Monday Night Raw
Date: March 8, 2021
Location: Tropicana Field, St. Petersburg, Florida
Commentators: Byron Saxton Samoa Joe, Tom Phillips

We’re less than two weeks away from Fastlane and the big story coming out of last wee was Bobby Lashley FINALLY winning the WWE Title. I’m not sure how long he is going to hold the thing but it is great to see it finally happen. They have some heavy pay per view building to do so let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a long recap of Bobby Lashley vs. the Miz (both times) last week.

Bobby Lashley, with the rest of the Hurt Business, talks about how much he went through to get here and knows it was worth it. The Almighty Era has begun.

Here is the Miz, with John Morrison, for his rematch but first, he talks about how he was treated unfairly. Miz has done everything he can for this company and never takes vacations or misses time due to injury. Shane McMahon has it in for him though and made him defend the title last week despite his stomach cramps. Miz: “CRAMPS!” There was a title match though and Miz retained via countout. Like it or not, that was a title defense. But then McMahon said we’ll do it again in a lumberjack match. It was not fair and tonight, Miz is taking the title back because he is the Miz and he is AWESOME.

Raw World Title: The Miz vs. Bobby Lashley

Lashley, with MVP is defending and John Morrison is here with Miz. We get the Big Match Intros and Miz drops straight to the floor. Miz snaps Lashley’s throat across the top rope but Lashley picks him up for a delayed vertical suplex. A missed charge sends Lashley shoulder first into the post and then Miz does it again for a bonus.

We take a break and come back with Lashley throwing Miz down with a suplex. Miz gets in a big boot though and a low bridge puts Lashley on the floor again. A missed dropkick through the ropes lets Lashley post him hard to knock Miz silly. Back in and the big spinebuster sets up the Hurt Lock to retain the title at 9:05.

Rating: C. This was exactly how it should have been as Miz got in a bit of offense but never felt like a serious threat. Lashley isn’t a hard guy to figure out as he can throw people around with pure strength and that’s what he did here. This worked well and Miz is dispatched from the title scene for good again.

Wrestlemania tickets go on sale a week from tomorrow.

Drew McIntyre says he is the only challenger for the title and rants about how Miz got a title shot before he did. McIntyre knows Lashley is big and dangerous….but here’s Sheamus to jump him from behind. Sheamus shouts that this isn’t over after twenty years of being in McIntyre’s shadow. With Sheamus gone, a rather angry McIntyre gets up and starts throwing things.

Rhea Ripley is still coming.

Post break, McIntyre is still livid and wants Sheamus tonight, No DQ.

We look back at Braun Strowman’s issues with Shane McMahon and Adam Pearce last week.

R-Truth comes up to Strowman and asks for his help with Bugs Bunny. See, Bunny has gone to the Monstars and he needs Strowman’s help to get him back. First, Truth apologizes for various things, including digging a tunnel underneath the Thunder Dome and stealing his dentist’s goldfish. Strowman doesn’t have time for this and wants an apology from Shane McMahon. Truth says this conversation never happened and clicks a pen in front of Strowman’s face ala Men In Black.

Here’s Braun Strowman to ask why Shane McMahon is doing all these things. He wants an apology because he wants some respect from Shane. Strowman demands Shane come out here so cue Shane, who gets in the ring, says “I’m sorry”, turns and leaves. Shane pauses on the stage, seems to think about saying something, and then leaves without saying anything.

Post break, Shane still has nothing to say.

Sheamus vs. Drew McIntyre

No DQ so Drew jumps Sheamus at the entrance. They brawl to the ring for the opening bell with Drew getting in an elbow to the face but getting knocked out of the air. Drew catches Sheamus on top though and they head outside, with Sheamus going into the steps. He is right back with a hard clothesline but the kendo stick shot only hits post. Sheamus is sent over the barricade and then back inside, with Drew bringing the kendo stick with him. A low blow on the way back in lets Sheamus grab the stick for a few shots.

The Regal Roll connects but Drew snaps off some belly to belly suplexes. A Russian legsweep with the kendo stick gives Drew two and they head outside again. Sheamus posts him and hits a spinebuster onto the announcers’ table and we take a break. Back with Sheamus hitting a spinebuster but not being able to get the Cloverleaf. Instead Sheamus goes up top but gets crotched, allowing McIntyre to get two off a top rope superplex. A chair is brought in but Drew blocks a shot and hits the Future Shock onto said chair for a near fall.

The Claymore is countered as Sheamus throws the chair at McIntyre’s head (geez), setting up a jumping knee for two. The chair is wedged into the corner but McIntyre sends him head first into it instead. Now the Claymore connects but it knocks Sheamus outside. McIntyre muscles him back in but the Brogue Kick knocks him off the apron. They both pick up steps on the floor and ram them together, which knocks both of them down in a heap. Sheamus is out and the referee stops the match at 19:24, presumably for a no contest.

Rating: B. The ending would look to set up a trilogy match at Fastlane so this was a twenty minute preview with both guys beating the heck out of each other. That worked very well and I could go for more of it, as these two work well together. Sometimes you have to go with what works and in this case, that is these two pounding each other for a long time.

Post match medics come down as neither of them can stand.

Long video on Randy Orton vs. Alexa Bliss since Orton set the Fiend on fire at TLC.

AJ Styles is asked about Wrestlemania but would rather talk about Randy Orton and Alexa Bliss. The Fiend is tearing Orton down bit by bit with voodoo magic. Cue Orton to ask if AJ thinks this is funny. AJ doesn’t, but he does find this weak. A match is set for later.

Video on New Day.

Shelton Benjamin vs. Xavier Woods

Preview of next week’s Tag Team Title match between New Day and the Hurt Business. Shelton powers him out to the floor to start and then knocks Woods down inside. The chinlock goes on for a bit before Shelton sends him into the corner. That means a running knee to the face for two but Woods fights up and strikes away. Shelton knocks him back and yells at Kofi Kingston, with the distraction letting Woods grab a small package for the pin at 3:44.

Rating: D+. Just a quick one here and that isn’t the most interesting thing. I’m still not wild on the idea of one member of a team beating a member of the other, as it is as played of a booking tropes as there is. It’s not like New Day needs to be heated up to go after the Tag Team Titles in the first place so can we please come up with something else?

Riddle needs a place to put his scooter but agrees to let New Day (coming back through the curtain) hold onto it for him.

Riddle vs. Slapjack

Non-title and Mustafa Ali is here with Slapjack. Riddle starts fast with a suplex into the Broton but an Ali distraction lets Slapjack send Riddle into the apron twice in a row. Back in and a dropkick gives Slapjack two, followed by a Falcon Arrow for the same. Slapjack goes up but he dives into a powerbomb off the top. The Final Flash gives Riddle a delayed two so he hits it again, setting up the Bro Derek for the pin at 3:54.

Rating: C-. Riddle was mostly dominant here and that was the right idea after he lost last week. This does help to set up Ali’s title shot next week, as beating up a lackey is one of the best things that you can do for such a match. This wasn’t very much on its own, but it did the part that mattered.

We look back at the Braun Strowman/Shane McMahon segment from earlier.

Shane tells Adam Pearce to have Strowman meet him in the ring.

Post break Shane is in the ring and here is Strowman to meet him. Shane’s mic doesn’t work so he goes to the floor to get another one and then heads up the ramp. Shane talks about how last week was about having fun and Strowman needs to do the same. It’s ok to have fun at other people’s expense, though Shane can tell Strowman does not agree. Shane says there is something they have to get done….but he isn’t sure he can talk about this.

Strowman says get on with it so Shane says they need to come to an understanding. Shane starts coming back towards the ring but then backs up as Strowman asks if Shane is trying to make him look stupid. That isn’t the case because Shane doesn’t like the word stupid. Instead, Shane lists off some cliches about being stupid, but Shane would never call him stupid, would he B-b-b-b-Braun? That’s enough for Strowman as the chase is on, with Shane running into a waiting car. The car pulls away and Strowman leaves, with Shane popping back up and saying Strowman is so stupid.

Women’s Tag Team Titles: Naomi/Lana vs. Nia Jax/Shayna Baszler

Jax and Baszler are defending…..and freaking Reginald is here with them. Jax says he is down on his luck so she has brought him here for the match. Jax: “Isn’t he cute?” Shayna drives Lana into the corner to start but Lana is back with a bulldog, allowing the tag to Naomi. A double Russian legsweep drops Baszler for two and Naomi hits a corkscrew dive onto both champs (with the two of them having to step forward to catch her).

We take a break and come back with Shayna cranking on Lana’s neck. That is broken up and the hot tag brings in Naomi to clean house. A headscissors faceplant gives Naomi two on Jax and everything breaks down. Reginald offers a distraction so Lana kicks him down, only to turn into a powerbomb from Jax for the pin at 7:41.

Rating: D+. Well at least they didn’t do this on pay per view. This was the latest challenger of the month for the champs and that meant it wasn’t much to see. I’m still not sure who is supposed to take the titles from Jax and Baszler, but I’m not sure WWE knows either. It’s not like there is any division to speak of, which is why we need NXT Women’s Tag Team Titles. Makes perfect sense.

Randy Orton laughs off the idea that people are worried about him and promises an RKO to AJ Styles.

Mandy Rose and Dana Brooke want a title shot at Wrestlemania but aren’t going to announce it like Charlotte did. Cue Charlotte to say they need to prove themselves to her. So go do something about it.

AJ Styles thinks Randy Orton is crazy so tonight it’s time to smack some sense into him.

We take a long look at Miz vs. Bobby Lashley from earlier.

AJ Styles vs. Randy Orton

Omos is here with Styles. Orton hammers away to start and the threat of an RKO sends AJ bailing to the floor. Back in and AJ hammers away so they go outside again, with Orton dropping him onto the announcers’ table. A staredown with Omos lets AJ knock Orton off of the apron and there’s the slingshot forearm to the floor as we take a break.

Back with AJ working on the knee and then striking away in the corner. Orton gets in a few shots of his own though and a spinning clothesline drops AJ. They get back up and Orton catches him on top before also blocking the Phenomenal Forearm. The hanging DDT is countered into the Calf Crusher but Orton escapes and hits the hanging DDT.

Omos pulls AJ away from the RKO….and here’s Alexa Bliss on the screen. She plays her jack in the box but tells it not yet. Instead she lights a match and blows it out, which makes fire come up from three of the four ring posts. Orton coughs up the black goo and turns into the Phenomenal Forearm for the pin at 15:04.

Rating: C. AJ vs. Orton is going to be fine almost no matter what but the Alexa stuff hurt this a good bit. Part of the problem is this match came up out of nowhere, almost like WWE forgot that they had these two sitting around and threw them together to fill in a gap. You should have something better than that for these two, but given what Orton has been doing for the last few months, I’m not surprised.

Post match Bliss pops up again and laughs a lot to end the show. Man alive this story needs to wrap up already. I know it won’t be, but it needs to.

Overall Rating: C-. Aside from Sheamus vs. McIntyre, this was a rather weak show without much of interest. It also doesn’t help that they added nothing to Fastlane, which is in less than two weeks and has two matches announced, with nothing specifically from Raw. I know WWE is looking to Wrestlemania and that’s understandable, but if they are going to schedule a pay per view like Fastlane, they might want to actually do something with it. Not the worst show here, but a pretty boring one (save for that one match).

Results

Bobby Lashley b. The Miz – Hurt Lock

Sheamus vs. Drew McIntyre went to a no contest

Xavier Woods b. Shelton Benjamin – Small package

Riddle b. Slapjack – Bro Derek

Nia Jax/Shayna Baszler b. Naomi/Lana – Powerbomb to Lana

AJ Styles b. Randy Orton – Phenomenal Forearm

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

 

Monday Night Raw
Date: September 25, 2006
Location: Ford Center, Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
Attendance: 10,000
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We’re still starting of the new John Cena Era and that seems to include one last gasp from Edge, but I can’t imagine him sticking around in the main event scene that much longer. You also have to imagine that the McMahons are going to be back sooner rather than later, because that’s how Raw works. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

And the power is out, meaning the commentary intro is in the dark.

Lilian Garcia’s intro can’t be heard and there is no video screen or graphics.

Women’s Title Tournament First Round: Lita vs. Candice Michelle

Lilian’s mic is back up to announce that we’re having a Women’s Title tournament. Lita’s video is at least playing on the screen above the ring. Before the bell, Lita gets a mic and says that thanks to a private meeting with Jonathan Coachman, she gets to pick the guest referee for this match. It’s Edge and, after a rather extensive weapons shirt, he spears Candice to give Lita the pin in about thirty seconds.

Post match (and actually mid match) John Cena runs in for the save as the lights start to come back up a bit.

Back from a break with the power on and Cena talking about Edge sabotaging the lights so he wouldn’t have to face him. Edge and Lita come back out and say that there isn’t going to be a title match tonight. They are going to celebrate, sending Cena into a few jokes about Lita being….yeah I think you get the joke. Cena suggests that various parts of her are as red as the Oklahoma University end zone and says that was for JR (who gives a thumbs up. Lita: “SCREW YOU!” Cena: “I don’t have ten bucks!”

Lita is sick of Cena making fun of her when Cena is the real joke. Edge and Lita are both better wrestlers than him, which Cena says is proof that she has the testicles in the relationship. And yeah, she might be better….if he was blindfolded with one hand tied behind his back (uh oh) and wasn’t afraid of a scorching case of herpes. Edge is ready to fight right now but it’s for Lita, with Cena’s arm tied behind his back.

Footage of the Mexico tour.

Intercontinental Title: Kane vs. Johnny Nitro

Nitro, with Melina, is defending. Kane jumps him during the rather long entrance and a side slam lets Nitro get the fur coat off. Melina’s distraction lets Nitro hit a chop block but Kane boots him out of the air. Cue Umaga with a chair to Kane’s back for the DQ barely a minute in.

Post match Umaga destroys Kane with the running hip attack and the steps to the head.

Shawn Michaels is readying the WWE Magazine but can’t find any advertisements for DX gear. After the plug is done, Maria comes up to ask DX about their gauntlet match tonight. Maria thinks their catchphrase is NO WAY so HHH offers a demonstration, with Shawn pulling him away. Instead HHH whispers it in her ear before leaving, with Eugene replacing them. Maria whispers the same thing in Eugene’s ear and he faints.

This Week In Wrestling History: Andre the Giant vs. Gorilla Monsoon in a boxing match in Puerto Rico in 1977. Monsoon’s selling of the knockout is great.

Jonathan Coachman talks to Shelton Benjamin about his claims of being held down for being a black man last week. Vince McMahon’s hero is Dr. Martin Luther King! Benjamin: “I’m kind of partial to Michael Jordan myself.” Benjamin asks Coach what he knows about being a black man in this business and says Coach is “whitewashed.”

Jeff Hardy comes up with some of the most stereotypical slang you’ll ever hear (Cryme Tyme would think it was over the top) so Coach makes a match between them tonight. Benjamin: “Thanks, brother.” The two of them leave so Edge and Lita come out of Coach’s office and the Cena vs. Lita match is made. Coach even throws in a No Holds Barred stipulation, but if Edge touches Cena, he loses hit rematch. When did Coach grow a backbone?

Ric Flair vs. Mikey

The rest of the Spirit Squad is here too. Flair takes him down to start without much effort and unloads in the corner. Mikey snaps off a dropkick and slaps Flair in the corner, earning himself various shots to the face and chest. A shot to the knee looks to set up the Figure Four but Flair has to throw Nicky onto the rest of the Squad. Flair punches Mikey down for the pin. Yeah off a right hand.

Rating: D+. This mini feud continues and I’m oddly fine with a right hand beating Mikey. No matter how you look at the them, aside from Kenny, the entire Spirit Squad is a bunch of goons who only succeed at anything because they have a numbers advantage. Losing to a right hand might be a bit much, but I don’t think Mikey getting pinned by Ric Flair is going to end him.

John Cena was on MadTV.

D-Generation X vs. ???/???/???

DX is running a three team gauntlet and dedicate it to Vince McMahon. He isn’t here though, and they have a video on the Cell to explain his absence. The Highlanders are in first and lose in about fifteen seconds to a superkick. Robbie gets Pedigreed for a bonus and it’s Charlie Haas/Viscera as the second team. HHH runs Haas over to start and Shawn comes in to chop away in the corner. It’s off to Viscera, who gets crushed with a sidewalk slam and we take a break.

Back with Haas cranking on Shawn’s arms but he fights up and sends the villains into each other. The hot tag brings in HHH to clean house and a double clothesline drops Viscera. The Pedigree to Haas lays him out and a superkick knocks Viscera onto him for the double pin. Lance Cade and Trevor Murdoch are in as the third team and a cheap shot to Michaels’ back puts him in trouble, allowing Cade to blast him with a clothesline. Everything breaks down in a hurry with DX being sent into various hard objects. Cade grabs a chair to knock Shawn down for the DQ.

Rating: D+. The longest match we saw was the middle portion, which was cut in half by the break. I’m not sure how this was supposed to be anything more than a workout for DX, but at least they didn’t treat it as anything else. This felt more like DX needing a reason to be on the show and until a new team is built up, that’s about as all as you can do with them.

Post match HHH grabs his own chair to clear the ring.

In two weeks: Family Reunion, a three hour special. Oh…yay.

Cryme Tyme robs a guy near an ATM.

