Wrestlemania XXXV
Date: April 7, 2019
Location: MetLife Stadium, East Rutherford, New Jersey
Attendance: 82,265
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves, Renee Young, Byron Saxton, Tom Phillips
America the Beautiful: Yolanda Adams

We’re back to this show after a year away and I’m not sure what to think about this one. I wasn’t in the stadium for this one and for once that is making me remember the show a little bit better. This whole thing is centered around a few matches, as Wrestlemania always tends to be. Let’s get to it.

Kickoff Show: Cruiserweight Title: Buddy Murphy vs. Tony Nese

Murphy is defending and this is during Nese’s (who won a tournament to get here) not so great face run. First good thing: there are a bunch of people in their seats already so the place doesn’t look ridiculous. Murphy misses a running knee at the bell so Nese hammers away in the corner and tells the fans that this is his Wrestlemania moment. A cartwheel off the apron lets Nese hit him in the jaw but Murphy grabs a fireman’s carry drop onto the corner (Colt Cabana’s Chicago Skyline) as we take a break.

Back with Murphy holding a chinlock but getting suplexed into the corner to cut things off. Some running elbows to the face rock Murphy and the Lionsault, with Murphy hanging in the ropes, gets two. Nese catches him on the ropes with a palm strike, only to get pulled into a Cheeky Nandos kick. A powerbomb into a spinning faceplant gives Murphy two as we get the “still filing in line” from commentary. Murphy’s Law is countered and Nese hits a reverse hurricanrana to put them both down again.

Murphy wins a strike off but Nese is right back with a sunset driver for his own near fall as the fans are finally getting into this. The running Nese doesn’t get to launch so Nese hits the Fosbury Flop instead. Back in and the 450 gets two in a surprising near fall. The jumping knee connects out of nowhere and Murphy’s Law gets two as Nese gets a foot on the rope. Ever the villain, Murphy tries his own running Nese, which is cut off by a superkick. The real running Nese finishes Murphy at 10:44.

Rating: C. The 205 Live guys had several matches that would blow this one away but at least they had a nice moment in the end with the fans getting into things. Nese as a face didn’t exactly click but beating Murphy felt like a bit deal. It’s a nice mini feel good moment to start what is going to be a long night.

Kickoff Show: Wrestlemania Women’s Battle Royal

Zelina Vega, Kairi Sane, Ember Moon, Liv Morgan, Sarah Logan, Ruby Riott, Mandy Rose, Carmella, Maria Kanellis, Asuka, Sonya Deville, Candice LeRae, Naomi, Nikki Cross, Lana, Dana Brooke, Mickie James

Only Naomi and Asuka get entrances. Nikki goes nuts to start and it’s a big brawl, as a battle royal should be. Maria is out in a hurry and Asuka knocks out Candice and Nikki back to back. Ember and Naomi trade hurricanranas until the former hits a quick springboard Eclipse on Lana. Another Eclipse gets rid of Naomi and there’s the real version to Mandy. Ember goes up again but Lana (the one in the designated Captain Marvel attire) shoves her out.

Sane hits an Alabama Slam on Lana and goes up like a schnook, only to get shoved to the apron by Logan. Even the bigger schnook, Logan doesn’t eliminate her but rather joins the rest of the Riott Squad to go after Lana. The elimination doesn’t take long but Sane drops Logan. The Insane Elbow connects, only t have the Squad get together and eliminate Sane without much trouble. An assisted flipping Stunner rocks Vega but AGAIN Logan doesn’t get the elimination.

Instead the Squad goes after Asuka and again they don’t eliminate her. Brooke gets to fight off all three of them and manages a slow motion Thesz press on Morgan. Riott goes after Brooke and gets tossed, with Morgan following her out. Brooke’s handspring elbow hits Vega’s knees though and the running knees in the corner make it worse. Rose and Deville get rid of Vega and Brooke, meaning we can get a big hug.

We’re down to Rose, Deville, Asuka, James, Logan and Carmella, the latter of whom seems to be on the floor because that’s something you have to have in battle royals these days. James hurricanranas Rose to the apron and superkicks her out, only to get dropped by Deville. Asuka beats up Logan and Deville at once but she manages to toss Deville. Logan gets rid of Asuka but, say it with me, Carmella is still in and superkicks Logan out for the win at 10:33.

Rating: D. Holy sweet goodness I can’t stand that finish and yet we seem to get it in every few battle royals (including last year’s women’s battle royal). I know Carmella getting the win is for the sake of the New York fans but egads this feels like a waste of a match, which tends to be the case with so many of these pre-show battle royals. In other words: more of the same stuff that wasn’t good in the first place.

Kickoff Show: Raw Tag Team Titles: Revival vs. Curt Hawkins/Zack Ryder

Revival is defending and picked the match because they thought it would be an easy win. See, Hawkins hasn’t won a match in two and a half years so of course he gets a Wrestlemania title shot (you have to keep the New York crowd happy you see). Dawson shoves Hawkins down to start and then pats him on the cheek in the corner. We get a recap of the Edgeheads as Dawson headlocks Hawkins down.

Ryder comes in as we hear about how the show in “the shadow of New York”, which is acknowledged as New Jersey, likely for one of the only times tonight. A middle rope missile dropkick puts Wilder down but Dawson low bridges him out to the floor. Something close to a top rope Demolition Decapitator gets two and the armbar goes on. Dawson comes back in and rips at the face before working on his own armbar.

That’s enough of that so Wilder grabs another armbar (he’s up 2-1 on Dawson) to keep Ryder down. Ryder fights up again but neckbreakers his way out of a double suplex. With Hawkins being distracted, the champs cheat to set up a hard clothesline for two more. The assisted legdrop gives Wilder two and we hit the chinlock as this keeps going. Ryder finally suplexes his way to freedom and there’s the hot tag to Hawkins.

House is cleaned until it’s a double clothesline to put Hawkins and Dawson down at the same time. The middle rope Rough Ryder hits Dawson but Ryder and Wilder crash out to the floor. Wilder saves Dawson at two and tornado DDTs Ryder on the floor. A brainbuster drops Hawkins outside as well and they’re all down for a bit. Back in and Hawkins is dead but manages a small package for the pin and the titles at 13:20. Hawkins slowly realizing that not only is the match over but that they won is kind of awesome.

Rating: D+. This went on too long but the ending was fine after setting everything up for so long with the losing streak. Hawkins and Ryder are a likable team so it’s not like them winning the titles is a bad idea. Besides, WWE has already taken away anything that the Revival could offer (and yet it would still get worse) so the loss doesn’t do a ton of damage to them anyway.

Kickoff Show: Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal

Otis, Karl Anderson, Andrade, Gran Metalik, Chad Gable, Heath Slater, Bo Dallas, Colin Jost Jeff Hardy, No Way Jose, Lince Dorado, Bobby Roode, Konnor, Tyler Breeze, Viktor, Luke Harper, Ali, Apollo Crews, Michael Che, Titus O’Neil, Tucker, Braun Strowman, Shelton Benjamin, Jinder Mahal, Matt Hardy, Curtis Axel, Rhyno, Luke Gallows, EC3, Kalisto

So the big deal here is Jost and Che are from Saturday Night Live and Strowman doesn’t like them. The two of them bail to the floor and hide under the ring as Axel is out in about ten seconds. Dorado takes a SCARY bump to the floor with Breeze, EC3 and Benjamin following him out. There goes Dallas as well but it’s time for a staredown with Strowman and Harper.

That’s broken up in a hurry and Titus gets rid of Slater. As expected, Titus is out a few seconds later off a missed charge and Ali gets rid of Jose. Ascension sends Strowman shoulder first into the post for a crash to the floor (through the ropes so no elimination). Anderson isn’t so lucky as he gets tossed and the Hardys do the same to Rhyno. Roode and Metalik are out next as the ring is starting to empty a bit.

Andrade tosses Kalisto onto Metalik but Gable rolls Andrade with German suplexes. Since it’s Gable though, Andrade throws him out in a hurry, leaving Otis to hit a double Caterpillar on the Ascension. They’re both out as well but Strowman is back in to get rid of Gallows, Tucker and Otis in a row. There goes Mahal as Harper tries to suplex Ali over the top. With Ali hanging upside down, Strowman kicks Harper out, nearly dropping Ali on his head in a very near miss.

We’re down to Strowman, Andrade, Matt, Jeff and Crews in the ring with Che and Jost still underneath the ring. Andrade and Crews go to the apron and Andrade tries a hurricanrana for no intelligent reason in a double elimination. Strowman puts the Hardys on the apron in the battle of North Carolina as Che and Jost get back inside. They can’t get rid of Strowman, who dumps the Hardys and is ready for the destruction.

Jost grabs a mic though and says this doesn’t need to end in violence. He presents his personal therapist, whose breathing exercises earn him a chokeslam. Che tries to eliminate himself but Strowman punches himself out instead. Strowman misses a charge and almost gets eliminated but powers through it and tosses Jost for the win at 10:27.

Rating: D+. Yeah it’s stupid and the SNL guys added nothing to the whole thing but Strowman won in the end and there were some nice spots (granted they went with some scary ones) throughout. It isn’t anything better or worse than your usual “get them all in there” battle royal and it could have been worse. That’s high praise for something like this anymore.

And with that Smackdown length Kickoff Show out of the way, we can get on with the real show. Isn’t modern WWE great?

Yolanda Adams sings America the Beautiful and we get the big helicopter flyover.

The opening video, complete with a WWE Presents, features the wrestlers talking about how Shakespeare said all the world’s a stage. Tonight, this is their stage and they are the players. We get the classic moments of course because this show is built around history. They do a good job of starting this slowly and then building it up into a big feeling. As usual, WWE’s promo videos are nothing short of incredible and somehow they manage to get better a lot of the time. That being said, wrestlers calling themselves storytellers doesn’t sound right.

Maybe it’s how many times I’ve heard the song on highlight packages since then, but that Love Runs Out theme song is really catchy.

Here’s Alexa Bliss, the host for the evening, to open things up. Bliss talks about how this show needs a goddess and if she snaps her fingers, she can make a Wrestlemania moment. A snap of her fingers produces Hulk Hogan, who is happy to be back here in the Silverdome. That gets a chuckle so then he calls it the MetLife Center in a joke that doesn’t go over as well. Hogan and Bliss pose together in a cute moment.

Hold on though as Paul Heyman storms out and says we’re doing the Universal Title match RIGHT NOW. The faster Lesnar wins, the faster he can go to Las Vegas where he is ULTIMATELY appreciated.

Raw World Title: Brock Lesnar vs. Seth Rollins

Rollins is defending after winning the Royal Rumble and gets a big BEAST SLAYER intro. At least BURN IT DOWN gets a big reaction so they’re doing something right. Lesnar jumps him before the bell and knees Rollins off the apron. An F5 plants Rollins on the floor and a hard whip into the barricade makes it even worse. Rollins gets tossed over the announcers’ table as the beating is on in a big way. That’s not enough for Lesnar so he throws Rollins over another table before throwing Rollins inside.

Heyman and Lesnar talk the angry trash but it’s back to the floor before the opening bell. Cole: “Seth Rollins never had a chance!” And there’s your usual WWE line that gives away the ending. Brock throws Rollins over the announcers’ table for a third time and then through the cover of the announcers’ table. They go back in for the opening bell and there’s the first German suplex. Lesnar: “SUPLEX CITY B******!” Give him his t-shirt money.

The second suplex sends him flying again as Cole brings up the Wrestlemania XXXI cash-in. The F5 is countered though and Rollins gets in a low blow. That means a low superkick and three straight Stomps make Rollins champion at 2:30. It was an exciting start and the whole thing from Lesnar’s first attack ran about 7:00. They had to get the title onto Rollins here (though more importantly off of Lesnar) and this was certainly a memorable way to do it. Certainly more so than when they did it again in a longer form four and a half months later.

AJ Styles vs. Randy Orton

This is your “here are two big names without much else to do” match. Orton eliminated him from the Elimination Chamber and they got in an argument about who built Smackdown. Orton’s big CGI snakes really don’t look great but those things are hit and miss for everyone. AJ headlocks him to start and is promptly driven into the corner. A very early threat of an RKO sends AJ bailing to the corner and it’s another standoff.

Orton pokes him in the eye and hits a dropkick to take over, including a boot across the eye to make it even worse. AJ gets in his own dropkick though as they’re pretty even in the early minutes. With Orton taking a breather on the floor, AJ scores with the slingshot forearm, only to get knocked off the apron and hard into the barricade. Back in and the chinlock goes on as the fans start chanting something I can’t understand.

That’s broken up so AJ hits the sliding forearm, setting up the fireman’s carry backbreaker for two. An early Styles Clash attempt is countered into a powerslam to give Orton his own near fall as the slow pace continues. The Calf Crusher attempt is countered without much trouble but the second attempt is slapped on in the middle of the ring. Not that the fans are exactly interested but AJ did get it on. That’s broken up in a hurry so AJ heads to the apron for the Phenomenal Forearm.

Orton jumps up to RKO him out of the air (as he had done last week) but AJ holds back, leaving Orton to crash. The springboard 450 gets two but Orton is right back with the backbreaker. Orton’s rather good looking top rope superplex has AJ crashing down for two and an uppercut gets a crazy loud pop (that had to be for something else). The hanging DDT gets no reaction but Orton walking around does, as I’m almost scared to imagine what had the fans’ attention.

AJ hits an enziguri to block the RKO, only to walk into it on the second attempt. That’s only good for two as well and Orton is shocked. With nothing else working, Orton loads up a super RKO, which is escaped without a lot of effort. A Pele sends Orton to the floor and the Phenomenal Forearm knock him even sillier. Back in and Orton still can’t hit the RKO, meaning it’s another Phenomenal Forearm to give AJ the pin at 16:12.

Rating: C-. Things got a bit better by the end but it never got going at any intense level. These two are capable of a lot but it was rather slow paced for the most part and when the match is going that long, it can get pretty tiresome in a hurry. It’s not bad in any sense but it wasn’t exciting and you know these two could do a lot better. That makes it more frustrating than anything else, as I kept waiting for them to get going and they never really did.

Here’s Lacey Evans to continue doing her thing of walking around, smiling, and then walking back.

Smackdown Tag Team Titles: Usos vs. Rusev/Shinsuke Nakamura vs. Bar vs. Ricochet/Aleister Black

The Usos are defending and it’s one fall to a finish. There is something so awesome about seeing the look on Ricochet’s face as he walks onto the stage. You can see what it means to him and there is no faking that kind of a feeling. This also marks Ricochet and Black’s third shot at different titles this week, after Raw and NXT title shots earlier in the week. Jimmy and Black start things off with a feeling out process until Sheamus tags himself in to face Black.

The armbar doesn’t last long as Rusev tags Sheamus and runs Black over. Nakamura comes in for a kick to the back but the rapid fire tags continue, with Jimmy coming in to Samoa drop Black. Nakamura kicks Jimmy into a tag to Ricochet, who does a very spinny headscissors on Cesaro. Since it’s just a headscissors though, Cesaro uppercuts Ricochet down and starts swinging him, as Sheamus forearms everyone else.

After a nearly 40 second swing (geez), the Sharpshooter goes on in the middle of the ring. Black makes the save and strikes away, setting up a springboard moonsault for two on Rusev. Nakamura is back in with some running knees to Black, meaning Ricochet has to make a save of his own. That earns him a swinging Rock Bottom from Rusev and it’s time for the nine man Tower of Doom. Just to show off, Ricochet flips out and lands safely in the corner, setting up the 630 for two on Sheamus. We hit the parade of kicks to the face with the Usos superkicking Sheamus down. The Double Us retains the titles at 10:05.

Rating: B. This was almost all action from bell to bell and that’s all you can do with a match like this one. Let them do whatever they want and get in spot after spot for a little while. They didn’t overstay their welcome either, as this match got in the right amount of time. Good stuff here and one of the more entertaining things all night so far.

Hall of Fame recap. Thankfully Bret being attacked isn’t mentioned whatsoever.

Here’s the class being presented in the stadium:

Honky Tonk Man (How was he not in yet?)

Harlem Heat (Perfectly fine.)

Torrie Wilson (The new low benchmark.)

Brutus Beefcake (Again, how was he not in yet?)

Hart Foundation (Should have been earlier so Neidhart could be there but long overdue as well.)

Sue Aitchison (Warrior Award.)

D-Generation X (I’m sure they had to twist their arms to get here. Deserved of course.)

We recap Miz vs. Shane McMahon. Somehow Shane won the World Cup despite not being in the tournament and Miz, the man he replaced in the finals, was jealous. Miz’s dad thought they should team together so they won the Tag Team Titles. The reign didn’t last long though and they split up, with Shane turning on Miz. Tonight, it’s Falls Count Anywhere. This was in the middle of Shane’s RIDICULOUS run near the top of Smackdown where he was all over the show and beating main eventers, including that Tag Team Title win. Of course he gets a big Wrestlemania match, because that’s what makes sense for such a star.

Shane McMahon vs. The Miz

Falls Count Anywhere, but hang on as Shane needs to hear his introduction three times in a row. With that out of the way, Shane bails to the floor at the bell so the chase is on, with Shane hitting his horrible punches. In a smart move, Shane grabs Miz’s dad (in the front row) and again, the chase goes badly for Miz as Shane hammers away. They head outside again with Shane loading up the announcers’ table.

A monitor shot to the head puts Miz on the table but Miz’s dad blocks the big elbow. Shane gets down so Miz’s dad gets inside for the showdown, with Miz’s dad doing the pose that launched a subplot on the upcoming season of Miz and Mrs. Shane takes him into the corner and stomps away, drawing Miz back in for the beating. They fight to to the floor with Shane falling over the barricade but hold on as Miz wants someone to check on his dad.

With the medics doing their job, Miz dives over the barricade to take Shane down again. They fight over towards one of the big pillars that holds up the canopy over the ring but Shane fights out of the Skull Crushing Finale. Instead Shane grabs a DDT for two but Miz kicks him down off the stage. Shane is sent knee first into a barricade and Miz beats on him with a chair to blow off some more steam.

They wreck announcers’ row with Miz throwing him over every chair he can find, plus throwing some chairs around. Shane gets sent through a table for two, followed by a monitor shot to knock him over a barricade and onto the top of a well placed golf cart. That gives Miz a delayed two so he punches Shane up towards a production tower. A Skull Crushing Finale onto the platform gets two, because he’s Shane and Miz is just a former World Champion.

Shane fights back (of course) and climbs up to the top of the tower. Miz pursues so Shane begs off, even dropping to one knee. That earns him some left hands to the head and Miz superplexes him all the way down (after asking if Shane is ready) onto a crash pad. Worry not though as Shane lands on top for the pin at 15:25.

Rating: D-. I knew the ending was coming here and I still shake my head at the ending. Shane is the boss’ son but my goodness how hard can you push him? The worst part is that it is only going to get worse as the summer goes on, but this was a punch to the gut as Shane wins AGAIN, meaning he isn’t going away anytime soon. The superplex was a nice idea but showing the landing on the pad (which just happened to be there) took away all of the impact that it had. That is, whatever was left before Shane won of course.

Paige joins commentary.

Women’s Tag Team Titles: IIconics vs. Beth Phoenix/Natalya vs. Nia Jax/Tamina vs. Sasha Banks/Bayley

Banks and Bayley are defending and it’s one fall to a finish. Bret Hart is here with Beth and Natalya (who really feel like fill ins for Trish Stratus/Lita), though he doesn’t go beyond the stage. Tamina shoves Bayley down to start and superkicks Natalya for a bonus. Everything breaks down in a hurry with Nia being sent outside for a ram into the steps. Back in and Peyton rolls Sasha up for two and it’s a double kick to put drop Sasha again.

The Hardys’ Spin Cycle gets two on Banks but she’s right back with a backslide for the same. It’s back to Bayley for a sliding clothesline for two on Beth but Billie tags herself in. The IIconics take over on Beth, who is right back with a suplex to both of them at once. Natalya comes in for two but Bayley makes a fast save. The champs get in a fight with Beth and Natalya and it’s a Bank Statement to Phoenix. That’s broken up but the Glam Slam is countered into a rollup into the corner.

Natalya drops Sasha onto Bayley and they get the always fairly dumb looking double Sharpshooter treatment. This time it’s Tamina making the save and Nia comes back in to wreck everyone else. The IIconics get crushed with stereo Samoan drops but Beth shoves Nia off the top to break up a splash. Sasha takes Beth down as well and Bayley drops the top rope elbow, followed by Banks’ frog splash. The Tower of Doom is broken up so Beth hits a super Glam Slam on Bayley, with Kay making a blind tag. With Beth sent outside, Kay steals the pin and the titles at 10:47.

Rating: D. This went on too long and wasn’t all that interesting in the first place. The titles were brand new at this point and they already seemed pretty worthless, which would be proven over the next year. The fallout here is more interesting than the match itself, as you Nia would go away for about a year with double ACL surgery and Sasha (allegedly) threw a fit over losing and took the summer off.

The pilots from the Kickoff Show flyover are in the crowd. That’s always cool.

