ken’s sister) and Ken snapped, giving Billy a title shot for some reason as a result.

Intercontinental Title: Billy Gunn vs. Ken Shamrock

Surprisingly enough Gunn is the aggressor to start but Ken is a bit of a better ground fighter, giving himself control. Billy comes back with a clothesline on the double (tag/IC) champion as things slow down. A suplex gets two for Gunn but he misses a charge into the corner, allowing Ken to fire off some kicks. Ken fires off more kicks to the chest and back of Gunn and gets two off a spinwheel kick.

Billy comes back out of nowhere with the yet to be named Fameasser to buy himself a breather. He pounds away in the corner but Shamrock dumps him to the floor before pounding Billy into the barricade. The beating continues as Gunn is sent into a chair to keep Shamrock in control. They fight to the apron where Gunn makes a quick comeback, hitting a kind of Stroke into the announce table.

Back in and Shamrock goes right for the knee to take over. No ankle lock yet though as Ken busts out a Robinsdale Crunch of all things. Well if nothing else he has good taste in leg moves. For those of you younger people, it’s basically Shamrock wrapping his legs around Billy’s leg and crushing it between his own knees/legs. A HARD kick to the head puts Billy down again and we hear about Billy’s bad ankle from Raw. Not that he has tape on it or has been limping for the first ten minutes of the match or anything, but apparently he has a bad ankle.

Billy comes back with a clothesline but the referee is bumped. Cue Val Venis who also has issues with Shamrock to DDT the champion, giving Billy a two count. Gunn pounds away but goes up (with a bad ankle because he’s an idiot) and crashes on the ankle. Ankle lock and we’re done.

Rating: D+. Too long here and the Venis thing didn’t change anything at all. Billy’s ankle injury was pretty stupid because you didn’t really need the stuff from Raw to set up what happened here. Shamrock got a solid midcard push around this time and even had some cups of upper midcard coffee (only $5.95 at Starbucks!). The Corporation and DX would keep feuding for a few more months.

Shane fires Vince up in the back.

European Title: Gangrel vs. X-Pac

The vampire is challenging. This is another of those matches that is there so they can have another title match on the card, meaning there’s no story that I can think of. Road Dogg might have gotten a blood bath recently but that’s about it. They hit the ropes very quickly to start with Pac grabbing an armdrag to take over. Gangrel grabs a headlock but they speed things up almost immediately again.

Pac hits a quick legdrop but misses a kick in the corner to shift momentum again. We hit the chinlock to give the guys an earned breather. The champ fights up and gets thrown into the air for two. Gangrel misses a top rope elbow and Pac gets two off his jumping clothesline. A big spinwheel kick takes Gangrel down again and X-Pac hits the Bronco Buster.

The third spinwheel kick in about four minutes takes Gangrel down, but Pac gets crotched on the top, continuing a theme tonight. Pac tries a cross body but Gangrel rolls him through for a botched near fall by referee Teddy Long (he countered three but Pac’s shoulder was up). Not that it matters as the X Factor retains the title a few seconds later.

Rating: C+. Referee’s botch aside, this was a nice surprise. Gangrel is hardly known for his in ring abilities but he looked pretty good out there tonight. Pac was better here against a smaller guy as usual, and we got a good match out of it. After the two longer and not great matches earlier, this was a nice pick up.

DX says they’re united tonight but the $100,000 bounty makes it every man (Chyna: “And woman”) for themselves. Billy was nowhere to be seen here for some reason.

Here’s Shane to be ring announcer for the next match for no apparent reason.

Women’s Title: Luna Vachon vs. Sable

Scratch that ring announcer line as apparently he’s here to accept Sable’s forfeiture of the title. This was supposed to be a strap match which had a total of 18 seconds of build on Raw. That’s not an exaggeration either. They came out during another match and that was the only mention. Luna attacked Sable on Heat before the show tonight and injured the champ’s back, but Sable wants to fight anyway.

This is the four corners variety so Sable can look TOUGH here. Sable shoves her into the corner and whips Luna to the floor. She keeps whipping Luna and gets three corners but Luna makes the stop. We get more choking and whipping before Luna drags Sable around with both of them getting the buckles at the same time. You know, like in every other strap match EVER. Shane gets up on the apron before Sable gets the buckle, but Sable’s psycho fan Tori uses the distraction to deck Luna, giving sable the win.

Rating: D. Sable was insanely over back in 98, but at this point it was starting to wear thin. I always felt sorry for Luna who never got to win the Women’s Title. She really would have been a good choice for an evil chick for some blonde heroine to beat, but instead we got worthless lumps like Jackie. Nothing to see here but it could have been worse.

The Corporation says it’s everyone for themselves.

We recap Rock vs. Mankind, which we’ve covered already. Rock lost the title on January 4 on Raw so he wanted a rematch. Mankind kept saying no until Rock said he’d quit trying, which Mankind immediately accepted. The idea is that Mankind has never quit and has been through so much punishment that there’s nothing Rock can do to beat him.

Rock says that he isn’t just some other guy to Mankind, and he’s going to be the first man to make Mankind give up. If you’ve never seen it and have a stomach for blood, I can highly recommend the documentary Beyond the Mat, which is about the behind the scenes world in the WWF and this match is a focus of the film. This promo was being filmed by the documentary cameras and Mankind was about three feet from Rock here. More on this later.

WWF World Title: The Rock vs. Mankind

I Quit rules here. Rock is in his workout gear, which means his male breast enlargement surgery scars haven’t quite healed yet. There isn’t a single bit of sarcasm or humor in that statement. Mankind is defending and had to fight on Heat against the 500lb Mabel. Also the champ has recently gotten his most well known theme song, but it’s still the original version here which doesn’t have the clapping in it yet.

Mankind takes over early and hits his running knee to Rock’s head in the corner. He pounds away on Rock but Rock isn’t ready to quit yet. Some mic shots to the head keep Rock down but he still won’t say it. The Cactus Clothesline puts both guys on the floor but Rock gets in a shot to take over. They head to the commentary desk where Rock talks some trash to King before getting hit in the back by a chair.

Back in and there’s the double arm DDT from the champ. Mr. Socko makes an appearance to put the Claw on Rock. King: “But you can’t talk with your mouth full!” The hold puts Rock out, meaning he can’t say he quits. Not the smartest move in the world there Mick. We brawl into the crowd but Rock hits a kind of suplex to take them back to ringside. There’s the bell ringing spot (Rock puts the bell on Mankind’s head and rings said bell) before singing a bit as only Rock can pull off in the middle of a match.

Rock loads up the Rock Bottom on the table but it gives way, crashing them to the floor. They slug it out some more and head up the aisle where Mankind clotheslines Rock down. Up to the tech area now and Rock hits the snap DDT onto the concrete. It’s ladder time (almost kind of foreshadowing in a way) but Rock gets crushed underneath it before he can use it. Mankind misses an elbow drop onto the ladder and both guys are down again.

Rock sets up the ladder next to the tech area and they climb up to a ledge in front of a balcony. The slugout ensues and Mankind is knocked off the ledge and onto the electrical stuff which shoots sparks and knocks out the arena lights for a few seconds. Mankind is mostly dead on the floor so here’s Shane to come out and ask Rock to chill a bit. Rock says he’s going to make Mankind say he quits, but he won’t ask him. You know, because Mankind isn’t going to say it and Rock knows this. Cole of course doesn’t get it and whines for about five minutes about it.

We head back into the ring where Mankind is basically out on the mat. Cole: “How is Mick Foley standing?” HE’S FREAKING LAY…..never mind. It’s not worth trying to get through Cole’s thick head. Anyway, Rock finds some handcuffs and this is about to get bad. Rock starts pounding away at Mankind’s unprotected head. Somewhere in there the champ was busted open.

Mankind comes back with a pair of low blows and headbutts (remember his arms are handcuffed behind his back). Rock clotheslines him down….and grabs a chair. We get the Corporate Elbow on the chair on Mankind’s head, but that’s just the beginning. Mick won’t quit, so Rocky hits him in the head (remember, unprotected) twice with HARD chair shots. Here are three more to finally knock Mankind down and out to the floor.

Even Lawler says that’s enough, but Rock hits Mankind in the back and side of the head with the chair. There is blood EVERYWHERE. Rock has a clear shot at Mankind’s back but instead waits for him to stand up and hit him in the head again. ANOTHER shot (we’re up to about 12 now) to the head puts Foley down and Mankind SCREAMS that he quits. Note that Mankind isn’t moving an inch and there’s a noticeable echo to his voice which there hasn’t been all night. That would come into play on Raw the next night.

Rating: B. This is a REALLY hard one to grade because the last five minutes are nothing but disturbing. We saw a guy completely defenseless and having his head smashed in with a piece of metal by a world class athlete. Pre Benoit or post Benoit, that’s a completely unnecessary risk and a terrifying thing to see. I love these two fighting, but this was legitimately disturbing.

Again, if you’ve never seen it, check out Beyond the Mat. It shows Mankind’s wife and family in the audience in terror watching this, but you can only hear the sound of the chair shots. If it was a horror movie it would be absolutely chilling. Also it shows Foley in the back looking at himself after the beating and the first time he looks in a mirror he stops almost cold. This went WAY too far.

We recap the Rumble, which is literally all about Vince vs. Austin and Austin’s path back to the title which begins tonight. Vince keeps screwing Austin out of the title but he’s kept coming back to get another shot. That’s most of the year in a nutshell actually.

Earlier tonight Austin came in on a monster truck limo for no apparent reason. He got in Vince’s face earlier as well, resulting in the Stooges getting beaten up.

Royal Rumble

There’s a $100,000 bounty on Austin’s head and we have Austin at #1 and Vince at #2. I think you can see what’s coming from here. The intervals are 90 seconds here. Howard goes into a REALLY long winded explanation of the rules, causing Lawler to freak out on him. Vince of course takes the chance to show off his impressive physique. Austin immediately pounds away as Cole sums up Vince vs. Austin: “How often do you get to see an employee rip the CEO of a Fortune 500 company apart?”

Austin destroys Vince for a few moments with basic stuff until Golga is #3. There’s the Thesz Press and Golga slides in but Austin knocks him out in 15 seconds. Vince rolls to the floor and heads into the crowd with Austin chasing after him. They brawl (read as Austin punches him and Vince staggers away) up the crowd as there’s no one in the ring. Droz comes in at #4 with no one to fight. See, why did Golga have to be eliminated? It doesn’t sound great but having Droz vs. Golga is better than nothing.

Anyway, Vince and Austin brawl into the back and into a ladies’ room where the Corporation jumps Austin. Naturally the camera feed is lost so we don’t see what actually happens. We come back to the arena to see Droz just standing there. The years away from meaning anything Edge is #5 to actually give us some action. After about 45 seconds, Gillberg is #6. The hilarious entrance takes forever and Edge dumps him in about five seconds.

We cut back to the bathroom and Austin is out cold on the floor. Steve Blackman is #7 as the low level stuff continues. I mean, at the end of the day NO ONE in the ring at the moment is going to be bought as a serious contender here. Austin is being treated by EMTs as Blackman fires off kicks to Edge. Dan Severn and his wet t-shirt are #8. He and Blackman have the WWF style MMA fight as we see Austin on a stretcher. That’s about the fourth time we’ve cut to Austin and away from the ring.

Tiger Ali Singh (think an Indian Ted DiBiase with ZERO charisma) is #9 as we see the ambulance drive away. The five nothings in the ring continue to waste our time until Blue Meanie is #10. Again in way less than 90 seconds, there’s no #11. We cut to the back (running theme tonight) and see Mabel beating up Mosh to take his place in the match. He immediately dumps Severn and Blackman plus Singh. There go Meanie and Droz, leaving us with Edge, Mabel and Road Dogg who is #12. Road Dogg dumps Edge and there go the lights.

Taker’s music hits and we have the Acolytes and Mideon in the ring beating up Mabel. They dump him out, yet AGAIN leaving us with just one person standing there. Taker and Bearer pop up and stare down Mabel, apparently hypnotizing him, which would lead to Mabel becoming Viscera. Gangrel is #13 with his rocking entrance music. There goes Gangrel so we stand around a bit more.

Kurrgan is #14 and destroys Dogg with power stuff. Psycho Al Snow is #15 and helps double team Kurrgan. Snow tries to get on the ropes for more leverage and is immediately dumped by Dogg. Goldust is #16 and Kurrgan gets double teamed again. With the big man down, Roadie tries Shattered Dreames on Goldie. Kurrgan saves Goldust for no apparent reason and it’s Dogg that goes down instead.

Godfather is #17 but the Ho’s leave, ticking off the fans. After about 30 seconds of Godfather being in the ring, here’s Kane at #18 to FINALLY give us some star power. The ring is cleared in about 30 seconds and the place goes nuts for Kane. Since having Kane as a dominant monster to set up a showdown with another big name would be interesting, the people from the insane asylum come out to try to institutionalize Kane (just go with it), so he eliminates himself.

Shamrock is #19 with no one to fight. Vince comes back out to do commentary. Billy Gunn limps to the ring at #20 and is immediately taken down with a leg shot. The beating goes on for awhile until Test is #21. We cut to the back (AGAIN) to see Mabel being beaten into a hearse. An ambulance pulls up and it’s being drive by a certain bald headed Rattlesnake. Because clearly a guy can be beaten down, wake up less than 20 minutes later, get out of an ambulance bed, take over the ambulance, and get back to the arena in under half an hour.

