Smackdown
Date: September 1, 2006
Location: Sovereign Center, Reading, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield

We are a long way off from No Mercy but it seems that we are going to be moving towards Batista vs. King Booker II for the World Title. I’m not sure how much interest there is going to be in seeing that match again. Other than that….uh…..well last week was the post Summerslam show so we don’t have much to build towards. Does Rey Mysterio vs. Chavo Guerrero count? Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a recap of Vickie Guerrero officially joining forces with Chavo Guerrero (I guess it does count) and helping him in the beatdown of Rey Mysterio last week.

Opening sequence.

Here’s is an upset Rey Mysterio for a chat. Rey apologizes for not being himself but he doesn’t understand what Vickie did last week. Maybe he doesn’t want to know why but he wants Vickie and Chavo out here right now. Cue Vickie sans Chavo to say Rey is one of the people who cause her to cry every day.

It’s time she thought of herself, even though Eddie Guerrero saw Rey as his brother. She sees Rey as part of her past, so he isn’t included going forward. From now on, she is going to be Chavo’s business manager, which draws the required EDDIE chant. Vickie slaps Rey in the mask to cut off said chants and storms up the aisle. Chavo joins her on stage for the posing.

Matt Hardy vs. Gregory Helms

Non-title. Matt shoulders him down and grabs a headlock takeover but has to fight out of a cross armbreaker attempt. Back up and Helms sends him into the corner but gets pulled out into a sitout powerbomb for two. Matt goes up top so Helms catches him with a kick to the ribs, meaning it’s a crash out to the floor.

Back in and a swinging neckbreaker drops Matt again so we hit the chinlock. Make that a figure four necklock but Matt fights up again, only to get driven into the corner. A heck of a clothesline drops Helms and the Side Effect gives Matt two. There’s a middle rope elbow to the top of the head but Matt misses the moonsault press. Instead Matt ducks a title shot to the head and grabs a jackknife rollup for the pin.

Rating: C-. The match was fine enough, but I’m not sure what the point is in having a feud like this when Matt isn’t even a cruiserweight. What exactly is this building towards other than making the Cruiserweight Champion look weaker? Matt winning by avoiding some cheating was fine, but the title has been weak for a long time and now it is getting worse.

Mr. Kennedy asks Finlay for a US Title shot and Teddy Long is willing to make the match. He wants it to be bigger though, so Finlay says let’s make it a cage match. Kennedy says let’s make it a barbed wire steel cage match. Finlay: “How about I take you out back and beat the h*** out of you right now?” The match is on for later tonight.

Miz vs. Tatanka

This is Miz’s debut, sending JBL into a rant over his weird shorts. After a quick intro from Miz, he drives Tatanka into the corner but spends too much time HOO-RAHing, allowing Tatanka to switch places with him. Granted Tatanka doesn’t do anything to follow up, but he does switch places. Miz hits the stereotypical war dance for this week’s mockery so Tatanka chops him down.

The arm work begins, but JBL thinks he has it worse for having to watch Miz. Tatanka goes shoulder first into the post and Miz’s belly to back suplex gets two. The cobra clutch goes on so Tatanka is up in a hurry to slug away. Now the war dance sets up more chops to keep Miz down, including one to the floor. Back in and Miz sends Tatanka into the referee and grabs a backslide, with feet on the ropes, for the win.

Rating: D. This is one of those moments that kind of blows your mind when you know what it is going to mean. If nothing else, the idea of hearing JBL’s reaction to knowing where Miz’s career would go is hilarious. Miz wouldn’t get good in the ring for a LONG time, but he has a weird charisma that makes me want to see more of him.

John Cena is in the Marine.

US Title: Mr. Kennedy vs. Finlay

Kennedy is challenging….but hang on because here’s Teddy Long to make it a triple threat (Pla…..actually that doesn’t work here so we’ll move on.).

US Title: Mr. Kennedy vs. Finlay vs. Bobby Lashley

Finlay is defending but it’s Kennedy trying to get an alliance going, earning himself a belly to belly from Lashley. Kennedy and Finlay do get together to beat Lashley down but Kennedy sends Finlay shoulder first into the post. The Kenton Bomb gets two on Lashley so Finlay puts Kennedy in the Boston crab. That’s broken up again so Finlay kicks Kennedy outside to brawl with Lashley.

Finlay gets sent outside in a hurry though so Lashley throws Kennedy inside instead. A suplex gets two on Kennedy with Finlay making the save. Lashley hits a gorilla press gutbuster to drop Finlay again, only to get jumped by Kennedy. Finlay sends Kennedy throat first into the bottom rope and pulls Lashley outside. Kennedy gets caught in the ring skirt so Finlay can pummel away but Lashley breaks that up. A delayed vertical suplex drops Kennedy on the floor but the Leprechaun pokes his head out from underneath the ring.

We take a break and come back with Lashley getting double teamed in the corner, with the alliance lasting all of thirty seconds. Finlay shoves Kennedy down so Kennedy punches him in the face, allowing Lashley to come back, only to get stomped down in the corner. The double teaming has Lashley in more trouble but Finlay turns on Kennedy again, which makes me chuckle for a change.

Cue the Leprechaun to beat up Kennedy as well, allowing Finlay to get two on Kennedy back inside. Lashley is back up and cleans house on Finlay, who can’t even get in a Shillelagh shot. The running powerslam connects for Lashley but Kennedy sneaks back in and rolls Lashley up with trunks to win the title.

Rating: C. They went a bit longer on this one than they needed to and I’m not wild on the stolen ending pin, but it makes sense to get the title on Kennedy. WWE has treated him like a big deal for a long time now so putting the title on him is one of those things that had to be done. Putting Lashley in there was a good idea as they needed to keep Finlay strong and they got the ending right, so well done.

We look at King Booker escaping Summerslam with the World Title over Batista.

Raw Rebound.

MVP, surrounded by his women, come to their ringside seats.

Vito vs. William Regal

Regal (rocking the red white and blue robe) looks disturbed by Vito, and says King Booker wants Vito to know that he isn’t the toughest man to ever wear a dress. Some shoulders put Regal down to start so Vito pulls the dress up to scare the heck out of him. That earns Vito some shots to the back of the head but Vito fights up again. The dress goes over Regal’s head so Regal, looking TERRIFIED, bails for the countout.

Jimmy Wang Yang is enjoying some ribs and doesn’t like being asked about Japanese restaurants. I’m kind of liking these things.

Michael Cole talks to MVP, who insists that he is not hiding behind his agent and would gladly beat up Batista and Bobby Lashley. He’s a world class athlete and no one here deserves to be in his presence.

Pitbulls vs. Brian Kendrick/Paul London

Non-title and the Pitbulls jump the champs from behind to start. Some double dropkicks put Jamie Noble on the floor and it’s time to start in on Kid Kash’s arm. A top rope double stomp to Kash’s standing back gives London two and he knocks Noble off the apron for a bonus. Noble pulls London outside though and hammers away, allowing Kash to hit a release vertical suplex for two.

A double clothesline drops London again and they even draw Kendrick in to keep up the beating. Noble gets in some trash talk in the corner but London manages to send him face first into the buckle. That’s enough for the tag off to Kendrick and the pace picks up in a hurry. Everything breaks down and London shoves Kash off the top, leaving Kendrick to roll Noble up for the pin.

Rating: C. Hokey smoke the champs won a match! I know they’re smaller guys but they have some really good chemistry and look like a team who are thinking as one out there. The young high fliers are always going to work as a concept and that is what we have here. The Pitbulls work well in the ring too but they have a lot of size issues to overcome due to the style they’re using. It works, but it could go south rather easily.

Post match here are KC James and Idol Stevens to drop the champs and stare the Pitbulls down.

The Boogeyman is still coming.

Here is Teddy Long to call out King Booker (with Sharmell) and Batista to sign the contract for their rematch next week. They both come out (Batista can always rock a suit) and Booker thanks Thaddeus (JBL: “Thaddeus?”) before saying Batista couldn’t beat him at the Summerslam Games.

A King shouldn’t be breathing the same air as a peasant like him. Batista says Booker (Booker: “THAT’S KING BOOKER!”) kept the title via a technicality so Booker calls him a peasant again. They both sign but Booker takes a swing, earning a spinebuster….ok not quite through the table, but the second one puts him through it to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. This was a pretty flat show and the wrestling didn’t help things very much. I’m a bit surprised at the title match taking place next week instead of at No Mercy but at least they aren’t stretching it out far longer than they should. I’m liking the pushes/debuted of Miz, MVP and Kennedy, as it’s nice to see a new generation coming together. There is something of a future coming together, but it’s still kind of off in the distance at the moment.

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Royal Rumble 2020
Date: January 26, 2020
Location: Minute Maid Park, Houston, Texas
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves, Vic Joseph, Jerry Lawler, Tom Phillips

It’s time to get started on the Road to Wrestlemania and while you could say the Rumbles are predictable, you could also say that they’re wide open. This is a very strange situation and I’m rather pleased with that. I’m not sure who is going to win either but they’re going to mean a lot. Let’s get to it.

Kickoff Show: Shorty G. vs. Sheamus

Tale as old as time: monster vs. guy with a stupid name. Sheamus shrugs off a wristlock to start and hits a crossface shot to the face. Gable is back up with a running crossbody over the top so Sheamus hits him a few more time. Gable’s ear is bleeding and Sheamus grabs an armbar as we take a break.

Back with Sheamus working on the arm and then hitting the ten forearms to the chest. More forearms to the chest on the floor make it worse but Gable is back with a dropkick to the knee to stagger him. Some Liger kicks in the corner put Sheamus down and Gable stomps away at the leg. The moonsault connects for two and it’s Rolling Chaos Theory for the same. Gable grabs the ankle lock but Sheamus rolls out, only to have it go on again. That’s broken up again and Gables gets two off a crucifix. Back up the Brogue Kick gives Sheamus the pin at 12:31.

Rating: C. Just a match here and they were smart to put this on the Kickoff Show instead of doing it on the regular card. This is the kind of match that wasn’t exactly hard to predict as it was all about Sheamus being the monster and running over Gable, which isn’t quite a story that gets people excited but at least WWE can make more short jokes.

Kickoff Show: United States Title: Andrade vs. Humberto Carrillo

Andrade is defending and they go with the dodging to start. Carrillo sends him outside for the slingshot dropkick through the ropes but the dive off the top only hits barricade. Back from a break with Andrade hitting a running kick to the side of the head and countering the high angle armdrag. Carrillo elbows him in the head though and now the springboard crossbody can drop the champ.

The rolling moonsault hits raised knees though and Andrade tries a baseball slide, only to wind up on the floor for an Asai moonsault. Back in and Andrade tries Three Amigos but Carrillo reverses the third into one of his own. The top rope moonsault misses as well though and Andrade rolls him up into the corner. Andrade’s running knees in the corner get two and they stagger to their feet to slug it out. They go to the corner with Andrade getting in a shot to the face, only to have Carrillo snap off a super hurricanrana for two. Carrillo tries another hurricanrana but Andrade reverses into a sunset flip to retain at 14:31.

Rating: C. This never got into that next gear, though they got the winner right. Carrillo is someone who the fans haven’t taken to yet and really, I’m not sure what it’s going to take to make them care. There isn’t much to him as far as charisma goes and that’s not enough when you have people who can fly just as well if not better. Fine for a Kickoff Show match, but that’s all it needed to be.

The opening video is narrated by Steve Austin, who talks about how important the Royal Rumble is because it can send you to Wrestlemania. Always cool to see Austin used for something important.

Roman Reigns vs. King Corbin

Falls Count Anywhere. Reigns goes after Corbin’s throne carriers and the fight is on before they get in the ring. Corbin is sent into the post and Reigns hammers away inside. The Samoan drop is blocked though and Corbin gets in a right hand for a breather. Corbin heads outside but gets pulled back over the barricade so the fight can continue. Back in and Corbin hits Deep Six for two but Reigns is right back up.

They fight outside again and over the barricade, this time into the crowd for the walking around the stadium sequence. It’s back to ringside with Reigns being dropped onto the announcers’ table for two, followed by a chokeslam through another announcers’ table for the same. With Corbin being rather frustrated, it’s time to go back through the crowd for more punching.

Reigns hits a Samoan drop through an international announcers’ table and then does the same thing again for two. They go over to the tech area and here are Dolph Ziggler and Robert Roode to jump Reigns (you knew that was coming). Ziggler busts out a chain but here are the Usos to even things up. We stay on this brawl for a good while with Roode and Ziggler getting the better of things….until Jimmy dives off a balcony to take them down. Corbin remembers he’s in the match and drops Jimmy onto a barricade.

Rating: D+. Completely bleh match with little drama and the pure fact that it was Reigns vs. Corbin for 20+ minutes. WWE seems to think that this is some epic feud and it’s just not, mainly because Reigns is a top star and Corbin isn’t a main event level heel. Hopefully this is it because there’s no need to continue it, which is why you can probably pencil them in for two more matches at least.

Kevin Owens talks to Samoa Joe about his success in Houston and thinks he can win tonight. Samoa Joe likes the idea of getting rid of Seth Rollins but he’ll go through Owens if he has to.

Cole offers condolences to the families of Kobe Bryan and everyone else involved in the helicopter crash.

Women’s Royal Rumble

90 second intervals with Alexa Bliss in at #1 and Bianca Belair is in at #2. Belair wastes no time in hitting a running shoulder in the corner and takes Bliss to the middle rope for some forearms. A running headscissors is countered into a backbreaker to put Bliss down again and Mighty Molly of all people is in at #3 (and to the Hurricane’s music of course). She clotheslines Bliss and Belair down and a high crossbody does the same. Molly can’t get Belair out and it’s Nikki Cross in at #4.

Bliss and Cross get to clean some house but stop to hug, only to have Molly and Belair run them over. Belair gives Cross the KOD onto Bliss, who is right back up with a sunset bomb. A neckbreaker drops Molly and everyone is down until Lana is in at #5. Hold on though as she takes her sweet time getting the ring because she needs to talk about how great she is and how this is for her hot husband.

Lana finally gets to the ring and can’t eliminate Molly as Mercedes Martinez is in at #6. Martinez gets to clean house, including a butterfly suplex to Lana (in the Captain Marvel gear). It’s not enough to get rid of her though and it’s Liv Morgan in at #7 to eliminate Lana. For some reason Liv goes up so Lana shoves her off for an elimination, meaning the fight is on.

Dana Brooke is in at #13 and hits the Swanton on Mia. Belair tosses Candice and Bliss slaps Sane off the top for an elimination in a bit of an upset. Tamina is in at #14 to superkick Brooke and get in the brawl with Belair. A charge lets Belair backdrop Tamina out for Belair’s sixth elimination so far. Dakota Kai is in at #15 to get us to the halfway point and there’s the running kick to Brooke in the corner.

Bliss gets rid of Yim and it’s Chelsea Green in at #16 (to Summer Rae’s old NXT theme). Green dumps Kai but gets tossed by Bliss, followed by by Belair knocking out Brooke. Bliss knocks Belair down but Twisted Bliss hits knees. They both go over the top to the apron and Belair knocks her out to stand alone until….Charlotte is in at #17. Charlotte starts with the chops but Belair knocks her into the corner.

Naomi is in at #18 for a return and a big reaction. Charlotte and Naomi trade missed dropkicks and nip up for a staredown. They both go after Belair and it’s Beth Phoenix in at #19, sending Charlotte into a panic. Naomi gets sent to the apron but manages to springboard back in to take down Charlotte and Beth. Charlotte pairs off with Naomi as Beth tries to get rid of Belair and Toni Storm is in at #20, giving us Charlotte, Naomi, Phoenix, Belair and Storm.

Belair goes up top and Charlotte tosses her out, with the fans not being pleased. Kelly Kelly is in at #21 and hits her screaming headscissors on Storm. The Stinkface to Storm is Kelly having more fun as Beth goes nuts trying to get rid of Charlotte. Sarah Logan is in at #22 and Charlotte gets rid of her in a hurry. Kelly tries to dump Charlotte and gets knocked out a second later for her efforts.

Natalya is in at #23 for a bunch of discus lariats, followed by teaming up with Beth for a powerbomb to bring Charlotte out of the corner. Xia Li is in at #24 and starts with the rapid fire kicks as the back of Beth’s head is busted open. Zelina Vega is in at #25 and hurricanranas Beth, who probably shouldn’t be messed with given her head. Charlotte survives a three on one elimination attempt and Shotzi Blackheart is in at #26.

Naomi gets sent to the apron but runs down the steps and dives onto the barricade with her feet inches above the floor. She gets onto an announcers’ table and tries to figure it out as Carmella is in at #27. Carmella gets a very long headscissors on Natalya as Naomi goes to another table. The Glam Slam hits Charlotte as Naomi goes to the third table. Charlotte goes through the ropes to the floor to a big reaction as fans have some false hope. Tegan Nox is in at #28 and walks into a Glam Slam as Beth’s hair is almost half red from all of the blood.

Naomi FINALLY uses an announcers’ table cover to make it back to the ring as Baszler gets rid of Carmella, plus Storm who was put out somewhere in there. Naomi is back in and the missed Rear View lets Baszler get rid of her as well. Natalya and Beth get together for a Hart Attack on Baszler but Beth dumps Natalya in a surprise. Charlotte tries to dump Baszler and Beth but they both save themselves, meaning it’s a Charlotte vs. Baszler showdown. That’s broken up and Baszler gets rid of Phoenix but can’t toss Charlotte, who skins the cat and eliminates Baszler to win at 54:31.

Rating: B. A few weeks back, I picked Charlotte to win, no matter how illogical or annoying it might be because that’s what Charlotte does. I changed my mind to Baszler because that made more sense and now here we are, because WWE can’t help themselves with Charlotte. It’s such an anti-climactic ending because Charlotte has been in a major spot so many times that it doesn’t mean anything anymore. And now, more weeks of hearing how great Charlotte is, because we haven’t heard that recently enough.

