ECW on Sci Fi
Date: December 5, 2006
Location: North Charleston Coliseum, North Charleston, South Carolina
Commentators: Joey Styles, Tazz

We’re officially done with December To Dismember and for all intent and purpose, done with the original version of the relaunched ECW. This is now the third brand instead of something that has any kind of unique feeling to it and that is going to make for a pretty interesting change going forward. Bobby Lashley is now ECW Champion so let’s get to it.

Here is December To Dismember if you need a recap.

We open with a recap of Bobby Lashley winning the ECW Title inside the Elimination Chamber.

Paul Heyman was in tears after the pay per view, as Big Show is not only the former champion but his blood is also on Heyman’s tie. The rematch is this week….and that’s the last we’ll see of Paul Heyman for five and a half years.

Opening sequence.

Rob Van Dam/CM Punk vs. Test/Hardcore Holly

More Chamber fallout. Punk and Van Dam dedicate the match to Sabu because he should have been in the Chamber with him. Holly starts with Van Dam as the lights seem to be flickering a bit. Rob kicks him down to start and hits a split legged moonsault to the back. Test pulls him to the floor though and stomps away, followed by Holly grabbing a suplex for two back inside.

It’s off to Test to hit a basement clothesline for two and Holly comes back in to get kicked in the face. The hot tag brings in Punk to strike away, followed by the bulldog out of the corner. The Alabama Slam is countered into the Anaconda Vice but here are Heyman’s security guards for the DQ.

Rating: C-. They didn’t have much time to work with here but it kept Van Dam and Punk strong (outside of the Chamber at least). Test and Holly might as well be Goon #1 and Goon #2 at this point, though I’m not sure who is supposed to replace them on the heel totem pole. They’ll do fine for now though.

Post match the beatdown is on but Sabu, with his arm in a sling, makes the save. Van Dam hits a Five Star and Sabu adds the Arabian Facebuster.

Tommy Dreamer vs. Daivari

Rematch from December to Dismember though Dreamer is mostly destroyed after being attacked by Great Khali on Sunday. Daivari dropkicks him down but Dreamer, with his shirt torn to exposed the bandaged shoulder, comes back with a spinebuster. The DDT finishes Daivari in a hurry.

Post match here is Great Khali to beat down Dreamer, including the chokeslam onto a chair.

BUY THE DECEMBER TO DISMEMBER REPLAY!

Next week’s show is on Saturday.

Big Show promises to win the title back because it took five people and a bunch of weapons to beat him. Tonight, he is taking the title back. This was as old school talk to the camera style as you are getting in this era.

Kelly Kelly vs. Ariel

Kelly is here by herself and looks terrified. Kevin Thorn is here with Ariel….or at least he is until he is ejected before the match. The catfight is on to start and Kelly grabs a rollup for the pin in less than a minute.

Post match here is Mike Knox with flowers to make peace with Kelly. He apologizes for what he did at December To Dismember and gets on his knees to beg her forgiveness. Then he dumps her and hits a swinging neckbreaker before walking out. Tazz of all people gets in to check on Kelly.

Kane is still in See No Evil and it’s still on DVD.

ECW World Title: Big Show vs. Bobby Lashley

Show is challenging. Lashley slugs away with right hands to start until an elbow to the face cuts him down. Back up and Lashley starts going after Show’s arm but Show shrugs it off and puts on a kneeling bearhug. Lashley fights out but gets run over with ease and we take a break.

We come back with Lashley’s crossbody being countered into a World’s Strongest Slam for a near fall. Show stands on his back but Lashley manages to come back with a flying shoulder for two. That earns him a kick to the face to give Show two more and there’s a suplex to cut Lashley off again. We hit the abdominal stretch on Lashley with Show adding some right hands to the ribs for a bonus.

With that broken up, Lashley slugs away to little effect as Show puts him on top. A headbutt drops Show and Lashley nails a flying shoulder. More clotheslines put Show down again but the spear is countered with a chokeslam for two. Lashley can’t quite hold him up for a slam but it was close enough for two. A big boot and a clothesline sets up another slam (much better this time) for the pin to retain the title.

Rating: C-. Pretty dull match here that went longer than it needed to. Lashley getting the clean win over Show is a way to remove the basically non-existent doubt over his initial title reign. Show beat Lashley up and Lashley made his comeback to retain. What more else can you ask for in a match like this? This would be it for Show for over a year, so at least he went out putting Lashley over again.

Overall Rating: D+. This wasn’t much of a show but then it’s kind of hard to get overly annoyed at this when everything was changing behind the scenes. I’m curious to see where things go from here, but it isn’t like what happened before all of the changes was all that great. Hopefully the new direction is better, though it’s not like there is any track record around here.

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December To Dismember
Date: December 3, 2006
Location: James Brown Arena, Augusta, Georgia
Attendance: 4,800
Commentators: Joey Styles, Tazz

Well here we go. For the first time ever, the reincarnated ECW is getting its own pay per view and we have two matches announced on the way in. One of those matches features two teams who aren’t on ECW and the other is the EXTREME Elimination Chamber. This is not exactly looking promising but let’s get to it.

The opening video entirely focuses on the Chamber, with nothing else getting any focus. So half of the matches got a look, so maybe things are looking up.

Hardys vs. MNM

This is the result of the Hardys’ open challenge and neither of the teams are on ECW. Matt starts with Mercury and shoulders him down, meaning it’s already off to a double standoff. With that settled down, Mercury shrugs off some arm cranking and hands it off to Nitro as everything breaks down again. The Hardys clean house and it’s Nitro blocking Jeff’s jawbreaker and taking him into the corner to put him in trouble for the first time.

Jeff isn’t having that either and fights out, allowing the tag off to Matt to pick up the pace again. Melina offers a distraction though and MNM manages a double gutbuster to take him down. A double belly to back faceplant gets two on Matt but he manages a double DDT. Jeff gets knocked off the apron and it’s MNM hitting Poetry In Motion to rock Matt again. Not that it matters as Matt fights up and makes it over to Jeff for the hot tag a few seconds later anyway.

Everything breaks down again and it’s time for the parade of dives onto the floor. Back in and Nitro hits a springboard missile dropkick for two on Jeff. A double catapult sends Jeff face first into the buckle and Mercury cranks on both of Jeff’s arms for a bit. Jeff gets flipped into the corner and some forearms to the back keep him in trouble. There’s a slingshot elbow for two and we hit the reverse chinlock.

With that broken up, another double catapult is countered as Jeff comes back with a double Whisper in the Wind. The hot tag brings in Matt, including the middle rope legdrop for two on Nitro. Back up and Nitro snaps off a super hurricanrana on Jeff but the Hardys get up again and nail stereo superplexes.

With Jeff up first, Melina gets on the apron but her slap is blocked by Jeff grabbing his arm. Jeff steps away and Nitro dropkicks Melina by mistake, setting up a rollup for a rather hot near fall. The Snapshot gets two with Matt making the save so MNM puts Jeff on top. Matt makes another save and neckbreakers them down, setting up the Swanton onto the two of them for the double pin.

Rating: B. It’s rather good and I don’t think anyone should be surprised by that. You had two great teams going at it in a twenty minute match. I’m not sure how this couldn’t be good, though it’s kind of disappointing to hear that both teams are splitting up after this. It doesn’t make sense given how good this was, but it isn’t like WWE really cares about the tag division anyway.

Commentary hypes up the Elimination Chamber. It isn’t a good sign that they need filler like this.

Rob Van Dam is ready to take the risks for the chance to become ECW Champion again.

Here’s Matt Striker for a chat and it’s time to go downhill. Striker talks about the chaos and destruction that is coming tonight in the Chamber. He asks the fans if they want to see someone like him in an extreme rules match. The fans approve, so Striker is going to be in an EXTREME RULES match tonight. Now that means an EXTREME enforcement of the RULES of course, meaning no eye gouging, hair pulling, coming off the top or foul language of course. Let’s see how extreme his opponent can be.

Matt Striker vs. Balls Mahoney

Mahoney throws him down to start so Striker comes back with some forearms. That’s broken up so Mahoney tries a cross armbreaker of all things, with Striker going straight to the ropes. More forearms to the back stagger Mahoney and striker sends him shoulder first into the post. A Regal Cutter gives Striker two and it’s time to crank on the arm.

Mahoney comes back with right hands to the face (Striker picks no eye gouging but ignores punches from a guy with a signature sequence involving punches to the face. Right.) but gets pulled into a Fujiwara armbar. That’s broken up and Mahoney’s arm gives out on the snap jab attempt. Striker crotches him on top and the Fujiwara armbar goes on again. Mahoney fights back up with a belly to back suplex and now the punches work. The sitout spinebuster finishes Striker off.

Rating: D. Ignoring the fact that we’re on pay per view, this wouldn’t have even been a good TV match. Striker wanted the rules enforced and then they had a regular match. Having Mahoney win was one of the two ways they could have gone, but if this was their way of giving the fans something to cheer for, we’re in a lot more trouble than I thought.

Brian Pillman has a DVD (not on Peacock obviously).

Sabu has been attacked. After losing on Tuesday, it isn’t like he had any momentum or chance anyway. So yeah he’s not likely for the main event and you can hear the BULLS*** chants as we come back to the arena.

Sylvester Terkay/Elijah Burke vs. FBI

Trinity is here with the FBI. Before the match, Burke promises that they will leave their mark like a wild beast in heat. Commentary drools over Trinity as Guido and Burke (in a hat) start things off. Guido takes him down (and steals his hat) by the arm and hands it off to Mamaluke. A few fans try a WHERE’S MY PIZZA chant ala the original ECW because he thinks it is still alive.

Terkay misses a splash in the corner but manages to pull Guido’s high crossbody out of the air. After Terkay throws the FBI outside, it’s back in for a chinlock from Burke. Guido fights up and hands it off to Mamaluke so the pace can pick up. A double dropkick into a double flapjack gets two on Burke but Terkay gets in a cheap shot from the apron. The Elijah Experience finishes Mamaluke.

Rating: D+. Slightly better match but that is mainly due to having slightly more interesting people involved. Terkay and Burke are two more people who don’t really feel like they belong in ECW but at least they did something here and add a little variety. Not much of a match, though you have to take what you can get on this show.

Post match, Terkay hits Guido with a MuscleBuster for a bonus.