Austin comes back to the ring as Boss Man is #22. Austin chases Vince around and into the ring but gets jumped by Shamrock. That’s it for Kenny so here’s HHH at #23, giving us three tall guys with long blonde hair. Billy goes after Austin for the sake of the money as Vince plays cheerleader. Vince tries not to slip into commentator mode as he talks about people wanting the money.

Val Venis is #24 and Austin dumps Billy. X-Pac is #25 and Val pounds on Austin. He kicks Steve to the floor as we’re just waiting on the Austin and Vince interaction. A spinwheel kick from Pac puts Austin down as Mark Henry is #26. Henry swings for Austin but decks Boss Man instead. Jeff Jarrett is #27 and nothing happens again. Pac kicks at a lot of people and hits the Bronco Buster on Boss Man.

In a somewhat famous bit, HHH is clearly heard asking Val if he can hang on if HHH throws him over the ropes. After that punch to kayfabe’s stomach, D’Lo Brown is #28. Austin dumps Test and X-Pac to give us some more mat space. Boss Man and Jarrett team up to try to eliminate Austin but he fights them off again. There goes Jarrett as Owen Hart is #29. Austin spits at Vince as the ring is way too full.

Chyna is #30, giving us a final group of Chyna, Austin, Vince, Boss Man, HHH, Venis, Henry, Brown, Hart and Chyna. Chyna manages to dump Henry but is knocked out almost immediately by Austin. HHH throws Val out to get us down to five. There’s a Stunner to dump HHH and get us down to five guys. Austin avoids a dropkick from Brown and they fight in the corner a bit.

Owen hits the enziguri on Austin and is backdropped out just a few seconds later. Boss Man takes Austin down and Brown hits the Low Down. Brown poses too long though and Boss Man tosses him, only to get tossed by Austin. We’re down to Austin vs. McMahon and the beating is on. Austin destroys Vince with a chair shot and the boss is in big trouble. We head back inside and Vince hits a quick low blow to give himself a breather. Austin comes back with the Stunner and beats on Vince until Rock comes out. Rock and Austin have their staredown, allowing Vince to dump Austin and win the Rumble.

Rating: F. No. This was a failure on every level. The premise was stupid, the execution was TERRIBLE, and Vince winning makes the whole thing a big joke. We had THREE part where the booking resulted in the ring being empty. Who in the world thought that was a goo….oh yeah this is still Russo Time. Absolutely horrible here and the worst Rumble of all time, pretty much by far.

Vince has a BIG celebration to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. The Rumble SUCKED, the title match was decent, and the rest of the show was either bad or forgettable. That’s more or less 1999 in a nutshell. On top of that, this would all mean NOTHING by the next week, as we had Halftime Heat coming up to give Mankind the title back, as well as Vince forfeiting his title shot at Mania, resulting in Austin going anyway. Just awful overall.

Ratings Comparison

Big Boss Man vs. Road Dogg

Original: C-

Redo: C-

Ken Shamrock vs. Billy Gunn

Original: D+

Redo: C+

X-Pac vs. Gangrel

Original: B-

Redo: C+

Sable vs. Luna Vachon

Original: F

Redo: D

The Rock vs. Mankind

Original: B

Redo: B

Royal Rumble

Original: F

Redo: F

Overall Rating

Original: D-

Redo: D

It still sucks.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/18/royal-rumble-count-up-1999-please-make-it-stop/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Royal Rumble 1994
Date: January 22, 1994
Location: Providence Civic Center, Providence, Rhode Island
Attendance: 14,500
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Ted DiBiase

We’re in the New Generation and that means we could be in for something interesting. In theory it means we’ll be seeing some rather good in-ring action, though the star power is hit and miss at best. In addition to the Royal Rumble itself, we also have the Undertaker challenging Yokozuna for the WWF Title in a casket match. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is your usual look at some of the bigger names, with the videos seemingly being displayed on the side of buildings. Kind of an odd odd.

Ted DiBiase is brought out as the other half of the commentary team, which seems to surprise McMahon. Well dude you hired him.

Tatanka vs. Bam Bam Bigelow

Bigelow, with Luna Vachon, is replacing an injured Ludvig Borga (he would never wrestle for the WWF again). Tatanka strikes away to start and takes Bigelow down with an armbar. That’s broken up and Tatanka misses a high crossbody so he tries a top rope sunset flip. That doesn’t go well either as Bigelow sits on his chest for two, followed by a bearhug. Tatanka fights out and hits a quick powerslam but they both try crossbodies to leave them both down. Back up and Tatanka hits the war path but misses a charge and goes down. The moonsault misses for Bigelow though and a high crossbody gives Tatanka the pin at 8:21.

Rating: C. Perfectly decent opener here as the match was designed to be about Tatanka trying to get revenge on Borga but they didn’t have a better choice. This worked as well as it could have, with Tatanka still being a completely serviceable midcard star. It wasn’t great, but it was acceptable enough for their situation.

We recap the Hart Brothers challenging the Quebecers for the Tag Team Titles. Owen is feeling forgotten by Bret, mainly after being eliminated from their match at the Survivor Series. Owen said he was tired of living in Bret’s shadow and wanted a match between the two of them. Bret refused but had a better idea: they win the Tag Team Titles. This worked for Owen (even though he said he was going to take off with Bret right behind him) and we’re ready to go.

We look at the Quebecers losing and regaining the Tag Team Titles in a series with Marty Jannetty and the 1-2-3 Kid.

Bret (standing in front of Owen) are ready to face any challengers.

IMG Credit: WWE

Tag Team Titles: Bret Hart/Owen Hart vs. Quebecers

The Quebecers, with Johnny Polo, are defending. Bret and Pierre start things off with Bret taking over and working on a wristlock. Owen comes in for his spinning wristlock escape and it’s off to Jacques, who offers a handshake. A suplex puts Jacques down and he bails over to the corner for a hug from Pierre. And a mini version from Polo, who doesn’t want to feel left out. An enziguri puts Jacques down and something like a Demolition Decapitator gets two. Pierre comes in to take over on Owen in the corner but Owen dives over Bret for a rollup and near fall.

The champs bail out to the floor (likely for more hugging) before Pierre comes in and gets clotheslined. It’s back to Bret, who gets caught in a powerslam to let the Quebecers take over. Bret gets choked on the ropes and some running knees to the back give Jacques two. Pierre dives into a raised boot though and it’s Owen coming in to clean house. Everything breaks down and Owen grabs a quick Sharpshooter, which is broken up with a bulldog.

A hot shot rocks Owens again but he’s back with a double running dropkick. The tag brings in Bret and Pierre is sent outside, though Polo low bridges Bret to the floor. Bret comes up clutching his knee and that’s never a good sign. Naturally the champions are smart enough to start in on the knee, including a chair shot from Jacques.

More shots to the knee keep Bret down and Owen sends Pierre into the steps, which doesn’t really do much good. Back in and a middle rope legdrop to the back of the head gets two and Pierre goes after the leg again. The Cannonball misses….but Bret won’t tag, instead trying the Sharpshooter on Pierre. The knee gives out though and the referee says Bret can’t continue at 16:47.

Rating: B-. I remember seeing this match when I was a kid and thinking Bret was completely wrong, which is still the case here. There was zero reason for Bret to not tag out and let Owen come in other than he didn’t think Owen was good enough. It was just a straight up heel move and Owen was totally justified, especially after everything else he had done. The match was all about telling the story of Bret going too far, though he and Owen did work very well together.

Post match Owen screams at Bret and kicks his leg out (amen). With a bunch of agents out there helping Bret, Ray Rougeau comes out to check on Bret’s status, even wanting to talk to Bret himself. Dude he’s getting help from Pat Patterson and Rene Goulet. He’s already in enough trouble.

Anyway Bret is carried out on a stretcher with Owen popping up on screen to rant about Bret being selfish (yep). They even stop the stretcher in front of the screen so Bret can watch (GEEZ PEOPLE) as Owen says he kicked the leg out from his….leg. Yeah Owen screwed the line up, but this was a heck of a heel turn, even though he was pretty much totally justified.

Ted DiBiase applauds Owen for what he did. Owen as part of the Million Dollar Corporation could have worked well.

Jim Ross and Gorilla Monsoon, of Radio WWF, step in for the next match. And yes, Radio WWF is exactly what it sounds like and no it didn’t work.

IMG Credit: WWE

Intercontinental Title: IRS vs. Razor Ramon

Ramon is defending and IRS accuses everyone here of being a tax cheat. Ramon slugs him down to start and even more right hands send IRS outside for a breather. Back in and an atomic drop into a clothesline drops IRS again, only to have him send Ramon outside. A posting has Ramon down again so IRS goes up top. The boot is raised but IRS sees it coming like a bad sweat attack and drops an elbow instead.

The chinlock doesn’t last long so it’s a legdrop into…well another chinlock. Ramon fights up and punches away, setting up a fall away slam. The referee gets bumped in the corner though but the briefcase is taken away. A shot to the face drops IRS but there’s no referee. The Razor’s Edge is loaded up but Shawn Michaels runs in with the other Intercontinental Title to knock Ramon silly. That’s enough to give IRS the pin and the title…but another referee comes out to say what happened. Ramon grabs a Razor’s Edge for the pin at 11:45.

Rating: C-. Yeah you know what you’re getting here, as IRS is technically sound but he’s just not that much to watch in the ring. His stuff is so dry and it can make a rough sit, though he’s kind of perfect for the spot. Ramon got a nice title defense and that’s all it needed to be. Fine enough use of Ramon, but not a very good match, even with the false finish.

We recap Undertaker vs. Yokozuna for the latter’s WWF Title. Undertaker wants the title and has built an extra large casket, naturally with Yokozuna being terrified of a casket. Well yeah, a lot of people are. We get various scenes of the casket being built and then taken away in a cart (though Undertaker standing there after it is taken away is a cool visual). They also did the “Yokozuna opens the casket and Undertaker is inside” deal, which scared him all over again. This went on for a good while and it got almost silly instead of a serious title match.

IMG Credit: WWE

WWF Title: Undertaker vs. Yokozuna

Yokozuna (with Jim Cornette and. Mr. Fuji) is defending in a casket match and Paul Bearer is here with Undertaker. The uppercuts have Yokozuna in trouble to start and a running shot knocks him out to the floor. Back in and Old School connects but Undertaker misses the big jumping clothesline. Undertaker knocks him outside and they trade chair shots to the head with Yokozuna getting the better of things.

Back in and a headbutt knocks Undertaker silly but it’s too early to put him in the casket. Undertaker fights up and hits a kind of choke shove (no elevation due to gravity), followed by the running DDT. It’s time to put Yokozuna in the casket but cue Crush to go after Undertaker, who takes him down anyway. Now it’s Kabuki and Tenryu to slow Undertaker down, with Bam Bam Bigelow coming in as well.

Fuji steals the urn from Bearer, who kicks Fuji in the ribs and steals the urn back, allowing him to bash the other managers. The power of the urn brings Undertaker back so here is Jeff Jarrett to help the villains. Adam Bomb comes in as well and here are the Headshrinkers to finally put Undertaker down.

The casket is opened and he’s put inside but fights out AGAIN (the place is losing it for the comeback and…well yeah understandably so). Diesel comes in as well as Yokozuna steals the urn and actually opens it, revealing a bunch of green smoke. The beatdown is on again and everyone unloads on him with all kinds of stuff to FINALLY get him in the casket to retain the title at 14:22.

Rating: C. I’m really not sure what to think of this as it sound up being 10 (12 counting the managers) on 2 at the end (ok 2.5 if you count Bearer) and the comebacks had the people going nuts. That being said, the match itself was pretty slow and sluggish, with the regular action being little more than a setup for the big stuff at the end. Either way, it’s certainly memorable and that’s what matters the most.

Post match the casket is wheeled out and the gong sounds. We go to Casket Cam, with undertaker looking up and saying that you will soon see his rebirth and he will never rest in peace. Then his body raises up through the top of the video screen (just go with it, and no it wasn’t Marty Jannetty) and disappears. This is interesting, as when I was a kid, I couldn’t actually see the body, so I thought Undertaker just disappeared. Seeing it on a better TV, you can still only kind of see the silhouette (ignore where the hat came from), but at least it makes some more sense.

It’s time for the rapid fire “I’m going to win the Royal Rumble” comments from Randy Savage, Jeff Jarrett, Tatanka, Diesel, Doink, Shawn Michaels and Lex Luger.

IMG Credit: WWE

Royal Rumble

90 second intervals with Scott Steiner in at #1 and Samu in at #2. Shockingly enough, they hit each other rather hard with Samu getting the better of things until Rick Steiner is in at #3. DiBiase wants to see the Steiners fight but they need a voice of reason to say “yeah, or the Steiners could then beat up everyone else and fight at the end”. A belly to belly and Steiner Line have Samu in trouble and he misses a charge to get his head caught in the ropes.