Jeff Hardy vs. Shelton Benjamin

Shelton knocks him down to start and then does it again for a bonus. A running forearm puts Shelton down for a change but he’s back with right hands and a bit one knocks Hardy into the barricade. Back in the chinlock goes on until hardy jawbreaks his way to freedom. The Whisper in the Wind connects but Shelton jumps up to the top, only to get shoved down for the Swanton. Shelton gets a boot on the rope and grabs the rope to block the Twist of Fate. That’s fine with Jeff, who small packages him for the fast pin.

Rating: C-. I have no idea what WWE is doing with these two and the segment with Hardy earlier was a little more than uncomfortable. At the same time, Shelton finding another way to lose is never a good thing despite how many times WWE has done it. I’ve given up on the false hope of him doing anything important anytime soon, but the racial stuff could get rather bad in a hurry.

John Cena has a wife in the Marina.

Carlito/Super Crazy vs. Randy Orton/Chris Masters

Carlito takes Masters down for an early near fall and it’s off to Crazy, who is powerbombed down in a hurry. Orton comes in and slaps on a chinlock, which is broken up in a hurry for the hot tag off to Carlito. House is cleaned and everything breaks down but Masters avoids Crazy’s moonsault. With Crazy sent outside, Masters tries the Masterlock on Carlito but gets reversed into the Backstabber for the pin.

Rating: C-. Nothing much to this one but it gives Carlito a quick boost to help him up after the Unforgiven loss. There are only so many things that you can do when the match was so definitive but at least they’re trying. The Super Crazy push is still a little odd, though at least they’re trying something new and that’s not a terrible idea.

Post match Orton catches Carlito with the RKO to leave him laying.

Here’s Jonathan Coachman for a chat and he has a surprise: Eric Bischoff of all people, who has not been here since he was fired last year. Bischoff is happy to be back and while he isn’t thrilled with being fired, he has written a book called Controversy Creates Cash. He’s telling the truth in the book, including the fact that Raw would not exist in this form without him and there would be no DX without the NWO. And then the music plays him off because that’s a little too far.

John Cena vs. Lita

Non-title, Cena’s arm is tied behind his back and Edge is here but can’t touch Cena. Lita pokes him in the eye and gets low blowed but the FU finishes her in less than a minute.

Post match here are King Booker, Finlay and William Regal from Smackdown (where Cena will be appearing in a six man tag later this week) for the big beatdown. Finlay gets in some Shillelagh shots and Booker takes off his boot because it’s time for Cena kiss the feet. JR: “WHEN DID BOOKER GET AN ENGLISH ACCENT???” Booker sits on the ropes as the beatdown knocks Cena out and his face is put onto Booker’s bare foot. Booker twirls in the robe before leaving, so Edge grabs a mic. The rematch for the title is next week and it’s inside a cage.

Overall Rating: C-. This was a weird show as there was one match which broke five minutes and it was a three fall gauntlet match. I’m not sure if they were a little spent after the international tour or whatever else but I did like the show flew by with a lot of things getting some time. Granted not everything needed to get time (like that Hardy/Shelton segment) but I did like the structure they were going with here. It wouldn’t work every week, though it worked rather well for a one off change.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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AND

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Royal Rumble 2018
Date: January 28, 2018
Location: Wells Fargo Center, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 17,629
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves, Booker T., Tom Phillips, Byron Saxton

It’s hard to believe that a year has passed since this show as I can barely remember most of the card. This show features the first ever all women’s Royal Rumble, which really is quite the milestone. Now of course they had to bring in a bunch of legends/former wrestlers who aren’t legends but are called such to fill in the lineup, but there are worse things to do. Let’s get to it.

Kickoff Show: Kalisto/Gran Metalik/Lince Dorado vs. TJP/Jack Gallagher/Drew Gulak

They aren’t the Lucha House Party yet but they’re the Lucha House Party. As usual, the arena is still mostly empty because we need to be having a match an hour and a half before the show starts. Kalisto and Gulak start things off with a weak POWERPOINT chant annoying Drew. The announcers talk about the upcoming 205 Live General Manager as Kalisto twists the knee around into something like a reverse Figure Four. Gulak rolls out so it’s Metalik and Gallagher (in his suit of course) coming in instead.

A quick takedown sends Gallagher outside where he insists a fan not boo him. TJP comes in and that earns him a triple dab from the House Party. We settle down to TJP and Dorado exchanging wristlocks until Kalisto comes in for a headlock. The pace picks up again but this time it’s Gulak coming in and flying over the top to the floor. All three luchadors get on the top and it’s a triple moonsault to the floor to pop the dozens of fans in attendance.

Back from a break with TJP dropkicking Dorado out of the air so the heat segment can begin. Gallagher hits a surfboard double stomp on the knees and it’s off to a leg crank. Gulak stomps away and it’s back to TJP to look annoyed at Dorado for not staying down. Instead it’s Gallagher going to the middle rope and looking terrified, allowing Dorado to roll away. After a quick lecture, Gulak comes in as Metalik gets the hot tag to pick up the pace. The rope walk elbow gets two as everything breaks down. The double Golden Rewind sets up a big double dive from Metalik for two on Gulak. A quick Salida Del Sol finishes TJP at 13:13.

Rating: C. For the life of me I don’t get the point in having these matches this early. There’s no one there and while the action was fine, it’s not like there’s anyone to react to them. They had a nice match here though with the dives taking them wherever they wanted to go. 205 Live was still figuring out a bunch of things but the match worked well enough because people who can fly around are always going to be worth a look.

The crowd has filled in now.

Kickoff Show: Luke Gallows/Karl Anderson vs Revival

What a lack of a difference a year makes. Revival is fresh off getting beaten up by a bunch of legends Dawson chops at Anderson in the corner until a dropkick gets him out of trouble. Dawson makes a tag from the floor (not sure if you can do that) and the distraction lets him rake Gallows’ eyes, though it doesn’t really do much. The threat of a right hand sends Revival outside and we take a break. Back with Dawson snapping Anderson’s knee over the middle rope to give the Revival a target.

Anderson gets double teamed in the corner as the announcers ignore the match to talk about Brock Lesnar. The leglocking begins so Anderson kicks him square in the jaw for the break. That’s always going to work but it’s not enough to get the hot tag off to Gallows. Another kick away allows the tag to Gallows so the pace can pick up. House is cleaned but the Magic Killer is broken up as Anderson comes back in for some reason. Anderson is fine enough to hit a kick to the head in the corner, only to have a chop block finish Anderson at 9:14.

Rating: C. Another match that only served as filler for the sake of filling time, which is one of the most annoying things you can have. It’s a match that didn’t need to exist and only served to burn off a little more of the crowd’s energy before we get to the matches that actually matter. The match was fine, though just another match that didn’t serve much of a purpose.

Kickoff Show: US Title: Bobby Roode vs. Mojo Rawley

Open challenge it seems. Roode is defending, having won the title less than two weeks ago. Before the match, Roode talks about winning the title and being the Glorious One. Rawley plants him with a shoulder but Roode is right back with a hard clothesline. A Russian legsweep gets two but it’s way too early for a Glorious DDT. Instead Rawley sends him outside and into the barricade for two as we take a break. Back with Roode still in trouble as Rawley drives knees into the ribs.

We hit the chinlock until Roode belly to back suplexes his way to freedom. The Blockbuster is countered but Roode slips off and grabs a neckbreaker for two more. Now the Blockbuster gets two but the Glorious DDT is broken up again. A spinebuster gives Rawley two and he sends Roode shoulder first into the post. The running right hand is blocked with a boot though and the (not very) Glorious DDT retains the title at 7:37.

Rating: D+. I for one am very glad that we had to sit through this as well, with Roode barely breaking a sweat to retain the title in a match that was never in doubt. Roode isn’t exactly thrilling as a face but even worse is the fact that he got stuck with the US Title of Death, which has hurt just about everyone it’s touched for a long time now.

The opening video talks about the opportunity for all, both in the Royal Rumbles and in the triple threat. Thankfully the rest of the card gets some time as well, even if Brock Lesnar still looms over everyone.

Smackdown World Title: AJ Styles vs. Sami Zayn/Kevin Owens

Owens and Zayn are challenging in a handicap match as part of the Daniel Bryan/Shane McMahon love/hate Owens/Zayn story which was more about Shane than anyone else. I miss Sami’s heel stuff as he really is someone you want to see get punched in the face. Owens lets Sami start but he tags right back out. It’s another tag a few seconds later as they’re clearly filling in time here. That’s not a complaint as there’s only so much that can be realistically done in a match like this.

AJ takes Owens down without much effort so Kevin slides to the floor and tags Sami in from the floor to a rather nice reaction. Sami headlocks AJ for little avail as Saxton GOES OFF on Graves in the most emotional outburst I’ve ever heard from him. A cheap shot lets Owens take over on AJ with a hard whip into the corner getting two. They head outside (Owens: “We’ll play outside!”) with AJ being whipped ribs first into the barricade.

Back in and Sami grabs a quickly broken chinlock, allowing AJ to come back up slugging away at Owens. A missed Cannonball in the corner bangs up Owens’ knee to put him down for a bit, allowing AJ to pull Sami off the top for a breather. Owens tries to come back in but can’t do much on the knee, meaning it’s back to Sami who charges into a boot in the corner.

The moonsault into the reverse DDT plants Sami but Owens is back up again. This time he throws AJ out of the corner but Styles catches Sami in a hurricanrana to send him outside. AJ grabs the Calf Crusher on Owens until Sami dives in for save. Owens, with his knee fine in a hurry, misses a charge into the post but is still able to superkick AJ into the Blue Thunder Bomb for a close two. Not exactly Sweet Chin Music into the Pedigree in the Cell but not bad. Important note: Sami had pinned AJ with the Blue Thunder Bomb earlier in the week, so the move was suddenly a threat. The little things like that can go a long way.

AJ slips out of a superplex attempt and scores with the Phenomenal Forearm to Sami as Owens makes a save. Sami dives over to Owens for a tag and gets sent outside, leaving Owens’ Pop Up Powerbomb to be countered into a rollup to retain AJ’s title at 15:50. The replay shows that Sami might not have actually tagged, meaning AJ pinned the wrong man.

Rating: C+. This was only going to be so good as you can only make AJ be so much of an underdog before he wins. Owens and Zayn are a great heel act but they just lost almost clean to one guy. Yeah it’s AJ Styles, but that’s not exactly the best way to present them. It doesn’t help that it’s just part of a story involving Shane McMahon as a screwy boss, but you know we’re not escaping him anymore.

Wrestlemania ad. I forgot how sick I got of that song.

Sami and Kevin complain to Shane about what happened and he really doesn’t care.

Smackdown Tag Team Titles: Usos vs. Chad Gable/Shelton Benjamin

Gable and Benjamin are challenging and this is 2/3 falls. Before the match, the Usos yell a lot about this being their house and how they’re going to win in the Uso Penitentiary. Shelton shoulders Jey down to start and Jey seems rather pleased. Gable comes in but a blind tag lets Jey come in and break up Rolling Chaos Theory. The challengers take a break on the floor before a chop block takes Jimmy’s knee out.

Shelton hits one of his own and it’s time to really work the knee over with a Robinsdale Crunch into a regular leglock. Some stereo running knees to the face drop Jimmy again and the charge continues to knock Jey off the apron as a bonus. Since WWE tends to do the same things over and over, the hot tag comes through a few seconds alter, allowing Jey to speed things up and hit a big dive to the floor.

Back in and a running hip attack in the corner looks to set up the Superfly Splash but Gable is up just in time. Some rollups get two as Shelton comes back in to load up a powerbomb. Chad has to dropkick Jimmy down instead though, leaving Shelton to powerbomb Jey into Jimmy instead. A good looking moonsault to the floor drops both Usos, though it’s not exactly enough to wake the fans up.

Rating: D+. The action wasn’t bad but what in the world was the point of the 2/3 falls stipulation? This was a watchable match but it wasn’t anything more than and the fans really didn’t care. I’m not sure what they were going for here and given that the whole show went over four hours, this really could have been cut to shave off nearly twenty minutes total.

Rumble By The Numbers. That never gets old.

Jerry Lawler comes out for commentary.

Men’s Royal Rumble

90 second intervals here, which has hit and miss results. Rusev is in at #1 and Finn Balor is in at #2. Aiden English does Rusev’s intro to a very, very strong reaction. You knew Philadelphia would be a Rusev Day town. Rusev wastes no time in trying to dumb Balor but has to take him down for an elbow instead. The running spinwheel kick cuts Balor off again and it’s Rhyno in at #3. Makes sense in the ECW Arena and I could go for Lawler making fun of ECW forever. Rhyno starts cleaning house and it’s already time for the ECW chants. Clotheslines abound until Rusev spinwheel kicks Rhyno down as well.

Baron Corbin is in at #4 because I couldn’t even avoid him back then. Corbin cleans a bit of the house and catches a charging Rhyno with Deep Six. That’s enough to toss Rhyno but Balor dumps Corbin a few seconds later to get us back to two. Corbin isn’t cool with that and pulls Balor to the floor (not eliminated) for a whip into the barricade. Rusev takes End of Days and everyone is down. Heath Slater is in at #5 and gets dropped on the ramp to put everyone down again.

Elias, with guitar of course, is in at #6 and since everyone is down, let’s have a song! See, now this makes some sense and is a proper way to fill in some time and keep things fresh. After a kick to Slater on the way down the ramp, Elias confirms that the people do indeed want to walk with Elias. You always have to make sure of course. The song is about spitting in the face of the Rocky Statue (TOO FAR!) but the countdown clock cuts him off and it’s Andrade Cien Almas (NXT Champion with Zelina Vega) in at #7. Now that’s a nice move and having it happen the night after he won a classic match makes it even better.

Almas wastes no time in hitting the running knees in the corner but the hammerlock DDT is broken up. Bray Wyatt is in at #8 and walks rather to the ring rather quickly. Before he gets in, he beats Slater up on the floor and sends him into the barricade, meaning Slater still hasn’t gotten in yet. Balor gets up and saves Elias from Sister Abigail but gets knocked down as it’s all Wyatt. Big E. is in at #9 but first, we need to have some pancakes. A single belly to belly drops Wyatt, only to have Rusev pop up with a superkick to Big E.

Tye Dillinger somehow gets #10 again….but hang on a second as Sami Zayn and Kevin Owens jumps him from behind so Sami can take his spot (while knocking Slater down again to continue the running gag). That gives us Rusev, Balor, Slater (on the floor), Elias, Almas, Wyatt, Big E. and Zayn. Nothing of note happens until Sheamus is in at #11 and he even throws Slater inside….and gets clotheslined out just as fast. Sheamus’ shocked face is rather good, though the fans aren’t happy when Wyatt eliminates Slater a few seconds later. Everyone is down again until Xavier Woods is in at #12 so 2/3 of New Day can start to clean house, thereby waking the crowd up a bit.

The fans get way into the countdown as Apollo Crews is in at #13, which should kill the crowd all over again. I’m not sure why they’re so quiet here but maybe they’re waiting for the big finish instead. Again not much happens and it’s Shinsuke Nakamura at #14 to fill up the ring even more. The fans are into Nakamura as he starts cleaning house, including the running knee in the corner to get rid of Zayn for old times’ sake.

Cesaro is in at #15 and gets to clean house as the fans get behind Rusev. They’re quite fickle in Philadelphia. Kofi Kingston is in at #16 and the New Day is at full strength. Apollo nearly gorilla presses Cesaro out but gets sent to the apron himself, allowing Cesaro to uppercut him out. Jinder Mahal is in at #17 because we’re just that lucky. Woods dropkicks him into the corner but gets knocked off the top for the elimination. We didn’t even get anything from the full New Day in the whole thing?

Mahal gets rid of Big E. as well and it’s Seth Rollins in at #18 to a nice reaction. Rollins monkey flips Cesaro out as at least they’re keeping the eliminations flowing. Mahal goes to dump Kofi but Woods is still on the floor, meaning Kofi can land on him instead of the floor. Big E. offers a plate of pancakes for the other foot and a nice case of hopping lets Kofi get back in, complete with Big E. and Woods launching him back in. Trouble in Paradise eliminates Mahal and it’s time to cover him in pancakes. With the celebration rolling, Almas hits Kofi with the hammerlock DDT to get rid of Kofi.

Woken Matt Hardy is in at #19 (King: “Oh brother.”) and he goes straight for Elias with the rams into the corner. Matt and Bray get together and eliminate Rusev, much to the fans’ annoyance. That’s it for the teamwork as they slug it out and then eliminate each other to really clear the ring a bit. John Cena is in at #20, giving us Balor, Elias, Almas, Nakamura, Rollins and Cena. The other five are waiting for Cena and stomp him down, because they’re rather smart. They don’t go for the elimination though, because their intelligence is short sighted.

Cena dumps Elias (because Cena always ruins Elias’ night) and the Hurricane is in at #21, much to Cena’s shock. The Hurri-chokeslam is easily countered into an AA to get rid of Hurricane, who is shocked as well. Aiden English is in at #22 but the fans would rather argue about Cena. Adam Cole, with bad ribs, is in at #23 and you know these fans are going to like him. Balor (hey he’s still in this) eliminates English and it’s Randy Orton in at #24. Cena shrugs off an RKO attempt so Almas takes it instead and gets thrown out as the amount of entrants stays at a nice pace.

Titus O’Neil is in at #25 but no one seems worried about him. At least they know their history. Titus does actually beat up Nakamura in the corner as Cena and Orton have their contractually obligated fight until Intercontinental Champion The Miz is in at #26. That means house can be cleaned, including the YES Kicks to Rollins and Cena. A Skull Crushing Finale keeps Cena down but Rollins superkicks Miz.