Other than that, this was a very good Rumble with far better pacing than last year and the NXT women carrying the slack. Belair and Baszler looked like killers and I’m hoping Shayna is main roster bound. There’s nothing left for her to do in NXT and she looked awesome here. Even the Santina bit was funny for some comedy. This was a solid Rumble, despite the disappointing ending.

Post match, Charlotte says she knows some people aren’t happy with her winning but she’s the diamond and will win the title again.

Corbin says Reigns made a mockery of their match so tonight, he’s tossing Roman.

Smackdown Women’s Title: Bayley vs. Lacey Evans

Lacey is challenging and her daughter is here. Bayley gets taken down early to start so she goes to the corner to try for a turnbuckle. That just earns her a sweep of the leg and a slingshot elbow, meaning it’s time to claim a knee injury. The obvious goldbricking is obvious and Bayley hits her with a forearm, setting up a top rope elbow for two on Evans. Bayley grabs a chinlock as we hear Lacey’s military resume. The hold stays on for a good while and Bayley mocks Evans for being a mother. That’s quite the odd insult.

Evans fights up and gets in a knee from the apron. A slingshot rollup gets two but Bayley mocks the salute, allowing Evans to dodge a middle rope crossbody. The slingshot dropkick hits Bayley (and Evans has to catch her foot on the rope to keep from falling). Bayley rolls to the floor and avoids a slingshot dive, drawing hisses from Lacey’s daughter. Back in and the Bayley to Belly is blocked but so is the double jump moonsault, with Bayley grabbing a rollup with trunks to retain at 9:23.

Rating: C-. I got a nice chuckle out of Lacey losing in front of her daughter because having a child is quite the stretch for a reason to cheer for her. Bayley retaining the title is a bit of a shaky decision, but I’d assume that we’re getting Charlotte vs. Bayley at Wrestlemania in one of those fresh matches that WWE loves. Kind of boring, but it was coming after a huge match and there wasn’t much they could do.

We recap the Fiend vs. Daniel Bryan for the Smackdown World Title. Fiend beat him at Survivor Series so Bryan brought back the YES Movement (and cut his hair) for one more shot. This time it’s a strap match so Fiend can’t run away.

Smackdown World Title: Fiend vs. Daniel Bryan

Fiend is defending and they’re strapped together at the wrist with pin or submission to win. More importantly though: NO RED LIGHTS! After the Big Match Intros, Bryan goes right at him in the corner with the kicks and right hands. Those just earn him a powerbomb though as Fiend doesn’t seem to mind the pain. It’s time to start the whipping and a headbutt rocks Bryan. A missed charge puts Fiend on the floor so Bryan tries a dive, only to get sent into the barricade.

Alternating YES Kicks and whips keep Fiend down and the big one connects. Fiend pops back up and asks for more so Bryan kicks him in the head again. The running knee is countered into Sister Abigail for two and Fiend looks confused. Bryan is back with a kick to the face but Fiend slaps on the Mandible Claw with Bryan on the top.

Bryan pulls him into a triangle but Fiend keeps the Claw on, only to get reversed into the LeBell Lock with the strap over the mouth. That’s broken up as well though and Fiend whips him some more. Sister Abigail is countered into a rollup for two and another running knee gets another two. Fiend pops up again and stares down at Bryan, who whips him with the strap. That just earns him the Claw, including a Claw slam, for the pin to retain at 17:28.

Rating: B. They beat each other up rather well, though the lack of drama on the near falls hurt a lot. What didn’t hurt a lot was the lack of the red light, which didn’t take away a lot of the monster effect but did take away a lot of the stupid. Fiend came off as in control here though, as he looked like he shrugged off everything Bryan threw at him and then won the match because he was done with the torture. Bryan can move on to something else now and Fiend can get ready for something at Wrestlemania. Good match, but not much drama.

Post match Fiend disappears and Bryan has to be helped out. He probably does need a break after this one.

Super Showdown is confirmed for Saudi Arabia on February 27.

We recap Asuka vs. Becky Lynch for the Raw Women’s Title. Asuka beat Lynch last year at the Royal Rumble, which was Becky’s last loss before she went on towards the main event of Wrestlemania. Lynch has been champion since and wants to avenge her loss.

Raw Women’s Title: Becky Lynch vs. Asuka

Asuka is challenging and has Kairi Sane with her. Becky avoids a dropkick to start and Asuka seems to be favoring her arm early on. Her feet are fine though as she kicks Lynch down to take over. Asuka throws her into the corner but charges into some elbows. A bulldog into a low dropkick gives the champ two and she hits a release front suplex off the apron.

Back in and the guillotine legdrop gives Becky two but Asuka slugs away. Something like a suplex into a sitdown drop gives Asuka two and they fight to the apron. That means a hip attack can send Becky into the post, but she’s right back with a middle rope Rock Bottom for two. Becky goes up again and mistimes a dive into a Codebreaker, only to go for the arm immediately after the kickout.

That’s broken up with a foot on the rope so Asuka unloads with kicks to the head. Becky has to grab the referee to prevent the referee stoppage so Asuka kicks her in the head for a very close near fall. A quick Disarm-Her attempt doesn’t work so Becky plants her for two instead. Becky goes for the arm again but the referee almost gets bumped. Asuka loads up the mist but Becky kicks her in the ribs, sending the mist into the arm. Now the Disarm-Her can go on to make Asuka tap at 16:32.

Rating: B. Another good match here as Becky gets the win over the one person she couldn’t beat. They beat each other up with Becky seeming desperate to finally beat Asuka, who was ruthless with her aggression. Asuka’s cheating coming back to cost her the match played into their story well too. This doesn’t leave her with many options, but she could wind up against Baszler or Ronda Rousey at Wrestlemania, either of which could be awesome. With the match out of the way, maybe WWE can remember that Asuka is already a champion.

The Street Profits aren’t sure who will win the Royal Rumble, with Dawkins humming various theme musics.

Bobby Lashley and Rusev are out of the Rumble after getting in a fight in the parking lot earlier today.

Booker T. joins commentary.

Men’s Royal Rumble

90 second intervals, Brock Lesnar is in at #1 and Elias is in at #2 (more bad luck as he was #1 last year). Elias talks about the gorilla in the ring and asks the fans to clap along for his new song, Sacrificial Lamb. Lesnar gets annoyed at the song and chases Elias (tripping a bit on the way out of the ring), meaning the match can start with Brock taking him down.

The first German suplex connects and Lesnar breaks the guitar over Elias’ back. That’s the first elimination so Brock gets a breather until Erick Rowan, with crate, is in at #3. Rowan blocks the German suplex and gets clotheslined out in about eight seconds. Robert Roode is in at #4, slugs away, gets clotheslined, F5, Brock stands alone. Brock poses with the title until John Morrison is in at #5 and it’s a belly to belly over the top in nine seconds.

Kofi Kingston is in at #6 and starts slugging away until Lesnar drives him into the corner. The first German suplex drops Kofi on his head and Brock starts smiling. The clock speeds WAY up so Rey Mysterio can come in at #7. Rey tries to run the ropes but gets sent into Kofi in the corner.

Ricochet is in at #15 and gets caught with a quick backbreaker. There’s a German suplex as Cole says he doesn’t want to hear about Lesnar not defending his title. In a non-title match. Drew McIntyre is in at #16 and gets in a staredown with Lesnar. Ricochet gets in a low blow from behind and McIntyre eliminates Lesnar to a nice reaction. McIntyre gets rid of Ricochet as well and Miz is in at #17.

Drew knocks Miz down and glares down at Lesnar, setting up the Claymore to get rid of Miz and stand alone. Lesnar and Heyman are still standing behind the barricade as AJ Styles is in at #18. Some early shots take AJ down but he pulls McIntyre down into the Calf Crusher. That’s broken up as well and Dolph Ziggler is in at #19.

Ziggler and AJ double team McIntyre until Ziggler punches AJ in the face. That means a suplex from McIntyre as Karl Anderson is in at #20, giving us McIntyre, Styles, Ziggler and Anderson. Everything settles down and it’s EDGE (THAT FREAKING LIAR!) at #21. Spears abound and we get an Edge vs. Styles showdown, capped off by another spear. King Corbin is in at #22 (YOU SHALL NOT BE ENTERTAINED!!!) and cleans house with Ziggler until Edge dumps AJ (who may have been favoring his wrist).

Reigns no sells McIntyre’s chops and it’s Kevin Owens at lucky #27. Cannonballs abound and there’s a Stunner to Reigns. Another one hits Orton and it’s Aleister Black in at #28. A jumping knee hits Owens and a running one drops Edge, followed by Black Mass to McIntyre. Samoa Joe is in at #29 and Black is waiting on him with the strikes.

Joe kicks him down, smiles at Owens, and starts the slugout again. Seth Rollins is in st #30 (sweet, no Velasquez), giving us Orton, Reigns, Owens, Black, McIntyre, Edge, Rollins and Joe. Rollins comes out with Buddy Murphy (who was scheduled to be in this) and the AOP so Joe and Owens roll outside to start the fight. Rollins and Murphy pull Edge outside before throwing Orton over the announcers’ table (not eliminated).

The Stomp hits Reigns and Rollins eliminates Black and Owens. The Koquina Clutch has Rollins in trouble but Murphy makes the save so Rollins can eliminate Joe as well. Owens, Black and Joe brawl to the back with Murphy/AOP, leaving us with Reigns, Rollins, Edge, Orton and McIntyre. Everyone surrounds Rollins so he tries to reunite with Reigns. That just earns him a Superman punch into an Orton powerslam into the Claymore so McIntyre can get the elimination.

Reigns hangs onto the bottom rope to stay alive and he pulls Edge to the apron with him. Edge gets knocked off and Reigns gets back in for the fight with McIntyre, who nails the Claymore. McIntyre tosses Reigns to win at 1:00:09 (Sally, I know you’re smiling. Don’t worry if you don’t get this reference.).

Rating: B+. The ending is what matters most here, as McIntyre has been ready to move up to the next level for the better part of ever now. They FINALLY pulled the trigger on him and while it is another step to win the World Title at Wrestlemania, this is a heck of a good sign for him and his future.

Then there’s the first half of the Rumble and your mileage is probably going to vary. I wasn’t wild on it, but it didn’t ruin the match for me. I didn’t need Lesnar to run through that many people, but at least the right person won in the end and we should be in for a big Wrestlemania showdown. It could have been a lot worse, and McIntyre winning warms the cockles of my heart (whatever cockles are).

Drew looks very emotional to end the show.

Overall Rating: B. It’s a good show and WAY better than last year’s (partially due to it being half an hour shorter) with Reigns vs. Corbin and Bayley vs. Evans not being great. Other than that, it’s a very solid show with two good Rumbles and one good winner. Becky vs. Asuka was awesome too and Bryan vs. Fiend was solid storytelling. Wrestlemania is feeling a lot more interesting than it was just a few days ago and that’s the best feeling you can have coming out of this show. Now just keep it up going into Tampa.

Results

Roman Reigns b. King Corbin – Spear

Charlotte won the Women’s Royal Rumble last eliminating Shayna Baszler

Bayley b. Lacey Evans – Rollup with trunks

Fiend b. Daniel Bryan – Mandible Claw

Becky Lynch b. Asuka – Disarm-Her

Drew McIntyre won the Men’s Royal Rumble last eliminating Roman Reigns

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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ECW On Sci Fi
Date: August 29, 2006
Location: Sovereign Center, Reading, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Joey Styles, Tazz

Believe it or not, this week’s show is about Paul Heyman, who is the big evil around here and therefore has to deal with Sabu. I’m not the biggest Sabu fan, but if they want this show to have anything to do with the original ECW, Sabu is one of their best options. Granted I have no reason to believe WWE is going to have him do anything but challenge for the title so let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a recap of Big Show beating Sabu again last week but getting put through a table after the match.

Paul Heyman talks about how this is his ECW and now, for the first time ever, he is wrestling in an ECW ring. Like Dr. Frankenstein, he has to destroy his old creation by pinning Sabu 1-2-3.

Opening sequence.

Rob Van Dam vs. Hardcore Holly

Van Dam starts fast with a monkey flip to send Holly to the floor so Rob gets the chance to finger point. A slugout goes to Van Dam and he hits the spinning kick to the back with Holly over the barricade. Back in and some right hands in the corner have Holly staggered but he manages to toss Van Dam to the floor for the big crash. The chinlock goes on back inside but Rob fights up because it’s a chinlock, meaning we get the clothesline comeback. The standing moonsault into Rolling Thunder gets two but the Five Star misses. Holly goes to get a chair but Rob takes it away and draws the DQ.

Rating: C-. Holly does fit the smash mouth style of ECW, but he’s also not the kind of name who would have ever been allowed in the original ECW, which is where things start to go downhill. He’s been known as a low level guy for so long that suddenly presenting him as someone who might matter doesn’t work. Just having him beat up Van Dam for a few minutes doesn’t make him a star, and neither does being around for thirteen years and being best known as part of a mostly comedy division.

Post match Rob chairs him away again.

Rene Dupree likes to be in shape because he’s extreme.

Here’s Big Show to talk about how awesome and dominant he is, both here, at Summerslam, on Raw and at Unforgiven. He’s so confident that he challenges DX to face him in a handicap match next week.

Shannon Moore says fight the power.

CM Punk vs. Stevie Richards

Joey says Richards should be Punk’s toughest challenge in ECW to date. So is it not official ECW history that Justin Credible was a lame ECW Champion? Richards misses a charge to start and winds up on the floor, allowing Punk to take him down with a suicide dive. Back in and Richards strikes away with some knees to the ribs, followed by a kneeling bearhug of all things. Punk comes back with a leg lariat into a butterfly backbreaker for two. The Anaconda Vice finishes Richards in a hurry.

Rating: D+. The fans weren’t impressed with Punk here but it makes sense to give him win after win. It has worked as a way to establish new wrestlers for the better part of ever and it will work with him. You can see the star power in him as he looks and carries himself like a far bigger deal than almost anyone else around here. That’s one of the best things someone can do and Punk does it as well as almost anyone in ECW.

Video on Sabu.

Here’s Matt Striker for Striker’s Classroom. Striker thinks people should cheer for him but instead they cheer for the Sandman, who is ossified from his giggle water. See, Striker is an intellectual giant drowning in a cesspool of derelicts. Here’s Sandman for the brawl, with Striker hitting him in the head with a stapler. That’s enough to leave Sandman bloody so Striker can run off.

Kelly Kelly interrupts Balls Mahoney and lets him see what is underneath her robe. Mahoney heartily approves.

Commentary talks about Kurt Angle being released. That’s still a weird way to send him off.

Speaking far too calmly, Sabu promises to massacre Paul Heyman.

Sabu vs. Paul Heyman

Extreme Rules and Heyman’s security is here with him. The guards jump Sabu to start but he manages to get a chair and clean house. Heyman knows he is in trouble but Sabu dives onto the invading Big Show instead, though Show pulls him out of the air. A DDT on the floor drops Show but he’s right back up to beat Sabu down, albeit with the guards’ help. Sabu is beaten down and Heyman screams at Sabu about how he made him. The beatdown continues, with Heyman getting a right hand in on Sabu’s bloody head.

That’s enough to send Heyman running around in celebration because he has blood on his hand. Heyman talks trash but Sabu gets a hand on him so Heyman screams for Show. Sabu is almost thrown through the table but here’s Rob Van Dam to make the save. A Van Daminator puts Show down in the corner and Rob dives onto the guards.

Sabu uses the breather to get in a few shots on Heyman but Show cuts off the springboard dive to put Heyman through the table. Cue Hardcore Holly to Alabama Slam Van Dam through the table, leaving Show to hit the cobra clutch backbreaker on Sabu. A legdrop from Show lets Heyman steal the pin.

Rating: C-. The match was a huge mess of course but I don’t think anyone was buying this as being anything else from the start. It’s smart to have Van Dam get back into the main event scene because he’s easily the biggest name ECW has outside of (maybe) Big Show. If nothing else, he is a bigger name than Sabu and that Show needs a fresh challenger after being Sabu multiple times.

Post match Sabu is chokeslammed through a table so evil posing can end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. The wrestling wasn’t very good this week but overall, the show was a leap and a bound better than what it has been doing lately. Above all else, it felt like something was happening for a change and that they had some goals in mind. That’s a lot better than having Show beat up some guest star, which he’ll likely get to do next week. It might not be a good show, but it’s at least a show that makes a bit more sense and that’s a big upgrade after the last few weeks.

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Smackdown
Date: January 29, 2021
Location: Tropicana Field, St. Petersburg, Florida
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves

It’s the final show before the Royal Rumble and that means there are probably going to be a few surprises to really hammer things home. That can be a good thing but sometimes they leave you wondering if this is really all that WWE has to offer. Hopefully that is not the case here as there are some things that need to be upgraded. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Here is Daniel Bryan to get things going and he is rather excited that it is Royal Rumble weekend. As his daughter likes to say, we are just two sleeps away. Bryan talks about being proud of everything he has accomplished in his career, but he has one thing left to do: win the Royal Rumble and go on to the main event of Wrestlemania. No one knows what that means more than him and to climb that mountain one more time involves him going through twenty nine other men.

The honest truth is that he doesn’t know how many more Wrestlemania Moments he has left, but if he wants to go to the main event one more time, he is going to have to win the Royal Rumble. The Alpha Academy has him ready and he can’t wait to see everything you’ll only see at the Rumble….and here are AJ Styles and Omos. AJ talks about throwing everyone over the top to win the match, with Omos adding in that AJ is here because of the Quarterly Brand To Brand Invitational.

With that idea having been successfully dragged out of mothballs, AJ says Bryan doesn’t look ready for the Rumble. Bryan is in his sports coat, so AJ thinks Bryan might be the GM again. The challenge is on for tonight and AJ shoves him down, with Omos getting between them. Bryan seems in, and if Omos is there or not, Bryan is going to give AJ a beating.