CM Punk and Rob Van Dam watch Sabu being loaded into an ambulance.

Daivari vs. Tommy Dreamer

Great Khali is here with Daivari, who rants about how Khali in Farsi. Daivari hammers away to start but a glare from Dreamer sends him bailing outside (just don’t let Dreamer talk). Back in and a hiptoss sends Daivari right back to the floor but this time he comes back in with a dropkick. There’s a baseball slide to put Dreamer on the floor but he reverses a whip to send Daivari into the barricade.

Back in and Khali low bridges Dreamer right back to the floor, earning himself an ejection. The fans say they want hardcore but get a neck crank into a chinlock instead. Dreamer fights up drops backwards onto Daivari for the break, followed by a reverse DDT for two. The Death Valley Driver is broken up but Daivari catches him on top. That means the Tree of Woe into the running dropkick…..but then Daivari rolls him up with tights for the pin.

Rating: D-. Gah no. Another nothing match here which would have been bad either here or on television and that is hardly the kind of thing that is going to make the show better. The ending was pretty awful as Dreamer just started to get going and then Daivari pinned him without much thinking. Bad match, bad setup and worse ending, especially on this show.

Post match Dreamer chases Daivari up the stage, where Khali catches him with the tree slam. Therefore, we pause for Dreamer to be checked on but then get up.

Paul Heyman puts Hardcore Holly into the main event to replace Sabu. This is booed out of the building.

Kelly Kelly/Mike Knox vs. Ariel/Kevin Thorn

Oh this could be trouble. Before the match, Kelly wishes CM Punk luck in the main event. The guys start (thank goodness) by shoving each other around before Thorn clotheslines him down and grabs a quickly released neck crank. A hard clothesline cuts Knox down again and we hit another nothing chinlock.

Knox fights up with a slam for two and kicks Thorn in the face for a knockdown. This time it’s Knox cranking on Thorn’s neck but Ariel makes the save. She even stays in this time and wants Kelly to join her, meaning it’s time for a lot of hair pulling (Striker disapproves). A boot choke in the corner has Tazz losing his train of thought and an ax handle to the back cuts Kelly off again. Kelly manages to kick Ariel away though….and Knox walks out on her, leaving Ariel to hit a choke STO for the pin.

Rating: D-. It was a nothing match and the high point was Mike Knox vs. Kevin Thorn. This is airing on pay per view and would have been an ice cold match on TV in addition to the match being terrible as a bonus. I didn’t think this show could actually fall even further but this pay per view continues to amaze me.

Post match the beatdown stays on but Sandman makes the save. Thorn gets caned down and beer is consumed.

We get a video of Michael Cole running down the Armageddon card. Also not on Peacock.

Bobby Lashley says it is his destiny to win the title.

Video on the Elimination Chamber. Notice the high level of padding tonight.

We’re still not ready yet though as here is Paul Heyman, with security, for a chat. Heyman talks about how Hulkamania will die with Hulk Hogan and WOO will die with Ric Flair. ECW will live on behind him though, with Big Show as its champion. The days of Sandman and Sabu and Tommy Dreamer are over and it is the ECW of the Big Show. Now lower the Chamber!

ECW Title: Big Show vs. Hardcore Holly vs. CM Punk vs. Bobby Lashley vs. Rob Van Dam vs. Test

Show is defending in the Extreme Elimination Chamber, meaning there is a weapon in each pod. Hardcore Holly is in at #1 and Rob Van Dam is in at #2 and there are five minute intervals. Holly takes him into the corner and starts kicking away but Rob pops up and gets sent into the cage….but holds onto the side because he can. The spinning high crossbody only hits the rope though and Van Dam crashes down again. Van Dam gets sent into the cage again but manages to get a boot up to cut off a diving Holly.

Rolling Thunder over the top rope hits Holly but he suplexes Van Dam back inside. There’s the dropkick and it’s CM Punk with his chair in at #3. A monkey flip sends Holly onto the chair and Punk kicks Van Dam down. The chair is wedged in the corner and Van Dam, who has been busted open somewhere in there, is sent hard into it. Punk kicks him again but Holly is back up with a side slam. Holly drops Punk onto the top rope and there’s a top rope superplex to take him down again.

Test, with his crowbar, is in at #4 and hits Punk in the ribs before clawing at Van Dam’s cut. Punk grabs a Stunner on Test of the top rope and the bloody Van Dam kicks Holly in the face. Van Dam skateboards the chair into Punk in the corner and hits the Five Star for the pin and the elimination for Punk’s first pinfall in WWE. Test kicks Holly in the face for an elimination, even if the count didn’t seem to go down properly. Van Dam goes up top but Test chairs him in the knee and pulls him right back down in a crash.

An elbow off the top of the pod onto the chair onto Van Dam is good for the elimination, meaning that the countdown to Lashley is official. It also means that the ring is clear, save for Test, for about a minute and a half because this match can’t time things either. Bobby Lashley with his table is….not allowed to get in because test and the security guards block the door. That’s fine with Lashley, who uses the table to break the roof open and climbs through the top. Eh points for a cool entrance.

Lashley unloads for a bit until Test gets him into the corner for some choking. Lashley suplexes him down, hits him with the crowbar, and nails a spear for the pin. Therefore, let’s wait a minute and a half before Big Show with his barbed wire baseball bat can come in at #6 to give us the showdown. Lashley has to use the chair to shield himself with the bat but manages to knock Show outside anyway. Show is sent through the pod to bust him open but he knocks Lashley down again. Back in and the chokeslam is countered into a DDT, followed by a spear for the pin and the title.

Rating: D. And that’s probably high. This was a really dull Chamber with the two badly times falls that left them sitting around with nothing to do for a few minutes. The match is less than twenty five minutes and you knew that Lashley had the title won with about ten minutes to go.

Look at the participants here. Van Dam, Show and Lashley are fine, but that leaves you with three pretty weak choices. Punk would go on to become a huge star, but at this point he had been around for a few months with his career consisting of feuds with Shannon Moore and Mike Knox. That is kind of lacking in any kind of meaningful wins in WWE and it showed badly. The other two are Test and Hardcore Holly as a replacement. That leaves you with three options, but Test dominated a good portion of the middle. That’s the best they could put together and that should tell you a whole low.

The show was long past the point of saving by the time we got to the match, but then they had this boring mess to make it even worse. There was no drama, the popular guys were done in less than fifteen minutes and the weapons managed to make it less violent than the previous Elimination Chambers. Not the worst match of all time, but pretty horrible and probably the worst Chamber match to date, if nothing else for the star power included and the lack of drama near the end.

Lashley’s pyro celebration ends the show.

Overall Rating: F. What is there to say about this show? It’s a good match, then a C level version of the C level TV show and a huge main event which bombed as hard as anything in recent memory. This show felt slapped together and I would bet on the middle four matches being thrown together earlier in the day. Outside of the opener, the best match on the card was the FBI vs. Sylvester Terkay and Elijah Burke. Do you get how far you have fallen to have those four in second place?

This show made it very clear that WWE did not care about ECW and there was no stopping the show’s collapse even further into nothingness. There was no effort, there was one good match out of six (featuring people not from ECW) and the main event was a mixture of predictable and bad. This is what we got for the first ECW pay per view, which does at least give us a special milestone.

With this show, you can officially say that the new ECW is done. There wasn’t much to the show coming in and then it got even worse here. The show resulted in Paul Heyman leaving WWE and ECW, making this nothing more than the dumping ground for the people with nothing else to do. It was clear that the show wasn’t going to mean anything and once Heyman left, there was no reason to pretend anymore.

Heyman argued with Vince McMahon about the show both before and after, resulting in Heyman walking out on the company and not being seen again for over five years. Heyman’s idea was to have Punk make Show submit early and win the title, which worked fine for Show. Instead, Punk goes out first to end his undefeated streak. Heyman knew that things were done so he left, and after this debacle, can you really blame him?

One thing that doesn’t get the attention it deserves is the middle of the card with the four matches between the two they actually advertised. Striker vs. Mahoney is at least a logical way to go and Daivari vs. Dreamer has been built up a bit on TV. That leaves you with a tag team squash and a mixed tag with three heels and Kelly Kelly. I know WWE has a lot of problems, but they know how to throw together a four match series better than this. This felt like they were trying to troll the fans (or at least Heyman) and with none of these matches even hitting eight minutes, the lack of effort is pretty clear.

This show is about as perfect of an example of a show where WWE didn’t care and we were just left to get over it. It was a week after Survivor Series and two weeks before Armageddon, so in addition to treating the fans to an awful show, how many fans who watched or heard about the show passed on the next show because of what WWE delivered here?

This didn’t feel like a pay per view (a two hour and fifteen minute run time, comparable to Coliseum Videos didn’t help either) and it has absolutely earned the reputation that it maintains. I know it isn’t quite the same thing as a top level WWE pay per view, but it is hard to think of anything that the company has released that is near its level. This show is a complete disaster and one of the all time bombs on pay per view.

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ECW On Sci Fi
Date: November 14, 2006
Location: Manchester Evening News Arena, Manchester, England
Attendance: 15,266
Commentators: Joey Styles, Elijah Burke

We’re overseas in what can’t be a common situation for ECW. The big story coming out of last week’s show was Hardcore Holly joining forces with Paul Heyman and company, ending a short term face run. Tonight is a little different though as we find out the sixth entrant in the Elimination Chamber, and it might not be someone from ECW. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a recap of Holly’s heel turn and the subsequent beatdown of Rob Van Dam.

Opening sequence.

Here are Paul Heyman and Big Show to the ring, where a table has been set up for a contract signing. After thanking the booing crowd for the irrelevant opinions, Heyman announces the contract signing for the sixth spot in the Elimination Chamber. We see Hardcore Holly walking to the ring but Smackdown’s Bobby Lashley jumps him from behind and comes into the arena. There’s a spear to Big Show for trying to cut him off and Lashley signs the contract to get into the Elimination Chamber. ECW has been dying for fresh faces and Lashley works very well.

Post break, Big Show, Test and Hardcore Holly yell at Paul Heyman, who says he’s going to lawyer up. Tonight, it’s Lashley vs. Holly, who certainly approves.