Rey Mysterio makes a surprise appearance at lucky #27, marking his first appearance with the company since the night after Wrestlemania XXX. The pace gets to pick up and Cole is eliminated off a headscissors. Miz eats a 619 and it’s Roman Reigns in at #28 to tick the fans off in a bad way. Almost everyone gets a right hand until it’s a showdown with Miz, who took Reigns’ Intercontinental Title on Raw earlier in the week.

Dolph Ziggler is in at #30 (Cole: “I thought he retired or something!” This was after Ziggler vacated the US Title and walked out without ever mentioning what he was doing. And now he’s right back, apparently saying that the US Title means nothing. Anyway the final group is Balor, Nakamura, Cena, Orton, Mysterio, Reigns, Goldust and Ziggler. Cena tries an AA on Ziggler, who flips out and lands on his leg, which probably should have counted as full on impact. Goldust scores with the snap powerslam but Ziggler easily puts him out with a superkick.

Some tuning up the band takes too long though and Ziggler is knocked to the apron so Balor can knock him out. They vacated the title to give Ziggler a two minute cameo. Well done indeed. We’re down to six and that’s a CRAZY deep field, with Nakamura being the least successful in WWE. Balor takes an AA and it’s a 619 to Reigns, followed by an RKO to Nakamura (Lawler: “COVER HIM! COVER HIM! Oh wait….”).

Reigns gets up with a Superman Punch to Orton for an elimination but it’s Mysterio with a double 619 to Reigns and Cena. Balor breaks up a springboard though and Mysterio is out to leave us with four. Everyone is down in a corner until it’s Cena vs. Nakamura and Reigns vs. Balor. Nakamura and Balor are knocked down so it’s a Reigns vs. Cena showdown but nothing happens before the other two are right back up. Nakamura’s running knee in the corner rocks Balor but he gets back in, only to get kicked square in the head.

Reigns is back up for a save this time and NOW we get Reigns vs. Cena for the big showdown. The slugout goes to Reigns but Balor gets up and starts firing off Sling Blades. Kinshasa is cut off with a running double stomp from Balor, only to have Cena pop up and throw Balor out to get us down to three. A Superman Punch puts Nakamura down but he’s right back up to kick Cena to the apron. Another knee sends Cena to the floor and we’re down to Nakamura vs. Reigns. I think you know who the fans are behind here.

They slug it out in the middle and it’s a Superman Punch to put Nakamura in trouble. Nakamura is sent to the apron but comes back with a triangle choke over the ropes. That’s rather stupid, though it’s also broken up with a powerbomb. The spear is cut off by a kick to the face and the middle rope knee to the face drops Reigns. Kinshasa gets blocked by a tackle to the face (called a spear) but the second attempt works just fine. Reigns is out on his feet and Nakamura tosses him out for the win at 1:05:29.

Rating: B-. This is one where you’re going to have to think about things for a bit. First and foremost, the winner is a fine choice. Nakamura hadn’t broken through yet and this is the kind of win that can help him do that (it didn’t, but it could have). Second, the last fifteen minutes or so with the final group was great stuff and full of drama as you could see anyone winning.

The problem is everything else, which isn’t terrible but it’s also not too great. The first part barely meant anything with just Balor being there from the beginning until the end. There were a few nice surprises and it doesn’t drag terribly or anything, but you really could skip about the first half hour and not miss much. It’s a completely watchable Rumble but it’s in the middle of the pack at best.

Post match Nakamura (or Shin as Cole keeps calling him because WWE likes to make Cole sound like an idiot) picks AJ Styles for Wrestlemania to really pop the crowd. Sounds awesome to me and for the most part, it was.

Next year’s Rumble is in Phoenix.

The bosses of the show trade bragging barbs. Watching a year later, I can’t believe how stupid these look now. WWE really thinks that we care about these stupid battling brand arguments. I have no idea why, but but that’s been their narrative for years. Stephanie says that no matter who wins the Women’s Royal Rumble, everyone will be surprised. That’s some nice foreshadowing.

We look at the KFC Colonel Sanders Rumble, with Ric Flair reenacting the 1992 Royal Rumble to win the whole thing. I still think this is some fever dream that they managed to record.

Raw Tag Team Titles: The Bar vs. Jason Jordan/Seth Rollins

Jordan and Rollins are defending after winning the belts on Christmas night. It’s pretty clear that Jordan is filling in for the injured Dean Ambrose and that’s not a bad thing. Rollins and Cesaro start things off with Rolling taking over off a flying mare (you don’t see that one very often). It’s off to Sheamus but a quick Cesaro distraction prevents Jordan from coming in, meaning Rollins is driven back into the corner.

An enziguri gets Rollins a breather as the crowd is eerily silent. Cesaro breaks up the hot tag attempt to Jordan and sends him into the post, leaving Rollins to hit a suicide dive on both challengers. The medics are out checking on Jordan, though that might be making sure he doesn’t fall asleep. Cesaro grabs a chinlock, which is the last thing this match could possibly need. Rollins fights up and tries the springboard but gets clotheslined down by Cesaro.

A Demolition Decapitator and a double backbreaker give the Bar two each and Rollins is in big trouble. Sheamus misses a charge into the post though, giving Rollins a breather as Jordan is STILL down. Rollins gets the Blockbuster on Cesaro, followed by the Falcon Arrow for two. Super White Noise is broken up and Jordan is finally on the apron for a tag. He immediately grabs his head though and tags himself out. That’s fine with the Bar, as the spike White Noise gets the titles back at 12:50.

Rating: D. As you probably guessed, this was Jordan’s last “match”. I know he wasn’t the most thrilling guy in the world, but he was getting the hang of things until his neck just gave out on him and there was no coming back. At least he got a nice run and there’s a very real chance that he could get back in the ring one day. It’s not exactly fair to call the match bad….but it was really quite bad and the fans were just gone in a terrible way.

Here’s what’s coming to the Network.

We recap the Universal Title match. Brock Lesnar is a monster, two other monsters are challenging for his title, Braun Strowman is really strong and broke some stuff.

Raw World Title: Brock Lesnar vs. Kane vs. Braun Strowman

Lesnar is defending. Braun starts fast with running splashes in the corner and a running dropkick to Brock, followed by a knee to his head. Brock then UNLOADS on Strowman with right hands which look a lot like receipts from a former UFC Heavyweight Champion rather than working punches. Lesnar shouts something that sounds like SLOW DOWN as Kane gets back up. Brock grabs a chair which is knocked into his face, followed by a toss out to the floor.

Some shots with the steps put Lesnar and Kane down and it’s time for a pair of tables inside. With one set up in the corner, Strowman chokeslams Kane for two with Lesnar making the save. Three rolling German suplexes….don’t do much to Strowman, who powerslams Lesnar through a table for two. Kane shoulders Strowman through the other table in the corner but again, Strowman is right up. A German suplex sends Lesnar outside but he’s fine enough to hit an F5 to send Strowman through the announcers’ table.

With that not being enough, Lesnar turns the other announcers’ table onto Strowman, literally burying him. Another F5 sends Kane through the other announcers’ table, because we need three of them at ringside. Strowman is back up, because of course he is, and Lesnar isn’t sure what to do. Back in and Lesnar takes two powerslams, only to have Kane make the save with some chair shots to Strowman. Lesnar pops up, sends both of them into each other, and F5’s Kane onto the chair to retain at 11:00.

Rating: D. There were some good power spots in there but this match didn’t need to be on the card either. Lesnar won another match that didn’t do anything for him and then walked off with the title for two and a half months, which was the case for FAR too long. I get the idea of keeping Strowman warm but they’re taking way too long to get anywhere.

We recap the Women’s Royal Rumble. Stephanie McMahon announced that we needed one and everyone nodded along because that’s how WWE works.

Women’s Royal Rumble

90 second intervals, Maria Menunos is guest ring announcer and Stephanie is on commentary. As she comes to the ring, the announcers are all over themselves to suck up to her, with lines like “she’s a trailblazer but would never admit it”. Alexa Bliss and Charlotte (reigning Women’s Champions) are sitting at ringside. Sasha Banks is in at #1 and pre-Man Becky Lynch is in at #2 for a feeling out process to start. Neither can grab a submission hold and it’s a double clothesline, allowing Sarah Logan to come in at #3 and pick the bones.

She goes after Becky first but stops to point at the sign, meaning Becky is staying in. A headbutt drops Banks so everyone stands around until it’s Mandy Rose in at #4. The near eliminations abound as Stephanie gets into full on “person having an unnatural conversation” mode with Corey, making her rather annoying in her own right. Lita is in at #5 (in a #timesup shirt) to really fire the fans up for the first time in awhile.

Sasha and Becky stare her down and we get the slugout, which is rather cool when you consider how much of an inspiration she and Trish Stratus were on the current generation. Stephanie talks about how she and Lita were close over the years….and actually mentions CHYNA, which I didn’t think was allowed. Well I guess it’s cool if you’re Stephanie. Mandy is sent to the apron and hits a knee to Lita, who eliminates her without much effort. Kairi Sane is in at #6 and it’s a double spear to Lynch and Banks.

The Insane Elbow hits Banks and there’s one to Becky as Tamina (all in white for some reason) is in at #7. Lita drops her with a DDT because Tamina isn’t very good, setting up Twists of Fate to Lynch and Banks. There’s the moonsault to both of them and Lita throws Tamina out. Becky gets rid of Lita a few seconds later and it’s Dana Brooke in at #8. She goes straight for Sane in the corner….and actually eliminates her in a pretty big upset. Torrie Wilson is in at #9 and we now have to pretend that she was anything more than eye candy because she wrestled fifteen years ago.

Logan dropkicks her down as a TORRIE WILSON chant begins. A backdrop and dropkick to the knee get rid of Dana and it’s Sonya Deville in at #10. That means a kick to the ribs to get rid of Torrie (yes she looked great, and that’s about the extent of her value here). Liv Morgan is in at #11 and we hear about how much she idolized Lita. That likely applies to almost everyone in the match, which is rather cool given that Lita was in the match.

Things settle down again and it’s Molly Holly in at #12 to a rather big reaction. She dumps Logan with ease and there’s the Molly Go Round to Banks. They both fall to the floor (not out) and it’s Lana in at #13. These people are just coming and going at this point with very little other than nostalgia holding things together. Lana takes Liv down with a rather impressive spear and it’s Michelle McCool in at #14.

The fans immediately chant for the Undertaker as Michelle dumps Sonya. Morgan is out as well and Michelle gets rid of Molly with ease. Lana gets back up and is dumped just as well. Becky and Sasha double team Michelle to little avail as Ruby Riott is in at #15. No one can get anywhere and it’s Vickie Guerrero (the obvious comedy spot) in at #16. A bunch of EXCUSE ME’s earn her an elimination and it’s Carmella in at #17, but Vickie blasts her with the Money in the Bank briefcase to leave her laying on the floor.

Natalya is in at #18 (Stephanie: “Here she comes.” Natalya gets “here she comes”?) but Carmella decks her on the floor before it’s time to start the strutting. The Bexploder puts her down though and everyone is on the mat for a breather. Kelly Kelly is in at #19 and opts for some kicks in the corner as Natalya eliminates Michelle.

It’s Naomi in at #20, giving us Sasha, Becky, Riott, Carmella, Natalya, Kelly Kelly and Naomi. A bunch of Rear Views clean house and a kick to the head drops Banks. Sasha gets sent outside (not out, again) but Becky doesn’t have the same luck as Riott gets rid of her. Jacqueline is in at #21 and goes after Kelly as very little is going on at the moment. Nia Jax is in at #22 and gets rid of Kelly and Jacqueline without much effort. Riott gets tossed as well so Naomi fires off kicks. Jax throws her onto the big pile but Naomi lands on the barricade.

As she tries to figure it out, the injured Ember Moon is in at #23 and slugs away with one arm. Naomi walks the barricade and gets to the timekeeper’s area where she steals Menunos’ chair to crawl over to the steps for the improbable save. Back in….and Nia dumps her with ease. With everyone else on the floor, Beth Phoenix is in at # 24 and it’s time for a showdown.

Beth avoids a charge in the corner but can’t get her up in the fireman’s carry. Another attempt works to a big reaction as Natalya gets back in. They can’t get rid of Nia as they knock her to the floor (enough already) instead. Natalya quickly turns on Beth and throws her out as Carmella comes back in. Having this many women on the floor is ridiculous as you can’t remember who is still in.

Asuka is in at #25 to strike away, setting up the big reunion fight with Ember. Moon is fine enough for a one armed Eclipse but Asuka throws her out a few seconds later. So much for that. Mickie James is in at #26 and grabs a neckbreaker on Natalya. A bunch of near eliminations go nowhere and it’s Nikki Bella in at lucky #27, to a strong pop because we live in a random and chaotic universe. There’s a springboard kick to the face to put Banks down and it’s a spear to Natalya. Nikki throws Carmella out but everyone jumps onto the superwoman known as Nikki until Brie Bella comes out of retirement to come in at #28.

That means it’s time for the YES chants and some horrible running knees. The Bellas get their big moment (because they haven’t had one in a few minutes) and Nia is knocked to the floor (say it with me: without being eliminated). Bayley is in at #29 and gets to clean house until Asuka kicks her in the head. Trish Stratus is in at #30, which is quite the moment, though it was always going to be her or Rousey. That gives us a final grouping of Banks, Natalya, Jax, Asuka, James, Nikki, Brie, Bayley and Trish.

After tackling Natalya, we get the Trish vs. Bellas showdown which I think only WWE believes matters. A double Stratusfaction drops the Bellas and it’s time for a real showdown with Trish vs. Mickie. The Stratusphere is blocked so Trish kicks her in the head for the elimination. Nia gets back in so the big beatdown is on with a couple of kicks sending her to the ropes. Everyone gets together for the elimination in a good moment. Sasha dumps Bayley in a bit of a stab in the back and it’s Natalya grabbing a Sharpshooter on Trish.

That’s broken up because it’s a worthless move here, allowing Trish to kick Natalya out to get us to five. Banks goes after Trish, who kicks her in the ribs and does Sasha’s dance (that works). That’s fine with Banks, who kicks Trish out but turns into Asuka. They decide to go for the Bellas but it winds up being all three going after Asuka in a smart move. Banks says she’s ready for Asuka and loads up the double knees in the corner, only to have the Bellas turn on her.

That leaves Asuka and the Bellas (plus probably fourteen women on the floor as you never can tell) with the former firing off kicks to both of them. Brie gets sent to the apron but Nikki cuts Asuka off with the Rack Attack 2.0. A forearm knocks Brie out though as the sisters fight again. Asuka hits the missile dropkick on Nikki but she’s right back with a kick to the face. They both wind up on the apron with Asuka kicking the leg out (barely) for the win at 58:57.

Rating: B-. I remember being confused about what to think of this one last year and that’s the case again here. The legends needed to be there to flesh out the match and while there were some other options (NXT), I can go with this for the sake of history. This was designed to be more of a history of women’s wrestling over the years and there’s nothing wrong with that. They did a great job of making me want to see who was next as it was a nice mixture of all those generations. Having the nice mixture worked well and the right person won, so it’s hard to complain all that much. Stephanie was fine, though rather unnecessary.

Post match Charlotte and Alexa get in the ring to hold up the titles….and here’s Ronda Rousey to a huge reaction because she’s a star that was rumored to be in Columbia for this show. We get the most awkward sign pointing of all time (there’s an art to it) but Asuka won’t shake her hand. A bunch of staring and then high fiving fans, plus a handshake with Stephanie ends the show.

Overall Rating: C+. It wasn’t a very good show, but the two namesake matches delivered well enough and only the Universal Title match was really bad. The big story here was Ronda of course and that delivered (awkward pointing aside) so it’s hard to really call this anything but pretty good. The wrestling wasn’t great overall and, again, the show was way too long but the important stuff worked well and that’s how you get a nice show.

Ratings Comparison

Lucha House Party vs. TJP/Jack Gallagher/Drew Gulak

Original: C

Redo: C

Luke Gallows/Karl Anderson vs. Revival

Original: C

Redo: C

Bobby Roode vs. Mojo Rawley

Original: D

Redo: D+

Kevin Owens/Sami Zayn vs. AJ Styles

Original: B

Redo: C+

Usos vs. Chad Gable/Shelton Benjamin

Original: B-

Redo: D+

Men’s Royal Rumble

Original: A

Redo: B-

Seth Rollins/Jason Jordan vs. The Bar

Original: C-

Redo: D

Brock Lesnar vs. Kane vs. Braun Strowman

Original: B-

Redo: D

Women’s Royal Rumble

Original: B

Redo: B-

Overall Rating

Original: A-

Redo: C+

I don’t remember the last time I was that far off on so many matches. I mean….dang man.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/01/28/royal-rumble-2018-i-had-fun-again/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

Royal Rumble 2018
Date: January 28, 2018
Location: Wells Fargo Center, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves, Byron Saxton, Tom Phillips, Booker T.

The big night is finally here and for the first time ever we have two Royal Rumbles in one night. This time around we have a women’s version to go with the standard men’s version and that opens up the doors for a lot more surprise entrants. Of course it also opens the door for a lot more boring action if the last few Rumbles are any indication. Let’s get to it.

Kickoff Show: Drew Gulak/TJP/Jack Gallagher vs. Kalisto/Gran Metalik/Lince Dorado

Drew takes Kalisto down by the arm to start as the announcers talk about the upcoming 205 Live General Manager. That just earns a few chants from the crowd, which Gulak of course can’t stand. It’s off to Gallagher vs. Metalik with Gran working on the knee until Lince and TJP come in to complete each trio’s ring time.

