Royal Rumble Count-Up – 1998 (Original): You Can’t Stop Him

Royal Rumble 1998
Date: January 18, 1998
Location: San Jose Arena, San Jose, California
Attendance: 18,542
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We have seen our savior and he is called Austin. So it’s official: Steve Austin ranks somewhere just below free beer in terms of popularity at this point and is the undisputed king of the company. There’s just one thing: he’s not the world champion yet. It’s about as clear as you can make it that Austin is going to win the title at Mania, so this is another formality. However, a few things have happened in the last two months or so.

Number one: Montreal. We have no Bret Hart and Shawn and Vince are now pure evil, especially the latter. The other thing is Starrcade 97, where Hogan’s ego has managed to almost single handedly kill the massive lead that WCW was enjoying. Therefore, even though the results are clear, they have to do this right because if they do, the WWF could actually catch up to WCW (which they did).

Your other main event tonight is Shawn vs. Taker in a casket match, and you know what happens there. I’ve always felt the main event should have been someone else but I’ll get to that later. Anyway, Kane is now apparently face and will be here to help Taker, and you know he wouldn’t ever do anything like turn on him 6 days after joining him or anything like that.

As for the rest of the show, the roster has filled out a lot more now with a lot of the familiar Attitude Era people there now, such as Shamrock, Rock in his more famous form, face Mankind and the Outlaws. Actually a lot of the wrestlers are the same but now they’re in their best forms, which is often the most important part. I have decent memories of this show and it’s certainly important as far as history goes so let’s get it started.

The opening video is about being champion, which is what the show is mainly about so at least it makes sense. The set for the Rumble isn’t elaborate yet as it’s still the circular one that was used for years. Why were there always blimps in the arenas for these things? I’ve never gotten the point of that. Oh yeah Mike Tyson is here tonight too in what turned out to be a big deal for the company as far as going mainstream went. DANG he is getting booed out of the arena.

Vader vs. Goldust

This is actually the Artist Formerly Known As Goldust but I didn’t want to type that out more than once so he’s just Goldust in this. Let’s see: green hair and what we’ll call yellow and blue striped tights. More or less he’s just insane at this point where he’s expressing himself or something like that. It never made a ton of sense but it was different if nothing else.

Vader has just fallen through the floor as far as meaning anything went by this point for no reason that I’ve ever been able to come up with. Well I’ll give him this: he’s still energetic and the fans are WAY into him. Of course that means he’s not worthy of being anything but a jobber in Vince’s company, so there we go. Lawler actually says that he’s glad Goldust is back in men’s clothing for this match.

I think that sums up the Attitude Era pretty well. Vader is just beating the tar out of Goldust at this point. He throws Goldie into the stairs in the worst, weakest looking shot I’ve ever seen. Goldust stopped about 6 inches before he hit them and then tapped them. It looks horrible. We have a hot crowd if nothing else. After a decent comeback, Goldust kisses Vader, and you know what’s coming next.

Apparently Austin isn’t here yet. Why is it that he never got to the arena on time? After putting him down, Vader sets for the Vader Bomb. This takes literally thirty seconds. He deserved the low blow he got from that. There is little more entertaining to me than a big guy just dropping down on someone else.

In a cool looking visual, Luna jumps on Vader’s back as he’s setting for the Bomb again. He’s like screw it who cares and does the move with her on his back. The sight of Luna flying through the air and just stopping dead when Vader lands is great for some reason. Naturally this ends it.

Rating: B-. For an opener, this was a very good choice. The fans were into Vader and he looked quite solid out there. It was a standard beatdown and the ending spot looked cool. It wasn’t epic and it wasn’t supposed to be, so this was exactly right and I’m perfectly fine with it. For the life of me I don’t get the complete lack of push for Vader.

Austin is here and the Godwins follow him. Apparently all 29 other guys want to kill him.

Max Mini/Mosaic/Nova vs. Battalion/El Torito/Tarantula

Yep it’s a mini match. Sunny is referee here to give anyone a reason to care. The three faces combine to weigh less than 260lbs. That’s just amusing. They kept having these matches for no apparent reason other than an attempt at capitalizing on the Luchador craze, which I guess was a better idea than trying to use bad luchadors like they would do in a few months. Max weighs 87lbs and is very fast if nothing else.

Everyone has very generic gimmicks with Batallion being an army guy or something. We’re about two minutes into this and we just saw our 8th arm drag. It’s Trios rules here as in if one of the guys goes to the floor, that’s the same as a tag. We go split screen to look at Tyson who looks like he’s hamming it up for the camera, and to his credit he looks genuine at least. Like I’ve said a dozen times: if you don’t want to be there, at least try to look interested, and Tyson is certainly doing that.

The crowd doesn’t care about anyone in there other than Max. For no apparent reason, Sunny helps Max throwing dropkicks at the other guys. It made no sense but it got a pop so there we go. We hit the floor and there they go. It’s your standard everyone runs to the ropes and hits a big move and it works really well here.

I’ll say this for these guys: they’re not boring. They’re not particularly interesting but they’re not boring either. Max goes to the top (which to be fair is like from the top of a cage for a normal size guy) and hits a rana which leads to a cradle for the pin. This was so far ahead of last year’s Lucha stuff that I can’t even see it back there.

Rating: B-. Again, it wasn’t great, but it was exciting if nothing else. It kept you paying something close to attention so that’s better than nothing at all. Max was more over than all 5 other guys combined so it was smart to have him be the focus of the match.

Granted that might be because he was by far the most talented. Compared to last year’s old guys doing nothing for 11 minutes, this was a good deal shorter at about 8 minutes which helped it out a lot. That doesn’t sound like a lot of time, but three minutes can mean a big difference in a match. Think about how many matches you’ve seen that are about three minutes long. A lot of TV matches are, so there’s time to do a good amount of stuff in there. By keeping this one shorter it was FAR better.

The Nation is looking for Austin but all they find is a foam finger.

Vince and Shane are with Tyson. Shane looks so much more comfortable talking to him than Vince does.

We get a recap of Shamrock vs. the Nation, including Henry turning on him to join the Nation. This was when Rock was taking the leadership of the group over from Farrooq and is also IC Champion at the time, having been handed the title after Austin forfeited the belt to go after the World Title. Cole is with the Rock as we cut to a clip from the Free For All of the Nation arguing over who would win the Rumble.

Cole says that apparently there are problems in the Nation. Rock says apparently you’re an idiot. I love Rock ripping on Cole. It was always priceless. Rock offers advice to Clinton, continuing his gimmick of offering his input on social matters of the time as only he could. It helped play up the People’s Champion thing, and more importantly led to an interview with Gennifer Flowers at Mania where he debuted a rather famous line because of it, if you smell what I’m cooking.

Intercontinental Title: Rock vs. Ken Shamrock

Rock comes out alone here. The crowd is way behind Shamrock here as Rocky was flat out hated. We start with a fairly long feeling out period and then we all of a sudden get going. Shamrock is pretty good at the moves he could do, but the problem is he didn’t have a ton of things that he could do well. Since we’re in the Attitude Era, there’s a lot of brawling going on here which makes sense for Shamrock at least.

What doesn’t make sense though is Rock being able to go toe to toe with Shamrock in that area. If he’s supposed to be the best fighter of all time like JR keeps telling us, Rock is amazing then. In an amusing bit, Rock goes for a chinlock but does the arm motion that he would do for the People’s Elbow by swinging his arm around really slowly to hook the chinlock on. I love that.

JR says this isn’t the seniors’ tour which is a clear jab at WCW and how much they messed up the previous month’s show. As Shamrock goes insane, here’s Kama to allow Rock to get some knucks to knock out Shamrock. Now in a brilliant move Rock puts them in Shamrock’s tights. Ken kicks out and hits a belly to belly for the pin and the title. Rock gets up a bit later and says to check his tights. You can see the ending coming from here and the decision is reversed.

In a great moment, the referee is checking his tights and points to the crotch and asks what is that? It’s as humorous as it sounds. Yep, the referee gets the ankle lock too. They would do a similar screw job ending at Mania where Shamrock was named the winner again but didn’t get the title again. Rock would finally lose the belt at Summerslam in an epic ladder match with HHH. On a replay we see Rocky hitting him with the knucks.

We also see the problem with it as the knucks are on the back of Rock’s hand, but the way Rock throws punches, the part where the brass is sticking out wouldn’t have touched Ken’s head, but why should we care about that?

Rating: C+. This was what it was. It wasn’t meant to be anything great and they didn’t try to make it something it wasn’t which is the smart thing to do. The ending was at least somewhat creative so they get points for that. I don’t get why they did the same kind of ending at Mania, but whatever. This was fine. It wasn’t great, but it wasn’t terrible given what they had to work with here.

We see exclusive footage of Rock in his locker room taking off his boots when Shamrock jumps him. For some reason Shamrock has had time to take a shower and put on jeans while Rock doesn’t even have his boots off yet, despite Rock having left first.

Los Boricuas are looking for Austin. They find the DOA instead and of course they fight like they did for months. I think a combined 5 people cared in all those fights.

We recap the LOD vs. the Outlaws which more or less consists of old school vs. new and it’s not that interesting but it’s ok I guess. Basically the LOD are old and cool and the Outlaws are jerks. Nothing is different I guess. Oh and they beat up the LOD and shaved Hawk’s head while wearing Cartman shirts. Seeing South Park being considered cutting edge and underground stuff is just ridiculous to think of.

Tag Titles: New Age Outlaws vs. Legion of Doom

They’re wearing Favre jerseys for no apparent reason. Oh apparently Favre just beat the 49ers and we’re in the Bay Area. Hawk and Animal look at clips of them being beaten up and say that this is about pride or something. Animal is completely insane in this promo. Why are the LOD referred to as American Originals? I’ve never gotten the point to that reference. I’m sorry to shock those of you with heart conditions, but this starts out as a brawl. I know I can’t believe it either.

The heels try to run and naturally that doesn’t work at all. JR actually mentions the Horsemen on a WWF program. He follows that up by saying this might be a matter of time, more or less giving away the ending. There’s zero flow to this match at all. It’s just random insanity and I don’t recall any tagging here at all. That’s fine in spurts but it needs some sort of structure to be legitimate at all.

To further the insanity here, Hawk gets handcuffed to the turnbuckle while the injured Animal is beaten on. We shift over to a one on two match here with Animal fighting for all he’s worth. He hits a powerslam and has it won when a chair from Road Dogg breaks it up for the DQ as we STILL can’t have a clean ending in a match that means anything. They start the beatdown, but Hawk and the power of the 80s breaks the handcuff and after a bunch of chair shots, the LOD reign supreme.

Rating: D+. This match can almost sum up everything about the Attitude Era as a whole. You have a classic team like the LOD that got world title shots back in the 80s and then you have these two guys that aren’t great workers to begin with but get heat based off of shock tactics. There was little tagging and most of this match was brawling. There’s the Attitude Era in a few lines.

Some chick in Tennessee wins Austin’s truck.

We get a recap about how Austin is a marked man or whatever. In other words we get a package to futher drill into our heads that Austin will indeed win the Rumble tonight.

Royal Rumble

Fink claims that it’s every 2 minutes for intervals. It’s really closer to 90 seconds if you pay attention and considering the whole thing lasts 56 minutes, 2 minute intervals are impossible unless the last guy is thrown out before he gets to the ring. Cactus Jack is first and apparently Jack, Dude Love and Mankind got into a fight over who would be in the Rumble and Jack won.

Second is Chainsaw Charlie, who is more commonly known as Terry Funk in some weird crazy man gimmick. When I say crazy I mean crazier than usual. He brings a fake chainsaw with him, so Foley throws chairs at both him and it, which produce no sparks. There’s about 5 chairs and a saw in the ring and we’re underway. Aww the referee gets the saw out of the ring. Anyway, Funk says for Foley to blast him with a chair so he does.

Foley hands it to Funk so Funk can have a free shot. This is either cool or mind blowingly stupid. Tom Brandi is 3. Think Santino but less talented and stupider and that’s what you have. In a move that shocks no one, he’s thrown out in about 10 seconds. This is a weird hardcore kind of thing here as Funk has his customary convulsions. Number four is Rock to some weak heat. Ah ok there it is. Foley hits him with a trash can to show off their future hardcore epics.

The hardcore guys beat him up as Lawler is panicking. Mosh is fifth as I’m starting to hate the Attitude Era. He gets the biggest pop of all five guys so far. Naturally Funk goes for the moonsault and it misses. I don’t get the point in having such an insane start to the match. Phineas is 6th. He and Hank are heels here and it just failed on so many levels. More or less they switched to creepier music and wear the rebel flag so now they’re heels.

Yeah it bombed big time, so naturally they were pushed for about another year or so until the company woke up and let Hank go and changed Phineas to Mideon. Funk throws some chops and the wooing begins. Number seven is 8-Ball to continue the greatness of this Rumble. Seriously, considering there’s three world champion out there, this is just boring so far. Funk puts out Cactus as the crowd couldn’t care less.

Allegedly someone has attacked Austin but King won’t say who. Bradshaw replaces Cactus at number 8 to really enhance the greatness in there. Owen Hart is number nine, but Jeff Jarrett and Jim Cornette who were representing the NWA of all things jump him as Ross declares Cornette a stain on the underwear of life. For the love of all things good left in the world, someone lobotomize JR before he hurts himself. For some reason Owen gets huge cheers from Tyson. That’s just odd.

Owen can’t get in the ring and is just laying on the floor. Steve Blackman is tenth. He’s a complete WWF rookie at this point despite having a ton of experience in other companies before this. We mull around even more as the ring is way too full. All of the guys I’ve listed are in other than Jack and Brandi. Owen is still down as number 11 is D’lo Brown. There are 5 members of the Nation in the Rumble tonight which is kind of impressive.

Shamrock may have been the guy that got to Austin. Rock goes the heck off on Blackman with some insanely fast kicks. At this point we’re just waiting on some monster to come out and get rid of some of these guys. No one cares as there is zero chance Austin is going to lose.

Number 12 is Kurrgan. Now this was an interesting character to say the least. He was completely dominant so of course they made him a comedy character by the fall. He gets rid of Mosh so if nothing else he’s done his job. How weird is it to think that Bradshaw of all people would wind up having a 9 month world title reign out of all these guys in there? Mero and Sable come out at 13. Good grief Mero was a depthless character.

Blackman is gone via Kurrgan. Bradshaw beats on him a bit which at least looks kind of cool. Shamrock comes out to a BIG pop. He goes straight for Kurrgan and knocks him down with relative ease to allow a big group of people to dump him out. In 20 seconds, Shamrock has managed to get the crowd to actually cared about the match which the other 12 hadn’t been able to do in almost half an hour. Thrasher comes out at 15.

The ring is WAY too full at this point. There’s a very loud Sable chant. Lawler keeps talking about how he wants to fight Tyson which is just perfectly good cheap heel heat. 16 is Mankind as we hit one of my all time favorite Rumble bits. Yes, all three of Foley’s personas are in the Rumble. He puts out Funk with relative ease. In a very unintentionally funny moment, Shamrock is trying to get Rock out in the corner.

The tape freezes just for a second and Shamrock’s arms are under Rock and his head is laid on his stomach and the look on his face looks like he’s lovingly smiling. It’s just great. Anyway Goldust is 17th and this time he’s rocking a silver body suit with painted on women’s lingerie including g-string. The ring is WAY too full here. I would list them all off for you, but it would be Austin Fodder #1, 2, 3, 4 etc. There’s about 10 guys in there and no one cares about most of them.

Goldust puts out Mankind who wasn’t a big deal just yet. Jarrett is 18th and Owen finally gets in and beats the living tar out of him. After skinning the cat, Owen dumps Jarrett. There’s a big rant coming on Owen later so stick around for that. And from out of nowhere Honky Tonk Man is 19th. Rock puts out Shamrock as HHH and Chyna come out. HHH is hurt and not in the match. Owen tries to get rid of Goldust, allowing HHH and Chyna to use a pair of crutches to eliminate him.

Ok screw waiting for later. At the end of the previous In Your House, Owen had jumped Shawn to end the show, making his first appearance since Montreal. He beat Shawn up and then ran off into the crowd. Every single sign in the world said that Owen vs. Shawn would be the title match at the Rumble. Think about it: Owen comes back to avenge his brother’s honor so the drama and story are already there.

Owen can actually hang with Shawn in the ring so it’s not like the match would be boring or something. Owen was getting insane reactions from the crowds at this point so it’s not like they wouldn’t buy it. So given how obvious this was, Shawn vetoed it. Owen made the epic return and was promptly fed to HHH.

Yes, instead of going with the money match at the Rumble of Owen vs. Shawn, I’m assuming Shawn was afraid that Owen would either upstage him or shoot on him, so he somehow convinced everyone that the best choice was for Owen to just go back down into the midcard and job to HHH and Jarrett and stay far away from the title picture, and showing the power of the Clique, it worked.

Owen was made to look like a joke over the next three months, having a tiny feud with Jarrett that went nowhere and then jobbing to HHH to make him look good. At least Shawn got what was coming to him all those years later in the casket match, which he lobbied for. I hate to say it, but he got what he deserved.

Ahmed Johnson is number 20 and no one cares. He was just completely wasted by this point and it failed miserably. The crowd is pretty much dead here. Lawler lets it slip that Honky is his cousin. We accidentally hear someone say that someone isn’t cleared to wrestle which we’ll get to in just a few moments. Mark Henry is 21st. In a great stat, Henry is one of 17 people in this Rumble that have never been in one before.

Ross says Henry is handling the big Johnson. I’m not going near that one. There is no number 22 and everyone thinks it was supposed to be Austin. It turns out that it was supposed to be Skull, but he was hurt earlier in the attack by the Boricuas and was who the accidental voice was talking about. Phineas and Ahmed are gone with Phineas landing on a referee in an amusing spot. The crowd really couldn’t care less here.

Kama is number 23, and here’s the best recap I can give you: Rock, 8-Ball, Bradshaw, D’Lo, Mero, Thrasher, Goldust, Honky, Henry and Kama. Holy jobber fest Batman. Austin it 24th to an EPIC pop. I mean the fans went insane for that glass shattering. Literally everyone in the ring turns to the entrance to jump him, but he comes through the crowd and knocks out Mero and 8-Ball with relative ease.

Why in the world did they insist on constantly making Brown a big deal or at least trying to? Never mind he’s been upstaged by the failure that is heel Henry Godwin. We start the final five with Savio, who leads the completely worthless Boricuas who all go after Austin despite not being in the match. Naturally they’re easily dispatched. There are WAY too many people in there. I’m counting 11 I think.

Farrooq is 27th as all 5 members of the Nation are in there now. Naturally he beats on all of the other 4 members. I’ve always thought they missed the boat with Farrooq. He was clearly a great athlete with a solid character yet they never pulled the trigger on him. Rock and Austin go to the floor through the ropes. Dude Love is 28th which gets a nice pop. Foley was such a brilliant character when you think about it.

Kane was Isaac Yankem and Fake Diesel etc. Kama was Papa Shango, Godfather etc. The thing is, those other characters are never mentioned. They’re simply repackaged to give them a fresh start and that’s fine. Foley took it completely the other way. They made him all three characters at once with no attempt at hiding it. That’s very unique and I don’t think it’s been done otherwise. Anyway he puts out Bradshaw in about a second.

Rock does the overrated elbow on Brown and gets beaten up by Austin for it. At least Austin recognizes overrated moves. Chainz, another guy I thought could have been more than he was, is 29th making Vader number 30. There goes Brown to lighten us up a bit.

Ok, so with all 30 in, here are your possible winners: Rock, Thrasher, Goldust, Honky, Henry, Kama, Godwin, Vega, Farrooq, Dude Love, Chainz, Vader and Austin. I wonder who the win…never mind that joke is just stupid. Who thought it was a good idea to have 13 people in at the end? Vader puts out Honky. The crowd still doesn’t care at all. There goes Thrasher to a tiny pop.

Kama is gone as we’re starting to clear the ring out. Ross thinks Brown is still in for some reason. There goes Vega as Austin has dropped three in a row now. Goldust puts out Vader because Vader can’t do anything since he’s an over character. Instead we have to have a freak character be put over again. Henry and Goldust go out. Farrooq just shows off by throwing out Henry.

Chainz was put out by Austin over the corner and slammed into the steps which just looked SICK. The final four are Farrooq, Rock, Dude Love and Austin. I’ve always loved Dude’s Sweet Shin Music. Farrooq eliminates Dude. Say that out loud and see how ridiculous it sounds. Ross is ticked off for some reason at Rock resting while Farrooq fights Austin.

Farrooq was in for about 10 minutes while Rock had already wrestled earlier and had been in over 50 minutes at this point. I guess according to JR that’s nothing. Anyway the final two are Rock and Austin. They slug it out and the fans are buying every bit of it. After a Stunner Austin shocks no one as he’s going to Wrestlemania.

Tyson is happy too. We get a quick interview with Tyson, who despite calling Austin Cold Stone, which to be fair sounded far more like a slip of the tongue rather than him just not knowing what he was saying, says he’s very happy and looking forward to the main event. If nothing else, he’s very enthusiastic and sounds like a legit fan.