We look back at Bayley and Bianca Belair running the obstacle course, with Bayley attacking Belair after losing.

Bayley brags about winning, plugs Belair’s WWE Network Chronicle special, and promises to beat her again tonight. Then Belair can go into the dark-est hole of her life.

Bianca Belair vs. Bayley

The 8K cameras are back and yeah they’re still creepy in a way. Belair slams her down a few times to start and it’s already a standoff. A suplex gives Belair two but Bayley is back up with a running clothesline for two. Belair’s arm is banged up so Bayley shouts DING DONG, which is enough to make Belair snap. A bunch of forearms to the back have Bayley out on the apron, followed by a standing moonsault back inside for two. We take a break and come back with Belair driving shoulders into Bayley’s ribs in the corner but Bayley fights back.

Cole says Bayley is jealous, prompting Bayley to shout “I’M NOT JEALOUS MICHAEL!” A knee to the face gives Bayley two (the replay made it look even worse) and it’s time to go back to Belair’s arm. The middle rope elbow gives Bayley two but Belair grabs a crucifix for the same. Back up and Belair punches her in the face but the bad arm gives out on a Glam Slam attempt. Belair manages a hot shot though and the KOD finishes Bayley at 10:48.

Rating: C+. Belair has grown on me at a crazy level over the last year and I’m liking her more and more in the ring every time. A win in the Royal Rumble isn’t out of the question and that is pretty impressive given that she only debuted in the Royal Rumble last year. Good stuff here, with Bayley putting her over clean to give Belair a huge win.

Post match Belair can’t believer what she has accomplished because that was the biggest win of her career. She sounds like she is near tears and says the only thing that tops this is winning the Royal Rumble.

Dominick Mysterio vs. King Corbin

Dominick jumps Corbin during the entrances and the beatdown is on in the aisle as we take a break. We come back with Rey Mysterio on commentary and the opening bell, which sees Dominick make Corbin chase him. That lets Dominick hit (mostly) an awkward looking slingshot knee to the head. Back in and Corbin hits a belly to back suplex and knocking Dominick down while shouting at Rey.

Dominick manages to send him into the corner and nails a middle rope dropkick as Rey coaches from the floor. The 619 is broken up so Dominick settles for a hurricanrana into the corner. Corbin sends him face first into the corner as well, only to have Dominick come back with a tornado DDT for two. Corbin cuts him off again though and the End of Days is good for the pin at 4:44.

Rating: C-. Dominick continues to seem like he is trending towards a heel turn and the more I think about it, the more interested I kind of am in seeing it. That’s about as non-committal of a position as I can come up with for it but that’s just how Dominick goes. He doesn’t have much to him other than being Rey’s son, but at least he can do a thing or two in the ring.

Post match Corbin goes after Rey but gets taken out.

Big E. offers Sonya Deville a dollar and an Arby’s coupon to find out his Royal Rumble number. That isn’t happening, so here are Miz and John Morrison (erg) to suggest they might cash in on Roman Reigns tonight. Morrison makes some Gamestop stock jokes and that’s enough for Sonya to leave. Big E.: “I love the pop culture reference too.” He has things to do though so a lot of laughter ensues but Big E. gets serious and calls them over the hill with no chance to win the Royal Rumble. The brawl is on with Big E. not having much trouble taking both of them out. Referees break it up.

Tomorrow on Backstage: Tamina vs. Natalya to determine the #30 entrant in the Royal Rumble. So they’re doing that instead of the men’s #30 and the women’s #1 and #2? Sure why not.

We look at Sasha Banks defeating Reginald last week, which gave Carmella a Royal Rumble title shot.

Sasha Banks is walking through the back when Kalisto hits on her a bit. With that out of the way, Sasha runs into Reginald, who offers her a bottle of win to go with losing her title. Banks hits on him and then promises to break Carmella’s jaw. Reginald can keep the wine because he needs a drink.

Long video on Kevin Owens vs. Roman Reigns.

Bad Bunny will be performing his song about Booker T. at the Royal Rumble.

Sami Zayn stops Shinsuke Nakamura in the back because he finds it suspicious that the Raw wrestlers are here. He also thinks Nakamura and Cesaro are splitting up so since Sami helped liberate Nakamura, it’s time for Nakamura to return the family. Sami needs his Intercontinental Title back and takes credit for everything Nakamura has done in NXT and WWE. Nakamura says he appreciates everything Sami has done but Sami can go to h***.

We get a split screen sitdown interview with Roman Reigns and Kevin Owens (in an Ever Rise shirt). Owens doesn’t think anything is going to be different on Sunday because he has beaten Reigns twice. There is nothing that Reigns or his family can do to keep Owens down because he will be the Last Man Standing. Paul Heyman joins Reigns and tells Owens not to speak of the tribal chief that way. Owens asks if Reigns is going to let Heyman rehash his old statements so Reigns says we should talk about Owens’ family.

What kind of a man was Owens’ father? Owens’ father is (not was) a great man, so Reigns needs to watch where he is going. Reigns asks if Owens’ father is a smart man, which Owens confirms and again warns Reigns about where he is going with this. Reigns says Owens isn’t built for this because he isn’t a castle, a knight, a bishop or a queen. Owens is a pawn and Reigns is the king because everything revolves around him.

What Owens doesn’t understand is that he will never be Universal Champion and it isn’t his fault. That makes Owens a fool and his father a fool too. If that’s the case, it means Owens’ grandfather is a fool as well. Owens isn’t happy but says he knows what Reigns is trying to do. On Sunday, they’re going to be in the same room, but Reigns says Owens still doesn’t get it. One day Owens is going to see his grandfathers again and they are going to call him a disgrace for not acknowledging Reigns as his tribal chief.

Owens throws his water down and says the only thing his grandfathers would acknowledge Reigns as is a delusional jackass surrounded by yes men. Reigns is some mafia boss who projects toughness to hide that he is an emotional bully. Owens goes off, shouting about how his family made him the man he is today.

After Sunday, he is going to be the same Kevin Owens, but he’ll be Universal Champion. Reigns’ feed cuts out and Owens storms off. This was GREAT and you could feel the emotion because it felt like two adults talking with one of them going very personal to drive the other over the edge. The mind games were awesome but the emotions were better and that’s why this feud has worked so well.

Video on Goldberg vs. Drew McIntyre.

AJ Styles vs. Daniel Bryan

Omos is here with AJ but AJ sends him to the back to do this one on his own. Cesaro is on commentary as they go to the mat with AJ not being able to keep Bryan down. The test of strength lets them trade some flips until Bryan’s cross armbreaker sends AJ over to the ropes. Bryan starts working on the arm but AJ gets up for a shoulder. There’s a knee to the ribs to put Bryan down again but he’s right back with a butterfly suplex.

Cue Sami Zayn (he’s got signs) for a distraction though, allowing AJ to knock Bryan off the top. A whip into the steps has Bryan down and we take a break. Back with AJ slowly pounding Bryan down but a running corner dropkick rocks AJ for a change. There are some kicks to the chest as Cesaro is getting annoyed at Sami at ringside. A top rope hurricanrana gives Bryan two but AJ is right back with the Calf Crusher.

The rope is finally grabbed and Sami yells about how the referee is finally doing his job. The Phenomenal Forearm is pulled out of the air though and the YES Lock (or most of one) goes on, with AJ getting a foot on the rope. Hold on though as here’s Big E. to run Sami over but Cesaro jumps Big E. for his efforts. Bryan dives onto Cesaro and Sami but AJ throws him back inside. That’s enough for Sami to come in to jump Bryan for the DQ at 12:10.

Rating: B-. There was a lot of stuff going on at ringside but I think I can live with twelve minutes of these two doing their awesome things to each other. This was what you would expect from an AJ vs. Bryan match and as usual, I could have gone for another twenty minutes of so. Like they wouldn’t have made it work.

Post match Cesaro beats on Big E. in the ring but here’s Shinsuke Nakamura to kick Sami and AJ in the head. Nakamura and Cesaro have a staredown but Sami is up to knock Nakamura into Cesaro, meaning nothing bad can happen. The villains are sent outside and it’s time for a smark dream six man (With I guess Big E. being the least internet friendly name?).

AJ Styles/Cesaro/Sami Zayn vs. Shinsuke Nakamura/Daniel Bryan/Big E.

Nakamura misses a sliding knee to start and gets clotheslined down by Cesaro. Nakamura hits a kick to the back of the head as Cole tries to figure out the lineups (this seems to be a little tricky for him). A front facelock lets Nakamura drag Cesaro into the corner for the tag to Big E., who is uppercutted down. Sami comes in to strike away at Big E.’s head, which doesn’t seem to hut that much as he’s over for the tag to Bryan without much effort.

A double hiptoss drops Sami to give the already legal again Big E. two. Sami kicks Bryan in the back of the knee to put him in trouble and AJ wraps the leg around the post. We take a break and come back with AJ stomping on the knee and giving it a DDT. Zayn’s superplex is broken up though and Bryan nails a missile dropkick.

The hot tag brings in Big E. for the rapid fire belly to belly suplexes to all three villains. Cesaro is back up with that sweet springboard corkscrew uppercut for two but the Neutralizer is broken up. Big E. loads up the Big Ending but this time it’s Miz and John Morrison coming out to jump Nakamura and Big E. for the DQ at 9:53.

Rating: C+. This was another good one with quite the talented lineup so I’m not sure how much you can complain here. I mean aside from the same ending, but given how much time there is left in the show, I think you know where this is going. The Royal Rumble shows always have something like this going on so it’s forgivable to see this much interference, even if it was in a pretty nice match.

Post match the big beatdown is on but here’s Otis for the save and yes indeed that’s where we’re going. Otis cleans house as commentary asks who is going to be able to dump him over the top. Last week Bianca Belair fireman’s carried him and walked around with him. I don’t think it’s that big of a task. Anyway a double Caterpillar hits Miz and Morrison and we take a break.

AJ Styles/Cesaro/Sami Zayn/Miz/John Morrison vs. Shinsuke Nakamura/Daniel Bryan/Big E./Otis

Miz and Bryan go straight to the brawling to start as Cole thinks it’s a ten man tag, with Corey Graves being there to handle the counting and explain that it’s a handicap match. Miz takes Bryan outside and drops the knee onto the announcers’ table, setting up the Figure Four back inside. That’s broken up with some right hands (a counter you don’t see often enough) but Sami comes in with a Blue Thunder Bomb. Graves: “We could be two days away from the Road To Zaynylvania!”

Morrison comes in to put Bryan down again and Miz adds a kick to the ribs. Bryan finally manages stereo crossbodies with AJ and everything breaks down without Bryan making a tag. Cue Sheamus to be the partner though and the hot tag brings in in to run over everyone. The Irish Curse sets up the Cloverleaf on Sami but Morrison makes the save. The parade of secondary finishers is on with Sami being the last man standing. That doesn’t last long though as Sheamus hits a heck of a Brogue Kick to pin Sami at 5:25.

Rating: C. I didn’t hate this and some of that is due to Sheamus kicking Sami’s head off at the end. It was a little chaotic and having it come after about thirty five minutes was a lot, but the talent was all there and they did some chaotic action at times. Now granted I’m not sure how much this helps build the Rumble, but at least it was something different. I can completely get someone not liking it though as it was rather WWE with all of the rapid fire additions.

Post match (of course) Miz and Morrison jump Sheamus but Braun Strowman makes his big return to wreck EVERYONE to end the show. Now that works as a big moment to hype up the Rumble.

Overall Rating: B-. This was a rather weird show but I liked what I got out of the whole thing. Owens and Reigns had a great segment and the last forty or so minutes were designed to build to the Rumble. It’s not like the pay per view needs that much build so anything we got here was a bonus. Much like the main event(s), I can see why someone wouldn’t be a fan, but I want to see the Rumble and that’s what matters the most.

Results

Bianca Belair b. Bayley – KOD

King Corbin b. Dominick Mysterio – End of Days

Daniel Bryan b. AJ Styles via DQ when Sami Zayn interfered

Daniel Bryan/Big E./Shinsuke Nakamura b. AJ Styles/Cesaro/Sami Zayn via DQ when Miz and John Morrison interfered

Daniel Bryan/Big E./Shinsuke Nakamura/Otis/Sheamus b. AJ Styles/Cesaro/Sami Zayn/John Morrison/Miz – Brogue Kick to Zayn

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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AND

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Royal Rumble 2019
Date: January 27, 2019
Location: Chase Field, Phoenix, Arizona
Attendance: 48,193
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves, Renee Young, Byron Saxton, Tom Phillips

It’s time to go back to the stadium with another major show. The Royal Rumble has changed a good bit in recent years as it is now another extended show with a pair of Royal Rumble matches instead of just one. No one is exactly jumping off the page as a favorite in either of them, though Becky Lynch is currently the most popular person in the company. Let’s get to it.

Kickoff Show: Bobby Roode/Chad Gable vs. Scott Dawson/Rezar

Non-title but if Dawson and Rezar (regular partners injured) win, the regular teams get a title shot each. And yes, this match was completely necessary as a last minute addition. The match is so awesome that a cameraman falls down during Roode and Gable’s entrance for the always fun camera shot. Drake Maverick is with Dawson and Rezar. Dawson’s headlock on Roode doesn’t get very far as Roode takes him into the corner for a monkey flip from Gable. Wilder wouldn’t have let that happen.

An exchange of near falls doesn’t go very far so Gable hits a springboard spinning crossbody for two. Dawson takes him down though and catapults Gable into a chokeslam to put the champs in trouble. Rezar chokes on the rope and Dawson grabs a northern lights suplex for two. The chinlock doesn’t last long as it’s back to Rezar to keep knocking Gable around.

Dawson sends him into the ropes but they bang heads for a double knockdown. Rezar comes back in and tries another chokeslam but Gable reverses into an armbar over the ropes. That’s enough for the hot tag off to Roode, who hits a spinebuster on Dawson. Back up and Dawson dropkicks Rezar by mistake, leaving Roode to take a neckbreaker/moonsault combination for the pin at 6:55.

Rating: D+. This would be a textbook definition of a match that did not need to be added to the show and did nothing more than fill in time. As usual, that’s not a good idea and yet it keeps happening around here almost every show. I’m not sure how much of a point there was to having the makeshift tag team thrown out there to lose when Akam wasn’t going to be back for months. Nothing good here and a match that didn’t need to happen.

Kickoff Show: United States Title: Shinsuke Nakamura vs. Rusev

Nakamura is challenging and Lana is here with Rusev. Nakamura gets driven into the corner for some shoulders to the ribs and a suplex brings him right back out. They head outside but Nakamura gets in a running kick to the face off the steps, setting up the running knee to the jaw. Back in and Bad Vibrations into the running knee to the ribs gets two and we hit the front facelock. Rusev fights up and punches away, setting up the spinwheel kick for two.

Rating: C-. Just a little better than the opener but not all that much. Nakamura taking the title from Rusev just over a month into the title reign doesn’t exactly mean much, but that’s the case with so many of the midcard title changes around here. The match was a watchable enough power exchange but it still feels like a title change for the sake of a title change.

Kickoff Show: Cruiserweight Title: Hideo Itami vs. Kalisto vs. Akira Tozawa vs. Buddy Murphy

Murphy is defending, one fall to a finish, and Ariya Daivari is here with Itami. They circle each other for a bit until Itami rolls to the floor. That leaves the other three to trade rollups for two each until Murphy hits a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker to drop Tozawa. Kalisto’s very springboardy hurricanrana is broken up as everything breaks down again. Kalisto tries a Cannonball off the apron but gets caught in Murphy’s suplex instead.

Itami gets back in and poses, meaning it’s time for the showdown with Murphy. The champ gets struck down in the corner and Itami demands respect as we can see his future going down the drain in a hurry. Murphy goes outside and tries to powerbomb Kalisto into the barricade, only to have Tozawa hit a suicide dive into Kalisto, which sends Murphy into the barricade for a crash. Itami throws Kalisto and Tozawa back inside so he can get two on each of them.

A Murphy distraction lets Kalisto kick Itami in the head and it’s a monkey flip to send Tozawa onto Murphy on the floor. Murphy comes back in and gets missile dropkicked by Tozawa, only to have Itami break up the top rope backsplash. Itami gets knocked to the outside though and Tozawa hits a suicide headbutt. Kalisto and Murphy follow with dives of their own with the champ getting the best of it.

Back in and Kalisto hits a hurricanrana driver for two on Murphy, who is right back up with a Liger Bomb for his own near fall. Tozawa scores with a reverse hurricanrana on Murphy but it’s Itami breaking that up. The Salida Del Sol gets two on Itami and everyone is down. A series of kicks puts everyone down again for a bit so Murphy knees Kalisto and Tozawa. Murphy slips out of whatever Itami’s spinning knee deal was (I STILL don’t get that one) and knees him down as well, setting up Murphy’s Law to retain at 12:06.

Rating: B-. Now that’s more like it with an action packed twelve minute match that actually felt like it mattered for a change. Or at least it felt like a match that had been set up more than thirty seconds before they came to the ring. Murphy continues to look like a star and it’s easy to see why he’s a much bigger deal just a year later.

The opening video looks at how important the Rumble is, with some great historical footage included. It has more history than any show not named Wrestlemania so it’s a smart move to go into that well. This switches into your regular opening video, which does its usual good job at looking at the rest of the card.

Smackdown Women’s Title: Becky Lynch vs. Asuka

Asuka is defending after taking the title from Becky in a TLC match at TLC, with Charlotte being included as well. Becky is on fire at this point and it’s a matter of time before she gets the big hero moment. They go with the aggressive lockup to start and that goes absolutely nowhere. Becky’s running shoulder earns her a running dropkick and a lot of shouting from the champ. Neither of them can get the arm so Asuka kicks her in the leg for two instead.