We recap Kofi Kingston vs. Daniel Bryan for the Smackdown World Title. Kofi replaced the injured Ali in the Elimination Chamber and got down to the final two. That set up one of the most dramatic things that WWE has ever done, as Kofi got inches away from winning the title and the fans ate it up. It was clear that Kofi had to get the title at Wrestlemania or he never would, which sent Kofi and New Day into a crusade to finally get the title shot that had eluded him for eleven years.

After jumping through all kinds of hoops set by Vince McMahon, it took New Day winning a gauntlet match to get the shot, with their longtime rivals the Usos stepping aside in a great show of respect for Kofi. At the same time, Bryan said that Kofi was a B+ player in an awesome role reversal from his legendary run five years earlier.

The match was finally set and it was a heck of a story, as Kofi had put in so many years of building credibility to get here and was finally cashing in. This wasn’t JBL jumping up to the main event scene, as Kofi had pretty much won every title other than the World Title. That’s not a big jump, but it was hard to believe that they would actually pull the trigger here. In other words, this was EXCELLENT and would have headlined any other year.

Smackdown World Title: Kofi Kingston vs. Daniel Bryan

Kofi is challenging and has New Day in his corner, while Bryan has Rowan. Big E. has a gift for Kofi and promises it for after the match. I had forgotten how nice of a touch Bryan’s eco-friendly belt really was. They stare each other down to start and the fans are behind Kofi, which is almost hard to fathom until you realize that Bryan might be a better heel than face. Kofi’s headlock doesn’t get anywhere so they fight over a backslide. Bryan monkey flips him so Kofi lands on his feet, setting up a dropkick to the floor.

The big dive takes Bryan down again and the roster is behind Kofi in the back. Things slow down a bit as Bryan needs a breather with Rowan. Back in and Bryan uppercuts him a few times to set up the surfboard, which always looks awesome. That’s broken up in a hurry as usual, allowing Kofi to kick away in the corner. Bryan’s moonsault into the running clothesline is countered into something resembling the standing double stomp (almost a Thesz press as Kofi can’t hit it properly) for two.

Kofi’s jumping clothesline works a bit better and the Boom Drop connects. Bryan heads outside again so Kofi tries a springboard dive, which lands ribs first on the announcers’ table. You don’t have to ask Bryan twice to go after the ribs like that so he drops Kofi ribs first across the top rope. The ribs get sent into the corner and it’s off to a waistlock, which works a lot better this time around. Kofi fights up and elbows in the corner but a very quick Trouble in Paradise is countered into a Boston crab.

Bryan’s belly to back superplex is broken up with elbows to the face and Kofi hits a top rope splash to the back for two. They slug it out but Trouble in Paradise is countered again, only to countered into a small package to give Kofi two more. Kofi’s crossbody is rolled through though and Bryan pulls him into a failed LeBell Lock attempt so they’re both down for a second. The running knee is countered into the SOS but Bryan reverses into the LeBell Lock, with Bryan letting go for some more elbows to the ribs.

Kofi finally gets his foot on the rope and you can hear the sigh of relief. Bryan YES Kicks at the ribs even more but Kofi fires up and tells Bryan to kick him even harder. As Bryan backs away, Kofi throws his own kicks and busts out a reverse suplex for two. They head outside again so Rowan can go after New Day, earning himself Trouble in Paradise. The Midnight Hour on the floor takes care of Rowan and Kofi blocks Bryan’s suicide dive.

Back in and Bryan hits the running knee…..for two and a big pop on the kickout. Bryan has had it and unloads with stomps to the head to set up the LeBell Lock. Kofi breaks out again and blasts Bryan with forearms to the face with more aggression than you usually see from him. Bryan won’t let go of the wrist so Kofi stomps him right back, knocking Bryan silly. Trouble in Paradise gives Kofi the clean pin and the title at 23:45.

Rating: A. That is the definition of the Wrestlemania moment and it holds up to perfection a year later. The fans completely bought into the idea of Kofi fighting through everything and winning the title in the end and that’s all it should have been. Kofi is the kind of guy who has been around forever and built up so much good will that when he finally went after the title, everyone was on his side. That made for a special moment and it was amazing throughout as it’s something that I never thought I would see, but here it is. That’s a great thing to see as rare as it can be.

On top of that, this was an awesome match with both guys giving it everything they had. The story here was perfect with Kofi not being the wrestler Bryan was but knowing that this was his one shot and giving everything he had to achieve his dream when he could. The fans believed in him and there was no way he could lose in this spot. Outstanding stuff and if not for the historic main event, this would have headlined in a landslide. Watch this again and smile a lot.

Post match Woods and Big E. pull out the classic WWE Championship and hand it to Kofi for the first time (Kofi kneeling in the ring and waiting to have it presented to him is a great visual). The pyro goes off and Kofi’s sons get in the ring to celebrate with him and one of them holds up the title, which is almost bigger than he is. We’re not done yet though as Big E. brings in the present from earlier. It’s the first New Day shirt featuring Kofi as champion and his kids get to hold them up for a perfect visual. Woods: “THEY SAID WE COULDN’T MAKE IT! WE MADE IT TO THE TOP!” Outstanding.

Che and Jost are banged up so Bliss introduces them to Dr. Scott Hall and Dr. Kevin Nash. Ok then.

Booker T. is the next guest commentator.

US Title: Samoa Joe vs. Rey Mysterio

Mysterio is challenging and this year’s comic gear is…..well Mysterio appropriately enough. Now how did he never do that one before? Joe kicks him in the face but Rey is right back with the springboard hurricanrana. The 619 connects but Joe pulls him out of the air into the Koquina Clutch and Rey is out at 1:00, which may have something to do with Rey injuring his ankle on Monday. Booker being annoyed at wasting all the time on prep work is good for a chuckle.

Sneak peak of Batista’s new movie Stuber.

We recap Roman Reigns vs. Drew McIntyre. Reigns returned from leukemia after a four month absence and he needs a first victim. Drew has run through the rest of the Shield as a bonus. This is your likely layup result of the show and that’s fine.

Roman Reigns vs. Drew McIntyre

Drew gets played to the ring by the New York Bagpipe Band. They trade shots to the face to start so Reigns snaps off a Samoan drop for an early two. McIntyre is right back with a spinebuster into a jackknife cover for two of his own. The Glasgow Kiss knocks Reigns down again and McIntyre throws him into the corner for two. The chinlock/armbar goes on until Reigns powers out and knocks him to the floor. Reigns’ running kick to the face is blocked though and McIntyre suplexes him down.

Back in and the reverse Alabama slam gives McIntyre two so he takes Reigns up top. That earns him a crotching, only to have Drew pull himself up from the Tree of Woe to send Reigns flying with a belly to belly superplex. Reasons of general heelishness cause McIntyre to slap him in the face, meaning the comeback is on. McIntyre gets knocked outside again for the Samoan drop on the floor, followed by the Superman Punch back inside. The spear finishes McIntyre at 10:06.

Rating: D. The fans didn’t care and why should they have? As usual, it was clear that Reigns was going to win and that happens far too often at Wrestlemania. It’s amazing that Reigns got to come back here but it’s Reigns, who almost always wins, winning again in a match where the ending was obvious throughout. Nothing to see here, and the fans were silent throughout.

Post match Reigns gets to pose in a rather emotional moment.

Here’s Elias for his self described greatest performance ever. He’s on screen playing drums, with a second Elias joining him on piano and the real thing in the ring playing guitar. They jam for a bit and guitar Elias says the other two deserve a standing ovation. Elias teases more members of the band and gets in his catchphrase before loading up the song….but here’s a SPECIAL BULLETIN on Babe Ruth calling his shot in the 1932 World Series.

Cue John Cena in Dr. of Thuganomics gear and the fans seem rather pleased. Cena raps about how he’s about to turn heel and how bad his own movies are. WWE doesn’t stand for Walk With Elias because it really means Wasted Wrestling Experiment. We get a nuts joke, followed by the FU to leave Elias laying. They have history together so this was as good as you were going to get. This was funny for a change if nothing else and that’s a cool Wrestlemania feeling.

We recap Batista vs. HHH. Back at Smackdown 1000, Batista had mentioned that HHH never beat him but laughed it off. Then in February, Ric Flair was having a 70^th birthday celebration but Batista attacked him, while asking HHH if he had his attention. This set up the match, with Batista demanding that HHH give him what he wanted (over and over and over). HHH has put up his career just in case the ending was in the slightest bit of doubt.

Shawn Michaels is guest commentator.

Batista vs. HHH

No holds barred with HHH’s career on the line. Batista goes out to glare at Shawn but here’s HHH, riding in a Mad Max style cart because of course he is. Batista drives him straight into the corner to start so HHH is back with some right hands to the face. A backdrop sends Batista outside but he throws HHH over the announcers’ table in a crash. HHH is right back up with a ram into the barricade and busts out a chain to whip Batista over the back.

The chain is pulled into Batista’s mouth (Shawn: “That’s not going to help his movie career.”) and HHH whips him into the steps. To ramp up the pain, HHH busts out some pliers to bend Batista’s fingers around a bit. HHH isn’t done with the toolbox so he grabs some needle nose pliers and ribs Batista’s nose ring out. To be fair, that thing looked horrible. Cole: “HHH just ripped a nose ring out of the nose of Batista.” So the nose ring in his ear is still intact.

Batista’s nose is good enough to drop HHH onto the announcers’ table and then he does it again onto a different one. A chair to the back sets up the shoulders in the corner for two as things have slowed way down. Batista slams him down for two more and let’s go outside again. The steps are set on the table and another table is cleared off as this is taking quite a long time for one big spot.

The huge Batista Bomb through the table is countered with a backdrop onto (not through) the other table and they’re both down again. HHH gets up, spinebusters him through the table, and we get another breather. HHH pulls out the sledgehammer but it’s a spear to cut him down for two. This time it’s HHH knocking the sledgehammer away from Batista, earning himself a spinebuster in the process. The Batista Bomb, which makes HHH drop the sledgehammer again, connects for two.

With nothing else working, Batista brings in the steps but goes up top for some reason. That reason would be so HHH can powerbomb him onto the steps, setting up a Pedigree for two (Because this MUST KEEP GOING!). They’re both down again so here’s Flair to slip HHH the sledgehammer. HHH gets up and uses the steps as a launchpad to hammer Batista in the head. Since that’s not enough to pin him (or KILL HIM as it probably should have), Batista pops up to take the Pedigree for the pin at 25:45.

Rating: D. Why does HHH do this? They could have had the same match with at least ten minutes chopped off but for some reason we needed to get HHH’s latest big epic match, no matter how much people aren’t interested in seeing it. This was terrible with Batista looking like a shell of his glory days (fair enough) and the match going WAY longer than it should have. Horrible match, and did you expect anything else given this style of match’s history?

The B Team model Daniel Bryan WWE Champion shirts but here’s Ron Simmons for the joke.

JBL is your next guest commentator.

Baron Corbin vs. Kurt Angle

This is Angle’s retirement match as he can barely get in the ring without injuring himself these days and needs to limp away for good. Corbin is here because we all did something horrible in a past life. Angle goes after him to start but gets knocked into the corner to put him in early trouble. Corbin takes it to the corner and pounds away before mocking Angle’s family a bit. A missed middle rope ax handle sends Corbin throat first into the rope so Angle snaps off some suplexes for two.

Angle walks into a big boot but is fine enough to grab a quickly broken ankle lock. Deep Six gives Corbin two more but he misses a charge, allowing the Angle Slam to connect for two. The straps come down and the ankle lock goes on until Corbin rolls him into the corner for the break. Corbin throws in a You Can’t See Me so Angle punches him into more rolling German suplexes. The moonsault misses though and the End of Days finishes Kurt’s career at 5:59.

Rating: D. Angle does seem fine with putting Corbin over on the way out but this was another step in the seemingly eternal nonsense that was/is the Corbin push. It’s a lot to take and while I can live with Angle going out on his back, it’s a lot to take because Corbin really is going way above his pay grade every time he’s in a match like this.

Post match Angle thanks the fans and asks for one more YOU SUCK chant for the road.

Intercontinental Title: Bobby Lashley vs. Finn Balor

Lashley, with Lio Rush, is defending and they’ve traded the title, so tonight it’s the Demon to make the match feel big. Balor gets a special entrance by coming down off a raised platform, though it’s not as creepy as his NXT entrances. Lashley has very bright green contacts in for some reason. Some early dropkicks put Lashley on the floor and Balor takes him out with a dive for a bonus.

A hard drive into the apron cuts Balor off though and there’s a suplex to make it worse. Lashley clotheslines him hard to the floor but a Sling Blade gets Balor out of trouble. Rush’s distraction lets Lashley hit a HARD spear through the ropes though and a regular one gets two back inside. Balor fights out of a powerbomb and hits one of his own, setting up the Coup de Grace for the pin and the title at 4:01.

Rating: C. The match was entertaining enough for something that was going so fast but at the same time, the booking still doesn’t make a ton of sense. Balor has already shown that he can beat Lashley so now he needs to bring up the powers to win? And the extraordinary thing was just a powerbomb? I’m glad to see the Demon again but this wasn’t exactly the most logical thing in the world.

Here’s Alexa Bliss to announce the attendance record of 82,265. Cue R-Truth and Carmella for the Wrestlemania Dance Break (Remember those?).

We recap the main event of Raw Women’s Champion Ronda Rousey and Smackdown Women’s Champion Charlotte defending against Becky Lynch in a winner take all match. Rousey is the unstoppable force, Charlotte is Charlotte and Becky is here because she’s the hottest name in wrestling at the moment and won the Royal Rumble. Tonight the winner leaves with both titles and it’s the biggest women’s match in history.

Raw Women’s Title/Smackdown Women’s Title: Ronda Rousey vs. Charlotte vs. Becky Lynch

Lynch is challenging both. In a nod to her father and the Four Horsemen, Charlotte lance in a helicopter outside and walks into the stadium. Already inside, Joan Jett and the Blackhearts play Rousey to the ring. There is something so cool about watching Becky walk down the ramp in a wide shot as Cole talks about how she has started a movement. I’m not sure if that is the right term but it looked awesome. The bell rings and even a year later I still can’t believe this happened. The women’s division was a joke just a few years ago and now it’s the biggest match of the year. That’s hard to believe and it’s very cool.

They stare at each other for a good bit to start until Becky goes after Rousey’s arm. Rousey kicks her to the floor without much trouble and that means a Samoan drop into the barricade. Charlotte follows and takes Piper’s Pit but pops right back up for a fall away slam to send Rousey into the barricade for a change. That sets up the required Charlotte vs. Becky fight with Becky getting the better of things but can’t get the Figure Four, allowing Rousey to come and hammer away.

Charlotte breaks up an armbar attempt but gets pulled into a triangle choke over the ropes. Becky hits a running dropkick though and Rousey falls HARD onto the floor in a nasty crash. That leaves Charlotte to knee Becky in the head as the fans get behind Becky in a big way. Charlotte’s moonsault hits knees and Becky gets the Disarm-Her but Rousey make the save in a hurry. A double Natural Selection gives Charlotte two each and it’s Becky going outside this time.

For some reason Charlotte tries to slug it out with Rousey, earning herself a knee to the head. Charlotte pulls her into a Boston crab, drawing Becky in for her own save. Becky and Charlotte slug it out again until Charlotte is sent to the apron. Charlotte gets caught up top with a super Bexploder for two but Rousey drops both of them with a high crossbody for a double near fall. The double armbar goes on so Becky and Charlotte powerbomb her for the break. It took three attempts but they finally got out.

Everyone is down for a bit until Becky hits a Rock Bottom for two on Charlotte. Rousey goes after Becky and gets pulled straight into the Disarm-Her so she uses the ropes to power up in the corner. That’s fine with Becky, who puts it on again in the corner until Charlotte boots her in the face. Charlotte’s super Spanish Fly gets two but she might have banged up her knee. Rousey’s knee is banged up as well so Charlotte stomps away and grabs the Figure Four around the post.

After sending Becky into the barricade, Charlotte grabs the Figure Eight but Becky dives in off the top for another save. Just because, let’s bring in a table but Charlotte decks Becky for taking too long to set it up. Rousey shoves Charlotte off the top and turns the table over because she doesn’t need it. A double spear takes down Becky and Rousey so Charlotte sets up the table in the corner.

Charlotte sends Rousey face first into the table and spears Becky for two more. Back up and Charlotte gets hiptossed through the table, leaving Becky and Rousey to have the slugout we’ve been waiting for. They throw some serious hands but Piper’s Pit is countered into a crucifix (with Rousey’s shoulder a good six inches off the mat in a bad botch) to give Becky both titles at 21:28.

Rating: B. I don’t know if it’s because I didn’t watch it in one sitting this time around but I liked the match a good bit better on a second viewing. These three beat each other up and while Becky winning was the presumed finish, it wasn’t entirely a lock given who she was in there against. It was a heck of a fight and the three of them all came out looking great. This is much more historic than good, but it’s really rather good and that’s always a positive way to go out.

Rousey is ticked as Becky celebrates to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. The positives are better than the negatives but not by much. There are some flat out bad matches on here but they are overcome by some great feelings with the faces winning all of the big matches for a change. That felt like an old school style as for the first time in what felt like forever, they didn’t cut the fans off for the sake of dragging things out until later. For once it felt like a season finale and that’s what Wrestlemania should be when it gets the chance. Good show, but it could have been a lot better.

How you ask? CUT THE SHOW DOWN! Look at how long this show is and tell me that it’s well put together. There is no need for a sixteen match card, especially with some of the matches that feel tacked on. All three Tag Team Title matches feel like they’re here for the sake of being here and some of the matches just need to be shortened. Either that or find a way to get people to the ring faster. I know it seems simple but how much of these shows are spent on ring entrances alone? Just find a way to shorten things, please.

Overall there are more good things than bad, but this isn’t a show that you need to watch in one sitting. As soon as you get to the point where the show is five hours plus an episode of Smackdown before it starts (and a Smackdown with more wrestling than usual at that), you’re hitting a firm ceiling of how much you can enjoy this. I know you can’t cut out big chunks, but find a way to get this under six hours. Do that and it’s a lot better, but that has been the case for years now and it keeps getting longer. Either way, at least we had enough nice stuff on here, but don’t watch it all at once.

Ratings Comparison

Tony Nese vs. Buddy Murphy

Original: C+

Redo: C

Women’s Battle Royal

Original: D

Redo: D

Revival vs. Zack Ryder/Curt Hawkins

Original: C

Redo: D+

Men’s Battle Royal

Original: D

Redo: D+

Brock Lesnar vs. Seth Rollins

Original: N/A

Redo: N/A

AJ Styles vs. Randy Orton

Original: B-

Redo: C-

Usos vs. Shinsuke Nakamura/Rusev vs. The Bar vs. Aleister Black/Ricochet

Original: C+

Redo: B

Shane McMahon vs. The Miz

Original: C-

Redo: D-

Boss N Hug Connection vs. Natalya/Beth Phoenix vs. IIconics vs. Nia Jax/Tamina

Original: D

Redo: D

Kofi Kingston vs. Daniel Bryan

Original: A-

Redo: A

Samoa Joe vs. Rey Mysterio

Original: N/A

Redo: N/A

Drew McIntyre vs. Roman Reigns

Original: C-

Redo: D

Batista vs. HHH

Original: D+

Redo: D

Baron Corbin vs. Kurt Angle

Original: F

Redo: D

Finn Balor vs. Bobby Lashley

Original: C

Redo: C

Ronda Rousey vs. Becky Lynch vs. Charlotte

Original: B

Redo: B

Overall Rating

Original: B-

Redo: C+

About the same all around, but some of those earlier ones are a good bit off. Still though, too long, despite some of the very good parts.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

https://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/04/08/wrestlemania-xxxv-so-much-for-no-happy-endings/

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

Monday Night Raw
Date: March 28, 2022
Location: PPG Paints Arena, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Jimmy Smith, Corey Graves, Byron Saxton, Michael Cole

It’s the last Raw before Wrestlemania and since this company doesn’t have the best ideas, that means this is Wrestlemania Raw. Hopefully that means we get some juice added to what has already been set for the card, because this isn’t looking like the strongest Wrestlemania so far. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Here is Brock Lesnar to get things going (with Michael Cole being heard saying “yes sir” during his entrance). After a look at Lesnar taking over Roman Reigns’ dressing room on Smackdown and beating up a bunch of security, Lesnar gets to do his own introduction. Lesnar: “That might have been good but it sounded like it sucked.” We are on the way to Wrestlemania so Lesnar is going to give us his game plan for his match with Roman Reigns.

They are going to go down memory lane in Suplex City and then go to the carnival. Reigns is taking a ride on the F5 and no one survives that. After that (and mocking the WHAT chants by saying Steve Austin will be there too, even if he couldn’t beat Lesnar), they’re going to a wedding. Their titles are getting married and having a baby, but Lesnar gets sole custody. See you on Sunday. For someone who doesn’t do this very often, that was at least an original promo and Lesnar sounds like he is having a blast.

Here is Miz for his match with Rey Mysterio, but first he wants to introduce us to the greatest luchador of all time: LUCHA LOGAN! This would be Logan Paul in a stolen Rey mask, with Miz explaining how horrible it was to take Rey’s mask. Cue the Mysterios, but Dominik gets ejected before the bell for jumping Miz.