Rating: D+. This was a bad Rumble in every sense of the word. The big problem here is clear so I’ll ignore that. The problem is there’s no one out there that was even a potential challenger. There was almost no flow to this either. The closest thing to a story was the Nation but it got no play at all.

That’s the problem here: there’s no story or drama at all and it just crippled the thing. We knew Austin would win, but the question was how. The problem was there was no way to disguise the fact that he was going to win and it really hurt the match. There really was no way to make this great, but they at least could have made it ok.

We recap Taker vs. Shawn. More or less they were trying to just pick up their rivalry from the fall like nothing ever happened. Good night Shawn took a beating in the Cell. Kane has broken away from Paul Bearer and apparently has joined Taker to help him fight off DX. For some reason Taker accepted his brother that hated him with no issue at all. I’ll give you two guesses as to how that’s going to work out.

Casket Match: Undertaker vs. Shawn Michaels

Fink looks REALLY weird for some reason here. It looks like he’s being forced to announce at gunpoint or something. We get a weird comment from JR about Shawn: He may not be in a class of his own but it doesn’t take long to call the role. Wait, what? If he’s the world champion and the best big match guy ever, why wouldn’t he be in a class of his own? Also, Ross tries to say HBK has a better record in big matches than anyone including Hogan. That’s just laughable.

Shawn’s overselling of Taker putting the lights back on is great. Shawn of course has to run here and punch where he can, but we get my favorite spot that Taker keeps using as he just grabs Shawn by the throat and throws him into the corner. I’ve always loved that. In a very cool spot, Shawn goes for a crossbody from the middle rope and Taker catches him in a two handed choke. That looked great. And there it is.

Shawn is backdropped over the top rope and slams him back on the casket, more or less shattering it and putting him on the shelf for four and a half years after Wrestlemania. You can tell something just isn’t right with him at this point, and oddly enough a fan shouts out BREAK HIS BACK while Taker is beating Shawn up. As usual, Taker is just beating the living heck out of Shawn.

That’s your formula for the majority of this match: Taker beats up Shawn, Shawn hits a little something, Taker beats up Shawn some more. Eventually Shawn hits a kick out of nowhere, but Taker doesn’t really do much about it. We go near the casket a few times which is always good, but the best part is Shawn in the casket and trying to get out while Taker pulls him back in.

It’s a very cool shot that’s been done many times since but never as well as there. Eventually the tombstone hits and Shawn is dead, but Los Boricuas (which is incorrect grammar but whatever) and the Outlaws run out.. Cue Kane, but of course he turns on Taker to throw him in the casket to keep the title on Shawn. That’s not the end though, as Kane nails Taker into the casket and starts walking it back up the stage.

In one of the most famous scenes of his career, he covers it in “gasoline” and lights it on fire. JR is FREAKING as we go off the air. Of course Taker magically disappeared from the casket, setting up his return just in time for a Mania match with Kane.

Rating: B. This one is hard to mess up. These two worked very well together and this was no exception. They’re just perfectly suited to one another and they showed why here. Granted they more or less did the exact same thing as they did in the Cell, but it still worked.

Obviously the bigger story here is Shawn’s back, but that’s been covered more elsewhere because no one knew how bad he was hurt at this point. The match was fine, but it was clearly more about the angle than the match, which is ok here.

Overall Rating: C-. This is a show where the individual matches don’t add up to the final grade. This is a lot more like a transition show than anything else, with most of what you see here just setting up stuff for later on. It set up Shawn vs. Austin which had to happen for the company to survive as well as Taker vs. Kane, but other than that there’s just not much here.

I really didn’t like this show all that much, but it was ok I suppose. There have been worse Rumbles, but not that many. Watch it if you haven’t seen it before I guess, but you likely won’t want to again.

 

 

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Royal Rumble Count-Up – 1997 (2017 Redo): There He Is

Royal Rumble 1997
Date: January 19, 1997
Location: Alamodome, San Antonio, Texas
Attendance: 60,235
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

The announcers preview the show and Lawler is VERY excited about the main event.

Intercontinental Title: Goldust vs. Hunter Hearst Helmsley

HHH actually comes off the top with an ax handle but a running knee hits the barricade. As JR asks about a DQ again, Goldust starts in on the knee like a good challenger should. We hit a Figure Four as this is already dragging horribly. The knee goes into the steps again as the announcers are wondering why the referee is letting so much go. Back in and Goldust misses a crossbody (called a high risk by JR) to send him outside as HHH takes over again.

Bret Hart is used to being the marked man in a match so the Royal Rumble will be no different.

Faarooq vs. Ahmed Johnson

A shot to the kidneys slows Johnson down and Faarooq calls for a belt, earning himself a clothesline in the process though. The brawl heads outside for a bit with neither being able to keep control all that long as you would expect in a brawl like this. A chair to the back keeps Ahmed in trouble and Faarooq opts to just kick him in the kidneys for good measure.

Post match the Nation bails for some reason, leaving Ahmed to Pearl River Plunge one of them through a table.

Vader vs. Undertaker

Vader leaves with Bearer and Undertaker beats up a referee.

Hector Garza/Perro Aguayo/Canek vs. Jerry Estrada/Fuerza Guerrera/Heavy Metal

Attendance announcement.

Royal Rumble

Flash Funk is in at #27 and Lawler wants the Funkettes. Bret piledrives the heck out of Austin and Flash dives off the top to take out Diesel and Terry. Vader is in at #28 as I start to miss people wrestling earlier in the show and still being in the Royal Rumble. For some reason Flash makes the mistake of going after him, only to get pummeled down in a hurry. Henry Godwinn is in at #29 to bring the talent WAY down in a hurry.

The still unknown brothers have a bit of a fight as Vince calls Undertaker the favorite. Vader throws Flash out and we have Henry vs. Undertaker for a rather off brawl. Rocky almost has Bret out until Vader makes the save for no apparent reason. Austin and Funk chop each other half to death and probably have a blast doing so.

Bret has another tirade and while he has a point, he handles it like a baby.

WWF World Title: Shawn Michaels vs. Sid

Sid is defending of course. Shawn stares him down to start and is quickly shoved across the ring without too much effort. A kick to the chest puts Sid on the floor but he comes right back in and grabs a camel clutch. That goes nowhere (other than around for a long time) so Sid tries a chinlock, followed by one heck of a clothesline.

The forearm into the flying elbow connects but Sid goes outside to yell at Jose and his son. We get a ref bump so the chokeslam only gets two as a second ref comes in. Sid knocks the second referee down so Shawn hits him with the camera for two. The superkick gives Shawn the title back.

A ridiculously long celebration ends the show.

Ratings Comparison

HHH vs. Goldust

Original: C-

2013 Redo: C-

2017 Redo: F+

Ahmed Johnson vs. Faarooq

Original: D+

2013 Redo: D+

2017 Redo: D

Vader vs. Undertaker

Original: C+

2013 Redo: D+

2017 Redo: C-

Hector Garza/Perro Aguayo/El Canek vs. Jerry Estrada/Heavy Metal/Fuerza Guerrera

Original: F

2013 Redo: D

2017 Redo: D

Royal Rumble

Original: C+

2013 Redo: B-

2017 Redo: D+

Shawn Michaels vs. Sycho Sid

Original: C+

2013 Redo: C+

2017 Redo: D+

Overall Rating

Original: C+

2013 Redo: D

2017 Redo: D

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/17/royal-rumble-count-up-1997-bret-hart-uh-make-that-austin/

And the 2013 redo:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2013/01/11/royal-rumble-count-up-2013-redo-1997-why-austin-was-a-near-perfect-character/

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01MQKDV5O


And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:


http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6




Royal Rumble Count-Up – 1997 (2013 Redo): Maybe My Least Favorite Match

Royal Rumble 1997
Date: January 19, 1997
Location: Alamodome, San Antonio, Texas
Attendance: 60,525
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Vince McMahon

The opening video is about Shawn of course. Expect to hear that name a lot tonight.

Intercontinental Title: Goldust vs. HHH

A guillotine slows Goldust down and apparently two fans who have sat in the Alamodome for weeks for the show have been thrown out. Gee, I wonder if Super Shawn can help them out. An uppercut gets two on HHH and Goldust laughs a lot before being knocked to the floor. HHH goes up top (!) and dives down onto Goldust to send him into the barricade. The jumping knee misses Goldust though and HHH hits the steel to change momentum again.

HHH hits the jumping knee for two but hurts his own leg in the process. Goldust lariats him down but gets crotched on the top for his efforts. After shoving HHH off, Goldust misses a top rope elbow and the title is thrown in. HHH kisses Marlena but gets blasted by the belt for two. A Hughes distraction is enough for HHH to hit the Pedigree to retain.

Bret whines about being a marked man tonight. You could feel the heel turn coming and it was going to be glorious.

Mankind, another newcomer, is ready for the Rumble but he wants to hurt people instead of go to Wrestlemania.

Faarooq vs. Ahmed Johnson

Post match Ahmed chases off the Nation and powerbombs a member through the announce table.

Faarooq yells at the Nation actors for bailing on him. He says this is just beginning.

Undertaker vs. Vader

Hector Garza/Perro Aguayo/El Canek vs. Jerry Estrada/Heavy Metal/Fuerza Guerrera

Take six guys, throw them in the ring for ten minutes to pop the crowd. I just hope I can remember which is which. Metal vs. Garza to start. Ok so Metal is in the yellow and black tights. Got it. They speed things up to stat before quickly hitting the mat. Off to Aguayo vs. Estrada who is in the white tassels. Perro chops Jerry down and backdrops him out to the floor.

The attendance is announced and no one really cares.

Royal Rumble

Austin dumps Phineas as well and is alone in the ring to face Bart Gunn at #6. Bart gets in some offense but is gone in about thirty seconds. Austin sits on the ropes until Jake Roberts is #7. The music sounds really different in the big stadium setting. Jake pounds away and works on the arm a bit and hits the short clothesline, but Austin backdrops him out to counter the DDT.

The Sultan (Rikishi) is #10 as the ring is finally getting a crowd going in there. Sultan and Pierroth fight on the ropes as Austin is sent to the apron. Pierroth tries to slam Sultan like an idiot as the match continues to be dull. Mil Mascaras, Mexican legend, is #11. He FINALLY gets a reaction as he beats up on Sultan a bit. Sultan belly to bellies him down and we get some of the legendary no selling from Mascaras. HHH is #12 and there goes Sultan via Bulldog.

Bret stays on Austin and hits a backbreaker as Fake Diesel (you know him better as Kane) is #23. The good thing here is that Kane actually looks like Diesel from about ten feet away and is nearly identical from behind. Razor looked like a bad Halloween costume. Diesel goes after Hart before slowing down to let Austin do the work. Terry Funk is #24 to give us a very strong lineup in there at the moment. Funk is sent to the apron but Hart makes a save, earning him a punch to the ribs from Terry.

Taker sends Mankind out a second later to get us down to five. Vader beats on Taker as Austin does the same to Diesel. Bret throws Austin out to a HUGE pop but the referees were breaking up a fight between Mankind and Funk. Austin slides back in, dumps Vader and Taker, then dumps Bret who just eliminated Diesel, and Austin wins the Rumble!

WWF World Title: Shawn Michaels vs. Sycho Sid

We hit the reverse chinlock again but Shawn fights up with right hands. He slams Sid down and hits the forearm to set up the nip-up. The top rope elbow hits but Shawn is knocked to the floor before the superkick can hit. Shawn gets powerbombed on the floor so Sid grabs both Lotharios. That goes nowhere so Shawn pounds away even more. Dang he popped up fast after that powerbomb.

Shawn celebrates for a LONG time to end the show.

Ratings Comparison

HHH vs. Goldust

Original: C-

Redo: C-

Ahmed Johnson vs. Farrooq

Original: D+

Redo: D+

Vader vs. Undertaker

Original: C+

Redo: D+

Hector Garza/Perro Aguayo/El Canek vs. Jerry Estrada/Heavy Metal/Fuerza Guerrera

Original: F

Redo: D

Royal Rumble

Original: C+

Redo: B-

Shawn Michaels vs. Sycho Sid

Original: C+

Redo: C+

Overall Rating

Original: C+

Redo: D

That overall rating surprised me. How could I go that high after nearly the same grades leading up to it?

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/17/royal-rumble-count-up-1997-bret-hart-uh-make-that-austin/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6




Royal Rumble Count-Up – 1997 (Original): The Homecoming

Royal Rumble 1997
Date: January 19, 1997
Location: Alamodome, San Antonio, Texas
Attendance: 60,325
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Vince McMahon, Jim Ross

A lot has changed here for once. We’re about as close to the Attitude Era as you can get without actually being in it. The roster is now far closer to being set to what would become the Attitude Era. Bret vs. Austin is in full swing as they had their forgotten classic at Survivor Series. Also we now have guys like Mero and Farrooq, but more importantly, people like Mankind and Rock are here now, so the core is here now.

As you might have noticed, we’re in Shawn’s hometown in front of a massive audience. Shawn recently lost the title, so I wonder how tonight is going to end. This is around the time that WCW is just flat out dominating in the ratings. Raw is averaging I think a 2.0 at this point, and they’re happy with it. It was just flat out bad all around, and you could tell the WWF was in a free fall. This show is actually kind of co-promoted with AAA, the Mexican organization.

The problem with this is simple: WCW had a deal with every bit of good Luchador talent in the world, so Vince got the bottom of the barrel here for the most part. Anyway, this is an oddly remembered show, so let’s get to it.

The preshow had three matches with Luchadors, including minis, which included Mini Vader and Mini Mankind. I give up.

The intro is of course about Shawn, who clearly can’t be blamed for the ratings tanking. I’m being partially serious there, as there was no one that was going to be able to take on Hogan and the NWO at that point. They say that tonight isn’t about accolades, just that WWF Title thingamajig. That twangy music is going to make me punch someone before this show is over. We have French announcers here for some reason.

Intercontinental Title: HHH vs. Goldust

Goldust is freshly face here, which granted no one gets including the announcers but whatever. HHH has been climbing the ladder recently, as his push is back on after the Curtain Call aborted it. In short, allegedly the Austin push was supposed to go to HHH, but there was the incident at Madison Square Garden. What happened was it was Nash and Hall’s last night with the company, so after Shawn beat Nash in a cage match, the four of them broke kayfabe and hugged.

I’m sure you’ve all seen the footage. Nash and Hall were leaving, Shawn was the company at that point, so there was just HHH left to take the fall. Instead of becoming the big deal in June, he had to wait about 6 months before it happened. I’m not sure I buy that, as Austin’s popularity would have been there anyway. Granted it was the KOTR match against Roberts that gave him Austin 3:16, and without that there’s no Austin super boom, so maybe it wouldn’t have happened.

See what a single promo can do for you? Anyway, HHH had been having different women on his arm every time he came to the ring and he went after Marlena. This set off Goldust and actually got Lawler to ask him on live television if he was a queer (Lawler’s word). This set him off and as HHH tried to steal Marlena, Goldust snapped and we have a title match. HHH has Mr. Hughes with him as his new bodyguard.

Chyna would debut the next month to shoot him to the stars. Even with two great in ring workers like these, we go straight into a brawl with the steps being used. Security has thrown out two fans that were sitting there for weeks apparently. I’m guessing this is a stupid angle or something and I really could care less. Can we please stay in the ring longer than 45 seconds? Ross and Vince both point this out.

Both of these guys will be in the Rumble tonight apparently. They’re now doing a bunch of leg work which is an upgrade I guess. It’s still not interesting but it’s better I guess. Hughes has done absolutely nothing at this point. Goldust calls him a piece of garbage which even today would be a bit much. This is more or less all Goldust working on HHH’s knee at this point, which at least is a story but it’s odd seeing the face dominate here. HHH gets a one knee curtsey. He was in his blueblood/classical music phase here, which I’ve always thought was an incredibly underrated heel character.

In the middle of this match, let’s throw it to Todd and some country singer that I’ve never heard of before. He sings a bit on a split screen. You have to be amazed by what Vince will do for a celebrity draw. This has improved a bit but it’s still nothing special. Hughes, who I had forgotten about, throws the IC belt to HHH who kisses Marlena. Goldie pops HHH with the belt but Hughes makes the save. After more Hughes distractions, Goldust walks into the Pedigree and we’re done.

Rating: C-. This started off bad and then worked its way up to being ok. I don’t like the steps etc. but overall, this was ok. It needed to be about 5 minutes shorter though. HHH was far from what he is today and while he was a rising star, he just wasn’t ready for this long of a match yet. It was coming, but he wasn’t there yet.

We get comments from one of the WEIRDEST pairings you’ll ever see: Bret Hart and Mankind. They both say tonight will be a long night. DAng that’s just weird thinking about them in the same company, let alone doing anything together.

Farrooq vs. Ahmed Johnson

I love the Nation’s entrance. PG-13 were great at what they did, which granted wasn’t much but it worked. This was supposed to be the blowoff match between these two but they were both injured at one point or another so the match never actually happened when it was supposed to, making this way after it meant anything. The Nation was freaking massive at this point, even having actors hired to make it look even bigger.

That’s saying a lot when you think about it. Johnson tried to get a catchphrase of You’re Going Down out of this but it didn’t work at all. Basically they’re fighting over Ahmed not being black enough or something like that. He was supposed to get the world title so there you go. This was actually a decent little feud, but it needed to happen 4-5 months earlier than this. Since it’s 1997, this starts on the floor in a big brawl. I love Vince Russo. Ok not really.

We go to another big wide shot which I can’t stand as Ahmed whips Farrooq with a belt or something like that. The problem with this match becomes apparent quickly: Ahmed isn’t that good. He never was. He was a huge muscle guy that could be a cool looking powerbomb, period. He was WAY over though at least for awhile, so there’s little complaints that can be made here. Naturally this is mostly brawling but that’s neither here nor there.

Simmons goes after Ahmed’s kidney of course because only one part of anyone’s body can ever be injured at once. We’ve got a Cowboys jersey on the non camera side so I’m happy. Ahmed hooks a powerslam from the top to take over. The spinebuster from Farrooq ends that pretty quickly though.

After Ahmed no sells that, the Nation runs in for the cheap DQ. Naturally since they all suck, Ahmed destroys them with relative ease. After Farrooq runs, one of the Nation members who doesn’t have a name goes hand first into the steps and then gets a release butterfly powerbomb through the French announce table.

Rating: D+. This was pretty bad, but it was supposed to be a street brawl or something so it did that fairly well I suppose. There’s very little here to go on and it wasn’t what it was supposed to be as a blowoff match. They would go at it a few more times without Johnson getting a clean win that I can remember. Not a bad fight, but this just didn’t have a ton of interest in it.

Terry Funk says he was born for this and is Texas bred.

Todd is with the Nation who says it’s not over. You can see an almost afro wearing D’lo brown in the background.

Vader vs. Undertaker

If you’re looking for a story here, you’re wasting your time. I mean literally, this was thrown on the card without a story. Vader had been attacking Taker a bit in huge groups but never on his own. I guess it was just kind of a big match thing to it, so there we are. Taker beat up Cornette a few weeks ago but it wasn’t directly referenced as a reason for the feud. Taker’s entrance is just made of awesome.

I mean if there was a thong of awesome, it would be made of Taker’s entrance. Ross says that Taker hasn’t done well at the Rumble since his debut here in 1993. Ok let’s see. In 1991 it took both members of the Legion of Doom to eliminate him. In 1992 it took Hulk Hogan to eliminate him. In 1993 a guy interfered and eliminated him. In 1994 it took 10 men to beat him in a world title match. In 1995 he beat IRS clean.

In 1996 he beat Bret Hart, who was then WWF Champion. In other words, he’s been in three world title matches and in a way has gone 1-1-1 in them, lost in the Rumble twice which I consider to be ties, and won another match, giving him a record of 2-1-3, with the one loss being in a cheating fashion and the other by a guy that wasn’t in the match. Yep, he completely sucks here Ross.

Why can’t they ever get the years right either? For years I remember them saying he debuted at the 91 Survivor Series, which obviously isn’t true either. Naturally, Vader’s offense isn’t working that well against Taker as he keeps sitting up. Taker hits a Fameasser of all things. Who would have seen that one coming? Taker gets a slam and makes it look easy. His strength was completely overlooked a lot of the time.

We get a verbal jab from Ross at Hogan, saying that no one in company history has dropped a leg like Taker. Old School is countered and we’re both down. After a low blow from Vader, we throw it to Todd in the crowd with some girl that apparently follows Shawn Michaels around the country. I’m not saying a word on this one. We now return you to the PPV at hand.

Jerry points out slyly how completely freaking stupid that was to do in the middle of a match, showing that he’s the second coming of Bobby Heenan. He throws in a Kentucky reference to make it even better. This is more Taker than Vader here. His power is just freaking scary to say the least. He throws Vader around more than once, including a very solid looking chokeslam.

Just as Taker signals for the Tombstone, the ONLY former Wrestlezone admin allowed to work for WWF, Paul Bearer hits the arena as pale as ever. Taker puts Vader on the floor and goes after Paul. Vader saves Uncle Paul but gets knocked to the floor by Taker again. Vader gets control again on the floor with Bearer apparently aligning himself with Vader.