The announcers discuss dabbing until the villains are all sent outside. The three masked men hit stereo moonsaults from the same turnbuckle (very cool) to the floor as we take a break. Back with TJP kicking Lince in the ribs and handing it off to Gulak, who drops Dorado’s partners off the apron. Now the announcers speculate on the next General Manager, which is much more focused than you would expect from these guys.

Jack cranks on Dorado’s leg as about half of the HUGE group of empty seats opposite the hard camera is filled in. But hey, at least we have a meaningless match going on an hour and a half before the rest show starts. Gallagher goes to the middle rope, pauses to listen to Gulak telling him not to jump, and then misses a dive anyway. The hot tag brings in Metalik for the rope walk into the dropkick to put Gulak down. The rope walk elbow works just as well for two as everything breaks down. Stereo dives take Gallagher and Gulak down, leaving the Salida Del Sol to finish TJP at 13:13.

Rating: C. Take any match between some combination of these guys that you might have seen on 205 Live and add five minutes to get this match. I’m not sure how that’s supposed to entice me to watch a pay per view but I’m sure WWE is smarter than I am on that front. Nothing special here, outside of that triple moonsault that is. This would have been fine as the only dark match but with two more, it could have been cut.

Kickoff Show: Revival vs. Anderson and Gallows

Rematch from Monday where Anderson and Gallows won, followed by the Revival getting destroyed by DX and Scott Hall. The Brian Pillman style trunks don’t really suit Revival but anything is better than Monday. Dawson gets sent outside to start for a breather before it’s Gallows tossing both of them around. Back from a break with Dawson working on Anderson’s knee with a string of elbow drops.

Wilder comes in to crank the knee even more but Anderson keeps kicking him away. Therefore, in a good tag team idea, Revival double teams him to keep the advantage. Now why is that so hard to figure out? Of course the hot tag goes through a few seconds later but at least they were trying. Everything breaks down and Gallows scores with a splash for two. Everything breaks down and the Magic Killer is broken up. Dawson sidesteps a charge to post Gallows and Dash’s chop block is good for the pin on Anderson at 9:11.

Rating: C. Well, it was better than Monday. I’m glad Revival won and now of course we’re likely to have the rubber match tomorrow night because WWE loves their trilogies. The leg stuff was fine here but the break in the middle didn’t do it many favors. At least the right team won though and that helps a lot.

Kickoff Show: Bobby Roode vs. ???

Roode is defending in an Open Challenge answered by….Mojo Rawley. The fans think Mojo sucks as he sends Roode into the corner and actually hammers him down as we take a break. Back with Mojo driving knees in the corner and grabbing a chinlock. Roode fights up and hits a running forearm, followed by a neckbreaker for two. There’s the Blockbuster but the Glorious DDT is countered into a spinebuster. Back up and another Glorious DDT is countered into a backdrop but the running punch is blocked. Instead it’s a regular DDT to retain the title at 7:37.

Rating: D. This could have been on any house show and that’s not good as the Kickoff Show main event. Roode doesn’t have a ton of challengers and a lot of that is due to how so few people were treated as important for the sake of Jinder Mahal. They need some kind of a feud going here and Rawley isn’t the kind of person to do that.

The opening video doesn’t say much out of the ordinary but it does a very good job of setting up the big matches while treating the Rumble win as a big deal. It’s very nice that they gave the match some shine for once because they haven’t exactly treated it like it matters up to this point.

Smackdown World Title: AJ Styles vs. Kevin Owens/Sami Zayn

AJ is defending in a handicap match. The challengers do have to tag and it’s Sami starting for the team. No contact and it’s off to Owens, who hangs on the ropes instead of going after the champ. Sami is already back in as there’s almost no contact in the first minute and a half. AJ wrestles Sami down but it’s already back to Owens, who takes AJ down, runs to the floor and tags Sami back in.

That means a drop down into a dropkick for Zayn as Byron and Graves have ANOTHER stupid argument that completely ignores the match. There’s a backdrop for two on AJ as the fans aren’t sure who to cheer for. Owens comes back in and unloads with right hands before sending AJ into the barricade. Almost all challengers so far. Owens gets in a double stomp and brings AJ into the corner for more right hands. An electric chair faceplant is good for two more and it’s off to the chinlock.

AJ fights up again and gets in a shot to Owens’ ankle, which was banged up on Smackdown in the first place. The Pele is enough to bring Sami back in but the Helluva Kick is blocked with a raised boot. Everything breaks down and Owens monkey flips Styles, who hurricanranas Zayn to the floor instead of crashing to the mat. The Calf Crusher has Owens ready to tap until Sami dives back in for the save.

Owens kicks AJ in the back of the head to knock him into the Blue Thunder Bomb, which of course only gets two (once in a lifetime you see). Another kick to the head puts Sami down this time and the springboard 450 is good for another near fall. They slug it out with AJ throwing Sami to the floor, only to eat a superkick from Owens. The Pop Up Powerbomb is countered into a rollup though and AJ retains (pinning the illegal man) at 16:08.

Rating: B. About what was expected here as there’s only so much you can do when the participants have been treated as background characters. I’m glad Bryan and Shane were left out but the match has been booked to make them the stars, meaning this is likely to continue. Some good action here, but it wasn’t the most thrilling match in the world.

Wrestlemania XXXIV ad.

Sami and Kevin ask Shane what he’s going to do. They can’t have another referee screw Owens out of another title. Shane says that yep, he did indeed see that. Nothing else is said.

Smackdown Tag Team Titles: Usos vs. Shelton Benjamin/Chad Gable

The Usos are defending and this is 2/3 falls after Gable pinned the wrong Uso a few weeks back. In other words, the same ending as the previous match, again showing the limited creative abilities of WWE. Gable can’t hit a German suplex on Jimmy to start so it’s some chops to the chest in the corner. A distraction lets Chad get in a chop block though and Jimmy is in trouble early on.

Benjamin drives knees into the bad knee as the challengers start cutting the ring off for an old NWA feel. Shelton stops to yell at the crowd though and it’s an enziguri to cut him off. The hot tag brings in Jey, who dives through the ropes to take out both challengers in a row. Back in and Gable gets two off a tiger suplex (I haven’t seen that one in years), followed by a powerbomb to send Jey into Jimmy.

Pay Dirt gives Shelton two and the bug eyed look on the kickout is funnier than it should be. It’s back to Gable who moonsaults onto both champions on the floor but Gable can’t pin the illegal Uso. That means a superkick into the Superfly Splash for two in a surprise near fall. The double Superfly Splash is broken up so Gable loads up Rolling Chaos Theory.

That’s broken up as well and four straight superkicks end Gable at 12:21. Gable and Benjamin beat the heck out of both champs to start the second fall. A rolling Liger Kick hits Jey and Chad goes up, leaving Shelton to get small packaged to retain the titles in two straight falls at 13:47.

Rating: B-. That was kind of a surprising ending but it’s not like it really matters. The Bludgeon Brothers (who have kind of disappeared in recent weeks) are pretty clearly the next challengers and it should be a fun match when we get to it. I’m not sure what happens to Benjamin and Gable at this point but they’ve proven to be a good team who deserve more time.

Rumble by the Numbers video.

Jerry Lawler joins commentary for the Rumble.

Men’s Royal Rumble

90 second intervals this year. Rusev is #1 (with Aiden English singing him to the ring) and Finn Balor (in red here) is in at #2 to a very strong reaction. Balor gets sent to the apron early on but gets back in without too much effort. Rhyno is in at #3 and gets in a showdown with Rusev that doesn’t go much of anywhere. Balor is back up and it’s Baron Corbin in at #4 to quickly eliminate Rhyno.

Finn is right behind Corbin though and gets rid of him as well, sending Corbin into a rage. That means Balor is pulled to the floor for a whip into the barricade (shoulder first) and End of Days on the floor to Rusev. Heath Slater is in at #5 and gets run over on the ramp. Everyone is down and it’s Elias in at #6, playing the guitar (and kicking Slater in the head) on the way to the ring.

It’s time for a song about spitting in the Rocky statue’s face but the countdown clock cuts him off. NXT Champion Andrade Cien Almas is in at #7 (running Slater over again as we have a running joke) and a running elbow puts Elias into the corner. The running knees rock Elias again but the hammerlock DDT is broken up. A hard clothesline drops Almas and it’s Bray Wyatt in at #8.

Naturally Slater gets laid out again and there’s a release Rock Bottom to Elias. Balor comes back in to break up Sister Abigail (again, thank goodness). Big E. is in at #9 and gives Slater some pancakes instead of beating him up. Bray is waiting on him with Cole saying Bray has been so dominating since entering. IT’S BEEN LIKE TWO MINUTES!

Rusev is back in but can’t get rid of Almas. Tye Dillinger is in at #10 (again), giving us Balor, Rusev, Slater (still not in the ring), Elias, Almas, Wyatt, Big E. and Dillinger. Actually hang on a second as we cut to the back to see Dillinger getting beaten down by Owens and Zayn. Sami is taking his place and continues the tradition by jumping Slater.

Sheamus is in at #11 and throws Slater in….who immediately eliminates Sheamus (on his BIRTHDAY). Bray dumps Slater almost immediately and it’s Xavier Woods in at #12. Woods and Big E. double team Sami and a wheelbarrow slam into a splash hits Elias. Rusev can’t get rid of Big E. and it’s Apollo Crews in at #13. Apollo gets in a good looking jumping enziguri on Bray as Byron is now anti-Zayn as he tries to show a personality.

Balor escapes Sister Abigail and it’s Shinsuke Nakamura in at #14. Sami is waiting on him in a Takeover: Dallas flashback as the fans sing Nakamura’s song. There are WAY too many people in there and some eliminations are needed. Nakamura fires off some kicks and it’s Good Vibrations for Elias. The running knee in the corner gets rid of Sami and Cesaro is in at #15, giving us Balor, Rusev, Elias, Almas, Wyatt, Big E., Woods, Crews, Nakamura and Cesaro.

Uppercuts abound without much happening and it’s Kofi Kingston in at #16 to put New Day at full strength. Cesaro cuts him off with an uppercut but Crews gorilla presses Cesaro….to the apron at least but he gets back in. Instead a shot to the back gets rid of Crews to thin the ring out a bit. Jinder Mahal is in at #17 and goes after Woods, who dropkicks him into the corner. Woods is dumped a few seconds later though and Mahal gets rid of Big E. as well.

Seth Rollins is in at #18 (now with flames on his tights) and gets rid of Cesaro in short order. Mahal sends Kofi over the top but he lands on Xavier….and then on a plate of pancakes. Big E. and Woods launch him from the floor over the ropes and over Mahal, who gets caught with Trouble in Paradise for the elimination. As the rest of New Day throws pancakes at Mahal, Almas hits the hammerlock DDT and eliminates Kofi in a pretty big upset.

Matt Hardy is in at #19 for a standoff with Bray, which is broken up by Rusev. Bray and Matt actually start working together and get rid of Rusev (the fans are NOT pleased) before fighting each other. They eliminate each other and it’s John Cena at #20, giving us Balor, Elias, Almas, Nakamura, Rollins and Cena.

Everyone jumps Cena at the same time in a smart move but then let him up, allowing him to AA Elias out. The Hurricane of all people is in at #22 (which Cole calls a superhero persona which was a huge hit with kids years ago) and tries a chokeslam but gets tossed out by Cena. Hurricane lands on the pancakes, nearly slips, and then does his pose over and over again on the way to the back. Aiden English is in at #22 and goes after Rollins before switching to Balor.

Adam Cole (with taped ribs) from NXT is in at #23 to a very nice reaction. Balor kicks English off the ropes for an elimination and it’s Randy Orton in at #24. An RKO drops Almas and there he goes after a strong performance. Things settle down a bit and it’s Titus O’Neil in at #25. Cole gets sent to the apron but slides back in, leaving Titus to chop Nakamura in the corner. Miz is in at #26 and starts fast with the YES Kicks, followed by a Skull Crushing Finale on Cena.

Lucky #27 is the returning Rey Mysterio to get rid of Cole in a hurry. The Miz takes 619 and it’s Roman Reigns in at #28. You can feel the pain from the booing. Reigns goes after Miz and hits the jumping clothesline, followed by the clotheslines in the corner. Titus gets eliminated but the Miztourage saves Miz from the same fate. Rollins Curb Stomps Miz but gets into a showdown with Reigns. A DoubleBomb gets rid of Miz but Reigns turns on Rollins to get rid of him as well.

Goldust is in at #29 and hurts himself headbutting Reigns. Cena gets beaten up as well and it’s Dolph Ziggler (POP) in at #30, giving us a final group of Balor, Nakamura, Cena, Orton, Mysterio, Reigns, Goldust and Ziggler. Goldust is out in a hurry and Balor kicks Ziggler out, making him one of the most inconsequential #30s in recent memory. Rey, Cena and Orton get together in one corner, Nakamura and Balor are in another and Reigns is on his own (how appropriate).

Balor takes a quick AA followed by the 619 to Reigns. There’s an RKO to Nakamura but Cena blocks another attempt. A Superman Punch lets Reigns get rid of Orton and a double 619 hits Reigns and Cena (with Cena loudly talking to Reigns while they wait). Balor throws Mysterio out to get us down to four meaning everyone goes to a corner.

We get the big staredown as the fans are behind Nakamura. Cena throws a You Can’t See Me at Balor and hammers on Nakamura while Reigns beats on Balor. That gives us the big showdown as the fans think they both suck. No one throws a punch as Balor and Nakamura get back up, giving us a much better received showdown. The running knees in the corner put Balor on the apron but he kicks a charging Nakamura in the head. Another kick to the head rocks Balor but he scores with a basement dropkick.

Reigns and Cena are back up again with Cena charging into a Samoa drop. The Superman Punch is countered with a ProtoBomb but the Shuffle is broken up with a Sling Blade. Balor hits the shotgun dropkick on Reigns but Nakamura kicks Balor in the face. Balor’s standing double stomp cuts off Kinshasa and Cena tosses Balor to get us down to three. Reigns slips out of an AA and hits the Superman Punch on Cena. The spear is cut off by the AA and Nakamura puts Cena on the apron.

A running kick to the face gets rid of Cena and we’re down to Nakamura vs. Reigns. That means COME ON and Reigns does so with a Superman Punch. Reigns sends him to the apron but gets kicked in the head but Nakamura grabs a hanging triangle over the apron. A powerbomb brings Nakamura back in and they’re both down again.

It’s Reigns up first but the spear is cut off with a kick to the face. A middle rope knee to the face drops Reigns but Kinshasa is hit with a spear to put them both down again. Nakamura grabs the ropes to hang on and another running knee drops Roman, setting up the elimination to give Nakamura the win at 65:32.

Rating: A. Best Rumble in years, though that’s not exactly saying much. The important thing here was they went with a popular name to win the Rumble, which has been lacking in recent years. Nakamura winning really surprised me as I never thought they would actually do it but I’ll take what I can get.

They laid the match out nicely here as things took a little time to get going but the final ten to fifteen minutes were excellent with the final six all being solid options. I wasn’t dreading this one at all and it made the match that much better. This was a lot of fun and the way the Rumble should go, with one of the best endings in a long time. Great match.

The Smackdown bosses are celebrating in the back when Stephanie McMahon and Kurt Angle come in to say Raw will win later. Daniel and Shane (buddies again) don’t seem to care.

Post match Nakamura is asked who he wants to face at Wrestlemania. Fans: “PLEASE SAY STYLES!” Nakamura: “AJ STYLES!”

There was a Royal Rumble to determine the next Colonel Sanders with Ric Flair winning. He has the wrinkles for it.

Raw Tag Team Titles: The Bar vs. Jason Jordan/Seth Rollins

Rollins and Jordan are defending with Seth and Sheamus starting things off. Seth gets driven into the corner with Cesaro offering a distraction to keep Jordan away from interfering. Jordan is ready for the hot tag but Cesaro pulls him down (I thought that was the heel turn) and posts him into near unconsciousness. Back in and Sheamus’ top rope clothesline gets two as the double beatdown is on, made especially worse by Seth’s long Rumble run.

Seth finally sends Sheamus into the post to get it back to even, followed by a Sling Blade and Blockbuster. Sheamus comes back in for the save but Rollins drops both of them for a double frog splash. As Seth gets up, Jordan is STILL sitting on the steps, leaving Sheamus to hit the Brogue Kick. The super White Noise gives us new champions at 13:03. Jordan was never in the match.

Rating: C-. This was an angle instead of a match and there’s nothing wrong with that. For some reason we seem to be waiting on Jordan vs. Rollins at Wrestlemania, even though that doesn’t quite blow my skirt up. The match was stuck in the cool down spot after the great Rumble and that was the right spot for it.

We recap the Raw World Title match. Basically you have three monsters fighting each other and breaking things to hurt each other, meaning it’s time to get violent.

Raw World Title: Brock Lesnar vs. Kane vs. Braun Strowman

Brock is defending and it’s one fall to a finish. Strowman wastes no time in cleaning house, including a hard knee to Brock’s head. That’s fine with Brock who starts throwing punches, only to have Kane score with a chokeslam. Brock grabs a chair but Braun punches it away and drops everyone.

Shots with the steps clean house and it’s time for a pair of tables. Strowman chokeslams Kane for two with Brock making the save and it’s time for Suplex City. Braun pops up like a daisy and powerslams Brock through a table with Kane making the save this time. Kane is tossed away again (it’s almost like he’s completely unnecessary in this match until the ending) and it’s time for the announcers’ table.