Becky is right back up with shots to the face and a kick to the ribs, followed by a running clothesline to sent Asuka to the floor. They switches places and you just don’t do that to Asuka, who scores with the running hip attack. Asuka heads outside as well and gets sent into the apron, only to send Becky into the post. The Bexploder sends Asuka into the barricade though and Becky is starting to seethe.

That means the aggressive stomping in the corner and the next of what is likely to be a bunch of armbars. That’s broken up so Becky avoids another hip attack and hammers away in the ropes. Asuka isn’t about to get beaten up though and pulls Becky into the Asuka Lock while still in the ropes. With that broken up, Becky fights out of the corner and grabs a Disarm-Her in the corner. That doesn’t last long either so Asuka knees her out of the air. Asuka strikes away but misses a missile dropkick so Becky can hit a Rock Bottom for two.

Back up again and they fight to the apron with Asuka hitting a fisherman’s neckbreaker to the floor and they’re both down. Asuka is in first and Becky beats the count, earning herself a basement dropkick to the head. They slug it out until Asuka kicks her head off for two. Asuka goes up so Becky stops her with a kick of her own and a super Bexploder gets a rather near fall as the crowd is staying right with them.

The middle rope legdrop misses though and Asuka catches her in a Disarm-Her. To keep up the same line of thinking, Becky gets her own Asuka Lock before switching to the Disarm-Her. Becky is too weak to get it on in full so Asuka rolls out and grabs the Asuka Lock and flips forward Cattle Mutilation style for the tag at 17:09.

Rating: B+. These two beat the heck out of each other and that finisher was the mega death version of the Asuka Lock. It’s really weird to see Becky lose though and it was even more surprising watching this live as Becky was the hottest thing around. Having her tap is a bit much, but sweet goodness would they get mileage out of that loss. The counters and different styles were awesome here though and it’s a near instant classic.

Smackdown Tag Team Titles: Shane McMahon/The Miz vs. The Bar

The Bar is defending and Miz’s dad is in the front row. Miz and Shane are together because of the Best In The World tournament but Shane has agreed to be nice to him so they can succeed together. In other words, expect the Shane Show to continue. Shane spears Sheamus down at the bell and it’s time for an early breather. Miz comes in to roll Cesaro up for two but it’s way too early for the Skull Crushing Finale.

Sheamus grabs Miz from behind to hold him in the corner though and Cesaro scores with the running uppercut. A right hand knocks Shane to the floor so Miz kicks away to avenge his fallen partner. They all head outside with Miz having to be saved from a double powerbomb through the announcers’ table. It’s too early for the big elbow through the table so Shane hits a top rope clothesline on Sheamus instead.

Shane gets sent hard into the barricade and that should let him stay down and use up all the oxygen in the first three rows. Back in and Sheamus drops a knee on Miz before cranking on the arm. The ten forearms to the chest and a double suplex back in get two as Shane is back up onto the apron. Cesaro drops a middle rope ax handle for two and Sheamus comes back in to talk more trash.

Miz sends Sheamus to the floor though and a backdrop puts Cesaro down as well. That’s finally enough for the hot tag to Shane and it’s bad punches a go-go. A DDT gets two on Sheamus and Shane loads up Coast To Coast to both of them at once. Cesaro pulls him out of the air and into the Swing though and it’s a rather long one this time.

Since it was just a really long Swing, Shane is right back with a triangle choke. Sheamus makes a save and it’s the spike White Noise for two, with no one making the save. Well you knew he was going to kick out of at least one finisher. Miz is back in to save Shane from the Brogue Kick, which hits Cesaro by mistake. The shooting star press finishes Cesaro for the titles at 13:23.

Rating: C. It’s every complaint about a Shane match that you could find: he’s pushed too hard, he looks ready to explode from hyperventilating after about eighteen seconds and he kicks out of a big finisher. Oh and now he’s a champion, naturally getting the pin in the process. It had already gotten bad and it was only going to get worse from here.

Shane and Miz celebrate with Papa Mizanin as the announcers get to praise Shane a bit.

Cole announces the attendance and Meltzer has a correction out immediately.

We recap Ronda Rousey vs. Sasha Banks. Rousey wants to see Banks get fired up and is ready to show us the difference between a Boss and a champion. Sasha promised to prove how good she was and made Natalya tap in a tag match on Monday. Graves: “It’s one thing to make Natalya submit.” Nice little unintentional insult there.

Sasha isn’t concerned about keeping her emotions in check. Tonight, she’s proving that she’s the best in the world.

Raw Women’s Title: Sasha Banks vs. Ronda Rousey

Rousey is defending and goes straight for the armbar but Banks armdrags her right back down. A springboard armdrag doesn’t work that well and Rousey mocks Banks’ pose. Rousey tries her own Three Amigos but Banks blocks the third, only to have to go to the ropes to avoid an armbar. A kick to the ribs puts Banks on the floor but Rousey punches the post by mistake.

That lets Banks hit a suicide dive to put Rousey down for a change. The chinlock doesn’t last long so Banks hits the running knees in the corner instead. Back up and Rousey hits a running elbow to the face for two so Banks hits a running knee of her own for the same. Rousey shrugs it off and loads up Piper’s Pit but gets reversed into a nasty armbar, complete with some finger bending.

Banks switches over into the Bank Statement but it’s broken up in a hurry. Now Piper’s Pit can connect and Rousey armbars her over the ropes. Rousey goes up but gets superplexed right back down so Banks can go back to the armbar. You don’t do that to Rousey, who rolls Banks over with some judo throws. They go outside with Rousey grabbing the armbar in full to make Banks tap.

Back in and Rousey hammers away in the corner but Banks gets in a shot of her own for the double knockdown. The armbar is broken up again and another Piper’s Pit is countered into a crossbody. The Bank Statement goes on until Banks switches to a Fujiwara armbar. Rousey rolls out and gutwrench suplexes the heck out of her, setting up another Piper’s Pit for the pin at 13:49.

Rating: B. This took time to get going but they were rolling at the end. Rousey was such a freak of nature as she probably hadn’t had 25 matches by this point (certainly not 10 big ones) and was going back and forth with one of the best around on the big stage. The battle of the submissions attempts worked well here and I got way into this all over again.

Post match they do a left handed handshake since Banks’ arm is wrecked. Banks does hold up the Horsewomen sign though because she isn’t the nicest loser in the world.

We recap the Kickoff Show. We’re so lucky.

John Cena has been injured and won’t be participating in the Royal Rumble. He was totally and really here and everything though. Honest. Braun Strowman is replacing him.

Beth Phoenix joins commentary.

Women’s Royal Rumble

90 second intervals and Lacey Evans (making her main roster in-ring debut, save for a random Main Event match) is in at #1, meaning she needs to introduce herself. Natalya is in at #2 and Lacey runs the ropes to start. Neither can hit a dropkick and Lacey can’t quite do a nip up. A clothesline can’t get rid of Natalya and she reverses a powerbomb with a hurricanrana. Natalya hits the discus lariat as Mandy Rose is in at #3, sending Graves over the edge all over again.

Another discus lariat drops Mandy and it’s the double Sharpshooter, which Graves says is like the even more stuffed Oreos. Liv Morgan is in at #4 and is out in less than ten seconds. Lacey and Mandy start double teaming Natalya but Lacey sends Mandy into the corner for the double Bronco Buster. Mickie James is in at #5, giving us the first non-blonde. House is cleaned in a hurry until Mickie has to save herself from being tossed by Mandy. Ember Moon is in at #6 and gets to clean house as well. No one can eliminate anyone else and it’s Billie Kay in at #7.

She’s fine with staying on the floor though, saying she’s going to wait for Peyton Royce to go in. More non-eliminations continue and it’s Nikki Cross in at #8 (Graves: “Batten down the hatches.” I really need to find out what hatches are and what it means to batten something.). She runs over Billie at ringside and then dives onto everyone else inside. Mandy and Nikki have a weird showdown with Nikki getting the better of it. Billie is inside now and get beaten up as well because she isn’t great on her own. Peyton Royce is in at #9 and it’s IIconics time. The team beats down Nikki and it’s time to fight on the ropes some more.

Tamina is in at #10, giving us Lacey, Natalya, Mandy, Mickie, Ember, Billie, Nikki Peyton and Tamina, meaning the ring is too full. Tamina gets to wreck people until Nikki gets to have another not that interesting staredown. A dropkick and tackle put Tamina through the ropes but she’s right back in with a kick to Nikki’s face. Mickie low bridges Tamina to the apron but she comes back in with the Superfly Splash to Nikki. A superkick gets rid of Mickie and it’s Xia Li in at #11.

Li kicks away at a lot of people but gets knocked down by Tamina. Sarah Logan, in Braveheart paint, is in at #12 as the ring is full and the crowd is dead. Ember has to hang on by her feet but pulls herself back in (finally a reaction) and the IIconics get rid of Cross. Charlotte is in at #13 and PLEASE get rid of some people. She gets jumped on the way in but everyone is fought off in a hurry. Lacey eliminates both IIconics at once and Charlotte kicks Li out to finally clear the ring a bit. Charlotte and Tamina have a staredown (NO ONE CARES ABOUT TAMINA!!!) and Charlotte gets rocked by a superkick.

Kairi Sane is in at #14 and she runs to the ring while looking through a telescope because of course she does. Charlotte gets rid of Tamina as Sane dives in. Charlotte chops Sane down but she’s right back up with the Insane Elbow to Logan. That’s enough to get rid of Sarah and it’s Maria Kanellis in at #15. She breaks up a staredown between Charlotte and Lacey, including a double bulldog. Charlotte is back up with a spear to Maria, who apparently doesn’t belong in this ring.

Naomi is in at #16 and that wakes the crowd up a bit. Mandy sends Naomi to the apron but gets backdropped out, only to pull Naomi to the floor. The feet don’t touch so Naomi backflips onto the barricade, tightrope walks across, and does a crazy athletic jump from the barricade to the steps. And then Mandy pulls her off the steps for the elimination anyway in a great heel move. Charlotte kicks Lacey out and it’s Candice LeRae in at #17. Candice Black Widows Ember but it’s broken up in a hurry.

Natalya powerbombs Charlotte out of the corner and it’s Alicia Fox in at #18 (I had almost forgotten about her.). Maria wants to be friends with Alicia so they beat up Sane. Alicia puts her captain’s hat on Maria before stopping to dance. Maria throws it on the ground and stomps on it….sending Alicia into a fit. She’s back up to eliminate Maria though as Kacy Catanzaro is in at #19 and starts with the hurricanranas. A slingshot version puts Alicia on the apron but she skins the cat to come back in.

Zelina Vega is in at #20, giving us Natalya, Moon, Charlotte, Sane, Candice, Alicia, Catanzaro and Vega. Candice and Vega slug it out as fallout from Andrade vs. Johnny Gargano but they slow down, meaning it’s yet another lull. Ruby Riott is in at #21 and has Logan and Morgan with her so all three pull Charlotte to the floor for some triple teaming. Fox gets the same treatment and Vega rolls to the floor to hide underneath the ring.

Riott throws Fox back inside and then eliminates her, followed by a powerbomb into the barricade for LeRae and another elimination. Dana Brooke is in at #22 and hits a weird looking sitout powerbomb on Catanzaro. Now the Squad pulls Brooke to the floor (I really can’t stand this whole people being on the floor but not eliminated deal as it makes things more confusing than they need to be) and Riott eliminates Sane. Io Shirai is in at #23 and dropkicks the Squad down, setting up the big moonsault to the floor (she was never in so it’s not an elimination).

Shirai and Riott go over the top to the apron for a slugout but they both get back in. Rhea Ripley is in at #24 but the star power hasn’t started for her just yet. She wrecks things a bit until Moon takes her down with a wheelbarrow faceplant. Brooke kicks Catanzaro to the floor but she holds her legs up, hand walks to the post, flips up to it and climbs back in to blow away Naomi’s save. Ripley blocks Catanzaro’s spinning DDT though and tosses her out for real.

Sonya Deville is in at #25 and spears Moon down but Brooke hits her with a shoulder. Brooke enziguris Ripley but gets sent to the apron and dropkicked out. Vega leans from under the ring to laugh at Brooke….and here’s freaking Hornswoggle to chase Vega back inside. That doesn’t last long as Ripley throws her out, with Hornswoggle chasing Vega to the back. Alexa Bliss is in at #26 to a MAJOR pop in her first match since September. The moonsault knees to the ribs hit Moon but Sonya pounds Bliss down in the corner. Bliss is right back by sending her to the apron though and a right hand gets rid of Sonya.

Bayley is in at lucky #27 and gets her own house cleaning segment, including a clothesline to get rid of Riott. That’s not all though as she knocks Ripley out as well as Lana is in at #28. Well not in really as she can barely walk due to her ankle injury from earlier. The trainer comes out to check on her in the aisle as Shirai saves herself from an elimination. Lana is still being checked on as Nia Jax is in at #29, only to jump Lana in the aisle for a bonus.

Fit Finlay comes out to tell her to go to the ring and it’s time for the giant to wreck some people. Shirai makes the mistake of trying a moonsault and gets knocked out in a hurry. Natalya somehow gets Jax up for a fireman’s carry but can’t do anything else with it and gets eliminated after 56 minutes. Carmella is in at #30 (an honor she won in Mixed Match Challenge), giving us a final group of Moon, Charlotte, Bliss, Bayley, Lana, Jax and Carmella, though Lana hasn’t gotten anywhere near the ring.

Carmella gets in a dropkick on Moon but Jax runs her over. Hold on though as Lana is still down so here’s Becky Lynch to say she wants the spot instead. Finlay says do it and the fans are WAY into this again. Becky gets the long awaited showdown with Jax but Charlotte breaks it up and sends Becky to the apron. That doesn’t work either and it’s Becky coming back in with a missile dropkick to Jax. Bliss goes after Moon and pulls her to the apron by the hair (freaking ow man) and then chokeshoves her out after a rather ridiculous 53 minutes.

Carmella hits a Bronco Buster on Bliss and there’s a Buckle Bomb from Bayley. Carmella and Bayley team up to throw Bliss out so Jax clotheslines them both. Charlotte saves Becky from Jax’s facebreaker so Carmella gives Becky a Downward Spiral instead. For some reason Charlotte goes up top so Carmella tries a running headscissors, only to get sent to the apron.

That lasts all of two seconds but Charlotte puts her out there again and a big boot gets us down to four (Bayley, Jax, Charlotte and Becky). Bayley dropkicks Charlotte and Jax against the ropes but Jax is right back with a big boot to eliminate Bayley, leaving us with three. The three way showdown is on with Jax splashing both of them in the corner. That sends Becky to the floor (not out) and it’s a Charlotte vs. Jax showdown that is a little more interesting than it sounds.

Something like a slow motion AA has Jax in trouble but Charlotte can’t follow up. Charlotte gets her onto the apron and Becky pulls her out, leaving us with Charlotte vs. Becky in the rivalry that won’t end. Hold on though as Jax shoves Becky off the steps and we have a knee injury. Referees check on her but Becky pulls herself back in for the fight. Well kind of at least as Becky falls straight back down as soon as she’s inside.

Becky says it’s her time and Charlotte has already taken enough from her. Charlotte, obviously, goes right after the knee but Becky kicks her in the face. She sends Charlotte to the apron but another kick to the leg cuts off the rally. Charlotte misses a charge though and a forearm sends Becky to Wrestlemania at 1:11:23.

Rating: D+. The Becky parts made it better but WOW this was badly laid out. There were far too many instances of people just standing around and doing nothing with several people staying in there too long. Ember for 52 minutes? Natalya for 56? Mandy Rose for nearly 26? You don’t need everyone in there for that long and it’s ok to come up with something other than “everyone stays on the ropes while two people do something in the middle” over and over. They got the right winner but it was a heck of a chore to get there.

Becky can barely stand but is very pleased with the results. The celebration goes on for a LONG time.

We recap AJ Styles vs. Daniel Bryan for the Smackdown World Title. Bryan turned heel to steal the title and became the crazy environmentalist so, after losing to Brock Lesnar at Survivor Series, it’s time for a (second) rematch. AJ is out to show that he isn’t complacent, which included attacking Vince McMahon in a story that went nowhere.

Smackdown World Title: AJ Styles vs. Daniel Bryan

AJ is challenging. We get the Big Match Intros and AJ hammers him down in the corner so the champ bails for a bit. Back in and they fight on the mat for a bit with AJ’s wristlock not getting him very far. A headlock works a bit better as the first gear work continues. Bryan bails to the floor again but comes back in….to get punched in the face. An uppercut puts Styles in the corner and he gets dropped chest first onto the post to give Bryan a target.

Bryan starts in on the shoulder and cranks on a hammerlock on the mat with Styles having to use his foot to reach a rope. A cross armbreaker is broken up as well so Bryan punches him in the face to even the score. AJ scores with a dropkick and the pinfall reversal sequence gets some near falls each. Bryan tosses him hard into the corner and that means the running dropkick.

A dragon suplex has AJ (with his bloody nose) rocked again and Bryan kicks him off the top and out to the floor. Bryan goes out after him but it’s the moonsault off the barricade into the perfect reverse DDT (that’s one of the best he’s ever hit). Back in and the springboard 450 hits Bryan’s knees, meaning the LeBell Lock goes on. Not to be outdone, AJ escapes and reverses into the Calf Crusher to stay on the knee.

That’s broken up as well and they’re both down for a bit. Bryan gets up first and kicks away at the arm, setting up the big kick to the head for two. AJ catches him on top and they slug it out up there, with Styles backflipping out of a belly to back superplex. The Calf Crusher goes on again before AJ switches to a cradle for two instead. Neither can get a backslide so AJ grabs a brainbuster for two more.

Rating: B+. I’m not wild on the ending but you can’t have AJ lose a clean fall here. They were working a heck of a match here with both of them going with their own style and having the other broken down. I don’t particularly care for Rowan interfering, but he and Bryan would wind up being a nice enough team so well done, even if it wasn’t the best feeling at the time.