BEARER GOES AIRBORNE!!! He jumps at Taker with the urn and actually takes him down! That was freaking AWESOME!!! This allows for the Vader Bomb to end it as Taker actually is pinned in something close to being clean. That hardly ever happens. He beats up the referee afterwards.

Rating: C+. Taker looked great here. Vader was dominant to an extent, but he never once came close to doing anything special after Shawn beat him at Summerslam 96. After that he began a decline into eventually being a jobber which is never fun.

Taker’s power was insanely impressive here as he hit all kinds of big moves that you just don’t see done on Vader like ever. This was impressive to me. Vader getting the win was good as Taker certainly didn’t need it and Vader might have gotten the biggest win of his WWF tenure.

Austin says he has nothing to say about the Rumble, which takes longer than it takes Bulldog to say he’s going to win because he has success in Rumbles and he’s bizarre. I have no idea what he means there and can only guess he botched a line or something like that. It was bizarre indeed.

Jerry Estrada/Heavy Metal/Fuerza Guerrera vs. Perro Aguayo/El Canek/Héctor Garza

I’ve only heard of three of these guys so naturally I just don’t know anything about REAL wrestling. I think this was an attempt to cash in on what WCW was doing at the time with the luchadors, but at the same time, of the five with known ages, two of them are under 38 years old at this point. See, it’s hard to compete with guys like Rey Mysterio, Juventud Guerrera and Ultimo Dragon with you have guys that literally could be their fathers wrestling.

We start with Garza and Metal as Vince can’t remember who is who. I think the referee is from AAA as well. Ok, so I’m done with the match at this point, and instead of a recap, I’m going to go with just what I noticed as a whole since I know nothing about these guys or why they would be fighting etc. First of all, old guys do not make for very exciting matches. Aguayo was a flat out embarrassment out there. He could barely move and blew a ton of spots including the end (his team won).

Second, Canek is strong as all goodness, but he used at least 5 gorilla press slams in this. One or two are fine, but when you’re getting up into that many, it shows your offense is limited at best. Monty Brown had this problem. Third, this was just boring as all goodness. See, this was one of the first matches of this style ever in the WWF.

When WCW busted this stuff out, they had Rey Mysterio, the undisputed king of that style here in America. When he debuted in WCW, he tore the house down. Here, the people were asleep. I mean this was the most dead I have ever seen a crowd. This didn’t work at all.

Rating: F. I already explained this. It was just a waste of time as well as bad.

With literally no transition, we’re at this.

Royal Rumble

We’re back to 90 seconds again this year, because having that lucha match was FAR more important than the match the show is named for of course. Crush of the Nation is first and Ahmed is second. I just can’t believe that at all! Apparently Crush has longer odds of winning than Ahmed. Why would that be the case? They start at the same time. If nothing else Ahmed is at a disadvantage because he doesn’t get a short break while the other guy is walking to the ring.

There’s a sign in the crowd saying WWF: Wild Wacky Fun. Well ok then. Crush jumps him, even though he had no advantage at all according to Ross. Vince calls Ahmed the wrong name. The crowd isn’t hot here but they’re certainly awake and paying attention unlike the previous match. Granted it’s just the first two. Also the clock isn’t working at first, so we don’t have a countdown or anything like that.

3 is the fake Razor, who has no music because of the clock but it doesn’t matter as Ahmed ends him after about 15 seconds. Lawler points out Ahmed’s tights that would never die. Those things always rode up and it was annoying. Farrooq is in the entry way so Ahmed jumps over the top rope, eliminating himself to go after him. That made me shake my head. Phineas Godwin (Mideon) is next.

Sweet goodness I love Hillbilly Jim’s music. Austin is #4. Now remember, here he’s still just a midcard/semi main event heel that runs his mouth a lot. He hasn’t actually won anything yet and we haven’t had the I Quit match that catapulted him into superstardom. Think of the Miz when he went after Cena. He was loud and great on the mic, but no one bought him because he hadn’t done anything yet.

As of this writing (2 weeks before Survivor Series) he’s the US Champion and looking far better than he ever has before. He’s believable with the belt, which is all he needed to be. Austin gets very little reaction here mainly due to the clock which keeps people from knowing when someone is coming, and the reasons I just listed. Anyway, he and Crush team up but that doesn’t work and Phineas takes out Crush.

He turns around into a Stunner though and after some trash talking, he’s gone. Bart Gunn is fifth. He lasts about 30 seconds, although he hits what would become known as the Fameasser. Austin even does the Steiner pushups as he’s just cocky.

You can see all the classic mannerisms and awesomeness inside of him just dying to break through. Jake Roberts is sixth, and remember he’s the guy Austin beat for the King of the Ring and the reason for the 3:16 speech. Ross says Jake wants one more shot at glory. When did he ever have glory in the first place? He was a career midcard guy that is remembered for having the best finisher ever.

Bulldog is seventh and while he’s on his way Jake is thrown out. Apparently Bulldog hates Austin, which I don’t entirely remember. He hits a modified powerslam that’s completely ignored by the announcers. The best wrestler ever from England his what is undeniably his signature move and no one says a word about it. He was supposed to have been made a big main event level guy and even get the title at one point, but Vince was in so much financial trouble that he changed him mind.

That’s why you had Sid as champion. It was originally going to be Smith, which I think would have certainly been more interesting. Smith got the first ever European Title as a compromise, so in other words he got the very short end of the stick. He certainly would have been better than Sid as Sid just wasn’t very good in the ring while Smith could work a great match if he was in there with the right guy. He and Owen are tag champions here also.

Pierroth, another luchador, is next to no reaction again. He’s 39 here. Vince, GET YOUNG GUYS IF YOU INSIST ON DOING THIS! We get our first bit of information about one of the new guys: Pierroth is a rule breaker. See, that helps a lot. Not being sarcastic there. We’re told that by people who are supposed to have insight on the subject, so therefore we trust it. The Sultan (Rikishi) is 10th as we’re going fast here but it’s kind of working.

Considering Pierroth is a heel, he’s only going after other heels. Actually, all four of them are heels so never mind. 11th is Mil Mascaras. Now he’s old, but he’s a flat out legend. He would be like Ric Flair here in America, with Blue Demon as Austin and Santo as Hogan. Also, he gets a pop and a half, easily the biggest of the match so far. I’ll adjust what I said earlier to Vince: get old guys that are well known in America, like this one.

Mascaras is also known for no selling stuff, even for big names like Foley who criticized him to no end in his book, as did Jericho. There it is already as Sultan hits a belly to belly and Mascaras pops up almost immediately. HHH is twelfth as this thing has been flying by. To recap, we have Smith, Sultan, Austin, Mascaras, HHH and Pierroth at the moment. Bulldog puts Sultan out to clear us out a bit but 5-7 is fine to have in there.

Austin and HHH go at it which just feels right. Owen is in at 13. He and Austin go at it as we’re not getting a ton of reactions here. The crowd is ok, but not great at all. Scratch that, as Austin is nearly out and the crowd waked up. Bulldog almost puts him out but Owen dumps Smith to tick him off. These counts definitely aren’t 90 seconds. Goldust is 14th. For some reason we don’t cut to him when he enters. That’s very different.

Mascaras’ tights are covering his belly button. That just looks odd indeed. Cibernetico gets us to the halfway point. He’s 20 years old so if nothing else he should be able to fly pretty well. He’s really well known for having a unique style that a lot of indy guys use. Marc Mero starts the second half as Cibernetico is thrown out. Pierroth gets thrown out by Mascaras, who jumps out after him, which based off everything I can see was a legit mistake.

The fans are booing the heck out of it too. Goldust puts out HHH. We have Mero, Owen, Austin and Goldust here. Seventeenth is Latin Lover, who has what looks like the Playboy bunny on his tights. He’s considered a rip off of Shawn, as the names are similar and both use the superkick. It’s allegedly just a coincidence but whatever. Apparently Mero and Sable aren’t fighting anymore. Thanks for the update.

Owen throws out Goldust and Farrooq ia 18th. He puts Latin Lover out. Austin and Farrooq go at it which could have been a sweet feud. Ahmed runs out with about an 8 foot long 2×4 and beats on Farrooq a bit, as he eliminates himself. Austin puts out Owen and Mero and we’re down to just Stone Cold. He’s quickly joined by Savio Vega who had a bad feud for awhile. Austin puts him out with about his 5th clothesline of the night in less than 30 seconds.

That’s his 6th put out of the night. Road Dogg (called Jesse James here) is 20th. He lasts a bit longer but still less than a minute. The Outlaws were coming soon though, saving his career. And there it is: in the moment of the match, Austin is looking down as the buzzer goes off, and it’s Bret Hart.

The look on Austin’s face absolutely makes this match. It is so perfect as he’s like OH SNAP as Bret not quite power walks down to the ring. Austin says bring it on, Bret does just that. The fans are, in a word, insane for this. The scary thing is, despite having a classic at Survivor Series and a classic moment here, their next match would blow this out of the water.

In a very funny spot, Lawler is 22nd. He leaves by saying “It takes a king…” and then gets in the ring. Bret punches him out in 4 seconds, and his first thing back on the mic is “to know a king.” That was awesome. Fake Diesel (Kane) is 23rd. Now he actually could have worked, simply because he looks a lot like Diesel if you avoid close-ups of his face. He beats both guys down as we’re way too close to the end already.

Terry Funk is 24th as X is happy. He almost had gotten fired for cursing like Terry Funk would on Shotgun the previous night. Shotgun was a GREAT idea for what it was: an “adult” show that was broadcast from a different place in New York every week. It was way ahead of its time but in the next year or so it would be average which is what killed it. Rocky Maivia is next. He’s a rookie here, but DANG look at the talent in there.

All world champions, all eventual hall of fame members (yes, Kane belongs in there). We add to the talent with my all time favorite wrestler: Mankind. In an interesting note, other than Hart, Foley has been tag champions with everyone in the ring. That’s impressive to me. It’s very rarely seen, but Austin has a tattoo of Texas on his left calf. I’ve never seen that before. Flash Funk (2 Cold Scorpio), a pimp without being called one, is 27th.

It’s a shame he was old here, as he was one of the most talented guys I’ve ever seen. We up the ante a bit more with Vader here at 28. Lawler is back to his hatred of Bret Hart which never gets old. Austin goes for Vader and is promptly killed. A funny bit to this match is Lawler “forgetting” he was in this match. To bring the awesome run of talent to a screeching halt, Henry Godwin is 29th.

I know I haven’t recapped much here, but there haven’t been a ton of people in the ring at once until the end here so there wasn’t really a need for it that I saw. The clock runs down, and the lights go out. A gong sounds, and the fans ERUPT. Taker is apparently a hero here, as they tease him turning heel. That wouldn’t happen for almost two years so it doesn’t matter.

At the moment, we have Austin, Hart, Fake Diesel, Funk, Rock, Mankind, Flash Funk, Vader, Henry Godwin and Taker. Which of those just doesn’t belong? Notice a big key here: a clear winner doesn’t exist.

Bret would be the most likely candidate, but there’s no guarantee it’ll be him. Taker winning wasn’t out of the question, Vader got a big win earlier and had beaten Bret on Raw recently, Austin was always a wildcard, Mankind had been more or less unstoppable recently, and Rock was the golden rookie. See what I mean? There are legit options in there other than Bret, which instantly makes this more interesting than last year’s ending.

Austin takes a chokeslam in a rivalry that will flat out never die. Taker punching the man that would become Kane just feels right. Dang that would happen in less than a year. Vader puts out Flash as Rock punches Taker. There are just a ton of awesome matches in there. Other than Godwin and arguably Flash (if he was given his original gimmick: a tough fighter that could fly like a cruiserweight, he could have been a big deal in the company.

Think AJ Styles, but 4 inches taller, a bit heavier and black and you have Scorpio. He’s 32 here, so it’s not like he was some old guy at the time. He’s younger than Austin. Godwin calls a spot to Taker. Austin has done a ton of those tonight, but the beauty of his character is you can very plausibly say he’s just talking trash to the guy he’s beating on. Rock and Bret Hart go at it and that was weird to type.

It’s a total dream match but that might be the most they’ve ever gone at it. In a spot that I really liked, Godwin hits Taker in the back and Taker rises up, grabs him by the throat and gives him a look that says, “Boy are you CRAZY???” and throws him over with EASE. Taker was scary strong.

Ok, so to recap, we have eight people left. Of these 8, counting WCW/NWA/WWF reigns, you have the following: 37 world titles, 17 midcard (US/IC) titles, and 40 tag titles. That’s not counting anything from ECW (either incarnation) or Foley’s TNA stuff, the Streak, the 13 Wrestlemanias they’ve main evented, or the 6 combined Rumble wins of these guys.

Think of it like this: on average, these guys all have about four and a half world title reigns, 2 midcard titles and 5 tag titles, just from WWF/WCW. That’s INSANE. Anyway, Foley puts out Rock as Vader beats on Kane which is an interesting match. Ross says that Foley and Funk are great athletes. There’s something amusing about that. They’re both gone but they brawl to the back anyway just because it’s fun for them.

Also, because it allows for a very interesting ending. The referees are trying to get them to stop fighting, and while they do it, Bret throws Austin out clean. Key to it though: the referees DO NOT see it and Austin slides back in. He throws out Taker and Vader on his own (impressive), just as Bret throws out Diesel.

Austin dumps Bret, and wins the Rumble. The people are TICKED, but not as badly as Bret. He goes insane and with complete justification. He says he’s tired of getting screwed, and the heel turn can be seen inside of him. Bad opening, awesome ending.

Rating: C+. Like I said, the beginning of this isn’t that great. They saved the best for last though as the last third of this field is insanely amazing. You could see Austin with the superstar inside of him just dying to break out and save the company, but it would take the buildup here and the career making performance in two months to get him and the company to the promised land in 15 months. They were really taking a chance here, and I think it paid off.

We get a short recap of Shawn vs. Sid, which is about having a bad attitude. I think you know where that’s going. Make that long. They recap the Survivor Series match and some other random fights which were pretty weak. Shawn says there will be 71,000 here. It’s more like 60,000 but whatever. The crowd looks awesome if nothing else.

Shawn, who apparently has the flu, says that he’ll step up when it matters and Sid is a coward or something like that. Again he says there are 71,000 there and that’s just flat out not right. We see Shawn and Jose coming to the ring. Shawn is wearing sleeves without a shirt, but the sleeves are made of tiny mirrors, as are his chaps. Nope, he’s not self obsessed at all. You can hear the pop already.

WWF Title: Shawn Michaels vs. Sid

Sid took the title from Shawn after working for him for a little while. He hit him with a camera at Survivor Series and took the belt after beating up Shawn’s old manager, Jose. He became the only person to beat Hart and Michaels in this era which completely boggles the mind. In a REALLY cool shot, we follow Shawn and Jose through the back and then through the curtain so we almost see it from his perspective. It looked awesome.

The pop is all there too as Shawn is the complete hometown hero. Some fan has a REALLY loud whistle right next to the mics and it’s annoying. For once in his miserable announcing career, Vince doesn’t talk over a cool intro which is nice. Sid starts coming through the back and the heat is there already. Based on the crowd reaction, this should be at least very good. I love Sid’s music. The ticked off fist pump he did was cool also.

For some reason whenever there’s a neon light it makes his hair look green. The pyro was cool too as it was his name on fire above the ring. If only he could have a decent match to save his life he would be a lock for the Hall of Fame. They have the stare down and the crowd pops. Jerry and Ross show their chemistry until Vince decides that such nonsense cannot occur so he interjects himself into it, which can be translated into JR and King can get a line in here and there if they’re lucky.

For the sake of preventing a riot, Shawn takes control early. It’s a brawl to start us off, which is fine I guess. Shawn is playing Superman here. Shawn in the red and blue wouldn’t work though. Not sure why, but it just wouldn’t at all. Ok, we’re two minutes into the match and Sid is using a camel clutch. Oh this is going to be a long match isn’t it?

Psycho Sid might be the most indy name I’ve ever heard in my life. Apparently this is the last time Jose will come to the ring with Shawn. That’s good to know I guess. We’re still in the camel clutch by the way. I’m getting tired of these bad timing things that I keep doing. Sid is of course working on the back, apparently to set up for the power bomb.

It’s not like the bomb works exclusively on the back. It works on everything at once. You just get dropped through the air and stop really fast. How much back work needs to have been done?

We go to another rest hold since Sid has a higher quota of them than Orton does for chinlocks. Sid taunts the crowd and beats on Shawn some more. We’re in a bearhug now just to make sure that the crowd is as dead as possible to set up the massive pop for the comeback. To be fair though, the crowd never really slows down at all. Vince suggests that Shawn is the underdog.

You mean the CHAMPION that beat the CHALLENGER might be favored? Get this man a Pulitzer. Actually just name it the Vince. That’s never going to be topped, ever. Sid hits a leg drop that I don’t think he used until he had his bad feud with Hogan in 92. Despite having had his back worked on all match, Shawn hits a relatively easy slam. Ross points out how odd this is as Shawn starts his standard ending sequence.

Sid avoids the kick and we’re on the floor now. He hits the power bomb on the floor and the announcers declare Shawn dead. Sid grabs Jose and Jose’s son, so Shawn pops up. Naturally, I mean he was just dropped about 9 feet onto near concrete so why not be up in 9 seconds? Back in the ring the referee is out as Sid hits his chokeslam (called a goozle or something like that by Vince). Shawn gets out of the count from referee numero dos.

He gets popped by Sid so thanks for coming. To cap off the mini feud, Shawn pops Sid in the back like Sid did to Shawn at Survivor Series. Sid doesn’t go down, so Shawn waits for him to turn around and….taps him in the chest with it…to get the cover and a two count. Chin music ends it and the massive celebration is on. We keep cutting back to Jose’s son for no apparent reason other than to be annoying I guess. He’s just a pest for some reason. He looks like a slacker.

Ross says that there’s a lot of class in Shawn. The I Lost My Smile speech would be in less than a month so take that for what it’s worth. Shawn hugs a guy in a Calgary Hitmen shirt. I love that. We plug the next PPV (without a name, it would be called Final Four which was a good show) and we’re out to more Shawn worship.

Rating: C+. It could have been worse. That’s the answer I’m going with here: it could have been worse. This was really just a way to hand Shawn the title back in a big match. It had me thinking of Cena vs. Jericho at Survivor Series 2008, where it was really just a token title match to get the belt back on Shawn. There’s nothing wrong with that and this was fine for what it was.

If you were expecting Sid to keep the belt here, I’d recommend a head operation. I have no idea what kind but just a general one would do. Like I said, Shawn would forfeit about a month later and the #1 contenders match scheduled for Final Four would become for the title.

That night was supposed to be Sid vs. Shawn 3 with Shawn winning and dropping the belt back to Bret at Mania 13, allegedly with a Sharpshooter where Shawn’s leg would be “broken” complete with sound effects, leading up to Shawn winning the series 2-1 at Summerslam and getting the title back to drop to Austin. Granted that’s all according to Bret so take it with a bottle of salt.

The feud got thrown out when Shawn made a reference to Bret having Sunny Days ahead or something on TV, which more or less outed Bret as sleeping with Sunny to his wife and the company, so Bret challenged Shawn to a fight I think and Shawn conveniently hurt his knee up and lost his smile between the two matches. Anyway, the match was ok but not great so there we are.

Overall Rating: C+. There’s an aspect I’ve touched on but not directly talked about here that makes this a weird show and that’s the crowd. As you all know, a crowd can make or break a show. This crowd did neither and it kind of parallels what I thought of it. The crowd here was silent a lot, but when they got into something they got into it hardcore. That fits really well here, as all night long this show either really worked or completely bombed.

The opening stuff is just ok, Vader/Taker was just a good old fashioned fight, the six man was just completely horrid, I liked the Rumble, and the main event was what it was. I think this is one of those shows where what it sets up is far more important than the show itself, but that part was still pretty good. If you’re a fan of this era, check out the Rumble and the main event and maybe Taker vs. Vader (definitely if you’re a Taker fan as he looked great in it) but pass on the rest as it’s just bland.

 

 

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6




Bash At The Beach 1995: Uh….It Looks Nice!

IMG Credit: WWE

Bash at the Beach 1995
Date: July 16, 1995
Location: Huntington Beach, California
Attendance: 9,500
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Bobby Heenan

This is a pretty unique show as it is literally on a beach (and bashing is implied). The wrestling might be hit or miss, but it’s one of the coolest visuals you’ll see and that’s the kind of thing that WWE never does these days. Mixing things up a lot can help and when you have a double main event of Ric Flair vs. Randy Savage and Hulk Hogan defending the World Title against Vader in a cage, we should be fine in the first place. Let’s get to it.

The opening video looks at the main events, while also serving as a Slim Jim commercial.

Video on Meng, who has quite the match on this show as well. Meng is ready to destroy anyone in front of him to defend his honor.

Sting is all fired up to be in his hometown and his parents are in the front row. That’s a death sentence in the WWF but maybe he can survive here.

US Title: Sting vs. Meng

Sting is defending in a rematch from Great American Bash when he beat Meng in a tournament final to become champion. Meng has Colonel Robert Parker with him. Sting has to avoid the strikes to start and drives him into the corner with a test of strength. With that not working so well, they slug it out until Meng yells at him. Meng powers him into the corner and fires off some shoulders to the ribs. Choking ensues to put Sting down and a legdrop gets two.