Braun takes too long though and it’s an F5 to drive him through instead. Brock turns the other table over Braun (Corey: “I’m about to throw this German guy in front of me!”) and F5’s Kane through another. Braun gets up again and sends Brock into the steps, followed by the powerslam. Kane makes the save and sends Braun outside, setting up an F5 onto the chair to retain Brock’s title at 10:12.

Rating: B-. Well duh. The world knows that Braun is ready to be World Champion and should have been like six months ago but Vince McMahon and seemingly Vince McMahon alone wants to see Reigns take the title from Brock. Again, as has been the case many, many times: none of this is important because we’re just sitting around waiting on Reigns to take the title like we’ve been waiting for for nearly a year now. After that, I have no idea where they go and I’m not sure WWE does either. This was fun, but exactly as expected.

Trailer for Andre the Giant’s HBO documentary.

We get a video on the women’s Royal Rumble with a focus on the Revolution (and Stephanie of course) with everyone talking about how important this is.

Maria Menunos is guest ring announcer and Stephanie McMahon is guest commentator, with Cole reading off her resume (and saying Stephanie will tell you about her trailblazing). Alexa Bliss and Charlotte come out to watch at ringside.

Women’s Royal Rumble

Sasha Banks (in Wonder Woman gear) is in at #1 and Becky Lynch is in at #2 to give us a good start. Becky blocks an early elimination attempt and we talk about how nervous Stephanie is. The Bank Statement is broken up and it’s a double clothesline as Sarah Logan is in at #3. Logan clotheslines Becky down but Sasha makes a questionable save. Becky gets stomped down in the corner and it’s Mandy Rose in at #4. Mandy can’t get rid of Sasha and it’s LITA in at #5.

Sasha and Becky aren’t sure what to do so they opt with kicking her in the stomach. Mandy jumps Lita from behind and gets placed on the apron, followed by a hard shot for the first elimination. Kairi Sane is in at #6 and chops Lita into the corner as Cole talks about her “yacht persona”. She’s not Ashley Remington (bet you didn’t think I knew that one) because SHE’S A FREAKING PIRATE! Sane kicks Sasha down and drops the Insane Elbow, followed by another to Becky as Tamina is in at #7.

Lita starts hitting the Twists of Fate and hits a double moonsault onto Sasha and Becky (more like her falling backwards instead of any kind of jump but give her a break). That means the YOU STILL GOT IT chant before she eliminates Tamina, only to get dumped by Becky. That’s all this needed to be from Lita and it worked to perfection. Dana Brooke is in at #8 and actually dumps Kairi before stomping on Sasha in the corner.

Torrie Wilson is in at #9 (oh give me a break) and it’s time to prove why she wasn’t a wrestler. Logan dropkicks her down but Torrie pops up and eliminates Dana. Sonya Deville is in at #10, giving us Banks, Lynch, Logan, Wilson and Deville. Sonya starts firing off knees and gets rid of Torrie (thank goodness). Liv Morgan is in at #11 so the Squad can start getting together. No one is tossed though and it’s Molly Holly in at #12.

Molly gets rid of Logan and hits the Molly Go Round on Sasha. Lana is in at #13 and is immediately taken down by Morgan and Deville. She actually gets fired up and slaps her way to freedom as Michelle McCool is in at #14. That means an UNDERTAKER chant as she gets rid of Logan, Morgan and Holly. Sasha and Becky are down on the floor (not eliminated) as Michelle gets rid of Lana as well. With Michelle alone, Becky and Sasha get back in and it’s Ruby Riott at #15, giving us Michelle, Becky, Sasha and Ruby.

Vickie Guerrero is in at #16 and shouts EXCUSE ME over and over but everyone stares her down. She tries to bail and is tossed with ease (I guessed that as a comedy spot and it’s as perfect as I thought it would be). Carmella is in at #17 but Vickie takes the Money in the Bank briefcase to knock her silly. Natalya is in at #18 and throws her gear on Carmella, who pulls Natalya off the apron. That’s enough for Carmella to get in for some superkicks and it’s Kelly Kelly in at #19. Kelly fends off an early elimination as Natalya gets rid of McCool.

Naomi is in at #20, giving us Banks, Lynch, Riott, Carmella, Natalya, Kelly and Naomi at the moment. Becky goes up for some reason and gets dumped by Riott. Jacqueline is in at #21 and goes after Kelly. Nia Jax is in at #22, meaning it’s time to clear the ring. Jacqueline is out first, followed by Kelly with ease. Natalya is sent outside (through the ropes), leaving Nia to press Riott onto the top turnbuckle and then out to the floor. Naomi goes after Nia’s legs but tries a hurricanrana.

Nia knocks her off the apron but the pile catches her, allowing Naomi to land on the barricade. NXT Women’s Champion (with a bad arm) is in at #23 with a springboard kick to Nia’s face. Nia sends her flying as Naomi is walking across the barricade to steal Maria’s chair on wheels. She then crawls across the floor using her hands and the wheels on the chair….only to have Nia catch her coming back in and toss her out. I smiled at the irony. Beth Phoenix is in at #24 and this could be a lot of fun.

Phoenix is a lot closer to Nia’s size than I expected and manages a fireman’s carry but can’t eliminate Nia. Natalya’s help doesn’t work very well as they knock Nia through the ropes. That means a hug and of course Natalya turns on her and gets rid of Beth. Carmella (never eliminated) comes back in to jump Natalya from behind….and it’s Asuka at #25. There’s the hip attack to Carmella and it’s time for the showdown with Ember Moon.

Ember actually hits a one armed Eclipse but Asuka goes after the bad arm and gets rid of her. Sasha (also never eliminated) gets back in and it’s Mickie James in at #26. That goes nowhere and it’s Nikki Bella getting lucky #27 (well duh). That means the JOHN CENA SUCKS song but Carmella takes Nikki into the corner for the Staten Island Shuffle (not the Moon Walk Stephanie). Nikki powers her up though and a neck snap across the top rope gets rid of Carmella.

Brie Bella is in at #28 to save her sister from a big beatdown. The Bellas get their big moment (their latest one for those of you who have lost track) and knock Nia off the apron. A double suplex puts Natalya down and it’s Bayley in at #29. Asuka kicks Bayley in the head in short order but can’t get rid of her. It’s Trish Stratus in at #30 (not exactly shocking and that’s not a bad thing) to give us a final group of Sasha, Natalya, Nia, Asuka, Mickie, Nikki, Brie, Bayley and Trish.

Stratus gets to clean house and hits a double Stratusfaction before getting into a showdown with Mickie. James misses a charge and gets tossed, meaning it’s time for everyone to go after Nia. She shrugs them all off but the Bellas choke her on the ropes, allowing everyone else to join in and get rid of Nia. Sasha of course turns on Bayley for the elimination and we’re down to six.

Natalya puts Trish in the Sharpshooter for some reason and is broken up just as quickly. The Chick Kick eliminates Natalya but Trish mocks Sasha’s Boss pose, meaning the Stratusfaction is broken up to get rid of Stratus. Sasha turns around to meet Asuka but they decide to get rid of the Bellas….for all of three seconds until Sasha decks Asuka from behind. Sasha calls the Bellas off so she can beat on Asuka in the corner but the Twins dump her out as she tries the double knees.

So we’re down to the Bellas and Asuka and it’s time for the YES Kicks to both Twins (there’s a joke there that I’m not touching). Brie gets sent to the apron but Nikki decks Asuka, followed by the Rack Attack 2.0. Nikki decks Brie to get rid of her though and it’s down to two. Asuka is on the apron and hits a missile dropkick but Nikki’s spinning middle rope kick catches her in the face. Nikki puts her on the apron for the big forearm….which doesn’t end it. Instead Asuka grabs a headscissors to put Nikki on the apron but Asuka kicks kicks her in the leg for the elimination to win at 58:47.

Rating: B. I know a lot of people are going to be annoyed about the amount of legends (and the amount of botches) in there but my goodness what else were you expecting? The women’s division is about twenty people deep and I’d rather have people like McCool, Lita and Trish in there to give us either a good performance or appearances from people who are legitimate trailblazers (not McCool obviously but she did quite well). I was surprised by the lack of NXT names but what we got was fine, save for the Iconic Duo still not appearing.

The match itself was fine, albeit a bit predictable. You knew Asuka was the heavy favorite and really, it’s not like there were many other solid options. Aside from Jax, who really else was there? Banks or Lynch? Well maybe, but Asuka getting the title needs to be a big deal and one of those two can take the other title. Either way…..uh, back in a minute.

Oh and Stephanie’s commentary was annoying but acceptable. She didn’t need to be there and added nothing at all but she could have been worse. Sounded very much like a fan who wasn’t the most polished but it was fine.

Overall Rating: A-. I loved the heck out of this show as they made the Rumbles FUN. That’s been sorely, sorely lacking in recent years and they made up for it tonight. The Rumbles are interesting by definition but above all else, these matches were a good time as I kept waiting to see who was coming out next. I was actually worried about Reigns and Nikki winning so well done on some false drama. This did everything it needed to do, including setting up a major Wrestlemania match. I had a great time with this show and that’s what the Rumble is supposed to be. Well done all around and a great show.

Results

AJ Styles b. Sami Zayn/Kevin Owens – Rollup to Owens

Usos b. Chad Gable/Jason Jordan – Small package to Benjamin

Shinsuke Nakamura won the Royal Rumble last eliminating Roman Reigns

The Bar b. Seth Rollins/Jason Jordan – Super White Noise to Rollins

Brock Lesnar b. Kane and Braun Strowman – F5 to Kane

Asuka won the Royal Rumble last eliminating Nikki Bella

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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Monday Night Raw
Date: August 7, 2006
Location: FedEx Forum, Memphis, Tennessee
Attendance: 10,000
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We’re coming up on Summerslam but this week’s show is going to be interesting in a bad way. The roster is fresh off of an Australia tour so there is a good chance that they are going to be absolutely spent. I certainly can’t blame them for that, but it can make for a dull show. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

The opening recap looks at Umaga beating down Shawn Michaels last week to set up Umaga vs. HHH this week.

We look at Graceland to start….and now it’s Vince and Shane McMahon in Elvis suits. Shane talks about leaving Shawn all shook up last week and HHH was dancing to the jailhouse rock last week because of those cigars. Shawn even wound up at the heartbreak hotel because of a hunka-hunka burning Shane.

Vince says he’s going to be cruel tonight when HHH faces Umaga. Shane: “You ain’t nothing but a hound dog.” Vince: “I wanna thank you very much Elvis.” Vince likes Shane’s look, but everyone needs to know something: Elvis has left the building. This was AMAZING and needs to be seen (though pesky music rights mean it’s not on the Network).

Opening sequence.

Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Mickie James

James is defending….for about four seconds as Edge and Lita interrupt before they can even lock up. Edge says this match is over and he’s taking over Raw. So much for that.

Edge tells Trish to stay because she needs to hear this. It’s not fair that he has to defend the title against John Cena in Cena’s hometown of Boston and if he is disqualified, he loses the title. So NO, it isn’t fair that he has to put up with more than anyone in this company. Edge demands the Summerslam poster be put on screen, which features DX, John Cena, Trish and Batista (Edge: “You have to get him on there before he gets injured again.”).

There’s no Edge, but he has a makeup picture because he can be on the cover of Raw Magazine. It’s a blonde from Toronto who looks like a million bucks and…..of course it’s Trish in rather limited clothing. Edge doesn’t like being bumped by someone who hasn’t won a match in over a year. Lita gets in Trish’s face and backs her into the corner but Trish comes out slapping. That’s broken up by Edge so Lita spears Trish down. Cue Carlito for the save but Edge spears him down, likely meaning a mixed tag later.

There is a one hour Diva Search special coming. Nope. This isn’t on the Network.

Kane vs. Shelton Benjamin

The winner gets Johnny Nitro, on commentary with Melina, for the Intercontinental Title. Shelton strikes away to start with little success as Kane grabs him by the throat. Kane takes him into the corner for some right hands, followed by a running clothesline. There’s the side slam but Shelton counters the chokeslam with a DDT. The second attempt works just fine though and Benjamin is done in a hurry.

Video on the Australia tour. This wasn’t on the Network either. Must be a music thing.

Here’s John Cena for a chat. He doesn’t get this Edge guy. Edge is always talking about respect, but he’s already the WWE Champion. Maybe he isn’t on the Summerslam poster because his face scared children. Apparently Edge has a 7-11 deal going and Lita is a part of it. Imagine: Slurpees for Herpes! Cena: “You can’t stop it. You can only suppress it.” Cena has a consolation prize though: Edge can be on the cover of Crying B**** Illustrated.

That’s enough fun though because Edge needs to get out here right now. Cue Jonathan Coachman instead though and Cena isn’t happy. Coach says Edge isn’t out here tonight because he and Lita are teaming up against Carlito and Trish Stratus. If Cena wants to fight though, Coach has an opponent ready for him.

John Cena vs. Viscera

Joined in progress with Viscera hitting the snap spinwheel kick to put Cena down. Viscera hits the big running splash in the corner to put Cena on the floor. That’s good for two back inside but Cena slugs away with the right hands. The slam goes rather badly though and Cena has to kick out again. The chinlock goes on but Cena fights up again and slugs away, setting up the Throwback. Cena tries the Shuffle but is quickly countered into the Boss Man Slam. Viscera misses the splash though and Cena hits the FU (those legs were SHAKING) for the quick pin.

Rating: D+. I know Cena might not be the most popular guy in the world, but being able to throw someone the size of Viscera onto his shoulders and flip him over (without his legs buckling) is one of the most impressive things you’ll see in wrestling. That is raw power and Cena looks like a superhero when he gets to showcase it. The whole match was just there for the ending and that worked fine.

This Week In Wrestling History: Showdown At Shea 1980. Zbyszko vs. Sammartino isn’t mentioned for some reason.

Vince and Shane McMahon are with the security guards but Shane has to go take care of something.

Trish Stratus is freaking out with Carlito, who she kisses to blow off some steam.

Shane goes looking for Shawn Michaels but finds the Highlanders, Candice Michelle and Torrie Wilson, but no Shawn. Instead he heads back to the locker room but Shawn jumps him from behind. The beatdown is on, with Shawn hitting a cop by mistake to get himself arrested, leaving HHH on his own tonight against Umaga. Dang that’s a coincidence.

Edge/Lita vs. Carlito/Trish Stratus

Carlito slugs away at Edge to start but gets sent face first into the middle turnbuckle. Some running clotheslines put Edge down though and it’s off to the women for a change. Trish takes Lita down to hammer away but Edge breaks up the Stratusphere. The chinlock goes on and a hair pull sends Trish right back down. Lita sends her face first into the mat but Trish is back up with the spinning headscissors. Everything breaks down and a double dropkick puts Edge and Lita on the floor as we take a break.

Back with Edge chinlocking Carlito until Edge sends him outside. That means Lita can get some shots before Edge brings him back inside for a double arm crank. Carlito jawbreaks his way to freedom though and it’s the springboard elbow to put Edge down. The hot tag brings in Trish to beat up Lita, including countering the Twist of Fate into a spinebuster for two. Everything breaks down and Edge’s spear hits Trish, earning himself a trip to the floor. Ever the opportunist, Lita steals the pin.

Rating: C. You can only get so much out of a mixed tag and that was the case again here. They had two matches going at once with the tags bridging them together, which doesn’t make for much of a match. Lita pinning Trish worked fine enough, but you could think the World Champion pinning Carlito would be a little more acceptable.

Smackdown Rebound.

Randy Orton isn’t impressed by Hulk Hogan having a torn meniscus because it’s just a way for him to get out of their Summerslam match.

Here’s Ric Flair, carrying a copy of Foley Is Good (Mick Foley’s second book). Flair talks about being from Memphis before saying he has spent ten years trying to figure out what makes Mick Foley tick. Everyone told him to read his second book, which was a look inside Foley’s head. Flair drops the book and stomps on it, followed by a knee drop for good measure.

That’s what Flair thinks of the book, except for one page. On Page 169, Foley lists his favorite matches, with his favorite being Terry Funk vs. Ric Flair. Foley knows he can’t beat Flair, but here’s Foley to say Flair has found out the secret. Yes the I Quit match with Funk was the greatest match he has ever seen and he can never be as good as Flair. Then they can have a classic at Summerslam and get Flair back to the top of the mountain where he deserved.

But that isn’t going to happen, because Flair didn’t help Foley back in 1994. Flair could have done something for his career but didn’t. Foley has made a vow to never do anything to help Flair in his life, so at Summerslam, Flair and Vince McMahon are invited to kiss his a** because the match isn’t happening.

Flair tells Foley to be a man one more time in his life because they can have the greatest hardcore match anyone has ever seen. He literally gets on his knees to beg Foley to make the match happen so Foley rants about Melina being embarrassed last week and wants an I Quit match at Summerslam. Flair gives it a WOO, but Foley says cut the music. After a career of great matches, Summerslam may be Flair’s greatest ever, but it may also be his last. Not as good as their previous stuff, but it kept things moving forward.

Randy Orton vs. Jerry Lawler

Lawler is in the all white and scores with the early slap to the face. An Irish whip sends Lawler into the ropes but he’s back with another slap. Orton rakes the eyes and dropkicks him down though, setting up the chinlock. That’s broken up and Lawler punches him down, only to miss the middle rope fist drop. The RKO doesn’t work so Orton kicks him low, setting up the RKO for the fast pin. This was just a step above nothing.