Miz vs. Rey Mysterio

Logan Paul is here too and an early distraction lets Miz take it to the floor. A DDT on the floor drops Rey and we take a break. Back with Miz ripping at Rey’s mask but getting sent off the top so Rey can hit a top rope seated senton. Rey seems to tweak his knee so Miz grabs a slingshot powerbomb, which is countered into a sunset flip to give Rey the pin at 5:25. Ignore Miz’s shoulder being up.

Post match Dominik is back to steal the mask back from Paul. He also helps beat up Miz, with a double 619 and some frog splashes with his dad. Paul looks on without doing anything to help.

Veer Mahaan is here next week.

We look at Seth Rollins attempting to find a path to Wrestlemania and going a bit nuts at his failures.

Earlier today, Rollins was summoned to Vince McMahon’s office, because he was going to get a Wrestlemania match. Rollins was told to be there at 7am but didn’t get in until after 9 for no apparent reason. He was rather excited anyway and put his feet on the table, which didn’t sit well with McMahon.

After being told he wouldn’t be fired, Vince tells him that he didn’t have to jump through all of those hoops. All he was going to have to do was ask but he would have to have his own main event. McMahon says Rollins is going to Wrestlemania against an opponent of his choosing, who he will not know until he is in the ring. Rollins runs around the office.

To recap, after a month of this idiotic story involving Rollins desperately trying to get to Wrestlemania, all he had to do was ask the boss and everything was going to be fine. That is about as lame of a conclusion I could think of and that means I’m not even surprised that they went that way.

Omos vs. Viking Raiders

Erik gets hit with a clothesline to start and rolls outside…..where it’s a countout at 45 seconds. That clothesline was the only move of the match.

Post match, Omos kicks Ivar in the face. Omos is asked about wanting a Wrestlemania opponent….and Bobby Lashley is back. A shove sends Lashley into the corner and he bounces off of Omos. Lashley shoves him away and knocks him down with a flying shoulder. Omos bails to the floor so they can both point at the sign, setting up a Wrestlemania match.

Reggie proposes to Dana Brooke and she says yes. Tamina comes in to try and win the 24/7 Title but Reggie makes the save. Reggie and Dana leave so Akira Tozawa pops up to propose to Tamina as well. She threatens to hit him but then says yes, though he has to wedge the ring on her finger. R-Truth, watching from about five feet away (with binoculars of course), has an idea.

Here is the Bloodline for a chat. After having Pittsburgh acknowledge him, Roman Reigns talks about how he has met Brock Lesnar at Wrestlemania before. Lesnar beat him up and left him so bloodied that his family didn’t want him in this business again. Well now we have changed the game. Reigns has taken the advocate and made him a wise man, he has taken the moniker of the longest reigning champion in 35 years and now he is taking the title. Now he is making it personal, because it has always been personal to Reigns. This was the intense Reigns and he was awesome in the role, as usual.

We recap Carmella/Queen Zelina having issues.

Carmella and Zelina seem to be fine during their photo shoot. They remember taking out Shayna Baszler and Natalya, so here are the two of them, with Shayna saying just stay in line tonight with the eight woman tag. Then they’ll take the titles at Wrestlemania.

The Steiner Brothers are going into the Hall of Fame.

Sasha Banks/Naomi/Liv Morgan/Rhea Ripley vs. Carmella/Queen Zelina/Shayna Baszler/Natalya

Natalya takes Liv down and tries an early Sharpshooter but gets caught with a headscissors into the corner. Ripley comes in with a basement dropkick to Natalya and it’s off to Zelina instead. Naomi and Banks hit running corner dropkicks and it’s time for the parade of shots to the face. We take a break and come back with Banks knocking Carmella down and making the VERY slow crawl over to Naomi, with Baszler managing to run in for the save. A stretch muffler keeps Banks in trouble but the villains get in an argument. Graves checks on Carmella and it’s the Backstabber into Riptide to pin Vega at 9:19.

Rating: D+. The women’s division is becoming more of a mess every week, as there are almost no stories to be seen aside from the title matches and women being either best friends or hating each other. It feels like the whole thing is designed to be as low level as possible and that makes matches like this, where no one gets to shine, all the worse. I’m not looking forward to the title match, and Carmella/Vega retaining will make it even worse.

We look back at Kevin Owens’ Steve Austin impression from last week.

Video on Steve Austin, set to Bawitaba by Kid Rock. In 2022.

Here is Kevin Owens to talk about how the Kevin Owens Show with Steve Austin will be the main event of Wrestlemania. Owens talks about how Austin is here to have one more talk about the old days instead of a fight, because it has been NINETEEN YEARS since he had a match. They’ll have a beer together at Wrestlemania, even though Owens hates it. Then Owens can finally receive the torch of having the best Stunner in the world because it is better than Austin’s. Owens hits Austin’s catchphrase to wrap it up. He was feeling it here, as has been the case since the segment was announced.

Austin Theory vs. Ricochet

Non-title. Ricochet kicks him down to start and hits a standing shooting star press for an early two. The ATL is countered and Ricochet dropkicks him down as the fans want Pat. Ricochet goes up top and gets crotched, setting up the ATL for the completely clean loss at 1:44. I guess there was just no one else in the world that Theory could beat.

Commentary talk about HHH suffering a cardiac moment, which has led to the end of his in-ring career.

Here is Bianca Belair, returning from a throat injury (And doing her dance, because SHE MUST DANCE!) and ranting about how Becky Lynch has knocked her down over and over again but there is nothing that can keep her down. Belair is going to keep fighting no matter what and come back every time.

So Belair will be waiting for her on Sunday, but here is Becky to interrupt. Becky gets in a chair shot and pulls out some scissors to cut Belair’s hair. That takes way too long of course, so Belair reverses into the KOD. Another KOD leaves Becky laying again….so Belair hacks off Becky’s hair. Belair leaves so Becky wakes up and snaps as the fans tell her she deserves it.

Wrestlemania rundown.

Becky Lynch is asked her thoughts about Bianca Belair. Becky: “Bianca, you b****!”

Drew McIntyre vs. Happy Corbin/Madcap Moss

Corbin and McIntyre shove each other to start but it’s off to Moss, who gets hammered down in the corner. An overhead belly to belly and a neckbreaker drop Moss, allowing McIntyre to nip up. Corbin walks off and the Claymore finishes Moss at 1:45.

Post match Corbin jumps McIntyre and steals Angela the sword.

Edge is sitting at a desk with a scale next to him. Edge talks about how he wasn’t sure what to do to AJ Styles so he pulled off the veil of mediocrity. Sunday is AJ’s judgment day, so Edge puts a ring on the scale and smiles.

Post break, AJ Styles says if Edge wants the pitbull, that’s what he’s going to get at Wrestlemania. AJ is going to give Edge a beating that he will never forget on Sunday.

Usos vs. RKBro

Non-title with Rick Boogs and Shinsuke Nakamura at ringside. The threat of a double RKO sends the Usos bailing to the floor to start so it’s a double belly to back drop onto the announcers’ table. We take a break and come back with Riddle suplexing and backsplashing Jimmy for two. A Samoan drop cuts Riddle off though and the stomping has him down in the corner.

Orton gets drawn in as Riddle gets caught with a cheap shot as the beating continues. Riddle is taken outside for a whip into the timekeeper’s area as we take a break. Back again with Riddle fighting up again and managing the tag to Orton. House is cleaned and the snap powerslam plants Jey. The hanging DDT connects as Riddle takes out Jimmy on the floor. The RKO is loaded up but the Street Profits run in to jump RKBro for the DQ at 15:25.

Rating: C+. I was pleasantly surprised by the ending there as I would have bet on one of the teams taking a loss. The DQ is the right call to protect both champions so this could have been worse. It’s still weird to see a match like this as the main event on the go home show for Wrestlemania, but you have two good teams and the most popular act on Raw, so it went fairly well.

Post match the brawl is on with Boogs and Nakamura brawling to the back with the Usos. RKBro gets it together to take out the Profits with an RKO each.

One more Wrestlemania rundown ends the show.

Overall Rating: D+. This year’s Wrestlemania is missing emotion. Reigns vs. Lesnar and Austin vs. Owens have been well set up, mainly because it feels like there is emotion. Other than that and maybe one or two other matches, the show feels like it has all been thrown together in something resembling a major event. Almost nothing feels like it has been given time to develop, with celebrities being added in to make up the difference.

Instead of matches I feel like I need to see, it feels like people are doing things to each other and then they’ll do something big at Wrestlemania. That was on full display here, as two matches were added to the card tonight, plus other matches where some people didn’t even appear. As usual, the action was good but everything else just came and went with no particular reason to get interested. That shouldn’t be the case with any show, let alone the one designed to get me to want to watch Wrestlemania.

Results
Rey Mysterio b. Miz – Sunset flip
Omos b. Viking Raiders via countout
Liv Morgan/Rhea Ripley/Sasha Banks/Naomi b. Shayna Baszler/Natalya/Carmella/Queen Zelina – Riptide to Vega
Austin Theory b. Ricochet – ATL
Drew McIntyre b. Happy Corbin/Madcap Moss – Claymore to Moss
RKBro b. Usos via DQ when the Street Profits interfered

 

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

 

Wrestlemania XXXIII
Date: April 2, 2017
Location: Camping World Stadium, Orlando, Florida
Attendance: 75,245
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves, Byron Saxton, John Bradshaw Layfield, David Otunga, Tom Phillips

This hasn’t been quite a year yet but I have a feeling it’s going to be a very long night. Like a few years before, I was in the stadium for this show but haven’t seen it since I reviewed it last year. This is a show that was well received at the time and it could be interesting to see how it holds up a year later. Let’s get to it.

The set is one of the most intricate they’ve ever done, with a big Wrestlemania globe (ala Universal Studios) and a roller coaster next to it (I think you get this). There’s also an inflatable ring atop the structure above the regular ring, which I somehow didn’t notice until about an hour and a half of being in the stadium). The theme was the Ultimate Thrill Ride and the visual certainly works. It’s really cool looking and worked very well. Unfortunately the stadium isn’t the best looking in the world and it made the whole thing feel a bit out of place. Oh and the CRAZY LONG RAMP, which is something like seventy yards long.

Kickoff Show: Cruiserweight Title: Austin Aries vs. Neville

Aries is challenging after Neville has dominated the division for months and needs someone fresh to challenge him. The fans are behind Aries, which isn’t that surprising though Neville was nothing short (ok he was always short) of awesome at this point. Aries takes him down with an armbar but Neville is right back out with a headscissors. Back up and Neville has to bail to the floor so Aries has a rest on the top rope. I know it’s a Shawn Michaels spot but Aries sells the heck out of it.

Neville comes back in and eats a basement dropkick, followed by the middle rope elbow to the back for two. The suicide dive is blocked with a kick to the head though as the back and forth continues. A missile dropkick gives Neville two and we take a break. Back with Neville holding a chinlock (They even do it on the Kickoff Shows!) but taking WAY too long to glare at the crowd before trying a middle rope Phoenix splash (makes sense given his King thing).

One heck of a backdrop puts Neville on the floor and Aries is right back after him with the suicide dive. You can hear the fans getting back into this and that’s a good result from these two. The main reason to put something like this on is to get the fans fired up for the real show and it’s a great place to put them in.

They come back in with Aries blocking the superplex and nailing his own missile dropkick (looked awesome too) for a near fall. A snap German suplex plants Aries though and Neville takes over again. Another suplex gets another two and Neville is starting to look annoyed. With the technical stuff not working, Neville just kicks him in the face in the corner.

Aries is fine enough to reverse the Rings of Saturn attempt into a rollup and now the Discus knocks Neville hard to the floor. Back in and Aries hits a top hurricanrana and the 450 (with a really annoying crowd reaction shot) gets two. The Last Chancery goes on but Neville rips at the eye (which was recently reconstructed) to break the hold. Aries is writhing in pain and it’s the Red Arrow to retain the title at 15:40.

Rating: B. I remember hearing that this would be on the Kickoff Show and being very relieved as I didn’t think the main show would allow it nearly the amount of time that it needed and deserved. I’m glad to see that I was right here as they had a heck of a chess match here with both guys getting in everything they could and showing how back and forth the whole thing was. Neville cheating to win in the end fit him well, as he finally had someone who could match him and had to take a shortcut. Really good stuff here as Neville continues his unbelievable roll.

If the pay per view started here, it would have been a perfect Kickoff Show. But nah, we need two more matches.

Kickoff Show: Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal

Rob Gronkowski, a friend of Mojo Rawley, is in the front row. Big Show’s music plays everyone but Braun Strowman to the ring. Braun tosses Primo two seconds into the match as the ring needs some serious cleaning out. Kalisto and Simon Gotch are tossed as well and Strowman eliminates Slater. Jimmy Uso and Goldust follow them out as they’re not wasting time here.

There goes Konnor but it’s time for the Show vs. Strowman showdown. Everyone stops to watch but Sami jumps Braun due to reasons of general stupidity. That goes nowhere so it’s Strowman dumping Show. Everyone goes after Strowman but he gets rid of Viktor in the process. Strowman is eliminated, making him look like a loser/afterthought in the process (oh….just wait). Hawkins is out and Ziggler gets to do his usual false hope spot. We get into the required “everyone hits everyone but doesn’t really try to win” portion as things slow down.

Ziggler low bridges Truth out as I manage to remember that Truth is employed. There goes Rhyno and Ziggler is thrown over the top, only to hang on again. There goes English, followed by American Alpha dropkicking English out. Jey Uso and Jason Jordan are tossed, followed by Chad Gable as the ring is really thinning out. Tian Bing gets rid of Fandango and Breeze, followed by Henry eliminating Sin Cara (in some sweet Wrestlemania gear). Henry is out next as there’s nothing between these eliminations.

Ziggler superkicks Bing out and that’s about it for Tian’s career accomplishments to date. Sami’s Helluva Kick gets rid of Epico and we’re down to nine. It’s been too long since Ziggler was nearly eliminated so Harper chokes him on the apron this time around. Mojo dumps Bo and Mahal eliminates Crews, followed by Rawley tossing Ziggler. Harper is out next and we’re down to Mojo, Jinder, Titus, Dain and Zayn.

A running clothesline gets rid of Titus but Dain eliminates Sami, completely sucking the life out of the crowd. Why you ask? Well we’re left with Dain, Rawley and Mahal. How excited would you be? Jinder gets clotheslined down and we get a Dain vs. Mojo showdown. A Pounce drops Dain but Jinder pulls Mojo through the ropes and out to the floor. Jinder follows him out and sends Rawley into the barricade, right in front of Gronkowski.

That means a drink going into Gronkowski’s face and here he comes over the barricade. This gives us the funniest part of the show as a security guard runs over to stop him, only to have a ringside guy tap her on the arm as some referees come over and allow Gronkowski to get in. Gronkowski runs Mahal over (your future WWE Champion everyone) and Mojo’s running right hands get rid of Dain. Another running punch to Mahal gives Rawley the win at 14:09.

Rating: D-. And this just LAUNCHED Mojo to the moon right? I know the idea here was to get Gronkowski involved (possibly as a substitute for Shaquille O’Neal) but Sami Zayn was RIGHT THERE to get the big win but nah, let’s go with the nothing guy winning the match. This wasn’t the best result for the battle royal but at least they were trying with Rawley, who took the time to talk to an entire group of fans when I saw him walking through Axxess that same weekend. Hopefully he gets somewhere in the future. The rest of the match was terrible with everyone being thrown out in short order and a bad ending.

Kickoff Show: Intercontinental Title: Baron Corbin vs. Dean Ambrose

Ambrose is defending and I have no idea why this was on the Kickoff Show. Corbin crushed Ambrose underneath a forklift to set this up, giving us the hilarious visual of the referees trying to LIFT IT UP despite the key being in the ignition. They waste no time in fighting to the floor with Dean getting the better of it and heading back inside.

That earns him a hard whip to send Ambrose’s ribs into the post and give Corbin a nice big target. Or 24 of them in this case. A choke shove puts Dean down for two and Baron whips him into the barricade for good measure. We hit the chinlock for a few moments before Dean avoids a charge to send Corbin shoulder first into the post. Corbin avoids the top rope elbow and blocks Dirty Deeds for good measure. That earns him a trip to the floor but Baron knocks him out of the air on a slingshot dive.

The top rope elbow puts Corbin down again though and Dean gets two off a swinging neckbreaker. These two aren’t exactly clicking so far. Deep Six gives Corbin two and works on the ribs a bit more. The Rebound Lariat runs Baron over again but he’s right back with a powerbomb to stay on the ribs. That’s about it for Corbin though as Dean jumps up and hits Dirty Deeds to retain at 10:44.

Rating: C-. I wasn’t feeling this one but the bigger issue was with the ending, as Baron winning the title would have made the most sense. Making it even worse was the fact that Baron won a street fight non-title rematch two days later but none of that matters as the Superstar Shakeup changed everything a week later. The match was nothing to see either as they didn’t go into the brawl that would have suited them best.

And now on the main show, which is FIVE HOURS AND TEN MINUTES LONG. Sweet goodness and they wonder why it’s hard to make new fans.

Tinashe, who looks like a low rent Beyonce (still very attractive though with a great voice) sings America the Beautiful. This includes the Air Force flyover, which will nearly knock you off your feet.

The opening video is about how everyone wants to come here, either as a fan or as a wrestler. This is the biggest show of the year and it is the ultimate thrill ride. The video turns into a roller coaster, starting with some historic moments and going into clips of wrestlers on tonight’s show. It’s continuing the theme and that’s a good thing when so many of these shows only have a loose theme at best. Ignore the fans cheering for Miz and AJ Styles and booing the heck out of Roman Reigns of course.

Here are your hosts for the evening: the New Day, in Final Fantasy inspired gear, with Kofi riding in on their bicycle powered ice cream cart. I still have one major question: HOW DID THEY NOT HAVE ICE CREAM FOR SALE??? They teased that for weeks and NOTHING. I was looking forward to it but for some reason it just never happened. After some dancing and gyrating, Xavier says there were a lot of options to host the show. Fans: “WOO!” It was your boys the NEW DAY who got the call though and they get to tell us about all the action that we’ll be seeing tonight.

It’s time to officially pulls their levers (making Kofi and Xavier cringe) and Big E. starts sending the smiling glances over to Woods as he freaks out. This was just after the sex tape fiasco, which was hinted at but never mentioned on WWE TV. In other words, this was a nice little inside joke for the fans while not giving away anything that would be un-PG. Well done and the way this needed to be handled. New Day’s level of rock is confirmed and that’s it, wrapping up this year’s installment of an unnecessary addition to the Wrestlemania card.

We recap AJ Styles babysitting Shane McMahon. AJ lost the Smackdown World Title to John Cena at the Royal Rumble and Daniel Bryan/Shane put him in the Elimination Chamber instead of giving him a one on one rematch for the title. That’s not cool with AJ, so he beat up Shane to set up this year’s “Shane can totally wrestle if you give him one of the best performers in the world” match. They’ve attacked each other a few times each since with Shane’s punches somehow getting a little worse since last year.

Shane McMahon vs. AJ Styles

Shane’s kids are at ringside because what would Wrestlemania be without them? AJ isn’t interested in throwing punches so a quick standing switch sends Shane into the ropes. A headlock and snapmare have Shane down as AJ is toying with him to start. Shane gets in some armdrags and takes Styles down for a rollup, giving us some frustration to send AJ outside.

Back in and AJ punches him in the face as it turns into a boxing match. You know you don’t have to ask Shane to do that twice so we let the suck fly, followed by an elbow to AJ’s face. One heck of a baseball slide sends Shane over the announcers’ table as control goes hard to Styles. Back in and a knee drop rocks Shane again but of course he can shake off the Phenomenal Blitz.

The Phenomenal Forearm is broken up and Shane starts his dance that was stupid back in the 90s so today it’s awesome (like everything in the Attitude Era). An Angle Slam gets two on AJ but he’s right back with the Calf Crusher. Shane reverses into a rear naked choke, a cross armbreaker and something like the Rings of Saturn. He trains MMA you see. AJ shrugs them off and drops Shane again but the springboard 450 is countered into a triangle choke. That’s reversed into a one armed Styles Clash, and of course Shane is up at two.

They slug it out and the fans are entirely behind AJ, even more than you might have expected them to be. I know he’s going to be the favorite coming in but this star treatment of Shane is making it even worse. The ref gets bumped (well duh) and it’s trashcan time. AJ loads up his own Coast to Coast but Shane throws the can at him (with AJ having to pull up on the dive, making it look horrible). Phillips: “AJ has stepped into Shane’s world now!” You mean high flying wrestling?

Shane’s Coast to Coast gets two and it’s time to load up the announcers’ table. The big elbow misses but of course Shane is fine enough to counter the Phenomenal Forearm into a Maiavia Hurricane. That’s not enough from Shane though as he gets to try the shooting star, which only hits mat. The Phenomenal Forearm connects to finally put Shane away at 20:31.