Back up and they fight over a suplex as they’re in a cross between first and second gear. A shot to the face just annoys Meng and you can see the reality setting in for Sting. Meng knocks him down again but misses the middle rope splash, meaning it’s time for the early Scorpion Deathlock attempt. Sting actually gets it over but Parker’s distraction breaks it up because, as usual, Sting is really stupid.

The distraction lets Meng hit some backbreakers, followed by a knee in the back while pulling on the legs. That’s switched into the abdominal stretch but Sting fights up and gets two off a sunset flip. A double knockdown gives us a bit of a breather until Meng grabs something like a Boston crab. Heenan: “But we’re not near Boston so it’s just a crab.”

Sting makes the rope and comes back with a belly to back suplex to start the comeback. A chop block into a Thesz press gets two, followed by a middle rope spinning crossbody for the same. The Stinger Splash is kicked out of the air though and Meng hits the middle rope splash for two. Back up and Meng misses a running kick to the face, allowing Sting to grab a quick rollup for the pin at 15:31.

Rating: C. Sting knows how to fight a monster and that’s what he had going on here. It wasn’t exactly a great match and I’m not sure how much drama there was over the idea of Meng winning the title, but Sting slaying a monster is going to work every time. It’s almost weird to see Sting as a midcard guy, but he’s going to bring credibility to the title and that’s a good idea.

Post match Meng jumps him again but here’s Road Warrior Hawk for the save as Tony and Bobby argue about the speed of the count.

Jimmy Hart says every wrestling magazine is talking about the Renegade (No Jimmy, they’re not. For those of you lucky enough to not remember, Renegade was as blatant of a ripoff character as you could get, looking and moving like the Ultimate Warrior, with Hulk Hogan even calling him the ULTIMATE surprise when he debuted. The problem was he made Warrior look like Lou Thesz, turning it into one of the more infamously terrible WCW ideas, if that is possible.), who says Hart has programmed him to terminate on sight. Gene Okerlund thinks the California heat has gotten to them.

TV Title: Paul Orndorff vs. Renegade

Renegade is defending and they start fast with Orndorff knocking him down early. A knee to the ribs sets up a knee to the face but Orndorff stops to yell at Hart. That means Renegade can get a boot up to stop Orndoff coming off the top (with the sole purpose of diving into a raised boot) and hit a clothesline to the floor. Tony says that could get some sand on Orndorff’s skin, with Heenan saying it could also break his ankle. These two have very different perspectives on injury risks.

Renegade pulls him back in by the head and then drops Orndorff face first on the mat. We hit the headlock and even that looks awkward, as Renegade just does not look comfortable out there. A running dropkick sends Orndorff outside again and this time it’s a handful of sand to blind Renegade. Some shots to the face keep Renegade in trouble and Orndorff hits hits own dropkick (Tony: “And that was a good one fans.”).

The piledriver is broken up with a backdrop though and the comeback is on, including another awful dropkick. There’s a powerslam but Renegade isn’t sure what to do next so Orndorff throws him outside instead. Back in and Renegade reverses a belly to back suplex into one of his own for the pin to retain at 6:08. Orndorff’s shoulder may have been up but anything to get out of here is a good idea at this point.

Rating: D-. I’ve liked Orndorff more after I watch him over the years but DANG he was fighting a losing battle here. At the end of the day, there was no reason for Renegade to be here other than he looked like Ultimate Warrior. The match was horrible because Renegade is so bad and there is no way around it. This shouldn’t have been on pay per view, but that has never stopped WCW before.

Post match Orndorff gives him the piledriver but Renegade pops up and hits a high crossbody.

We see how Kamala was introduced to the Dungeon of Doom as Taskmaster’s latest soldier against Hulk Hogan. Apparently he has walked the Sahara and climbed Mt. Kilimanjaro. Yet he still can’t find shoes.

Jim Duggan is ready for Kamala because it’s no more Mr. Nice Guy. Have we flashed back to Mid-South?

Jim Duggan vs. Kamala

Choking sets up a bearhug but Duggan uses the power of stomping on bare toes for the break. Kamala goes with the chest claw (as stupid as it sounds) but Duggan is right back with a slam. Duggan goes after Sullivan though, allowing Zodiac to come in with Kamala’s mask to knock Duggan silly and give Kamala the pin at 6:06.

Rating: D. This was a way to introduce Kamala but that makes you realize that you are having to meet Kamala in 1995. I’m not sure how good of an idea that is, but at the same time I’m one of the few who liked the Dungeon of Doom. This stuff felt so out of place and Duggan as one of Hogan’s proxy fighters wasn’t quite enough to make a lot of people care. It would make for a good indy match, but not exactly on a major pay per view.

Randy Savage (I want that Slim Jim shirt) is ready to end things with Ric Flair and wants those lifeguards to keep Ric Flair in person. He’s from Florida and we’re in California but the beach is what matters.

Diamond Dallas Page vs. Dave Sullivan

Page has Max Muscle (I think you can figure him out) and Kimberly (his pretty manager) with him. Dave Sullivan (with Ralph the Rabbit) is Kevin’s nitwit brother and one of the all time worst wrestlers to be on a big stage. A kid gives Kimberly some flowers so Page destroys them, because he’s quite the jealous guy (as he should be because he doesn’t have much going for himself, outside of winning $13 million in a Bingo game, because WCW was weird).

That’s enough to have Sullivan run to the ring and jump Page as the beating is on early. An atomic drop into a running clothesline keeps Page in trouble but Sullivan stops to wave at Kimberly). Page gets in a few cheap shots but charges into the bearhug. That’s broken up as well so Dave hammers away with his right hand/clothesline offense. The inverted bearhug (Dave lifts him up for a piledriver and squeezes, making it an inverted waistlock instead of a bearhug) goes on but Max gets on the apron for a distraction, allowing Page to hit the Diamond Cutter for the pin at 4:22.

Rating: D. Yeah what were you expecting here? Dave Sullivan is one of the worst mainstream performers you’ll see in recorded history and you could see that on display here. It doesn’t help that this was before Page got good, but he was certainly trying and improving, eventually setting up one of the most improbable main event runs of all time. Anyway, horrible match, but when you’re flat out copying George Steele/Randy Savage/Elizabeth, what are you expecting?

Sister Sherri says she and Harlem Heat are ready for the Blue Bloods and the Nasty Boys in the triangle match. Harlem Heat is ready too and rant accordingly. This is back when a triple threat was a pretty rare concept so there is some actual intrigue here.

Tag Team Titles: Blue Bloods vs. Nasty Boys vs. Harlem Heat

Harlem Heat is defending, the Blue Bloods are Robert (Bobby Eaton)/Steven (William) Regal and this has some weird rules. There is a coin toss to determine which teams start and it’s one fall to a finish, but you can be eliminated via DQ and turn it into a regular tag match. In one of the most “because WCW” moments in recent memory, they all flip the coins, but they have to do it again because they’re all heads. So yes, WCW couldn’t manage to rig/lie about A COIN TOSS WHERE YOU DON’T SEE THE COINS without having to try it again.

Booker and Knobbs start but it’s a brawl in just a few seconds because of course it is. Regal takes the Pit Stop and sells it as only he can, falling all the way outside. There’s another to send Eaton outside again and we settle down to Booker kicking Knobbs in the face. Regal tags himself in and stomps on Booker, who takes him down without much effort. The spinning kick to the face keeps Regal in trouble and it’s Eaton coming in, only to get backdropped down.

It’s off to Sags for a legdrop between the legs but Booker is up to forearm Regal as the fast tags continue. Tony points out the lack of logic in tagging another team in as the Nastys hit a double shoulder for two on Booker. Regal comes in to strike away on Stevie but then tags Sags in, causing Heenan to say the Blue Bloods don’t understand the match.

The Blue Bloods start taking turns on Stevie but again Regal tags Knobbs in, completely missing the point. Knobbs hits a splash for two with Regal making the save, earning some rarely deserved praise from Tony. Booker comes back in for a knee to Knobbs and then hands it right back to Stevie for a knee of his own. The Blue Bloods take over on Knobbs again as Heenan gets confused on the rules again.

Stevie gets to choke on Knobbs in the corner but Regal tags himself in to break up the ax kick from Booker. Knobbs sits down on Regal’s chest to break up the sunset flip attempt and everything breaks down again. Booker gets backdropped onto Regal and Knobbs adds a splash to give Sags the pin….on Booker, who is on Regal, meaning Harlem Heat retains at 13:09.

Rating: D+. They were trying something different here but at the end of the day, the teams seemed to get confused by the rules here and it was a big mess as a result. That being said, the ending was creative and I’ll take that over something that is done over and over again. They really needed to tighten up on the execution to make it work, but there was only so much you were going to be able to do with these three teams all at once.

Post match Sherri yells about how great Harlem Heat is and the team agrees. They aren’t worried about Bunkhouse Buck and Dick Slater either.

Commentary talks about the upcoming match while everything is set up.

Ric Flair talks about how Elizabeth left Savage for him (Gene: “Did she go to Space Mountain?”) and now it’s time for Savage to understand what is going on (as we copy another WWF story). Flair is ready to make the girls in California cry again.

Some Baywatch women come to the ring so Heenan gets on his chair for a better look.

Ric Flair vs. Randy Savage

This is a Lifeguard match, meaning Lumberjack. You can tell Savage is serious here because he’s throwing out Slim Jims. Savage punches him down to start and hammers away as commentary keeps talking about Savage’s dad being in attendance. Flair gets sent outside and the lumberjacks are already getting in a fight over throwing him back in. An atomic drop out of the corner lets Flair chop away before sending Savage outside. The same kind of shoving match ensues but Savage sends him into the buckle a few times back inside.

The Flair Flip into the corner is enough for a trip to the floor but Flair is back inside in a hurry. Savage is sent to the apron, where he suplexes Flair over the top and back outside (near the sand for a change, which Tony thinks could be a problem). Back in again and Flair gets in a thumb to the eye, setting up an elbow to the face. The sleeper goes on until Savage sends him into the corner for the break.

Flair sends him outside for a few cheap shots and it’s time to go for the leg. To really mix it up, Flair grabs the leg, goes to the middle rope, and flips forward to snap the leg (never seen him do it before or since). It’s enough to set up the Figure Four with Savage finally managing to turn it over. Flair gets two off a suplex but Savage is right back with right hands in the corner. Savage sends him outside with the lifeguards having to catch Flair from trying to escape.

There’s the top rope ax handle to the head but Savage has to knock Arn Anderson off the apron. Flair gets sent over the top and the referee is distracted, allowing Arn to come in with the DDT. That’s good for two, as is Savage’s backslide. Flair is slammed off the top and there’s another ax handle to the head. Savage heads up top again and does the fingers in the air (with the huge crowd and ocean behind him for a REALLY cool visual) for the elbow and the clean pin at 13:57.

Rating: B-. Savage vs. Flair is always worth a look but this was a pretty paint by numbers version of the match. The lumberjacks didn’t do much of anything aside from the Arn DDT, making it more of a gimmick than anyway else. It felt big because of who was in it, but there are roughly 14 better versions of this match available.

Post match Savage hugs one of the Baywatch women, who manages to not be physically ill on camera.

Video on Vader’s Road Kill Tour, which has involved him destroying everyone on the way to a cage match against Hulk Hogan here. More paint by numbers stuff, but it’s Hogan vs. a monster in a cage. Why mess with what works?

Vader breaks various things and promises to show Hogan who the man is, because Vader fears nothing. While Hogan was out there tanning on the beach, Vader was growing up in the toughest parts of Los Angeles and there is nowhere for Hogan to hide. Vader was extra fired up here.

Commentary hypes up the main event, with Tony calling Heenan a blathering idiot.

Video on Collision In Korea, which is almost hard to fathom these days.

Hulk Hogan, with Jimmy Hart and Dennis Rodman, talks about how they were looking for people to beat up last night. Now it’s time to make Woodstock look like a backyard barbecue while he throws Vader over the top of the cage. Uh, you can win by escape here Hulk. Rodman is going to be guarding the cage door.

WCW World Title: Vader vs. Hulk Hogan

Hogan is defending in a cage and I’ll never not be a bit disturbed by Vader’s helmet. It’s pin/submission/escape to win here. Hogan goes right for him to start and the right hands in the corner have Vader in early trouble. The fans are into the counting here as Hogan can’t elbow him down. They both block rams into the cage and slug it out with Vader getting the better of things and sending him into the steel first.

Hogan sends him face first into the big helmet and then puts it on (Blasphemous!) for a disturbing visual. With that nonsense out of the way, Hogan rips at his face, only to be sent into the cage. The Vader Bomb gets no cover so Vader does it again for the near fall. There’s another ram into the cage and a release suplex drops Hogan again. Vader goes for the door but gets sent into the cage, only to knee Hogan in the head. The top rope backsplash (that’s a new one) misses but Hogan falls down on a slam attempt to give Vader two.

The chinlock goes on and Jimmy Hart instantly goes into cheerleader mode, as he is known to do. Hogan fights up and hits the slam, only to hurt his back. Vader’s middle rope splash gets two and it’s time to Hulk Up. Hogan isn’t having any of these forearms to the back or a ram to the cage, as Heenan is all “oh here we go again”. Vader is sent into the cage over and over and it’s a big boot….as Kevin Sullivan and Zodiac come out. Rodman dispatches them in a hurry as Hogan drops a pair of legs. That’s not enough for Hogan to escape (oh come on) so Hogan knocks him off the top and escapes at 13:13.

Rating: C-. This was as by the book of a Hogan cage match as you were going to get and there was absolutely no drama to the whole thing. Hogan beating a giant is one thing but could they at least make you believe the title was in the slightest bit of jeopardy? That being said, there is a reason that this formula worked so well for so long and the match wasn’t horrible, with the unique setting helping a lot.

Heenan is disgusted as the show ends….in theory at least, as Flair comes into the ring to yell at Vader. Tony isn’t sure if we’re still on the air as Arn Anderson has to come int o save Flair. Vader chases them both off without much trouble and shouts that Flair needs to stay out of his business.

Commentary recaps the cage match and post match shenanigans to wrap things up.

Roll credits.

Overall Rating: D. The two main events were upgrades, but there is a reason that this is such a dark period for WCW. The wrestling wasn’t very good, the stories were about as basic as you could get, and nothing is worth seeing. At least the visual was really cool though as going somewhere else for a special show like this does help. It was clear that they needed to change something up here though as this was a really rough one to sit through.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6




Slamboree 1993: Viva Los Old Guys And Some Of The Rest

IMG Credit: WWE

Slamboree 1993
Date: May 23, 1993
Location: The Omni, Atlanta, Georgia
Attendance: 7,008
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Larry Zbyszko

It’s another request and I’ve ignored my list of shows for long enough now. This is billed as A Legends Reunion, meaning we could be in for some older wrestlers stealing the show. That being said, it’s 1993 WCW so I wouldn’t get my hopes up. The main event is Davey Boy Smith challenging Vader for the World Title so the confidence isn’t the strongest. Let’s get to it.

The opening video talks about how the legends are here along with the superstars of today. Cool concept but the execution needs to work.

The legends (and there are a lot of them) are in the ring, including Nick Bockwinkel, Dory Funk Jr., Don Owen, Magnum TA, Lou Thesz Dusty Rhodes and many more.

Commentary welcomes us to the show, with Larry saying that time fears only the pyramids and old wrestlers.

Maxx Payne, with his guitar Norma Jean, plays a bunch of men carrying a covered….I guess the word is throne, to the ring. It’s the Fabulous Moolah, who belongs on a list of legends but it’s WEIRD seeing her in WCW.

2 Cold Scorpio/Marcus Bagwell vs. Bobby Eaton/Chris Benoit

Benoit was still brand new here, having had a match with Scorpio at SuperBrawl and a few TV matches. Other than that, he was basically a complete unknown on the national stage. Scorpio was one of roughly 34 partners Bagwell had during his three year run as Rookie Of The Year. We get some dancing from the faces to start, with Scorpio being a bit better than Bagwell. Benoit and Scorpio start things off with Scorpio sending him down with some early armdrags.

A spinning middle rope crossbody gets two on Benoit, with Eaton hitting his partner by mistake on the save. The villains are cleared from the ring and we settle down to Bagwell working on Eaton’s arm. Eaton is sent over the top, prompting commentary to try and figure out the over the top rule for the 183rd time. Benoit is whipped into Eaton before a dropkick puts him on the floor as well.

Back in and Bagwell trades arm control with Eaton, who has Benoit distract the referee so he can throw Bagwell over the top. See that one was illegal because a villain did it and it’s too early for a Dusty Finish (if you have a better way to figure out that stupid rule, have at it). Eaton drops the top rope knee (always looks good) on Bagwell and it’s off to Benoit for that hook clothesline of his. Benoit jumps up to the middle rope for a legdrop before it’s back to Eaton.

That means a distraction so Benoit can choke (You can see Eaton walking them through all of these old southern tag spots and that’s great to watch. There’s an art to this and if you have someone who knows what he’s doing, you can get a heck of a match out of people who don’t have much in the way of characters or a feud.).

Benoit comes in for a belly to back suplex into a figure four necklock, with Eaton being right there to grab the hands for the cheating. The top rope splash hits Bagwell’s raised knees though and the hot tag brings in Scorpio to clean house. Everything breaks down with Eaton having to make a save. Eaton hits Benoit by mistake and it’s the Tumbleweed (moonsault twisting into a legdrop, because Scorpio was doing THAT in 1993) for the pin at 9:25.

Rating: C+. See, now this worked out very well and I had a good time with it because it was a nice mixture. You had Benoit and Scorpio there for all of the cool spots and wrestling, with Eaton there to throw in an old spot which would still work every time to tie it together. If you have the talented people in there and the right mixture of styles, you can have a nice match. Or just have Eaton, because he’s one of the best tag team wrestlers ever.

We recap Colonel Robert Parker being beaten up by Van Hammer for not joining up with the Stud Stable. Parker wants revenge, and this won’t end well.

Sid Vicious vs. Van Hammer

This is Sid’s big return as a surprise and it’s a powerbomb for the pin at 35 seconds. Oh yeah that worked, as tends to be the case when Sid keeps things short.

Bischoff is with Red Bastien (he trained the Undertaker) and Bugsy McGraw (hey did you know that Red Bastien trained the Undertaker). Bastien thinks the wrestlers today are younger and faster while McGraw gives his usual promo about everything. By that I mean he isn’t sure which way to turn, walks around a lot, and rambles because he’s kind of nuts. Eric looks a little confused, as most people do. They say hi to their families, and Bugsy thinks Bischoff has on too much makeup.

Dick Murdoch/Don Muraco/Jimmy Snuka vs. Wahoo McDaniel/Blackjack Mulligan/Jim Brunzell

I would ask if these teams were pulled out of a hat but they very well might be, and that’s kind of cool. Mulligan comes in to a big pop and starts cranking on Snuka’s arm. Murdoch grabs Mulligan’s hair from the apron though and the fight is on, with Mulligan grabbing some armdrags. Tony goes into a history of everyone in here, which is quite the fascinating set of details as Tony is trying here. Murdoch needs a breather on the ramp so it’s Muraco coming in, only to get chopped down by McDaniel.

The villains take McDaniel into the corner but he slugs away on Murdoch, allowing the tag off to Brunzell. Just to show off, Murdoch busts out a flying headscissors (Larry: “How could Murdoch get that stomach up that high???”) but Brunzell slaps on a quick sleeper. That’s broken up with ease though and Muraco comes back in with a powerslam. Muraco clotheslines Snuka by mistake but Murdoch is right back in with a neckbreaker.

Rating: C-. All in all, not too bad here as no one looked horrible or anything close to it. That being said, a no contest in a legends match??? They couldn’t have someone take a rollup pin here? That’s about as nuts as you can get on this show, but at least it wasn’t anything bad for the most part.

Mad Dog Vachon wishes he was in the ring and Mr. Assassin wants to fight Dusty Rhodes to settle things once and for all.

Ivan Koloff/Baron Von Raschke vs. Brad Armstrong/Thunderbolt Patterson

Brad, in street clothes, is substituting for Bob Armstrong, and we see clips of him anyway. Patterson says that Bob had a knee surgery and couldn’t be here. That’s all well and good, though I can’t get my head around a Nazi and a Russian teaming together. Patterson and Armstrong clear the ring in a hurry and the fans are rather pleased.

We settle down to Patterson dancing his way out of Raschke’s headlocks so it’s off to Armstrong working on Koloff’s arm. Tony is just firing off history and facts here and sweet goodness it’s amazing to hear this kind of commentary from his mouth. Armstrong gets out of the Claw and brings in Patterson for the gyrating comeback. Everything breaks down and Patterson hits a double chop to pin Raschke at 4:41.

Rating: D. Now this felt more like the bad match that you would have expected under the circumstances. It doesn’t help that Patterson was never good in the ring, Koloff looked old and Raschke has been old for the entire run of his career. That left Armstrong, who was a substitute in jeans. It was a weird fit, but at less than five minutes, it’s hard to get that annoyed.