Post match Rowan holds AJ up for the running knee from Bryan so things can continue.

We recap Finn Balor vs. Brock Lesnar for the Raw World Title in a match hyped up as David vs. Goliath. Balor is small but can do extraordinary stuff so he wants to fight Lesnar. This isn’t the Demon for reasons of Balor wanting to do it himself, even though the Demon IS Balor, meaning the whole thing doesn’t make a lot of sense. Or they just don’t want Lesnar losing because that wouldn’t be very Lesnarish.

Raw World Title: Finn Balor vs. Brock Lesnar

Lesnar is defending and we get the Big Match Intros. Balor dropkicks him at the bell to start and another running dropkick sends him into the corner. The first belly to belly cuts him off in a hurry though and we settle down for the first time. Another belly to belly on the floor rocks Balor again and it’s time to load up the announcers’ table.

Balor sends him ribs first into the corner of said table though and he does it again for painful measure. Brock can barely stand up as he throws Balor back inside for the shoulders in the corner. Another belly to belly has Balor flying but Lesnar is wincing a bit. Lesnar gets in yet another suplex but this time Balor is up with a Sling Blade. That’s it for the offense though as Lesnar BLASTS him with a clothesline.

Lesnar can’t hit a German suplex though as the stomach gives out. The F5 is countered into a DDT and Balor gets smart by stomping at the ribs. The big flip dive to the floor puts Lesnar down again and Balor hits a second for good measure. A third flip dive takes Lesnar down again but Renee says we’re having a new champion to end Balor’s hopes. Back in and Balor kicks him in the face, setting up the Coup de Grace for two, with Lesnar spinning into the Kimura on the kickout, making Balor tap at 8:36.

Rating: C+. Well that was short. They had some moments in there but at the same time, Lesnar wasn’t exactly doing much for the first half of the match. It got better once he was selling but there are only so many things you can do in less than nine minutes. The stuff with Lesnar’s stomach being messed up was enough to go somewhere, but this was only so good.

Post match Lesnar beats Balor up a few more times. This is something else that went nowhere.

Jerry Lawler and JBL join commentary.

Men’s Royal Rumble

90 second intervals again and Elias is in at #1, meaning it’s time for a song. Well make that insulting Phoenix until he’s interrupted by Jeff Jarrett of all people at #2. Jeff gets to strut and say ain’t I great as Elias is rather pleased by being interrupted by someone who brings something to the table. For now though, they need to sing together. And yes, they really are doing this three hours and forty minutes into a show with an hour long match to go. Jeff goes to spell his name so Elias hits him in the face to get things going.

Elias hammers away on the ropes and hits a clothesline so he can get in another catchphrase. A guitar shot to the back is enough to get rid of Jeff. Shinsuke Nakamura, last year’s winner, is in at #3 and he wastes no time in kicking Elias down. For some reason Elias goes up top for Old School, though it’s just an armdrag instead of a shot to the back. Kurt Angle is in at #4 to a big reaction and he starts in with the suplexes. Elias gets him in the corner though and it’s Big E. in at #5, with his gear including Kofi’s best Rumble moments. That’s rather cool….I think.

The Warrior Splash hits Nakamura but an Angle Slam takes Big E. down. Nakamura is back up with the running knee to Angle’s ribs and another running knee gets rid of Kurt. Honestly, it’s better to have him out that fast before he hurts himself again. Johnny Gargano is in at #6 and gets to clean house on Nakamura and Big E. The slingshot spear cuts Elias down and it’s Jinder Mahal in at #7. After he knocks everyone down, Gargano knocks Mahal out in about thirty seconds. The Singh Brothers get beaten up for a bonus and now it’s back to something that actually matters.

Samoa Joe is in at #8, just as Nakamura is surrounded in the corner. Elias gets kicked down and Joe just walks away from Gargano’s middle rope dive (that will always be cool). Joe dumps Big E. and it’s Curt Hawkins in at #9, still in the middle of his horrible losing streak. Hawkins gets in a few shots but bails to the floor in what is probably a smart move. The fans get behind Hawkins, even as Joe grabs him in the Koquina Clutch. For some reason Elias breaks that up and Hawkins bails to the floor again, this time hiding underneath the ring.

Seth Rollins is in at #10, giving us Elias, Nakamura, Gargano, Samoa Joe, Hawkins and Rollins. The springboard clotheslines hits Elias and there’s the Falcon Arrow to Gargano. Elias gets sent to the apron and then into the post for the elimination. It’s Titus O’Neil in at #11 and he crosses himself before charging to the ring, only to stop himself before getting to the apron in a funny moment. Titus sees Hawkins hiding underneath the ring and chases him inside, only to be eliminated almost immediately. Joe throws Hawkins out a second later to end the harmless comedy segment.

With the ring a little more cleared out, Kofi Kingston is in at #12 and things settle down a bit. As everyone fights by the ropes, Mustafa Ali is in at #13. Joe is waiting on him so Ali scores with a dropkick, only to get grabbed by Nakamura. That’s fine with Ali, who slips over the back and tells Nakamura to COME ON. Nakamura does just that and gets tossed out by Ali in quite the upset. Ali isn’t done either as he hits a tornado DDT on Gargano, only to get planted by Joe. Dean Ambrose, still in his pretty disastrous heel run, is in at #14 and goes right at it with Rollins, as expected.

With that broken up, Dean sends Kofi over the top but Kofi keeps one foot off the ground and rolls over to the steps to save himself. That’s not as good as his others, but maybe he’s crashing underneath the expectations. Kingston comes back in with a DDT to Dean, who is right back up to get rid of Gargano. No Way Jose, with the Conga Line, is in at #15 and Joe literally eliminates him in two seconds. No worries though as he and the Conga Line dance to the back as that was quite the use of an entrance.

Drew McIntyre is in at #16 and headbutts Jose for dancing too close to him. After cleaning some house, Joe and McIntyre slug it out for the hoss fight. The Claymore drops Joe and there’s one for Rollins as well as Xavier Woods is in at #17. As he is coming in, Kofi is knocked off the apron but sunset flips Woods, allowing him to keep one foot up.

Woods stands up with Kofi on his back (Cole to JBL: “I remember when you and Ron used to do this.”) and walks over to the steps for the real save of the year. Then McIntyre eliminates Woods and Kingston a second later because this show doesn’t like fun to last too long (completely appropriate for McIntyre of course). Pete Dunne is in at #18 and that gets a nice reaction. Dunne goes after Joe and Graves is rather pleased with everything going on at the moment.

Ali hangs on after being thrown to the apron and it’s Andrade in at #19. Andrade goes after Dunne in a match that sounds rather interesting indeed. With no one close to an elimination, Apollo Crews is in at #20, giving us Joe, Rollins, Ali, Ambrose, McIntyre, Dunne, Andrew and Apollo. McIntyre is sent to the apron and it’s Aleister Black (without the riser) in at #21. He goes right after Dunne in another match that sounds awesome (it’s almost like Dunne is great or something) but switches to Ambrose, with Black Mass connecting for the elimination.

Shelton Benjamin is in at #22 and goes at it with Crews for the athletic freak off. Crews saves himself from being eliminated as Shelton gets Koquina Clutched. That’s broken up and Ali dumps Joe in an upset. Baron Corbin is in at #23, fresh from his shift at *insert restaurant joke of the day here*. Deep Six drops Ali but he hangs onto the rope so Corbin knocks out Crews instead. Black and McIntyre slug it out and it’s Jeff Hardy in at #24 to keep the talent field high.

Lashley pulls Rollins, who low bridged him out, to the floor and beats the heck out of him to let off some steam. Rollins is spinebustered through the announcers’ table and it’s Braun Strowman in at lucky #27 for a possible (though unlikely) winner. Strowman knocks Corbin out in a hurry and there goes Benjamin a few seconds later. McIntyre dumps Hardy as Dolph Ziggler, his recent rival, is in at #28. That means a superkick to get rid of McIntyre and it’s Randy Orton in at #29 for the slow walk to the ring.

Strowman is right there for the showdown and the RKO is blocked in a hurry. Andrade loads up a superplex on Ali, so Strowman puts them BOTH on his shoulders with Mysterio diving off the top to take them down in your HOW CAN HE DO THAT spot of the match. R-Truth (also here because of the Mixed Match Challenge) is in at #30….but hang on as Nia Jax of all people jumps him from behind to take his spot, continuing the near trolling levels of a push. That gives us a final group of Rollins, Ali, Andrade, Orton, Strowman, Ziggler, Orton and Jax.

Nia gets to wreck some people and Ali is out in a hurry after a surprising thirty plus minutes. Orton stares Jax down but can’t hit the surprise RKO attempt, earning himself a shoulder down. Jax tells Rey to go for the 619 on Orton but cuts him off, only to get superkicked by Ziggler. The 619 hits Jax and Orton connects with the RKO, setting up a baseball slide from Mysterio to get rid of her.

Orton tosses Mysterio and Andrade dumps Orton, leaving us with Ziggler, Andrade, and Rollins and Strowman on the floor. Strowman comes back in and splashes Andrade and Ziggler in the corners to send them outside again. Hold on though as Strowman needs to go to the floor again to run Rollins over.

Everyone goes after Strowman in a 2004 flashback but he gets rid of Andrade and Ziggler. Rollins uses the momentum to put him on the apron but charges into a chokeslam. Back in and Rollins grabs a guillotine to pull Strowman to the apron and sends him into the post. A kick to the ribs sets up the Stomp on the apron to get rid of Strowman to give Rollins the win at 57:34.

Rating: B. This was much more like it with a nice mix of brawling, comedy, action and an only somewhat guaranteed winner. I know you can’t really hide the fact that someone is a shoe in winner but it’s nice to see them at least giving it a little bit more drama. Rollins winning made sense here as he had been on fire for the last year and needed something like this. Good Rumble, though there have been a lot better.

SIGN POINTING, yes I said SIGN POINTING, ends the show.

Overall Rating: B-. I’m curious to see how this one holds up against the original rating as the length was driving me crazy this time around. There is a lot of good stuff on here but EGADS it’s a two hour Kickoff Show and then four hours and forty minutes of the main show. You really needed to have the weird Tag Team Title deal on the Kickoff Show and then put Miz and Shane on the main show? That, plus Bryan vs. Styles, could have been on a big Smackdown at worst and this show could have been trimmed down by 45 minutes.

The only bad thing on here is the women’s Royal Rumble, but when that one match is nearly an hour and fifteen minutes long, it has quite the negative impact on the rest of the show. The men’s match makes up for it and the card is much better than worse, but they really, really need to stop with these shows getting close to (or over in Wrestlemania’s case) seven hours. It doesn’t matter how good it is. If you’re going three hours over the length of Wrestlemania X7, the time is going to cause a lot of problems. Anyway, good show, which could have been great with a big editing job.

Ratings Comparison

Chad Gable/Bobby Roode vs. Scott Dawson/Rezar

Original: D+

2020 Redo: D+

Shinsuke Nakamura vs. Rusev

Original: C

2020 Redo: C-

Buddy Murphy vs. Hideo Itami vs. Akira Tozawa vs. Kalisto

Original: C+

2020 Redo: B-

Asuka vs. Becky Lynch

Original: B+

2020 Redo: B+

The Bar vs. Shane McMahon/The Miz

Original: D

2020 Redo: C

Sasha Banks vs. Ronda Rousey

Original: B+

2020 Redo: B

Women’s Royal Rumble

Original: B

2020 Redo: D+

AJ Styles vs. Daniel Bryan

Original: C-

2020 Redo: B+

Brock Lesnar vs. Finn Balor

Original: C+

2020 Redo: C+

Men’s Royal Rumble

Original: D

2020 Redo: B

Overall Rating

Original: D+

2020 Redo: B-

WOW. I was actually shocked by the original ratings of those Rumbles and the Styles vs. Bryan match. I’ve mellowed a lot since then as the show really isn’t that bad.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

https://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/01/28/royal-rumble-2019-i-almost-had-a-birthday-watching-this-show/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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Royal Rumble 2019
Date: January 27, 2019
Location: Chase Field, Phoenix, Arizona
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves, Renee Young, Byron Saxton, Tom Phillips

It’s the first of the Big Four pay per views and that means it’s time to really get going with the busiest season of the year. In this case that means a pair of Royal Rumble matches, which may or may not have the highest levels of drama. I’m not sure who we’ll be seeing tonight, but it could be interesting. Let’s get to it.

The stadium looks huge, though it doesn’t look full.

Kickoff Show: Bobby Roode/Chad Gable vs. Rezar/Scott Dawson

THIS NEEDED TO BE ADDED TO THE SHOW??? If Rezar and Dawson win, both of their teams get future title shots. Akam is injured at the moment in case this is even more confusing than it seems. As a bonus, the cameraman falls over while trying to get a closeup of Roode during his entrance. Roode and Dawson start things off with Scott getting caught in a wristlock. It’s back to Gable but Rezar comes in to hammer away with the heavy forearms.

With Gable properly beaten, Dawson comes in for a suplex, followed by a chinlock. That’s rather old school of him. Back up and they slug it out until a shove into the ropes sends Gable head first into Dawson, meaning a double knockdown. Rezar comes in but gets caught in the armbreaker over the ropes. Everything breaks down and Dawson runs into Rezar by mistake, setting up the moonsault/neckbreaker combination to finish Dawson at 6:55.

Rating: D+. Well that was a distinct waste of time. The match was added to the card as a bonus and the not exactly interesting champions defeated their makeshift challengers, as in the team they should beat, without much effort. So much for having the Revival get somewhere out of all their recent drama, at least for one night. You couldn’t possibly have Rezar lose here you see. He doesn’t have a partner at the moment, but it makes more sense to beat half of the Revival. Again.

Kickoff Show: US Title: Rusev vs. Shinsuke Nakamura

Rusev is defending and goes straight with the corner shoulders to the ribs. A running clothesline puts Nakamura on the floor but he gets in a shot against the barricade to take over. Back in and some Bad Vibrations set up the running knee to the ribs as they’re doing just about the same match (at least the same pace) as before. The knees to the head don’t do too much damage to Rusev as he’s right back with the spinwheel kick for two.

Nakamura bails to the floor so Rusev loads up a suicide dive (!), which is cut off by a kick to the head. Well thank goodness for that. Nakamura fires off more kicks to the head for a near fall but Rusev ax handles him down. You don’t see that one very often, but you do see the Machka Kick, which makes it even worse.

Rusev gets caught in a triangle choke until a suplex finally gets him out of trouble. Nakamura kicks him down again so the referee checks on Rusev, allowing Nakamura to go after the turnbuckle pad. It’s Lana offering a distraction but she gets knocked off the apron and hurts her ankle. Rusev is distracted again, and this time a running knee to the back of the head gives Nakamura the title back at 10:15.

Rating: C. I’m so glad they gave Rusev the title so they could give it back to Nakamura to restart his nothing reign. That title is the kiss of death at the moment with no one getting anything out of it. It’s not like either of them being champion means anything more than the other, but this is kind of a confusing choice.

Kickoff Show: Cruiserweight Title: Buddy Murphy vs. Akira Tozawa vs. Kalisto vs. Hideo Itami

Murphy is defending and it’s one fall to a finish. Everyone goes for rollups to start but can’t get anywhere so Tozawa puts Murphy in a Black Widow. Kalisto makes a save and snaps off a hurricanrana to send Murphy outside. Itami starts cleaning house and wins a strike off with Murphy, followed by knocking Kalisto outside.

Tozawa’s dive takes Murphy out but Kalisto gets back in to clean house, including monkey flipping Tozawa off the apron onto Murphy. This time it’s Tozawa heading back inside to take over, capped off by the suicide headbutt on Itami. Buddy is back up with the running flip dive to the floor onto all three. Kalisto is up first with a hurricanrana driver for two on Murphy as the all over the place offense continues.

Murphy powerbombs Kalisto out of the corner for the same with Tozawa having to make a save. The Salida Del Sol gets a VERY close two on Itami but Murphy takes over again. It’s Itami hitting an enziguri on Murphy so Tozawa and Kalisto break it up with stereo superkicks. Murphy is right back up and countering whatever Itami’s finisher is supposed to be, setting up Murphy’s Law to retain at 12:07.

Rating: C+. This was exactly what it was supposed to be with a bunch of spots and all kinds of entertainment going on. It didn’t need to be anything more than a fast paced spotfest and that’s what they did here. Murphy retaining is fine and I liked the match well enough. It also didn’t overstay its welcome, which is often a problem with a match like this. Good stuff here.

The opening video looks at what the Rumble means, both as a show and as a match itself. This includes some history of the match, meaning some comedy, which doesn’t really fit with the serious nature of the video.

Smackdown Women’s Title: Asuka vs. Becky Lynch

Asuka is defending after taking the title from Becky in a triple threat match last month. Becky gets shoved down as there’s a rather loud high pitched noise. Back up and Asuka kicks the leg out but gets hip attacked out to the floor. Asuka misses the running kick off the apron and gets her own leg kicked out to put Becky in control for the first time. Back in and Becky sends her face first into the corner before stomping away for good measure. It’s too early for the arm but Asuka misses the running hip attack and gets caught in the ropes.

That’s fine though as it’s the Asuka Lock from the ropes for a few seconds. The missing continues though as Asuka goes shoulder first into the post, setting up a Disarm-Her in the ropes. Becky dives into a knee to the face though and the hip attack connects for two. The missile dropkick misses and Becky gets her own two off a bell to belly. Asuka is right back with most of an Asuka Lock, allowing Becky to roll to the ropes.

They fight to the apron and it’s a fisherman’s neckbreaker (I think) Asuka onto the floor for a huge (and scary looking) crash. They’re both alive and get back in for the slugout with Becky getting the better of it. Asuka gets caught in a super Bexploder for a very close two as the fans are getting way into these near falls.