Rating: B. Well that was Shane, with some Shane on the side and then more Shane to wrap it up. AJ looked awesome but that’s all he supposed to be. This was all about Shane getting to counter and hang with AJ, which doesn’t do Styles any good. A 40+ year old who doesn’t wrestle shouldn’t be hanging with a guy who was World Champion less than three months ago. But hey, Shane, right?

James Ellsworth is having issues working out so Ric Flair comes in to give him a Snickers. Then Ellsworth becomes Charlotte. Uh, yeah.

We recap Chris Jericho vs. Kevin Owens. Their friendship had been having some issues of late so Jericho put together the Festival of Friendship, an over the top celebration of all things Owens and Jericho. At the end of it, Owens turns on Jericho and beat the heck out of him. Jericho came back and cost him the Universal Title at Fastlane so Owens is coming for Jericho’s Universal Title. The question became could Owens win without Jericho and now we get the chance to find out.

US Title: Chris Jericho vs. Kevin Owens

Owens is challenging. Jericho’s entrance brings back the countdown for a nice touch. Throw in the light up scarf and a big List of Jericho on the stage and this is advantage Chris. They slug it out to start with the Walls going on less than thirty seconds in. That sends Owens bailing to the floor and a top rope forearm to the head drops Owens back inside. Owens kicks him in the face and hammers away to take over.

We hit the chinlock, with some horribly obvious spot calling, followed by the backsplash for two. They head outside for the third time with Jericho backdropping his way out of the apron powerbomb. Jericho chops away and gets two off a super hurricanrana but gets clotheslined down. The frog splash misses, the Lionsault hits knees, and the Swanton hits knees as well to give us a slow down stretch.

Now the Lionsault connects for a delayed two but Owens gets in his own Walls of Jericho. A rope is grabbed so Owens tries the Cannonball, only to be reversed into the Walls. Kevin grabs the rope for the break and is right back with the Pop Up Powerbomb for two. Another Pop Up Powerbomb is countered into the Codebreaker but Owens touches the rope with one finger for the save. That’s a sweet heel touch. Owens rolls outside and superkicks the knee, setting up the apron powerbomb to give him the pin and the title at 16:46.

Rating: C+. Not bad but they never cranked up the violence that you would have expected after seeing the Festival of Friendship. These two should have been ready to destroy each other and instead it’s just a match with Owens working the ribs and looking for a powerbomb. They accomplished the goal of making Owens look like he can win on his own, but this isn’t the way they should have gone about it.

We recap the Raw Women’s Title match. Charlotte and Sasha Banks had raised the women’s division to entirely new levels and Charlotte needed a new challenger. Enter Bayley, who won the title on Raw in a big surprise, completely defeating the purpose of her character and leaving her with nothing to do. This problem would plague her for the next year and still does to this day. Nia Jax was added to the other three because you need to have as many people in Wrestlemania matches as possible.

Raw Women’s Title: Charlotte vs. Sasha Banks vs. Nia Jax vs. Bayley

Bayley is defending under elimination rules. The tube men are at ringside for a special change of pace. Sasha rides in on the back of a chauffeured car because that’s what Sasha does. Charlotte gets a crazy amount of pyro, making her look even more like a star than usual. Everyone goes after Nia to start but she wrecks them in increasingly short order. A Banzai Drop crushes Bayley and Nia throws Charlotte off the apron onto both Bayley and Sasha. There’s something about people being thrown around like weapons.

All three get together to go after Nia with Sasha wisely grabbing the leg to keep her in place. Charlotte boots Nia in the face for a double German suplex for two in a painful looking crash. Nia is back up and tries a second Banzai, only to get TripleBombed out of the corner for the elimination at 4:08.

As usual, Nia chokes in the big match because that’s just how she rolls. Charlotte pulls Bayley to the floor and it’s Sasha hitting a flip dive to take the champ down. As you might expect, it’s the corkscrew moonsault from the top to take Bayley and Sasha down again in a huge crash.

Back in and Natural Selection is countered into a failed Bank Statement attempt. Instead Charlotte gets two off a backbreaker and rips off a turnbuckle pad in frustration. Sasha’s top rope double knees are good for two of her own and the Bank Statement goes on. Sasha goes with a rollup and the kickout sends her face first into the buckle for the elimination at 8:10.

Bayley comes back in and gets her knee rammed into the exposed buckle. The moonsault, with the wind blowing Charlotte’s hair around, only hits mat to give Bayley a near fall. Charlotte is fine enough to go after the knee and grab the Figure Eight. Bayley gets to the rope so Charlotte takes her into the Tree of Woe, only to get backdropped from the top in a big crash. The big elbow is enough to retain the title at 12:04.

Rating: D. Why can’t they get these big matches right? This was completely backwards with Nia being thrown in there at the last minute and lasting all of four minutes. Then it’s Bayley not really overcoming the odds and just pinning Charlotte after shrugging off some of the offense. It’s not some come from behind win or a big moment, but really just a match where Charlotte happened to lose.

Video on the Hall of Fame induction ceremony. Hearing Jim Cornette’s voice in WWE is just wrong.

Diamond Dallas Page. Nice reaction and WELL deserved just for his stuff with Hall and Roberts alone.

Rock N Roll Express. WAY overdue.

Rick Rude. See the Rock N Roll Express.

Teddy Long. I defy you to not smile at this.

Eric LeGrand. Warrior Award and that’s fine.

Beth Phoenix. Fine enough if a female entrant is required.

Kurt Angle. Yep. Moving on.

Support the Boys and Girls Club! Fair request actually.

Raw Tag Team Titles: Enzo Amore/Big Cass vs. Anderson and Gallows vs. Sheamus/Cesaro

No real story here as this is they’ve just been feuding and it’s time for a title match. Anderson and Gallows are defending and this is a ladder match because we have to have one. Enzo and Cass’ speech is short this time as they say they’re climbing every rung to win the titles. We’re ready to go….and here’s New Day. Yeah remember them?

Anyway they’re in wrestling gear here but first, an announcement. This is now a FATAL FOUR WAY with one more team to be added. That would be the HARDY BOYZ, making a shocking return and giving us a legitimate Wrestlemania moment. Before the music hit, I stood up and said “they wouldn’t”, which was aided as I couldn’t see that New Day was in ring gear. Amazing moment here and the twenty six million YouTube views suggest that it’s quite the popular idea. Cole says thinks are about to be BROKEN and Matt does the DELETE pose.

It’s a brawl to start (as it should be) and the Hardys waste no time with Poetry in Motion to Gallows. Enzo and Cass are taken down as well as the fans are entire enamored with the Hardys all over again. A Whisper in the Wind takes both Sheamus and Cesaro down and it’s time for the first ladder. Jeff goes up but it’s Gallows making a pretty easy save. Cesaro comes back in and climbs onto Gallows’ shoulders for a double stomp onto Anderson’s ribs. Well that worked.

This time it’s Enzo and Cass coming in, just to make sure that everyone gets their turn in you see. That goes nowhere so the Hardys bridge the ladders between the ring and the apron but Cesaro and Sheamus slam them together. With a little too much Sheamus on offense, Cass launches Enzo over the ladders like a cannonball to take him down.

Back in and Sheamus hits the ten forearms to Gallows while Cesaro Swings Anderson. Despite what Cole thinks, that’s not exactly working together. We hear about the Tag Team Titles not changing hands at Wrestlemania in SIXTEEN YEARS (that’s inexcusable) until Sheamus Brogue Kicks the heck out of Cass. Enzo shoves the ladder over to drop Gallows and Sheamus and goes up, sending Graves into hysterics over the horrible possibilities.

Sheamus and Gallows come back in for the save but don’t bother to knock him off the ladder. Instead it’s Anderson climbing the ladder and knocking Cesaro into the ladder. There’s a Magic Killer to Cesaro but Matt hits them both with a Twist of Fate, including a big one off of the ladder to Anderson. Jeff hits the required Swanton off the ladder to drive Cesaro through a bridged ladder, leaving Matt to pull the titles down at 11:05.

Rating: C+. There’s only so much you can get out of a ladder match like this with almost nothing to it other than the big Hardys return. That being said, they absolutely got the ending right as there was no other way to go here. Enzo and Cass weren’t going to work after something as special as the Hardys showing up so don’t even try. There wasn’t much to this in the way of high spots either, but this was ALL about Matt and Jeff, as it should have been.

Jimmy Fallon is here.

We recap the Miz/Maryse vs. John Cena/Nikki Bella, which is mostly about Nikki and Cena teaming together for the first time ever. The idea is that Cena won’t marry Nikki so Miz and Maryse are better, meaning we’re just waiting on Cena to pop the question here. In the show stealing moment of the year though, Miz and Maryse did some parody videos of Cena and Nikki and Total Divas/Bellas, giving us some of the funniest things WWE has ever done.

They nailed the ridiculous nature of the shows to perfection and made Miz look like the guy who should be ready to break through every ceiling above her. Oh and Maryse as Nikki Bella: sweet GOODNESS that worked on about a million levels. Finally though, a year later with Miz and Maryse now as parents, Cena’s jokes about Miz “firing blanks” are pretty much dead.

Jerry Lawler is on commentary.

Nikki Bella/John Cena vs. Maryse/The Miz

Al Roker is guest ring announcer for absolutely no reason whatsoever other than having a celebrity appearance. This is Maryse’s first match nearly six years and she doesn’t look like she’s lost a step. Cena and Nikki run down the ramp and we see a wide shot for a cool visual. Cena’s mom is in the front row and he seems shocked to see her, which would be a heck of a surprise.

The women start and there’s no contact for a minute so let’s bring in the guys instead. Miz poses on the ropes and then bails to the floor to start a chase. Back in and Miz finally stomps away as we finally make contact nearly two minutes in. Maryse gets in a poke to the eye so Miz can fire off a left hand. Cena and Nikki have had no offense so far. The fans are very pleased with Miz’s beating of Cena, mainly because they realize how awesome those Total Bellas parodies were.

Miz misses the running clothesline in the corner but Maryse breaks up the hot tag attempt by pulling Nikki off the apron. A DDT gives Miz two and he slowly does Daniel Bryan’s pose (How amazing is it that the match could ACTUALLY HAPPEN?). The YES Kicks keep Cena rocked but Miz makes the mistake of telling Nikki that she can’t see him.

A big slap puts Miz on the floor and a diving tag brings in Nikki. Some bad forearms to Maryse’s arms (Shane could do better than that) don’t do much damage so Nikki runs Miz over instead. Back in and Nikki’s big forearm sets up stereo Five Knuckle Shuffles. The AA and a Rack Attack 2.0 give us a double pin at 9:38.

Rating: D-. What in the world was that? Miz beat Cena up for about eight minutes and then it was hot tag Nikki to put the villains away Hogan style. After all the work and amazing promos, this is Miz’s Wrestlemania reward. I’m so glad this is what they went with instead of Cena vs. Undertaker, which was likely possible at this show. But hey, Total Divas and Total Bellas got a plot out of it.

Post match Cena says this is what Nikki wanted when she was rehabbing her neck. He tells a downright creepy story about Nikki being groggy before going inf or surgery. Apparently Cena asked if Nikki knew he would marry her one day. She said yes, and today is that day. Cena proposes and we get the big moment as she says yes. I’m SO glad this is what Cena, in the final few years that he has in WWE, is spending one of them doing this. It’s a sweet moment, but my goodness do this on Total Bellas where the fans want to see it.

We recap Seth Rollins vs. HHH, in another dumb story. So Rollins was HHH’s big ace in the hole a few years back and everything was all evil and great. Then Rollins tore his ACL and had to vacate the World Title, which HHH took as not being good enough to be the top guy. Let me repeat that: HHH said that leg issues were signs that someone wasn’t good enough to be the man in WWE. HHH then cost the returning Rollins the title to turn him face but now it’s time for revenge with a fired up Rollins wanting to burn the place down to destroy HHH.

Seth Rollins vs. HHH

Anything goes and, as usual, HHH gets the coolest entrance of the night with a big motorcycle and a police escort, plus Stephanie as a CRAZY HOT biker chick. Seriously, I know she can be irritating but she can rock the heck out of some leather pants. He gets the biggest entrance every year and it takes up a bunch of the spotlight but I can live with it if she’s in outfits like that.

Rollins’ entrance involves holding up a torch and touching it to the ground, sending digital flames down the ramp. I get the burn it down thing but it’s rather lame, along with coming after the really cool entrance. Well done again HHH, as he continues to be smarter than most wrestlers today.

They waste no time in slugging it out with Rollins getting the better of it (therefore I must remind you: HHH once won a slugout with modern day Brock Lesnar) to knock HHH outside. A dragon screw legwhip takes Rollins down by the knee that wasn’t hurt in the first place. Rollins shrugs it off and punches him away, followed by an enziguri back inside. The suicide dive sends HHH into the barricade and it’s already time for the announcers’ table. As usual, Rollins tries a Pedigree onto the table but gets countered with a DDT which doesn’t break the table.

HHH cranks up the violence with a chair to the knee before bridging Rollins’ knee between the ring and the table so he can drive his own knee into Rollins’. Back in and the slow knee work continues, because that’s how HHH loves to work on a show this big. Rollins tries the sunset bomb but hurts his knee all over again. It’s fine enough to hit the Buckle Bomb and a hard whip sends HHH over the corner to the floor. With HHH staggered, Rollins goes up top (Graves: “He’s screwed if he hits this or not.”) and scores with a high crossbody to the floor.

Since it’s an anything goes match, Rollins loads up a pair of chairs and a table on the floor instead of just bashing HHH with the chair. A frog splash to the back keeps HHH down but he kicks the knee out to cut Rollins off again. HHH takes forever to get up top though and gets a chair pelted at his head, setting up the superplex into the Falcon Arrow for two. You know, on the bad knee.

Stephanie breaks up the Phoenix Splash by pulling the knee onto the ropes and we hit a reverse Figure Four. That’s reversed into a Gargano Escape of all things but HHH goes smart by punching him in the knee. The reverse Figure Four goes on outside so Rollins reaches underneath the ring to find weapons. Naturally this includes the sledgehammer but HHH lets the hold go.

Back in and Rollins’ knee is fine enough for a low superkick to the face, followed by an enziguri to really hammer the point home. Stephanie takes the hammer away from Rollins though and a Pedigree gives HHH two. The fans barely even reacted to that one and I can’t say I blame them.

HHH channels his inner CM Punk and loads up a super Pedigree but gets backdropped down (already done by Bayley earlier). Now the Phoenix Splash gets two but neither can hit a Pedigree. Instead HHH hits him in the knee but walks into a superkick, which knocks Stephanie off the apron and through a table. That wakes the fans WAY up just in time for the Pedigree to give Rollins the pin at 25:25.

Rating: B-. This is an interesting one I was bored out of my mind watching it live but it flies by watching it back. That being said, the constant knee work got very dull, especially when it wasn’t even Rollins’ bad knee. As usual, the Stephanie bump got by far the strongest reaction of the night because it’s something you don’t see very often. It’s not a bad match at all but you EASILY could have chopped off ten minutes and no one would have missed a thing.

Pitbull performs the theme song and eats up way too much time.

We recap Randy Orton vs. Bray Wyatt for the Smackdown World Title. Orton joined the Wyatt Family after becoming tired of being beaten down by the team. Then he won the Royal Rumble and promised to never cash in the title shot on new champion Wyatt. It wound up being a ruse though and Orton used his newfound access to the Wyatt Family compound to destroy the whole place. Then Bray poured Sister Abigail’s ashes over himself and gained her powers as this story got REALLY stupid. There was also something about Luke Harper nearly becoming #1 contender that went nowhere but warrants a quick mention.

Smackdown World Title: Bray Wyatt vs. Randy Orton

Orton is challenging and has a viper go down the ramp, which he himself called stupid. We get the Big Match Intros and Orton takes him down with a Thesz press and some right hands. They head to the floor for more right hands but Bray goes caveman with a running headbutt back inside. And then the lights go out (which I thought was a blackout) until the mat is covered with a projection of maggots. We’re about two minutes into the match and this is already in the pantheon of dumbest ideas ever.

Bray runs him over again and this time it’s worms on the mat. The referee jumps out of the ring, possibly because he wants to go work for a sensible company like TNA. A Rock Bottom into a backsplash gives Bray two but Sister Abigail is countered into a rollup for two. I mean, it doesn’t matter as they’ve completely lost the fans after that stupid, STUPID idea but never let that stop WWE.

They head outside again with Bray diving off the apron and straight into a dropkick. Sister Abigail into the barricade drops Orton again but he’s back up with an RKO to knock Bray silly on the floor. That’s only good for two back inside and Sister Abigail is countered into the backbreaker. Orton’s hanging DDT looks to set up the RKO but this time Sister Abigail connects for two. But hang on because let’s hit those roaches to complete the trio of stupid! Orton is finally done with all this nonsense and hits the RKO for the pin and the title at 10:13.

Rating: F. You are the winter, fall and spring. You are the sun that summertime brings. You are the stars in the nighttime sky. You are my girl and I’m your guy. You got me all tied up in knots and I’m lovin’ you lots and lots. I’m just lovin’ you lots and lots. I’m lovin’ you lots and lots.

That doesn’t make sense? Neither does what we just saw. Moving on.

The pilots from the flyover are here. That’s kind of cool.

We recap the Universal Title match, which all started because of a video game. Goldberg came back at Survivor Series to face Brock Lesnar in a rematch of the nightmare that was Wrestlemania XX. In a shocker, Goldberg won in about a minute and a half. Then it was decided that Goldberg could win the title again. He went on to eliminate Brock from the Royal Rumble and then won the Universal Title in about thirty seconds at Fastlane. Lesnar needed to defeat Goldberg once and for all so we’re having the match for the title tonight. This is all narrated by Paul Heyman, who talks about fantasies coming to an end in a nice touch.

Here’s the thing: you could do this same story without the title. Have Lesnar put up his career to get one more shot at Goldberg (it’s not like there was any doubt on the winner here anyway) so let us have the original plan: Owens dropping the title to Jericho (who never won the World Title as a face) and then Lesnar winning it the next month. Nah. We need GOLDBERG winning the title in a nostalgia moment for whatever reason.

Universal Title: Goldberg vs. Brock Lesnar

Goldberg is defending and gets the long walk to the ring which might as well be the long walk to the gallows. Lesnar wastes no time and hits three German suplexes in nineteen seconds. In a great visual, the camera is on Lesnar when Goldberg cuts him down with a spear. A second spear sends Lesnar bailing and the third spear takes Lesnar through the barricade. That’s the first MINUTE of this match as they’re certainly starting fast.

Back in and both finishers are escaped, setting up another spear to Lesnar. The Jackhammer gets two, making Lesnar the second person to ever kick out (the other being Hogan, who only did it because of a missed cue). That means another spear (Heyman: “HE’S IN POSITION AGAIN!”) but this time Lesnar leapfrogs him and Goldberg hits the buckles. More suplexes (make it ten total) set up the F5 to officially conquer Goldberg at 4:47.

Rating: B. This was PERFECT for what they had to work with. Goldberg wasn’t going to be out there for a long match (he didn’t in his prime either) and they went with the right path. This was as action packed of a nearly five minute match as all you could have done. That first spear looked awesome and Goldberg gets to go out on his big moment. I’m pleased, though not as much as Goldberg, who probably made a ton of money for less than ten minutes combined of wrestling time in his comeback.

Smackdown Women’s Title: Alexa Bliss vs. Naomi vs. Becky Lynch vs. Carmella vs. Mickie James vs. Natalya

Alexa is defending and this is the most thrown together match that I can remember in a good while. They’re also rushing through the entrances due to the time issues. You know, because NOW they care about time issues. Naomi is the hometown girl and MY GOODNESS the Glow entrance is a sight to behold in a stadium. There are no tags of course so it’s a big brawl to start.

Naomi gets sent to the floor for a double suplex from Natalya and Carmella. Back in and Becky kicks the two of them down but James Ellsworth (Remember that?) grabs Becky’s foot to take over. Bliss breaks up a cover and screams at Carmella to get out of her ring. The DDT gets two on Natalya but Becky breaks it up this time, only to have Ellsworth come in. No Chin Music is countered into a Bexploder and it’s Naomi coming back in this time.

Naomi slingshots in to sunset flip Natalya, who German suplexes Becky at the same time. Speaking of the same time, Natalya tries a double Sharpshooter on Carmella and Naomi but can’t get the legs up. Well, not surprising, but it’s so bad that the camera cuts to her back. Naomi comes back in for a Rear View to Bliss and a big dive to take everyone out. Back in and Naomi’s reverse Rings of Saturn makes Bliss tap for the title at 5:33.

Rating: D. The timing issues KILLED this and there’s no way around it. Much like the ladder match earlier, there’s nothing you can do when you have five minutes and six people in a match. Naomi winning the title back is cool, but I still have no idea why her winning it back in her hometown is supposed to be some huge deal. Yeah it’s cool, but it’s not like this is some great moment.

Wrestlemania XXXIV is in New Orleans. Those songs will drive you crazy by the end of the weekend.

New Day comes out to thank the fans for the record attendance of 75,245. The team is still funny but egads they could have been cut out of this whole thing and not been missed.

We recap Roman Reigns vs. Undertaker. Reigns eliminated him from the Rumble and now we have a match to determine who is the real Big Dog.