Samu is knocked out and it’s Kwang in at #4, meaning it’s some green mist to Rick. Kwang beats on both of them and it’s Owen Hart in at #5. The villains pair off and Owen actually gets rid of Rick. Bart Gunn is in at #6 and they pair off again as we’re told that something has happened backstage. Well I would hope that they’re not just all standing there like statues. Kwang hits a good superkick on Bart and it’s Diesel in at #7 to toss everyone with ease. The ring is cleared out and it’s Bob Backlund in at #8.

Backlund is smart enough to stay low to the mat and go for the legs, to the point where he almost gets Diesel over. Diesel fights that off and throws him out, before Billy Gunn is in at #9. And there goes Billy, as we go to the back where Tenryu and Kabuki have jumped Lex Luger. Virgil is in at #10 (DiBiase: “WHERE DID HE COME FROM? Ok I’m going to enjoy this McMahon.”) as an alternate for Kamala and tries some jabs, only to get hit in the face and dumped out.

Randy Savage is in at #11 to give Diesel some real competition as he hammers away to start. The shots to the face and some choking in the corner even have DiBiase impressed. Diesel gets knocked down in the corner and it’s Jeff Jarrett in at #12. Jarrett knocks Savage down and throws him over, only for Savage to skin the cat. Savage tosses Jarrett and it’s Crush (whom Savage absolutely hates) in at #13.

Savage is of course all over him with right hands and ax handles but Savage switches to Diesel, allowing Crush to get in a shot from behind. Doink The Clown is in at #14 as Savage is tossed out. Doink sprays water at Diesel and steps on their feet, which is about as long as the good lasts. Bam Bam Bigelow is in at #15 as Doink is out, leaving us with the three monsters to fight each other. Mabel is in at #16 (as Doink is being helped out) and it’s a four way monster fight as the clock seems to be getting shorter.

Sparky Plugg (replacing an injured 1-2-3 Kid) is in at #17 and everyone gets together on the ropes but no one is out. Shawn Michaels is in at #18 and has a staredown with Diesel (his bodyguard) but a bunch of people get together and toss Diesel (Michaels might have shoved but it’s not clear). Mo is in at #19 to help Mabel a bit and things slow down. It’s Greg Valentine (he has to be an alternate) in at #20, giving us Crush, Bigelow, Mabel, Plugg, Michaels, Mo and Valentine at the two thirds mark.

Bigelow and Mo (what a team) beat on Valentine and Mabel and Plugg team up (part of why I love the Rumble). Tatanka is in at #21 as the ring is getting too full. Great Kabuki is in at #22 and a bunch of people get together to toss Mabel. Lex Luger is in at #23 and throws his variety of punches before getting rid of Kabuki. Things slow back down and it’s Tenryu in at #24.

Tenryu chops away at Luger and kicks him in the face as….no one is here at #25. Commentary thinks it was supposed to be Bret Hart as the fairly listless brawling continues. Rick Martel is in at #26 as there are some rather fillery people in here. Luger and Tatanka slug it out until Michaels cuts Luger off. A very limping Bret Hart is in at #27, with commentary being stunned. He takes his time getting to the ring and knocks Crush down as Fatu is in at #28.

A bunch of people get together and throw Crush out as March Jannetty is in at #29 as we’re told the missing entrant was a sick Bastion Booger. Jannetty goes right at it with Michaels in quite the heated brawl but Tenryu breaks it up. Jannetty’s superkick staggers Michaels and he grabs a sleeper as Adam Bomb is in at #30. That gives us a final grouping of Bigelow, Plugg, Michaels, Mo, Valentine, Tatanka, Luger, Tenryu, Martel, Hart, Fatu, Jannetty and Bomb.

That’s FAR too many so Michaels gets rid of Plugg, leaving Hart to beat on Mo in one of those Only In The Royal Rumble pairings. Michaels starts in on Hart’s bad knee but gets kicked into the post for his efforts. Martel gets rid of Valentine (who might have slipped out, though it doesn’t really matter) and then gets tossed himself, with Bomb following him for another quick elimination. Mo and Tatanka are out too, followed by Bigelow and Jannetty as we get rid of some people in a hurry.

We’re down to Luger, Michaels, Tenryu, Fatu and Hart. Tenryu sends Fatu and Michaels head to head, with the expected result. Fatu and Michaels are whipped into each other so Tenryu goes after Luger, who tosses him as well. That leaves us with four so Michaels goes after Hart (it seems so appropriate) and Luger faceplants Fatu. Since NO ONE CAN EVER LEARN IN THESE THINGS, Fatu superkicks him down and hits a middle rope fist drop. Fatu and Michaels are tossed out, leaving Hart and Luger to slug it out. They both go over the top at the same time and that’s….apparently it at 55:04.

Rating: B-. This is a tricky Rumble, as there are certainly good parts, including Diesel’s monster run (which the company and fans both noticed), the ending and Hart’s performance in general, but there are also some dead spots that drag it down. While it isn’t quite an all time Rumble, it’s certainly a good enough one and that’s an acceptable result. It did a good job of selling the drama of not knowing who was winning and there were some interesting “every man for themselves” moment. Solid Rumble, though it could have been better with some tweaks.

Post match one referee says it was Luger and another says it was Bret. The replays show that they landed at pretty much the exact same time and it couldn’t have gone much better. Eventually Jack Tunney comes out to say they’re co winners, which set up the unofficial tournament at Wrestlemania X.

Respect is shown and we get some quick stills to wrap up the show.

Overall Rating: B-. The Rumble is such a unique show as one match eats up so much of the card. That was the case here and I liked the Rumble well enough. The problem is almost nothing else really stands out, save for maybe Owen Hart going completely nuts in his turn. Well that and Undertaker being….whatever he was supposed to be. It certainly has some memorable moments and the ending to the Rumble is a classic, so we’ll call it a good enough show with some weak parts.

Results
Tatanka b. Bam Bam Bigelow – High crossbody
Quebecers b. Bret Hart/Owen Hart via referee stoppage
Razor Ramon b. IRS – Razor’s Edge
Yokozuna b. Undertaker – Yokozuna put Undertaker in the casket
Lex Luger and Bret Hart co-won the Royal Rumble last eliminating each other

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Royal Rumble 1992
Date: January 19, 1992
Location: Knickerbocker Arena, Albany, New York
Attendance: 17,000
Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon, Bobby Heenan

It’s time to get back to one of the classics as this one comes up on the request list pretty regularly. Since this is going to be my fourth time looking at it, odds are this is going to be the last time I look at it for a very good while. You probably know the big attraction by heart at this point and that should be more than enough to carry the whole thing. Let’s get to it.

We open with Vince McMahon narrating a list of Royal Rumble entrants, which does have a certain charm as he is SO into it.

Commentary runs down most of the card. There are only five matches, so a full list wouldn’t be too much to ask.

Orient Express vs. New Foundation

The Express (Kato/Tanaka) has Mr. Fuji with them. Owen and Kato start things off as Heenan ignores everything else to talk about Ric Flair in the Royal Rumble (fair enough in this case). Kato’s O’Connor roll is countered into an armbar, followed by a running hurricanrana to give Owen two. Neidhart comes in for an armbar of his own before it’s off to Tanaka for another showdown.

Tanaka bounces off of Neidhart as commentary talks about Neidhart’s questionable sanity. A spinebuster sets up Owen’s middle rope elbow as commentary finally starts talking about the match in front of them. That lasts all of ten seconds as we switch over to the Mountie winning the Intercontinental Title from a rather sick Bret Hart (not quite) at a recent house show. Heenan: “He had a 104 degree temperature. I’ve wrestled with an 113 degree temperature! It’s not that big of a deal!”

Neidhart hits a double clothesline to set up Owen’s high crossbody, followed by a spinwheel kick for two on Kato. Tanaka gets in a kick from the apron though and a Fuji cane shot lets the villains take over. Kato is back up with a jumping back elbow for two as Heenan tries to leave to consult with Flair before the Rumble. We get our first “fair to Flair” of the day as Owen does Breth’s chest first into the buckle bump. A superkick gives Tanaka two so he does it again, setting up a headbutt to the, ahem, lower abdomen (even commentary isn’t sure on that one).

Owen fights up and gets over for the tag but the referee doesn’t see it thanks to a well timed distraction (because the classics always work). Instead a belly to belly plants Tanaka for two, leaving them both down. Neidhart gets drawn in again, allowing a double clothesline for two on Owen. Another superkick drops Owen again but he gets back up with a double dropkick. The hot tag brings in Neidhart to clean house as everything breaks down. Owen hits a heck of a suicide dive on Kato, setting up the Rocket Launcher for the pin (Monsoon: “Sayonara baby!”) at 17:19.

Rating: C+. This is the kind of match that I miss in modern wrestling: take some talented people and put them in the ring together for a good while with little on the line. I get why it wouldn’t go over well today, but dang it is a nice flashback to a different era. The New Foundation wasn’t exactly as good as the Harts, but they were good enough to put in a nice effort like this one here.

We look at the Mountie defeating the sick Bret Hart to win the Intercontinental Title. Mountie kept the beatdown going after the match until Roddy Piper made the save. Another sneak attack from Mountie didn’t work, but now we have a title match.

Jimmy Hart is ECSTATIC over the Mountie winning the title. Mountie promises to beat Roddy Piper up, while taking his manhood AND his skirt.

Roddy Piper says we’re looking at one of the original Village People in the Mountie. First, Mountie wants to take Piper’s integrity, but Piper doesn’t have any! Then he’s coming for Piper’s manhood. Piper is here to wrestle, but he doesn’t know what Mountie is here to do. Tonight, Piper can win two titles and now he has to go win the first one.

Intercontinental Title: Roddy Piper vs. The Mountie

Mountie is defending and has Jimmy Hart in his corner. Piper unloads to start and Mountie bails outside fast. A Hart distraction lets Mountie get in a few shots, followed by some leapfrogs back inside. You can only do that to Piper for so long though as he sends Mountie into the buckle a few times. There’s a bulldog out of the corner as commentary bickers about how many rights Heenan has.

Hart’s distraction lets Mountie get in a few shots, including some face first rams into the buckle. A sunset flip gives Piper two as Heenan again claims the 113 degree temperature, which he survived thanks to half of a children’s Aspirin. Back up and Piper sends him over the top, only to have Mountie skin the cat. Piper sends him into an interfering Hart though, grabs the sleeper, and wins the title at 5:20.

Rating: D+. The match was nothing, but was anyone buying the Mountie as having a chance against Piper? The whole thing was a way to transition the title off of Bret to set up the eventual showdown with Piper at Wrestlemania. Piper winning a title after all those years as a star is great to see though and that was the other major point. Bad match, but a good result.

Post match Hart tries to come in with Mountie’s shock stick, which Piper takes and uses on the Mountie instead. We do get a classic Fink AND NEEEEW moment, with Piper getting to hold the title for a great moment.

Hulk Hogan is ready to win the Royal Rumble, where he won’t have any friends because he wants the WWF Title back.

The Bushwhackers and Jamison (a disturbingly nerdy guy with a bad suit and a sock sitting out of his pocket) are ready for the Beverly Sisters’ final fling. They’ll beat up the Genius too.

Bushwhackers vs. Beverly Brothers

Jamison and the Genius are here too. We hit the stall button to start, with two and a half minutes passing before the Brothers jump Luke to start the physicality. Luke fights up and bites the back of Blake’s tights, setting up a double forearm to put the Brothers outside. We settle down to Beau vs. Butch as commentary talks about Jack Tunney actually doing something lately.

Beau gets in a cheap shot to take over as commentary talks about 20,000 fans here (17,000 official, so at least it’s not that far off). Everything breaks down again and the Bushwhackers clear the ring for the second time as we are somehow almost seven minutes into this. The Beverlies both try sneaking up from behind to even less avail but this time Butch goes outside to beat up Beau. A cheap shot to Luke finally gets us into a more traditional match, with the Beverlys taking turns with the elbows. Jamison: “Stop cheating!”

A backbreaker puts Luke down again and there’s a headbutt to the back for two. Heenan rants about his tax money going to Jamison as this match just keeps going. Luke gets beaten up again as genius slaps Jamison. One shot is finally enough for Luke to get over for the tag to Butch so house can be cleaned. The Battering Ram hits Blake and a running headbutt gets two on Beau. The referee has to get Luke out though and Blake hits a top rope ax handle to pin Butch at 14:56.

Rating: D-. Yowza this was a horrible match, with nothing good in the way of wrestling, a bunch of repetitive stalling and a lame ending. This was one of the worst pay per view matches I’ve ever seen from the WWF and the time would have been better used by airing an old pinball tournament. Awful in every sense.

Post match the Bushwhackers clean house and hold Genius back so Jamison can kick him in the shin. Good for him I’m sure.

The Legion Of Doom is ready for the Natural Disasters because they’ll fight anyone. Hawk wants the Disasters’ tongues hanging out like dead deers’.

Tag Team Titles: Natural Disasters vs. Legion Of Doom

The Disasters, with Jimmy Hart, are challenging. Hawk wastes no time in swinging away at Typhoon and everything breaks down quickly. Earthquake comes in and shrugs off Hawk’s dropkick, only to miss a (decent actually) dropkick attempt of his own. Gorilla: “He wouldn’t have hit Sky Low Low with that one!” Well no, as it would have been two feet above Low Low’s head. Think Monsoon.