And now, A Flair For The Gold (Ric Flair’s interview segment on a special set). Ric introduces Fifi the Maid (later his wife/life partner or whatever it is) and we hear Larry say “Hi John” in a line that wasn’t supposed to make air. Anyway Flair is ready to reunite the Horsemen and brings out Arn Anderson, who is ready to take the NWA World Title from Barry Windham. Now we have some bad news: Tully Blanchard isn’t here (in other words, they lied about having the original Horsemen here, which was a major selling point of the show), but Ole Anderson is! Uh, yay.

Ric has someone new on the team though….and it’s Paul Roma, marking probably the lowest point in the history of the Horsemen. Roma was nothing more than a low level/job guy in the WWF for years and now he’s supposed to be a Horseman. This is one of the all time biggest disappointments and it would never work, no matter how much Flair and Anderson tried to get him over. Complete misfire here, but would you expect anything less from 1993 WCW?

Johnny Valentine is on commentary. Ah that John.

Dory Funk Jr. vs. Nick Bockwinkel

Gene Kiniski and Verne Gagne are the seconds. It’s almost weird to see Bockwinkel, who is seven years older, looking ten years younger than Funk. Feeling out process to start with Bockwinkel going after the arm and Funk firing off the uppercuts for a less than scientific method. Bockwinkel’s hammerlock is taken into the corner for more uppercuts and a wristlock from Funk.

A headscissors with an armbar has Funk in trouble before Bockwinkel slams him down, sending Funk outside for a breather. Back in and Funk uppercuts him down, setting up another chinlock. Bockwinkel actually slugs his way out of the corner for two, with Kiniski possibly breaking up the pin. That means some glaring from Bockwinkel, allowing Funk to take him down with a front facelock.

Funk flips out of a Boston crab attempt and grabs a belly to back suplex for two. They fight over a double arm crank as we have five minutes left. You can hear some BORING chants as Funk uppercuts in the corner but Bockwinkel takes him down with a chinlock. Funk fights up and knocks him onto the ramp, setting up a suplex back in with two minutes left.

A piledriver plants Bockwinkel but he gets his foot on the rope. The backslide gives Bockwinkel two but Funk gets the spinning toehold. Bockwinkel grabs the Figure Four so Kiniski comes in for a stomp, which isn’t a DQ. Funk makes the rope and tries a small package but Bockwinkel is in the ropes as time expires at 15:00.

Rating: C. This was a little different as both guys can still do everything, but it wasn’t exactly thrilling. You could tell they were playing to the draw, which made a lot more sense in this match than in the six man. These two are top level legends and I can understand not wanting to say one is better than the other, though it only got exciting in the last few minutes.

Post match all four shake hands for the nice moment.

Lou Thesz is happy to be here and Bob Geigel liked the match. Thankfully Thesz is treated like the legend that he should be, though there is something weird about Mad Dog Vachon getting more time.

Rick Rude/Paul Orndorff vs. Kensuke Sasaki/Dustin Rhodes

Rude is US Champion and Orndorff is TV Champion. Rude mocks the much smaller (by comparison) Sasaki so Sasaki walks around him and shoves Rude HARD into the corner (Sasaki was fairly small but a powerhouse). It’s time to crank on Rude’s arm, with Sasaki picking him up without much effort. Rhodes comes in to work on Orndorff’s arm for a change and it’s Sasaki cranking on a hammerlock.

That doesn’t last long either so it’s back to Dustin vs. Rude in a rematch of how Rude won the US Title. Rhodes hammers away but gets sent outside for the crash on the floor. Back in and Rude snaps off a swinging neckbreaker before handing it back to Orndorff for an elbow to the face. Rude can’t hit a piledriver but Dustin can get in a Tombstone for two. That’s not enough for the hot tag though as Orndorff comes in to take Dustin into the corner, because Orndorff knows how to do the heel thing.

A double should gives us a double knockdown, allowing Dustin to roll over for the hot tag. Sasaki comes in with an atomic drop to Rude, meaning it’s time for a counter hip swivel. Some clotheslines set up a (half) gorilla press and Sasaki throws Rude at Orndorff, who ducks the contact in a landing that was funnier than it should have been. Everything breaks down and Orndorff shoves Sasaki off the top, setting up the Rude Awakening (not a great one) for the pin at 9:45, even with Sasaki flailing on the count.

Rating: C-. This felt like a featured match on Main Event or Saturday Night, meaning that while it was decent, there were some moments in there that looked rather sloppy. Rhodes was just kind of there as well, which is odd given that he was the main challenger for Rude at the moment. Not awful, but it was a weird kind of match.

It’s time for the inaugural Hall of Fame inductions, with Gordon Solie as Master Of Ceremonies. First, we run down a list of legends who have passed away, with one who will be announced later. After a moment, of silence, it’s time to announce the inductees, with each appearing in the ring and receiving a plaque.

Lou Thesz – Like anyone else could have been first.

Verne Gagne – They said this was going across all promotions and this is as good as anyone else.

Mr. Wrestling II – Not the biggest national name, but he was a huge star in his day.

Eddie Graham – If you’ve seen any modern finish, odds are he made it famous (represented by his son Mike).

Lord James Blears and John Tolos love wrestling, with Blears giving Missy Hyatt his monocle.

Sting vs. The Prisoner

That would be Nailz, this would be a Bounty Match (because someone wants Sting taken out) and Prisoner was supposed to be Scott Norton. Prisoner chokes him down to start and chokes even more in the corner, followed by even more choking in the middle. Sting avoids a charge in the corner and the strike off is on, with Prisoner sending him outside. That means a posting for Sting but he avoids a charge in the corner back inside. The Stinger Splash gets two but a regular splash hits knees. Prisoner goes after the referee so Sting goes up top for a clothesline and the pin at 5:17.

Rating: D. Nothing to see here as Prisoner wasn’t exactly good on his best day and he was even worse here. Sting was the top face in the company at this point and he was in a match against someone thrown out there to give him a victory. It was smart to get them out of there in a hurry though, as there wasn’t much that could be done in this case.

The cage is set up for the next match.

The Crusher, with big cigar, is ready to send Ox Baker’s head through a cage because he wrestled more cage matches than anyone else. Ox Baker loves to hurt people and did it better than Crusher. He loves everyone and nearly gets in a fight with Crusher, but hugs Eric Bischoff instead.

Tag Team Titles: Hollywood Blonds vs. Dos Hombres

The Blonds (Steve Austin/Brian Pillman, which I hope you knew already) are defending in a cage and….egads Dos Hombres. So the Blonds beat Shane Douglas and Ricky Steamboat to win the titles, so they dressed up like luchadors and stole a quick win to set up the title match. The catch though is Douglas had left the company before the angle happened, so it was Brad Armstrong under the mask in the first match and it’s Tom Zenk here, but commentary goes along with the idea of it being Douglas. Steamboat says they’re here for a title shot so you can hear his voice, but the other is silent for reasons of THAT’S NOT DOUGLAS.

We see two guys in the crowd who are….not exactly identified but they might be agents or the mob. Anyway Austin goes for Steamboat’s mask to start but gets chopped into the corner, meaning it’s Pillman coming in instead. Pillman is sent face first into the cage as Larry talks about how much he hates cages, so Tony talks about Larry vs. Sammartino for a bit. Zenk comes in to work on the arm and we look at the guys in the audience again. It’s off to Austin, who is sent back first into the cage over and over.

Steamboat’s backdrop sends Austin’s feet into the cage and then the rest of him goes in as well. Austin pokes Zenk in the eye though and it’s back to Pillman for a bit of an awkward sequence to set up some choking. Steamboat is back in to gorilla press Pillman into the cage and there’s a suplex into the cage to leave Austin hanging by his legs (cool visual). Steamboat mocks the Blonds’ camera deal and hands it back to Zenk, who is whipped into the cage instead of into Austin to put the champs in control for the first time.

Pillman starts choking away as Tony recaps the night and Larry tries to figure out who those guys at ringside are. Austin drops the middle rope elbow and Pillman slugs away, followed by the choking in the corner. A raised boot knocks Pillman out of the air but it’s right back to Austin, who is kicked into the cage. Pillman’s top rope splash hits raised knees as Larry talks about what a legend Austin will be in a few years. The hot tag brings in Steamboat for those chops of his as everything breaks down.

An electric chair out of the corner drops Austin and Pillman gets crotched on the top (Larry: “AND NO COMMENT!”) as everything breaks down. The Hombres hammer away in the corner and Steamboat takes off his mask (thank goodness) to hit a high crossbody onto both Blonds for….well two but the bell rings anyway but we keep going. Eh timekeepers screw up everywhere. Stereo dropkicks get stereo near falls for the Hombres but it’s a quick Stun Gun to give Austin the pin on Zenk at 16:08.

Rating: B-. It’s a match that was put on all kinds of DVDs for some reason, even though it wasn’t all that great. The Hombres deal was only so good but at least it was something to make the match a little more interesting. The talent was there (Zenk was good enough) but it was just kind of going along until the ending without much being built up.

On the replays, Larry says the high crossbody was a perfect impression of….Captain Planet.

The cage is taken down so we talk to Dusty Rhodes, Mr. Wrestling II and Stu Hart. Dusty accepts the Assassin’s challenge, Mr. Wrestling knows Dusty is ready to accept the Assassin’s challenge (and thanks WCW for all of the honors) and Hart talks about wrestling being in his family. He hopes British Bulldog wins tonight, which is about as emotional as Hart was going to get.

NWA World Title: Barry Windham vs. Arn Anderson

Barry is defending as I continue to be astounded by the NWA still being around in such a role in 1993. Anderson shoulders him down for a fast two as commentary puts over what a big night it is for him. Barry knocks him back into the corner as we talk about how big a night it is for the Horsemen. Dude Paul Roma joined the team. There’s nothing big about that other than a big mistake.

A quick DDT gives Arn two and Windham bails out to the ramp. They switch places and Windham gets in a knee lift to stagger Arn, followed by knocking him out of the air. Anderson manages to leverage him from the apron to the floor, meaning it’s time to figure out the over the top rule too. Barry goes head first into the barricade, which is legal in the NWA but illegal in WCW, so the match keeps going. It keeps going with Barry cut open on the forehead, but it does keep going.

Back in and we hit the chinlock, only to have Windham pop up and dropkick him off the top. Back in again and a top rope clothesline drops Anderson, setting up a knee drop to the back for two. Half of Windham’s face is covered in blood but he’s fine enough to hit a floatover suplex for another near fall. Anderson gets in the spinebuster for a big reaction but Windham rolls to the floor and grabs the belt. The referee gets bumped as Barry is leaving so Anderson throws him back in. Anderson knocks the referee down again by mistake though and it’s a belt shot to give Barry the pin at 10:56.

Rating: B. I’ve always liked both guys and this was one of Arn’s biggest singles matches ever so it’s no surprise that the results worked. The NWA didn’t mean anything by this point and Barry would lose the title to the returning Ric Flair at the next pay per view, but at least they had one good, old school match here before Windham faded into complete obscurity.

WCW World Title: Big Van Vader vs. British Bulldog

The Bulldog is challenging and Vader has Harley Race with him. They fight over the power game to start with neither being able to get very far. Vader’s shoulder doesn’t send Bulldog anywhere and Vader needs to think about that. Another shot has Bulldog bouncing off the ropes but he’s right back in Vader’s face. With that not working, Vader just unloads on him in the corner (Vader could do that like no one else) and Bulldog is knocked outside for a shot from Race.

Vader goes outside too but gets knocked over the barricade for his efforts. Back in and Bulldog manages the delayed vertical suplex (my eyes popped open) but Vader kicks him away. The middle rope dive into the powerslam (take a shot) sets up a running clothesline to put Vader on the floor again. Back in and Vader just blasts him to take over and drops an elbow on the leg.

The Vader Bomb gets two and Vader hits him in the face a few times. Vader’s middle rope standing body splash has Bulldog in more trouble and it’s time to hammer away in the corner again. They fight over a superplex until Bulldog throws him face first down onto the mat. A headbutt stuns Bulldog more than Vader and there’s a hard clothesline to put Bulldog down again.

Vader misses a sitdown splash though and Bulldog gets two, only to have Vader hit him in the face for another knockdown. There’s a top rope splash but Vader bangs up his ribs in the process. To mix it up a bit, Vader pounds him down in the corner and now the sitdown splash connects. We hit the reverse chinlock but Bulldog lifts him up into an electric chair, as you do to VADER. Bulldog manages the powerslam but Race makes the save. They head outside and it’s a chair to Bulldog for the DQ at 16:14.

Rating: C+. This was good to start but then went a bit long in the middle and had a lame ending. The problem was they kind of ran out of ways to do things to each other and that made for a pretty long ten or so minute stretch, which is quite a bit too much in a match like this. Bulldog was rolling at the beginning, but this needed to be about four minutes shorter.

Post match Vader loads up a powerbomb but Sting comes in for the save.

Magnum TA thinks that was great and they’re not done.

Verne Gagne thinks that was neat and we’re out.

Roll credits.

Overall Rating: B-. It was quite an up and down show which isn’t all that surprising. The legends stuff was probably a lot more interesting than what we would have gotten from a regular show from the era, but stuff like not delivering the Horsemen and having Roma as a sub was a big hit. Nothing is a blow away match but you have more than enough stuff to make the time go by. I liked it well enough and it’s nice to have something to get away from the modern stuff for a change.

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

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Summerslam Count-Up – 1996 (2013 Redo): They Broke Up

IMG Credit: WWE

Summerslam 1996
Date: August 18, 1996
Location: Gund Arena, Cleveland, Ohio
Attendance: 17,000
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Jim Ross, Mr. Perfect

Steve Austin vs. Yokozuna

The opening video is about monsters like Vader and Mankind wearing masks but heroes standing up to them no matter what.

Owen Hart vs. Savio Vega

Post match Justin Hawk Bradshaw comes out to lay out Vega once again.

Tag Titles: Smoking Gunns vs. New Rockers vs. Bodydonnas vs. Godwinns

Rating: D-. This was so boring I could barely keep my eyes open. The tag title scene was so barren at this point that there were practically zero interesting acts at all. That would be the case for over a year when the New Age Outlaws FINALLY brought the division back to life for a few years. Terribly boring match.

Post match Sunny insults the women in the audience and unveils a huge poster of herself to make the arena prettier.

Video on the Summerslam festivities in the city this weekend.

Sycho Sid vs. British Bulldog

The managers keep arguing post match.

Video on Shawn.

Goldust vs. Marc Mero

A clothesline and a backdrop put Goldust down again and a million dollar kneelift does the same. Goldust counters punches in the corner and they both tumble to the floor but Mero slides back in and hits a running flip dive. A slingshot legdrop gets two followed by the debut of the Shooting Star Press, called the Wild Thing. Since this is 1996 WWF, it only gets two. A few seconds later Goldust hits the Curtain Call (reverse forward suplex) for the pin.

Goldust stalks Sable post match until Mero makes the save.

We recap Jake Roberts vs. Jerry Lawler. Jake claimed to have sobered up and was speaking at churches about how Jesus helped him overcome his demons. Lawler claimed that Roberts was a fraud (which was the case in real life as he was still hooked on crack) and tonight is the showdown.

Jerry Lawler vs. Jake Roberts

Roberts finally comes out so Lawler pulls a huge bottle of booze from the bag. Jake pulls the snake out of his own bag to scare Lawler to the floor and the bell finally rings. Lawler looks for a microphone but Jake sends him face first into the steps and hammers away back inside. Back to the floor with Lawler being sent into various hard objects until he steals a drink from a fan to blind Jake. Henry: “So what is the fan going to drink?” Lawler gets one of the bottles from ringside but has to block a DDT attempt. Another DDT is countered and Jerry hits him in the throat with the bottle for the pin.

Bob Backlund campaigns for President.

Paul Bearer comes to the ring. The next match will be won by retrieving the Urn from his hands.

Undertaker vs. Mankind

Undertaker comes back with a trashcan lid to the head and they brawl around the room with Mankind in control. The announcers have stopped talking as Mankind stuns Taker across a wooden stand. A stiff right hand puts Taker down and Mankind chokes away. The camera cuts out for a few moments so something can be edited and we come back with a trashcan shot putting Taker down.

With Taker still inside Mankind barricade the door but Taker kicks it in anyway. They fight up the aisle with jobbers watching from the doors. Taker shoves him across the coffee area, allowing Mankind to get ahead a bit. He throws hot coffee onto Undertaker and crawls into the arena to give the fans something to see in person. Taker catches up with him and pounds away but Mankind keeps him out of the ring.

WWF World Title: Vader vs. Shawn Michaels

Vader is challenging after pinning Shawn in a six man tag at In Your House #9. He pounds Shawn in the face to start before taking his head off with a clothesline. Shawn catches a big boot and leg sweeps Vader down before hitting a low dropkick to stun Vader. Michaels fires off rights and lefts from his knees and Vader bails to the floor. A HUGE dive takes him down again as the fans are finally waking up a bit.

Shawn agrees to get back in but Vader punches him down on the floor. Cornette pops Shawn in the back with the tennis racket and a belly to belly gets two for Vader. Michaels punches his way out of the powerbomb and hits the forearm/nip-up combo. He tunes up the band but Cornette throws in the racket, only to have Shawn intercept it and blast Vader for the DQ.

Ratings Comparison

Owen Hart vs. Savio Vega

Original: B+

Redo: C

Smoking Gunns vs. Bodydonnas vs. New Rockers vs. Godwinns

Original: B-

Redo: D-

British Bulldog vs. Sycho Sid

Original: D

Redo: D+

Marc Mero vs. Goldust

Original: C+

Redo: D

Jerry Lawler vs. Jake Roberts

Original: C-

Redo: D

Mankind vs. Undertaker

Original: A-

Redo: B

Vader vs. Shawn Michaels

Original: A-

Redo: B+

Overall Rating

Original: A

Redo: C

Did I owe this show money a few years ago? My jaw is hanging open as I read these ratings again.

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/07/30/history-of-summerslam-count-up-1996-mick-foley-has-arrived/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6




Summerslam Count-Up – 1996 (Original): When Shawn Snapped

IMG Credit: WWE

Summerslam 1996
Date: August 18, 1996
Location: Gund Arena, Cleveland, Ohio
Attendance: 17,000
Commentators: Mr. Perfect, Jim Ross, Vince McMahon

Well it’s certainly a new era in the WWF. For one thing, Shawn is the undisputed biggest star in the company right now. Bret is on hiatus, and a loud mouthed guy from Texas is flipping people off and cursing a lot. It’s like there’s a growing Attitude or something going on. Eh nothing will ever come of that. I remember this show really well but actually have never seen the main event all the way through.

When I was watching the show live I taped it and for some reason never watched the main event. I guess the tape messed up or something like that, but I’ve never seen all of it so this will be virgin territory for me. This is the night of the first Boiler Room Brawl which is by far and away the most famous match on the show. I have fond memories of this show, so let’s see if they’re justified.

Dark Match: Yokozuna vs. Steve Austin

Austin won the KOTR earlier this year and with his post match promo, instantly became one of the hottest things on the planet. Yoko weight 660 here and would be gone pretty soon. It really is sad to see someone that had undeniable talent reduced to this, simply based on the fact that he couldn’t control his weight. This is a very short match, maybe three minutes or so.

Austin tries to knock him down and can’t, Yoko takes over and goes to the corner, and then in one of the most infamous botches ever, the ring ropes break and Austin just pins him. I’ve never heard anyone say that was planned and based off the announcers’ reactions, it wasn’t planned. Yoko was clearly surprised when that happened, so I’d guess that was all unplanned. Like I said, Austin just kind of rolled him up for the pin afterwards.

Rating: C. This is very hard to grade so we’ll call it average I guess. N/A would probably be a much better grade actually. It’s way too short to tell if it’s good or bad, but it wasn’t terrible and it was on free TV, so how can I complain about bonus not awful wrestling?

We get a very well done intro talking about monsters that wear masks and the heroes that fight them. That’s a really cool idea as both heels wear masks which is a nice connection to make. This was one of the better packages I’ve seen in a long time.

Savio Vega vs. Owen Hart

No real point to this match other than to have a fast opener which there’s nothing wrong with. Apparently both are good with martial arts. I think I missed that memo. Owen has a cast on his hand from an injury that I don’t remember happening. He’s doing the Orton thing as he’s been hurt forever apparently. Cornette isn’t there as he’s with Vader for the main event instead. Savio keeps going for the arm which is very basic yet quite intelligent strategy.

Ross wants to know how Owen passed a pre match physical. Are we supposed to believe that when matches are made on the fly that everyone has pre match physicals? Come on JR give us more credit than that. We go split screen to see Vader warming up for the main event as Vince says that Owen should feel slighted by being ignored by his manager. Why is it that every time someone throws a kick they’re instantly a martial artist?

Anyone else find that to be WAY too broad of a generalization? I certainly do for one. Savio doesn’t seem like much of a martial artist to me and neither does Owen, not in the slightest really. Vince continues to stir the pot saying that Stu isn’t as proud of Owen as of Bret. With talk like that, it’s no wonder he was almost a career heel. Owen has an armbar on Vega for a decent while and he bites Owen to escape. That’s either cool or just freaking stupid and I’m not sure which it is actually.