Jim Ross is out to do commentary for the main event. That’s even more impressive when you consider his wife died days before this show.

Undertaker vs. Roman Reigns

No holds barred, first announced before the entrances. Reigns is booed out of the stadium, as has become a custom. In a smart move, Undertaker rises from the middle of the ramp (with a cool visual of smoke building up and clearing to reveal him standing there). I completely missed this as I was looking at the stage and then glanced down to the ring and saw him climbing the steps.

Undertaker slugs away in the corner to start and knocks Reigns to the floor. Back in and Reigns knocks him over the top as well, with Undertaker landing on his feet. Reigns hammers him down to take over and they head outside so this can be more of a brawl, which is the only way to go. The apron dropkick (to a standing Undertaker) puts Undertaker down again but he wins a slugout back inside. Reigns hits him in the face and Undertaker just looks mad.

Snake Eyes and the big boot set up the legdrop for two. The threat of a chokeslam sends Reigns outside again and this time the apron dropkick is punched out of the air. Another dropkick staggers Undertaker but it’s a chokeslam onto the announcers’ table. They climb onto the other tables and it’s a spear to drive Undertaker through (almost in a running spinebuster) for the double knockout.

Reigns is the only one back in….and Undertaker sits up. Back in and Reigns does the corner clotheslines into the corner right hands, meaning the Last Ride (an AWFUL one at that with little impact and more Undertaker dropping Reigns than slamming him down). It’s chair time but Undertaker takes it away and beats him down instead. A quick Superman Punch knocks Undertaker into the ropes but another is countered into a chokeslam onto the chair.

The Tombstone gets two and the fans, who are supposed to be smart at Wrestlemania, seem shocked at the kickout. Off the first Tombstone. In a Wrestlemania match. Who’s the smart one here? Another Tombstone is loaded up but this time Reigns backflips….and just can’t lift Undertaker for the counter. They try a few more times but just stop for the sake of embarrassment with Reigns trying a Superman Punch instead.

The spear connects but Undertaker is fine enough to put on Hell’s Gate. The rope is reached for a break (erg) and Reigns unloads with the chair. Another spear gets another two and another spear gets another two and another Superman Punch (Undertaker sits up and falls over) sets up another spear to give Undertaker his second Wrestlemania loss at 22:57. That last sequence took nearly five minutes.

Rating: D+. It’s not terrible, but Undertaker looked like an old man who should have hung it up a few years ago. The problem here was the crowd being completely dead and it showed really badly. There’s only so much energy you can have in an academic match at the end of a seven hour show. Reigns winning makes complete sense but it was a bad match (the botches and CRAZY amount of time spent standing around didn’t do it any favors) and there’s no way around that.

Reigns gets the big pyro display behind him as he stands on the ramp (great shot) but we’re not done yet. Undertaker slowly sits up and we go to a bunch of replays. Back to live and it’s Undertaker standing in the ring with the hat and coat on. I use that term loosely as it looks like Mark Callaway standing there dressed as Undertaker. For the first time, it seems like we’re seeing the real person instead of the character, which is a MAJOR change for him.

He looks around to the crowd, takes off his gloves, coat and hat and folds them up in the ring. With the fans applauding, he goes outside, kisses Michelle McCool, and walks up the ramp. Undertaker stops, looks back one more time, raises the fist, and lowers down through the ramp, fist still in the air, to end the show with the gong sounding one more time. There was no commentary for the last ten minutes, without even a goodbye (appropriate here).

That’s about as perfect of a sendoff as WWE has ever done. It was emotional, it felt special, and it came off like the real thing. Undertaker is the last vestige of that older generation and him breaking character for the first time ever and leaving is incredible to see. It’s why I don’t want to see him wrestle again and why it makes me sad to think that he will. Incredible stuff, and Thank You Taker.

Overall Rating: C+. There’s no way around it: this show is way way way way way way way WAY too long. I got through an hour of the show a few days back (you know I’m not watching this in one sitting) and looked down at the bar in near horror of how little space I had covered. Five hours, plus TWO HOURS of a Kickoff Show is just too much, especially when there’s stuff to be cut. What could be cut? Well off the top of my head:

AJ vs. Shane (move AJ to ANYTHING else and drop Shane) entirely or at least cut it down by about eight minutes

Corbin vs. Ambrose (I know it’s the Intercontinental Title but on a show this huge, it’s understandable)

Smackdown Women’s Title (it’s just nothing and felt like total filler)

Five to ten minutes each off of Reigns vs. Undertaker and HHH vs. Rollins (those combine for nearly fifty minutes total)

Pitbull

AT LEAST get this down to four and a half hours of main show. That can’t be too much to ask, right?

Other than the timing issues though, the show is mostly solid. There’s a ton of good stuff up until the mixed tag and then things start to fall apart. The Universal Title match was as perfect as it was going to be get but there’s just so much bad around it (Bray vs. Orton, Reigns vs. Undertaker, HHH vs. Rollins in that match that is still going on somewhere, with HHH still working the knee) that the good is dragged down.

At the end of the day, it all comes back to the timing issues as there’s almost no way to make a show this long work. It’s too much to sit through and it becomes a chore at the end. Just cut this down by a good hour (or two) and things are much better, but bigger is better for WWE and that’s not changing anytime soon. As it is, the show works more than it misses but it’s still not a classic by any means.

Ratings Comparison

Neville vs. Austin Aries

Original: A-

2018 Redo: B

Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal

Original: D

2018 Redo: D-

Dean Ambrose vs. Baron Corbin

Original: C+

2018 Redo: C-

Shane McMahon vs. AJ Styles

Original: B

2018 Redo: B

Kevin Owens vs. Chris Jericho

Original: B

2018 Redo: C+

Sasha Banks vs. Bayley vs. Charlotte vs. Nia Jax

Original: C-

2018 Redo: D

Hardy Boyz vs. Anderson and Gallows vs. Enzo Amore/Big Cass vs. Sheamus/Cesaro

Original: B

2018 Redo: C+

John Cena/Nikki Bella vs. The Miz/Maryse

Original: D

2018 Redo: D-

HHH vs. Seth Rollins

Original: C+

2018 Redo: B-

Bray Wyatt vs. Randy Orton

Original: F

2018 Redo: F

Brock Lesnar vs. Goldberg

Original: B

2018 Redo: B

Naomi vs. Alexa Bliss vs. Becky Lynch vs. Carmella vs. Mickie James vs. Natalya

Original: D-

2018 Redo: D

Undertaker vs. Roman Reigns

Original: D+

2018 Redo: D+

Overall Rating

Original: B

2018 Redo: C+

Yeah I overrated a lot of this the first time around. It’s good, but not that good.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/04/07/wrestlemania-xxxiii-a-long-wait-for-a-long-show-with-a-long-ramp/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

 

Wrestlemania XXXII
Date: April 3, 2016
Location: AT&T Stadium, Arlington, Texas
Attendance: 101,763
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Byron Saxton

As we get ready for the pre-show matches, the place might be 10% full at this point as there was some confusion in opening the gates. There were no lines and it was just a sea of humanity trying to get inside.

Pre-Show: Ryback vs. Kalisto

Ryback plants him off a headlock and easily throws the champ outside. Kalisto gets in a quick bulldog for two but the kickout sends him outside. Some double knees to the chest get the same result and Ryback gets to show off by gorilla pressing Kalisto up the steps and back inside. We take a break and come back with Kalisto taking a hard elbow to the jaw for two.

Team Total Divas vs. Team B.A.D. and Blonde

Total Divas: Natalya, Brie Bella, Paige, Alicia Fox, Eva Marie

B.A.D. and Blonde: Naomi, Lana, Summer Rae, Tamina, Emma

Post match Nikki Bella comes out in her neck brace in what is supposed to be some big moment.

Usos vs. Dudley Boyz

Post match the Dudleyz load up some tables but get splashed through them instead. Cool visual if nothing else.

Fifth Harmony sings a very nice rendition of America the Beautiful.

Inter-continental Title: Kevin Owens vs. The Miz vs. Dolph Ziggler vs. Zack Ryder vs. Stardust vs. Sin Cara vs. Sami Zayn

Cara hits the big dive to put Stardust through the ladder, leaving Owens and Zayn to slug it out above the ring. Sami gets the better of it and hits the half and half suplex to drop Owens head first into a ladder (sick looking landing). That lets Sami go up until Miz shoves him over but this time Miz takes too long going up, earning himself a big shove off from Ryder, who climbs the ladder for the huge upset at 15:24.

AJ Styles vs. Chris Jericho

Jericho drives him into the corner to start and the AJ STYLES chants are already going nice and strong. Styles gets in a hurricanrana and a snappy armdrag before sending Jericho outside. That should mean a slingshot dive but Jericho dropkicks him out of the air to take over. Back in and a neckbreaker sets up a dragon sleeper for a change of pace.

AJ tries to fight back but gets pulled down into the Walls for some good old fashioned ASK HIM/AHHHH exchanges. A rope is grabbed so AJ can hit the moonsault into a reverse DDT for two. Both guys head to the corner for a super sitout gordbuster and one heck of a crash. The Pele is countered into a Walls attempt but AJ reverses that into the Calf Crusher.

The Styles Clash is broken up and a Codebreaker gets a delayed two (with Cole making sure to say the near fall was due to the delay in a nice touch). For a change of pace, Jericho loads up AJ for the Styles Clash but gets planted face first for two instead. A rollup exchange sets up the real Styles Clash for two and the springboard 450 gets the same. With nothing else left, AJ heads to the apron and loads up the Phenomenal Forearm, only to have Jericho shove the referee away and catch Styles with the Codebreaker for the pin at 17:08.

New Day vs. League of Nations

Dean Ambrose vs. Brock Lesnar

Anything goes and Heyman gives Brock a big, over the top intro. JBL gives us a good example of trying to be too smart by calling Lesnar a former NWA Champion (assuming he means NCAA), which of course he never won. Brock hits the first suplex inside of ten seconds and the huge video screen above the ring kept count (It had been all over the place all night with unicorns for the New Day and various three camera shot replays. In other words, it was annoying in a hurry.).

Hall of Fame time with a pretty good class:

Godfather (So completely out of place here.)

Stan Hansen (How was he not in already?)

Joan Lunden (Warrior Award, which seems to have been forgotten this year.)

Fabulous Freebirds (You could argue they were the headliners.)

Snoop Dogg (Harmless. Not exactly PG but harmless.)

Sting (Only entrance and the loudest reaction.)

Everyone trades rollups to start in a fast and pretty athletic sequence until Charlotte kicks Becky in the face. That earns a nice round of applause and you can tell the women are ready tonight. A hurricanrana sends Charlotte across the ring and Sasha throws in an Eddie dance. They botch (not bad) a sunset flip/German suplex spot before Charlotte it sent outside, leaving Sasha to elbow Becky in the face.

Charlotte poses and gets some pyro to really make this special.

The Cell is lowered for the 33^rd time in WWE history. That stat kind of pulls things back a bit no?

Shane McMahon vs. Undertaker

Rating: D-. WAY too long here with a match that should have been a glorified squash (which this was) that ran only about half this long. The idea that Shane could hang in there with Undertaker under these or any circumstances (including a bunch of run-ins, which never happened), is a combination of insulting and stupid.

The pre-show panel chats for a bit.

Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal

Konnor gets rid of Page a few seconds later as this is already pretty dull stuff. The yet to be official Golden Truth eliminates Konnor and Tatanka goes on a warpath that no one was asking for. Corbin tosses Tatanka to no reaction and Kane backdrops Swagger out. The Social Outcasts of all people clean house and get rid of Goldust and Truth. We get a victory lap until Kane and Corbin get rid of Rose and Axel.

Wrestlemania XXXIII is in Orlando.

The Rock vs. Erick Rowan

Rock Bottom, six seconds. Again, I saw this called Rock burying the Wyatts. You know, because people are worried about ERICK ROWAN needing protection.

WWE World Title: Roman Reigns vs. HHH

Rating: D. And a lot of that is just for having the guts to go out there and do a match this boring in this spot on this show. This match was twelve minutes of HHH working on the arm and then getting into the main event style that went exactly where we knew it was going. The lack of drama or really anything interesting (save for that Stephanie spear) killed this and there was no recovering given how long the thing ran.

A quick celebration sets up the traditional long music video to wrap things up.

Ratings Comparison

Zack Ryder vs. Stardust vs. Sin Cara vs. Sami Zayn vs. Kevin Owens vs. The Miz vs. Dolph Ziggler

Original: B

Redo: B

AJ Styles vs. Chris Jericho

Original: B

Redo: B

New Day vs. League of Nations

Original: C-

Redo: D+

Brock Lesnar vs. Dean Ambrose

Original: D+

Redo: C+

Charlotte vs. Becky Lynch vs. Sasha Banks

Original: B+

Redo: A-

Shane McMahon vs. Undertaker

Original: D

Redo: D-

Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal

Original: D

Redo: D

The Rock vs. Erick Rowan

Original: N/A

Redo: N/A

HHH vs. Roman Reigns

Original: D

Redo: D

Overall Rating

Original: C-

Redo: D

Oh yeah I was still feeling the in-person vibe when I watched this back the first time. A C- is WAY too generous.

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2016/04/08/wrestlemania-xxxii-strap-yourselves-in-this-is-a-long-one/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

 

Smackdown
Date: March 25, 2022
Location: Barclays Center, New York City, New York
Commentators: Michael Cole, Pat McAfee

We’re eight days away from Wrestlemania and believe it or not, the preview for the show has a picture of Roman Reigns/Brock Lesnar/Paul Heyman, because that is the only thing on this show that matters. It would be nice for the new Intercontinental Champion to get a Wrestlemania match set up, but I wouldn’t bet on it anytime soon. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a recap of Brock Lesnar’s path of rage last week, including the fork lift attack on the Bloodline’s SUV.

Opening sequence.

Brock Lesnar is outside of Reigns’ dressing room and says that he has paid some fines and bought some vehicles, including a blood red SUV for Reigns himself. Now upper management has told him to not have any contact with Reigns, so he’ll be sitting in Reigns’ locker room and wait for a good provoking. Lesnar goes into the empty room, likes what he has found (“Not as good as mine but not bad”) and puts his feet on the table, breaking it in the process. As Lesnar tends to do.

Jimmy Uso vs. Shinsuke Nakamura

Jey Uso and Rick Boogs are here too, with Boogs throwing Jey at Jimmy to send us to a break before the bell. The battle over wrist control doesn’t last long so Nakamura gives us a COME ON before taking Jimmy down. Good Vibrations makes it worse for Jimmy and he heads outside for a breather.

Back in and Jimmy gets two off a belly to back suplex, setting up the chinlock. Nakamura fights up but gets sent to the apron and then out to the floor. Jimmy’s suicide dive is cut off by a kick to the head though and we take a break. Back with Nakamura knocking Jimmy down again but Jey jumps Boogs before Kinshasa can launch. The distraction lets Jimmy hit a superkick for two so Jey goes after the guitar. That distraction lets Nakamura hit a spinning kick to the head, setting up Kinshasa for the pin at 8:36.

Rating: C-. It’s not a good sign when you need to go double interference and the fact that it’s a singles match to set up a tag match at the pay per view. This is one of WWE’s most overdone tropes and I’m not sure why it is supposed to be impressive. Nakamura is a former multiple time singles champion and a former Royal Rumble winner. Jimmy Uso is a career tag guy with pretty much no notable singles wins. Why is this an accomplishment for Nakamura?

Raw Rebound, focusing on Kevin Owens as Steve Austin.

Brock Lesnar is eating Roman Reigns’ grapes and breaking his bottle of champagne.

Shad Gaspard is receiving the Warrior Award at the Hall of Fame.

Drew McIntyre could take out Happy Corbin tonight but he’d rather do it on the biggest stage of them all.

Video on Happy Corbin’s fall and rise back up to the top of the world. Then he joined up with Madcap Moss and took out Drew McIntyre, leading to their Wrestlemania match.

Kofi Kingston vs. Ridge Holland

Hold on though, as Kofi has a surprise: Holland is facing the returning Xavier Woods! The fact that Woods was introduced as accompanying Kofi to the ring might take away some of the surprise.

King Woods vs. Ridge Holland

Sheamus and Butch are here too. Holland throws him around to start and gets small packaged for the pin at 46 seconds. Ok then.

Paul Heyman joins us from Roman Reigns’ car after a trip to Del Frisco’s Steakhouse. They’re on their way here and know what Brock Lesnar has done. Threats are made if Lesnar isn’t out of there.

Here’s Ronda Rousey for a chat but first we recap her recent issues with Charlotte. Rousey says she isn’t taking Charlotte’s title, because after Charlotte taps, she can give the title over. Then she’ll be the “Women’s Smackdown Champion.” Rousey: “Why do we have to say women anyway? Call me the Smackdown Champion”.

She calls Charlotte out, but here is Charlotte via satellite to say she isn’t here tonight. Rousey says she broke her first arm at 14 and now she has lost count of how many she has broken. Charlotte laughs it off so Rousey threatens to take her arm off at Wrestlemania. As usual, Rousey is not the most natural speaker.

Kayla Braxton comes in to see Brock Lesnar and asks if he should leave Roman Reigns’ locker room. Lesnar says go find Reigns because he is running out of things to break.

Ricochet vs. Humberto

Championship Contenders match. Angel is here with Humberto for the Los Lotharios Kiss Cam and it takes some time for them to find a woman to kiss. We take a break before the match and come back with…this.

Ricochet vs. Angel

Yes they changed the match during the commercial, because WWE likes to do weird things. Angel starts fast but gets set into the corner, allowing Ricochet to nip up. A jumping knee sets up a high crossbody but Humberto offers a distraction, allowing Angel to small package him for the pin at 2:03.

Post match Ricochet says not so fast so let’s do this too.

Ricochet vs. Humberto

Championship Contenders match. Ricochet isn’t playing this time and knocks Humberto outside, setting up the big running flip dive to send us to a break. Back with Ricochet hitting a springboard hurricanrana, setting up a middle rope moonsault. Angel’s distraction lets Humberto roll him up for two but Ricochet rolls some suplexes for two. Angel pulls Humberto out of the way of the 630 so Ricochet hits a big dive to wipe Angel out. That sends Angel underneath the ring so Ricochet hits a tornado DDT on the floor. Then Angel grabs the foot and Ricochet is counted out at 7:03.

Rating: D+. Well that’s to be expected. Since there is absolutely no other way to set up a title match than by having the champ lose twice in ten minutes, here we are. Ricochet couldn’t just say he wanted a challenge, have both of them come out, and then say sure I’ll do it. No, that would be too interesting and make him look too good. This is the best idea that they had and that says a lot.

Austin Theory runs up behind Pat McAfee and slaps his headset off. McAfee gives chase but Theory runs into Mr. McMahon’s office, leaving McAfee slapping the door. Shouldn’t McAfee have tripped on the way there and then paid a janitor for messing something up? Seems how most good guys are on this show.

We hear about HHH’s in-ring career being over, which is rather sobering given how close to death he was.

Sasha Banks vs. Rhea Ripley vs. Carmella vs. Queen Zelina

All of their partners are here too. Banks and Ripley clear the ring to start and Rhea hits the Rey Mysterio sitout bulldog. Everyone, including partners, get inside for a big brawl and we take a break. Back with the partners all gone and Baszler saving banks from the Prism Trap. Zelina comes in and covers all three for two each but gets pulled into the Bank Statement.

Baszler tries another save so it’s a double Bank Statement with Ripley having to make a save. Banks has to save Ripley from the Kirifuda Clutch, leaving Baszler to save Banks from Zelina’s Code Red. With Baszler on the floor, Ripley hits a flip dive but Vega takes Ripley out as well. Back in and the Bank Statement makes Vega tap at 8:48.

Rating: C. The champ loses again because that’s how you set up title matches around here. This was another match where everyone was doing stuff until one of them got the pin, which is somehow supposed to make me want to see these four teams in a match at Wrestlemania. It didn’t do so in particular, and I doubt it will either on Raw when the other four do the same thing.

Roman Reigns and Paul Heyman arrive. Heyman says he’s worried but Reigns says he’ll be fine. Reigns: “But Brock Lesnar won’t.”

We run down the Wrestlemania card.

Here are Roman Reigns and Paul Heyman for the big final chat. Reigns says Brock Lesnar better be out of his locker room so we cut to said locker room, where Lesnar is nowhere to be found. We cut to the parking lot, where Lesnar has a PICKAXE to smash up Reigns’ car. Reigns says there won’t be any weapons at Wrestlemania, so Lesnar comes to the ring.

Cue Lesnar through the crowd to stare at Reigns from the announcers’ table. Security comes out so Lesnar grabs a chair and dives onto the guards. Reigns and Heyman (plus the Usos, who just appeared) bail so Lesnar beats up security some more. Reigns pops up on screen and promises to make Lesnar acknowledge him at Wrestlemania.

This was one of the most frustrating endings to a show I have seen in a long time. The segment was good, as have been most of the Lesnar vs. Reigns showdowns. What makes it frustrating is that WWE knows how to make a match feel important but they would rather just focus on this one match than anything else on the show. They have intentionally made Wrestlemania a one match show and it has been such a huge part of what is wrong with this year’s show.