CM Punk vs. Mike Knox

Kelly Kelly is here with Knox and this is a rematch from last week where Punk won. The arena looks a bit darker for this one as Punk grabs a belly to back suplex to start. Knox is sent to the floor but avoids a slide, meaning Punk kicks him down and right into Kelly. Punk makes the mistake of checking on Kelly, allowing Knox to get in a few shots of his own and catapult Punk into the corner back inside. A clothesline gets two on Punk and we hit the Boston crab (or Manchester crab as Joey tries to be clever).

With that broken up, Knox switches to a double arm crank but Punk knees his way out of a suplex. Some running elbows start the comeback and Punk dropkicks him out to the floor. That sets up the suicide dive but Knox is right back with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. Punk shrugs that off without missing a beat and kicks Knox in the head, setting up the Anaconda Vice for the tap.

Rating: C. Knox isn’t exactly proving himself in the ring most of the time as he is being shown to be more and more of a generic heel with very match. He isn’t the worst by far but this deal with Kelly is taking its sweet time and it isn’t like they were the good version of Savage and Liz in the first place. I’m not sure Punk needs Kelly either, but he is on the way up to much bigger things anyway.

Post match, Kelly is rather pleased with Punk.

Matt Striker gives us some famous quotes to send us to a video on the history of the Elimination Chamber.

CM Punk welcomes Bobby Lashley to ECW and says he is looking forward to the Chamber because he will be like a kid in a candy store. It is his time to become ECW Champion.

Wrestlemania tickets are on sale.

Daivari vs. Tommy Dreamer

Great Khali is here with Daivari. Dreamer knocks him into the corner to start but Daivari comes back with a shot to the knee. Daivari gets crotched on top but Khali cuts off the DDT and crotches him against the post for the DQ.

Post match Dreamer gets dropped with the chokeslam.

Roddy Piper has a DVD. It’s worth watching for all of the Piper’s Pits alone.

We recap Lashley signing the contract.

Bobby Lashley vs. Hardcore Holly

Paul Heyman, Big Show and Test are all at ringside. Lashley’s Titantron says that he is “soft spoken”. I’m sure it says something else after that, but that might be part of why he hasn’t gotten very far yet. Joined in progress with Lashley unloading in the corner and hitting the one armed delayed suplex. Holly is back up and sends it outside with Lashley being sent into the steps.

Back in and Lashley hits a kind of awkward slam but misses an elbow so Holly can grab the chinlock. Holly goes up but dives into a raised boot so Lashley can start the comeback. A torture rack drops into a backbreaker for two on Holly, who is back up to crotch Lashley on top. The superplex gives Holly two of his own so Holly goes up top, only to get slammed off the top. That’s enough for Big Show to come in for the DQ.

Rating: C-. This wasn’t a very good debut for Lashley, as the match looked awkward out there and then it ended in a DQ. You might not want Holly to lose just after his heel turn, but Lashley is a good bit bigger than Holly could ever hope to be. Holly isn’t even going into the Chamber, so this probably should have been Lashley winning after a hard fought match.

Post match the beatdown is on but CM Punk, Sabu and Rob Van Dam run in for the save. The ring is cleared out and Lashley stares Van Dam down to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. Not the most thrilling show here with the big focus being on Lashley’s debut. The rest of the show wasn’t much else to see, though it wasn’t like there was much else there in the first place. The Chamber is all set now and that is what matters most, but some better building would be nice over the next few weeks.

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Hardcore Justice 2021
Date: April 10, 2021
Location: Skyway Studios, Nashville, Tennessee
Commentators: D’Lo Brown, Matt Striker

It’s the Impact Wrestling Wrestlemania weekend offering with the hardcore themed show, as operated by Tommy Dreamer. Now for once this actually makes sense, though somehow Dreamer is likely to be main eventing the show as well. The card looks decent and has been built up on Impact as of late, so it feels like an actually pay per view. Let’s get to it.

The opening video features Eric Young talking about how he has a sickness and violence is the only cure. Tommy Dreamer has that same sickness and tonight, Young is willing to provide the cure for him.

Ace Austin/Madman Fulton vs. TJP/Fallah Bahh vs. Josh Alexander/Petey Williams

Austin, TJP and Alexander are feuding over the X-Division Title and got to pick their own partners. Alexander gets run over by the huge Bahh to start, including getting knocked to the floor. Back in and Bahh strikes away but Alexander takes him down by the leg. Williams comes in but gets knocked into the corner by TJP. A drop toehold lets Williams hit a dropkick to the back, only to get pulled into TJP’s Octopus variation. It’s off to Austin, who is taken down for a nasty arm crank from TJP.

Bahh comes back in and gets caught in the corner for some shoulders from Fulton. Some double teaming sets up a running crossbody to Bahh’s kneeling back for two but Bahh backdrops his way to freedom. Williams tags himself in to take over on Austin and it’s back to Alexander for a quick German suplex. A blind tag brings Fulton back in to side slam Alexander for two and a big boot lets Austin come back in.

Austin’s spinning legdrop gets two but Alexander pops back up with a powerslam. Austin kicks him into the corner for the hot tag to TJP and the pace picks up. There’s a tornado DDT to Austin and everything breaks down. Bahh crossbodies Fulton down and the Mamba Splash hits Austin but Alexander tags himself in to steal the near fall. Williams Sharpshooters Austin and Alexander ankle locks Fulton but TJP grabs a choke on Williams at the same time.

Bahh breaks the whole thing up and it’s Fulton having to save Austin from the Canadian Destroyer. Everything breaks down again and Fulton cleans house with everyone going down. TJP knocks Alexander into the corner for a facewash and the Canadian Destroyer hits TJP. Williams stomps on Bahh’s ankle and Alexander ankle locks him for the tap at 13:41.

Rating: B-. This was exactly what it should have been with a hot opener featuring some talented people. The Canadian Destroyer may have become one of the biggest jokes in wrestling but there is still a little something special about Williams using it. This was all about the main trio though and they could tear the house down at Rebellion. Good stuff here and they’re off to a solid start.

Here’s what’s coming today.

Hernandez vs. Shera

This is a chairs match dubbed Chairly Legal. Dang it why do I have to love puns? The exchange of shoulders goes to Shera and he hammers away in the corner. Hernandez gets in a shot of his own though and the first chair shot goes over Shera’s back. Some chairs are set up at ringside but Hernandez spends too much time on the building, allowing Shera to chair him down. Back in and Hernandez gets in a chair shot of his own and wedges some chairs in the corner.

Shera goes face first into a chair in the middle of the ring for two and the big ax handles keep him down. A quick spinebuster gives Shera two and they head outside with Hernandez taking over again. Some chairs are thrown in and Shera manages to superplex him onto the pile for two. Hernandez is right back up with chair shots of his own but here is Rohit Raju to blast Hernandez with a chair. A confused Shera gets the pin at 9:01.

Rating: C. Another not too bad match here with Shera getting a lot better, mainly due to not having everything focused on some stupid dance. The chairs were the focal point here and they didn’t go outside of that, which made enough sense for a one off match like this. Hernandez is fine in this role and that is all he needs to be. Not a great match but it fit in well on a show like this one.

We go to Swinger’s Palace where Chris Sabin and James Storm aren’t happy with being told to take the night off. XXXL comes in and can’t get a seat so a match is set up for…well actually one isn’t because XXXL gets to sit down. Matt Cardona comes in to ask what the deal is around here. He says Swinger has been in wrestling for 150 years so here is Dreamer to it’s MATCH TIME. This isn’t Wrestle House….but Dreamer is in charge so we’re having Cardona vs. Swinger in a Crate American Bash.

Doc Gallows vs. Black Taurus

Karl Anderson and Crazzy Steve are here too. Taurus hammers away to start but misses a crossbody, allowing Gallows to hit a clothesline to take over. Gallows knocks him down again and hammers away, including an uppercut to cut off a comeback attempt. A suplex sets up a chinlock for a bit before a trip to the floor.

Taurus is sent over the barricade and we head back inside for another chinlock. With that broken up, Gallows hits a bit boot but Taurus fights up with a shot to the ace. A top rope clothesline sets up a 619 into a missile dropkick for two on Gallows. Anderson offers a distraction though and it’s a superkick into a chokebomb to finish Taurus at 9:01.

Rating: D+. This was mostly a squash until Taurus had a nice comeback. I like Taurus a good bit but there is no way he should be beating Gallows here. That being said, there is only so much that can be done when Gallows isn’t exactly giving him much throughout the match. The Brothers are not exactly my favorite people in Impact and this didn’t do much to change that idea.

Violent By Design is ready to cure Tommy Dreamer and company.

Matt Cardona vs. Johnny Swinger

Crate American Bash, meaning there is a crate at every corner with something inside to use. Swinger, with the Swingerellas, gets rolled up to start and lies about the tights being pulled. Back up and Swinger hits a strut but needs to hide in the ropes, allowing Cardona to do his own strut, which will always work. Some forearms to the back set up a Paul Orndorff elbow on Cardona and it’s time to grab the first crate. Inside….is a framed photo of Scott Hall, which is a call back to the WCW version of this match because reasons.

Swinger knocks him off the apron and into the barricade for a breather. Back in and Swinger goes for the second crate but Cardona takes him down with a jawbreaker. Swinger pulls him off the ropes though and opens the second crate to find…a rat trap. Ok that was funny. Cardona gets his knees up in the corner and adds the middle rope dropkick.

Back up and a collision gives us another double knockdown but Cardona is up first. The third crate has….something Cardona likes but he doesn’t pull it out. Swinger gets the other crate and finds some brass knuckles for a big smile. That’s about it for the smiling though as he charges into Radio Silence for the pin at 7:53.

Rating: C-. Total comedy match here and there is nothing wrong with that. Swinger is someone who has gone from a complete groan to one of the more entertaining things about Impact Wrestling, which has been a great surprise. I’m guessing the third crate has some kind of toy or action figure inside, which would be appropriate for the match, though it does make me wonder why Dreamer had these things sitting around. Anyway, this was fine.

Cardona takes the third crate with him.

Flashback Moment of the Week: Rob Van Dam vs. Sabu at Hardcore Justice 2010. You need this on a taped pay per view? This eats up nearly ten minutes.

XXXL is having trouble keeping up with James Storm and Chris Sabin’s drinking.

Here is Sami Callihan to say he tries to help people, including Trey Miguel. It worked last week and under his mentoring, Miguel could reach the next level. Passion is about taking what you want and since Sami wants to be on Hardcore Justice, he is going to be on Hardcore Justice. The open challenge is on.