Clarence Mason, who is the lawyer for Cornette, starts walking towards ringside but no one is sure why. It turns out that he’s more or less staging a coup of Camp Cornette, but that was a bit off in the future. He was worthless to say the least. I’m pleasantly surprised with this match. It’s not mind blowing but it’s certainly not bad at all. I’d even go so far as to say it’s good.

A long match with faster guys is usually an excellent combination. It has one of the critical points that I think makes matches great: I’m not sure who is going to win. That uncertainly factor can work wonders for matches as it gives you a reason to want to see the ending. That’s what makes a match successful or any entertainment for that matter: you want to keep watching it because you’re not sure what’s coming.

They do a belly to back off the top but Savio’s head slams against the cast. Owen plays possum and slams the cast into Vega’s head before putting the Sharpshooter on him. Clarence comes in to celebrate but Owen isn’t sure why he’s there. Not a fan of the ending but this was a good match. On the replay you can see that the referee would have obviously seen the cast shot.

Rating: B+. Like I said I’m not a fan of the ending, but this was a very solid match in my eyes. It was up tempo, there was some storytelling in there, and I wasn’t positive who was going to win. It was a good way to set the tempo for the show and it’s given me high hopes. Based on this match alone, this show is better than last year’s.

Bradshaw comes out and beats up Savio with whom he was feuding with at the tiem in a decent but completely forgotten feud.

Todd goes into the boiler room to talk to Mankind, who says Taker shouldn’t come in here and that he’s ready for battle.

Tag Titles: Smoking Guns vs. New Rockers vs. Godwins vs. Bodydonnas

Again I ask, is it really that hard to get the tag titles on the show? New Rockers are Al Snow and Marty Jannetty, but Snow is known as Leif Cassidy at the time. This has elimination rules which automatically makes it better as it more or less gives you three matches for the price of one. Skip has a neck brace for no apparent reason. Dang the copyright for getting rid of Don’t Go Messin With A Country Boy. JR is given the task of explaining the tag title scene this year. Good luck good sir. You’ll be needing it.

Sunny as a cowgirl is incredibly attractive to say the least. Billy shouts about something unintelligible. She should have been one of the biggest names ever. Not just because of her looks either as she just had a great presence about her. You could see she just knew what to do in front of a camera. That’s a talent that no amount of looks can buy you. Yep, the champions are heels here, I guess along with the Bodydonnas and maybe the Rockers.

This is starting off very slow as would be expected until get the comedy idea of having the Guns fight each other. This lasts about 8 seconds as Zip comes in. He gets tripped and pinned very fast as I think Skip’s neck injury was legit. It seemed way too convenient and pointless to have them out there and eliminated so fast, so I’m assuming his neck really was hurt. I think they were faces or at least tweeners actually, which surprises me. Rockers take over on Hank.

This doesn’t last long as Hank realizes he’s fighting the freaking New Rockers and beats them up with relative ease, pinning one of them after the Slop Drop, bringing it down to the Guns vs. the Godwins. Due to the rules being the way they are, any way this ends means the titles can change hands. Not sure if that makes sense but it’s mid 90s WWF stuff so I’m just going to go with it. Billy just will not shut up and I’m sick of it already.

They beat on Henry for a long time until Billy being the brains of the team sets for a corner splash but screams first, leading to him getting caught. This allows for the lukewarm tag that no one could care less about. Apparently Bill Clinton is turning 50 today.

Hillbilly Jim goes after Sunny which allows for the double team to end the match and the Guns keep the titles. Afterwards Sunny talks about how great she is and offers a gift to the arena unveiling a massive poster of herself, which I’m certainly not complaining about.

Rating: B-. Eh, it was a pretty bland four team match but it let the Guns keep the belts with relative ease and it filled in some time on the card. It wasn’t particularly good, but it certainly did the job it was supposed to: title defense that took up some time and made the champions look good. That’s as good as it can get I guess.

British Bulldog vs. Sid

Not entirely sure why they’re fighting but I think Sid is feuding with all of Camp Cornette at this point. No Cornette with him though as Jim is with Vader. Sid says his usual insane stuff that goes nowhere at all. Again, why was he so freaking popular? Vince thinks Psycho Sid is crazy. Nice one there Vinny Mac.

Vince thinks fans are the same all over the world. Does he sleep through the Canadian shows? After Ross says don’t expect a lot of technical stuff from Sid he breaks out a headlock takeover and various suplexes, the last of which is countered into Davey’s suplex. Clarence Mason comes down to be pointless. Yes we have two big power guys here, laying on the mat with headlocks. I give up.

We see Vader warming up in the back with Cornette. They get it right here for the most part though by showing this while Sid is out on the floor rather than in the middle of action. Powerslam to Sid but Cornette comes out to yell at Mason. A second powerslam is blocked into a chokeslam and powerbomb by Sid to end it.

Rating: D. Boring match that did nothing at all but further the horrible Cornette vs. Mason feud for control over his stable. Once Mason took over the stable died completely. This was just a quick match that had nothing at all going for it and no one cared at all, or at least I didn’t.

Quick video on Shawn.

Goldust vs. Marc Mero

This is stemming from Goldust hitting on Sable a lot in the past few weeks. At least there’s a reason for them to fight. That’s a nice lesson that the writers today need to learn: it’s very possible to have a decent feud with even the most basic of stories. Running in to beat on someone isn’t really a storyline. That’s the common issue that starts “feuds” anymore and that just doesn’t get it done most of the time. Mero says that he’s going to win.

Goldust has been calling Sable mommy or something like that. That was never really explained which I think is the best move. Vince says that Mero and Sable are special people. I’m guessing it means he slept with Sable. JR hints at something called the Wild Thing. It’ll end the match. Naturally in a Goldust match it starts with random stuff from him that inspired the character that is known as KB. I’ve always found Mero to be overrated but he’s doing pretty well here.

Who would have thought that Goldust would still be active 13 years later? Ahmed Johnson, the IC Champion, is out with an injury and they’re not sure what’s going to be done about the belt. It’s vacated very soon if I remember correctly. Correction it was vacated earlier in the week. Mero would win it in a tournament in about a month or so. Goldust takes over for awhile until Mero is beaten down pretty badly.

Mankind comes out for no apparent reason as he and Goldust were working together for no apparent reason. Mero goes into the corner and comes off with a….well he jumped off and…it was kind of like….well he just jumped backwards and hit Goldust. This was of course very risky since it was from Mero. We’re told that Pillman is interviewing Sid on the Superstar line. Have to love that they’ve gotten over Sid nearly killing him in the War Games match in the early 90s.

The fans and commentators are just bored out of their mind but the classic ten punches in the corner gets them going a bit. Mero finally gets in the air a bit and wakes the people up somewhat. After beating Goldust up, they completely screw this up as Mero debuts the Wild Thing, more commonly known as a Shooting Star Press. Now, Mero just debuted a new big move that was clearly a finisher. So the logical thing would be to have him get the pin with it right?

Apparently not as Marlena is on the ropes for all of 5 seconds, which added to the two count is enough for Goldust to kick out. Yeah, that’s great. Let Goldust just kick out of it. If you’re going to do that, have the two count and THEN Marlena up on the apron so the count stops and Mero goes after her. Just don’t kill the move’s credibility that quickly.

They show the double screen of Mero doing and talk about how great it was. Goldust hits the Curtain Call for the pin. I just don’t get that. What’s the point of debuting a huge move like that and have him lose? Goldust tries to kiss Sable but Mero beats him up pretty well for it.

Rating: C+. This just has me shaking my head. It made the Wild Thing look weak here to have Goldust simply kick out of it, as well as just have Goldust beat him clean maybe 90 seconds after it. The wrestling was fine, but I do not get what the point was of the Wild Thing.

Sunny and Farrooq come out, as Sunny’s stable now consists of two cowboys and a black supremacist/gladiator. Does that sound like the beginning of a bad joke to anyone else? Two cowboys, a gladiator and a gold digging woman? Either a bad joke or a cheap B movie. His blue helmet just looks so stupid.

He’s out there yelling about not being the IC Champion. To make even more sense, he lost the tournament in the finals to Mero of all people. Simmons desperately needs to get in the Nation of Domination. Sunny says she gets what she wants and she wants the IC Title. Does that mean she’s going to be in the tournament?

We see a recap of Lawler vs. Jake Roberts. Now this was a very interesting and intense albeit short feud. The idea is simple: Roberts is a recovering alcoholic and Lawler is making fun of him for it, even having a big bottle of alcohol in the corner with him for the matches and offering Jake a drink. Lawler, as a heel, has a huge fear of snakes. Some of the this is actually really disturbing as Jake has a bad issue with alcohol, which means I don’t think it should be used as an angle.

Before the match, we’re introduced to the World’s Strongest Man, Mark Henry. Oh dear. He comes out to Luger’s music of all things so you know this is going to be bad. He can’t even get the headset on right to do commentary. For a guy like Vince that is obsessed with musclemen, this is just a big orgasm, complete with pyro for Henry.

Jerry Lawler vs. Jake Roberts

He’s been on commentary 10 seconds and I’m already annoyed with him. Lawler has a bag of his own but we don’t see what’s inside yet. He’s also rocking a Baltimore Ravens jersey, which is considered cheap heat but to me that’s just pure awesomeness. For an Indians fan like me, this is just fun. Sandy Alomar is there and he says he’s left tickets for the Modells. He brings Jake’s partners, the Jim Beam twins.

He insults Jake’s wife as Henry is cracking up at the jokes, despite being a face. They point out that Henry was injured in the Olympics, as Lawler says that he’s dumb enough to bronze a gold medal. Henry is just awful on commentary. His comebacks are that of a 6th grader. Lawler is just doing one liners here as is his trademark. I never realized how tall Jake is but he’s about 6’5 which is taller than Orton and HHH.

Harvey Whippleman is the referee so Lawler is the most normal person in the ring. Lawler shows what’s in his bag: a massive bottle of alcohol. Henry shows that he’s a long term heel, saying that he’s afraid of snakes. Roberts wraps Revelations, the big yellow snake, around the King. Wouldn’t that be a foreign object? Ross sounds like he’s giving moral support to Henry which is just stupid sounding. After about 7 minutes of stalling, they finally make contact.

However in this case, I’m ok with the stalling as it makes sense here. Vince talks about how Jake is a veteran. I’d think Lawler has more experience actually. Lawler steals a soda from the floor and throws it at Jake. Henry of course is concerned about the fan’s drinking tonight. My goodness he’s terrible at this. Ross suggests that Henry learn the DDT. Yeah that’s a big negative. Lawler hits Roberts in the throat with a bottle to pin him with the tights.

The ironic part of Perfect being on commentary was that he was a huge alcoholic too. After the match, Lawler pours whiskey down Jake’s throat. He gets another bottle to do the same, but Henry, the face, stops him. This got really quite intense, but it was better in ROH when Raven did it to Punk, with Dreamer’s help.

Rating: C-. This was all about the angle and not about the match at all. The match itself would probably be an F, but the angle is very solid. It’s a real life angle that can actually work out. The sad part was how Roberts fell apart with alcohol and drugs in the future as has been well documented.

Backlund is campaigning to be President.

Recap of Taker vs. Mankind. Nothing here that needs explaining.

Boiler Room Brawl: Mankind vs. Undertaker

The way you win here is to come to the ring and claim the urn from Paul Bearer, who will be standing in the ring for the whole match. This is an odd match as Taker comes into the boiler room and immediately stats looking for Mankind. The big problem at first is you can’t see anything. The lighting is terrible and it’s a lot of lurking in the shadows and stuff, which is fine but not for a wrestling match.

Everything is way too dark to really get anything going. The commentators are talking about how Mankind could be anywhere. Now we get to the weird part: as soon as Mankind sneaks up on Taker and beats him up, we lose commentary. It’s not like the audio dies, but they just stop talking. It’s really weird to have a match like this with no audio at all other than the wrestlers themselves and whatever sounds they make while beating on things.

As for the match itself, it’s mainly the two of them hitting each other with random objects, which is fine as it’s just a big brawl in an odd place but the chemistry they have is perfect with each other, making this very fun. We get random things from the announcers, but it’s like a word between all three of them a minute. I’m assuming there’s closed circuit or something in the arena. The video goes out momentarily too but Vince says they’re sorry for it. Ah there it is.

This is mainly just weapons use, which is ok but can only go on for so long. Mankind launches some steam at Taker, which may or may not have been scalding. The crowd pops huge for Taker getting a pipe to the balls for some reason. This is really starting to show how important commentary is to a match as it would help a lot here. Running knee to the area near Taker’s head into a steel door would hurt horribly I think, if nothing else it would hurt Mankind’s knee.

Taker is getting his head handed to him like never before, which seems to happen in every match he competes in against a big time heel. Mankind’s incoherent babbling is a very nice touch. More technical difficulties as I’m pretty sure the fans are watching on closed circuit as they boo the heck out of it. This is the longest its been out for, although we pop in long enough to see Taker being slammed. We’re back now and Mankind has a ladder.

When I say ladder, I mean an old wooden one, not the kind in ladder matches. Here’s where we get the most seen spot of this match, with Taker pulling Mankind off the ladder and him falling onto a bunch of pipes and pieces of metal and wood. Oh, apparently it was a big box. As Taker goes for the door, a thought occurs to me: when Taker was looking around for Mankind just after coming in, why didn’t he just turn around and leave?

The rules just said once they were both in the first to get to the urn in the ring wins, so why not just turn and run? Probably because it wouldn’t be much of a match if that’s what they did I suppose. Big shot with a fire extinguisher which is always cool. They get through the door which is good as this match was in bad need of a change of venue. Mankind does something very smart and barricades the door. That’s actually a brilliant move when you think about it.

The dumb part comes when he stands there to help barricade it. Isn’t the point of blocking the door to be able to run from it? It’s weird seeing wrestlers standing in the hallway as these two fight. Mankind throws hot coffee on Taker, which could be fake I suppose. After about 20 minutes they’re in the arena. The good part is that it doesn’t feel like this has been going that long, which to me says it hasn’t been boring.

Ah good we have TV monitors there to show the people what was going on during the earlier part of the match. That’s nice of them. They fight even more trying to get into the ring. This is a great touch as it’s just more brawling and I like that after this long there’s no real leader. In a sick looking spot, both are on the apron and Taker slings the ropes back and Mankind slams down on the concrete. Taker gets in the ring and takes the knee, but Bearer won’t give him the urn.

Mankind takes him out with the claw as Bearer is laughing. He slaps Taker as JR screams to stop that. Taker crawls to Paul, reaching up for the urn. Bearer slams him in the head with it and hands Mankind the urn for the win. This was huge at the time as Taker had always had Paul Bearer with him. As they leave, Bearer says he’s Paul Bearer and you’re not. Well I’m glad he can say his own name. Maybe next he’ll know his phone number.

We get a single gong which I thought was a mistake but the lights go out and druids start singing. They head to the ring I guess to help Taker. What was it like when they got to the arena? I’m trying to imagine them asking where their dressing room is. The druids carry him out in more darkness.

Naturally, he’d be back soon but feuding with Vader over the WWF Title #1 contender spot, eventually taking the belt at Mania. This would in turn lead to what was likely the biggest angle of his career, as in less than a year, Bear would mention the name of the man called Kane.

Rating: A-. This was a very good fight. The angle was huge at the end, but I think the brawling in the boiler room went on a bit too long. Coupling that with the lack of commentary and it’s just below a classic. This at the time was one of the most brutal matches ever, but what they would do in the summer of 98 blew this so far out of the water it’s unreal. Still, this was great.

In Your House promo.

Vader and Cornette, who is still a bigger name than Mark Madden as he’s on Summerslam here cutting a promo just before the main event, say that they’re going to beat up Shawn and take the title.

WWF Title: Vader vs. Shawn Michaels

Vader had been built up as unstoppable all year and had pinned Shawn the previous month in a 6 man tag. The opening/formula is exactly what you would expect: Shawn starts off hot by throwing all kinds of high risk stuff and punches at Vader and they work for a long while. However, soon Vader takes over after landing a power bomb on the floor. Granted that’s the same move that nearly killed Mick Foley, but we can let that slide I suppose.

Shawn is just getting the tar beaten out of him here so he’s following the Bret Hart formula of start hot, look good getting beaten up, and then make your comeback. Shawn has some mini comebacks and Vader counters with a thumb to the eye. There’s something funny about that to me. Perfect drops the term go home, which means to end the match. That doesn’t happen at the moment of course though as that would just suck for a main event.

Shawn skins the cat which to me is one of the most athletic moves you can do along with the nip up. He gets caught though and Vader just throws him which is a cool looking move. Perfect just hates Shawn to say the least. Shawn keeps trying to come back with punches and clotheslines but they just don’t work. In an odd spot, he slides down to try a sunset flip but Vader puts his foot on Shawn’s chest. Shouldn’t that be a pin since Shawn’s shoulders are down?

He finally takes Vader down with a big clothesline. I think Shawn botches a move as he has Vader down to the elbow but he pulls up and just kind of lands next to Vader on his feet. I think he was trying to make it look like a big stomp but it just missed totally. I wonder why it wasn’t the elbow at that moment. They go to the floor and brawl again, but this time Vader picks up Shawn and drops him over the railing chest/ribs first.

Vader slides into the ring for the count out win. Wait, what the heck? Yes, Vader wins by count out that quick. The female fan at ringside is SCREAMING at Shawn to get up as apparently Becca has made her way to Cleveland. Cornette is ticked off and shouts into the mic that it’s not over yet and demands to keep going. Shawn is called a coward and agrees to keep going of course. Vader beats the tar out of Shawn but a powerbomb is countered by a bunch of punches.

Shawn finally gets the elbow but Cornette throws in the racket. Shawn catches it and beats the heck out of Vader, which is merely Shawn returning the favor for Cornette beating on Shawn earlier in the match. Vader wins by DQ. And so ends Summerslam…again with Shawn leaving to fight another day. Apparently it doesn’t though as Cornette is talking (stop the presses!) again.

Shawn of course accepts one more restart and they’re at it again. Shawn is killing him to start but gets caught. In between the ref goes down and there’s no one to count the pin. Also, Vader gets up from SCM. They set for the Vader Bomb but Shawn moves as the big man goes for the moonsault. He hits a moonsault from the top of his own onto Vader to get the pin. Perfect is ticked off and leaves the announce booth. He comes back all of three seconds later. Shawn poses us out to end the show.

Rating: A-. This was another very good match, but the triple ending just kind of left me scratching my head. It would have been fine had they just done a standard match by giving Vader a ton of time to beat on Shawn, ending with the moonsault to win in. Either way, this was a fine version of David vs. Goliath with Shawn looking like the giant killer at the end of it all to send the fans home happy.

Overall Rating: A. This show was AWESOME. It was the polar opposite of that excuse for a show we had last year. Every match is at least good with some solid angles, brutal matches and good technical stuff. I really liked what I saw here tonight and yes, this certainly lvies up to the hype. It’s certainly in the running for best Summerslam to date and perhaps best ever, but at the moment I’ll have to go with 92 just ahead of it. Still, excellent show and a big recommendation.

 

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

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SuperBrawl 1993 (2020 Redo): This Needs More Attention

IMG Credit: WWE

SuperBrawl III
Date: February 21, 1993
Location: Ashville Civic Center, Ashville, North Carolina
Attendance: 6,500
Commentators: Jesse Ventura, Tony Schiavone

This is a one match show and it is all built around Sting vs. Vader. That’s one of those matches that is going to work no matter what, it’s the White Castle of Fear strap match. In other words, we might be in for some special mini movies, which are always, uh, something. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Vader whipping Sting and abusing him with the strap to set up the main event. This is about as low key of an opening as you can get.

Eric Bischoff and Missy Hyatt welcome us to the show and announce that Maxx Payne is replacing Ron Simmons in the US Title match. Hyatt will be handling interviews tonight but won’t say who she’ll be interviewing. Eric brings out Johnny B. Badd (with the snappy sailor’s hat) to run down the card….and that’s it.

Tony Schiavone and Jesse Ventura run down the card because we might not know what we paid to see.

Maxx Payne plays a rock rendition of the Star Spangled Banner.

Hollywood Blonds vs. Marcus Bagwell/Erik Watts

Bagwell is the Rookie of the Year and it always seemed like he held that title forever. Austin and Bagwell lock up to start and the fans are behind Bagwell for one of the few times in his career. Bagwell armdrags him into an armbar before powering Austin down with a pair of top wristlocks. Back up and Steve punches him down, only to get knocked hard to the floor. That doesn’t last long as Austin is thrown inside for a double backdrop, plus a double clothesline to Pillman.

Watts comes in for an armdrag (which doesn’t work that well) on Pillman and a quickly broken armbar. Bagwell comes in for a crossbody and the headlock takeover puts Austin in trouble. It’s back to Watts and the fans boo him out of the building, including as he puts on an abdominal stretch. The announcers debate the merits of cheating (Jesse: “Always take the easy way out. That’s for all you kids out there.”) as Jesse notes the Watts booing.

A bad looking Boston crab has Austin in trouble so Pillman comes in to kick Watts in the face for the break. Pillman gets pulled down into the STF but he’s in the ropes in a hurry. They head outside with Pillman’s dive off the apron missing to send him crashing into the barricade. Austin is back up to beat Watts down on the floor, with the fans being rather pleased. Back in and Pillman breaks up a sunset flip attempt so Watts can be choked on the rope.