Overall Rating: D. I don’t remember the last time I was this annoyed at a WWE show and everything turned on those Ricochet matches. This show felt like it was either actively trying to make everyone (save Lesnar) I’m supposed to cheer for at Wrestlemania look like a loser or trying to make every match as uninteresting as possible. Lesnar vs. Reigns might as well be the whole show and WWE continues to use the same tropes they have used for years to weaker and weaker impact. This show got on my nerves in a big way and that is not a good sign eight days before the biggest weekend of the year.

Results
Shinsuke Nakamura b. Jimmy Uso – Kinshasa
King Woods b. Ridge Holland – Small package
Angel b. Ricochet – Rollup
Humberto b. Ricochet via countout
Sasha Banks b. Queen Zelina, Shayna Baszler and Rhea Ripley – Bank Statement to Vega

 

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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AND

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Smackdown
Date: March 18, 2022
Location: Spectrum Center, Charlotte, North Carolina
Commentators: Pat McAfee, Michael Cole

Wrestlemania is two weeks from tomorrow and we have most of the card set. There are still some matches to be made, but most of this show is probably going to be about building on what has already been started. That can make for some successful shows, but the stories need to be good in the first place. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

In memory of Scott Hall.

We open with a recap of Roman Reigns attacking Brock Lesnar at Madison Square Garden, leading to Lesnar trying to eat Paul Heyman last week.

Here is the Bloodline to get things going. Reigns tells the crowd to acknowledge him before moving on to Lesnar. Hold on though as Heyman interrupts, saying that due to a bad weather patter, Lesnar is stuck in Canada and will not be here tonight. The fans want Lesnar and Reigns says he wants the same thing.

Reigns talks about how he would have smashed Lesnar had be been here but keeps cutting off Heyman from saying something else. He finally lets Heyman give his update: Lesnar has landed and he’s on his way here! Heyman: “WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?” Reigns: “I know what I’m gonna do: I’m gonna let you wrap it up and we’re gonna get out of here.” Everyone bails in a hurry after a runny moments from Reigns.

After a look at what’s coming tonight, the Bloodline is running away and gets in their car. Cue Lesnar, on a forklift (which was apparently just laying around), to stab the lift through the car and, during a break, turn it its side. The Bloodline escapes and gets in a truck, which Lesnar chases down and rips a door off as they peel out again. Lesnar even dropped his hat.

Here is Lesnar in the arena, with the truck door, saying he is a little fired up. Roman Reigns has unleashed the bipolar beast. In two weeks, at Wrestlemania, Lesnar is going to do more than blow the door off because he’s coming for blood so Reigns better be prepared.

We look back at Rick Boogs earning a Tag team Title shot at Wrestlemania for himself and Shinsuke Nakamura.

Rick Boogs/Shinsuke Nakamura vs. Los Lotharios

Humberto and Nakamura start things off, with Nakamura not being thrilled at the kiss blown his way. COME ON sets up the beatdown to start, including Good Vibrations in the corner. The running knee to the ribs gets two so it’s Angel coming in to take over with some double teaming. Angel TAKES OFF HIS PANTS and it’s a double basement dropkick to the back for two on Nakamura.

That doesn’t last long but the comeback is cut off so Nakamura can get beaten down some more. A cheap shot takes Boogs off the apron and a running shot to the face gets two on Nakamura. That’s broken up this time though and the hot tag brings in Boogs to start cleaning house. The Boogs Cruise finishes Angel at 4:46.

Rating: C. Now this is the kind of match that can do some good for Nakamura and Boogs. While they’re somewhat established as a team, they can use a few more wins on the way to their title shot. Granted it might have made more sense to do that the other way around, but at least they are starting to put something together and that is how you build a team up.

We look back at Drew McIntyre fighting off a three on one beatdown last week.

Happy Corbin is ready to win, though Madcap Moss’ joke (What do you call an episode of Happy Time that puts everyone to sleep? Nappy time!) has everyone looking at him.

Viking Raiders/Drew McIntyre vs. Happy Corbin/Shanky/Jinder Mahal

Madcap Moss is here with the villains. Shanky takes Erik into the corner to start so it’s off to Mahal, who gets dropped by the Vikings. Ivar cleans house but Corbin plants him with a spinebuster and we take a break. Back with Mahal putting Ivar in a chinlock, which is broken up without much trouble. The hot tag brings in McIntyre to take out Mahal and Shanky as Corbin and Moss watch from the floor. A Michinoku Driver sets up the Claymore to finish Shanky at 7:14.

Rating: C-. It is becoming more and more clear that there is little way to make Corbin vs. McIntyre interesting. McIntyre is on another level than Corbin and it feels like they are trying to fill in as much time as they can before the match and its inevitable ending. This wasn’t even that interesting of a match, but some of that might have to do with how little I care to see the end result.

Sami Zayn is sick of Johnny Knoxville and his childish pranks. Zayn wants their Wrestlemania match to be anything goes.

Sasha Banks/Naomi vs. Rhea Ripley/Liv Morgan

Carmella and Queen Zelina are at ringside. Morgan and Banks start things off with Banks wristdragging her down. They trade rollups for two each and stereo dropkicks give us a standoff. Naomi comes in and takes Liv down for the splits splash but it’s off to Ripley instead. As Carmella shows off her engagement ring, Ripley hits a basement dropkick for two on Naomi and then powers out of a headlock.

Banks gets her chance but can’t manage a suplex on the bigger Ripley. Instead Ripley hits a delayed vertical suplex for two, allowing the tag back to Morgan. Banks and Naomi are sent outside so Ripley can cannonball them down from the apron as we take a break (with the champs being very happy).

We come back with McAfee pointing out that these three teams were all thrown together as Ripley fights out of a chinlock. Banks comes back in for the double knees in the corner to Morgan, setting up the middle rope Meteora for two. Morgan enziguris her way out of trouble so Ripley can come in with a heck of a missile dropkick for two on Banks. Riptide is broken up though and it’s a Backstabber from Banks to set up the split legged moonsault for two, with Morgan diving in for the save. A double superplex to Ripley is turned into a Tower of Doom….but Natalya and Shayna Baszler come in for the double DQ at 11:50.

Rating: B-. This was cooking near the end but then they had to do something to add yet another thrown together team into the Wrestlemania title match. Fair enough as they already have two thrown together teams so why not make it a third? I do like that neither of the teams took a fall, but dang I wanted to see more of this and the interference was a letdown.

Post match the big beatdown is on with the champs joining in. Natalya and Baszler say they’re coming for the titles so Carmella and Vega get nervous. Some Natalya sign pointing makes things even more clear.

Johnny Knoxville is in on the anything goes deal.

Pat McAfee has been summoned to Vince McMahon’s office.

Sonya Deville approves of Natalya and Shayna Baszler, so they’re in the Women’s Tag Team Title match too.

Here is McAfee back in the arena and getting into the ring. McAfee talks about seeing professional wrestling (his words) for the first time as a kid and it shaped him forever. He always wanted to do something and after he retired from the NFL, he got a call from Michael Cole, who offered him a job doing commentary on Smackdown.

McAfee talks about going from city to city but here is Austin Theory to interrupt. As per Vince McMahon’s orders, McAfee has to apologize for last week, so McAfee apologizes for giving him that beat. He also apologizes for Theory’s parents hating him and for Theory being a punk b****. Theory takes a selfie, laughs about the apology, and shoves McAfee being running off.

We look back at Brock Lesnar chasing the Bloodline into the parking lot and ripping the door off the hinges.

Rick Boogs and Shinsuke Nakamura go mountain biking.

Kofi Kingston vs. Ridge Holland

Butch and Sheamus are here too. Before the match, we look at Big E.’s injury and his various messages, including saying how touched he is by the outpouring of success and promising to get better. It’s a brawl to start with Holland being knocked outside and Kofi trust falls him into the announcers’ table. We take a break and come back with Kofi fighting out of a chinlock and chopping away. Kofi starts the real comeback and hits the Boom Drop but a Sheamus distraction lets Butch shove Kofi off the top. Butch gets ejected but tries to come back in. That’s enough of a distraction for Holland to hit Northern Grit for the pin at 6:52.

Rating: C. I think you can see where this is going and that would be Xavier Woods returning to help Kingston even the odds up a little bit. I double they get a third person for the match but at least 3-2 is a bit better. Holland winning is certainly a way to go here, but they did at least offer him a bit of remorse by having commentary talk about him apologizing to Big E. It isn’t meant to be some evil deed but rather an accident and I think I like that better than exploiting such a terrible situation.

Long recap of Ronda Rousey vs. Charlotte’s recent issues, with Rousey making Charlotte tap to the ankle lock. Charlotte couldn’t make Rousey tap last week though and frustration seems to have set in.

Here is Charlotte for the closing chat. Charlotte talks about her dominance and says no one has caused Ronda Rousey more pain than her. She is going to beat Rousey at Wrestlemania because she is the mountain that Rousey has to climb. Rousey does not have what it takes to win so she will go back home and make another baby after it’s over. Actually Charlotte can’t wait, so come out here right now and take a beating in Charlotte’s hometown.

Cue Rousey, ignoring Kayla Braxton’s warnings that it might be a trap, but Charlotte pulls out a kendo stick. Rousey ducks the big swing though and goes for the armbar, sending Charlotte outside. That’s fine with Rousey, who follows her out for the ankle lock. Charlotte breaks that up with a kendo stick shot but the choking won’t make Rousey tap. Instead, Charlotte powerbombs her through the announcers’ table to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. I can always go for a show that feels like it has goals in mind and then sets out to accomplish those goals. That is what we got here, as this show focused on a variety of either Wrestlemania matches or stories that are going to become Wrestlemania matches and built them up. Wrestlemania has needed some shows like this and it was nice to see one that didn’t go flying off the rails. My one issue: Ricochet was nowhere to be seen and seems to be waiting on a last second addition to make Wrestlemania. He’s the Intercontinental Champion and that shouldn’t be his best option.

Results
Rick Boogs/Shinsuke Nakamura b. Los Lotharios – Boogs Cruise to Angel
Viking Raiders/Drew McIntyre b. Happy Corbin/Jinder Mahal/Shanky – Claymore to Shanky
Sasha Banks/Naomi vs. Liv Morgan/Rhea Ripley went to a double DQ when Shayna Baszler and Natalya interfered
Ridge Holland b. Kofi Kingston – Northern Grit

 

 

 

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Smackdown
Date: March 11, 2022
Location: Legacy Arena, Birmingham, Alabama
Commentators: Michael Cole, Pat McAfee

We are rapidly approaching Wrestlemania and the card is probably about half done. There are still a lot of matches left to be set for the card and it would be nice to see one or more of those matches being added this week. WWE has already set up more than a few matches and stories for the show so at least they have something started. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a look at Brock Lesnar getting beaten down by the Bloodline at Madison Square Garden, leaving him a bloody mess.

Here is a ticked off Brock Lesnar (who looks perfectly fine and is already back six days after that kind of a beating because taking your time is a lost concept in modern wrestling) who gets right to the point. He doesn’t care about Wrestlemania contracts or WWE Titles (which he throws out of the ring) because all he wants is Reigns’ blood.

Lesnar demands that Reigns get out here but he gets Paul Heyman instead. Heyman says Lesnar wants Reigns….but Reigns isn’t here tonight for Lesnar’s protection. Lesnar: “If Reigns isn’t here, who is going to protect you Paul?” The chase is on (with Heyman running more than he has in years) but Lesnar stops to beat up security, allowing Heyman to escape in a car.

We look back at Sheamus and Ridge Holland destroying Big E.’s ATV.

Sheamus and Holland, still with their sledgehammers, saying they improved the ATV by making it lighter. They want a real fight night tonight and they have someone who wants in on it: Butch, better known as Pete Dunne in a hat (who looks a bit miserable, but that might be Dunne). This is a brilliant idea, because when you have Pete Dunne, a 20 something year old phenom, your best bet is to set him up for Bushwhackers jokes.

New Day vs. Sheamus/Ridge Holland

Butch is here with Sheamus and Ridge. New Day goes after Sheamus before the bell to start so we settle down to Holland taking Kofi down and dropping a knee to the face. Kofi hits a springboard dropkick for two so it’s off to Sheamus vs. Big E. The chase is on and Sheamus catches him with the forearms to the chest. Everything breaks down and Kofi hits a flip dive onto Holland, leaving Big E. to miss the apron splash. A jumping knee drops Big E. and we take a break.

Back with McAfee explaining that we may have known Butch by another name but Sheamus and Holland know him as Butch. My goodness it never ceases to amaze me how this company makes things more complicated than they need to be. Kofi kicks Sheamus down and loads up Trouble in Paradise but a Holland distraction breaks it up. SOS gets two instead with Holland making the save. Big E. misses the dive to the floor and Holland suplexes him ONTO HIS HEAD, leaving him down on the floor. Butch offers a distraction and Sheamus Brogue Kicks Kofi for the pin at 9:25.

Rating: C. The match was pretty good but oh my goodness that suplex was terrifying. These injuries keep happening with Holland and it might be time to take another look at him being in this spot. It keeps happening over and over and that is not something that can continue. What matters is him being ok, because that was absolutely terrifying. As for the match itself, it was hard to focus due to the injury and WWE making Pete Dunne an Oliver Twist cosplayer.

We take a long look at Kevin Owens challenging Steve Austin for Wrestlemania and Austin accepting. It is almost strange to see Austin doing a regular look at the camera promo like this.

Sami Zayn is mad about losing his Intercontinental Title and it is made even worse by seeing a clip of Johnny Knoxville having a banner, featuring Sami’s phone number on a banner. That hasn’t sat well with Sami, but he knows he can overcome Ricochet in his rematch for the Intercontinental Title this week.

Drew McIntyre/Viking Raiders vs. Jinder Mahal/Happy Corbin/Madcap Moss

McIntyre comes to the ring but we see the villains jumping the Raiders in the back. McIntyre slowly walks towards the back and here are Mahal and Shanky to go after him, with Moss and Corbin joining in. That is broken up without much trouble, leaving McIntyre to stare Corbin down. Everyone else gets back up and McIntyre gets caught in the ring, with Corbin laughing in his face. McIntyre fights up and clears the ring, making me wonder why in the world I’m supposed to want to see this match at Wrestlemania. No match of course.

We look at Ronda Rousey beating Sonya Deville last week and then making Charlotte tap out to an ankle lock.

Here is Ronda Rousey for a chat. She is ready for one of the biggest matches of her career at Wrestlemania against Charlotte. Rousey isn’t happy with Charlotte saying she is all about the armbar, because it is like saying Mike Tyson is a one trick pony because he just knocked people out. There are thousands of ways to get to an armbar, but she has spent the last few years refining the ankle lock, as taught to her by her first mentor in wrestling, Kurt Angle.

Cue Charlotte to interrupt, saying that Rousey will be in for the biggest fight of her life. Rousey needs to be worrying about winning on the biggest stage, where she won’t be tapping Charlotte out. Rousey: “Like I already did?” Charlotte calls her a one trick pony so Rousey tells her to bring it, and even offers to let her take off the high heels. Instead Charlotte walks away, with Rousey saying Charlotte is either tapping at Wrestlemania or Rousey is taking her arm home. Talking continues to not be Rousey’s strong suit but she was passable enough here.

We look at Brock Lesnar chasing Paul Heyman off earlier today. Lesnar has left too.

Rick Boogs and Shinsuke Nakamura go surfing in their latest Toyota commercial.

Sasha Banks/Naomi vs. Shayna Baszler/Natalya

Carmella and Queen Zelina are watching from ringside as Shayna takes Naomi down by the leg to start. Natalya and Shayna make a wish on Naomi’s legs and Shayna stomps on the ankle. Naomi fights up and makes the tag off to Banks, who comes in with the middle rope Meteora. Banks sends the villains outside and a sliding headscissors sends Natalya into Carmella and Vega’s general direction. Carmella offers a distraction so Zelina can fail at interference, allowing Banks to hit a basement Codebreaker for the pin on Natalya at 3:19.

Rating: C-. I cannot bring myself to care about this title match as it feels like it was thrown together first and then they are trying to make the three teams feel like they matter. They are building up Banks and Naomi after giving them the title shot, much like they are doing with Liv Morgan and Rhea Ripley. It might work if you have strong champions, but that is absolutely not the case with Zelina and Carmella. Baszler continues to be the most “just there” wrestler who could be something more, but that’s WWE for you.

Here are the Usos for a chat. They brag about their 236 day reign as Tag Team Champions, which is almost a year (not exactly) and Roman Reigns’ nearly two year reign as Universal Champion (again, not exactly). Cue Shinsuke Nakamura and Rick Boogs, the latter of whom has a taped up leg and is badly limping. The Usos laugh off the idea of these two wanting a title shot at Wrestlemania, even calling Boogs Peg Leg Pete. They can have the title shot if Boogs can beat Jey right now.

Jey Uso vs. Rick Boogs

Hold on though as Boogs takes off the leg brace and grabs Jey in a vertical suplex, where he kneels down to one knee twice before taking him down. The gorilla press (with eleven reps)….doesn’t do anything as Boogs just drops him down instead of slamming him due to Jimmy’s distraction. Boogs is right back up with the Boogs Cruise for the pin and the title shot at 1:47.

Post match Jimmy breaks the guitar over Boogs’ back to leave him laying.

Intercontinental Title: Sami Zayn vs. Ricochet

Ricochet is defending and hold on a second here as Austin Theory comes out to sit next to Pat McAfee. Before the bell, Theory gets in McAfee’s face and slaps the headset off of his head. McAfee jumps the table, with Cole shouting NOT THIS WAY and DON’T LET HIM GET TO YOU! Some security finally comes out to clear them out, with McAfee leaving commentary. Theory has to be held back and eventually leaves as we’ll have the bell after the break.

We come back with the bell ringing as Cole talks about McAfee going over the line here, because we need a Michael Cole lecture during an Intercontinental Title match. Ricochet snaps off a headscissors to take Sami down but Sami gets in a neck snap across the top rope. Back in and a sitout powerbomb gives Sami two and we hit the chinlock. Ricochet fights up and knees him down before heading up top. That takes too long though and Sami knocks him off the top for a big crash as we take a break.

Back with…actually a look at McAfee vs. Theory, which absolutely needed to be shown full screen during a title match main event. We go back to the actual match with Ricochet reversing a suplex into a hurricanrana for two. The Blue Thunder Bomb gives Sami two and he takes Ricochet up top, only to get punched back down. Sami crotches him on top though and a t-bone superplex sends Ricochet flying. Back up and the Helluva Kick is countered into the Recoil, setting up the 630 to retain the title at 12:46.

Rating: B-. Well thank goodness for that. I was scared that they were going to put the title back on Zayn for the sake of the celebrity match at Wrestlemania, so at least they did something smart for a change. Ricochet has such a track record of inconsistency so it was nice to see them actually letting him stick with it for once. Good match too, which shouldn’t be a surprise.

We cut to the back where Charlotte and Ronda Rousey are fighting next to a car. Security can’t break it up so Charlotte suplexes her onto the car. Charlotte ties up her legs and fishhooks Rousey’s mouth on the hood. One more shot to the face puts Rousey down and she tries to pull herself to her feet to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. There wasn’t much to be seen her in the way of wrestling, which left the show focused on building up stories for Wrestlemania. That makes sense on paper, but then you get to the reality of the matches they have not being very good. Between McAfee and Knoxville being featured players and Lesnar’s big contribution being chasing Heyman out of the arena, this was a show focused on a lot of midcard material. That doesn’t make for a good show and illustrates how much they are focusing on Lesnar vs. Reigns and almost nothing else. They need something else big on Smackdown, and Zayn vs. Knoxville isn’t it.

Results
Sheamus/Ridge Holland b. New Day – Brogue Kick to Kofi Kingston
Sasha Banks/Naomi b. Natalya/Shayna Baszler – Codebreaker to Natalya
Rick Boogs b. Jey Uso – Boogs Cruise
Ricochet b. Sami Zayn – 630

 

 

 

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Smackdown
Date: March 4, 2022
Location: FTX Arena, Miami, Florida
Commentators: Pat McAfee, Michael Cole

We are less than a month away from Wrestlemania and the card is starting to come together. There are still some gaps that need to be filled in but now tonight we might have a better idea of how some of the title scene will look. This week features two title matches which could see some shakeups. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Paul Heyman talks about being the advocate for Roman Reigns, who will be here tonight.

Ronda Rousey is ready for her first Smackdown match.

Sonya Deville is ready to teach Rousey about authority.

The Viking Raiders are ready to hunt the Usos, rip them apart, and take the Tag Team Titles.

The Usos say the Vikings are fat.

Ricochet says he’s taking the Intercontinental Title from Sami Zayn.

Sami Zayn lists off his monikers and says after tonight, people will be talking about him being the best Intercontinental Champion.

Intercontinental Title: Ricochet vs. Sami Zayn

Ricochet is challenging and grabs a very fast rollup for two to start. Sami hits a running clothesline to slow him down and then suplexes Ricochet down on the apron as we take a break. Back with Ricochet snapping off a middle rope hurricanrana for two but Sami grabs a sitout powerbomb (with Ricochet landing hard) for two. Ricochet sends him outside and hits a handspring moonsault to take Sami down again.