Jeff Hardy is coming back.

The Diva Search girls come out, Eric is eliminated and it’s time for Diss the Diva. Well in a minute maybe.

Summerslam rundown.

The Diva Search girls play Diss the Diva, no one likes anyone, and we’re done.

For some reason, the Hardy vignette, the pay per view rundown and both Diva Search segments are missing from the Network version.

HHH vs. Umaga

The McMahons and Armando Alejandro Estrada are here too. They slug it out to start with Umaga cutting him off with a headbutt. A low bridge puts Umaga on the floor though and a posting rocks him again. Back in and a spinwheel kick cuts HHH down without much trouble, meaning Umaga can sit on his chest. There’s the running headbutt in the Tree of Woe, followed by the running hip attack for a bonus.

Umaga headbutts the mat by mistake so HHH slugs away but has to deal with the McMahons. A missed charge sends Umaga into the corner but the Pedigree is broken up. The spinebuster gives HHH two as Vince pulls the referee out, meaning it’s time to beat up the McMahons. That’s enough of a distraction for Umaga to hit the Samoan Spike for the pin.

Rating: C-. Much like last week, this was all about advancing DX vs. the McMahon, but it also made Umaga look like a much bigger deal in a hurry. This was HHH walking Umaga through the match and letting him do his thing, which worked out well enough. Not a great match, but they did what they needed to do.

Post match, Umaga leaves the McMahons with HHH, allowing Vince to hit his own Pedigree to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. Most of the Summerslam card, or at least the top of it, is all set now and that makes some of the TV shows a little slow to watch. This one was acceptable enough though and you can see most of the matches already. I’m looking forward to the pay per view, but it’s a good thing that next week is the go home show as there isn’t much left to do for the show.

 

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Monday Night Raw
Date: July 31, 2006
Location: Continental Airlines Arena, East Rutherford, New Jersey
Attendance: 17,401
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

Things are back to normal this week as HHH is back from the hospital after Stephanie McMahon gave birth. We’re on the road to Summerslam with about three weeks left and that means it’s time to start setting up some of the card. You can probably guess some of it from here but we still need some official announcements. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Here are Vince and Shane McMahon to open things up. Vince says you can’t get the smiles off of their faces because his baby girl had a baby girl. His granddaughter is already more wealthy than anyone here and the celebration will keep going through Summerslam. That’s because the two of them will be facing D-Generation X at Summerslam. DX’s music starts….and then shuts off almost immediately. Shane mentions Shawn Michaels vs. Umaga tonight….and the music starts again, only to cut off even faster.

Then it plays for real as DX comes out, with Shawn giving Vince and Shane some Jewish greetings. HHH: “Uh, we’re not Jewish.” With that out of the way, Shawn talks about HHH being in the hospital room with Stephanie last week and he has the entire McMahon family photo album. First up is the first known photo of Vince, but please forgive the photography because these pre-Civil War photos don’t hold up well. It’s baby Vince (with the adult face) and an I HEART ROOSTERS shirt.

Shane’s first photo features a silver spoon in his mouth, with Shawn saying Shane jumped on the doctor’s table and started dancing with his umbilical cord. There’s one more, and that is of course a photo of the newest member of the McMahon Family. It’s HHH, with Shawn not being able to put his finger on who it is. Shane: “At Summerslam, we’re going to be changing your diapers.” HHH: “Did you just say you’re going to change our diapers?” HHH has some advice for Vince’s granddaughter’s nutritional health: SUCK IT.

We hear from the Diva Search girls, as they say who they want to send home. They’re going one at a time throughout the night, because we’re just that lucky.

Intercontinental Title: Johnny Nitro vs. Carlito vs. Shelton Benjamin

Nitro, with Melina, is defending. Carlito breaks up Nitro’s rather lengthy entrance but Benjamin takes the two of them down and we go to an early break. Back with Nitro missing a running shooting star press, allowing Carlito to sunset flip Benjamin for two. Nitro gets knocked down so Carlito hammers away on Benjamin. There’s a hurricanrana to send Benjamin outside but he comes back in with a DDT to Carlito. Melina puts the foot on the ropes for the save so Shelton yells at her, allowing Nitro to roll Carlito up with tights to retain.

Rating: C. The action was good while it lasted but they only had so much time given the commercial. Nitro escaping with the title works well enough as Melina is a great way to keep the title on him. Carlito looked fired up here too, which isn’t something you get to see all that often.

Here’s Randy Orton for a chat. He has had a big career, and that includes his own reality show: Orton Knows Best. Orton brings out the rest of the cast: Nick, Brooke, Linda and Hulk himself, all of whom are a bit over the top with the parodies. Nick wants to be a wrestler like his old man, so Orton says he’ll have to get used to this, with Orton sending him to the floor.

Orton hits on Brooke so Hulk hits the catchphrases and posing. Orton knows he’s the over protective father and says he can kiss his career goodbye at Summerslam. For now though, he has another kiss in mind and kisses Brooke. The RKO lays Hulk out but Orton isn’t done, as he heads to the floor to slap Jerry Lawler for helping Hogan last week.

Armando Alejandro Estrada offers Vince and Shane a congratulatory cigar and has more boxes in his car. He’s off to get them, with Vince and Shane approving.

Lawler isn’t happy with what Orton did and wants to face him next week in Memphis, Tennessee. Just don’t expect a wrestling match.

Trish Stratus/Candice Michelle vs. Mickie James/Victoria

Torrie Wilson is guest referee. Victoria knocks Candice down to start but Candice cranks on her arm. That just earns her a knee to the face as JR talks about fishing. Mickie comes in for an exchange of forearms and a lot of shouting as Lawler is too busy talking about Orton to make horrible comments. Victoria gets crotched on top and the hot tag brings in Trish to clean house. A kick to the chest sends Victoria to the floor and Trish powerbombs Mickie to counter a hurricanrana out of the corner. Stratusfaction hits Mickie and Candice dropkicks Victoria to the floor as Trish gets the pin.

Rating: D+. Run of the mill women’s tag here with Torrie only there for the sake of promoting her appearance in FHM. It was rather striking how much easier this was to watch without Lawler’s usual antics though and that’s a rather nice change of pace. Not their worst effort either, with some of the better in-ring women out there this time.

Mick Foley congratulates Johnny Nitro and Melina on their win. Foley is a little anxious about being on the show for the first time in six weeks, so he asks Melina to come to the ring with him.

Melina introduces Foley, who says he is going to give the fans what they want: Foley and Ric Flair in the ring tonight…..going after the Tag Team Titles! Ok so that’s ridiculous, but they do have some similarities. They both like to take young wrestlers under their wing. Flair did it with Randy Orton in Evolution and Foley did the same thing with Melina. They both have famous friends too. Flair is a personal friend of the President of the United States while Foley is a personal friend of adult film star Christy Canyon. One of their friends made it to the top by screwing a lot of people, and the other is in adult films.

Foley has been on the front page of USA Today twice and has been interviewed by Katie Couric twice. Flair makes headlines for road rage incidents. Cue Flair, who says Foley needs to keep his mouth shut. Flair says the two of them are ready to go and this isn’t about Foley’s book. They’re booing Alex Rodriguez in New York and the people here are booing Foley because he’s lazy. Foley has been talking about the “imaginary bada****” that Flair has faced, sending Flair into a rant about Bruiser Brody, Stan Hansen and Harley Race, who would walk over Foley on their way to the bathroom.

Flair wants Foley with thumbtacks, ladders and barbed wire because he wants Foley’s blood. Flair rolls across the ring and says he wants whatever Cactus Jack has. Then you have Foley talking about his wife and kids while he’s running around with Melina. She’s the kind of woman who would be Space Mountainized fifteen years ago. Foley says Flair sees Melina as a conquest but he sees kindness in her eyes. And no, Foley isn’t going to take family advice from someone who has been married three times.

Foley talks about a fourteen hour flight with Flair from Manila where they talked about family. Flair called all four of his kids because you never know when you might not get to talk to them again. That’s a great relationship, but Foley will never have to tell his kids that he has been arrested. Flair punches him in the face but here’s Jonathan Coachman to say Vince McMahon has made the match for Summerslam.

Foley says not so fast, because his contract says he wrestles when he wants, where he wants, and he isn’t wasting one of his remaining matches on Flair. This was rather intense with Flair reaching levels he hasn’t touched in a long time and Foley doing his mind games and personal insults perfectly. The Melina addition is a little weird, but you could feel the personal animosity here.

Edge vs. John Cena is confirmed for Summerslam and if Edge gets disqualified, he loses the title.

John Cena vs. Matt Striker

Before the match, Striker says Cena damages the English language by calling his fans homies. Edge and Lita come out to join commentary as the STFU finishes in about a minute.

Rory McCallister vs. Johnny

Everyone else is at ringside. Rory grabs a headlock to start but gets shoved away, with Mitch throwing in the megaphone. The referee takes it away from Johnny and uses it to eject the Spirit Squad in a cute moment. Rory hammers away but gets slammed head first into the mat for his efforts. The headlock doesn’t last long on Rory, who slugs away and hits some ax handles to the chest. Johnny kicks him down but Rory grabs a quick small package for the pin.

Rating: D+. So the Squad loses the title match the previous week and then they start building up the team? I could go for a rematch after the first one had a screwy ending, but at least they seem to have a little something going. It’s not like the Squad has anyone coming after the titles outside of the Highlanders.

Here are the Diva Search girls so Rebecca can be eliminated.

We look at the Wrestlemania XXIII press conference.

DX is in their locker room when some investigators come in to say they have a reason to believe HHH has some illegal substances. They find the Cuban cigars and he’ll have to go downtown. Vince and Shane find this rather amusing.

Shawn Michaels vs. Umaga

Armando Alejandro Estrada is here with Umaga. Shawn slugs away to start and hammers away in the corner to little avail. Umaga gets annoyed so Shawn slides between his legs to the floor as the McMahons come out. We take a break and come back with Umaga hitting a running headbutt, followed by a kick to the face to put Shawn on the floor. Back in and Umaga stomps away in the corner before hitting the neck crank.

Shawn fights up as expected and chops away until the running forearm puts Umaga down. There’s the nip up so Estrada gets on the apron, only to be knocked down by Umaga. The pop up Samoan drop crushes Shawn though and Vince gets on the apron for some motivation. That’s enough for Shawn to hit a low blow but Vince grabs the leg to break up Sweet Chin Music. Shawn takes out Shane but the distraction lets Umaga hit the Spike for the pin.

Rating: C. Shawn can have this kind of match in his sleep and knows exactly how to face off with a monster like Umaga. The match was full of shenanigans of course and Shawn doesn’t lose much by getting pinned, but Umaga got a lot out of the win and that’s what matters. They’re building him up and if that’s what DX is good for in this run, so be it.

Post match the McMahons beat Shawn down, including a superkick to send a chair into his face. Vince makes HHH vs. Umaga for next week to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. This was a show where the wrestling wasn’t the focus as they built some things up for the future in a hurry. The McMahons having Umaga as their ace in the hole is the best thing that has happened to the story in a long time and we have the top part of the Summerslam card set. That’s a pretty efficient show and I could go for more of them like this in the future.

 

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Monday Night Raw
Date: July 24, 2006
Location: Quicken Loans Arena, Cleveland, Ohio
Attendance: 12,000
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We’re on the way to Summerslam and that means it’s time to start cranking up the build towards the show. You can guess where a lot of the card is going but they still need to hammer home some of the details. That can be quite the tricky situation but hopefully they can figure it out. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Here’s Shawn Michaels (and only Shawn, as Stephanie McMahon went into labor earlier in the day so the McMahons and HHH are a little busy) to get things going. A few weeks ago, he and HHH said that Stephanie McMahon had gone into labor and that was a lie. After a quick chat with God, Shawn says that life imitates art because Stephanie is currently in a hospital in Connecticut giving birth. As good family, Vince and Shane are at her side but HHH is at the hospital as well. Now between you and me, Shawn thinks HHH knows who the father is.

Cue Jonathan Coachman, on the phone with Vince, to interrupt. Vince has decided that Shawn won’t be running amuck tonight because the Coach is in charge. Shawn takes the phone and has Cleveland give Shawn two words. Shawn: “No sir they didn’t say that. They said hi!”

Shawn gives Vince some Lamaze lessons and then hands the phone to Coach because Vince is rather annoyed. Coach hangs up and Shawn asks if Vince asked about him. It turns out that Vince has made a match tonight with Shawn vs…..Coach himself. Shawn pauses and then bursts out laughing needing Coach to hold him up. A pause sets up more laughter and Shawn falls to the mat in hysterics. They had to throw this together at the last minute so this was as good of a plan as they could think of.

We look back at Randy Orton attacking Hulk Hogan at Saturday Night’s Main Event.

Lilian Garcia is back so we look at Viscera attacking her two weeks ago.

Tag Team Titles: Spirit Squad vs. Highlanders

The Highlanders are challenging. Kenny sends Rory (not Robbie JR/Lawler) into the buckle and it goes rather badly. Everything breaks down in a hurry with the Highlanders getting in some right hands in the corner. Rory is sent outside and it’s Robbie in trouble until he neckbreakers his way to freedom. It’s off to Rory to clean house but a distraction lets the rest of the team break up the Scot Drop. Kenny Rolls the Dice to finish Rory and retain the titles.

Rating: D. Well that was necessary. They bring the Highlanders in, give them some nothing wins, and then have the Squad beat them in about three minutes. It might not be the end of the team, but were they that bad that you needed to have them lose so soon? Nothing match due to the time, but man that’s a fast defeat after bringing them in.

Mick Foley joins us from WWE Studios and can’t believe that Ric Flair called him “fat boy” last week. It hurt then and it hurt thirty years ago when Foley’s brother used it on him. Flair uses a fourth grade insult because he has nothing left and is nothing but a second rate circus sideshow. What has become of Flair? Now all he is doing is attacking innocent women, one of whom happens to be a friend of Foley’s. He’ll see Flair next Monday.

This week in wrestling history: Great American Bash 1989. Yep that works.

Here’s Ric Flair for a chat. Flair talks about the clip we just saw, which featured him beating up Foley’s mentor Terry Funk. Now all Flair wants is Foley in a match in any arena in this country. Cue Edge and Lita to say that Edge is the man now….and here’s Johnny Nitro to jump Flair from behind. The double teaming is on but John Cena runs in for the save.

Carlito hits on Trish Stratus and they’ll be hanging out after the match.

Coach is on the phone with Vince McMahon to try and get out of the match but Edge and Lita come in to rant about what just happened. Vince has a solution: Edge/Nitro vs. Cena/Flair tonight.

We get an official announcement that Stephanie has given birth to a girl named Aurora Rose.

Shelton Benjamin vs. Carlito

For the #1 contendership to the Intercontinental Title, which Carlito beat Shelton for last week. Carlito grabs some early rollups for near falls to start and a quick dropkick gets two. Benjamin is sent to the apron but pulls Carlito over the top by the arm to take over. Back in and a DDT on the arm sets up an armbar to stay on the shoulder.

Carlito fights up and hits a hurricanrana to head up top, only to dive into a Fujiwara armbar. The rope gives Carlito the break and he counters a powerbomb into a sunset flip for two. The Backstabber connects for two as Shelton gets his foot on the rope. With nothing else working, Carlito takes the turnbuckle pad off so the referee goes to yell. Shelton uses the distraction to get in a low blow for the pin and the title shot.

Rating: C-. They had a little more time here though this would seem to be setting up a triple threat for the title at Summerslam. If that’s the case, I’ve heard of far worse ideas than putting these two with Nitro on a big stage for a title. It could work out well for all three and WWE could benefit from pushing younger stars for the Intercontinental Title.

We look at the Diva Dance Off from Smackdown.

Here’s Hulk Hogan (the greatest sports entertainment attraction of all time according to JR) and the ovation takes a rather good while, with the song starting over. Hulk talks about how crazy these Cleveland fans are but he knows that Randy Orton is crazy too. This wouldn’t even be the first time that he has dealt with the Orton family. Back in the 80s, Hogan dealt with Randy’s dad Bob.

When the blood was shed, there was respect on both sides. Now Hogan has to deal with Randy, who comes out to cut Hogan off. Randy is here to talk about Brooke Hogan and yes there was chemistry there. You could see it, even with Hulk’s fading eyesight. He and Brooke talked for at least five or ten minutes before Hulk showed up.

Brooke told him how handsome he was and how she loved the color of his eyes. The only bad thing is that Brooke is going to have to see her father’s legend killed. Hulk is ready to fight right now so Orton heads to ringside but takes his time. Hogan knocks him off the apron and into Jerry Lawler, who throws Orton inside for some right hands. Orton bails from the threat of the big boot. Nice little tease of the match here.

Mickie James vs. Candice Michelle

Non-title. Mickie kicks away for an early two and the chinlock goes on. Lawler makes his usual jokes as Mickie gets in the shoulders to the ribs. Candice is back with the figure four neck lock over the ropes, only to have Mickie roll through a high crossbody and grab trunks (or something close to them) for the fast pin.

Jerry Lawler threw out the first pitch at an Indians game.

Shawn Michaels vs. Jonathan Coachman

Shawn’s pyro is missing so he blames Coach. The bell rings so hang on a second as Shawn rolls outside to grab a skullcap. Coach nearly loses his pants and there’s the forearm into a nip up. The atomic drop sets up the top rope elbow….and here’s most of the Spirit Squad. Shawn dispatches them in a hurry so Sweet Chin Music drops the coach. Cue Umaga to jump Shawn for the DQ. This was an angle instead of a match but it worked fine.