It’s off to Animal for a double clothesline and knockdown, followed by Animal’s failed slam attempt to put him in trouble again. That lasts all of three seconds as Typhoon comes back in and gets his arm cranked, allowing the tag back to Hawk. A backbreaker cuts Hawk down and Typhoon adds a running crotch attack to the back. The required bearhug goes on before Earthquake steps on Hawk’s ribs.

Another bearhug goes on as Heenan is trying to pay someone to go to the back to get Flair information. This one is broken up just as quickly as the other, leaving Earthquake to miss a splash in the corner. Hawk manages a middle rope elbow to the head and it’s finally off to Animal to pick up the pace. Everything breaks down and they fight to the floor, with only Typhoon beating the count back in for the win at 9:24.

Rating: D+. While it wasn’t good, this is just slightly better than the other tag match and that is what matters here. At the end of the day, the match was about setting up something in the future, even if that didn’t quite happen. The match wasn’t exactly fun to watch, as Earthquake and Typhoon are only going to be able to do so much in the ring. Throw in the LOD being a bit limited in their own right and this was about as good as it was going to get.

Post match the brawl is on and the Disasters are cleared out.

In the back, Jimmy Hart and the Disasters rant a lot.

Roddy Piper is very happy with his win and dedicates it to his son Colt.

After a clip of the famous Barber Shop split, Shawn Michaels doesn’t care that Marty Jannetty is out of the Rumble because Shawn is going to win it anyway.

Ric Flair has drawn #3 and doesn’t care, because he’s Ric Flair.

Randy Savage is ready to get back to the top of the mountain.

Sid Justice is ready to win the Royal Rumble.

Repo Man is ready to repossess the WWF Title.

British Bulldog is ready to win another battle royal, just like he won another one last year at Royal Albert Hall in London.

Jake Roberts is ready to get what he needs and beat up Randy Savage at the same time. Trust him.

Mr. Perfect and Ric Flair are ready for the latter to prove that he is the REAL World’s Champion.

Paul Bearer is ready for 29 caskets as the Undertaker is WWF Champion again.

Hulk Hogan is ready for it to be every man for himself in the Royal Rumble so he can get the title back. Hogan was sounding rather whiny and a bit paranoid here.

Jack Tunney gives us a brief welcome and says may the best man win.

WWF Title: Royal Rumble

For the vacant title (after Hulk Hogan cheated to take it back from Undertaker) with two minute intervals. British Bulldog is in at #1 and Ted DiBiase is in at #2 as Heenan is already calculating odds on Flair’s ring time. Bulldog hammers away but charges into an elbow in the corner. DiBiase grabs some suplexes as Heenan suggests going through the ropes and hiding to kill time.

Bulldog gets thrown over the top but hangs on and runs back in to toss DiBiase, leaving Heenan upset. Ric Flair is in at #3 (Heenan: “NO!” Monsoon: “YES!”), sending Monsoon into a statement about how no one from entrants #1-5 has ever made it to the end. Heenan apologizes for not being able to be objective as Bulldog grabs the gorilla press. Flair gets in a poke to the eye for a breather as Jerry Sags is in at #4.

Bulldog gets double teamed as Heenan wants Flair to go rest in the corner. A double clothesline gets Bulldog out of trouble and there’s a dropkick to get rid of Sags (Heenan: “OH NO!”). Haku is in at #5 and goes after Flair (Heenan: “WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING HAKU??? HAVE YOU GONE NUTS???” You know, because HAKU is most well known for his calm, rational demeanor), who actually takes him down and drops a knee to the head. Bulldog gets rid of Flair and Shawn Michaels is in at #6.

A superkick drops Flair fast (not yet the big time finisher) and another….lands in the general vicinity of Bulldog’s head as Heenan wants a stiff drink. We also start the weird timing as Heenan says Flair has been in over ten minutes despite the match not even going for ten minutes yet. Tito Santana is in at #7 and has Flair upside down in the corner (Heenan: “PERFECT! GET OUT HERE!”).

Flair slips out and gives Santana a belly to back suplex, followed by a low blow to Bulldog (Heenan: “I’d do that to my grandmother if I had to!”). The Barbarian is in at #8 (Heenan: “When I managed him, he barely liked me!”) and everyone brawls around without much going on. The Texas Tornado is in at #9 and goes right after Flair as Heenan is sounding increasingly desperate. Things slow down even more (fair enough) as the Repo Man is in at #10, giving us Bulldog, Flair, Michaels, Santana Barbarian, Tornado and Repo Man.

Barbarian and Flair double team Tornado and it’s Greg Valentine (in his bizarre face run) at #11. Naturally he goes right for Flair as Heenan talks about how the Perfect Plan called for Flair to go no more than 30 minutes. Flair kicks Repo Man low and it’s Nikolai Volkoff (Heenan: “300 pound Lithuanian!”) in at #11. Valentine grabs the Figure Four on Flair (Heenan….well you can just imagine) as Volkoff is tossed out to clear some of the ring. The Big Boss Man is in at #12 to pick up the energy a bit.

There goes Valentine, with Repo Man and Bulldog following him. Tornado is out as well as Heenan is begging Flair to get away from Boss Man. Santana and Michaels are both out and it’s Hercules at #13. Flair chops at Barbarian (Heenan: “NO RIC!”) and gets gorilla pressed for his efforts. Hercules dumps Barbarian (saving Flair in the process) but gets tossed as well. Boss Man clotheslines Flair but misses a charge and gets low bridged out, leaving Flair alone in the ring.

It’s Roddy Piper in at #14 and Heenan is beside himself as Flair is in even bigger trouble. Piper beats him up and takes it to the floor to keep up the beating. Back in and it’s an airplane spin into the sleeper to knock Flair mostly out. Jake Roberts is in at #15 to sit in the corner as the sleeper continues. Roberts goes after Piper (Heenan: “Thank you Jake!”) before hitting the short arm clothesline (Heenan: “You no good….”). Piper makes the save (Heenan: “It’s not a skirt! It’s a kilt!”) and Flair puts the Figure Four on Roberts. That’s broken up by Piper (Heenan: “You no good skirt wearing…..”) and it’s Jim Duggan in at #16.

Even Monsoon is praising Flair’s conditioning at this point as Heenan thinks Hulk Hogan is behind the order of entrants. Duggan punches Flair into the corner as Roberts does the same to Piper. It’s IRS in at #17 and it’s a double noggin knocker from Duggan to Roberts/Flair, giving us a Flair Flop. Jimmy Snuka is in at #18 and he still looks weird in those long tights. Heenan: “He’s wasting time!” Monsoon: “He is not!” Heenan: “I don’t know what I’m saying anymore.”

Piper chops on Flair in the corner but hands him off to Roberts, who can’t get rid of him. The Undertaker is in at #20 and Heenan is….oddly kind of calm about it. That gives us Flair, Piper, Roberts, Duggan, IRS, Snuka and Undertaker, with Snuka being tossed almost immediately. Undertaker grabs Flair by the throat, with Heenan declaring that everything is over. Duggan saves Flair and gets kicked low by Undertaker (that’s a weird visual) as Randy Savage is in at #21, meaning Roberts bails straight to the floor (not out).

Undertaker jumps Savage from behind so Piper comes back in, only to get kneed over the top by Savage. Hold on though as Savage dives over the top to go after Roberts again….but Undertaker throws Savage back inside, apparently because he wasn’t THROWN over the top. Ignore that this goes against previously established rules, but since when has that mattered? Flair stomps on Savage in the corner and hits Undertaker low, the latter of which doesn’t seem to matter.

Berzerker is in at #22 and hammers on various people as Heenan panics at Flair going after Savage. Undertaker and Piper choke Flair until Virgil is in at #23. Flair survives an Undertaker elimination attempt and it’s Colonel Mustafa in at #24. Monsoon refers to Flair as “Martel” twice, even as Duggan punches Flair in the face. Piper beats on Flair in the corner and it’s Rick Martel in at #25.

Heenan thinks some of the bigger names have gotten some great luck in the drawing, again forgetting an announcement on Superstars that some of the bigger names were guaranteed later numbers. Mustafa is out and everyone brawls….until Hulk Hogan is in at #26 (Heenan: “OH MY GOD NO!”). The brawl is on again as Heenan starts bargaining with God to let Heenan win. Hogan gets rid of Undertaker and Berzerker back to back with Virgil and Duggan going out at the same time.

Skinner is in at #27 as Heenan thinks Flair should be the Real World’s Champion no matter what. Sgt. Slaughter is in at #28 as Skinner is out. Hogan and Piper go at it, with Monsoon sounding almost surprised because they’re friends, despite having one of the most famous rivalries in wrestling history. Flair officially sets the all time record as Sid Justice is in at #29 to quite the reaction.

More brawling ensues as Warlord is in at #30, giving us a final grouping of Flair, Piper, IRS, Savage, Martel, Hogan, Slaughter, Sid and Warlord. Hogan slams Flair at the top and they both roll outside (not eliminated) to fight some more outside. Sid dumps Slaughter as Monsoon can’t believe that Flair is still here. Granted he also thinks Flair has been here for an hour when we’re still coming up on an hour into the match.

Piper pulls IRS out by the tie and Sid dumps Warlord to get us down to six. Sid gets rid of Martel and Piper, leaving us with Savage, Sid, Hogan and Flair, which makes me want to play Super Wrestlemania. There goes Savage as well, leaving Hogan to punch Flair over the top. Hogan goes to dump him but Sid tosses Hogan instead. Ever the nice guy, Hogan grabs Sid’s arm because “you stole my belt”, allowing Flair to dump Sid (with Hogan’s help) for the win and the title at 1:02:02. Heenan: “YESx50!”

Rating: A. Yes it’s still great and it still works as well as probably any Rumble would for almost ten more years. Flair has a great performance in setting the record and never once seeming like he was laying around for any extended period of time. You also have a star studded lineup with all kinds of people feeling like dark horse candidates, meaning there was little down time. Then of course there’s Heenan, who has the call of a lifetime as you can picture him losing his mind at everything falling apart. Monsoon laughing at Heenan when Flair comes out early but then respecting Flair by the end is great too, making this a masterpiece.

Post match Hogan and Sid bicker a lot, setting up Wrestlemania. I remember watching this at around four years old and wondering why Hogan was upset when he was eliminated without breaking any rules. There was no reason for him to be angry over this and he was just whining.

In the back, Jack Tunney presents Ric Flair with the title, allowing Flair to give the incredible “with a tear in my eye” speech, talking about how this is the title that matters the most in the world. Flair, Perfect and Heenan all WOO in celebration. Perfect: “We’re not the kind of guys to say we told you so but….we told you so!” After Flair cracks up at that one (and Gene gets in the infamous “PUT THAT CIGARETTE OUT!”), Gene signs off and sends us to the highlight package to end the show.

Overall Rating: A-. This is a weird show as the main event is the ONLY thing that matters (though the Piper title win was a very nice moment) and everything else is pretty minor. The problem is one of those two matches is horrible and another is pretty bad, bringing the overall rating down a bit. That being said, this is the definition of a one match show and there is little reason to watch anything but the Intercontinental Title match and the main event. One is a feel good moment and the other is an all time classic, so we’ll call this quite the success.

WWF, 2022, 1992, Redo, Royal Rumble, New Foundation, Orient Express, Mountie, Roddy Piper, Jimmy Hart, Hulk Hogan, Bushwhackers, Beverly Brothers, Jamison, The Genius, Natural Disasters, Legion Of Doom, Ric Flair, Hulk Hogan, Sid Justice, Randy Savage, Undertaker

Ratings Comparison

New Foundation vs. Orient Express

Original: C+
2013 Redo: B-
2018 Redo: C
2023 Redo: C+

The Mountie vs. Roddy Piper

Original: B
2013 Redo: D
2018 Redo: D
2023 Redo: D+

Beverly Brothers vs. Bushwhackers

Original: F+
2013 Redo: T (The Worst Match In Royal Rumble History)
2018 Redo: F
2023 Redo: D-

Legion of Doom vs. Natural Disasters

Original: D
2013 Redo: D
2018 Redo: D
2023 Redo: D+

Royal Rumble

Original: A+
2013 Redo: A
2018 Redo: A-
2023 Redo: A

Overall Rating

Original: B
2013 Redo: B
2018 Redo: B
2023 Redo: A-

I’m pretty much done with this show after this one, though it’s still rather great.

No Mercy 2008
Date: October 5, 2008
Location: Rose Garden, Portland, Oregon
Attendance: 9,527
Commentators: Todd Grisham, Tazz, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Jim Ross

This is a rather top heavy show with a double main event of Shawn Michaels challenging Chris Jericho for the Raw World Title in a ladder match and HHH defending the Smackdown World Title against Jeff Hardy. While there is quite the gap between those matches as Jericho vs. Michaels is the undisputed real main event, there is also quite the gap down to the next big match, which is….I guess Big Show vs. Undertaker? Let’s get to it.

The opening video looks at a family in a stereotypical 1950s house where they’re said to have no problems and no worries, but also no mercy. That’s quite the stretch for an opening video theme but it switches into the usual opening montage. Then it cuts back to the family watching the show. Yeah that’s not their best work.

Special treat: Matt Striker isn’t here and Jerry Lawler is taking his place. Things are looking up! Well sounding up!