Back in and Ricochet gets crotched on top, sending him outside in a crash. Cue Johnny Knoxville because of course here he is again, with Sami being distracted by the INTERCONTINENTAL CHUMP shirt. It’s enough of a distraction that Ricochet can grab a standing hurricanrana for the pin and the title at 7:35.

Rating: C+. Well ok then. I would not have have bet on that one but they had a surprise here with the title change. That is the kind of thing that they have been needing to do for Ricochet for a long time and if it means he gets a Wrestlemania title defense out of it, good for him. I know Knoxville vs. Zayn is coming, probably at Wrestlemania, but you can do that without the title just as well. I was surprised in a good way here so well done.

We look at Vince McMahon on the Pat McAfee Show, where he announced that he will be inducting the Undertaker into the Hall of Fame. He also offered McAfee a Wrestlemania match, which McAfee accepted.

Sami Zayn is losing his mind over Johnny Knoxville following him everywhere from Smackdown to social media. How about Knoxville follows him to Wrestlemania?

Cole asks McAfee who he will be facing at Wrestlemania but here is Austin Theory to interrupt. Theory introduces himself to the crowd and asks McAfee why Mr. McMahon was on his show. He finds it funny that McAfee thinks McMahon likes him (which makes McAfee laugh). Will McAfee be so happy when his jaw is wired shut?

Theory gets in his face and then slaps him, with Theory saying they’re facing off at Wrestlemania. Theory leaves and McAfee stands on the announcers’ table, telling him to come back here. With Theory gone, McAfee goes on a rant about how he was embarrassed in front of Miami and blames Michael Cole for what happened.

Naomi vs. Carmella

Sasha Banks and Queen Zelina are here too. Carmella gets her mask put on but Naomi wastes no time in kicking her in the face. Carmella is still fine enough to pull her off the top and into a chinlock, which Naomi breaks up in a hurry. Banks cuts off Zelina’s interference and it’s the split legged moonsault to give Naomi the pin at 2:07.

Happy Corbin beats Madcap Moss and some others at poker while bragging about his Wrestlemania success. That will keep going at Wrestlemania, when he beats Drew McIntyre. Moss gives us a McIntyre impression with his usual level of humor.

Rick Boogs and Shinsuke Nakamura have another Toyota Tundra commercial, this time hiking through the woods.

Drew McIntyre vs. Jinder Mahal

Shanky is here with Mahal. McIntyre gets knocked down for an early neck crank as McAfee continues to go after Cole for possibly having something to do with Theory earlier. That’s broken up and McIntyre starts hammering away until a Shanky distraction cuts him off. McIntyre takes care of him, setting up the Glasgow Kiss into the Claymore to finish Mahal at 2:04.

Post match McIntyre says he doesn’t care what Madcap Moss and Happy Corbin do. McIntyre asks for a show of hands of how many people want to gouge their eyes out when Corbin is on TV. The fans go up, including Kayla Braxton’s. McIntyre is taking Corbin out at Wrestlemania.

Back at the poker game, Corbin doesn’t like Moss’ jokes.

McAfee is very happy that Ronda Rousey is wrestling tonight.

We look back at last week’s contract signing between Roman Reigns and Brock Lesnar.

Rick Boogs and Shinsuke Nakamura are coming to the ring but the Usos jump them from behind and lay them out. Cue Roman Reigns and Paul Heyman so the Bloodline can go to the ring for a chat. Miami seems very happy to see and acknowledge Reigns, who talks about how he and Brock Lesnar are defending their titles at Madison Square Garden. You already know he is going to smash someone and send them to the back of the line like he has done for a year and a half.

Then you have Lesnar, and not all of us want to see him with that title, or even at Wrestlemania. Reigns wants him to be champion at Wrestlemania though, because he wants Lesnar to hand over the title. Heyman talks about spoilers, so maybe we should give Miami a spoiler. Reigns calls his shot like Babe Ruth and he delivers every single time. The spoiler is that at Wrestlemania, he is pinning Brock Lesnar and Lesnar will acknowledge him. Reigns seemed to snap a bit with that one and Cole thinks Lesnar is in his head.

Tag Team Titles: Usos vs. Viking Raiders

The Raiders are challenging and the Usos are sent outside to start. Ivar dives off the apron to take both of them down, setting up the top rope splash for two on Jimmy in a very near fall. Jey breaks up the Viking Experience and the champs drop the Vikings out to the floor. Ivar gets posted and Erik gets tossed down hard as we take a break. Back with Jimmy’s Superfly Splash hitting Erik’s raised knees and the Viking Experience connects, with Jey making another save. Some superkicks get two on Erik but he reverses into a cradle for the same. The 1D connects to retain the Usos’ titles at 8:20.

Rating: B-. This was almost all action but what mattered the most was I bought into the near falls. There were multiple times where I thought the titles were going to change hands and that is proof they are doing something right. I’m going to assume that Rick Boogs and Shinsuke Nakamura are up next for the Usos and that could make for an interesting match, especially since it isn’t like there are any other fresh challengers for the titles.

Earlier today, New Day rode around backstage on Big E.’s ATV.

Sheamus vs. Big E.

Ridge Holland and Kofi Kingston are here too, with Kofi getting on the ATV before the bell. Holland chairs him from behind and then chairs the ATV. Sheamus chop blocks Big E. and he and Holland steal the ATV. No match.

During the break, Sheamus and Holland destroyed the ATV.

We look back at Ricochet winning the Intercontinental Title.

Johnny Knoxville accepts Sami Zayn’s Wrestlemania challenge.

Happy Corbin and Madcap Moss are playing darts when Drew McIntyre stabs the board with his sword to run them off.

We look back at Ronda Rousey’s interview last week, with Charlotte and Sonya Deville interrupting to take her out.

Ronda Rousey vs. Sonya Deville

Charlotte comes out to watch and the distraction lets Deville go after Rousey’s bad knee. The chinlock goes on as Charlotte sits in on commentary. Rousey fights up and chokes away in the ropes, setting up Piper’s Pit. The armbar finishes Deville at 3:12.

Rating: C-. That’s all it needed to be with Rousey shrugging off whatever Deville had and then beating her with the armbar as expected. Rousey needed to look dominant like this as she should be ready for Wrestlemania and the showdown with Charlotte. The good thing is that someone like Rousey doesn’t need much reheating and she is all but ready for the title match from here.

Post match Rousey calls Charlotte into the ring and actually gets what she wants, setting up an ankle lock (playing off Charlotte talking about Rousey being a one trick pony with the armbar) to make Charlotte tap to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. This is a show that is going to get some mixed reviews because there wasn’t much in the way of wrestling, but they did take some steps towards Wrestlemania. Two more matches have been set and that is something that WWE has been needing to do for several weeks now. The Tag Team Title match was good and I liked the title change so the show did cover some important points outside of just Wrestlemania. Pretty good show, as it did some things that needed to be done.

Results
Ricochet b. Sami Zayn – Hurricanrana
Naomi b. Carmella – Split legged moonsault
Drew McIntyre b. Jinder Mahal – Claymore
Usos b. Viking Raiders – 1D to Erik
Ronda Rousey b. Sonya Deville – Armbar

 

 

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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Smackdown
Date: February 25, 2022
Location: Giant Center, Hershey, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Michael Cole, Pat McAfee

Elimination Chamber is out of the way and that means it is time to start getting ready for Wrestlemania. In a normal year, most of Wrestlemania would already be set but WWE doesn’t operate that way, meaning they have about five weeks to get things ready. Hopefully they can start here so let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a recap of Brock Lesnar vs. Roman Reigns so far this year, which has involved a lot of backstabbing and Lesnar World Title wins. As expected, all roads lead to the title vs. title showdown at Wrestlemania. The match is now officially a unification match.

Michael Cole is in the ring to introduce Ronda Rousey for a chat. Rousey talks about how she broke her hand in the main event of Wrestlemania.

Then she broke her other hand while she was rehabbing and then she got pregnant with her daughter. She wanted to come back because of her mother, who won the world championships in judo while she was a single mom and working towards her engineering degree. Cole lists off some of Rousey’s accomplishments but she would rather look forward to being the first woman in a long time to make Charlotte submit.

We see some stills of Charlotte attacking Rousey at Elimination Chamber and here is Charlotte to interrupt. She promises to make Rousey tap to the Figure Eight at Wrestlemania, meaning Rousey can go home and work on her second baby. Cue Sonya Deville to chop block Rousey from behind and the beatdown is on with the knee getting wrecked even more. Charlotte wraps it around the post a few times but Rousey still takes out Deville.

Post break, Adam Pearce makes Sonya Deville vs. Ronda Rousey for next week, with Deville not looking thrilled.

Los Lotharios vs. New Day

The rubber match and New Day comes to the ring riding an ATV, which is Kofi’s birthday gift to Big E. Kofi takes Humberto into the corner to start and it’s Big E. coming in for a running shoulder in the corner. The spanking abdominal stretch goes on before it’s Kofi jumping over Big E. for a backsplash on Humberto. Angel gets in a cheap shot though and it’s a double ram into the apron. Angel TAKES OFF HIS PANTS and we take a break.

Back with Humberto grabbing a chinlock on Kofi as Cole hypes up Los Lotharios as a huge deal. Los Lotharios do the old Rockers double leg roll but Kofi kicks Angel down anyway for a needed breather. The hot tag brings in Big E. to clean house but Angel saves Humberto from a Big Ending. The Rock Bottom out of the corner plants Angel and a wheelbarrow lift into a top rope bulldog (now the Midnight Hour) gets two with Humberto making the save.

Kofi is sent outside for a hard dive from Angel, who goes over to the ATV. Big E. isn’t having that and runs over Humberto, leaving Angel to superkick Kofi out of the air back inside. Angel goes up top…so Big E. threatens to run Humberto over with the ATV. That’s enough of a distraction for Kofi to knee Angel in the face, setting up the Midnight Hour (the traditional version) for the pin at 10:27. McAfee: “That was special.” It was good, but special?

Rating: B-. I know WWE wants this to be some big, epic feud but instead we have seen three matches between an all time team and a pretty good team. I need a bit more than that to get to some amazing level though and attempted vehicular assault didn’t exactly help things. Good TV match however and that’s always a positive.

Rick Boogs and Shinsuke Nakamura are on the road in a new Toyota Tundra truck. They go kayaking and have some more plans that we’ll see later. Good thing Nakamura is over losing his Intercontinental Title to make the commercial.

Sheamus and Ridge Holland cut off New Day on the ATV and a challenge seems to be made. New Day rides off and Sheamus is so mad that he throws his hat down.

Sam Roberts is here to interview the Usos, who are here for the Roman Reigns vs. Brock Lesnar Wrestlemania contract signing. Reigns is going to take out Lesnar like they’re going to take out the Viking Raiders. The Raiders are said to smell bad, so here they are to jump the Usos.

We look at Xia Li saving Aliyah from a Natalya beatdown.

Xia Li is ready for her debut and has worked a long way to get here.

Xia Li vs. Natalya

Li flips over her to start and a dropkick gets an early two. Back up and Natalya’s discus clothesline gets one on Li and we hit the abdominal stretch with the leg lifted up. The fans start chanting for HERSHEY CHOCOLATE, which McAfee translates as XIA LI’S GOT IT as Li makes her comeback. Li sends her flying with a suplex and hits a spinwheel kick to finish Natalya at 4:01.

Rating: C-. You know, you bring in a woman as a striking machine who protects people and want her to get over. Maybe having her sell Natalya’s abdominal stretch in her debut isn’t the best way to go. The fans didn’t seem interested, and I can’t say I blame them. Li ran in to save Aliyah last week and then can’t even kick someone’s head off to win in ten seconds? Really?

We look back at Sami Zayn beating Shinsuke Nakamura to win the Intercontinental Title last week.

Here is a VERY happy Sami Zayn in his loud (and golden) tuxedo to say we he has FINALLY gotten his justice. The Intercontinental Title is laying on a table and there are balloons on the corners, even if they don’t match. The old Sami would say it’s just a conspiracy though and now there is a question to answer: if he was able to get the title back, was there ever a conspiracy against him in the first place? OF COURSE THERE WAS!

But that’s in the past, so now he’s willing to give Shinsuke Nakamura a rematch, but Nakamura is still putting his kneecap back together so he needs a new opponent. Cue Johnny Knoxville, because of course it’s him. Knoxville says he heard Sami say he needed a new challenger and since Sami interrupted his premiere, Knoxville is here to crash his. Sami says it isn’t going to work but Knoxville questions his testicular fortitude. That’s enough for Sami, who beats Knoxville up and hits a pair of Helluva Kicks.

This week’s Black History Month video looks at Titus O’Neil’s awesome charity work.

Adam Pearce is yelling at Sami Zayn in the back about what he did to Johnny Knoxville. Ricochet pops in to say if Sami wants to be a fighting champion, Ricochet is right here. Pearce makes the title match for next week.

Sasha Banks vs. Shotzi

Naomi joins commentary as Sasha starts fast with Two Amigos. Shotzi blocks the third but gets rolled up for two. Sasha sends her face first into the middle buckle and it’s a middle rope Meteora to drop Shotzi again. A running basement Codebreaker (that’s a new one) sets up the Bank Statement to complete the squash at 2:11.

Post match Naomi comes in to say she and Banks are going to be the next Women’s Tag Team Champions.

We go to the back, where the interviewer says she doesn’t know what Naomi means by that. Madcap Moss and Happy Corbin come in, with Corbin mocking Moss for his big crash landing at Elimination Chamber. Tonight Corbin is going to take Moss’ place against Drew McIntyre and that is no joke.

Drew McIntyre vs. Happy Corbin

Hold on though as Corbin grabs the mic and says this is a Wrestlemania match. Corbin praises Madcap Moss’ toughness after being healthy despite landing so badly at Elimination Chamber. Moss gets on the apron to pose but then Corbin tells him to take this match instead. Corbin and Moss jump McIntyre before the bell and we’re ready to go anyway.

Drew McIntyre vs. Madcap Moss

Moss jumps him in the corner but gets Glasgow Kissed out of the corner. The reverse Alabama Slam is loaded up but Moss bails to the floor instead as we take a break. Back with Moss hitting a running shoulder for two but McIntyre is right back up with the snap belly to belly. The Claymore is loaded up so Corbin offers a distraction, allowing Moss to send McIntyre into the post. A DDT gets two but McIntyre pops back up to hit the Claymore for the pin at 7:21.

Rating: C-. Most years I get excited about Wrestlemania because it is the biggest wrestling event of the year and it feels special. This year I’m excited about Wrestlemania because, at least hopefully, it means that McIntyre vs. Corbin/Moss can be over already. I’m not sure who thought this feud needed to go on for three months, but WWE has some weird ideas.

We look back at Rousey getting attacked earlier tonight.

Rousey promises to take out Sonya Deville next week.

It’s time for the Roman Reigns vs. Brock Lesnar contract signing, with the Usos and Paul Heyman here with Reigns. Before Lesnar shows up, Heyman talks about how this will be the biggest Wrestlemania match in history. It’s bigger than Hulk Hogan vs. Andre the Giant and bigger than Steve Austin vs. the Rock. It’s even bigger than Heyman breaking the Undertaker’s Streak, though he’ll still give Lesnar half credit.

Heyman talks about how Reigns is going to become the unified champion at Wrestlemania and that is what we call a cliffhanger. After a sudden break (nice one from Heyman), here is Lesnar to join things. Lesnar handles his own introductions and says that he isn’t scared of the security that is in the ring. The only things stopping Lesnar from jumping the table right now is this contract.

Lesnar signs, so Heyman says the match isn’t going to be a unification match. Heyman promises that Lesnar is going to lose the title in Madison Square Garden next Saturday. Reigns signs too and then says that the WWE Title is his too. It’s not even Lesnar’s fault because this is Reigns’ show and ring. It’s his camerman and his people because they acknowledge him. These commentators are his because they praise him. Everyone works for him, including the security. The fight is on with Lesnar wrecking the guard, including throwing a char at one of them. Reigns looks nervous to end the show.

Reigns starting to get worried about what he is facing at Wrestlemania is a good adjustment but dang it’s hard to care about this match again. I know it’s the best way to go and pretty much the only thing that they have for Reigns, but how many times do we need to see these two fight?

Overall Rating: C-. The biggest problem with this show is that it is building towards a Wrestlemania that does not look great. So far, with about five weeks to go, we have four matches set up, one of which involves Logan Paul and another which is likely to involve Johnny Knoxville. Reigns vs. Lesnar looms over everything else and it makes this rapid fire build feel so unimportant. This week’s show was another pretty run of the mill edition, with wrestling that wasn’t all that great and some stuff being built to Wrestlemania, but egads they don’t have much interesting going on at the moment and it is hurting badly.

Results
New Day b. Los Lotharios – Midnight Hour to Angel
Xia Li b. Natalya – Spinwheel kick
Sasha Banks b. Shotzi – Bank Statement
Drew McIntyre b. Madcap Moss – Claymore

 

 

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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Royal Rumble 2022
Date: January 29, 2022
Location: The Dome At America’s Center, St. Louis, Missouri
Attendance: 44,390
Commentators: Jimmy Smith, Corey Graves, Byron Saxton, Michael Cole, Pat McAfee

We are officially kicking off the Road to WrestleMania XXXVIII and that means things should be starting big here. First up we have the Royal Rumbles themselves, plus what should be a pair of awesome World Title matches as Brock Lesnar defends against Bobby Lashley and Seth Rollins challenges Roman Reigns. Let’s get to it.

Note that I was in the stadium for this, sitting in the upper deck with the Titantron on my right.

No Kickoff Show matches this year, which was a bit weird.

The opening video looks at the start of the Road To Wrestlemania, with a look at just about everything on tonight’s card. Cool, even if it isn’t breaking new ground.

Smackdown World Title: Roman Reigns vs. Seth Rollins

Rollins is challenging and comes out to the Shield theme, including in the Shield gear. He even flips over the apron as McAfee talks about how these two plus Mox ran roughshod on the wrestling world. This plays into the feud so well and it makes things that much more personal. Rollins starts sticking and moving early on and ducks a clothesline in the corner. The Sling Blade drops Reigns and Rollins hits back to back dives on the floor.

Back in and the springboard knee to the face is uppercutted out of the air to give Reigns a breather. There’s the apron boot to the face but Rollins catches the dive off the steps. A powerbomb puts Reigns through the announcers’ table and a frog splash gets two. The Phoenix splash misses but Rollins is right back with the Buckle Bomb. The Stomp gets two and Rollins can’t believe the kickout, allowing Reigns to comeback with a clothesline.

There’s a powerbomb for two on Rollins, who starts to laugh. Said laughter earns him some heavy shots to the head but he pulls Rollins into a triangle choke. Reigns doesn’t care for that and powerbombs his way to freedom before sending Rollins shoulder first into the post. They head outside with Reigns sending him into various objects. Back in and the Superman Punch gives Reigns two so Rollins rolls outside for a needed breather.

That’s fine with Reigns, who hits a spear, only to have another countered into a Pedigree back inside (how Rollins beat Reigns at Money in the Bank 2016) for two. Rollins takes too long with the BURN IT DOWN stomps and gets caught with another spear. Before Reigns can cover though, Rollins keeps laughing and holds out the Shield fist. Instead of falling for it, Reigns grabs a guillotine but Rollins makes the rope (with the referee picking it up and dropping it onto the rope). Reigns doesn’t let go though and that’s a DQ at 14:35.

Rating: B-. This was starting to roll at the end and then they went with the ending designed to set up a rematch rather than give us a winner. This is a match you could run back a few times based on their history alone but instead we get the screwy way out. They seem to be going with some weird Batman vs. Joker story, albeit with Rollins as a heroic Joker, and that is oddly intriguing. Unfortunately that isn’t enough to make up for a bad ending though and it brought things down.

Post match Reigns grabs a chair and destroys Rollins, ala how Rollins turned on him to break up the Shield years ago. That’s some good…symbolism I believe?

Women’s Royal Rumble

90 second intervals and Sasha banks is in at #1 (second time in five years and in Sailor Moon inspired gear.) and Melina is in at #2. The splits entrants gets a big ovation and they pose at each other to start. That’s enough for Banks, who dumps her out and poses again. Tamina is in at #3 and you can feel the silence. Banks jumps her on the floor to start but can’t get her over so soon. Some running knees in the corner rock Tamina instead and it’s Kelly Kelly in at #4. Kelly and Banks team up on Tamina but Kelly tries Figure Four necklock over the ropes.

That means an easy elimination to get rid of Kelly and it’s Aliyah taking her place at #5. Some teased eliminations don’t go anywhere and it’s Liv Morgan in at #6. The modified Backstabber has Banks in trouble and it’s Liv cleaning house, as the camera cuts go INSANE, to the point where I can’t even see everyone in the ring.

Queen Zelina is in at #7 as Tamina puts Banks on the apron. Tamina gets the elimination and the fans are not pleased, mainly because that leaves Liv Morgan as the biggest name in the match. Bianca Belair is in at #8 and the fans seem rather pleased as she goes after Tamina. Zelina gets suplexed and splashed but Tamina saves the elimination due to reasons of not thinking things through.