Sami Callihan vs. Sam Beale

Beale is Miguel’s student and Sami runs him over to start. Sami offers him a free shot and then knocks Beale down again. Beale’s face is rubbed into the mat and Sami bites him a bit before taking it outside. Some right hands have little effect on Sami, who snaps off a t-bone suplex to drop Beale again. Back in and Beale rolls him up for two so Sami nails a hard clothesline. The package piledriver finishes Beale at 4:05.

Rating: D+. This was a storyline advancement rather than a match and while I’m not a fan of the angle, it’s not like they spent a lot of time on it. Sami messing with Trey is either going to result in a big match at Rebellion or them being the Tag Team Champions. Neither is overly appealing but PLEASE DON’T MAKE THEM A REGULAR TEAM! Just let them fight and be done with it already.

We recap Brian Myers damaging Matt Cardona’s eye Jake Something’s eye. Therefore, it’s a hardcore blindfold match.

Brian Myers vs. Jake Something

Striker: “Look up the last time someone named Jake was in a blindfold match.” Good grief. They’re both blindfolded and there are weapons at ringside. Myers gets knocked outside early on and finds a trashcan lid to take Something down. In a smart move, Myers grabs him by the wrist and then finds another weapon to hit him in the head. They head back inside with Myers dropping him again and covering, albeit with Jake on his stomach.

Back up and Jake manages a sitout powerbomb, followed by some Scott Hall style shoulders while holding Myers’ wrist. Myers manages to find the referee and send him into Jake. The knockdown allows Myers to pull up the mask and hit a low superkick, which draws out Cardona with the third crate. Cardona slaps the mat for a distraction and slides Jake the crate. A shot to the head knocks Myers out and opens the crate, revealing a bunch of action figures. Jake hits a Boss Man Slam for the pin at 5:14.

Rating: D+. Another match that wasn’t supposed to be anything more than a fun idea that advanced a bigger story. In that regard it worked out well and it isn’t like this is going to be anything more than that. Cardona vs. Myers is slowly growing on me and as long as it doesn’t get treated as anything overly serious, it should work out well. Now give Jake a new last name and everything gets better.

Tommy Dreamer and his team (Rich Swann/Willie Mack/Eddie Edwards) are ready for Violent By Design.

Rosemary vs. Alisha vs. Havok vs. Jordynne Grace vs. Susan vs. Tenille Dashwood

Weapons match and the winner gets a Knockouts Title shot at Rebellion. Actually hold on as Su Yung comes out to attack Susan and we have a replacement. Yung is too much for Dashwood, who runs off rather than deal with her. Grace hammers on Alisha in the corner while Rosemary and Havok knock Young outside. That team lasts all of three seconds before they knock each other to the floor. Dashwood grabs Grace’s leg so the chase is on, meaning Kaleb With A K almost hits Dashwood with a frying pan by mistake.

It’s time for the staple gun and Kaleb With A K takes the shot to save Dashwood. That leaves Havok to legdrop Alisha for two with Grace making the save. The big staredown goes to Grace, who cuts off Alisha’s try with a trashcan. Grace plants Alisha for two with Yung making the save this time as you can see Susan being taken to the back (only took the referees the better part of ten minutes to help her). Yung beats on Grace until Havok comes in with a noose to take her down. Rosemary gets the Upside Down on Grace and it’s time for little red bag of thumbtacks.

Alisha hits something like a reverse DDT to drive Rosemary into them before whipping out a kendo stick (which is dubbed Kendra). Yung gives Alisha the Mandible Claw to cut that off and drag her away, which can’t end well. Havok and Grace slug it out with Havok knocking her down (allowing Striker to get in the always wrong “they’re all the same height on the mat”) and going up. Cue Nevaeh to throw powder in Havok’s eyes though and Kaleb With A K adds a superkick. Grace is back up with a Vader Bomb to Havok but Dashwood comes in and steals the pin at 9:43.

Rating: C-. This started to drag a bit in the middle but Dashwood winning actually surprised me. It is nice to see her FINALLY moving up as she has every tool imaginable but for some reason nothing has clicked yet. The weapons were a pretty minor part here but hopefully this leads to Yung returning full time. Susan isn’t working so give us what works better for a change. Not much of a match, but the right person won.

XXXL is very drunk but still want their match. James Storm says it’s time…..to play beer pong apparently. Chris Sabin throws the ball at the cup and knocks it off the table, so Larry D. offers to show him how it’s done. This misses completely, with Swinger dubbing him Knuckleball Schwartz. Storm throws a ball at Larry and the fight is on with Storm and Sabin standing tall, allowing Storm to drop a ball in the cup for the win. Swinger panics because he forgot to pay for his insurance.

Deonna Purrazzo talks about how important Jazz is but her time has passed. Tonight Purrazzo will prove that and it is title vs. career.

Knockouts Title: Deonna Purrazzo vs. Jazz

Jazz is challenging with her career on the line. An early spinwheel kick gives Jazz two and she starts in on the arm. That’s fine with Purrazzo, who catches her with an arm snap across the top rope. The armbar is on but Jazz gets in an elbow to the face, only to get pulled into a Downward Spiral for two. Purrazzo stays on the arm and ties Jazz’s limbs around the bottom rope for a change of pace. Some kicks put Jazz on the floor so she has to pull herself back in, allowing Purrazzo to stomp away some more.

They head outside with Purrazzo hammering away until Jazz runs her over. It’s time to throw in some weapons and they head inside again, with Jazz nailing the snap jabs. An X Factor gets two but Purrazzo goes after the arm again to take over. The title is brought in but Purrazzo pulls it away and chairs her down. A DDT onto the chair gives Jazz two and frustration is setting in. Jazz can’t get a double chickenwing so Purrazzo snaps off an exploder suplex. The Queen’s Gambit retains the title at 13:08.

Rating: C+. They were going for the big, emotional moment here and came pretty close to nailing it. Jazz might not be the biggest legend of all time but she has wrestled everywhere and done pretty well for a long time, so it is more than ok to give her something like this. Solid enough match too, making this feel like a good co-main event.

Post match Purrazzo leaves and Jazz gets the big sendoff, with Jordynne Grace coming in to thank her. This would be a lot better if Striker would shut up about Mama calling on the Louisiana wind and her children always waiting. Just….stop talking sometimes man.

Tommy Dreamer has been attacked so the main event will be 4-3.

Eddie Edwards/Willie Mack/Rich Swann vs. Violent By Design

This a Hardcore War, meaning WarGames (minus the cage) with two men starting for three minutes and the team who won a coin toss (Violent By Design) sending in another man after two minutes. Two minutes later, the other team evens things up. Once all eight are in, it is the first fall to win with No DQ of course. Eddie Edwards and Deaner start things off on the floor as Striker wants Dreamer to come out in the Willis Reed or Kirk Gibson moment.

They knock each other around on the floor before heading inside, where Eddie hits a belly to belly suplex. That sends them back outside…and then get back in, with Eddie hammering away to take over. The Backpack Stunner connects as time expires, with Striker, who read the rules earlier, not being sure who has the advantage. Rhino is in to make it 2-1 and the slow beating is on. Brown talks about how Rhino has changed, to the point where Rhino won’t even speak to him.

As I try to imagine Brown and Rhino as a team with Rhino doing the head shake, Willie Mack, with Kenny and a chain (which Striker thinks sounds like a country song) comes in to even things up. The good guys take over with various weapons shots, including a toaster (Brown: “I love French toast.”) until Joe Doering comes in to make it 3-2.

Edwards and Mack jump the monster but he knocks both of them down at once without much trouble. Deaner puts Mack’s hand in the toaster and bends it back until Rich Swann is in to even it up. Swann cleans house, including kicking Doering low, with a handicap parking sign. With Violent By Design down, Swann and Edwards set up a table at ringside as Eric Young comes in to complete the villains.

Young brings in a hockey stick to beat on people in various painful ways until the countdown is on and…..Trey Miguel evens things up with a golf club. Miguel gets in Doering’s face and gets crushed with a crossbody, which has Striker loudly thanking God for Doering. Deaner beats on Mack but gets caught with Swann’s handspring cutter. Rhino Gores Swann through a table in the corner for two, meaning it’s time to go to the corner.

The Tower of Doom plants everyone but Doering, who puts Eddie on a table outside. Miguel gets up with a top rope Meteora to drive Doering through Eddie through the table though, leaving Mack 3-1 inside. Rhino is sent outside and a pop up Downward Spiral gets two on Doering with Young making the save. Young is back up with the piledriver to finish Mack at 20:25.

Rating: C+. This was pretty good but felt a bit like the hold house show versions of WarGames in the NWA days. Yeah it’s a big, violent match but don’t expect anything taken to the next level. Miguel coming in to replace Dreamer was a surprise and Dreamer not getting the spotlight was nice. They did well enough for a main event here, but it’s no classic, at least partially due to Striker’s odd obsession with Doering.

Overall Rating: C. I’m not sure how much more you were expecting from a hardcore themed show over Wrestlemania weekend. It advanced some stories and gave us a few good moments with some talented wrestlers. For $10, that’s about all you can ask for and it worked out as well as could be expected. Nothing worth seeing on here, but if you throw it on, you won’t have the worst time.

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ECW on Sci Fi
Date: November 7, 2006
Location: Mark of the Quad, Moline, Illinois
Commentators: Tazz, Joey Styles

We’re coming up on December To Dismember and that means the Extreme Elimination Chamber is coming. You might consider this a warning, but we need to have some more participants set for the thing. I’m not sure what else we are going to have on the way there, but this place is in need of something fresh. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a recap of last week’s main event with Paul Heyman dressing like a gorilla to attack Rob Van Dam from behind. Heyman can be a weird guy.

Opening sequence.

Extreme Elimination Chamber Qualifying Match: Mike Knox vs. CM Punk

Knox sends Kelly Kelly to the back to make him even more of a heel. They trade shots to the face in the corner to start with Punk kicking him in the head for two. Knox elbows him in the face though and starts stomping away until Punk ties him in the ropes for something close to the Anaconda Vice. The springboard clothesline sends Knox outside and an Oklahoma roll gives Punk two back inside. Knox knees him in the back for two and a backbreaker makes it worse.