IMG Credit: WWE

ECW Title: Matt Hardy vs. Mark Henry

Henry, with Tony Atlas, is challenging after losing the title in a Championship Scramble last month and wanting his one on one rematch. Hardy gets powered into the corner to start and realizes he needs another idea. A headlock doesn’t work and Henry drops him with a shoulder. Henry backs Hardy into the corner for a knee to the ribs, followed by a rather hard clothesline.

Hardy goes after the knee and grabs a Robinsdale Crunch, followed by a cannonball down onto said leg. They go outside where Henry gets simple with Henry just shoving him down in a heap. A big boot drops Hardy for two and Henry drops down onto him for the same. The neck crank goes on for a bit, followed by a bearhug as Henry keeps going with the basic stuff (as he should).

Hardy fights out and tries a sunset flip for some reason, only to avoid a sitdown splash, banging up the knee again. The middle rope elbow to the back of the head into the Side Effect gets two but Henry runs him over again. The splash connects but Henry’s knee is in bad shape. Henry’s World’s Strongest Slam is broken up with a few shots to the leg and the Twist Of Fate retains the title at 8:02.

Rating: B-. It was a nice story with Hardy fighting through the monster and winning in the end after cutting Henry down. If Hardy was going to become the top star in ECW, he had to beat Henry one on one at some point and they made it work here. It was a good David vs. Goliath story, which still works if it’s done right and that was the case.

HHH and Jeff Hardy meet in the back but HHH is more interested in the mobile poll about who will win their match. Hardy wants some respect so HHH says he wants Hardy at his best. That way when HHH beats him tonight, he beats the best Hardy possible. Hardy promises to take the title.

Raw Women’s Title: Beth Phoenix vs. Candice Michelle

Phoenix is defending and has Santino Marella with him. Michelle kicks the leg out to start and hits a quick Fameasser, followed by a rollup for two. An enziguri staggers Phoenix again but she powers Michelle into the corner. Phoenix starts in on the arm and sends it into the buckle, setting up an arm crank. Michelle manages to slip out and slugs away, including a spinwheel kick (which didn’t seem to connect) for two.

Phoenix is right back with a DDT on the arm before going up (you don’t see that every day), where Michelle crotches her down just as fast. Marella has to make the save, allowing Phoenix to drop Michelle with a clothesline on the floor. Back in and Michelle is in trouble but Marella accidentally trips Phoenix for two. The Candy Wrapper is loaded up but Phoenix reverses into the Glam Slam to retain at 4:41.

Rating: C+. They didn’t have time, but there was something to Michelle giving Phoenix everything she could until the ending. At the end of the day though, Phoenix is likely going to smash through someone like Michelle, who was still figuring out a lot of stuff in the ring. Phoenix winning makes a lot more sense and it came after a better match than I was expecting.

Kane is ready to take Rey Mysterio’s mask and the facade that it represents. Then Mysterio and all of the people will see themselves as the monsters they really are.

Kane vs. Rey Mysterio

Kane has been going after Mysterio because he doesn’t like him wearing a mask. Thanks to a favor from Mike Adamle, Mysterio has to unmask if he loses. Mysterio goes with the kicks to start and knocks Kane outside, only to get booted in the face without much trouble. A dropkick looks to set up the 619 so Kane drops him with a hard clothesline. Mysterio is able to slip off Kane’s shoulder for a headscissors out to the floor. That’s fine with Kane, who sends him crashing into the barricade.

The chinlock goes on back inside, followed by a backbreaker with Mysterio being bent over Kane’s knee. With that broken up, Mysterio manages a spinning reverse DDT, plus a top rope standing moonsault press for two. Dropping The Time gives Mysterio two but he walks into a side slam. Another spinning DDT gives Mysterio a desperation two and he avoids a big boot in the corner. The 619 to the back puts Kane on the floor and Mysterio goes up, only to dive into a chair shot for the DQ (that looked GREAT) at 10:10.

Rating: B. The ending fits as Kane more about the violence and pain than anything else so having him do something that got him disqualified makes perfect sense. It helps that Mysterio got knocked absolutely silly by that chair shot and Kane looked happy with hurting him more than anything else. Good stuff here as Mysterio was trying to survive, though I could go with something other than a smaller hero fighting a powerhouse after seeing it three straight times.

MVP is annoyed at not having a match tonight and goes to knock on the Smackdown GM’s door. Instead of Vickie Guerrero, he finds Big Show, who isn’t interested in MVP’s problems. MVP keeps complaining but Show threatens to switch his focus from Undertaker to him. Guerrero calls Show into the office and MVP leaves.

Here is MVP in the arena for a chat. MVP doesn’t get why he’s being left on the sidelines for such a big event. Maybe being dropped on her head has messed with Vickie Guerrero’s mind…and here is Randy Orton to interrupt. Orton introduces himself and says he is what MVP believes himself to be. This seems to happen to MVP every month but MVP says he didn’t recognize Orton without his shoulder in a sling.

MVP says he never gets the ball, though Orton says if MVP ever got the ball, he would just drop it. Violence is teased but here are Ted DiBiase, Cody Rhodes and Manu to interrupt. Rhodes tries to talk to Orton, only to be cut off by a BORING chant. Rhodes sees Orton as the guy who was a big deal in high school but didn’t get into college and just stays around town, trying to be cool.

Orton brings up attacking CM Punk, which Manu says only happened after they did the hard work. Orton says that he’ll listen to them as soon as they’ve done half of what he does. MVP mocks Orton for walking out and praises the trio’s style. If he ever winds up on Raw, maybe they could do something. DiBiase doesn’t buy this because MVP’s dad wasn’t a star. MVP says he makes more money than all of them. DiBiase: “Hey genius. My father is the Million Dollar Man.”

Violence is teased again and MVP just leaves…but here are CM Punk and Kofi Kingston to interrupt. They talk to MVP, who seems interested in teaming up with them to go after the trio. The three of them charge the ring…but Punk and Kingston stay outside and let MVP get triple teamed. Then Punk and Kingston get in and make the save, leaving commentary a bit confused.

This has been your regularly scheduled fifteen minute detour from the regularly scheduled card.

IMG Credit: WWE

John Bradshaw Layfield vs. Batista

For a future Raw World Title shot and JBL is all depressed because he’s lost a lot of money in the stock market this week. Batista clotheslines him down and hits a running boot for an early two. JBL fights back and is speared outside in a heap as his slow start continues. They fight outside with JBL getting in a few right hands, followed by an elbow back inside. We hit the chinlock for a bit but Batista suplexes his way to freedom. Some clotheslines stagger JBL again and it’s off to the shoulders in the corner. The spinebuster and Batista Bomb finish JBL at 5:18.

Rating: B-. You know, I’ll take this over what could have been. I’ve seen enough of JBL and Batista having long, drawn out matches before and it’s not a pleasant experience. It’s nice to see them do a near squash match as no one bought JBL having a chance in the match anyway. Just do the simpler version for a change.

Post match Batista leaves and JBL talks about how bad his week has been. The reality is his heart wasn’t in this one tonight because Wall Street has given him the worst week of his life. After everything else though, he is the happiest man alive because Congress has bailed out people like him.

People like Barney Frank and Nancy Pelosi (members of Congress) understand that people like him make the world go around. Sure it may cost families $10,000 per household, but now he gets to keep his penthouse apartment at Central Park. Now he’s going to get in his limo and go back to New York. God bless you, God bless America, and God bless him! Cue Cryme Tyme on the Titantron, saying they’re going to bail out the limo, complete with the Divas and….Sgt. Slaughter, who apparently is just kept in storage in Portland until he’s needed! This was hilarious, with JBL’s promo being absolutely great.

We recap Undertaker vs. Big Show. Undertaker has been going after Vickie Guerrero, who apparently has Show in her back pocket. Show attacked Undertaker, who wants revenge, setting up the match. The build for this has involved showing the video of Show knocking Undertaker out approximately 4123 times.

Undertaker vs. Big Show

Undertaker slugs away to start and gets knocked outside but comes back with a headbutt. The Stunner over the top rope staggers Show, who is right back up to take Undertaker outside. The big right hands have Undertaker in trouble and Show whips him hard into the barricade. Show gets posted though and it’s the apron legdrop as JR thinks Show is in a hopeless state. Oregon is hopeless?

Undertaker’s big boot doesn’t do much to Show, who runs Undertaker over with a rather hard clothesline. Show slowly hammers away but misses a Vader Bomb, allowing Undertaker to come back with the right hands. The jumping clothesline drops Show and a legdrop gets two.

Old School is countered into a good looking chokeslam for two but another chokeslam is countered into a DDT for a delayed near fall. The turnbuckle pad is ripped off and Show sends him into the exposed buckle, followed by the KO Punch. Another KO sets up a third to the back of the head and the referee stops it at 10:05.

Rating: B. This was a shockingly good brawl as they beat the living daylights out of each other until even Undertaker couldn’t survive Show. That’s a heck of a lot better than I was expecting after the really dull build. Odds are it sets up a big gimmick match next month and if it’s like this, I have heard far worse ideas. Very nice surprise here.

Jeff Hardy wins the text poll 72%-28%. That’s a heck of a landslide.

We recap HHH defending the Smackdown World Title against Jeff Hardy. The idea is very simple: Hardy feels like the unstoppable force on the way to the title but HHH is a heck of a champion. Hardy keeps getting closer and closer and it feels like when rather than if he wins the title.

IMG Credit: WWE

Smackdown World Title: HHH vs. Jeff Hardy

HHH is defending and we get a handshake before the bell, but HHH jumps him from behind. Hardy grabs a headlock but gets reversed into a headscissors, meaning it’s time to go back to the headlock. The grinding doesn’t keep HHH down long as he’s back up with an elbow to the face. Hardy sends him outside for an apron clothesline, followed by a slingshot legdrop and another headlock takeover.

HHH is back up and tries the Pedigree but gets backdropped out to the floor for the big crash. The big flip dive misses though and Hardy’s back is banged up. Back in and a backbreaker sets up some elbows to said back, followed by the abdominal stretch. The referee catches HHH holding the rope though and it’s off to the sleeper. That’s broken up as well and Hardy hits a running sleeper drop.

A basement dropkick gives Hardy two and he sends HHH outside for the big flip dive. Back in and the Twist Of Fate is countered into a heck of a clothesline to give HHH two of his own. For some reason HHH goes up, only to dive into a sitout gordbuster for two more as the fans are getting even more into this.

The spinning middle rope crossbody is slammed out of the air to give HHH two more but he gets catapulted into the corner. Hardy’s Whisper In The Wind gets two more as they’re going back and forth with the counts getting closer and closer. The Swanton misses but Hardy is right back with the Twist Of Fate. The Swanton connects…but Hardy lays back on him and gets rolled up for the pin to retain the title at 17:02.

Rating: B+. This was turning into a slugfest at the end as they were going move for move with each other until Hardy hit his big move. It’s Hardy somehow getting one step closer to the title but not being able to get there, even with the fans being along with him every step of the way. I was only kind of interested in this match coming in and they had me totally hooked by about the halfway point. Awesome match here, as these two had some very good chemistry.

Post match Hardy is devastated but they shake hands. HHH heads to the back, where he is congratulated by Arn Anderson and Vladimir Kozlov. One of these is interesting while the other is Russian.

We recap Chris Jericho vs. Shawn Michaels for the Raw World Title. They had been having the feud of the year and then Jericho won the title, the same night Michaels had beat him. You put one and one together and throw in a ladder and you have a nearly guaranteed awesome match.

IMG Credit: WWE

Raw World Title: Shawn Michaels vs. Chris Jericho

Jericho is defending in a ladder match. Michaels grabs a headlock to start fast before threatening a superkick. Jericho is back to cut Michaels off from getting the ladder and sends him into the post. The ladder is pulled towards the ring but Michaels hits a drop toehold into the ladder onto the floor. That earns Michaels a Walls Of Jericho on the floor and the ladder is brought inside, where it is teeter tottered into Jericho’s face.

Back in and Jericho tries the Walls again but winds up catapulting Michaels onto the ladder. Said ladder is turned over though and Michaels goes crashing into the rope. Jericho’s face is busted open as he hits Michaels in the ribs with a ladder. Another ladder is brought in but Michaels gets in a shot of his own. Jericho gets dropped knee first onto the ladder and the Figure Four goes on.

With that broken up, Jericho kicks a ladder around to send it into Michaels’ face for a nasty crash. Another catapult sends Michaels face first into the ladder and Jericho puts him in said ladder for something of a Ladderairto. The ladder is sat on the top rope but Jericho gets sent into it, sending him crashing out to the floor. Michaels throws the ladder down onto him, as he would rather hurt Jericho rather than win the title. It’s time for the big ladder (uh oh) on the floor and Michaels loads up the announcers’ table (uh oh again).

Michaels takes too long going up and Jericho catches him with a belly to back superplex…but Michaels turns on it for the crossbody through the table and the massive crash. They slowly get back up and Michaels heads up top with a ladder, which is dropkicked into him for the crotching. Michaels is able to knock it down onto him though and the top rope elbow onto the ladder onto Jericho leaves them both laying. Sweet Chin Music is blocked with a ladder shot to the face (OUCH) and Michaels is down, setting up the Lionsault onto the ladder onto Michaels.