Dana Brooke, with Reggie, is in at #9 and gets to clean house but Tamina and Zelina double team her down. Michelle McCool is in at #10, giving us Tamina, Aliyah, Morgan, Zelina, Belair, Brooke and McCool. House is cleaned, including McCool’s Faithbreaker (Styles Clash) to Zelina. Brooke gets tossed by McCool and it’s Sonya Deville in at #11. Well not quite in as she joins commentary instead of heading inside. Sonya explains that the jacket staying on means she isn’t competing yet, because that is somehow literally the rule now.

Natalya is in at #12 as we continue the brawling on the ropes. Tamina is tossed but Belair saves herself as Cameron (to Somebody Call My Mama) in at #13. A reminder of Cameron’s history with Naomi is enough to get Sonya inside to eliminate Cameron. Oh no. Whatever would we do without Cameron? Naomi is in at #14 and the fight is on, with Naomi hitting the springboard kick to the face. Sonya is out in a hurry and it’s Carmella in at #15. Hold on though as she needs to put on her mask, meaning everyone else can brawl on the ropes (again).

Rhea Ripley is in at #16 and that should mean some eliminations. Instead of getting in immediately, she throws Carmella inside so she can toss Vega and Carmella at the same time. Ripley cleans house until Charlotte is in at #17 (this can’t be good for Rhea). Natalya gets triple teamed as Charlotte tosses Aliyah. Naomi is sent over the top but lands on her hands….so Sonya pops up to pull her out.

It’s Ivory in at #18 (that woman does not age) and she has a mic, saying that nothing has changed. She sees a lot of wayward, lost little girls, but she wants to see….and then Ripley picks her up. Ivory doesn’t stop talking (about Facebook followers) as Ripley puts her on the apron and then knocks her out. Funny gag and better than anything else in the match so far.

Brie Bella is in at #19 and the place goes coconuts. Graves: “One half of the Bella Reality Empire.” Natalya has to save herself from Brie, who has to kick her way to freedom as well. Mickie James, the Impact Women’s (yes Women’s) Champion is in at #20 and the camera cuts makes it a little difficult to see the title. That gives us Morgan, Belair, McCool, Natalya, Ripley, Charlotte, Brie Bella and James. Some kicks rock a few people and Mickie gets to nip up.

Mickie hurricanranas Michelle out and it’s Alicia Fox (thankfully with the dark hair instead of the blonde) in at #21. Brawling ensues and it’s Nikki Ash in at #22. Ripley waits at the ropes but Nikki comes through the crowd (because she knew that A, Rhea would be in at this point and B, knew that she would be looking at the entrance) to jump Rhea from behind. That’s not enough for an elimination though and Ripley gets to chop Charlotte. Summer Rae (with the CRAZY catchy Call To Me theme) is in at #23, hits a few kicks and then gets tossed by Natalya.

Nikki Bella is in at #24 (to a bit of a weaker reaction than Brie received) and gets to to clean house, including getting rid of Fox. Sarah Logan, in a kind of caveman style look, is in at #25. The Bellas get jumped and we get a quick Riott Squad reunion, only to have the Bellas toss both of them (and do the L on the head taunt because it’s 1992). Lita is in at #26 to give us a big dose of star power and gets to clean house. Mickie gets tossed over the top and a hanging DDT gives Lita the elimination.

We get the Lita vs. Charlotte showdown until Mighty Molly is in at #27. Nikki jumps her in the aisle though and throws Molly inside, where the cape is ripped off. That’s enough for Nikki to toss Molly out….and Ronda Rousey returns at #28 (for some reason, commentary gave Sarah Logan a MUCH stronger shocked reaction). Rousey gets rid of Ash and tries to knock out Nikki, only to have Brie knock Nikki out instead.

Brie gets beaten up in the corner and it’s Shotzi in at #29. Rousey dumps Brie and moves on to Ripley (that could be interesting) but switches to Belair. Shayna Baszler (perhaps with new music) is in at #30, giving us a final grouping of Belair, Natalya, Ripley, Charlotte, Lita, Rousey, Shotzi and Baszler. Rousey smiles at the sight of Baszler, who suplexes Lita and kicks Natalya.

We get the Rousey vs. Baszler showdown but Charlotte breaks that up. Rousey dumps Shotzi and Belair gets rid of Natalya…who gets back in, only to be dumped by Rousey as well. Ok then. The Twist of Fate hits Charlotte and there’s the middle rope hurricanrana to Ripley. The moonsault is loaded up but Charlotte kicks Lita out instead. Ripley has to get out of a triangle choke over the ropes by shoving Rousey into the post….and Charlotte kicks Rhea out (BECAUSE OF COURSE CHARLOTTE BEATS RIPLEY AGAIN!).

That gets us down to four with Charlotte getting kicked down. Belair flips out of Baszler’s Kirifuda Clutch but the threat of the KOD is broken up, allowing Charlotte to dump Belair and Baszler at the same time. That leaves us with Rousey vs. Charlotte and the big staredown is on. Charlotte charges with a running boot and gets tossed to give Rousey the win at 59:38 (the one on one stuff wasn’t even a minute long).

Rating: C-. And that is almost all because the last few minutes picked up. This was a perfect illustration of how shallow the women’s division is because WWE focuses on the same people over and over again. Counting everyone up, you had FIFTEEN WOMEN who were making some sort of return here, including several who weren’t exactly huge stars that I was wanting to see back in the first place.

For instance, Cameron was here. As in the Cameron who is best known for that time when she didn’t know how a cover worked. She was nothing more than a joke back in the day and now she gets a Rumble spot for the sake of advancing Naomi vs. Sonya? Was anyone wanting to see Sarah Logan and Summer Rae return for their combined minute and a half? Or Ivory and Molly Holly getting in their 45 seconds total? Of those fifteen returning legends/surprises, seven of them didn’t even last 75 seconds. If that’s the best you can do with them, what’s the point?

That leaves you with fifteen active names (including one of the Women’s Champions) and egads some of them were rough. There is no depth in the women’s division right now and I wouldn’t want to watch most of these women again, at least based on how they were presented here.

As has been the case for WAY too long in the women’s division, WWE cares about its top stars (save for Sasha Banks, who was a total nothing afterthought here for some reason) and no one else. Charlotte, Rousey and arguably Belair were presented as important here. Who else in the division gets treated like a big deal? Becky Lynch and…..is there anyone else? The talent is absolutely there and available, but if WWE is going to have a handful of people at the top, there is no need to have this match. At the very, very least, find a better lineup of people to come back as surprises, because this was really tough to watch.

A lot of sign pointing and pyro (remember that, because it becomes important later) ensue.

Titus O’Neil, who might be the greatest person in WWE history, did a bunch of charity work this week.

Raw Women’s Title: Doudrop vs. Becky Lynch

Lynch is defending and the idea is that Doudrop is a different kind of challenger. Doudrop powers her into the corner to start and a shoulder takes Lynch down again. The threat of the basement crossbody sends Lynch bailing outside for a breather, only to have Doudrop nail a headbutt back inside. A backsplash hits Becky’s spine but the Cannonball only hits stairs, allowing Becky to stomp away.

The chinlock doesn’t last long so Becky switches to a sleeper….as the fans are chanting about a fire. Yeah remember that pyro during Rousey’s celebration? Well it wound up causing the Wrestlemania sign to CATCH ON FIRE, with pieces of melted plastic falling down. The fans in the section were evacuated and the sign was lowered, because WWE has somehow managed to start a small fire from how much they put into pyro (though they couldn’t TURN DOWN THE SPOTLIGHTS that were shining into the fans’ eyes all night long, making most of the show half viewable).

Anyway, Doudrop powers out of a sleeper but misses a charge into the post. Becky’s missile dropkick gets one and she starts shouting about being straight fire. Doudrop runs her over and hits the full backsplash, only to have Becky come back with the Disarm-Her. That’s switched into a cross armbreaker but Doudrop powerbombs her way to freedom.

Now the Cannonball can connect in the corner but the Vader Bomb hits raised knees. Lynch busts out a Molly Go Round of all things for two so she hammers away at the head. Doudrop scores with some headbutts but gets draped over the top for Becky’s top rope Fameasser. Something like a Big Ending gives Doudrop two but the Vader Bomb is countered into a super Manhandle Slam to retain the title at 13:18.

Rating: C-. This is a good example of a match where there was no drama and it felt like we were sitting around waiting on the inevitable finish. Lynch isn’t going to lose to Doudrop, either now or with WrestleMania so soon. Doudrop was the victim of the month for Lynch and that is where things started to fall apart. The match wasn’t a bad one and Doudrop did her monster stuff well, but this was a bunch of sitting around waiting for Becky to beat her.

Tonight’s attendance: 44,390. It’s not a record or anything, but at least we stopped the show so WWE can pat itself on the back. Again.

We recap Bobby Lashley vs. Brock Lesnar, featuring the forged in fire video from a few weeks ago. This is great stuff, as it shows how similar their paths were on their way to this showdown. The video made me want to see the two of them fight and it warmed me up again here.

Raw World Title: Brock Lesnar vs. Bobby Lashley

Lesnar, with Paul Heyman, is defending while Lashley has MVP to even things out. They fight over a lockup to start and neither can shove the other away. Lesnar snaps off a German suplex and smiles but Lashley is right back up. Lashley hits a BIG German suplex of his own, sending Brock into the corner for some nodding and a big eyed “OK!”.

Back to back German suplexes rock Lashley but he’s right back on his feet again. Some right hands rock Lesnar and a pair of spears send Lesnar outside. Another spear only hits the barricade though, sending Lashley into the timekeeper’s area and allowing Lesnar to point at his intelligent head. Back in and Lashley misses a charge into the corner so Lesnar hits another German suplex. Lesnar does it a few more times and even keeps his own count.

The F5 is countered though and Lashley grabs the Hurt Lock out of nowhere. Lesnar can’t power out but he can drive Lashley into the corner, crushing the referee in the process. Lashley goes for it again but this time Lesnar reverses into the F5. There’s no count though…and here is Roman Reigns to spear Lesnar in half. Reigns stares down at Heyman, who hands over the WWE Title. A big belt shot knocks Lesnar silly and another referee comes out to count the pin, giving Lashley the title back at 10:17.

Rating: B-. I liked this one more the first time, as the rewatch just showed you how much of it was spent on German suplexes. That’s Lesnar’s favorite way to go and it doesn’t often make for the most exciting matches. There were good parts to this and Lashley looked like he had a real chance, but ultimately this was about Lesnar vs. Reigns and that’s where the main event scene is becoming a big problem. Lashley just won the WWE Title and is a total afterthought, which should never be the case.

Heyman leaves with Reigns in case it wasn’t clear.

We look at Ronda Rousey returning and winning the women’s Royal Rumble.

We recap Miz/Maryse vs. Edge/Beth Phoenix. They are two of the most powerful married wrestling couples and Edge already beat Miz earlier this month. Then Maryse went a bit nuts by hitting Phoenix in the head with a brick, meaning it’s time for the big mixed tag. Yeah it isn’t the most thrilling story but it’s the logical way to go.

Edge/Beth Phoenix vs. Miz/Maryse

The double entrances are quite good, including Edge and Beth high fiving each other as they pass on the stage. Beth chases Maryse outside to start and Miz has to make a save, accidentally pulling Maryse outside. Back in and the guys come in to slug it out, only to have Maryse offer a distraction so Miz can take over. The YES Kicks rock Edge but he counters the big one into a rollup. Maryse gets in a slap, sending Beth outside to chase her off with a chair. Edge gets in a quick shot, allowing Beth to start stomping the steps to fire him up.

The tag brings in Beth for a spinning side slam to rock Maryse again. Miz comes in for the save and gets in a staredown with Beth, who is driven into the corner for the right hands to the head. That is completely realistic in this case and the spot works as a result. Maryse makes a save with the loaded purse though and it’s time to stomp away. The signature pose sets up Maryse’s reverse chinlock but Beth powers up for a double clothesline. That’s enough for Edge to start stomping like Beth did earlier in a nice touch.

The hot tag brings in Edge to clean house, including an Edge-O-Matic and a top rope elbow (that’s a new one for him) but Edge misses a spear into the corner. Maryse hits a top rope hurricanrana (not exactly a signature for her and Lita’s was cooler, but that was a big one from Maryse) and the Skull Crushing Finale gets two. Beth is back in and it’s a double spear to Miz, setting up the stereo Glam Slams for the double pin at 12:30.

Rating: C. This felt like a big Raw main event and nowhere near a match that belonged in the same feud Edge and Miz started. Edge vs. Miz was fine, but Maryse couldn’t be presented as a real threat to Beth. That doesn’t make it much better when Miz is barely seen as a threat to Edge, making this a match that felt like it had another pretty clear ending from the get go. It was fun live, but watching it back just made it feel like Edge and Beth were doing some weird couples workout.

Video on Sasha Banks, which might be a better choice if she hadn’t been an afterthought in the Royal Rumble. This is one of those Peacock filler videos.

As the Banks video was airing in the arena, Edge and Beth Phoenix went over to their daughters in the front row and took them up to the stage, where one of them did Edge’s pose with him. It was one of the better parts all night and very sweet.

We get a video on a Medal of Honor winner, who was injured in Afghanistan and saved several lives. Four soldiers were killed that day though and now he wears a bracelet on his wrist in their memory.

The soldier, Captain Flo Groberg, is here, as part of a partnership between the Medal of Honor foundation and WWE. Cool.

Men’s Royal Rumble

90 second intervals and the Wrestlemania sign is back up. AJ Styles is in at #1 and Shinsuke Nakamura is in at #2, meaning the star power is out in force to get things going. Nakamura strikes away to start but Styles is back with the sliding forearm. Austin Theory is in at #3 and this could get interesting. Theory breaks up the fight and tries to toss Nakamura but has to punch Styles instead.

Robert Roode is in at #4 and takes Nakamura down with a spinebuster, setting up a showdown with Styles. McAfee refers to this as a massive impact and AJ forearms Roode out for the first elimination. Nakamura runs Theory over as Ridge Holland is in at #5. Styles tosses Nakamura and the clock picks up quite a bit as Montez Ford is in at #6.

Holland plants Styles with a slam and then a backdrop as Damian Priest is in at #7. Some near eliminations ensue until Sami Zayn is in at #8 as the intervals is nowhere near ninety seconds. No one is eliminated again so here is Johnny Knoxville in at #9. He actually takes Sami down and hammers away but Styles drops Knoxville with a forearm. Ford hits a splash and Sami Helluva Kicks Knoxville out. It was short, it didn’t hut anything and it was a celebrity appearances. Not my kind of deal, but it wasn’t a problem in the match.

Sami is rather pleased but gets tossed out as well, with Angelo Dawkins in at #10 to replace him. That gives us Styles, Theory, Holland, Ford, Priest and Dawkins. With nothing happening, Omos is in at #11 and gets rid of Ford and Dawkins with back to back eliminations. Styles is sent back first into the post and it’s Ricochet in at #12 with a missile dropkick on Omos. That doesn’t work out so well so Ricochet strikes away, earning himself a big chop.

Chad Gable is in at #13 and rallies the troops, which results in…Priest going after Omos on his own. That means Priest is out so everyone goes after Omos together. This includes Dominik Mysterio coming in at #14 and helping eliminate Omos (though a charging shoulder from AJ helped a bit more). Happy Corbin is in at #15 (the clock might be going even faster) and tosses Ricochet, because that is what Ricochet is doing in WWE. Dolph Ziggler is in at #16 as the ring is filling up again. Deep Six hits Dominik and Corbin throws him out, just as Styles does to Theory (minus the Deep Six).

Sheamus is in at #17 and gets a quick pep talk from Holland, who is tossed during Sheamus’ entrance. Sheamus beats on various people and it’s Rick Boogs in at #18, with McAfee being surprised that he has his own music. Boogs powers Gable around and gorilla presses (with one arm) him out. Madcap Moss is in at #19 as Boogs gorilla presses Ziggler, who manages to save himself. Styles misses the Phenomenal Forearm on Moss and gets caught in Corbin’s chokebreaker.

That’s enough for Moss to toss AJ in quite the surprise as Riddle is in at #20. That gives us Corbin, Ziggler, Sheamus, Boogs, Moss and Riddle, as the first fourteen entrants are already out. After kicking off the flip flops, Riddle suplexes Boogs, who is tossed out by Corbin and Moss without much trouble.

It’s Drew McIntyre in at #21 (which actually surprised me) and that means the big staredown with Corbin and Moss (who put him on the shelf). McIntyre doesn’t waste time in tossing both of them, but he isn’t done. Instead, McIntyre grabs the steps and unloads on the two of them until referees break it up. Kevin Owens is in at #22 and sends McIntyre inside before beating on various people.

Owens even gets creative by stomping on Riddle’s bare feet as Rey Mysterio is in at #23. Rey almost eliminates Riddle but gets caught by a Stunner from Owens. Kofi Kingston is in at #24 and goes up, only to be shoved off by Owens….with his feet hitting the ground. Kingston tried to grab the barricade for his big signature save spot but he just didn’t land right. That’s disappointing, but this was bound to happen at some point as these things got so elaborate. Given what Kofi has done over the years, I’d say one slip is a pretty acceptable result.

Otis is in at #25 and runs some people over until Big E. is in at #26. Big E. gets to clean house as well until Bad Bunny returns at lucky #27. The high crossbody hits Sheamus and there’s a Canadian Destroyer to Riddle. Sheamus goes after Bunny and loads up the Brogue Kick but gets low bridged for a surprise elimination. Bunny helps Rey set up the 619 to Ziggler and then tosses Ziggler as well.

With his luck running strong, Bunny tries to get rid of Rey as Shane McMahon is in at #28 (to a VERY big reaction from commentary). Rey is eliminated by Otis as commentary can’t stop praising Shane. Owens goes after Shane and gets tossed, setting up a showdown with McIntyre (they used to be friends, a long time ago). Hometown boy Randy Orton is in at #29 and seems VERY happy to soak in those cheers. RKBro gets rid of Big E. and it’s jumping/running RKO from Riddle to Otis.

That’s enough to get rid of Otis….but Brock Lesnar is in at #30. We have a final grouping of Riddle, McIntyre, Bunny, McMahon, Orton and Lesnar, which isn’t exactly inspiring. Lesnar cleans house like you would expect him to do and there goes Orton. Bunny gets in Lesnar’s face and gets an F5, setting up another elimination. Lesnar tosses Riddle and Shane, leaving us with Lesnar vs. McIntyre. They slug it out until McIntyre has to escape the F5. The Claymore misses though and Lesnar tosses McIntyre for the win at 51:08.

Rating: C+. This was a better match than the women’s version, mainly because the star power was so much stronger and it didn’t leave me asking “really?” over and over. There were a lot of big names in here, but oddly enough this one suffered from a lack of surprises. You had McIntyre, Bunny and Shane, but other than that and Lesnar (who was there earlier in the night), there was nothing that jumped out. It didn’t have much in the way of comedy and nothing in the way of nostalgia, leaving this as a bit of a dry Rumble.

The other big problem is the ending, as Lesnar came in and erased everything else that ha happened. Lesnar was going to win the Rumble to get us to Reigns vs. Lesnar again, making the 51 minute match little more than a response to an angle that took place two matches earlier. That could have been done in a few ways, but they went with Lesnar being added at the end of a big match to get a title shot. Again.

Overall, this match was good enough, but part of that is due to the amount of bad that filled up the rest of the show. It’s definitely not a great Rumble and the ending left a(nother) bad taste in my mouth, but the McIntyre return and some of the bigger names helped a bit. If nothing else, this was even more proof that cutting so many wrestlers wasn’t a great idea when you need so many for one night.

Lesnar points at the sign so more pyro can go off (which caused the sign to catch on fire AGAIN) and replays can wrap us up.

Overall Rating: C-. It could have been worse, but this was one of the lamer Rumbles, and WWE events in general, in a long time. Nothing on here was exactly great and the two Rumbles highlighted a lot of WWE’s current problems. It feels like we are going to be seeing the same people (and Rousey) taking over another Wrestlemania. That wasn’t interesting in recent years and it isn’t interesting again here.

The biggest thing here is it felt like going back to the well and seeing whatever they can get out of the old names. The Rumble can be a great way to build someone up (like Belair and McIntyre in recent years) but this was designed to build up Rousey and Lesnar, who don’t exactly need the help. Throw in that we are probably getting Lesnar vs. Reigns again and there wasn’t much to get excited about here. The show might not have been horrible, but it was boring and uninspiring, which was a lot worse in this case.

Results
Seth Rollins b. Roman Reigns via DQ when Reigns would not release a guillotine
Ronda Rousey won the women’s Royal Rumble last eliminating Charlotte
Becky Lynch b. Doudrop – Super Manhandle Slam
Bobby Lashley b. Brock Lesnar – Belt shot from Roman Reigns
Edge/Beth Phoenix b. Miz/Maryse – Double Glam Slam
Brock Lesnar won the men’s Royal Rumble last eliminating Drew McIntyre

 

 

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