Post match Umaga hits Shawn with the Samoan Spike to leave him laying as DX might have to sweat a bit for the first time in a few months.

John Cena thinks Maria is a little confused. Yes she’s beautiful, but sometimes he thinks she ate paint chips when she was a kid. Then sometimes he looks at her and thinks about things he only see in Penthouse Forum and….where was he going with this again? Anyway the show is being run by a phone tonight because Stephanie had a baby (Cena: “And HHH might have an inside track on knowing who the father is. He knows somebody or something.”). Then you have Edge, who is really rated PG-13 and Lita is rated NC-17 (Cena: “No Cold Sores In 17 Days!”).

Then there is Johnny Nitro, who is named after a natural gas and I’ll let you figure out the jokes yourself. Then you have the Legend Killer trying to put the moves on the legend’s daughter (Cena: “And I can’t blame him.”) but remember: Hogan Knows Best. Cena runs down the rest of the midcard and says that the big point is so clear even Maria can understand it: his partner is Ric Flair and they get to beat up Edge. Cena tells Maria to call him to wrap up a rather all over the place promo. Again though: the show was rewritten in a hurry so maybe he was told to just go fill time.

It’s time for the Diva Search elimination with Maryse being eliminated. I’m sure we’ll never see her again. This Friday: it’s musical chairs, with Miz nearly cracking up at the idea.

John Cena/Ric Flair vs. Edge/Johnny Nitro

Flair and Nitro lock up to start with Nitro getting smart by going to the eye. Everything breaks down in a hurry with the villains being cleared out as we take a break. Back with Cena getting beaten down with Edge getting in a little dance. Cena fights out and gets over to Flair for the tag as the pace picks up. The Figure Four goes on Nitro but Edge makes the save and hits the spear.

Nitro grabs a neckbreaker to send Flair outside but he’s back in with the chops. A clothesline takes Flair down though and he is knocked outside again to keep up the beating. Back in and Edge gets chopped out of the air, allowing the hot tag to Cena so house can be cleaned. Lita offers a distraction though so a chair to the back can give Nitro two. Cena is fine enough to grab the STFU to make Nitro tap.

Rating: C. Just a run of the mill main event tag here and that’s fine. I know the Intercontinental Champion had to tap out but it’s not like Nitro is anywhere near Cena’s level at this point. They’re still teasing Cena FINALLY getting his hands on Edge and I think you know where this whole thing is going. Not a great match or anything, but for a one off main event, it worked well.

Cena and Edge yell at each other a lot to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. They didn’t have much to offer here but it worked out well enough all things considered. Again though, how much can you really complain about when the show is thrown out of wack due to Stephanie having a baby? There is still time to set up Summerslam and it’s not like you can’t see the card from here anyway. Not a very good show, but it didn’t need to be this week.

 

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Monday Night Raw
Date: July 17, 2006
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We’re done with Saturday Night’s Main Event and as a result, absolutely nothing has changed. Therefore, it’s time to get ready for Summerslam and John Cena challenging Edge for the Raw World Title seems to be a likely choice. That is the kind of match that deserves the big stage and hopefully that’s exactly what it gets. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

D-Generation X joins us with a special message: a video recapping them being mean to Vince McMahon over the last few weeks. It’s not much funnier in a big video package either.

Here’s DX, featuring hometown boy Shawn Michaels, for a chat. Actually we make that a discussion of which shirt they are supposed to be wearing tonight. HHH thought they were wearing the old one, available at the merchandise stands and WWEShop.com. Michaels thinks it’s the new one, which is also available at the merchandise stands and WWEShop.com, though he has to read his locations off his wrist. HHH: “Easy there Miz.”

With the important stuff out of the way, Shawn has heard that Vince McMahon is kind of mad at them but they aren’t sure why. HHH takes a quick poll of the audience about whether or not they should stop. HHH: “Now come on Shane. Uh, Shawn. It’s live TV give me a break.” Besides, there’s no way the people here, in Shawn’s hometown of San Antonio, Texas, would want to see DX face the McMahons in a tag match tonight.

The fans disagree so HHH thinks we should make the match. Cue the McMahons, with Vince calling DX a bunch of degenerate juvenile delinquents. Vince says tonight, we’ll have Shawn vs. Shane, which seems to take the latter by surprise. Shane didn’t like Shawn’s impression, because he DOES NOT dance around like a midget on crack. Tonight, instead of the Alamo, these people will remember Shane beating Shawn 1-2-3. The DX plugs are always worth a chuckle.

Carlito vs. Shelton Benjamin

The winner gets a future Intercontinental Title show (or Cruiserweight Title shot according to the introductions). Shelton headlocks him down to start and the armbar is on in a hurry. That’s reversed into an exchange of rollups for two each before Shelton kicks him in the face for two. The chinlock is on in a hurry and Shelton switches to right hands and choking like a villain should.

It’s off to a sleeper, which is broken up in a hurry so Carlito can hit a clothesline. A springboard back elbow gives Carlito two but the Backstabber is countered. Shelton grabs a cradle but can’t reach the rope. Instead, Carlito reverses into one of his own and successfully grabs the rope for the pin and the title shot.

Rating: D+. Nothing to see in this one and the ending was hardly in doubt after Carlito beat Nitro in the mixed tag on Saturday. There was no need to do anything tricky here and going with Carlito as the next challenger makes as much sense as anyone else. You can always use some fresh stars so pushing someone as a new face is worth a shot.

We look back at John Cena beating Edge via DQ on Saturday, though he did put Edge through the announcers’ table to continue the feud.

Trish Stratus hits on Carlito, who declares that cool.

This Week In Wrestling History: The Brawl To End It All. Yeah that was pretty big.

Trish Stratus/Torrie Wilson vs. Mickie James/Victoria

Candice Michelle is guest referee for obvious reasons. Mickie drops Torrie in a hurry and Trish has to be held back to break up some interference. Victoria’s dancing moonsault takes too long to set up though and it’s off to Trish to take over. Victoria whips Mickie into the corner but misses Trish, only to have Mickie break up the Stratusphere. Candice doesn’t like the interference and throws Mickie outside, leaving Trish to hit Stratusfaction for the pin on Victoria. Short match with an obvious point.

Armando Alejandro Estrada isn’t worried about Umaga facing John Cena tonight. Umaga has no comment on the subject, though he does shout after Estrada hits his catchphrases.

Mick Foley joins us from WWE Studios and yes, this is the shirt he wore when he was interviewed by Katie Couric. For now though, Foley wants to talk about Ric Flair, who remembers beating Foley two straight falls at Vengeance. Foley remembers it as Flair being left bloody and broke, which was Foley’s plan all along. That’s why Flair is getting no rematch, as Foley has nothing left to prove.

Charlie Haas and Viscera are not explaining their actions against Lilian Garcia last week.

We recap the Diva Search Boot Camp from Smackdown.

Highlanders vs. Jared Steel/Russell Simpson

Steel and Simpson jump the Highlanders from behind and the fight is on in a hurry. That’s about it for the offense as Robbie headbutts Simpson down and it’s time for Fun With Kilts. The Scot Drop finishes Simpson in a hurry.

Post match the Highlanders challenge the Spirit Squad for the Tag Team Titles. Unlike the Squad, they have something beneath their kilts.

Post break, DX meets the Highlanders and tells them to go meet Vince in his office. Make yourselves at home, shout in his ear, and hug him a lot. More on this later I assume.

John Cena vs. Umaga

Armando Alejandro Estrada is here with Umaga but Cena jumps him in the corner before the bell. Umaga shrugs it off and sends Cena flying through the chalkboard as the bell rings. A piece of the board goes over Cena’s back and the beating is on in a hurry. Cena tries to fight back but a shot to the throat cuts him right back down. A knee to the chest keeps Cena in trouble and his quick STFU attempt doesn’t work.

Umaga runs him over with a clothesline and here are Edge and Lita to watch Cena being tied in the Tree of Woe. The running headbutt connects but the running hip attack only hits corner. Cena goes after Edge, earning him a whip into the steps from Umaga. The top rope splash misses though and Cena slugs away, even managing the ProtoBomb. There’s the Shuffle but Edge comes in, allowing Umaga to hit a superkick into the Samoan Spike for the pin.

Rating: C. They kept this moving and while Umaga won with some interference, he still beat Cena and that is quite the accomplishment for someone who has only been around for a few months. Cena vs. Edge will be the big showdown at Summerslam, but Umaga got a lot out of this win. They’re trying something new here and hopefully it works out well for everyone.

Vince comes into his office and throws the Highlanders out for eating his food. One of them gives him a spank on his way out, which makes Vince jump.

Randy Orton vs. Eugene

Eugene’s jacket still has the green paint from last week. Orton takes him down in a hurry as the HOGAN chants start up. Eugene gets in a shot of his own and mocks Orton’s pose, earning himself a heck of a clothesline. The backbreaker into the RKO finishes Eugene in a hurry.

Post match Orton tells Eugene to never take advantage of the McMahons again. He would never take advantage of Brooke Hogan like that, because she’s a very pretty girl. Orton likes that song About Us, but he would like to show us his favorite hit. We see Orton giving Hulk Hogan the RKO onto the back of a car on Saturday, which somehow confused Brooke. I mean I know the Hogans are gullible but come on now.

Back in the WWE Studios, Mick Foley gives Melina a shout out and talks about how impressive Ric Flair was in his hardcore match. Flair got extreme, so maybe next week he can wear a flannel shirt or drive a minivan! Foley sings a little Michael Jackson to say that Flair is out of his life but here’s Flair in the arena to interrupt. Flair is bandaged up and shows us a clip of his match with Big Show on ECW. Flair: “That would be an a** whooping and a half!”

Here’s Miz for the first elimination in the Diva Search. Amy is eliminated and we’re having a Diva Dance Off this week on Smackdown.

Vince is annoyed at DX, and Shane finding an “I HEART COCKS” sign on his back makes it worse. Shane’s sign says “ME TOO”.

Shawn Michaels vs. Shane McMahon

HHH and Vince are at ringside. Joined in progress with Michaels sending Shane outside for an Asai moonsault and some right hands. Vince offers a distraction though and Shane scores with a Shawn forearm into the nip up (JR on Vince: “His boy Shane just won the pony.”). The top rope elbow connects and, after running around the ring, Shane tunes up the band.

The superkick is blocked though and Shawn punches him down. There’s the real forearm into the nip up (Shane’s was fake….somehow) and the elbow keeps Shane in trouble. Vince breaks up Sweet Chin Music so HHH chases him off. Cue the Spirit Squad to jump Shawn for the DQ.

Rating: C-. As is the case with most McMahon matches, keeping it short is a good idea. Shane mimicking Shawn was a good idea and the match could have been a lot worse under different circumstances. It’s good that Shane didn’t take the fall, but can DX ever break a real sweat in this feud?

Post match the Squad sends HHH into the steps and beats up Shawn. Shane loads up some chairs but HHH is back with the sledgehammer to clear the ring, because DX can’t look bad even when it’s six on one.

Overall Rating: D+. This show went by rather quickly but that doesn’t mean it went well. Cena vs. Umaga was interesting but the money match is against Edge. Then you have the DX vs. McMahons stuff and….yeah it’s starting to wear thin. There is a lot of juice left in the feud if they do it right, but that’s not what is going on. DX is running through the McMahons and/or their goons every week and that is taking away a lot of the interest in the feud. The rest of the show was your usual stuff, but they need to tweak that main event story in a hurry.

 

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Monday Night Raw
Date: July 10, 2006
Location: Tyson Events Center, Sioux City, Iowa
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

Everything got shook up last week as Edge beat Rob Van Dam to win the Raw World Title. Other than that, it’s time to head towards Dallas for Saturday Night’s Main Event, which was scheduled to feature last week’s main event. Odds are something is going to change for that show, which is likely only going one way. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a look at last week’s title change.

John Cena vs. Shelton Benjamin

Edge and Lita are sitting at their own commentary table, as Edge is defending against Cena on Saturday in your new main event. Cena whips him into the corner to start but Shelton is back with a suplex. A snap suplex sets up a chinlock as Lawler is begging Edge and Lita for a live celebration. Back up and Cena misses a crossbody, meaning it’s right back to the chinlock.

That’s broken up with an electric chair so Cena goes up, only to have Edge offer a distraction. Shelton hits a great looking springboard enziguri to put Cena on the floor and we take a break. Back with Shelton holding another chinlock as Edge gets in his version of Dusty Rhodes’ “wined and dined with kings and queens” line as Cena makes the comeback. The FU is countered though and Shelton grabs a Samoan drop for two. The Stinger Splash misses though and it’s the STFU for the tap.

Rating: C. The chinlocks took some of the life out of this but Cena was looking good while it lasted. Shelton is a solid choice for an opponent here as he can have just enough credibility to give Cena a sweat but he’s still not going to be actually score the upset. Good opener here, with Edge and Lita rolling on commentary.

Post match Cena charges at Edge and the fight is on. Lita grabs Cena’s leg so Edge can hammer away and the Impaler into the spear leaves Cena laying. Edge and Lita say they’re heading to the hotel.

We look back at DX’s barbecue last week and the two of them torturing Vince McMahon.

Eugene mocks Vince and Shane McMahon over last week and shouts catchphrases at them. Vince thinks there should be a handicap match tonight, and guess who is facing the McMahons. Eugene: “Dr. Isaac Yankem?” Shane isn’t happy with Eugene’s lack of getting it.

Melina vs. Trish Stratus

Johnny Nitro is here with Melina. Trish chases her to the apron to start and it’s time to scream a lot. Melina bails underneath the ring and a Nitro distraction lets Melina get in a kick to the back of the head. We hit the chinlock for a bit with Trish fighting out of it, setting up the Stratusphere out of the corner. The spinning headscissors into a spinebuster gives Trish two and Melina is in trouble. Nitro offers a distraction though and Melina’s rollup with tights gets the pin.

Rating: D+. Just a match here and there is nothing wrong with that on the way to making Melina something. Trish vs. Melina isn’t exactly a major feud but the women’s division has been dying for fresh blood for a very, very long time now. Melina might not be the future, but they have to bring in someone else so points for doing anything.

Post match Carlito runs in to go after Nitro to build towards Saturday’s mixed tag.

Edge and Lita go to a hotel but their room isn’t ready yet. Time to hit the bar, albeit after Edge yells at the desk clerk.

Highlanders vs. Rob Conway/Matt Striker

Striker’s music interrupts the Highlanders’ pre-match chat so Striker can go nowhere with Rory. Conway comes in and gets beaten up in the corner, setting up the Battering Ram for two. Robbie scares Striker off the apron and there’s a double shoulder to drop Conway again. The Scot Drop is good for the fast pin.

Ric Flair is ready to tell the world the truth about Mick Foley.

Here’s Ric Flair to tell the world the truth about Mick Foley. Flair talks about Foley challenging him to a classic wrestling match at Vengeance and Flair beat him two straight falls. That was all the proof you need that Foley is a glorified stuntman….and here’s Foley on the screen to interrupt. Foley talks about how Flair talked out of the side of his a**, got rather drunk, hired a ghostwriter and slapped his name on a book to call himself an author. On the other hand, Foley wrote everything out on 760 pages of notebook paper and became a New York Times bestseller.

Foley wants to take us back to Munich, Germany in 1994 when Flair was Foley’s boss. That night, Foley got his head caught in the ropes, threw a punch, and dropped his ear. Someone took the ear back to Flair, who put it on ice and saw Foley finishing the match. Foley is the guy who ate peanut butter and jelly, drove 1000 miles round trip and slept in his car while learning to wrestle while Flair grabs men’s genitalia today and calls it wrestling. Foley: “Heading into Vengeance, I hadn’t been in fear of another man since I was an altar boy.”

Flair has talked about all these people who had beaten him up and all the pain and agony. They were going to go all night and all day and CAN YOU PLEASE GET A NEW CLICHE??? After Vengeance, that spot that Flair had in Foley’s mind was gone. Flair is a 16 time World Champion but Foley has his own titles. He’s the Hardcore Legend, a 3 time WWE Champion, a two time bestselling author, he’s been interviewed twice by Katie Couric and he’s a personal friend of Melina.

Whether Flair likes it or not, he gets no rematch because he’s out of Foley’s life. Flair: “Foley, will you quit crying about the past???” I’ll pause for the ironic laughter. Flair wants Foley right now in a hardcore match….and here’s Paul Heyman for one of the most bizarre standoffs I’ve ever seen. Flair has talked about how much garbage there is in ECW, but Heyman prefers to call it Extreme Entertainment.

Maybe Flair has not heard about it, but there is a new ECW World Champion and Heyman shows us some footage of the title change. Cue Big Show to say Flair is great but there is one thing he has never done: won the WWE, WCW and ECW World Titles. Maybe Flair can come do that too so the challenge is on for tomorrow night. Flair accepts and the title match is set, only to have a Heyman distraction set up the cobra clutch backbreaker to leave Flair laying.

There was a LOT to cover here. The Foley promo was the kind of thing you would expect from him when it’s time to get serious and the fire was there in his eyes. That kind of a story is hard to overcome and Foley was incredible as usual. Then there’s the Big Show challenging Flair and…..yeah it’s not helping ECW. It continues the trend of ECW needing guest stars and while it’s true, it doesn’t bode well for the show’s future. The biggest problem is it isn’t clear what ECW itself is, other than a place for Raw wrestlers to show up if there is nothing for them to do on Monday.