We hear about these two being parts of Team Rated RKO and Team DX at Survivor Series as a backbreaker gives Knox two. Punk fights out of a chinlock so Knox powerbombs him down. That doesn’t last long though as Punk is back up with the series of forearms but another backbreaker gives Knox another two. Knox takes him up top but a superplex is broken up, allowing Punk to hit a high crossbody. The Anaconda Vice makes Knox tap.

Rating: C-. This was about all you could have expected, though I can’t imagine this is the end of the feud. Punk is a rising star and Knox could be any muscle headed numskull who is there to stand in his way. The Kelly Kelly factor still needs to be dealt with, but for now this was all it needed to be.

Elijah Burke and Sylvester Terkay are now in ECW. Well they certainly are new.

Here is Paul Heyman, with security and gorilla head, for a chat. He promises announcements tonight but first of all, we take a look at him attacking Rob Van Dam last week. That’s why tonight it’s Van Dam/Hardcore Holly vs. Big Show/Heyman himself. One more thing: we already have four participants in the Extreme Elimination Chamber and a fifth will be named tonight. Therefore, we’ll have the final name announced next week, and it can be anyone from Raw, Smackdown or ECW.

CM Punk will be on Ghost Hunters tonight.

Daivari vs. Little Guido

Great Khali is here with Daivari and Trinity is here with Guido. It’s a brawl to start with Daivari getting the better of things and ripping at Guido’s face on the ropes. A sunset flip doesn’t do much for Guido as Daivari sends him into the buckle for his efforts. Guido gets in a dropkick for two but it’s the hammerlock DDT to give Daivari the fast pin.

Post match Khali lays out Guido again.

Here’s what John Cena has done to promote the Marine.

Extreme Elimination Chamber Qualifying Match: Test vs. Tommy Dreamer

Test elbows him in the face in the corner to start but Dreamer is right back with the Cactus Clothesline. That earns Dreamer some rams into the post to keep him in trouble and we hit the chinlock with a knee in the back. Make it an armbar, followed by a chinlock as Test can’t make his mind up. Dreamer fights up and hits a neckbreaker but the DDT is blocked. The referee misses a low blow from Test and it’s a big boot into the TKO for the pin.

Rating: D+. Another match where there wasn’t a ton of drama coming in but that’s fine. Sometimes you need to just get the job done and that is what they did here. I know Dreamer is the ECW original but is anyone asking to see him in a big time title match? Test might not be much, but he’s higher on the food chain than Dreamer right now.

Rob Van Dam/Hardcore Holly vs. Big Show/Paul Heyman

Heyman is in a track suit and has the security with him. Van Dam goes for Heyman to start but gets knocked down by Show, who takes him into the corner. Heyman is bouncing up and down on the apron as Show hammers away on Van Dam. It’s too early to dive over for the hot tag as Show takes him down again and chokes away on the mat. The fans are actually chanting for Holly, which is about as bizarre as you can get.

Holly goes outside to scare security away from Van Dam, causing Heyman to panic and shout about keeping Holly back. A running clothesline drops Van Dam again and Show holds his arms back so Heyman can get in a few slaps. Van Dam tries slugging away and gets dropped with another clothesline. Show misses a charge though and gets caught with a spinwheel kick in the corner. Van Dam gets over for the tag….and Holly turns on Van Dam because of course he does. The referee throws it out as Holly chairs Van Dam down.

Rating: C. They weren’t really hiding what they were going for here as Holly didn’t do anything physical until the end of the match. The more I think about it, the more I think this might be a better move, as Punk is starting to move up the ladder and can be the second face on the show. I know Holly was getting cheered, but he is going to have a pretty firm ceiling above him no matter what. It might not be the best move in the short term, but it is in the long term.

The Alabama Slam onto the chair leaves Van Dam laying to end the show as Styles thinks Holly is working with Heyman to get into the Chamber.

Overall Rating: C. The wrestling wasn’t the point here, but rather the fact that they have something to build towards. It gives the show a much needed structure and narrative, which have been lacking for most of its run so far. I’m curious as to who is going to be the final entrant, but they could absolutely use another name from outside to build up the roster. Not a great show, but an encouraging one.

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Impact Wrestling
Date: April 8, 2021
Location: Skyway Studios, Nashville, Tennessee
Commentators: Matt Striker, D’Lo Brown

It’s the first show on a new night as Impact is back on Thursdays. As a result it is time for a stacked card, including the first ever Kenny Omega match around here. Throw in the fact that we are less than three weeks away from Rebellion and it is time to start setting up the card. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening recap.

Opening sequence.

Jordynne Grace/Havok/Rosemary vs. Tenille Dashwood/Nevaeh/Alisha Edwards

There are all kinds of people at ringside. Grace drives Alisha into the corner to start but she is right back with a quick Downward Spiral for two. A Jackhammer gets two on Alisha and it’s off to Rosemary to scary Dashwood out to the floor. The chase lets Havok knock Dashwood down but Kaleb With A K gets her off the table. Grace hits a big dive onto Kaleb but gets taken into the corner for some rapid fire stomping.

Dashwood charges into some boots though and Grace rolls over for the tag off to Rosemary. House is cleaned in a hurry and Rosemary catches Alisha in the Upside Down. Alisha is back up as everything breaks down again. Nevaeh Russian legsweeps Havok off the apron and through the table at ringside, leaving Rosemary to hit the Red Wedding to finish Alisha at 7:49.

Rating: C-. As usual, there is only so much you can do when you have this many people involved in a match, especially including everyone on the floor. The match wasn’t bad by any means, but it is just a preview of the Hardcore Justice match. Thankfully they didn’t stay out there too long, as I’ve rarely gotten the idea behind seeing people wrestle on one show to get to see them wrestle on another show later in the week.

Here’s what’s coming tonight.

Matt Cardona wants Brian Myers but tonight he’ll settle for Jake Something.

Coming soon: Let’s Get WILDE.

Susan seems to have some Su Yung flashbacks.

Matt Cardona vs. Jake Something

Cardona’s headlock doesn’t last long so Jake powers him out to the floor for a running shoulder. A basement dropkick puts Jake outside again but he’s right back in to run through Cardona without much trouble. Cardona flips out of a suplex and grabs a neckbreaker for a breather and hits a quick faceplant to rock him again. Radio Silence is countered into a sitout powerbomb for two and they crash out to the floor over the top. Cue Brian Myers to jump both of them at the same time for the DQ at 4:59.

Rating: C. This didn’t have time to get very far but it was nice to see Cardona being treated as someone who is just being himself instead of some former WWE star. He is starting to fit in around here and that is a great thing for a change. Hopefully we are getting something better with the Myers feud though, because it isn’t exactly thrilling stuff so far. Jake continues to just be there, probably because his last name is Something.

Post match Myers hits Cardona in the face with the steps, possibly taking out Cardona’s eye. Sure he’ll fight Cardona at Hardcore Justice.

XXXL laughs at Trey Miguel but he isn’t teaming with Sami Callihan. More insulting seems to make Miguel think about it though.

Eric Young blames Deaner for last week’s loss but worry not, because Deaner can make up for it tonight.

XXXL vs. Sami Callihan/Trey Miguel

Well in theory at least because there is no Miguel. Actually scratch that as yes there is, and he charges into the ring to go after both monsters on his own. Trey sends them to the floor and loads up a dive but Sami tags himself in and we take a break. Back with Acey planting Trey with a side slam. XXXL picks Trey up and drops him down for a crash but Sami comes in for the save. Trey tags himself back in and they glare at each other, setting up the stereo dives. Back in and Trey grabs the Hourglass to make Larry tap at 7:47.

Rating: D+. Yeah we’re going with this story again because it is something that just cannot go away forever. I’m not sure why people find this interesting, but for some reason the tag partners who hate each other keeps coming up over and over. Now it’s Sami and Trey, because there was nothing else that could be done with them and this is as good as we can get because reasons. Nothing match of course, because this is all about the tired idea that we’ve forever, because of course it is.

Chris Harris and James Storm have a good time at Swinger’s Palace.

Chris Sabin vs. Deaner

Sabin starts fast with some rollups for two each before working on the arm. Deaner gets more serious by choking away in the corner but Sabin is back with a dragon screw legwhip. A running boot in the corner sets up a fisherman’s driver for two. Deaner’s rollup gets two as Sabin’s foot is underneath the rope so he sends Sabin into the corner instead. A pull out into a sitout powerbomb gets two but Deaner’s rollup with feet on the ropes only gets two. Sabin is right back with the Cradle Shock for the pin at 5:35.

Rating: C-. Another match which was designed to continue the story of one of the weaker stables going on at the moment. I’m still not getting into Violent By Design and Young’s brainwashing of a guy who was a redneck pest about three months ago. Sabin is still good for almost anything though and it is nice to see him back in the ring on his own for a change.

Post match Eric Young pops up on screen and Chris Harris has been attacked. Rhino comes in and Gores Sabin as Young shouts again like he does every single week.

Josh Alexander tells Ace Austin about a triple threat match for the X-Division Title. TJP comes in and is rather happy about it as well but here’s Tommy Dreamer to make a hardcore triple threat tag match for Hardcore Justice with TJP, Austin and Alexander getting to pick a partner.

Post break, Eric Young comes up to Tommy Dreamer and doesn’t like him being in charge at Hardcore Justice. Dreamer says he’ll get some friends and fight Violent By Design at Hardcore Justice too.

Video on Jazz’s career and how she went everywhere in the industry.

Deonna Purrazzo is ready for Jazz, because she is ready to take over the foundation that Jazz has built. She is even willing to face Jazz on her own.

Tommy Dreamer catches up with Brian Myers and makes it Myers vs. Cardona a hardcore blindfold match.

Here’s what’s coming at Hardcore Justice.

Willie Mack/Rich Swann/Eddie Edwards vs. Kenny Omega/Good Brothers

Don Callis handles Omega’s entrance. It’s a brawl to start with Swann and Omega being left alone. Omega tries a dive to the floor but takes out the Good Brothers by mistake. Swann and company hit their own dives and we take a break. Back with Anderson getting triple teamed, including a flipping legdrop to the back of the neck getting two. Gallows comes in to drive Edwards into the corner as Striker thinks the Good Brothers are bad role models.

Omega drives Edwards’ face into the mat and it’s back to Gallows for a chinlock. This lets Striker talk about how great Omega is and saying if you don’t like him, there is more than enough wrestling around. So yeah, if you don’t like what you’re seeing here, change the channel. Edwards gets up and brings in Mack to clean house The standing moonsault hits Anderson and Omega at the same time but Gallows takes him down and hammers away.