Becky misses the middle rope legdrop though and gets pulled into the Disarm-Her, which is reversed into an Asuka Lock (on Asuka) for a pretty sweet sequence that you don’t see from the women. Asuka flips back for two and there’s the big kick to the head. Becky pulls her down into the Disarm-Her but this time it’s Asuka escaping. The full Asuka Lock goes on and Asuka flips forward into something close to Cattle Mutilation for the clean tap at 16:37.

Rating: B+. Very good match here with some crazy counters, though having Becky tap clean feels like a bad idea. I fully expect her to come back in and win the Rumble for the title shot, but this was a great example of WWE booking themselves into a corner. This could have been Charlotte losing instead and giving Asuka her win back from Wrestlemania, but instead they take something away from Becky before she’s likely winning later in the night, or at Elimination Chamber. Just seems unnecessary.

Smackdown Tag Team Titles: Shane McMahon/The Miz vs. The Bar

Shane and Miz are challenging in matching baseball jerseys. Shane takes Sheamus down at the bell because that’s what you do to a four time World Champion. We officially start with Cesaro vs. Miz as Miz can’t get a Skull Crushing Finale. The double teaming begins in the corner so it’s Shane running over for a quick save. Shane gets knocked off the apron (I think that’s enough to make Sheamus a five time World Champion) but he’s right back to save Miz from a powerbomb through the announcers’ table.

The big elbow is broken up so Shane hits a top rope clothesline on Sheamus instead. Cesaro uppercuts him in the face though and the double backbreaker gets two on Miz. Sheamus hits a middle rope knee to the chest for the same and it’s off to the ten forearms to the chest for a bonus. Miz fights out of a chinlock as this is somehow still going. The hot tag brings in Shane for the umping elbow to Sheamus and the horrible spinning DDT on Cesaro. Coast to Coast is broken up by Cesaro so Shane knocks him into the corner as well.

Since Shane can beat up one of the most successful tag teams of the modern era on his own. Thankfully Cesaro counters into the Swing, and it’s a LONG one with the fans giving him a quick standing ovation. Shane is fine of course and grabs what was supposed to be a triangle choke until Sheamus makes the save. Miz gets dropped on the floor and the spike White Noise, which pinned Seth Rollins last year, gets two. Miz breaks up the Brogue Kick so it takes out Cesaro instead, setting up Shane’s shooting star press for the pin and the titles at 13:23.

Rating: D. Not only was the match boring, but Shane McMahon just won a title in 2019. This is also the second stupid title loss for the Bar in less than a year after they lost to a ten year old at Wrestlemania. I’m sure they’ll get the titles back, but my goodness what is the point in this? To set up Shane vs. Miz at Wrestlemania? Is that what anyone wants to see?

We recap Ronda Rousey vs. Sasha Banks. Rousey tried to be nice to Banks but Sasha got serious and promised to make Rousey tap. That was enough to set Rousey off and we have a fired up champ.

Raw Women’s Title: Ronda Rousey vs. Sasha Banks

Rousey is defending. It’s way too early for the submissions so Rousey throws her into the corner and stops for some taunting. Rousey goes for Three Amigos but has to slip out of a Bank Statement attempt. Back up and Banks slaps her in the face, earning herself a kick to the ribs. They fight outside with Rousey punching the post, allowing Banks to hit a heck of a suicide dive. Things finally slow down a bit with Rousey grabbing a chinlock until Banks shoves her into the corner for some running knees.

An elbow to the face puts Banks down but she comes back up with some loud slaps to the back. The Rope walk sets up a Codebreaker to the bad arm and a running knee gets two. More running knees miss in the corner so Rousey tries Piper’s Pit, only to be reversed into a heck of an armbar on the bad arm. Rousey starts to roll out but gets pulled into the Bank Statement. It’s too close to the ropes though and now Piper’s Pit connects.

For some reason Rousey goes up top, earning herself a superplex for two. The armbar goes on again as you can’t say Banks isn’t focused. Rousey is all fired up and hits three straight judo throws by the arm. Banks sends her outside again though and Rousey’s arm is just hanging there. Another suicide dive is countered into the Beast Mode armbar on the floor to make Sasha tap, which didn’t make a ton of sense but looked awesome as you got the Death Stare.

Back in and Rousey unloads with right hands and a running knee of her own for two. Banks sends her arm first into the corner again though and it’s a double stomp onto the arm. The Backstabber is countered into an armbar attempt but another Piper’s Pit is countered into a crossbody for two. The Bank Statement can’t quite go on so it’s a Fujiwara armbar in the middle of the ring. Rousey rolls out of that as well and it’s a gutwrench suplex into Piper’s Pit for the pin at 13:48, though it looked like Rousey’s shoulders were down as well.

Rating: B+. I liked this even more than I was expecting to and it was a heck of a match. The arm stuff made sense and I’m glad they went with that instead of the back/ribs stuff that we’ve done a few times now. Banks looked more motivated than she has in years here and that’s not exactly surprising. As a bonus, Rousey was really showing off the athleticism here and made herself look even more talented than usual. Very good match and worth seeing.

Post match Rousey tries to show respect and gives her the Four Horsewomen sign but Banks isn’t having it and storms off.

Kickoff Show recap.

Women’s Royal Rumble

90 second intervals. Beth Phoenix is out for commentary and it’s Lacey Evans in at #1 and gives a rather condescending promo about wanting to clean up the division. Natalya is in at #2, which is quite the letdown after that kind of a setup. Lacey flips away from Natalya to start but they both miss dropkicks at the same time. The nipup doesn’t quite work for Lacey and it’s a wristlock to keep her in trouble. A hurricanrana takes Natalya down though and it’s Mandy Rose in at #3.

Natalya is right back up and does the still ridiculous looking double Sharpshooter until Liv Morgan is in at #4….and is eliminated in about two seconds off a Natalya backdrop. Lacey turns on Mandy but stops to pull a napkin from her trunks and wipe down a bit before throwing it at the other two (make your own Priscilla Kelly jokes). Mickie James is in at #5 and kicks Natalya in the head. No one goes for an elimination until Ember Moon is in at #6 to a big reaction (complete with a CGI moon, making me want to play Major’s Mask). Moon gets in all the usual until Mandy catches her in the corner.

Billie Kay is in at #7 but says she’s staying outside until Peyton Royce is here. Smart move actually and perfectly legal. Nikki Cross is in at #8 and sprints to ringside where she beats up Kay. House is cleaned but Lacey manages to avoid getting thrown out. Kay is inside now as the ring is starting to get too full. Peyton Royce is in at #9 and helps Billie up to go after Nikki. Some double teaming keeps her in trouble but there’s no elimination as Tamina is in at #10.

We currently have Evans, Natalya, Rose, James, Moon, Kay, Cross, Royce and Tamina. Kay goes after Tamina and nearly gets thrown out, but instead Tamina goes after Cross and this the top rope splash. A superkick puts James out and it’s Xia Li (of the Mae Young Classic) in at #11. Some kicks to the head drop Tamina and even more put everyone else down. Xia stands tall as Sara Logan is in at #12. The IIconics get together and dumb Cross in a rather quick elimination.

Charlotte is in at #13 and you can tell things are getting serious. Li gets sent to the apron and booted out as the ring is suddenly a lot less full. Tamina scores with a superkick and it’s Kairi Sane in at #14. The IIconics seem to have been eliminated as Sane is having way too much fun with her telescope. Charlotte gets Tamina out and there’s the top rope forearm from Sane to Moon. Charlotte welcomes the chops from Sane, who moves on to knocking Logan down.

The Insane Elbow connects and Natalya knocks Logan out. Maria Kanellis is in at #15 to get us to halftime and hopefully write off some of the rumors about her leaving. A double bulldog has Charlotte and Moon down but for some reason Maria stops for a dance, allowing Charlotte to nail her with a spear. Naomi is in at #16 and hits a sitout jawbreaker on Rose, as you had to expect.

A suplex to the apron sets up a kick to the head and Mandy is out. Naomi takes her time on the apron though and gets powerbombed against the barricade, only to kick Mandy in the head and crawl up onto the barricade. The tightrope walk lets Naomi get around for a Kofi Kingston-esque dive to the steps (that was VERY impressive) but Mandy pulls her to the floor anyway. Charlotte kicks Evans out and it’s Candice LeRae in at #17 for another NXT surprise. A Black Widow has Ember in trouble but she comes back with a gutbuster to put Candice down.

Some headscissors let Kacy put some people down with one putting Fox onto the apron. Zelina Vega (as someone from Street Fighter) is in at #20, giving us Natalya, Moon, Charlotte, Sane, LeRae, Fox, Catanzaro and Vega. LeRae and Vega go at it as a followup from NXT and it’s Ruby Riott, flanked by Morgan and Logan, in at #21. The Squad pull people underneath the ropes to cause some chaos but do managed to eliminate Fox and LeRae as Vega is hiding underneath the ring.

Dana Brooke is in at #22 and hits a heck of a sitout powerbomb on Catanzaro. The Squad keeps pulling people outside without eliminating most of them as Io Shirai is in at #23. She beats up the Squad in short order and hits the moonsault to the floor (she was never in so it’s not an elimination).

Riott and Shirai fight to the apron and it’s Rhea Ripley in at #24. She throws Catanzaro to the floor but Catanzaro lands on her back, allowing her to backflip onto the barricade and then hand walk to the post, where she flips up and climbs back in. Ripley throws her out without much of a problem, but WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT AND WHY CAN SHE DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT???

Sonya Deville is in at #25 and Brooke is eliminated as Vega keeps watching…..and Hornswoggle pops out from underneath the ring skirt next to her. The chase is on and Vega goes inside where she’s eliminated in short order. Alexa Bliss makes her return at #26 and moonsaults into double knees to Moon’s chest. A sunset bomb plants Charlotte and it’s Sonya unloading on Bliss in the corner. Bliss gets rid of Sonya and it’s Bayley (to a pop) at #27.

That means the pace can pick up and it’s Riott and Ripley being tossed out. Lana is in at #28 and selling the ankle from earlier in the night. The fans are begging for Becky to come out and take her place as Lana has taken over a minute to get about a third of the way to the ring. Nia Jax is in at #29 and jumps Lana on the way to the ring so I think you know where this is going. Shirai moonsault onto Jax but gets thrown outside, landing hard onto her ankle. Jax throws Natalya out as well and it’s Carmella in at #30, giving us a final field of Charlotte, Bayley, Jax, Sane, Moon, Bliss and maybe Lana, who never got in the ring.

With Carmella taking Jax down, here’s Becky to appeal to Fit Finlay (I call international collusion!) to let her take Lana’s spot. Finlay agrees and we have the final field. We get straight to the Becky vs. Jax showdown and Becky unloads on her to a freaking roar. Bliss pulls Moon to the apron and it’s a leg trip to get rid of Moon after 53 minutes. Bayley gives Bliss a buckle bomb and that’s enough for the elimination.

That leaves us with Bayley, Nia, Carmella, Charlotte and Becky. Jax gets knocked through the ropes and Charlotte reverses a running headscissors from Carmella but cant’ get rid of her. A running big boot knocks Carmella out and Bayley sends Charlotte to the apron. Nia throws Bayley out (with Bayley clutching her knee on the landing) to get us down to three. Becky rolls to the floor and Charlotte fireman’s carries Nia….nowhere actually.

Nia goes over the top and Becky pulls her out, leaving us with Charlotte vs. Becky, much to the fans’ approval. Nia pulls Becky off the apron though and we’ve got a knee injury. Becky charges inside anyway and gets her leg taken out rather quickly. Charlotte cranks on the leg but Becky pops up and sends her to the apron. A running shot is enough to get rid of Charlotte to give Becky the win at 1:11:23.

Rating: B. I think I liked this one more than last year’s. The winner was the predictable (not a bad thing) and right call, but the bigger deal here was the lack of legends. It’s a good sign that the divisions have grown enough that they can have one of these without having so many people added to the match from years past. The NXT women were a nice touch and the match never felt like it was dragging.

I wouldn’t mind for it to be a little less messy though, as there were too many people on the floor at various times and a few too many spots of people saving themselves. That being said, Catanzaro is not human and that save was incredible, likely more impressive than most of Kofi’s. The Hornswoggle spot was hilarious too and I’m very relieved that he was used for that instead of a Rumble entry. Good match here, as the division looks a lot deeper this year.

We recap the Smackdown World Title match. Daniel Bryan turned heel back in November and won the title from Styles via a low blow. AJ Styles has turned it up a few notches though and is now the REAL AJ Styles again. This should be a heck of a match if given time, but it’s almost 10:00 and we have two World Title matches and a Royal Rumble to go.

Smackdown World Title: AJ Styles vs. Daniel Bryan

Bryan is defending. AJ starts fast and slugs away but gets sent hard into the post for a trip to the floor. The shoulder is sent into the post again and it’s off to a hammerlock. Bryan seems very pleased with AJ possibly having a bloody nose and hammers away on the mat some more.

AJ gets back up with a suplex and right hands of his own, only to get suplexed onto the back of his head. Bryan gets sent outside for some kicks to the face as this is severely dragging. Back in and they trade submission finishers with AJ CRANKING on the leg in a painful looking visual. The rope is grabbed and Bryan kicks him down again. They head up top with AJ flipping out of a belly to back superplex before grabbing the Calf Crusher.

That’s broken up again but AJ gets kicked out of the air on a springboard attempt. Bryan takes the Pele though and they’re both down. Cue Erick Rowan of all people as they get back up, only to have Bryan enziguri the referee by mistake. The Styles Clash hits Bryan, drawing in Rowan to chokeslam Styles. The referee revives to count the pin as Bryan retains at 24:18.

Rating: C-. This is a good example of a match that wasn’t exactly great and didn’t need to take place at this point. It’s nearly 10:30 and we’re going to be lucky to finish this show by midnight. They’re already doing a rematch from Bryan pinning him clean and it was just to set up Rowan as Bryan’s enforcer. This wasn’t the right place and it came at the wrong time. It’s not bad, but it didn’t need to go this way.

We look at the big brawl after last night’s Takeover, which set up a six man tag during halftime of the Super Bowl.

We recap Finn Balor vs. Brock Lesnar. It’s literally billed as David vs. Goliath, with the much smaller Balor earning the shot when Braun Strowman lost his shot after destroying Vince McMahon’s limo. Balor seems to be in over his head but wants to fight, as is his custom.

Universal Title: Brock Lesnar vs. Finn Balor

Balor is defending and charges straight at Lesnar at the bell. A few more shots have him in trouble but he catches a charge with a belly to belly. Balor wisely rolls outside with Brock following, only to get sent ribs first into the announcers’ table. Back in and it’s more belly to bellies to put Balor in more trouble.

A clothesline turns Balor inside out but Lesnar’s ribs are still banged up. Lesnar goes to finish with the F5, which is reversed into a hard DDT. Balor stomps away at the ribs and gets in a jumping double stomp. They head outside with Balor nailing the running flip dive as Lesnar is in trouble. Back in and the Coup de Grace connects for two, but Brock slaps on the Kimura for the tap at 8:37.

Rating: C+. This was good while it lasted but it was way too short and there was no way it was going to be much more without the extra time. Balor was game and trying with Lesnar doing his usual very good selling, but with less time than a Raw main event, there wasn’t much they could do.

Post match Balor hits some more German suplexes and an F5.

Jerry Lawler and JBL come out for commentary.

Men’s Royal Rumble

Elias is in at #1 and let’s have a song. Before he can sing though, it’s Jeff Jarrett in at #2 for the big music off. Jeff does his catchphrases and they agree to a duet but Elias punches him in the face and a guitar shot is enough to get rid of Jarrett. Shinsuke Nakamura is in at #3 and goes straight at Elias in the corner. Elias pops up with a rope walk as Kurt Angle is in at #4. Suplexed abound and it’s Big E. in at #5. The Big Ending to Big E. doesn’t work and it’s a bunch of knees, including one in the corner to get rid of Angle. Johnny Gargano is in at #6 and it’s a running hurricanrana on Elias.

A not great looking tornado DDT drops Big E., followed by the slingshot spear to Elias (Johnny must not like him). Jinder Mahal is in at #7 and after a few knees, is eliminated by Gargano. The Singh Brothers aren’t done though as they get dragged in for a beatdown from Elias and Big E. Samoa Joe is in at #8 and gets a rather strong reaction. The sidestep avoids Gargano’s middle rope kick to the face and a rake to the eyes is enough to get rid of Big E.

Curt Hawkins is in at #9, hits a forearm to Joe’s back, and then bails to the floor. For some reason he comes back in, only to walk into the Koquina Clutch. Elias makes a save so Hawkins can bail to the floor for some hiding underneath the ring. It’s Seth Rollins in at #10, giving us Elias, Nakamura, Gargano, Joe, Hawkins (underneath the ring) and Rollins. Seth gets rid of Elias in a hurry and it’s Titus O’Neil in at #11, complete with stopping to make sure he doesn’t slide underneath the ring.

Instead he sees Hawkins and goes after him underneath the ring, only to charge after him and get tossed in a hurry. Joe dumps Hawkins though and it’s Kofi Kingston in at #12. Rollins runs Nakamura over with an elbow and the clock seems to be getting a little faster as Mustafa Ali is in at #13. That means a rolling X Factor to Joe and a COME ON to Nakamura. Shinsuke charges and that’s enough for an elimination.

Ali hits a tornado DDT on Gargano but he runs into the overhead belly to belly from Joe into the corner. Dean Ambrose is in at #14 and it’s time for the showdown with Rollins. Dean knocks Kofi to the floor but Kofi puts his feet on the apron and rolls over until he gets to the steps. Kofi comes back in with a top rope DDT to Ambrose but Dean is right back up with Dirty Deeds to Gargano. Johnny is out but Kofi hits Dean with Trouble in Paradise. No Way Jose is in at #15 and is out so fast that he might have broken Santino Marella’s record.