Jericho pins Michaels underneath the ladder and goes up but Michaels shoves the ladder over, sending Jericho WAY down onto the floor for a crazy crash. The slow climb is on, only to Jericho to knock the ladder (and Michaels) over again for a massive crash into the ropes. They both go up but Jericho gets knocked down, with his leg hanging in the ladder.

Cue Lance Cade to cut Michaels off so Michaels snaps off the superkick. Jericho is back up so Michaels goes to meet him on top and they grab the belt. The title comes unhooked as it’s a tug of war in the air but the bigger part is on Jericho’s side. Jericho is holding on with just the belt holding him up but manages to hit Michaels in the head and retain at 22:21.

Rating: A. This match had all of the stakes and build coming in and then they completely exceeded expectations. This was an absolute war as they beat the living daylights out of each other. It was a perfect mixture of being about the title and revenge, which made things that much better. Michaels is as good as it gets with making you believe that he might pull something off and he more than did it again here. I got pulled all the way into this again, which says a lot as I’ve seen it a few times now. Definitely check this out if you get the chance.

Overall Rating: A-. The worst match on the show is a five minute match between Beth Phoenix and Candice Michelle, which wound up being completely fine. The last two matches (and you could add in Big Show vs. Undertaker) are absolutely great, with the main event being an instant classic. It’s one of the better WWE shows in a very long time and is more than worth a look if you’re looking for something from this era. Great show.

Remember to follow me on Twitter and Bluesky @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Saturday Night’s Main Event #30
Date: February 8, 1992
Location: Lubbock Municipal Coliseum, Lubbock, Texas
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Bobby Heenan

This isn’t exactly a great time for the show but it’s certainly a star studded show. We’re coming up on Wrestlemania VIII and the big story is that Hulk Hogan is scheduled to get the WWF Title shot against Ric Flair. Sid Justice isn’t happy about Hogan getting the chance and they happen to be teaming up against Flair and Undertaker. Let’s get to it.

We get a rather generic opening sequence showing some of the bigger names on the show. This is very early 90s.

Intercontinental Title: Roddy Piper vs. The Mountie

Piper is defending, which isn’t something you often get to say and Jimmy Hart is here with Mountie. Hart steals the belt before the match so Piper (wrestling in a shirt) sends both of them outside for a double noggin knocker. Back in and Mountie ties him in the Tree of Woe to kick away as we get some comments from Bret Hart, who gets the winner at Wrestlemania (he doesn’t care who he faces).

The referee gets bumped and Mountie hits a piledriver, but Hart hands him some water. Mountie pours the water on Piper and then uses the shock stick…but Piper pops up. A right hand drops Mountie and Piper steals the shock stick to knock him out instead. As luck would have it, the referee is up and Piper retains at 3:31.

Rating: C. The match was nothing special but the point was in the surprise of Piper jumping up after the shock stick. Piper had already gotten his big moment of winning the title at the Royal Rumble so this was just a bit of a bonus. Mountie wasn’t going to a long term star around the title picture so having him lose to Piper twice in a row is fine.

Post match Piper takes off his shirt to reveal a vest labeled SHOCK PROOF. Yep, that’s rather fitting of someone as smart as Piper.

We look at the end of the Royal Rumble, with Sid Justice dumping Hulk Hogan but getting tossed by Ric Flair for the win. Note the VERY dubbed audio that has the fans chanting for Hogan, which was absolutely not the case in real time. Sid and Hogan got into it after the match and had to be held apart. Then Hogan got the title shot anyway because…well because Jack Tunney was kind of a goof. Sid was rightfully livid and thinks he’s getting cheated because he’s the newcomer.

But then earlier today, Sid apologized for going too far, especially against Hogan. Uh, right.

Hogan and Sid seem to be ok, but Sid doesn’t get to talk because Hogan wants to talk about going to Wrestlemania. Sid just leaves as Hogan talks and yeah, Hogan has earned whatever he has coming to him.

Ric Flair/Undertaker vs. Sid Justice/Hulk Hogan

Mr. Perfect and Paul Bearer are here with the villains and Hogan brings out Brutus Beefcake as a surprise. Flair and Sid start things off with Sid hitting a big backdrop into a hiptoss. That’s enough to send Flair outside where he seems to be limping a bit, which is made worse as Hogan backdrops and hiptosses him as well.

Undertaker gets hiptossed and it’s back to Sid, who slams him down. Hogan comes back in with a pair of slams as he keeps doing the same things Sid does, but more. Undertaker manages to get in a shot to Sid though and a double clothesline gets two. A double atomic drop puts Sid down again as the villains take over. Hogan makes another save as everything breaks down, with Hogan telling Sid what to do. A double big boot and a double clothesline clear the ring as we take a break.

We come back with Undertaker sneaking up on Sid to take over. Sid gets taken into the corner and Undertaker even gets in a top rope right hand. A double noggin knocker gets Sid out of trouble and Hogan comes in to clean house. Perfect grabs the leg though and Flair gets to start in on the knee.

The Figure Four goes on and Sid isn’t even looking at the ring. Hogan turns it over and escapes as Sid is looking bored on the apron. Undertaker comes back in for the jumping clothesline as Beefcake begs Sid to get in the ring and help. Flair comes in and chops away, which of course triggers the Hulk Up. Hogan knocks them both down and goes for the tag but Sid walks out. The double teaming continues until it’s a DQ at 11:35.

Rating: C. I’ve been a Hogan fan since before I can remember and he’s the reason I got into wrestling in the first place. Watching this match back made me want to see Sid punch him in the mouth. Hogan was an absolute jerk to Sid, both here and at the Rumble (plus in the pre-match promo) and deserved everything that happened to him. And he never even learns as this is eerily similar to what happened with Paul Orndorff six years earlier!

Post match Hogan beats both of them up as Beefcake gets in the ring to watch. Well of course Hogan can just do that.

In the back, Sid isn’t sorry for what happened because Hogan couldn’t beat Flair or himself on his best day.

Post break, Hogan says Sid turned his back on everyone, but thank goodness for Brutus Beefcake (who did….nothing), who was always there for him. Beefcake thanks Hogan for being there in the hospital with him and Hogan dedicates his title match at Wrestlemania (which didn’t happen) to Beefcake, who only had a quick cameo at the show. Of note: this was clearly taped before the match, as Hogan isn’t even sweating just a few minutes after a match.

Sgt. Slaughter/Jim Duggan vs. Beverly Brothers

Duggan backs Blake into the corner to start but gets whipped into…Slaughter, who blocks Duggan from hitting the buckle. The Genius gets in a cheap scroll shot to Duggan and Blake jumps over Beau onto Duggan’s back. Duggan fights out and hands it off to Slaughter, who grabs an abdominal stretch of all things. Everything breaks down and Duggan hits a clothesline for the pin (with the camera looking at Duggan rather than Slaughter’s cover) at 2:39. Nothing to this one.

Randy Savage talks about Jake Roberts making him inside. Oh Randy that ship sailed a long time ago.

Jake Roberts vs. Randy Savage

Savage jumps him from behind to start and sends Roberts into the post, possibly breaking Roberts’ nose. They get inside with Savage hammering away but a poke to the eye cuts him off. Savage is sent outside but comes back in, where Roberts sends him into the buckle. And then outside again. Roberts sends him into the barricade and we take a break. We come back with Savage crawling back inside, where Roberts punches him out of the air and hits the DDT. The short arm clothesline lets Roberts applaud a bit but the DDT is countered with a backdrop to the floor. Back in and the big elbow finishes Roberts at 5:25.

Rating: B-. These two always seemed like they were ready to kill each other but they never had that one huge match. The one at Tuesday In Texas was white hot but it only works so well with such a short amount of time. At least Savage got the pin and survived the DDT, which really should be the end of the feud.

Post match Savage grabs his trusty ring bell but referees and agents cut him off. Elizabeth comes out to celebrate with Savage…as Roberts is waiting on them behind the curtain after the show. While it wasn’t shown here (but later aired on Superstars), Roberts grabbed a chair and was going to smash one of them as they came through the curtain.

That would be Elizabeth, but Undertaker of all people grabbed the chair from him, allowing Elizabeth to escape and Savage to chair Roberts down. Commentary sold the heck out of this, with both of them swearing, as Vince even called Sid a son of a b****. And that’s how Undertaker turned face in an awesome segment that showed there was a point even he wouldn’t cross.

Overall Rating: C+. You could tell that the steam was WAY out of Saturday Night’s Main Event at this point but this one did at least set up a few things at Wrestlemania. The wrestling wasn’t much to see though and the Hogan praise was insufferable. The good thing is it only ran an hour, as this was all about the angles and that wasn’t going to last much longer. We got enough Hogan stuff just in this show, and thank goodness he was leaving soon after this because it was almost impossible to take. Not a great show, but it did serve a purpose.

Remember to follow me on Twitter and Bluesky @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Backlash 2008
Date: April 27, 2008
Location: 1st Mariner Arena, Baltimore, Maryland
Attendance: 11,277
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Mick Foley, Tazz, Mike Adamle

It’s the show after Wrestlemania XXIV and that means it’s time to see where things have gone since the biggest show of the year. That should make for a good night, with Randy Orton defending the Raw World Title in a four way. That’s the kind of match that could go in a few directions but hopefully it lives up to what should be a safe amount of hype. Let’s get to it.

The opening video looks at Wrestlemania and everything that has happened since then. Beware the Backlash. That might not be the best tagline, as you probably shouldn’t be scared of the show you’re about to watch.

Commentary welcomes us to the show, including the debuting Mick Foley.

US Title: MVP vs. Matt Hardy

Hardy is challenging after a LONG story between the two, which involved a pizza eating concept. MVP dives after the leg to start fast but Hardy is right back with the threat of a right hand to send MVP outside. Back in and a hiptoss gives Hardy two, followed by an elbow drop for two (with commentary pointing out that it’s more about wearing MVP down than trying to get a win, which makes sense).

Hardy’s headlock doesn’t get him very far so he goes with a middle rope elbow to the back of the head for two instead. MVP hits him in the back though and grabs a belly to back suplex for two. Hardy is able to knock him off the top but a moonsault hits raised knees. A seated abdominal stretch has Hardy in more trouble and MVP pulls him down by the hair for a bonus.

The regular abdominal stretch (naturally holding the rope) stays on Hardy’s ribs, as do a series of elbow drops. A fireman’s carry faceplant only seems to wake Hardy up as he hits a clothesline. The Playmaker is countered into a Side Effect but MVP is able to crotch him on top. MVP goes up with him, with Hardy grabbing a super Side Effect for a delayed two. Back up and MVP catches him in the corner, followed by the running big boot to send Hardy outside. Hardy beats the count so MVP goes back to the ribs. The big boot in the corner misses though and Hardy grabs the Twist Of Fate for the pin at 11:26.

Rating: B. This was the culmination of a long story and what matters the most is that Hardy got the win, just as he should have. The whole point of the thing was that they finally had to have a match where Hardy got the belt. It worked well and was a good match on top of the story, so nice job all around.

Post ads, Matt Hardy talks about how this is the biggest win of his career because he worked so hard to get here. Now, all that matters is that he’s better than MVP.

ECW Title: Kane vs. Chavo Guerrero

Guerrero, with Bam Neely, is challenging after losing the title to Kane in eight seconds at Wrestlemania. Kane wastes no time in taking him into the corner for the big right hands. A basement dropkick connects but bangs up Kane’s recently tweaked (by Guerrero and company) knee. The knee is fine enough for a charge into the corner but Guerrero sends him face first into the buckle.

Guerrero hammers away and is quickly tossed outside in a heap. Kane sends him into the apron but the top rope clothesline is broken up, with Kane hurting his knee again. The knee is wrapped around the post, which the referee doesn’t seem to mind. Granted he doesn’t see it when Neely does it as well, though I can’t imagine he would approve. Guerrero goes up but gets caught in an electric chair for a heck of a crash to leave them both down.

Back up and one heck of a big boot drops Guerrero, followed by the side slam for two. Now the top rope clothesline (almost a top rope punch) drops Guerrero again but he manages a much needed tornado DDT for two of his own. Guerrero goes after the knee again and the frog splash connects…with Kane catching him by the throat for the chokeslam to retain at 8:49.

Rating: C+. They were working through quite the problem here, as there is only so much you can do with these two. It’s hard to imagine that Guerrero is going to be a major threat to Kane and since Neely was pretty much useless, there wasn’t much that Guerrero could do. Kane wins a straight up match despite having his knee injury and that should move him on towards someone new, as Guerrero has been vanquished.

Sidenote: dang Kane’s theme song was awesome.

Randy Orton knows the rules of the main event and says the Age Of Orton is a reality. Tonight’s reality will be the same when he walks out as the champion.

We get a tale of the tape of Big Show vs. Great Khali. Foley: “Cole what size shoe do you wear?” Cole: “Nine.” Foley: “That’s smaller than the shoe print of the shoes Coach left for me to fill!”

Great Khali vs. Big Show

The cameraman is smart enough to shoot up at them to make the staredown look even bigger. They shove each other to start and then slug it out with Show getting a slight advantage. Some headbutts rock Khali but he’s back with a clothesline to put Show down for the first time. Khali knocks him outside with another clothesline, followed by a boot to the head back inside. Something close to a crossface has Show in trouble and Cole can never remember him tapping out. Well…..other than probably to Cena, he might not have.