The double teaming is on with Austin luring Bagwell in for some double choking. The Rocket Launcher is blocked with raised knees but Austin is back in with a suplex to break up the tag attempt. Austin misses a running crotch attack on the ropes though and it’s a hot tag to Bagwell to clean house. Everything breaks down and Watts is sent outside but makes the mistake of trying to get back in. That leaves Bagwell to Yellowjacket (fisherman’s) suplex Pillman but Austin comes in off the top to break it up and give Pillman the pin at 16:35.

Rating: C+. It’s rare to see a match with two teams having such different levels of talent in one match. Bagwell was getting better but had a pretty firm ceiling. Watts…..no. I get that he was thrown in WAY over his head, but that doesn’t change the fact that he was WAY over his head. He was so tall, lanky and awkward (not his fault mind you as he had no idea what he was doing at this level) that the fans just did not want to see him.

The Blonds getting cheered like that was awesome to see, mainly because they were one of the best tag teams of the 90s and deserve any cheers they get. Better than expected, but almost all because of the Blonds. They just couldn’t get much more out of these two and it was very obvious.

We get a quick clip of the Sting/Vader White Castle of Fear mini movie, featuring Sting flying to the Rocky Mountain.

Bischoff and Badd confirm that Ric Flair will be here tonight.

Flair arrives but Missy Hyatt is escorted away by security while trying to get an interview.

2 Cold Scorpio vs. Chris Benoit

Well ok then. Jesse picks Benoit for his killer instinct, and I’ll go straight to Benoit elbowing Scorpio in the face to get away from that as fast as I can. Benoit stomps away but Scorpio is back up with a spinning high crossbody. A kick to the face puts Benoit on the floor and it’s an armbar back inside to keep Benoit in trouble. Scorpio goes with the hammerlock with his feet and drops backwards to crank on the arm, which does look rather painful. Back up and a Japanese armdrag sends Benoit outside in a huff.

Benoit gets back in for the test of strength with both using some good looking bridges. Scorpio takes him down by the arm again and drops a leg but misses a dropkick. Benoit misses an elbow though and the armbar goes on again. Back up and Benoit ducks a spinning kick to the face and hits that nasty clothesline of his. The backbreaker lets Benoit bend Scorpio’s back over his knee before we hit the chinlock.

Benoit drapes him ribs first over the top and kicks Scorpio outside. A shoulder to the ribs has Benoit staggered but he’s able to avoid the missile dropkick. The chinlock goes on again and it’s off to something rather close to a Liontamer. For some reason Benoit lets go of the hold and grabs another chinlock as we hit the fifteen minute mark about thirteen and a half minutes in. With the holds not working, Benoit takes him up top for a belly to back superplex.

The very delayed cover gets two and a Russian legsweep gets the same. Benoit powerbombs him for two with three minutes left. An enziguri drops Benoit and Scorpio adds a clothesline to send Benoit into the corner. The spinning splash in the corner connects and the twisting splash (which would today be known as Twisted Bliss) gets two. With forty five seconds left, Benoit blocks a victory roll and drops a middle rope leg for two more. Benoit is getting desperate but Scorpio grabs a rollup for the pin at 18:20 (or 19:59 officially).

Rating: B. The good start to the show continues in a much less surprising result. How were these two not going to have a good match? The timing makes sense here as it adds more drama and given that they were only off by about a minute and forty seconds is a minor miracle. I can always go for some Scorpio and while Benoit wasn’t at his greatness yet, you could see all the tools there, waiting to be developed.

Maxx Payne is replacing the injured Ron Simmons in the US Title match. He and his guitar (Norma Jean) have a song ready for champion Dustin Rhodes and of course we hear a little bit….of Taps.

Bill Irwin vs. British Bulldog

Irwin is an evil cowboy and the Bulldog gets a ROAR on his in-ring debut. Smith shoves him down with ease to start and the fans are behind Smith the whole way. Irwin’s shots against the ropes don’t do much good as Smith runs him down with ease. A hard clothesline puts Irwin on the floor and it’s a gorilla press back inside to make it worse. Back in and Irwin kicks away at the ribs as Tony tries to figure out what Jesse means when he talks about Bulldog’s cornrows.

A cover gets one with Smith pressing launching him on the kickout so the chinlock goes on instead. That’s broken up in a hurry and Smith sends him into the corner for a running shoulder. Jesse: “How come they call it an Irish whip? Is it from Ireland?” Tony: “Uh yeah 1863 in a wrestling match there.” Jesse: “….that’s amazing.” I have no idea if Tony made that up on the spot or not but Jesse had NOTHING in response. Anyway Irwin gets up a boot in the corner but dives into the running powerslam for the pin at 5:43.

Rating: D+. Not much of a match here but it was fine enough for an introduction to Smith. A lot of people already knew who he was but you need to let him come in there and beat someone up. That being said, it wasn’t exactly thrilling and Smith looked like he was already getting old and slow. Go while you have the chance I guess, but it wasn’t exactly good.

Vader is waiting for Sting in the White Castle of Fear.

Smith wants the World Title and is ready to eat Vader up.

Badd and Hyatt are ready for the UK tour.

Paul Orndorff is ready for Cactus Jack….who is right here to start their match in a hurry.

Paul Orndorff vs. Cactus Jack

Falls Count Anywhere and Jack chases Orndorff through the entrance with a shovel. Orndorff chokes with an electric cord but Jack slams him onto the concrete. The mats are pulled back for the elbow off the apron and the super sunset flip to the floor for two. They go inside with Orndorff ripping at Jack’s mouth but that’s enough so they fight outside and over the barricade.

Tony FINALLY explains the story here, as these two fought to team with Vader in a cage match but Vader jumped Jack. That made Jack get the shovel and he’s been swinging it since. Back to ringside with Jack being sent into the barricade, followed by a top rope ax handle to the head back inside. Orndorff starts going after Jack’s bad knee, taking the brace off in the process, and then suplexes him over the top and onto the apron (that’s a new one).

The Figure Four goes on and Orndorff grabs the rope. For some reason the referee yells at him but Jack punches Orndorff in the face for the break instead. Makes sense. They head outside again with Orndorff sending him knee first into the concrete. The knee brace to the head sends Jack to the floor again and Orndorff unloads on the leg with a chair. Orndorff calls for the piledriver but Jack channels his inner Old Man Marley and hits him in the face with the shovel for the pin at 12:17.

Rating: B+. Now that was a lot of fun as these guys beat the living heck out of each other for twelve minutes. It takes something special to hang with Jack in a fight like this for so long and that’s what Orndorff was. He’s grown on me a good bit over the years and they had a really, really good brawl here. Orndorff looked awesome and Jack was crazy over with the fans so what more do you need?

Rock N Roll Express vs. Heavenly Bodies

This is part of the Smoky Mountain Wrestling talent trade with WCW, meaning Jim Cornette is here with the Bodies. The idea is now former WCW boss Bill Watts brought out the Express as the SMW Tag Team Champions but Cornette came out with the Bodies and said not so fast. A feud was set off and it’s time to fight here, with Bobby Eaton out with Cornette and the Bodies.

So yes, Eaton and Stan Lane are against the Express and unfortunately we couldn’t get one last WCW match between the famous teams. The Express of course gets a crazy reaction and the fans can’t stand Cornette, partially because he talks about how ugly the fans are. It really isn’t all that hard you see. Eaton gets ejected before the bell (Cornette hugs him goodbye) and it’s Prichard driving Gibson into the corner to start.

A flying headscissors takes Prichard down though and it’s off to Morton for the hurricanrana. Lane comes in off a hot tag and is immediately armdragged into an armbar as the Bodies can’t get much going early on (because these people know how to book a southern tag match). Morton works on Lane’s arm and sends him into Prichard in the corner and Gibson comes in to do the opposite. Cornette and company need a breather on the floor, with Jesse making a thinly veiled gay joke.

A double backdrop puts Prichard down but he gets Morton into the corner. Morton is out in a hurry though and it’s a four way standoff. Morton and Lane hit the crisscross but Morton drops to the floor to chase Cornette. Back in and the Bodies get caught in a double noggin knocker and a right hand drops Cornette off the apron. Cornette gets a grab of Morton’s foot though and the Bodies FINALLY take over.

A swinging neckbreaker gets two on Morton and the chinlock goes on. The referee catches Lane trying to sneak in and breaks it up but Cornette distracts the referee as Morton grabs a sunset flip. Lane makes the save so Prichard can hit the powerbomb for two. A double DDT gets Morton out of trouble and the hot tag brings in Gibson to clean house.

Everything breaks down and it’s a double dropkick to Prichard but the illegal Lane and Morton distract the referee. Cornette comes in to distract Gibson though and Prichard is up with a bulldog. Morton is back up to take Prichard down for two but Cornette has the referee AGAIN. Cue Eaton, but he hits Prichard by mistake, allowing Gibson to get the fast pin at 12:53.

Rating: B. This is the old southern style tag match with five people who could do this match int heir sleep and then did it rather well indeed. It was a great flashback to a long gone era and that’s the point of something like SMW. Granted that didn’t work long term, but for a one off like this, it was pretty awesome.

Sting isn’t sure what to make of the White Castle of Fear.

US Title: Dustin Rhodes vs. Maxx Payne

Payne is challenging and substituting for an injured Ron Simmons. We even get a quick rule explanation and we’re ready to go. Dustin knocks him to the floor and then clotheslines him outside again. Back in and the armdrag sends Payne outside for a third time in less than two minutes. The armbar slows Payne down but he fights up, only to get caught in a running armdrag into another armbar.

Back up and Payne misses a charge into the corner, meaning we hit the armbar all over again. Payne fights to his feet again, misses a shot, and gets kneed in the arm again. Dustin charges into an elbow but gets up a boot in the corner. With nothing else working, Payne hits Dustin in the face and grabs…his own armbar. Egads can these people do anything else?

The Payne Killer (yes, another armbar) is blocked so Payne puts a knee in the chest instead. Some forearms put Dustin on the floor and a backdrop puts him down back inside. Dustin’s comeback thrills the people who haven’t left their seats and Payne misses an elbow drop. A running clothesline puts Payne down and a suplex gives Dustin two. The abdominal stretch goes on but Payne breaks it up, sending Dustin into the referee for the DQ at 11:29.

Rating: D. Egads what a mess this was. It was a bunch of armbars until they had a sloppy brawl and a bad ending. They really couldn’t come up with anyone better to challenge Dustin than Payne? I know Simmons wasn’t available but come on already. At least find someone who looks like a threat or you could pin.

Vader and Sting finally meet. These clips are less than ten seconds each and that might be for the best.

Here’s the returning Ric Flair to do commentary on the NWA World Title match. Flair is all fired up and reminds us that he never lost the title.

NWA World Title: Barry Windham vs. Great Muta

Windham is challenging and yes, we’re supposed to care about the NWA in 1993. Muta has Hiro Matsuda with him. We get the introductions and the WE WANT FLAIR chants are on again. Oh and the NWA allows you to come off the top, because the NWA and WCW had different rules and fans were supposed to be interested in all of this stuff. Feeling out process to start and Windham easily gets the better of a test of strength.

That’s broken up and Muta headlocks him to the mat, with Windham at least trying to fight up, which is something you don’t see often enough in a situation like this. Windham fights up for a belly to back suplex attempt but can’t escape yet. Back up and Muta scores with a dropkick so the headlock can go on again. Windham still can’t suplex his way out and we’re told it’s ten minutes in, even though it’s been less than seven.

Muta snaps off a suplex and drops the power drive elbow. The headlock stays on, they fight up, the headlock takes them down again. Another dropkick misses though and Windham hits a DDT for no cover. Windham knocks him outside as Jesse talks about Flair’s intimidating security team at ringside. Back in and Windham drops some knees to the head for two before grabbing the sleeper.

That stays on for a good while as the rather slow pace continues. Some feet on the ropes make it clear that Windham is the heel here, though I have a problem believing that the fans are going to be interested in anyone but Flair. Back up and Windham gets two off a gutwrench suplex before sending Muta outside. That lets Muta get fired up and the slugout is on with Windham getting the better of it and grabbing a chinlock. Muta fights up with some shots to the face but can’t get a sunset flip.

Windham’s piledriver attempt is countered with a backdrop so he knocks Muta right back down. The superplex is broken up though and now the comeback is on, including the handspring elbow. Muta misses the moonsault (as pretty as ever) but he’s fine enough to hit a belly to back suplex. Another moonsault attempt hits knees and Windham hits the implant DDT (or close to it as Muta was still on his feet while Windham landed) for the pin and the title at 24:09.

Rating: D. Well that didn’t work and the reason was Ric Flair. Ok so maybe that was part of it, along with Muta apparently having the flu. At the end of the day though, the fans only cared about Flair and were stuck waiting almost five more months before he would win the title. I’m sure there’s a logic to it, but having anything involving the NWA at this point was a waste of time.

Vader and Sting strap up.

The hosts make their main event picks.

Vader vs. Sting

Vader’s World Title isn’t on the line and it’s a strap match (four corners version) with Harley Race in Vader’s corner. They take their sweet time setting up the strap, allowing Jesse to point out how hard it’s going to be for Sting to pull Vader anyway. Vader uses the strap to pull him down to start and then does it again to set up the story of the match in a hurry. Sting is down again so Vader drops an elbow to the ribs as commentary explains the always hazy “broken momentum” rule.

A middle rope splash crushes Sting but he’s back up with those shots to the face that only he could make work. An enziguri of all things puts Vader down but Jesse points out that you can’t drag Vader around when he’s on the mat. The top rope splash makes the problem worse but Vader starts rolling around. Sting starts whipping away, including a shot to knock Race off the apron.

It’s time to go outside with Vader being pulled hard into the post and there’s a slam to put Vader down on the floor. Sting gets two buckles (posts actually) out there but gets sent hard into the barricade to break that up. Vader’s back is bleeding after that whipping so Sting makes it worse with a Samoan drop back inside. The standing body splashes put Sting down but he backdrops his way out of a powerbomb to show off the strength. Sting misses a top rope splash and gets crushed by Vader’s version.

There’s a Samoan drop to Sting to even the score and the Vader Bomb has Race celebrating. Now it’s time to whip Sting, with Jesse saying it’s like Tony whipping his children. A super Samoan drop knocks Sting silly but Vader can only get two buckles. The Vader Bomb misses and the fans are all happy again. The breather lets Sting crotch Vader on top and a slam brings him back down.

Vader is up first again though and hits Sting in the face, only to have Sting do it right back. A superplex takes Sting down again for three buckles but Sting ties his leg around the ropes. Sting drops Vader again and the momentum is broken. You don’t tick Vader off though so he unloads with rights and lefts in the corner. Vader uses the strap to pull him in so Sting uses a Liger kick to get a knockdown.

There’s a DDT but the referee gets bumped. Sting doesn’t seem to mind as he picks Vader up in a fireman’s carry for three, only to trip over the referee. Sting is exhausted so Vader sits on his chest and ties him up for three, but Sting isn’t done. He is however eternally stupid though and kicks Vader into the corner to give him the win at 20:54.

Rating: A-. Like these two could ever do anything wrong. Vader’s back was SCARY out there as he was covered in blood and looked like he had fallen on glass. This was what you would expect out of Vader and Sting, even if the White Castle deal was pure early 90s WCW stupidity. Ignoring that though, it’s a heck of a fight and makes me want to watch them go at it again, which they would do for a long time to come.

Post match Sting whips Vader to the floor.

Barry Windham joins the hosts and promises to win all the titles.

Tony and Jesse wrap us up.

Roll credits.

Overall Rating: B+. There are bad things on the show but the stuff that works are more than enough to make up for them. This is an awesome show and a true hidden gem that no one ever talks about. Aside from the White Castle stuff and thinking the NWA still mattered (I’m still surprised it even existed) at this point, they let the wrestling speak for itself here and that is often a very good idea. Make a few changes and this is an all time classic, but as it is, it’s just a heck of a show and worth seeing if you clip some stuff out.

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

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Fall Brawl 1993: I’m As Shocked As You Are

This is a rather old one so I apologize in advance for the quality.

IMG Credit: WWE

 

Fall Brawl 1993
Date: September 19, 1993
Location: Astro Arena, Houston, Texas
Attendance: 6,000
Commentators: Jesse Ventura, Tony Schiavone

This is from the awful period for WCW when they were borderline unwatchable. This is a WarGames show and also has a thirty minute Rude vs. Flair match for the International Title (which is the parody of the NWA Title that I’ve gone over a dozen times and I’m sure I’ll do again here. I really don’t want to do this one so let’s get to it.

The opening video is about Fall and how kids go back to school and all that jazz. Everything isn’t ok though as WCW is invading Houston! There’s really no connection there but whatever.

It’s weird to see a show from WCW in Texas. Tony and Jesse introduce Eric who introduces our first match.

TV Title: Steven Regal vs. Ricky Steamboat

Yes it’s that Regal. I still can’t get over the idea that his butler is Bill Dundee. We have the double ring setup as tonight it’s WarGames of course. They’ll be alternating back and forth. The first match is in ring one. Dragon has the scales and such here which is odd looking but he’s Ricky Steamboat so who can argue?

Buffer introduces Regal as being very dapper. There’s something funny about that name. Oh and I almost forgot: this is the first WCW show when they’re officially out of the NWA and are completely free. Steamboat has bad ribs from a beating last night by Regal on Saturday Night.

Speaking of Saturday Night, this is a very interesting show because the results for all the big matches had been spoiled. This is one of the major reasons why the NWA was mad and ultimately eliminated. WCW would tape MONTHS of shows in advance, giving away storylines to anyone at the tapings. For instance, later on there’s a title change and a new manager debuts. Both were known almost a month prior to them occurring.

Now think about why this is a problem. First and foremost, people know about the storylines months in advance. Second though, think about how the wrestlers are being treated. Look at Miz today as WWE Champion. Apparently his reign was supposed to be shorter but he has impressed management so much that they’re giving him a longer reign. Now look at this version of WCW. With the title changes set in stone for months down the road, why would you work hard, knowing that no matter what you do, the title changes have already happened? What’s the incentive to work harder? See the problems here?

Anyway, on to the match. Apparently Regal hurt Steamboat with an umbrella. Regal tries to go after the ribs so Ricky has to fight defensively for the majority of the opening. Off to the ramp for a bit as they try to defend Steamboat throwing him over the top to the ramp rather than to the floor. Also, shouldn’t throwing someone over the top to the ring also be a DQ?

Regal uses simple psychology here by going after the injured ribs like anyone with a brain would do. That’s the basic definition of ring psychology: why would a person do just what they did? If you were in a real fight and you knew the other guy had an injury, you would go after it right? It makes sense to, which means it’s good psychology here. Steamboat chops away in the corner and we get some reversals on Irish whips resulting in Regal’s arm hitting the buckle.

Steamboat works on the arm, again using psychology. Old guys know basic thoughts. Regal gets what appeared to be a thumb to the eye and we get an unheard of STEAMBOAT SUCKS chant. What the heck??? Steamboat plays possum and gets a leg drag but uses his leg to take Steamboat over. It’s hard to describe but imagine an arm drag by Steamboat but Steamboat uses his leg to get it over.

Back to the arm and shoulder and then up for the cross body. Steamboat’s ribs are hurt by the move though and he can’t cover. You can tell the camera side is empty as they never get close to showing it. It’s a WCW trademark and you can tell why they do it because at I think Beach Blast 93 we saw the other side and it was completely empty. Regal does the same short arm scissors lift that Bulldog famously did to Shawn but he can’t break the hold.

I was right about the crowd as they caught a quick shot of part of it. It must be Halloween because everyone is wearing an empty seat costume. Off to a chinlock by Regal. This has been 98% mat wrestling so far. It’s not incredibly interesting but it’s very technically sound of course. Off to a body vice by Regal which is a perfect move for him to use here. When did Regal start using power moves though?

Modified surfboard by Regal where he leans back with it but leaves Steamboat on the mat for a bit and just pulls on the arms. He pulls back a bit and has Steamboat more or less on his knees to give you a visual. Regal gets a nice butterfly suplex for two as we alter the style a bit. Steamboat counters into a slingshot and gets a one count while he’s setting up for it. I guess that’s a cover of some sort?

Steamboat can’t slam him and Regal falls on him for two. Ventura says Ricky should get himself disqualified. Regal tries a Tombstone but gets reversed into one of the softest Tombstones I’ve ever seen. You can hear the crowd just die on it’s impact. Steamboat counters a belly to back into an O’Connor Roll for two. Steamboat goes up and hits the cross body but hurts his ribs again. PSYCHOLOGY BABY! Ricky skins the cat but Sir William (manager) DRILLS him in the head with the umbrella so a German suplex gives Regal the TV Title.

Big Sky vs. Charlie Norris

Big Sky is more famous as an actor, most known as being Sabretooth in the first X-Men movie. Norris is an Indian. Also Sky (who looks a bit like Jericho but about a foot taller) played Michael Myers in the Halloween remakes. In case you can’t tell, this match sucks right off the bat due to a lack of talent from both guys. The fans want Flair and I can’t blame them a bit.