Vince and Shane are warming up with a baseball bat when Eugene comes in. Eugene can’t talk his way out of the match but they hand him a DX shirt….and then cover him with slime. Shane sends him into the wall and then shoves Eugene’s head into the toilet. Eugene is thrown out and Vince tosses the shirt with him.

During the break, Paul Heyman offered Candice Michelle a dance off against Kelly tomorrow, but she instead offers to dance with Kelly.

Viscera vs. Charlie Haas

Haas gets knocked into the corner to start and there’s the big chop to keeps him in trouble. Viscera stops to shout at Lilian Garcia and gets his throat snapped across the top rope. A kick to the back rocks Viscera but he charges into a swinging Boss Man Slam. The hip thrusting running splash misses….and Lilian tells them to start. She gets in the ring and says she just wants to be friends with both of them, but Haas pokes him in the eyes. The blind Viscera hits a Samoan drop on Lilian (because he’s now blind and dumb) and the match is stopped for medical treatment. Not enough to rate, but this was bad.

Post match, Viscera and Haas leave together because it seems to be a plan. Ok so maybe he isn’t so dumb.

Edge and Lita are a little intoxicated at the bar via a lot of mimosas.

Here’s the Miz to bring out the Diva Search finalists, though he stumbles through some material and has to read a number off of his wrist. We bring out the women and Miz says that’s why he got nervous. They all get twenty seconds to introduce themselves, with the first offering to be our sex kitten. Miz seems to approve of Maryse, who says she wants to be the next Fabulous Moolah, though the fans don’t seem to care.

Rebecca pulls something out of her boot and throws it all onto the rest of them. Most of them basically say they’re good looking, suck up to the crowd and say vote for them, showing the range of this group. Miz has a curve ball: this Friday will be the first challenge with Diva Boot Camp. He gets to say the information again and gets a lot close this time.

Jim Duggan yells at Shane McMahon for picking on Eugene and offers to beat some respect into him. Vince comes in to hit Duggan with a chair and the McMahons both give us a HOO.

Here’s Randy Orton to talk about how Hulk Hogan will be at Saturday Night’s Main Event. Hogan is a legend, and on Saturday he gets to meet the Legend Killer.

Randy Orton vs. Val Venis

RKO in 20 seconds.

Post match, Orton says he’s looking forward to meeting Hogan’s daughter Brooke too.

Edge and Lita are in their room when room service arrives. They need champagne and they want it in three minutes.

Smackdown rebound.

Saturday Night’s Main Event rundown.

Champagne arrives….but it’s disguised as John Cena, who beats the heck out of Edge. Cena sends him face first into the food (Cena: “The steak is actually pretty good.”) and lays him out with the title belt. Cena rings the dinner bell and leaves.

Vince McMahon/Shane McMahon vs. Eugene

The McMahons still have the slime on them and let’s make this No DQ for a bonus. Vince handles Eugene’s entrance, saying he is lean, mean, green and Eugene, who is still covered in slime. Cue the Spirit Squad to make it worse and Shane gets in a cheap shot as Vince heads to the apron with a mic for some live commentary. Shane punches Eugene down as Vince starts yelling about how no one is laughing now.

Eugene Hulks Up and hits the big boot, which draws in the Spirit Squad for the big beatdown. Shane loads up the big elbow through the announcers’ table but here’s DX to cut it off. Vince is glad to see them and wants the two of them to come to the middle of the ramp. Vince keeps looking above them and says NOW but nothing happens….so Eugene rolls Vince up for the pin.

Rating: D. Again, this was more about the angle than the wrestling itself and that’s perfectly fine. DX getting to mess with the McMahons again works, but it would be nice to have DX actually break a sweat for once. The main idea is fine, but at some point you need to make the heroes feel threatened. So far they have just been toying with the McMahons and the Spirit Squad and I don’t see that changing on Saturday.

DX is in hysterics on the stage and gives us the catchphrase to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. This was basically a big commercial for various things, ranging from the Diva Search to ECW to Saturday Night’s Main Event to the long term future with Summerslam (whenever they bring it up). That works out well, but the stuff in between is pretty horrible, with Viscera and Haas now seemingly becoming a team. Not a bad show, but it would be nice to not have so many things going on at once.

 

 

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Monday Night Raw
Date: December 7, 2020
Location: Amway Center, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Tom Phillips, Samoa Joe, Byron Saxton

We’re less than two weeks away from Tables, Ladders And Chairs and that means we are almost to the end of this version of the Thunderdome. Things are getting a little more interesting around here and hopefully we get something better on the way to the pay per view. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with the locker room on the stage again for another ten bell salute to Pat Patterson. There aren’t many people who deserve it more.

Here’s Randy Orton to get things going. After a look back at last week when he was a guest on A Moment Of Bliss and seemed to get inside the Fiend’s head by messing with Bliss, Orton talks about how he got rid of his moral compass years ago. Orton is the kind of monster that Bray should be afraid of so worry about who is there when you let him in.

Cue Bray in the Firefly Fun House to say Orton gets little old him tonight. Orton says he isn’t in the mood for games…..so Bray says it’s time to play the fireflies’ favorite game show: Let’s Get Randy. Bray now has a bad wig and a microphone and sends us to the three contestants: Mercy the Buzzard, Ramblin Rabbit and Huskus the Pig. The prizes tonight is a brand new cruces (no idea if I spelled that right) but it’s made from the Tree of Knowledge and forged by St. Louis’ greatest shaman, and the rotting corpse of Friendship the Frog!

The question tonight is how should Orton be punished at TLC. The contestants give their answers, with Rabbit thinking they should sit down and discuss their feelings. Bray: “That’s revolting. You’re sick. Sick.” The solution, with the wig coming off, is coming from the Fiend….who doesn’t actually say anything. Instead Orton says he wants to face Bray tonight because he can face the Fiend at TLC. Bray is down for that.

Nia Jax says that it’s time for Shayna Baszler to destroy Lana for good. Shayna says Lana’s front is going to look like her back and her back is going to look like her front. Jax: “She’s going to have boobs on her back.”

Shayna Baszler vs. Asuka

Non-title and Lana and Nia Jax are at ringside. They go straight to the mat for an exchange of leglocks, with Nia getting a heel hook, Asuka reverses into an ankle lock and then a kneebar but Baszler is out in a hurry. Baszler sends her hard to the floor and we take a break. Back with Baszler working on the arm but Asuka reverses into a rollup for two.

Baszler fires off the kicks to the ribs but Asuka gets the knees up in the corner for a breather. The Kirifuda Clutch is countered with a backflip into a cradle so Asuka tries the Asuka Lock. That’s broken up as Jax goes after Lana, earning herself a trip into the steps. Lana dives at Jax and manages a hurricanrana into the announcers’ table. Baszler can’t believe this and yells at Lana, who runs off so Asuka can roll Baszler up for the pin at 8:38.

Rating: C. This was a nice exchange of submission work until it became about Lana and Jax again because that has been the case for months now. Other than that, we have Baszler losing again because WWE managed to another match between the two most successful NXT Women’s Champions ever and it winds up being about Lana and Jax, because it’s always about Jax in some way.

We look back at Cedric Alexander beating Xavier Woods last week. Therefore, tonight we have Kofi Kingston vs. Shelton Benjamin because that’s one of WWE’s favorites.

The Hurt Business ran into a guy holding a box of shirts and torment him a bit, as only they can.

We recap last week’s main event, with the combined forces of AJ Styles, John Morrison and Miz not being able to take out Drew McIntyre and Sheamus. Tonight, the combined forces of AJ Styles, John Morrison and Miz try to take out Drew McIntyre and Sheamus.

We look back at Dana Brooke slapping Mustafa Ali in the face last week, leading to Slapjack beating Ricochet. Then later in the night, Dana beat Reckoning in quite the upset.

Riddle brings Dana Brooke and Ricochet some Bronuts, which are part of his idea for MVP. With Riddle gone, Ricochet says he didn’t want to be in Retribution because they’ll all jackasses. He’ll team with Brooke though because they both want to take out Retribution.

Ricochet/Dana Brooke vs. Slapjack/Reckoning

Mustafa Ali is here with Slapjack and Reckoning. Before the match, Retribution promises to end Brooke and Ricochet tonight. Reckoning slaps Brooke to start and the brawl is on early. It’s off to the guys with Ricochet taking Slapjack to the floor for a big flip dive. Back in and Slapjack hits something like a Falcon Arrow for two before it’s back to the women. Brooke grabs a quick Samoan driver for the pin at 1:47. Remember when Retribution went on a winning streak for like two weeks and it seemed that things were getting better? WWE must not have been paying attention.

Post match Ali yells at Reckoning and Slapjack for embarrassing them and storms off.

Keith Lee comes up to Sheamus and knows it’s a matter of time before he turns on Drew McIntyre. Sheamus doesn’t like the sound of that.

It’s time for MizTV (including John Morrison, as usual) with AJ Styles, with Omos, as the guest. Omos is offered a chair but AJ says the big tree prefers to stand. Morrison asks AJ about his plans for the TLC match against Drew McIntyre, so AJ talks about wanting to break a chair over Drew’s back. Miz and Morrison start making fun of Sheamus and McIntyre’s accents as the show morphs into the Dirt Sheet. The gist is that Sheamus is going to turn on McIntyre, with the accents getting thicker and thicker. They attribute the voices to watching a lot of Liam Neeson and Shrek movies but here’s Sheamus to interrupt.

Sheamus knows everyone is going to believe he’s turning on McIntyre, but Miz and Morrison mock his inability to count. There are three of them and one of him, so what is Sheamus supposed to do? Cue McIntyre to say the odds have been against him before and he’s ready to take care of these two again. He knows Miz keeps his testicles in Maryse’s purse but Miz replaced them with Morrison’s when he made Morrison his sidekick b****.

AJ points out that Omos is here too….but they’re on the floor so McIntyre and Sheamus clear the ring. McIntyre throws the MITB briefcase from the ring to the stage (dang) and Miz is distraught. Miz and Morrison still do not feel like anything more than an annoyance to McIntyre and it’s not holding up.

We look back at the opening segment.

Kofi Kingston vs. Shelton Benjamin

Shelton takes him down to start and fires off a few shots in the corner to keep Kofi in trouble. Kofi gets up and jumps over Shelton out of the corner, only to have the SOS countered into a heck of a powerbomb for two. Shelton slaps on the ankle lock and then sends Kofi outside, where Kofi is favoring his leg. A charge only hits the barricade though and it’s Trouble in Paradise for the pin back inside at 3:25.

Rating: C-. Kind of a weird match here, which didn’t have much time to do anything and only served to get New Day even with the Hurt Business after last week. I was surprised by how fast it wrapped up but sometimes you don’t need to keep things going for the sake of filling time. Kofi getting the win is all that mattered and it worked out fine.

Post match Cedric says not so fast because he wants Kofi too. That’s cool with Kofi and the match is on after a break.

Kofi Kingston vs. Cedric Alexander

Joined in progress with Alexander working on the bad knee, including cranking on the leg on the mat. Kofi fights up and sends him outside, followed by the SOS for two back inside. Cedric takes the leg out again though and a brainbuster gets two. The superplex is broken up but Kofi misses the top rope shot to the head. The Lumbar Check finishes Kofi at 4:20.

Rating: C-. I can go for Cedric picking up some big wins and even though it wasn’t clean, this does set up the Tag Team Title match at TLC. Now granted I’m not sure why we’re going to be seeing another title shot for the Hurt Business, especially a Tag Team Title shot based off of singles wins, but I’ll take almost anything from the Hurt Business. Alexander got a lot of of this win too, even given the situation.

We look back at Elias getting electrocuted last week against Jeff Hardy, who thankfully didn’t bust his head open on the steps.

Pat Patterson tribute video.

Video on Tribute to the Troops.

Sheamus/Drew McIntyre vs. Miz/John Morrison/AJ Styles

McIntyre shoves Morrison around to start and there’s a headbutt to drop him again. Sheamus comes in and trades arm holds with Morrison before hitting him in the face. Miz gets knocked outside and Sheamus and Morrison follow, where Sheamus almost knocks McIntyre down. Instead, the two of them catch a diving Morrison and toss him onto the announcers’ chairs (geez) as we take a break.

Back with Miz getting planted off a double toss suplex as the dominance continues. Miz gets in a shot to the face and hands it off to AJ to hammer away in the corner. Morrison gets to do the same but Miz gets knocked away without much trouble. That means it’s back to Sheamus to wreck Miz a bit, only to have Morrison get in a shot to the face. A double shot to the back gets two on Sheamus and it’s time for some right hands to the face. Morrison flips over Sheamus and grabs a gator roll before handing it back to AJ.

Some right hands in the corner have Sheamus in trouble and a kick to the head makes it worse. The Calf Crusher goes on but Drew breaks that up in a hurry. That allows the hot tag to Morrison, who starts sending Morrison flying (so much that one of the cameras is sent reeling). A double northern lights suplex has Miz and Morrison down again as everything breaks down. The Brogue Kick hits McIntyre by mistake and it’s the Phenomenal Forearm to finish Sheamus at 15:47.

Rating: D+. This took its sweet time getting somewhere but the ending was the right call. Sheamus feels like a much bigger threat to McIntyre than Miz and Morrison and AJ is the biggest threat out of all of them. In other words, they have a good story in there but Miz and Morrison are just kind of there to clog things up.

We look at Nia Jax and Shayna Baszler wanting to destroy Lana. Next week: Lana vs. Jax.

Lana is panicking so Asuka gives her a pep talk. She is going to beat Nia and the win the Tag Team Titles. Asuka leaves and Nia pops up to stare Lana down.

Sheamus knows McIntyre is going to want a fight and he’s ready. That Brogue Kick was NOT intentional but here’s Drew to interrupt. Charly Caruso knows better than to stick around as Drew says Sheamus knows what is about to happen. A lot of breathing ensues.

We come back from a break with Sheamus and McIntyre fighting but Pat Buck breaks it up. That earns him a big slam through a table and Sheamus and McIntyre are cool again.

Jeff Hardy vs. Bobby Lashley

Non-title and MVP is here with Lashley. Hold on though as Riddle comes up to Jeff in the back and suggest a tag team: the Hardy Bros. Jeff politely declines because he needs to head to the ring. Lashley takes him into the corner to start and the stomping starts early. Some choking makes it worse and MVP is right there to mock Jeff. The Dominator is countered though and Jeff strikes away, only to have the Twist of Fate countered into a failed Hurt Lock attempt.

MVP offers a distraction to break up the Whisper in the Wind so here’s Riddle to take MVP off the apron. Hardy sends Lashley outside for a clothesline off the apron. We take a break and come back with Hardy being sent outside, meaning Lashley gets to yell at Riddle. The Hurt Lock is countered so Lashley settles for rolling Hardy into a rear naked choke. Riddle tries to coach Hardy out of trouble and Hardy rolls over to elbow his way to freedom.

The legdrop between the legs into a basement dropkick gets two on Lashley. Back up and Lashley hits a quick Downward Spiral for two, only to have Hardy come back with the Twist of Fate. It’s too early for the Swanton though and Lashley spears Hardy in half. The Hurt Lock finishes Hardy at 13:13.

Rating: B-. I got into this one and they did a good job of making me want to see Riddle vs. Lashley. There’s something awesome about Riddle going serious and turning into the machine but you have to build Lashley up as well. A win over someone of Hardy’s caliber is going to do just that and it was another good match on the way there.

Ramblin Rabbit knocks on Randy Orton’s door, saying Bray can’t wait to see him.

Randy Orton vs. Bray Wyatt

Bray shoves him around to start and they head outside with Orton being dropped onto the announcers’ table. Bray grabs a headset and says yowie wowie we’ll be right back to send us to a break. Back with Bray in trouble and Orton chokes away in the corner. The stomping sets up the chinlock but Bray fights up and goes Pat Patterson with an atomic drop.

Bray’s crossbody sets up an implant DDT for two but Orton reverses Sister Abigail into the backbreaker. A quick trip to the floor doesn’t work for either of them so Orton pokes him in the eye back inside. The hanging DDT connects but then the lights start going out. The RKO connects on Bray but the lights go out….and Orton is covering the Fiend. It’s the Mandible Claw to put Orton down to end the show as we’ll say the match was a no contest at 11:45.

Rating: C. This wasn’t much to see but the ending was a good way to go. The Fiend running through Orton at the pay per view could be interesting if that’s the way they go, but it doesn’t hurt anything if Orton gets the better of Wyatt. It isn’t like Bray got pinned or anything so this was just a way to get to the ending, which worked out fine.

Overall Rating: C-. This show had one of the worst feelings you can have from Raw: it felt like a three hour show. They did move a few things forward and the Raw half of TLC does look pretty good (not entirely, but more good than bad) but Miz and Morrison and the Lana stuff are really dragging it down. It feels like those people are dragging down the good stuff because they have to be there and that’s not a great thing to have taking place. Overall the show wasn’t the worst, but it REALLY would have been better off at two hours instead of three.

Results

Asuka b. Shayna Baszler – Rollup

Ricochet/Dana Brooke b. Slapjack/Reckoning – Samoan driver to Reckoning

Kofi Kingston b. Shelton Benjamin – Trouble in Paradise

Cedric Alexander b. Kofi Kingston – Lumbar Check

AJ Styles/Miz/John Morrison b. Sheamus/Drew McIntyre – Phenomenal Forearm to Sheamus

Bobby Lashley b. Jeff Hardy – Hurt Lock

Randy Orton vs. Bray Wyatt went to a no contest

 

 

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