We take another break and come back again with Omega dropping an elbow on Mack before handing it off to Anderson, who misses a charge. Striker talks about how obnoxious it gets to have Omega and the Brothers praising Japan all the time. Yeah imagine a wrestler trying to sound smarter and cooler than everyone else. And imagine them getting to do commentary for two hours a week.

A chinlock keeps Mack in trouble but Omega falls down on a slam attempt. Mack hits a double clothesline to Anderson and Omega, allowing the hot tag to Swann. A double bulldog gets two on Omega and everything breaks down. Omega drops Edwards and it’s time for the parade of people hitting each other in the face. The V Trigger drops Mack and a triple splash (with Striker pointing out that they did it in Japan) gets two on Edwards with Swann making the save.

The tag brings in Swann and for the slugout with Omega, who tries the quick One Winged Angel. Swann escapes, with Striker saying that means Swann can escape the One Winged Angel. Swann’s 450 gets two and Callis has to break up the pin. No matter as the Boston Knee Party to Anderson sets up the Phoenix splash for the pin at 22:26.

Rating: B-. It was an entertaining enough match and they did a nice job of making Swann seem like a bit more of a threat to Omega. Now granted this might have raised his chances of winning from zero percent up to about a third of a single percent because Omega is absolutely walking out with another title, but at least they tried. The other people were just kind of there, but Edwards vs. Omega could be interesting.

Overall Rating: C. This is one of the better Impacts in a bit, mainly because they were doing a rapid fire build towards Hardcore Justice and couldn’t waste a bunch of time. I’m still not wild on a lot of the things that they are doing at the moment, but at least they have something to do and that is more than you can say about them for the last few….well months probably.

Results

Rosemary/Jordynne Grace/Havok b. Tenille Dashwood/Nevaeh/Alisha Edwards – Red Wedding to Edwards

Matt Cardona vs. Jake Something went to a double DQ when Brian Myers interfered

Trey Miguel/Sami Callihan b. XXXL – Hourglass to Larry D.

Chris Sabin b. Deaner – Cradle Shock

Rich Swann/Willie Mack/Eddie Edwards b. Kenny Omega/Good Brothers – Phoenix splash to Anderson

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ECW on Sci Fi
Date: October 10, 2006
Location: Kansas Coliseum, Wichita, Kansas
Attendance: 5,585
Commentators: Joey Styles, Tazz

We’re coming off a good show last week as Test beat Rob Van Dam in a pretty good Extreme Rules match. That being said, I’m not entirely sure where things are supposed to go. This show is dying for some top faces and I’m not sure how many of them are available. As for tonight though, it’s an Attitude Era flashback with Extreme Strip Poker. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

This one is rated TV-MA and we get a special disclaimer.

We go straight to the poker room, with Balls Mahoney as our dealer. The women introduce themselves and talk about how nice their underwear is. Mahoney gets to the rules: everyone is dealt a card, lowest card loses clothing. Dang it I was looking forward to seeing the poker. Ashley loses first and hands Mahoney her shirt.

Opening sequence.

CM Punk vs. Rene Dupree

Punk takes him down for an early two as we go split screen to see Kelly Kelly taking off her shoes. Dupree gets in a right hand to knock Punk off the apron and into the announcers’ table as we see Trinity lose part of her top. Back in the arena, Punk fights out of a chinlock and hits a running leg lariat. A powerslam sets up the Anaconda Vice to make Dupree tap.

Rating: D+. The match was nothing more than an excuse to have the poker deal going on at the same time, which is likely going to be a theme tonight. Punk winning is the right move of course and while Dupree losing so soon is a bit strange, how far was he going to go around here in the first place? Dupree isn’t someone with much of a future and I think that’s been known since the day he showed up around here.

Maria takes off her stockings and Candice loses her skirt.

Post break and it’s Dealer’s Choice, meaning Mahoney gets to pick what the loser loses. Krystal loses her skirt. Ashley spanks her and a brawl is teased.

Kevin Thorn vs. Tommy Dreamer

Ariel is here with Thorn. Dreamer is sent shoulder first into the post as we see Ashley losing her shoes. The arm is bent around the ropes and the armbar goes on as Ashley helps Candice remove her top. Dreamer gets a boot up in the corner and hits a suplex for two. A middle rope elbow misses though and a sitout Rock Bottom into a spinebuster gives Thorn two of his own. Dreamer gets knocked to the apron but manages a neck snap across the top, setting up the DDT for the pin.

Rating: D+. Another nothing match and that’s not surprising given the main theme of the show. In the opposite of the opener, I’m not sure I get the idea of having Thorn lose here as even though the vampire gimmick is hardly something with the best long term hope, Thorn has enough of a presence to him that you could see him becoming something. This is hardly a death sentence, but it’s kind of a weird choice.

Kristal loses her shoes and Mahoney is rather happy.

Video on Hardcore Holly’s injury against Rob Van Dam two weeks ago, plus Test attacking him last week.

The women talk about men they find attractive. This turns into a Marine discussion, plus talking about Batista. Kelly is asked about CM Punk but Mahoney cuts it off to deal another hand. Kelly loses her skirt but throws in the top and bra for bonuses.

Video on the Marine premiere at Camp Pendleton.

Rob Van Dam/Sabu/Sandman vs. Test/Big Show/Matt Striker

During the entrances, Ashley loses her skirt and Kristal loses her top as the camera avoids the now topless Kelly. Test and Van Dam start things off with Van Dam being stomped down in the corner. The middle rope spinning crossbody and a kick to the face drop Test and it’s a Rolling Thunder/slingshot legdrop combination to give Sabu two. Sandman comes in and gets dropped in a hurry, meaning it’s off to Striker to hammer away.

Maria loses her skirt and we come back with Show coming in for the showdown with Sandman. Trinity loses her skirt as well and Test gets in a cheap shot from the apron to slow Sabu down. We take a break and come back with Test hitting a series of backbreakers for two on Sabu. It’s off to Striker for two off a neckbreaker and a running knee sends Sabu outside.

Van Dam has to save Sabu from Test and it’s back inside for Striker’s clothesline. Show runs Sabu over and Maria loses her top (Tazz: “I guess she lost a hand or something there.”). Test stomps on Sabu and we hit the bearhug. Striker dives into a kick to the face and the hot tag brings in Van Dam to clean house. Everything breaks down and the Five Star hits Striker, setting up Sandman’s Rolling Rock for the pin.

Rating: C-. It was strange seeing Sabu and Sandman wrestle a normal match and I think I can see why it didn’t happen very often. The match was hardly terrible but it was slow and boring without varying from the standard formula in the slightest. It was nice to see someone other than Van Dam get the win and Test continues to be fine as the monster, but it felt like a house show main event on TV.

We go back to the poker with Kelly covering herself and Candice losing and accusing Maria of cheating. The catfight is on and they lose the rest of their clothes so censored nudity (Mahoney: “ECW! I LOVE THIS JOB! ECW!”) ends the show.

Overall Rating: D+. This show was about one thing and one thing only and that worked about as well as you could have expected it to. What else was going to happen here? The women wore their outfits, then wore smaller outfits, then there was a segment at the end to appeal to 12-13 year olds. It was a ratings ploy that felt straight out of the Attitude Era and while not exactly interesting, it served its purpose well enough. In other words, stupid, not exactly thrilling, and as expected.

Then there was everything else and that wasn’t much. This show didn’t exactly offer anything of note in the realm of groundbreaking material, but the women were the focus anyway. It isn’t a good sign that we’re four months into the show and they already need ratings ploys, but Renee Dupree, Tommy Dreamer and Matt Striker aren’t going to draw in the biggest audiences. I got what they were going for here and fair enough, but a totally skippable show this week.

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ECW on Sci Fi
Date: October 3, 2006
Location: Landon Arena, Topeka, Kansas
Commentators: Joey Styles, Tazz

Things have gotten a bit more interesting around here in recent weeks after Hardcore Holly ripped his back apart in a match with Rob Van Dam last week. That is the kind of moment that made this place actually feel extreme and if they can do something like that (without horribly injuring someone) they might be onto something. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Paul Heyman and Hardcore Holly look at the injury last week with Heyman saying Holly can’t wrestle Rob Van Dam tonight, no matter how much he wants to. Heyman is worried about a lawsuit but Holly grabs him by the coat (Heyman: “BOB!”) and shoves him into a locker. Cue Test with a chair to the back to put Holly down in agony. Test will get to face Rob Van Dam tonight instead.

Opening sequence.

Sandman/Sabu vs. Matt Striker/Big Show

That is one of the oddest tag matches I have ever seen. Sabu and Show start things off with the right hands not having any effect on the giant. A headbutt drops Sabu and it’s off to Striker to slowly stomp away. The springboard leg lariat puts Striker down but Show low bridges Sabu out to the floor.

We take a break and come back with Show suplexing Sabu so Striker can get two. Striker sends Sabu face first into Show’s raised boot and then takes him down by the hair. Sabu gets in a shot of his own though and the hot tag brings in Sandman (to a heck of a pop). Everything breaks down and Show breaks up the White Russian legsweep. A splash from Show lets Striker steal the pin.

Rating: D+. As weird as that was, including the loud pop for Sandman’s hot tag, this wasn’t much of a match. I’m not sure what you would have expected from something like this though, as you have Show and almost no one else, which doesn’t make for the strongest setup. I do like them trying something fresh though as they have to bring in someone new at some point.

We look at Holly being attacked again. Turning Holly face off of that injury would be….I’m not sure how that would work actually.

Kelly Kelly and Trinity promote next week’s Extreme Strip Poker with Kelly opening her top to reveal a pair of strategically placed aces.

Tommy Dreamer vs. Kevin Thorn

Ariel is here with Thorn, who shoves Dreamer off the middle rope to start and hammers away. A missed charge in the corner lets Dreamer grab a neckbreaker for two and there’s a swinging neckbreaker for the same. The Dreamer DDT gets two as Ariel puts the foot on the rope. The referee yells at her, allowing Thorn to get in the walking stick shot for the pin.

Rating: D+. Another lame match here, mainly due to the time. Thorn still feels like a token supernatural character and that isn’t the most appealing idea. Dreamer is still fine enough for a midcard spot around here and it would be weird to not have him as part of ECW. Not very good here, but what else were they supposed to do?