Norris, also a big guy, hooks an armbar. The fans shift to a boring chant and again I can’t blame them a bit. Sky gets a chokeslam and won’t cover. A legdrop gets no cover as he chokes away instead. Middle rope knee drop misses and Norris does a war dance and chops away. Bicycle kick ends this to a pop, I’d assume because it’s over.

Paul Orndorff/The Equalizer vs. 2 Cold Scorpio/Marcus Bagwell

Equalizer is better known as Dave “Evad” Sullivan and is horrible. Orndorff looks like he’d rather be shot than be here. Bagwell is rookie of the year for like the 5th year running somehow. This is thrown together match and they say how it’s added on. Ventura talks about being in Demolition Man with Wesley Snipes which is kind of cool. Scorpio’s eyes are bugging out of his head of course. He and Bagwell are coming for the titles apparently.

They have matching tights that are purple and gold here, making them apparently Laker enthusiasts. Bagwell and Equalizer start us off and Bagwell gives him a pelvic thrust. You always kind of wonder about him. Both good guys finally get Equalizer down with a double dropkick. Equalizer almost hits Jesse on his way to the floor. You can hear a director say to keep the other side off camera. That’s too funny.

Scorpio gets beaten down by Orndorff as momentum changes. The best definition I can give you of Scorpio is a Cruiserweight in a nearly heavyweight’s body. He was insane and could move like few others ever but had the size to not look like a joke. Ornforff hammers away on Bagwell but gets caught in a floatover suplex for two. Bagwell hits the ropes but Equalizer pulls the top rope down to send him over, where Marcus might have hurt his knee.

Equalizer slams him on the floor and oddly enough, despite them being maybe two feet (literally) away from Jesse, he watches on the monitor instead of just turning his head. Not saying it’s a bad thing but just odd. We hit the chinlock with Equalizer holding Bagwell for awhile. He gets out and a crucifix gets one. As Orndorff has a bear hug on, Tony says Fall Brawl is underway! You know, 45 minutes into the show!

Cold tag to Scorpio who beats up Equalizer and Orndorff because he’s awesome. Cross body gets two on Equalizer. Everything breaks down and the Laker team…screws up as Bagwell whips in Equalizer but he clotheslines Scorpio. Nice job guys. In a pretty good ending, Orndorff hits Equalizer with a knee but it knocks him right into position for the 450, but it wasn’t contrived for once.

Rating: D. Oh man this was bad. There was ZERO point to this and no one cared. I mean NO ONE cared. I know it was thrown on, but dude can you at least give us a match that is decent? I rarely complain about bonus wrestling but this is a case where I can certainly do that. Awful match but Scorpio keeps it from failing.

Heels beat them down post match.

Regal addresses the crowd, saying he’s better than they are. There’s something about British heels that is perfectly hateable.

Shanghai Pierce vs. Ice Train

Pierce has Tex Slazenger with him. They would move to the WWF in about a year and become the Godwins. Ice Train is more or less Big Zeke but with even less talent. I always liked him for some reason. Oh and Pierce is in a mask. They’re from Texas but are being booed anyway which is appropriate somehow. Power vs. power here with Train being the stronger of the two.

This is one of the least interesting matches I’ve seen in a very long time. Basically imagine every power vs. power cliché you can think of and add in some heel lariats and you more or less have the entire match. The heels try to use a bullrope but he runs right through it and a bad powerslam ends it. This was nothing. No rating as I have nothing to say about it at all. Let that sink in for a bit.

Tag Titles: Nasty Boys vs. Arn Anderson/Paul Roma

Ok let’s clear up a few things here. First of all, Anderson and Roma (Horsemen here) are faces. The Nasty Boys are challenging them and have no manager coming into the match. The next FOUR MONTHS (in other words, giving away the results of the next THREE PPVs) have already been taped. At those tapings, Roma is a heel and not a Horseman, the Nasty Boys are tag team champions and they have Missy Hyatt as a manager. See what WCW was like back in the day?

Naturally Missy comes out with them and NO ONE is surprised. Missy was famous for having a big rack and that’s about it. Naturally, that’s all Tony and Jesse talk about. We even get big match intros here. Roma and Knobbs start us off as Jesse looks at Missy a lot. Roma gets in a right hand and Brian bails. Back in and the fans don’t seem all that interested.

Naturally the announcers talk about Missy and make sex jokes. Roma hits both guys with powerslams and the Horsemen stand tall. There’s money on the floor for some reason. I guess Missy has a good night the previous night? Sags wants Anderson and apparently that’s enough to warrant a Horsemen tag. Anderson works on his knee and then it’s back off to Roma. What did I do to deserve this?

The fans chant take it off which Tony tries to say is them giving Missy a hard time. Just keep telling yourself that dude. Now they think she’s a crack ****e. Dang I didn’t realize ECW had come to Houston yet. Wishbone split to Knobbs as the Horsemen dominate. They work on the knee of Knobbs who has been in there about 90% of the match so far. The fans say take it off.

Hey while we’re in the middle of a submission hold let’s go to the crowd to see a Bevis and Butthead sign. Tony wants to know what Missy can offer as far as a manager. Jesse: “I imagine she can put you in a few holds.” The Nasties take over and it’s a reverse chinlock. Off to Sags who locks in a reverse chinlock of his own. The fans chant Porky Pig. Now let’s talk about Houston sports because we’re bored.

Jesse REALLY doesn’t like Texas or Texicans. Now Brian gets a third straight reverse chinlock. Electric chair is attempted by Roma but he can’t get him up so it’s reverse chinlock #4. They redo the counter and it works this time. Tony tries to tell us that Roma is brand new to wrestling as I guess we’re not supposed to remember his six years in the WWF.

Anderson comes in and gets knocked over the top and out to the floor. With the referee distracted Sags pops Anderson with a chair. Now it’s off to revolving abdominal stretches. We even get a third one as Arn reverses Knobbs. And never mind as Sags drills him to keep control. Other than those few chanting fans the crowd is DEAD. I always see the Walking Dead title when I type dead in all caps.

Front facelock now but Anderson tags. Naturally the referee didn’t see it. The easiest heat move in the world can’t get a bit of heat at all. That says a lot. Bearhug goes on so Anderson bites Knobbs to break it up. I’d recommend some Listerine. Suplex by Sags keeps Anderson down. Ah there’s the bearhug from Sags as well. Good to see him emulating the ring general that is Brian Knobs.

Anderson gets an elbow shot in but STILL can’t make the tag. There’s the Porky chant again. Arn rams both of their heads into the mat which Jesse says causes an eruption. If that’s an eruption then I’d barely be able to hear a pop. Roma in now and Tony says a double noggin knocker is a double coconut.

The Nasties fight back and set for the aforementioned bulldog off the top but Arn breaks it up and a victory roll gets two. Roma hits his Swan Dive finisher but Sags drops an elbow on him from the top and Knobbs gets the pin. I guess when Anderson ran right past his unconscious partner being covered he didn’t think it was worthy of breaking up.

Rating: D. This was TWENTY FOUR MINUTES LONG. Anderson is great and Roma is bad but passable, but dude, the Nasty Boys do not belong in any match going over ten minutes ever. This was also completely predictable due to the tapings that were all well known beforehand. Boring match though.

If you’re interested in the show itself, I’d recommend skipping about two pages or so as it’s all analysis and backstory.

Video on Cactus Jack and his amnesia. Oh boy it’s this angle. Back in April, Cactus had beaten Vader, then world champion, by countout on Saturday Night (the top show at the time). Vader demanded a rematch the next week and got it. In this (awesome, much like the previous one) match, Vader pulled the padding back on the floor and powerbombed Foley on the concrete, legitimately injuring him to the point where his left foot was numb for a few days. Oh and Cactus had a bag that I don’t think was ever explained but he was obsessed with it. It was tiny and couldn’t hold much but he was nuts about it.

WCW decided to make an angle out of his legit concussion (notice how Bischoff seems to like doing that) and had him institutionalized due to insanity/amnesia. He escaped and then disappeared. Yes, we had entered into a comedy angle. WCW dispatched a “reporter” to try to find him as he was “Lost in Cleveland.” They talked to his wife (played by his wife) and his kids (played by actors) and no one knew where he was. This went on for weeks if not months. Harley Race (Vader’s manager) had the bag and said that Jack was gone.

They finally found Jack living on the streets, thinking he was a pirate and having a gang of kids/young adults that followed him around and listened to his “wise teachings.” His wife came up to him and he said he didn’t know her and this was all supposed to be tongue in cheek comedy. The only interesting part of this was seeing Foley clean shaven. Race started getting presents, like a small cactus.

Jack FINALLY returned four months after getting attacked and beat the heck out of Vader. This led to a bounty deal and a very white guy playing a Japanese guy named Yoshi Kwan coming after Jack which is the match tonight. In case you couldn’t guess, this was one of the worst angles in wrestling history and is still occasionally referenced today as a bad idea. In Foley’s first book, he described it as a surefire moneymaking feud (which it was) was a problem that WCW executives had to solve immediately.

We get a promo from Foley, telling us it was all a plan and that he was never really suffering from amnesia and that he’s coming for Vader. He has some real bad intentions for him and it’s time for Vader to face reality. This is all done outside in front of some building promotion a Smashing Pumpkins concert. This is an easy promo to describe: awesome. From late 93 to early 95, Foley was untouchable on the mic. Go find some of his promos from this era and takes notes, because they are some of the best I’ve ever seen.

Since I love Foley and this show is absolutely awful and I don’t want to watch anymore of it, let’s take a look at why this promo was great. First off, this promo is two minutes and two seconds long (we’ll say two minutes as some of that is Foley looking into the camera after saying Bang Bang). He doesn’t have a lot of time to work with here so he has to get things done and in a hurry.

First thing we see is Foley outside holding a piece of wood and throwing it on a pile of scrap, saying he was on a street like this just a week ago. Immediately he ties what he’s saying into him being on the streets for the last few months as a bit of continuity. Behind him is a bunch of fliers for a Smashing Pumpkins concert. This doesn’t add much, but you could say it feels more realistic than being in front of a big sign that says WCW.

In the first 30 seconds he talks about how someone (again, going for realism so he doesn’t say a name) asked him if he really lost his memory, if that was really his wife and if that was really his son. He says no to all of these, but the final question is whether or not anyone believed he lost his mind, to which he shouts YES. He explains the last few months worth of stories, saying they weren’t real and that he had a plan.

Jack says that there were two people that believed it, and they were Big Van Vader and Harley Race. What he tells us with that line is “yes, I know the promos were stupid, but there was a point to them”, thereby saying I’m sorry for how bad they were, but it was intentional and ties it into his enemies. He says you don’t win the world championship by being an idiot. As he says this he points to himself, saying that HE was being an idiot, or at least pretending to be. He also states his ultimate goal here. This has all been done in the span of 40 seconds so far.

He says that they believed it because they wanted to, not because it’s realistic (again, tying things back into the whole everyone knew it was fake, but they’re different). Jack talks about how Vader is a big game hunter and over his wall he has the ribs of Sting, the shoulder of Ron Simmons, the back of Joe Thurman (jobber Vader injured) and the neck of Nikita Koloff. Here he reminds the audience that Vader has a long history of hurting big name stars (and Thurman).

There was a place missing over the fireplace though, which was where he wanted the head of Cactus Jack. Jack identifies himself as the one that got away, which would mean Vader, as a hunter like he mentioned earlier, would want him there no matter what. But Vader can’t have him, even though he believes he captured him by putting him on the shelf. All that did was give Cactus time for thoughts to brew like a bag of tea.

The tea line sounds weird, but Foley immediately ties it together by saying this isn’t sipping tea but rather brutali-tea and a heavy dose of reali-tea. While this is indeed corny, it ties the last line together and the reality part ties on with the concept of Vader wanting to believe something that isn’t real. We’re in the home stretch now so it’s time to play up the anger.

Jack goes on to say that if they can arrest him for the thoughts that are going through his mind then get a rope and hang him right here. He has some sick thoughts and they all center around him changing Vader’s world like Vader changed him. Cactus finishes by saying he’s worse than any specter, ghoul or ghost (remember the match is at Halloween Havoc) than Vader can imagine. BANG BANG!

To summarize, in two minutes Jack has told us what happened the last few months, why he did it, how it ties into Vader and Race, his ultimate goal, and what his next step is. He ties this together with the tea thing and it accomplishes all these things, all while in front of a unique backdrop and in only two minutes. Couple this with great emotion and just the right volume by Jack on every word and you have a great promo.

Yoshi Kwan vs. Cactus Jack

I’m not expecting this to go long. Kwan is an indy guy named Chris Champion that is very white but is allegedly from Japan here to the point where it’s just stupid looking. Crowd pops fairly well for Jack all things considered. Cactus destroys him to start and it’s a Cactus Clothesline to take us to the floor. Cactus keeps trying to get the bag back from Race and it ultimately gets him in trouble.

They change rings a few times with Kwan controlling for the most part here. Kwan unleashes the kicks which are as generic as you could ask them to be. Bicycle kick is caught and it’s forearms for Jack. Race tries to get involved but gets drilled by Kwan by accident. Double Arm DDT beats Kwan without really breaking a sweat. Jack gets the bag back post match.

WCW International Title: Rick Rude vs. Ric Flair

Without going into the story AGAIN, it’s the NWA Title without the NWA name or lineage and it’s more or less a parody of the NWA and it would be merged with the WCW Title the following year. Read up about it in one of the other 29 times I’ve explained it. If you haven’t seen Rude in WCW and only know of his initial WWF run, it’s COMPLETELY different as Rude was a killer here instead of a comedy joke.

Having a personal maid is just awesome. Rude says when he leaves he’ll have Flair’s reputation, his title, and his woman, revealing Fifi on his tights. I love that bit. Ventura starts off on his anti-women rants, saying the housework Fifi does is what women should be doing everywhere. They fight over a top wristlock which Rude of course loses. Tony warns Jesse that the sound woman might cut his mic off. That would be hilarious actually.

Flair goes for the knee early and the Figure Four is on maybe two minutes in! Rude gets to the ropes but dang that was surprising. To shock me some more, Flair comes off the top AND HITS THE PUNCH! Yes, he actually didn’t get slammed off! Where’s my medicine when I need it? Flair hooks a wristlock and Jesse thinks women should be barefoot and pregnant. THEY CUT HIS MIC OFF!!!!! Jesse steals Tony’s and says no one cuts him off. That was awesome!

He’s back on and goes on a rant about Sara Lee (the name of the sound director) about how he’s switching to Betty Crocker now. That was hilarious and has breathed some much needed life into this show. Tony references a European tour and a show in Germany, which is where Cactus infamously lost his ear. Also there was a world title trade between Sting and Vader where Sting held the title for about three days.

Flair uncharacteristically works on Rude’s arm instead of the leg, but I guess the idea is take away the power game which is logical. Rude takes over for a bit but rams his shoulder into the buckle by mistake and it’s back to the arm. Rude can’t slam Flair to tell you how bad the arm is. Somewhere about the 8th arm hold they go over the top and out to the floor. Tony: “There’s Fifi, trying to help Flair get up.” Jesse: “No way I’m touching that one.” I love those not very subtle lines.

Rude rams Flair into the apron and gets a suplex for two. He’s starting to get the arm back now. And now it’s a reverse chinlock by Rude as I’m guessing he was watching that Nasty Boys match earlier. This match has been going about 13 minutes so far and probably 8 or 9 has been in holds. Rude lets him up and gets a clothesline off the top and a press slam. Out to the floor again and Rude poses in the ring for a bit.

Hey let’s go with a bearhug instead of doing something interesting! It goes to the mat and Flair rolls over and actually gets a cover while in a bearhug. Aren’t Rude’s shoulders up? Flair charges at Rude but gets caught in a Hot Shot to set up the Flair Flop. A fist from the top by Rude gets some yelling at Fifi. Another shot has Flair reeling. Fifi’s nose looks like Voldermort’s.

Rude goes for a third shot from the top but Flair is playing possum. Belly to back suplex gives Flair the momentum. Butterfly suplex gets two. Flair goes off on Rude in the corner and it’s all Naitch. And never mind that as he eats knees in the corner. Rude gets a DDT for two. Flair counters the Rude Awakening into one of his own for two. Flair grabs the leg and….goes up with it? He flips forward to snap the leg even more. I’ve never seen him do that before.

Flair sets for the Figure Four but Rude kicks him off. More leg work but Rude gets a rollup to counter the hold again. That only gets two though. Flair sends him to the floor and we get a quick shot of the camera side. There are maybe 8 rows of fans and that’s it. Wow that almost ROH levels of attendance. Not saying it’s bad for ROH but for the second biggest company in the world on PPV, that’s anemic.

Flair goes up and hits the shot from the top to the floor as he controls again. As good as this may sound, it’s nowhere near that entertaining actually. Rude counters and we get a Flair Flip and Ric can’t hit a third shot off the top. Rude gets a top rope punch for a long two. Fifi finally slaps Rude so he kisses her. He brings her into the ring and Flair destroys him. You can see security telling fans to sit down. Odd. Figure Four goes on but Rude gets a foreign object shot in to take Flair out as Fifi is being put out of the ring to win the title. Thank goodness it’s over.

Rating: D. This was half an hour long which more or less sums up the major issue with it. This went on WAY too long and it got very boring after awhile. Half of the match was rest holds which is incredibly boring. If you cut the first half of this off then this is decent but other than that this was horrible. The arm and back work went nowhere and the ending came out of nowhere. Terribly boring match.

We talk about WarGames a bit.

Sting/Shockmaster/Davey Boy Smith/Dustin Rhodes vs. Vader/Harlem Heat/Sid Vicious

WarGames again. This is the mother of all gimmick matches in WCW and something that a lot of people with they would bring back in WWE, me being one of them. The idea is it’s 4 on 4 in a double cage match. Two people start us off, one from each team. They go at it for five minutes and then we have a coin toss (the heels will win). The winning team gets to send in another man for a 2-1 advantage. That last two minutes and then the losing team gets to send in its second man. After two more minutes the winning team gets to send in its third. You alternate until everyone is in and it’s first submission wins.

Harlem Heat are Kane and Kole here but I’ll be calling them by their more famous names. Vader is the other world champion here, the WCW World Champion. Animal is advising the faces here for no apparent reason. Dustin has really bad ribs here. Shockmaster is the hilariously infamous falling man that is more famous as Typhoon/Tugboat. Dustin starts without his partners wanting him to and gets Vader.

Dustin hammers Vader down surprisingly enough and pulls his boot off to beat on Vader even more. Well it’s resourceful if nothing else. Dustin is able to fight Vader off as well as anyone else has been able to do in a very long time. His ribs end that run though and there’s the Vader Bomb. Remember that you can’t end the match until after everyone is in the ring. That’s a great rule that makes sure there’s additional violence.

Rhodes fights back AGAIN and puts Vader down. That could be a heck of a Clash of the Champions main event actually. More boot shots (with the boot itself mind you, not a foot in it) to the head of Vader and Dustin is surprisingly in control. The heels win the coin toss which I literally think was a perfect record for them over the years. Dustin counters a dive off the top by Vader into a powerslam in a nice move.

Kane (Stevie Ray) comes in second. Dustin tries to fight them off but Vader gets a shot in to the ribs to take him down almost immediately. A minute in (remember everything now is just two minutes) and Dustin is in trouble. I’m not entirely sure why they sent in Vader so soon but whatever. Sting comes in but Vader and Stevie wait on him by the door like smart people would do.

2-1 is nothing for Sting though as he fights both guys off. I could watch Sting vs. Vader all day. Dustin is back up but is bleeding badly. His grandma is here tonight. Dusty’s mom is here. Let that sink in for a bit. Vader is sent into the cage and stumbles into the cameraman in a funny moment. Sid comes in to fight Sting in an old rivalry. Chokeslam takes Sting down and it’s all Sid.

The pops Sting gets for even the most basic moves are amazing. Vader and Sid ram Sting into the top of the cage for fun. With thirty seconds left it’s going to be the Bulldog in next. Yes Tugboat is batting cleanup. Davey comes in and Sid jumps him immediately. He fights off Sid and Vader by himself. He was a straight up tough guy in WCW if you haven’t seen any of his stuff there. In a nice touch Sting and Bulldog do to Sid what Vader and Sid did to Sting moments ago.

Kole (Booker T) comes in so there’s just Shocky left to come. Everyone is in one ring so that ring is completely overcrowded. The announcers make fun of Shockmaster falling which is funny stuff. They finally split up a bit and the match gets more interesting as a result. Sting takes down Stevie but hurts himself in the process. Sid gets caught in a Figure Four but here’s Shockmaster to even us up. Tony: Hey he made it through!

He’s bigger than Vader which isn’t something you often see. He beats up everyone in sight and after just over a minute and a half he throws Booker in a bearhug and it’s over. Wow so Typhoon beat a multiple time multiple time multiple time multiple time multiple time world champion? Sweet goodness man.

A lot of the matches already are forgotten to me despite watching the show earlier today. This isn’t an entertaining show at all with FAR too much time going to boring matches. This is a show where you need 11 matches or so instead of like six or however many there were here. 1993 wasn’t kind to WCW at all and this is no exception whatsoever. Terrible show and I’m just glad it’s over.

 

 

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