No worries though as he and the conga line dance straight to the back. JBL: “Does he realize that he was just eliminated from the Royal Rumble?” Drew McIntyre is in at #16 and headbutts Jose before wrecking some of the conga line. It’s a series of Claymore kicks, including a great one to Joe, to put everyone down. Kofi gets knocked over the top as Xavier Woods is in at #17. As Kofi is getting shoved to the floor, he sunset flips Woods with only one foot touching, allowing Woods to stand up and piggyback Kofi to the steps. Once inside, Drew clotheslines them both out in a funny bit.

Pete Dunne is in at #18 and goes straight after Ali. Joe can’t suplex him and it’s time to go after a bunch of fingers. Dunne suplexes Ali onto Joe and Andrade is in at #19. A spinning DDT plants Dunne as there is some crazy talent in there. Apollo Crews is in at #20, giving us Joe, Rollins, Ali, Ambrose, McIntyre, Dunne, Andrade and Crews. Things slow down and it’s Aleister Black in at #21. A huge kick drops Ali and another one eliminates Ambrose. Shelton Benjamin is in at #22 with Paydirt to Benjamin, followed by Ali dumping Joe.

Shelton is out as well and it’s Dolph Ziggler in at #28. Hardy is knocked out and Ziggler gets rid of McIntyre as a bonus. Randy Orton is in at #29 and gets to stare down Strowman but the RKO is easily blocked. The powerslam connects and Strowman puts Andrade in an electric chair, while Andrade superplexes Ali. Rey adds something close to a high crossbody for the big crash, followed by Strowman going shoulder first into the post, as is his custom. R-Truth is in at #30….and Nia Jax jumps him from behind?

Nia takes his place, giving us Mysterio, Andrade, Ziggler, Orton, Strowman (on the floor), Ali, Rollins (on the floor) and Jax. Nia dumps Ali out and gets to star Orton down. The RKO is blocked so Ziggler superkicks Nia into the 619 (JBL: “Rey don’t do that!”). An RKO takes Jax down and it’s Rey baseball sliding her out. There’s an RKO to get rid of Rey but Andrade throws Orton out. We’re down to Ziggler, Strowman, Rollins and Andrade with Ziggler and Andrade striking it out.

Strowman comes back in to run them both over as Rollins is getting back up. That means the running shoulder on the floor and Strowman throws him inside, where the triple teaming begins on the monster. Strowman pops back up to get rid of Andrade and knocks Ziggler out as well. Rollins puts Strowman on the apron but charge into a chokeslam. Not over the top, but a chokeslam nonetheless. They get back in and Rollins pulls him to the apron by the head ala Chris Benoit and Big Show. It’s not enough for an elimination so Rollins sends him into the post and adds a Stomp for the win at 57:34.

Rating: D. It’s really hard to hate a match that had that kind of stretch in the teens but my goodness they missed on the final batch. Nia Jax as #30 wasn’t interesting and isn’t exactly an upgrade over someone who can at least do some funny stuff. The rest of the match wasn’t much better, as a lot of spots were wasted on nothing entries like Hawkins, O’Neil and Mahal. Throw in a comedy legend here or there to spice things up a bit and this is a lot better.

There were some good points here, as they went with the logical and obvious winner (not a bad thing) in Rollins and showcased a lot of young guys. Other than Black I can’t imagine any of them sticking around on the main roster but it’s nice to see them get a chance against the big names. Just….be more interesting.

Overall Rating: D+. There were parts here that worked but my goodness the length crippled this show. You could have EASILY shed an hour and a half off of this thing by dropping the Smackdown Tag Team Title match, the Smackdown Women’s Title match, and the Smackdown World Title match. Make Asuka vs. Becky (which was awesome) a big TV match and put Styles vs. Bryan on in a similar spot. Just because you can put something on the card doesn’t mean you should and that’s the big lesson here. This was almost an hour longer than last year’s way too long show because WWE refuses to hit the brakes.

There are good parts to the show but it’s the overall presentation that is severely lacking. It’s the length, it’s the lack of any surprises in the Rumbles (again: not a bad idea, but certainly not a thrilling one), it’s the lack of interesting names in the Rumble and it’s spending way too much time on stuff that doesn’t need to be on the show. I was begging for this show to be over at the halfway point and it just kept dragging along. There is no excuse for any show, including Wrestlemania, to be starting at 5 and ending at nearly midnight. That’s the big problem here and there’s very little that the wrestlers can do about it.

Results

Asuka b. Becky Lynch – Asuka Lock

Shane McMahon/The Miz b. The Bar – Shooting star press to Cesaro

Ronda Rousey b. Sasha Banks – Piper’s Pit

Becky Lynch won the Women’s Royal Rumble last eliminating Charlotte

Daniel Bryan b. AJ Styles – Pin after a chokeslam from Erick Rowan

Brock Lesnar b. Finn Balor – Kimura

Seth Rollins won the Men’s Royal Rumble last eliminating Braun Strowman

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Royal Rumble 2018
Date: January 28, 2018
Location: Wells Fargo Center, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 17,629
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves, Booker T., Tom Phillips, Byron Saxton

It’s hard to believe that a year has passed since this show as I can barely remember most of the card. This show features the first ever all women’s Royal Rumble, which really is quite the milestone. Now of course they had to bring in a bunch of legends/former wrestlers who aren’t legends but are called such to fill in the lineup, but there are worse things to do. Let’s get to it.

Kickoff Show: Kalisto/Gran Metalik/Lince Dorado vs. TJP/Jack Gallagher/Drew Gulak

They aren’t the Lucha House Party yet but they’re the Lucha House Party. As usual, the arena is still mostly empty because we need to be having a match an hour and a half before the show starts. Kalisto and Gulak start things off with a weak POWERPOINT chant annoying Drew. The announcers talk about the upcoming 205 Live General Manager as Kalisto twists the knee around into something like a reverse Figure Four. Gulak rolls out so it’s Metalik and Gallagher (in his suit of course) coming in instead.

A quick takedown sends Gallagher outside where he insists a fan not boo him. TJP comes in and that earns him a triple dab from the House Party. We settle down to TJP and Dorado exchanging wristlocks until Kalisto comes in for a headlock. The pace picks up again but this time it’s Gulak coming in and flying over the top to the floor. All three luchadors get on the top and it’s a triple moonsault to the floor to pop the dozens of fans in attendance.

Back from a break with TJP dropkicking Dorado out of the air so the heat segment can begin. Gallagher hits a surfboard double stomp on the knees and it’s off to a leg crank. Gulak stomps away and it’s back to TJP to look annoyed at Dorado for not staying down. Instead it’s Gallagher going to the middle rope and looking terrified, allowing Dorado to roll away. After a quick lecture, Gulak comes in as Metalik gets the hot tag to pick up the pace. The rope walk elbow gets two as everything breaks down. The double Golden Rewind sets up a big double dive from Metalik for two on Gulak. A quick Salida Del Sol finishes TJP at 13:13.

Rating: C. For the life of me I don’t get the point in having these matches this early. There’s no one there and while the action was fine, it’s not like there’s anyone to react to them. They had a nice match here though with the dives taking them wherever they wanted to go. 205 Live was still figuring out a bunch of things but the match worked well enough because people who can fly around are always going to be worth a look.

The crowd has filled in now.

Kickoff Show: Luke Gallows/Karl Anderson vs Revival

What a lack of a difference a year makes. Revival is fresh off getting beaten up by a bunch of legends Dawson chops at Anderson in the corner until a dropkick gets him out of trouble. Dawson makes a tag from the floor (not sure if you can do that) and the distraction lets him rake Gallows’ eyes, though it doesn’t really do much. The threat of a right hand sends Revival outside and we take a break. Back with Dawson snapping Anderson’s knee over the middle rope to give the Revival a target.

Anderson gets double teamed in the corner as the announcers ignore the match to talk about Brock Lesnar. The leglocking begins so Anderson kicks him square in the jaw for the break. That’s always going to work but it’s not enough to get the hot tag off to Gallows. Another kick away allows the tag to Gallows so the pace can pick up. House is cleaned but the Magic Killer is broken up as Anderson comes back in for some reason. Anderson is fine enough to hit a kick to the head in the corner, only to have a chop block finish Anderson at 9:14.

Rating: C. Another match that only served as filler for the sake of filling time, which is one of the most annoying things you can have. It’s a match that didn’t need to exist and only served to burn off a little more of the crowd’s energy before we get to the matches that actually matter. The match was fine, though just another match that didn’t serve much of a purpose.

Kickoff Show: US Title: Bobby Roode vs. Mojo Rawley

Open challenge it seems. Roode is defending, having won the title less than two weeks ago. Before the match, Roode talks about winning the title and being the Glorious One. Rawley plants him with a shoulder but Roode is right back with a hard clothesline. A Russian legsweep gets two but it’s way too early for a Glorious DDT. Instead Rawley sends him outside and into the barricade for two as we take a break. Back with Roode still in trouble as Rawley drives knees into the ribs.

We hit the chinlock until Roode belly to back suplexes his way to freedom. The Blockbuster is countered but Roode slips off and grabs a neckbreaker for two more. Now the Blockbuster gets two but the Glorious DDT is broken up again. A spinebuster gives Rawley two and he sends Roode shoulder first into the post. The running right hand is blocked with a boot though and the (not very) Glorious DDT retains the title at 7:37.

Rating: D+. I for one am very glad that we had to sit through this as well, with Roode barely breaking a sweat to retain the title in a match that was never in doubt. Roode isn’t exactly thrilling as a face but even worse is the fact that he got stuck with the US Title of Death, which has hurt just about everyone it’s touched for a long time now.

The opening video talks about the opportunity for all, both in the Royal Rumbles and in the triple threat. Thankfully the rest of the card gets some time as well, even if Brock Lesnar still looms over everyone.

Smackdown World Title: AJ Styles vs. Sami Zayn/Kevin Owens

Owens and Zayn are challenging in a handicap match as part of the Daniel Bryan/Shane McMahon love/hate Owens/Zayn story which was more about Shane than anyone else. I miss Sami’s heel stuff as he really is someone you want to see get punched in the face. Owens lets Sami start but he tags right back out. It’s another tag a few seconds later as they’re clearly filling in time here. That’s not a complaint as there’s only so much that can be realistically done in a match like this.

AJ takes Owens down without much effort so Kevin slides to the floor and tags Sami in from the floor to a rather nice reaction. Sami headlocks AJ for little avail as Saxton GOES OFF on Graves in the most emotional outburst I’ve ever heard from him. A cheap shot lets Owens take over on AJ with a hard whip into the corner getting two. They head outside (Owens: “We’ll play outside!”) with AJ being whipped ribs first into the barricade.

Back in and Sami grabs a quickly broken chinlock, allowing AJ to come back up slugging away at Owens. A missed Cannonball in the corner bangs up Owens’ knee to put him down for a bit, allowing AJ to pull Sami off the top for a breather. Owens tries to come back in but can’t do much on the knee, meaning it’s back to Sami who charges into a boot in the corner.

The moonsault into the reverse DDT plants Sami but Owens is back up again. This time he throws AJ out of the corner but Styles catches Sami in a hurricanrana to send him outside. AJ grabs the Calf Crusher on Owens until Sami dives in for save. Owens, with his knee fine in a hurry, misses a charge into the post but is still able to superkick AJ into the Blue Thunder Bomb for a close two. Not exactly Sweet Chin Music into the Pedigree in the Cell but not bad. Important note: Sami had pinned AJ with the Blue Thunder Bomb earlier in the week, so the move was suddenly a threat. The little things like that can go a long way.

AJ slips out of a superplex attempt and scores with the Phenomenal Forearm to Sami as Owens makes a save. Sami dives over to Owens for a tag and gets sent outside, leaving Owens’ Pop Up Powerbomb to be countered into a rollup to retain AJ’s title at 15:50. The replay shows that Sami might not have actually tagged, meaning AJ pinned the wrong man.

Rating: C+. This was only going to be so good as you can only make AJ be so much of an underdog before he wins. Owens and Zayn are a great heel act but they just lost almost clean to one guy. Yeah it’s AJ Styles, but that’s not exactly the best way to present them. It doesn’t help that it’s just part of a story involving Shane McMahon as a screwy boss, but you know we’re not escaping him anymore.

Wrestlemania ad. I forgot how sick I got of that song.

Sami and Kevin complain to Shane about what happened and he really doesn’t care.

Smackdown Tag Team Titles: Usos vs. Chad Gable/Shelton Benjamin

Gable and Benjamin are challenging and this is 2/3 falls. Before the match, the Usos yell a lot about this being their house and how they’re going to win in the Uso Penitentiary. Shelton shoulders Jey down to start and Jey seems rather pleased. Gable comes in but a blind tag lets Jey come in and break up Rolling Chaos Theory. The challengers take a break on the floor before a chop block takes Jimmy’s knee out.

Shelton hits one of his own and it’s time to really work the knee over with a Robinsdale Crunch into a regular leglock. Some stereo running knees to the face drop Jimmy again and the charge continues to knock Jey off the apron as a bonus. Since WWE tends to do the same things over and over, the hot tag comes through a few seconds alter, allowing Jey to speed things up and hit a big dive to the floor.

Back in and a running hip attack in the corner looks to set up the Superfly Splash but Gable is up just in time. Some rollups get two as Shelton comes back in to load up a powerbomb. Chad has to dropkick Jimmy down instead though, leaving Shelton to powerbomb Jey into Jimmy instead. A good looking moonsault to the floor drops both Usos, though it’s not exactly enough to wake the fans up.

Rating: D+. The action wasn’t bad but what in the world was the point of the 2/3 falls stipulation? This was a watchable match but it wasn’t anything more than and the fans really didn’t care. I’m not sure what they were going for here and given that the whole show went over four hours, this really could have been cut to shave off nearly twenty minutes total.

Rumble By The Numbers. That never gets old.

Jerry Lawler comes out for commentary.

Men’s Royal Rumble

90 second intervals here, which has hit and miss results. Rusev is in at #1 and Finn Balor is in at #2. Aiden English does Rusev’s intro to a very, very strong reaction. You knew Philadelphia would be a Rusev Day town. Rusev wastes no time in trying to dumb Balor but has to take him down for an elbow instead. The running spinwheel kick cuts Balor off again and it’s Rhyno in at #3. Makes sense in the ECW Arena and I could go for Lawler making fun of ECW forever. Rhyno starts cleaning house and it’s already time for the ECW chants. Clotheslines abound until Rusev spinwheel kicks Rhyno down as well.

Baron Corbin is in at #4 because I couldn’t even avoid him back then. Corbin cleans a bit of the house and catches a charging Rhyno with Deep Six. That’s enough to toss Rhyno but Balor dumps Corbin a few seconds later to get us back to two. Corbin isn’t cool with that and pulls Balor to the floor (not eliminated) for a whip into the barricade. Rusev takes End of Days and everyone is down. Heath Slater is in at #5 and gets dropped on the ramp to put everyone down again.

Elias, with guitar of course, is in at #6 and since everyone is down, let’s have a song! See, now this makes some sense and is a proper way to fill in some time and keep things fresh. After a kick to Slater on the way down the ramp, Elias confirms that the people do indeed want to walk with Elias. You always have to make sure of course. The song is about spitting in the face of the Rocky Statue (TOO FAR!) but the countdown clock cuts him off and it’s Andrade Cien Almas (NXT Champion with Zelina Vega) in at #7. Now that’s a nice move and having it happen the night after he won a classic match makes it even better.

Almas wastes no time in hitting the running knees in the corner but the hammerlock DDT is broken up. Bray Wyatt is in at #8 and walks rather to the ring rather quickly. Before he gets in, he beats Slater up on the floor and sends him into the barricade, meaning Slater still hasn’t gotten in yet. Balor gets up and saves Elias from Sister Abigail but gets knocked down as it’s all Wyatt. Big E. is in at #9 but first, we need to have some pancakes. A single belly to belly drops Wyatt, only to have Rusev pop up with a superkick to Big E.

Tye Dillinger somehow gets #10 again….but hang on a second as Sami Zayn and Kevin Owens jumps him from behind so Sami can take his spot (while knocking Slater down again to continue the running gag). That gives us Rusev, Balor, Slater (on the floor), Elias, Almas, Wyatt, Big E. and Zayn. Nothing of note happens until Sheamus is in at #11 and he even throws Slater inside….and gets clotheslined out just as fast. Sheamus’ shocked face is rather good, though the fans aren’t happy when Wyatt eliminates Slater a few seconds later. Everyone is down again until Xavier Woods is in at #12 so 2/3 of New Day can start to clean house, thereby waking the crowd up a bit.

The fans get way into the countdown as Apollo Crews is in at #13, which should kill the crowd all over again. I’m not sure why they’re so quiet here but maybe they’re waiting for the big finish instead. Again not much happens and it’s Shinsuke Nakamura at #14 to fill up the ring even more. The fans are into Nakamura as he starts cleaning house, including the running knee in the corner to get rid of Zayn for old times’ sake.

Cesaro is in at #15 and gets to clean house as the fans get behind Rusev. They’re quite fickle in Philadelphia. Kofi Kingston is in at #16 and the New Day is at full strength. Apollo nearly gorilla presses Cesaro out but gets sent to the apron himself, allowing Cesaro to uppercut him out. Jinder Mahal is in at #17 because we’re just that lucky. Woods dropkicks him into the corner but gets knocked off the top for the elimination. We didn’t even get anything from the full New Day in the whole thing?

Mahal gets rid of Big E. as well and it’s Seth Rollins in at #18 to a nice reaction. Rollins monkey flips Cesaro out as at least they’re keeping the eliminations flowing. Mahal goes to dump Kofi but Woods is still on the floor, meaning Kofi can land on him instead of the floor. Big E. offers a plate of pancakes for the other foot and a nice case of hopping lets Kofi get back in, complete with Big E. and Woods launching him back in. Trouble in Paradise eliminates Mahal and it’s time to cover him in pancakes. With the celebration rolling, Almas hits Kofi with the hammerlock DDT to get rid of Kofi.