The Marine still exists.

Maria and Candice Michelle want to play poker.

CM Punk vs. Danny Doring

Butterfly backbreaker into the kick to the head and Anaconda Vice for the tap in just over a minute.

Post match Kelly Kelly comes out and dances for Punk but Mike Knox cuts her off. Knox tells him to stay away from Kelly, but Punk says she won’t stay away from him. The brawl is teased but doesn’t happen.

Ashley and Kristal have more poker trash talk, because that’s a thing.

Rob Van Dam vs. Test

Extreme Rules. Van Dam kicks away to start but gets sent outside in a heap. The choking on the barricade doesn’t work but neither does Rob’s spinning kick to the back. That’s enough for a banged up knee so Test grabs the steps, which bounce off the post and fall back onto his face instead. Despite the bad knee, Van Dam hits Rolling Thunder onto Test onto the steps.

The table is set up at ringside but Test blasts him with a clothesline back inside. A chair is kicked into Rob’s face and Test puts another one in the corner. Rob is able to grab a chair and throw it at Test’s face, setting up a heck of a sunset powerbomb to send Test through the table (in a nice call back to Holly’s injury). We take a break and come back with Paul Heyman coming out to the ring. Test kicks Van Dam low and then sends him outside, where the security guards beat up Van Dam even more.

Back in and Van Dam is sent head first into the chair in the corner for two. The bearhug goes on so Rob escapes in a hurry, only to get chaired in the face again. The turnbuckle pad was taken off somewhere in there but Van Dam kicks him down for a save. Rob skateboards the chair into Test’s face in the corner but Rolling Thunder only hits chair.

Test goes up top with a chair and drives it onto the chair onto Van Dam’s face (that looked good) for two. Another table is set up inside, where Van Dam counters a powerbomb into a sunset flip for two of his own. Test goes into the exposed buckle and is then sat on the table, but Van Dam has to go after the security guards. Cue Show to send Van Dam through the table and Test’s TKO is good for the pin.

Rating: B-. That has to be Test’s best match ever and while it was hidden behind a bunch of smoke and mirrors, it worked out rather well in the end. Test gets the big win and Van Dam’s punishment continues, but they need to give him something sooner or later. Heck of a main event though and I had a lot of fun with the whole thing.

Overall Rating: C+. The main event helped a lot but next week’s show does not sound like their best offering. It’s good that they are setting up stories for later, but there are still a bunch of things that are not exactly interesting. The strip poker deal might be the biggest ratings ploy ever and feels like it belongs on Raw in 1999, though it should do its job well enough. I liked enough stuff on here and given where some of the previous shows had been, this worked fine.

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ECW on Sci Fi
Date: September 19, 2006
Location: DCU Arena, Worcester, Massachusetts
Commentators: Joey Styles, Tazz

We’re continuing with the guest stars this week as King Booker is here. There are worse ideas than having him around, though I can’t imagine it being some big game changer. Other than that, we’ll likely get more of the ECW Originals vs. new guys, which should have some legs just for how many people are involved. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

King Booker and Queen Sharmell arrive, with Paul Heyman literally rolling out the red carpet. Heyman is going to introduce them to his locker room.

Opening sequence.

Sabu/Tommy Dreamer/Sandman vs. Mike Knox/Test/Matt Striker

This is Striker’s first match on the show. Dreamer and Knox circle each other for a bit to start before it’s off to Striker, who runs away from Sandman in a hurry. Knox comes in and gets neckbreakered by Dreamer, followed by a Cactus Clothesline. Test drives Dreamer into the post and Striker knocks Sandman into the barricade….so hard that Sandman is taken out as we go to a break.

Back with the match in handicap form and Test elbowing Dreamer in the face in the corner. The running corner clothesline lets Test stand on his back and it’s off to Striker for a quickly broken chinlock. Instead, Striker hammers away with right hands before handing it back to Test for another whip into the corner.

The bearhug lets Knox take his turn at hurting Dreamer but he misses a middle rope legdrop. A reverse DDT plants Knox and the hot tag brings in Sabu to a big reaction. House is cleaned, including the springboard spinning legdrop to Knox, plus Air Sabu. Test saves Striker from the camel clutch and then shoves the referee into the ropes to crotch Sabu on top….which is the ultra rare ECW DQ, which does not have the fans in the best mood.

Rating: D+. As usual, one of the biggest problems continues to be the lack of anything outside of basic power moves from Test and Knox. They aren’t interesting and having them as some of the higher profile heels on the show isn’t doing ECW any favors. The ECW Originals are fine as a unit with nothing else to do, but it’s not like Sandman being out of the match caused any major changes.

Post match the big beatdown is on until Sandman staggers out for the save with the Singapore cane.

Heyman introduces King Booker and Queen Sharmell to CW Anderson and Stevie Richards, but they are both disturbed by Balls Mahoney.

Kevin Thorn vs. Balls Mahoney

Ariel is here with Thorn so Mahoney brings out Francine in her debut. The women almost get in a fight before the match so Thorn knocks Mahoney outside. Back in and the beating continues until Mahoney grabs a quick kind of powerbomb for two. Ariel trips him down though, meaning the catfight is on (ok go ahead Joey). Mahoney gets distracted and a Razor’s Edge out of the corner gives Thorn the pin.

Booker and Sharmell meet the FBI and Trinity, who does not please Sharmell. Next up is CM Punk, who explains straightedge. Punk likes the idea of a World Title shot against Booker so Heyman hurries the royals out.

Shannon Moore vs. CM Punk

Yes again, though this time Kelly Kelly comes out to watch. Punk hammers away to start and hits a leg lariat, followed by the surfboard to put Moore in more trouble. That’s broken up and Moore gets in some shots of his own as Mike Knox comes out to take Kelly to the back. Punk fights out of a chinlock and kicks away but Moore counters the bulldog out of the corner. A spinwheel kick sets up a Whisper in the Wind but Punk sidesteps the flying man with the neon mohawk without much effort. The high kick sets up the Rock Bottom into the Anaconda Vice for the tap.

Rating: C-. Punk is always fun to watch and moving him up to face Knox over Kelly is certain better than having him beat up ECW Originals and Shannon Moore over and over. The match was nothing of course, but the whole point was to have Kelly out there and set up something with Knox. It’s not overly interesting, but it’s a good step for Punk, which is a good idea.

King Booker and Queen Sharmell run into Rob Van Dam. The non-title Extreme Rules match is set up for tonight.

Rene Dupree brags about beating Balls Mahoney last week.

Video on John Cena in the Marine. Again.

Rob Van Dam vs. King Booker

Non-title and Extreme Rules. Rob strikes away in the corner to start but gets shoved off the top and into the barricade to put him down early. Booker whips him hard into the steps, meaning it’s time to bring in a chair. A kick to the face misses but Booker grabs the Book End, setting up the Spinarooni (Extreme Royal version). That takes too long though so Rob knocks him into the corner, setting up the skatedboarded chair to the face. Rolling Thunder onto the chair onto Booker connects but it’s a rather delayed two.

The fans want tables but settle for Rob wedging a chair into the corner instead. Since Rob set it up though, he gets catapulted head first into the chair for a nasty crash. The spinebuster onto the chair makes it worse but the Houston Hangover only hits chair. The Five Star connects but here’s Hardcore Holly to chair Van Dam in the back. Holly hits the Alabama Slam and Booker adds the ax kick for the pin.

Rating: C. The match was about as paint by numbers as you can get but they are talented people having a paint by numbers match so it worked out just fine. Holly interfering is a good way to get out of things while keeping Van Dam strong and that’s about as important of a thing as they can do at the moment. The match felt like it belonged on a house show but around here, that’s all it needed to be.

Overall Rating: C-. The lack of star power continues to shine through rather hard around here with Booker being the latest name they have to bring in to help things out. There are only two main event level stars around here in Big Show and Van Dam, but how many times can they use those two? That’s why CM Punk could be the next best hope, because you can see the star power in him. Odds are that is a long way off though so for now, this was another not so great show.

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Impact Wrestling
Date: February 16, 2021
Location: Skyway Studios, Nashville, Tennessee
Commentators: D’Lo Brown, Matt Striker

We’re done with No Surrender and that means it’s time to get moving towards Rebellion. There weren’t a ton of changes coming out of No Surrender but one of the more interesting ones saw Josh Alexander becoming the new #1 contender to the X-Division Title. The question for tonight is seeing what we’ll be seeing from AEW next. And what is up with Tommy Dreamer. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a No Surrender recap.

David Finlay and Juice Robinson, better known as FinJuice, are coming from New Japan. Well that’s an upgrade.

Opening sequence.

X-Division Title: Josh Alexander vs. TJP

TJP is defending and they’re starting fast this week. Commentary hypes the heck out of the guys and the title so well done so far. They go to the mat to start and the threat of an ankle lock sends TJP straight to the ropes. Back up and an abdominal stretch has Alexander in some trouble but that’s broken up. An anklescissors takes Alexander down but he grabs an ankle lock. STRIKER: “STAND UP AND APPLAUD!” No.

Alexander takes him down and works on the ankle some more before switching to some leg cranking. A surfboard has TJP in even more trouble but he slips out and grabs a triangle choke. That’s broken up with a powerbomb backbreaker but TJP slaps it on again. This time Alexander takes him into the corner and catapults him into the middle buckle for a clever counter. Alexander puts a knee in the back and cranks on both arms, only to have TJP flip forward….and not break a thing. Well they can’t all work.

Back up and the abdominal stretch is broken up so TJP climbs on his back and tries a full nelson but can’t get the hands locked. Alexander reverses into another ankle lock but this time it’s rolled out to the floor. The slingshot dropkick knocks Alexander silly and the tornado DDT gives TJP two back inside. Alexander dumps him outside in a heap but TJP dropkicks him out of the air for a double knockdown. It’s the ankle lock going on again so TJP counters again (the ankle lock isn’t working at all here), this time with an enziguri.

TJP goes up top but gets kicked in the head but can’t hit a super Divine Intervention. Instead TJP shoves him off the top and the Mamba Splash…hits raised knees. Another ankle lock, this time with the grapevine, has Striker getting WAY too excited as TJP escapes again. Another Divine Intervention is countered into the Octopus, which is countered into, say it with me, the ankle lock. Say it with me again: TJP counters, this time with a slap to the face into a suplex. Josh’s big boot is countered into the Detonation Kick and the Mamba Splash retains at 11:23.