Show fights up but can’t get a slam as Khali falls down on top of him. That means a nerve hold (no, you don’t have to ask Khali twice for that one) for a bit, followed by Khali’s big chop for two. Show fights up and now the slam connects for two. Khali knocks him against the rope and tries a chokebomb but Show powers out and hits the chokeslam for the win at 8:06.

Rating: C-. This was never going to be some kind of a mat classic, but at the same time, it also wasn’t a terrible match. Instead it was more just slow and plodding than anything else. The match existed for the sake of having two giants go at it and do their big person stuff. That worked well enough, though it could have been a few minutes shorter.

John Cena talks country music with Jimmy Wang Yang when Randy Orton interrupts. Orton promises that Cena will lose tonight and go home disappointed, just like at Wrestlemania. Cena promises to leave Orton a broken man.

We recap Shawn Michaels vs. Batista. Michaels retired Ric Flair at Wrestlemania and Batista is unhappy, with Michaels giving the logical response: he gave his best, just like Flair wanted him to. Batista was upset at Michaels for getting rid of Flair because Flair has to be the big focal point. At the same time you have special referee Chris Jericho, who is stirring up some issues, even accusing Michaels of wanting to get rid of Flair.

Shawn Michaels vs. Batista

Chris Jericho is guest referee. JR: “This match has global significance.” Nice try but….come on. Batista misses a shot in the corner and gets punched in the face but the threat of a Batista Bomb sends Michaels scurrying. Back in and Michaels starts kicking at the legs but has to duck a clothesline in the corner. Another ducking doesn’t go so well and Batista gets to stomp away, only for Michaels to use a Ric Flair chop block.

A short armscissors goes on and Michaels cranks away for a good while until Batista does the standard standing counter. Instead of slamming Michaels down though, they crash over the top and out to the floor in quite the heap. Michaels sends the banged up arm into the post and a hammerlock goes on back inside. Batista gets to the rope so Michaels is right back to the bad arm.

An armbar over the ropes keeps Batista in trouble, followed by something close to a Kimura. A Samoan drop breaks Batista out this time and he whips Michaels upside down in the corner. The big running clothesline turns Michaels inside out but he’s able to reverse a Batista Bomb into the crossface. Michaels is smart enough to take him back into the middle of the ring but Batista finally makes the rope. Jericho has to physically break the hold and that is not cool with the fans.

A side slam gives Batista two and Michaels nips up, only to get speared down for two more in a nice sequence. Michaels is able to knock him out of the air and hit the big elbow and Batista is in trouble again. The superkick is countered with a spinebuster and the Batista Bomb is loaded up…but Michaels hurts his knee on the counter. Batista is backed away but goes after Michaels anyway, walking right into the superkick to give Michaels the pin at 15:00.

Rating: B. This was a well put together, logical match as Michaels broke down the machine just enough to stay alive until the ending. The idea here was that Batista wanted to destroy Michaels to get revenge but Michaels is just a better wrestler and knew how to pick him apart by being patient. Well that and then cheating in the end, which is a rather Michaels/Flair thing to do. Michaels throwing in quite a few Flair bits made it even better, though this was just the start of a VERY long story, which would get a lot better. Jericho was only so much of a factor here, but that would change rather soon.

Post match Michaels needs Jericho and another referee to help him out.

Randy Orton comes in to see HHH, who will NOT succeed tonight. HHH says pride comes before the fall.

Beth Phoenix/Melina/Jillian/Victoria/Natalya/Layla vs. Ashley Massaro/Cherry/Kelly Kelly/Maria/Michelle McCool/Mickie James

Get them all on the card match. Phoenix shoves McCool down to start and blocks a belly to belly suplex attempt. Melina comes in for a faceplant into a Last Chancery before throwing her down again. McCool manages a basement dropkick and brings the screaming Melina to the corner for the tag off to James. A hurricanrana out of the corner drops Melina, as does a running clothesline. Natalya (in her pay per view debut) comes in and gets neckbreakered down for two as we go over her family tree.

Cherry is knocked off the apron before Victoria comes in for the dancing moonsault. Natalya gets pulled off the apron by Cherry and it’s time for the big brawl at ringside. We settle down to Massaro hurricanranaing Jillian for two before Phoenix comes in for a chinlock. The double chicken wing is broken up and James comes in with a tornado DDT. Victoria drops James with the Widow’s Peak and it’s time for the parade of knockdowns. Phoenix fisherman’s busters Massaro for the pin at 6:30.

Rating: D+. As is so often the case with a match like this, what are they supposed to do? They have about six and a half minutes for twelve women to get in there and do something. You can only get so far with that kind of a situation, especially when Phoenix is the focal point of one of the teams. In other words, cut down the lineup by about half and it’s a lot better.

We recap Edge vs. the Undertaker for the Smackdown World Title. Undertaker took the title from Edge in the main event of Wrestlemania and Edge wants it back. Therefore, he went to a spa with Vickie Guerrero and is promising to get the title back for her. In other words, it’s a pretty basic rematch.

Smackdown World Title: Undertaker vs. Edge

Undertaker is defending and dang that Big Gold Belt looks perfect on him. We get the Big Match Intros and Undertaker mouths “I’m going to hurt you”, which has Foley going through some flashbacks. Edge gets shoved to the floor to start and it’s already time for a breather. A shoulder drops Edge again and Undertaker slugs away in the corner. Edge tries to fight back and he is promptly launched into the corner for the right hands.

Undertaker starts in on the arm, which is sent into the corner to keep Edge in trouble. They head outside with Edge’s back being sent into various hard object, including Snake Eyes onto the steps. The boot to the head has Edge in more trouble and there’s the apron legdrop. That seems to damage Undertaker’s back though and Edge grabs a bodyscissors to hold him down. Undertaker’s solution, as tends to be his custom, is to punch Edge in the face but Edge is right back on the back.

A baseball slide to said back puts him on the floor and it’s a camel clutch back inside. Undertaker powers up but falls right back down, thankfully sending them to the ropes. Edge tries it again so Undertaker just drops down onto him, which is as effective as you would expect. They trade shots to the face until Undertaker punches him down, followed by Snake Eyes. The big boot and elbow get two but Old School is broken up. Edge goes up but is smart enough to avoid a super Last Ride.

Undertaker slams him down anyway, only to go up (oh dear) and miss a not great looking top rope elbow. Edge goes up again and gets chokeslammed back down for quite the crash. Back up and Edge manages to get a turnbuckle pad off and ram the bad back into the buckle…so here is Curt Hawkins with a belt shot to make it worse. The spear is countered into a DDT so here is Zack Ryder, who is knocked off the apron just as fast. The yet to be named Hell’s Gate retains the title at 18:25.

Rating: B. All of the cheating at the end brought it down a bit as there was only so much to be gained from Edge’s usual bag of tricks. At the same time, it didn’t have quite the same amount of drama as their Wrestlemania classic. As it is, it’s just good, which is still a solid result, even if it’s kind of a letdown. In other words, the first match was excellent and this one not so much.

Post match Undertaker won’t let go until Vickie Guerrero is wheeled out. Undertaker finally lets go and Edge has to be taken out on a stretcher. This would result in Vickie stripping Undertaker of the title the next week on Smackdown.

Randy Orton goes to JBL’s dressing room but runs into Mr. Money In The Bank, CM Punk, who wishes him good luck tonight.

We recap the Raw World Title, which is about Randy Orton trying to convince us that we’re in the Age Of Orton, which isn’t exactly clicking. Tonight, he’s facing three challengers in an attempt to make him feel more like a big deal.

Raw World Title: Randy Orton vs. John Bradshaw Layfield vs. HHH vs. John Cena

Orton is defending under elimination rules and charges at JBL to start. JBL tries to hammer away but Cena is right back to knock him down. HHH sends Cena outside and Orton is whipped into him for a crash into the announcers’ table. Back in and the villains beat up HHH but he double clotheslines his way out of trouble. HHH sends JBL outside and into the steps but the Pedigree is broken up.

Cena is back in to take over on Orton and the fans are NOT pleased. The top rope Fameasser connects and the STFU goes on, with JBL…realizing that making a save would be kind of dumb so HHH grabs a crossface on JBL instead. Orton goes to the eye to break out and then yells at JBL, only for Cena to knock Orton into him for the break.

Orton actually goes up top and since it’s not 2004, he gets crotched right back down, setting up a Tower Of Doom for two each on Orton and JBL. The release fisherman’s suplex gives Cena two on HHH, who spinebusters him right back. HHH avoids an FU so Cena gives it to JBL instead. The STFU gets rid of JBL at 10:30.

Orton immediately Punts Cena though and we’re down to two at 10:42. So it’s HHH vs. Orton and they stare each other down until HHH grabs a suplex. The knee drop gets two and Orton is tossed outside for the required brawling. HHH is sent into the steps and a catapult sends him over the barricade in a big crash.

Back in and Orton slowly starts stomping away (shocking I know), including the knee drop to the back for two. The chinlock goes on for a good while until HHH fights up, only to get powerslammed back down. The RKO is shoved away though and they’re both down for a bit. They get back up and HHH’s jumping knee drops Orton again, followed by the facebuster for two.

HHH takes him outside and over the announcers’ table for the big crash. That’s not enough so Orton gets dropped onto the steps and they head back inside. The Pedigree is countered and an RKO connects but Orton can’t immediately cover. The VERY delayed cover gets two but a Punt and RKO are both blocked, setting up a Pedigree to give HHH the title back at 28:12.

Rating: B. They kind of followed the Wrestlemania 2000 main event formula here and that’s quite the odd choice as that match wasn’t exactly much to see. Cena and JBL were both knocked out in a hurry and then it was nearly twenty minutes of HHH vs. Orton. I’m fine with HHH getting the title back, but it would be better to have the match actually feel like a four way rather than a singles match with some window dressing. The action was good, but just cut out Cena and JBL if this is what you were going for here.

Overall Rating: B+. This was a solid show with the big matches delivering and only a few of them not being worthwhile. It’s a solid follow up to Wrestlemania as they’re continuing a bunch of the stories while also taking some things into another direction. I liked this more than I was expecting to and it held up on another viewing here so well done.

Remember to follow me on Twitter and Bluesky @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Survivor Series 2024
Date: November 30, 2024
Location: Rogers Arena, Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada
Commentators: Corey Graves, Michael Cole

It’s time to put some people in a cage big enough to wrap around a pair of rings. That’s pretty much all you need to know here, as you have Roman Reigns and the Bloodline facing Solo Sikoa and his version of the same thing. Normally I would say what else is going on here, but it’s not like anything else really matters. Let’s get to it.

Since we’re going to have two of them, here are the WarGames rules:

Two wrestlers start and fight for five minutes.

After five minutes, the team with the advantage (as determined before the match) gets a three minute advantage.

The teams alternate until all ten are in and then it’s first pin/submission to win.

The opening video looks at WarGames, mainly focusing on the men’s version. Nothing outside of WarGames is even mentioned.

The cage is lowered.

Team Ripley vs. Team Morgan

Rhea Ripley, Bianca Belair, Naomi, Iyo Sky, Bayley
Liv Morgan, Raquel Rodriguez, Nia Jax, Tiffany Stratton, Candice LeRae

Bayley and Jax start things off with Bayley firing off the forearms. Jax charges into a boot in the corner and Bayley knocks her into the space between the rings. Some more forearms have Jax in trouble and Bayley gets smart by taking off part of her gear for some whipping. Unfortunately Jax takes it away and whips her right back to take over. The running hip attack rocks Bayley and Jax runs her over for a bonus.

Another hip attack crushes Bayley against the cage and it’s Naomi in….wearing a birthday hat and grabbing a colorful kendo stick…and a toilet seat. Oh here we go. Anyway Naomi strikes and kicks away at Jax and Bayley is back up as the fans chant HAPPY BIRTHDAY, which kind of takes away the violent thing. Jax is sent into the corner, where the toilet seat is put around her neck for the hips to the face from Naomi. Because of course.

Stratton is supposed to be in to even it up but LeRae comes in instead. She throws in a bunch of chairs before getting in herself, though thankfully everyone was standing around waiting on her anyway. That’s broken up rather quickly and the chairs are set up with another one bridged between them. Jax is back up and lays Bayley onto them for a very save moonsault from LeRae.

Belair is here to get the advantage back and she grabs a trashcan…and then gets a fire extinguisher. She’s STILL not in as she also finds a table, because we need about eight weapons in the double cage. That’s not enough either as she grabs another chair (because the five or so inside weren’t enough), which believe it or not somehow doesn’t let the villains take over. Instead Belair FINALLY gets in and helps beat Jax down, with the stomping slowly ensuing. Since it took Belair so long to get in, it’s already time for Stratton, who gets a trashcan and lid.

Belair gets clocked with the lid and Bayley is catapulted into Jax’s vicinity for a clothesline. Naomi gets crushed by the big legdrop and a middle rope G9 hits Belair. Some chair shots have Jax down and it’s Sky…running all the way over to the other side of the ring to find a purple trashcan. It comes with a rope attached so she can climb up with the can on her back, but LeRae is there to meet her.

Sky tries a sunset bomb but can’t make it work, eventually landing in the ring nearly two minutes after her entrance. A missile dropkick cuts LeRae down and it’s a flip off between Sky and Stratton (“I can do that too!”). The Bullet Train connects in the corners until Jax runs Sky over. Rodriguez is in to even things up again and she pulls out a table, which she leaves on the floor. Thankfully she gets in because NO ONE IS DOING ANYTHING.

Jax and Rodriguez powerbomb people into the cage and onto each other until it’s Ripley in to complete her team (with a horned facemask as a bonus). Ripley brings the table in and gets to clean house as her partners get up. Jax and Rodriguez are knocked into the corner with weapons, including the toilet seat and Bayley using Belair’s hair as a whip in a great spot. LeRae and Rodriguez get in a few shots, but it’s Ripley standing alone as Morgan is supposed to come in, only to be scared to death instead.

Morgan teases leaving but comes back with a baseball mat and gets inside, meaning the match is officially on and can end at any time. Ripley takes off the facemask and says bring it, before easily disarming Morgan. The Riptide is broken up though and Ripley is held for some baseball bat shots to the ribs. That’s broken up and we hit the parade of knockdowns until Jax Samoan drops Bayley for two.

Sky and Stratton both head up, with Sky putting on the trashcan, before they both flip dive onto a pile of people in different rings. There’s your big spot, and it allows Stratton to pull out…the Money In The Bank briefcase, as both Jax and Morgan (the reigning champions) are both down. Sky breaks that up with a blast from the fire extinguisher and Ripley handcuffs Rodriguez to a rope.

Jax cuts Ripley off though and drops a leg on Belair for two. Bayley vs. Sky is teased but quickly cut off by Jax, who doesn’t like the idea of fun. The Annihilator is loaded up but turned into a double powerbomb through a table. Riptide is broken up by the handcuffed Rodriguez and Morgan Codebreakers a chair into Ripley’s face. They go up top and Ripley fights back, with a super Riptide through a table finishing Morgan at 38:05.

Rating: C-. Yeah this hasn’t gotten any better in a year, as it was much more about getting in spots than anything else. There were so many sections that were little more than waiting around for someone to come in, which just made the match feel long. It had a few moments, but forgive me for not getting into stuff with a toilet seat and Belair taking so long to pick out various weapons. Cut out a lot of time and it’s better, which is rarely a good sign.

We recap LA Knight defending the US Title against Shinsuke Nakamura. Knight is the popular champion but Nakamura returned and attacked him, setting up the title match.

US Title: Shinsuke Nakamura vs. LA Knight

Knight is defending and backs away from some early kicks. Nakamura takes him down for a kick to the back but Knight is right back with the stomps in the corner. They go outside with Knight ramming him into the apron, followed by a ribs first drop over the top back inside. Nakamura goes simple by kicking him in the face for two and the slow kicks have Knight in more trouble.

Knight pops back up and blocks a spinning kick, setting up a Burning Hammer of all things for two. They go up top, where Knight slips a bit, allowing Nakamura to kick him back down. A belly to back superplex flipped into a faceplant gives Nakamura two but Knight knocks him right back down. The jumping top rope elbow connects but Nakamura bails from the threat of a BFT. They fight between the rings, where Nakamura manages a reverse DDT. Kinshasa gives Nakamura the title at 9:47.

Rating: C+. I couldn’t quite get into this one, as they never got out of the low gears. Knight losing is a bit weird as well, as he was on fire at this point and Nakamura just popped up and won the title. If nothing else, it does give Knight a fresh target, but it’s kind of a weird way to get there.

We recap the Intercontinental Title triple threat. Bron Breakker is the unstoppable monster, Sheamus is the old fighter wanting the title and Ludwig Kaiser is here to make it a triple threat.

Intercontinental Title: Bron Breakker vs. Sheamus vs. Ludwig Kaiser

Breakker is defending. Kaiser gets smart by heading outside, leaving the other two to slug it out. That doesn’t last long as Kaiser comes back in and gets planted so Sheamus Irish Curses Breakker. Kaiser breaks up a powerbomb and wedges a chair into the corner, earning himself a double beating. Breakker isn’t about to let Sheamus hit the ten forearms but Kaiser breaks up the running spear.

Sheamus is dropkicked into the steps and rammed into the announcers’ table, only for Breakker to suplex Kaiser on the floor. Back in and Breakker knocks Sheamus down again, meaning it’s time for the Scott Steiner pushups. Sheamus fights back so Kaiser makes the save and they all go outside. Sheamus and Kaiser fight on the announcers’ table, with Breakker diving off the apron for a double clothesline.

Kaiser breaks out of a gorilla press with a rake to the eyes….but Sheamus rises up (great visual) for the ten forearms to the chest. Breakker tries to cut it off and gets forearmed as well. Sheamus’ double clothesline off the barricade drops them both so Kaiser grabs the shillelagh. You never take another man’s shillelagh so Sheamus clotheslines him over the barricade and throws it down, leaving him to go after Breakker.

Sheamus gets the better of the brawl and hits a Celtic Cross for two but Breakker catches him on top with the super Frankensteiner. Back up and the Super Spear hits the chair in the corner, allowing Sheamus to hit the Brogue Kick. Kaiser pulls the referee though and Sheamus is not pleased. Back in and Sheamus knees Kaiser down but Breakker runs Kaiser over. The Super Spear to Sheamus retains the title at 14:25.

Rating: B+. I can always go for a match that is exactly as advertised and that’s what we got here. This was about three people beating the fire out of each other and they didn’t do anything else. Even Kaiser, who isn’t known for his power offense, was getting his stuff in against the monsters. It was a lot of fun and Breakker is thriving in this style.

We recap Gunther defending the World Title against Damian Priest. Gunther beat Priest for the title with an assist from Finn Balor at Summerslam. Now it’s a rematch, with Gunther calling Priest street trash, which doesn’t sit well with Priest, as you might expect. Gunther is also coming off a loss at Crown Jewel, with Priest suggesting that Gunther is losing his aura.

Raw World Title: Damian Priest vs. Gunther

Gunther is defending. They take their time looking at each other until Gunther’s early headlock takeover doesn’t get him very far. Priest’s armdrags into armbars have Gunther in trouble and the threat of a spinning kick to the head sends him bailing outside. Back in and Priest runs him over with a shoulder, followed by something like a flapjack. Priest comes up favoring his shoulder though and you know Gunther knows what to do with that.

Gunther rams the arm into various things, followed by a hammerlock for some knees into the arm. The first big chop drops Priest again and Gunther cranks on both arms at the same time. Priest fights up and they hit big shots at the same time for a double down. Priest gets up and hits a running elbow in the corner, followed by a lifting Downward Spiral for two. Gunther tries a crossface chickenwing but Priest pulls him into a triangle choke, using his still fine legs.

That’s broken up so Priest tries the Razor’s Edge, which is reversed into a sleeper. The powerbomb gets two and Gunther goes up top, only to get caught by Priest. A super hurricanrana brings Gunther back down and the Razor’s Edge gets two, as Priest can’t hook the leg. The chokeslam doesn’t work as the arm gives out and Gunther pulls him into a Kimura.

Back up and Priest hits a heck of a clothesline before going up top. Gunther knocks him down and Priest seems to have hurt his other arm. Cue Finn Balor with a Coup de Grace off the steps to Priest. Gunther kicks him down as well, followed by the powerbomb and an arm trap sleeper to retain at 19:30.

Rating: B. It was good, though it was hard to buy that Priest had any kind of a chance to win here. The idea here was to have Gunther get his win over Priest without the interference…and then it was basically the same thing as Summerslam. The arm work was good stuff and Gunther knows how to pick an injury apart, which was exactly what we got here. Good match, though the ending was a bit disappointing.

We recap the men’s WarGames match, which is basically original Bloodline vs. Solo Sikoa’s new Bloodline. Bronson Reed joined the villains, but Paul Heyman brought in CM Punk to even it up, though he owes Punk a favor as a result.

Team Reigns vs. Team Sikoa

Roman Reigns, Jimmy Uso, Jey Uso, Sami Zayn, CM Punk
Solo Sikoa, Bronson Reed, Jacob Fatu, Tama Tonga, Tonga Loa

Sikoa and company get in their cage so Punk reaches in for a shove, as he knows how to keep things interesting. Tama and Jey start things off after some rather lengthy introductions. The lengthy continues as they stare at each other for over a minute without making contact. Eventually Tama wins an early slugout and hits a quick slingshot splash for a cover, only to realize it doesn’t matter yet.

The fans tell him that he censored up, which seems a bit harsh. There’s no need to swear. Jey knocks him back into the corner for the running Umaga Attack and it’s Bronson Reed coming in for the evil advantage. Reed brings in chairs, which Jey throws at him, only for Reed to knock out of the air. Jey gets knocked down and crushed with a backsplash so the double teaming can ensue.

The fans want Jimmy and get him a few seconds later, with Jimmy being smart enough to run in and start slugging away instead of looking for weapons and allowing the villains to beat Jey down even more. Man, when JIMMY USO is the smart one, you’re in trouble. Something like an extra spinny Whisper In The Wind drops Reed and Tama as the Usos get to fight back. The stereo ten right hands in the corner have Reed and Tama staggered some more and Reed gets sent into the cage.

Loa is set to come in next but Sikoa sends in Fatu instead, as the fans know things just got serious. Fatu runs both Usos over, with Fatu hitting a handspring body block to send Jimmy into the cage, setting up a moonsault to Jey. Tama is back up to flip a lifted Jey down for a slam as the dominance is on. CM Punk is about to go in next, but Reigns cuts him off and sends Zayn in instead. You can imagine how well this goes with Punk, though thankfully Zayn is also smart enough to ignore the weapons (again, because they’re REALLY NOT NEEDED).

A clothesline drops Tama and Zayn punches Reed down in the corner as Punk is looking ticked off in the cage. Fatu pulls Zayn out of the air but Jimmy makes the save with a superkick. Reed is back up to start pounding away though and things even up a bit. Loa is in next and, since his team is mostly in control, he throws in some tables. The Usos and Zayn get caught in the corners for quite the beatings and Reigns is set to go in next, but Punk goes in front of him, which is pretty much in line for him.

Most of the other team is waiting on him so Punk steps back down and grabs a tool box, which is bounced off four straight heads. A bulldog sends Fatu onto the toolbox but he pops right back up and hits Punk with the pop up Samoan drop. The brawl heads towards the area between the rings and Sikoa is in to complete his team (albeit after saying something to Reigns).

Sikoa slams the door on Zayn’s head and then does it again to the Usos. With Sikoa inside, the Tongas lay out the Usos again and it’s a moonsault from Fatu into a Tsunami from Reed as the destruction continues. The clock is almost down so Sikoa uses a padlock and chain to lock the door. Reigns is freed from the cage and Sikoa and company stop to look at him, which doesn’t seem to be the best idea.

Reigns looks around the outside of the cage to find a way in and eventually realizes there’s no roof on the thing and goes up the side. Quite the collection of punches allows reigns to get in and a high crossbody off the top takes out all five of them at once. Reigns goes over to help his teammates up (not Punk) and gets in a big staredown with Punk, but here is Paul Heyman to cool things off. NOW we get the announcement that WarGames have officially begun, as apparently the last two minutes didn’t count.

We get the big ten way staredown and the ensuing fight as everyone pairs off. Sikoa’s Spike misses Reigns, who spears Punk (holding Fatu at the time) by mistake. Now the Spike connects with Reigns to give Sikoa two, leaving him looking stunned. Fatu and Reed go after Punk but Fatu seems to injure his knee on a moonsault attempt. Zayn and Jimmy are back up but get taken right back down, allowing a table to be set up. Reigns fights back but gets knocked onto the table…and Reed goes up.

Make that all the way up, as he climbs to the top of the cage for the Tsunami but Punk pulls Reigns out of the way. The crash results in Reed breaking his ankle, which would keep him out of action for a LONG time. Sikoa is back up with another Spike to Reigns but Jey makes the save with a superkick.

The 1D hits Fatu, which actually keeps him down for a change. Fatu is laid on a table but Jey gets sent into the cage. Zayn cuts Tama off with the Blue Thunder Bomb and Jimmy goes up to the top of the cage for a Superfly Splash to crush Fatu. With everyone else down, Sikoa is left alone against everyone else and it’s finishers a go-go, including a GTS into Reigns’ spear for the pin at 41:56.

Rating: B. The best thing I can say here is that it felt like a fight. This came off like two teams, even with one of them makeshift, going into a battleground and fighting until one of them was defeated. It did go too long, which you know is coming with one of these matches, but at least it wasn’t full of a bunch of weapons. They definitely needed to trim it down again as a lot of the early stuff feels worthless by the time you get to the huge brawl, though that’s all you get with modern WarGames matches. Good stuff here, though not without the usual issues.

Post match the winners get the big celebration and Punk and Reigns seem ok, though Punk doing the GTS pose while everyone else does the point is great. Punk hugs Heyman and Reigns looks at Heyman and they all go to the entrance to pose again, with Punk again doing a different gesture in a funny bit to wrap it up.

The long highlight package finishes things off.

Overall Rating: B. The thing with a show like this is that it is basically two matches with three others, including a nearly twenty minute World Title match, feeling like bonus features. The men’s version was pretty awesome but the women’s match was quite the misfire. Throw in three other matches which were good enough to bring the show up a bit and we’ll call the whole thing a solid enough event. Just fix the women’s match.

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