Rating: B. They were going nuts with the counters here, though Alexander’s ankle locking felt like spamming a finisher in a game. That being said, it was a heck of a match here and I wanted to see who was going to win. Granted not as much as it is going to take to validate Striker losing his mind about how awesome the match was after it’s over, but it was very good indeed.

Tommy Dreamer (before the first break) isn’t happy with what Moose did to Rich Swann on Saturday. Tonight, Moose is getting some sense beaten into him in an Old School Rules match.

Brian Myers runs into Hernandez and gives him the rest of his pay for the win at No Surrender. It worked on Saturday so let’s do the same thing again tonight, with Hernandez getting paid again if he beats Matt Cardona. Fallah Bahh comes up to say he has been looking for Hernandez. This isn’t happening again but Bahh says he is here as an investor. If Bahh gives him $20, he’ll bring him $40. Hernandez says we’ll see if he can turn $10 into $20 first. This doesn’t seem like it is going to end well.

The announcers talk about FinJuice, who are here tonight. Well that’s fast. They talk about the rest of the show as well.

Willie Mack vs. Daivari vs. Suicide vs. Trey Miguel

Daivari jumps Mack to start but gets double dropkicked to the floor for his efforts. Trey and Suicide miss some strikes and neither can snap off a Japanese armdrag. Mack is back up with a double flying shoulder to put them both down but misses a charge and crashes to the floor. Suicide backdrops Miguel outside as well but Daivari shoves him off the top for a crash.

Back up and Daivari charges into an elbow, leaving Mack to nail him with a sitout powerbomb. Mack’s Samoan drop plants Suicide and then Miguel gets the same, setting up the standing moonsault to both of them. Daivari gets in a shot on Mack but gets sent outside, leaving Miguel to hit a top rope Meteora to finish Suicide at 4:50.

Rating: C+. Take four people and let them do whatever they can to pop the crowd (or at least the one at home) for a few minutes. I’m surprised at how short it was but at least they didn’t stop while it lasted. Miguel needed the win more than anyone else and hopefully this starts him on the path to something more positive. Good while it lasted, but it didn’t last long enough.

Post match Trey runs into Sami Callihan and doesn’t seem happy. Sami talks about how Trey can’t win when everything matters, like when he lost at No Surrender. Trey storms off without saying anything.

Scott D’Amore congratulates TJP on his title defense when Ace Austin comes in with the Super X Cup. Austin wants the title shot but D’Amore makes a six man tag for next week. The winning team will face off in a triple threat the next week and the winner of that is #1 contender. That’s as Impact of an idea as I’ve heard in a long time.

Hernandez vs. Matt Cardona

Brian Myers is here with Hernandez, who throws Cardona down with ease. Back up and Cardona low bridges him to the floor, setting up the big running flip dive. Myers isn’t having this and offers a distraction, allowing Hernandez to break up Radio Silence with a low blow. Cardona gets knocked outside and we take a break. Back with Cardona fighting out of a bearhug and hitting a faceplant. The middle rope dropkick connects but Hernandez Pounces the heck out of him. The Border Toss is broken up though and Radio Silence gives Cardona the pin at 7:52.

Rating: C-. Just a quick match here and Cardona gets a win to make him look a bit better around here. That’s the kind of thing he hasn’t had yet as it has mainly been him coasting on his reputation. I’m almost getting curious to see him face Myers, though they are going to have to do it right or it isn’t going to do either of them that many favors. Hernandez was fine enough here, but anything is better than having him doing the deal with the money for months on end.

Post match Cardona says he isn’t here to pass a torch, but to ignite his own. Myers gets in the ring to say this is his place and Cardona is just trying to copy him. Cardona asks what’s up with that because they’re best friends when the camera goes off. Hernandez jumps Cardona from behind but Eddie Edwards runs in for the save.

Video on FinJuice.

Tony Schiavone and Tony Khan (in heart shaped sunglasses) hope we had a good Valentine’s Day but Khan didn’t get any gifts. He did give Impact Wrestling what they needed the most: money! It helps that it’s a charitable donation too and yes that was his idea. We run down the Dynamite card and Khan says Eddie Kingston reminds him of Michael Corleone.

Havok comes up to Nevaeh, who is sick of losing and asks where they’re going from here. Should they even be a team? No not really, but almost no Knockouts in this company should be. Tenille Dashwood comes out to suggest that she and Havok be a team but Nevaeh doesn’t like the sound of it so let’s have a match tonight. Dashwood is down.

Reno Scum vs. FinJuice

Striker loses his mind at FinJuice being here, again being far more excited than he ever is about almost anyone in Impact. Finlay and Robinson start in on Thornstowe’s arm and a double bulldog takes him down. Thornstowe is back with a spinebuster to Finlay (Brown: “SIT YOUR A** DOWN!”) and the Pit Stop makes it even worse. A missed charge in the corner allows the tag off to Robinson to clean house. Everything breaks down and there’s a double dropkick to Luster. The PowerPlex finishes Thornstowe at 4:12.

Rating: C+. Not bad for mostly a debut squash and there is nothing wrong with that. Odds are this sets up a title match against the Good Brothers, because they’re both big teams in Japan and that’s the most amazing thing in the world. FinJuice is good, but Impact doesn’t know how to not go over the top with it and that worries me going forward.

Post match here are the Good Brothers to call FinJuice young boys and we hear about the Brothers’ success in Japan. Then they can buy some beers and have a welcome to Impact party, or just go and buy some of their Good Brothers whiskey. FinJuice says cool, but imply Anderson will pass out and lose control of his bodily functions.

At the bar, Rohit Raju blames Mahabali Shera for costing him the X-Division Title. Shera shoves him away and into James Storm, spilling his beer. Raju won’t apologize or accept Storm’s offer of a beer so Storm breaks the bottle over his head. Shera is ready to fight but Chris Sabin intervenes. Johnny Swinger comes in to offer then a night at his palace, which they actually accept. Then Swinger steals the bartender’s tip.

Post break we go to the Palace where beer is consumed and James Storm….starts freestyle rapping (ok rhyming) to impress Alisha Edwards. Fallah Bahh sits down at the Blackjack table and says hit me, so Sabin does jut that. Bahh loses his money again but Edwards says have a heart because Bahh is hurting. Swinger says you don’t know what it’s like to be hurting until Bob Seger’s ex girlfriend gives you crabs. Daddy.

Tenille Dashwood vs. Nevaeh

Kaleb With A K is here but there is no Havok. Dashwood takes her down to start but gets tossed outside as we take an early break. Back with Dashwood in control thanks to some Kaleb With A K cheating, including a neckbreaker over the middle rope for two. A backbreaker gets Nevaeh out of trouble and she strikes away for the comeback.

An STO into a running basement clothesline gets two on Dashwood, as does a belly to back faceplant. Dashwood is right back with a whip into the corner, setting up the Taste of Tenille. The Spotlight Kick connects (with Striker shouting AUSSIE AUSSIE AUSSIE on the count because Matt Striker tries way too hard at his job) to finish Nevaeh at 9:54.

Rating: C-. Dashwood looked fine here but the Knockouts division continues to be pretty lifeless. It’s just people having one match after another without much changing. Havok and Nevaeh splitting isn’t exactly interesting as they’ve been together what? Maybe six months? There are some fine enough parts to the division, but it’s nothing with any kind of spark to be seen.

Flashback Moment of the Week: Moose attacks Tommy Dreamer and Rich Swann at No Surrender. Three days ago.

Violent By Design is ready to take care of Jake Something, with Deaner promising to put Jake through a table to end everything. If not, he will face the consequences because nothing is bigger than this.

Susan wants to take out Jordynne Grace, ODB and Jazz for what they did last week but Deonna Purrazzo says that’s not how champions do things. She flags down Scott D’Amore (who seems to be about three feet away) to ask about a Knockouts Tag Team Titles shot for Kimber Lee and Susan. D’Amore likes the idea so they can have their shot….if they win a #1 contenders match over Jordynne Grace and Jazz next week. Susan seems…..pleased? I think?

Here’s what’s coming next week.

Moose vs. Tommy Dreamer

Old School rules. Dreamer hammers away to start and knocks Moose outside for a rake to the eyes. A reversed whip sends Moose into the steps and Dreamer poses a lot as we take a break. Back with Moose unloading with a trashcan lid as Striker gets all solemn about Dreamer being beaten up too much. Striker: “When do you say enough is enough?” The question people have been asking about Dreamer for years.

They head back inside with Moose hitting a dropkick and standing on Dreamer’s face. Dreamer comes back with a testicular claw and a cutter for one as Moose isn’t having this. A trashcan lid shot to the back rocks Moose a bit and a chair to the back does it again. The Dreamer DDT is countered with a shove onto the chair though and it’s table time.

Dreamer spears Moose through the table in the corner, sending Striker into his biggest RAH RAH speech. Moose isn’t having this and spears Dreamer for the pin at 14:36. Naturally Striker acts like this is Dreamer being shot, because it’s not like THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS EVERY TIME HE HAS A MATCH.

Rating: D+. They used weapons, Dreamer got some hope spots, the other guy won with his finisher, commentary acted like Dreamer was Bruno Sammartino in his last run. I know Dreamer has been around forever and wrestled everywhere but he’s regularly in some spot on TV and he’s regularly getting beaten up. How many times am I supposed to get all emotional about it when that’s what he’s done for his entire career?

Overall Rating: C-. The opener almost singlehandedly saved this show as some of the stories and feuds they’re going with at the moment make me sigh rather heavily. Between treating Japan like the promised land, Tommy Dreamer as the focal point, the never ending saga of that wad of money, whatever the Knockouts are doing this week and having to pretend that Violent By Design is interesting, there is very little to get interested about on here. Throw in Striker making me want to pound a spike into my head and this is a pretty lame show. But hey, maybe AEW can show up again and mock the company one more time.

Results

TJP b. Josh Alexander – Mamba Splash

Trey Miguel b. Suicide, Willie Mack and Daivari – Top rope Meteora to Suicide

Matt Cardona b. Hernandez – Radio Silence

FinJuice b. Reno Scum – PowerPlex to Thornstowe

Tenille Dashwood b. Nevaeh – Spotlight Kick

Moose b. Tommy Dreamer – Spear

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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