Woken Matt Hardy is in at #19 (King: “Oh brother.”) and he goes straight for Elias with the rams into the corner. Matt and Bray get together and eliminate Rusev, much to the fans’ annoyance. That’s it for the teamwork as they slug it out and then eliminate each other to really clear the ring a bit. John Cena is in at #20, giving us Balor, Elias, Almas, Nakamura, Rollins and Cena. The other five are waiting for Cena and stomp him down, because they’re rather smart. They don’t go for the elimination though, because their intelligence is short sighted.

Cena dumps Elias (because Cena always ruins Elias’ night) and the Hurricane is in at #21, much to Cena’s shock. The Hurri-chokeslam is easily countered into an AA to get rid of Hurricane, who is shocked as well. Aiden English is in at #22 but the fans would rather argue about Cena. Adam Cole, with bad ribs, is in at #23 and you know these fans are going to like him. Balor (hey he’s still in this) eliminates English and it’s Randy Orton in at #24. Cena shrugs off an RKO attempt so Almas takes it instead and gets thrown out as the amount of entrants stays at a nice pace.

Titus O’Neil is in at #25 but no one seems worried about him. At least they know their history. Titus does actually beat up Nakamura in the corner as Cena and Orton have their contractually obligated fight until Intercontinental Champion The Miz is in at #26. That means house can be cleaned, including the YES Kicks to Rollins and Cena. A Skull Crushing Finale keeps Cena down but Rollins superkicks Miz.

Rey Mysterio makes a surprise appearance at lucky #27, marking his first appearance with the company since the night after Wrestlemania XXX. The pace gets to pick up and Cole is eliminated off a headscissors. Miz eats a 619 and it’s Roman Reigns in at #28 to tick the fans off in a bad way. Almost everyone gets a right hand until it’s a showdown with Miz, who took Reigns’ Intercontinental Title on Raw earlier in the week.

Dolph Ziggler is in at #30 (Cole: “I thought he retired or something!” This was after Ziggler vacated the US Title and walked out without ever mentioning what he was doing. And now he’s right back, apparently saying that the US Title means nothing. Anyway the final group is Balor, Nakamura, Cena, Orton, Mysterio, Reigns, Goldust and Ziggler. Cena tries an AA on Ziggler, who flips out and lands on his leg, which probably should have counted as full on impact. Goldust scores with the snap powerslam but Ziggler easily puts him out with a superkick.

Some tuning up the band takes too long though and Ziggler is knocked to the apron so Balor can knock him out. They vacated the title to give Ziggler a two minute cameo. Well done indeed. We’re down to six and that’s a CRAZY deep field, with Nakamura being the least successful in WWE. Balor takes an AA and it’s a 619 to Reigns, followed by an RKO to Nakamura (Lawler: “COVER HIM! COVER HIM! Oh wait….”).

Reigns gets up with a Superman Punch to Orton for an elimination but it’s Mysterio with a double 619 to Reigns and Cena. Balor breaks up a springboard though and Mysterio is out to leave us with four. Everyone is down in a corner until it’s Cena vs. Nakamura and Reigns vs. Balor. Nakamura and Balor are knocked down so it’s a Reigns vs. Cena showdown but nothing happens before the other two are right back up. Nakamura’s running knee in the corner rocks Balor but he gets back in, only to get kicked square in the head.

Reigns is back up for a save this time and NOW we get Reigns vs. Cena for the big showdown. The slugout goes to Reigns but Balor gets up and starts firing off Sling Blades. Kinshasa is cut off with a running double stomp from Balor, only to have Cena pop up and throw Balor out to get us down to three. A Superman Punch puts Nakamura down but he’s right back up to kick Cena to the apron. Another knee sends Cena to the floor and we’re down to Nakamura vs. Reigns. I think you know who the fans are behind here.

They slug it out in the middle and it’s a Superman Punch to put Nakamura in trouble. Nakamura is sent to the apron but comes back with a triangle choke over the ropes. That’s rather stupid, though it’s also broken up with a powerbomb. The spear is cut off by a kick to the face and the middle rope knee to the face drops Reigns. Kinshasa gets blocked by a tackle to the face (called a spear) but the second attempt works just fine. Reigns is out on his feet and Nakamura tosses him out for the win at 1:05:29.

Rating: B-. This is one where you’re going to have to think about things for a bit. First and foremost, the winner is a fine choice. Nakamura hadn’t broken through yet and this is the kind of win that can help him do that (it didn’t, but it could have). Second, the last fifteen minutes or so with the final group was great stuff and full of drama as you could see anyone winning.

The problem is everything else, which isn’t terrible but it’s also not too great. The first part barely meant anything with just Balor being there from the beginning until the end. There were a few nice surprises and it doesn’t drag terribly or anything, but you really could skip about the first half hour and not miss much. It’s a completely watchable Rumble but it’s in the middle of the pack at best.

Post match Nakamura (or Shin as Cole keeps calling him because WWE likes to make Cole sound like an idiot) picks AJ Styles for Wrestlemania to really pop the crowd. Sounds awesome to me and for the most part, it was.

Next year’s Rumble is in Phoenix.

The bosses of the show trade bragging barbs. Watching a year later, I can’t believe how stupid these look now. WWE really thinks that we care about these stupid battling brand arguments. I have no idea why, but but that’s been their narrative for years. Stephanie says that no matter who wins the Women’s Royal Rumble, everyone will be surprised. That’s some nice foreshadowing.

We look at the KFC Colonel Sanders Rumble, with Ric Flair reenacting the 1992 Royal Rumble to win the whole thing. I still think this is some fever dream that they managed to record.

Raw Tag Team Titles: The Bar vs. Jason Jordan/Seth Rollins

Jordan and Rollins are defending after winning the belts on Christmas night. It’s pretty clear that Jordan is filling in for the injured Dean Ambrose and that’s not a bad thing. Rollins and Cesaro start things off with Rolling taking over off a flying mare (you don’t see that one very often). It’s off to Sheamus but a quick Cesaro distraction prevents Jordan from coming in, meaning Rollins is driven back into the corner.

An enziguri gets Rollins a breather as the crowd is eerily silent. Cesaro breaks up the hot tag attempt to Jordan and sends him into the post, leaving Rollins to hit a suicide dive on both challengers. The medics are out checking on Jordan, though that might be making sure he doesn’t fall asleep. Cesaro grabs a chinlock, which is the last thing this match could possibly need. Rollins fights up and tries the springboard but gets clotheslined down by Cesaro.

A Demolition Decapitator and a double backbreaker give the Bar two each and Rollins is in big trouble. Sheamus misses a charge into the post though, giving Rollins a breather as Jordan is STILL down. Rollins gets the Blockbuster on Cesaro, followed by the Falcon Arrow for two. Super White Noise is broken up and Jordan is finally on the apron for a tag. He immediately grabs his head though and tags himself out. That’s fine with the Bar, as the spike White Noise gets the titles back at 12:50.

Rating: D. As you probably guessed, this was Jordan’s last “match”. I know he wasn’t the most thrilling guy in the world, but he was getting the hang of things until his neck just gave out on him and there was no coming back. At least he got a nice run and there’s a very real chance that he could get back in the ring one day. It’s not exactly fair to call the match bad….but it was really quite bad and the fans were just gone in a terrible way.

Here’s what’s coming to the Network.

We recap the Universal Title match. Brock Lesnar is a monster, two other monsters are challenging for his title, Braun Strowman is really strong and broke some stuff.

Raw World Title: Brock Lesnar vs. Kane vs. Braun Strowman

Lesnar is defending. Braun starts fast with running splashes in the corner and a running dropkick to Brock, followed by a knee to his head. Brock then UNLOADS on Strowman with right hands which look a lot like receipts from a former UFC Heavyweight Champion rather than working punches. Lesnar shouts something that sounds like SLOW DOWN as Kane gets back up. Brock grabs a chair which is knocked into his face, followed by a toss out to the floor.

Some shots with the steps put Lesnar and Kane down and it’s time for a pair of tables inside. With one set up in the corner, Strowman chokeslams Kane for two with Lesnar making the save. Three rolling German suplexes….don’t do much to Strowman, who powerslams Lesnar through a table for two. Kane shoulders Strowman through the other table in the corner but again, Strowman is right up. A German suplex sends Lesnar outside but he’s fine enough to hit an F5 to send Strowman through the announcers’ table.

With that not being enough, Lesnar turns the other announcers’ table onto Strowman, literally burying him. Another F5 sends Kane through the other announcers’ table, because we need three of them at ringside. Strowman is back up, because of course he is, and Lesnar isn’t sure what to do. Back in and Lesnar takes two powerslams, only to have Kane make the save with some chair shots to Strowman. Lesnar pops up, sends both of them into each other, and F5’s Kane onto the chair to retain at 11:00.

Rating: D. There were some good power spots in there but this match didn’t need to be on the card either. Lesnar won another match that didn’t do anything for him and then walked off with the title for two and a half months, which was the case for FAR too long. I get the idea of keeping Strowman warm but they’re taking way too long to get anywhere.

We recap the Women’s Royal Rumble. Stephanie McMahon announced that we needed one and everyone nodded along because that’s how WWE works.

Women’s Royal Rumble

90 second intervals, Maria Menunos is guest ring announcer and Stephanie is on commentary. As she comes to the ring, the announcers are all over themselves to suck up to her, with lines like “she’s a trailblazer but would never admit it”. Alexa Bliss and Charlotte (reigning Women’s Champions) are sitting at ringside. Sasha Banks is in at #1 and pre-Man Becky Lynch is in at #2 for a feeling out process to start. Neither can grab a submission hold and it’s a double clothesline, allowing Sarah Logan to come in at #3 and pick the bones.

She goes after Becky first but stops to point at the sign, meaning Becky is staying in. A headbutt drops Banks so everyone stands around until it’s Mandy Rose in at #4. The near eliminations abound as Stephanie gets into full on “person having an unnatural conversation” mode with Corey, making her rather annoying in her own right. Lita is in at #5 (in a #timesup shirt) to really fire the fans up for the first time in awhile.

Sasha and Becky stare her down and we get the slugout, which is rather cool when you consider how much of an inspiration she and Trish Stratus were on the current generation. Stephanie talks about how she and Lita were close over the years….and actually mentions CHYNA, which I didn’t think was allowed. Well I guess it’s cool if you’re Stephanie. Mandy is sent to the apron and hits a knee to Lita, who eliminates her without much effort. Kairi Sane is in at #6 and it’s a double spear to Lynch and Banks.

The Insane Elbow hits Banks and there’s one to Becky as Tamina (all in white for some reason) is in at #7. Lita drops her with a DDT because Tamina isn’t very good, setting up Twists of Fate to Lynch and Banks. There’s the moonsault to both of them and Lita throws Tamina out. Becky gets rid of Lita a few seconds later and it’s Dana Brooke in at #8. She goes straight for Sane in the corner….and actually eliminates her in a pretty big upset. Torrie Wilson is in at #9 and we now have to pretend that she was anything more than eye candy because she wrestled fifteen years ago.

Logan dropkicks her down as a TORRIE WILSON chant begins. A backdrop and dropkick to the knee get rid of Dana and it’s Sonya Deville in at #10. That means a kick to the ribs to get rid of Torrie (yes she looked great, and that’s about the extent of her value here). Liv Morgan is in at #11 and we hear about how much she idolized Lita. That likely applies to almost everyone in the match, which is rather cool given that Lita was in the match.

Things settle down again and it’s Molly Holly in at #12 to a rather big reaction. She dumps Logan with ease and there’s the Molly Go Round to Banks. They both fall to the floor (not out) and it’s Lana in at #13. These people are just coming and going at this point with very little other than nostalgia holding things together. Lana takes Liv down with a rather impressive spear and it’s Michelle McCool in at #14.

The fans immediately chant for the Undertaker as Michelle dumps Sonya. Morgan is out as well and Michelle gets rid of Molly with ease. Lana gets back up and is dumped just as well. Becky and Sasha double team Michelle to little avail as Ruby Riott is in at #15. No one can get anywhere and it’s Vickie Guerrero (the obvious comedy spot) in at #16. A bunch of EXCUSE ME’s earn her an elimination and it’s Carmella in at #17, but Vickie blasts her with the Money in the Bank briefcase to leave her laying on the floor.

Natalya is in at #18 (Stephanie: “Here she comes.” Natalya gets “here she comes”?) but Carmella decks her on the floor before it’s time to start the strutting. The Bexploder puts her down though and everyone is on the mat for a breather. Kelly Kelly is in at #19 and opts for some kicks in the corner as Natalya eliminates Michelle.

It’s Naomi in at #20, giving us Sasha, Becky, Riott, Carmella, Natalya, Kelly Kelly and Naomi. A bunch of Rear Views clean house and a kick to the head drops Banks. Sasha gets sent outside (not out, again) but Becky doesn’t have the same luck as Riott gets rid of her. Jacqueline is in at #21 and goes after Kelly as very little is going on at the moment. Nia Jax is in at #22 and gets rid of Kelly and Jacqueline without much effort. Riott gets tossed as well so Naomi fires off kicks. Jax throws her onto the big pile but Naomi lands on the barricade.

As she tries to figure it out, the injured Ember Moon is in at #23 and slugs away with one arm. Naomi walks the barricade and gets to the timekeeper’s area where she steals Menunos’ chair to crawl over to the steps for the improbable save. Back in….and Nia dumps her with ease. With everyone else on the floor, Beth Phoenix is in at # 24 and it’s time for a showdown.

Beth avoids a charge in the corner but can’t get her up in the fireman’s carry. Another attempt works to a big reaction as Natalya gets back in. They can’t get rid of Nia as they knock her to the floor (enough already) instead. Natalya quickly turns on Beth and throws her out as Carmella comes back in. Having this many women on the floor is ridiculous as you can’t remember who is still in.

Asuka is in at #25 to strike away, setting up the big reunion fight with Ember. Moon is fine enough for a one armed Eclipse but Asuka throws her out a few seconds later. So much for that. Mickie James is in at #26 and grabs a neckbreaker on Natalya. A bunch of near eliminations go nowhere and it’s Nikki Bella in at lucky #27, to a strong pop because we live in a random and chaotic universe. There’s a springboard kick to the face to put Banks down and it’s a spear to Natalya. Nikki throws Carmella out but everyone jumps onto the superwoman known as Nikki until Brie Bella comes out of retirement to come in at #28.

That means it’s time for the YES chants and some horrible running knees. The Bellas get their big moment (because they haven’t had one in a few minutes) and Nia is knocked to the floor (say it with me: without being eliminated). Bayley is in at #29 and gets to clean house until Asuka kicks her in the head. Trish Stratus is in at #30, which is quite the moment, though it was always going to be her or Rousey. That gives us a final grouping of Banks, Natalya, Jax, Asuka, James, Nikki, Brie, Bayley and Trish.

After tackling Natalya, we get the Trish vs. Bellas showdown which I think only WWE believes matters. A double Stratusfaction drops the Bellas and it’s time for a real showdown with Trish vs. Mickie. The Stratusphere is blocked so Trish kicks her in the head for the elimination. Nia gets back in so the big beatdown is on with a couple of kicks sending her to the ropes. Everyone gets together for the elimination in a good moment. Sasha dumps Bayley in a bit of a stab in the back and it’s Natalya grabbing a Sharpshooter on Trish.

That’s broken up because it’s a worthless move here, allowing Trish to kick Natalya out to get us to five. Banks goes after Trish, who kicks her in the ribs and does Sasha’s dance (that works). That’s fine with Banks, who kicks Trish out but turns into Asuka. They decide to go for the Bellas but it winds up being all three going after Asuka in a smart move. Banks says she’s ready for Asuka and loads up the double knees in the corner, only to have the Bellas turn on her.

That leaves Asuka and the Bellas (plus probably fourteen women on the floor as you never can tell) with the former firing off kicks to both of them. Brie gets sent to the apron but Nikki cuts Asuka off with the Rack Attack 2.0. A forearm knocks Brie out though as the sisters fight again. Asuka hits the missile dropkick on Nikki but she’s right back with a kick to the face. They both wind up on the apron with Asuka kicking the leg out (barely) for the win at 58:57.

Rating: B-. I remember being confused about what to think of this one last year and that’s the case again here. The legends needed to be there to flesh out the match and while there were some other options (NXT), I can go with this for the sake of history. This was designed to be more of a history of women’s wrestling over the years and there’s nothing wrong with that. They did a great job of making me want to see who was next as it was a nice mixture of all those generations. Having the nice mixture worked well and the right person won, so it’s hard to complain all that much. Stephanie was fine, though rather unnecessary.

Post match Charlotte and Alexa get in the ring to hold up the titles….and here’s Ronda Rousey to a huge reaction because she’s a star that was rumored to be in Columbia for this show. We get the most awkward sign pointing of all time (there’s an art to it) but Asuka won’t shake her hand. A bunch of staring and then high fiving fans, plus a handshake with Stephanie ends the show.

Overall Rating: C+. It wasn’t a very good show, but the two namesake matches delivered well enough and only the Universal Title match was really bad. The big story here was Ronda of course and that delivered (awkward pointing aside) so it’s hard to really call this anything but pretty good. The wrestling wasn’t great overall and, again, the show was way too long but the important stuff worked well and that’s how you get a nice show.

Ratings Comparison

Lucha House Party vs. TJP/Jack Gallagher/Drew Gulak

Original: C

Redo: C

Luke Gallows/Karl Anderson vs. Revival

Original: C

Redo: C

Bobby Roode vs. Mojo Rawley

Original: D

Redo: D+

Kevin Owens/Sami Zayn vs. AJ Styles

Original: B

Redo: C+

Usos vs. Chad Gable/Shelton Benjamin

Original: B-

Redo: D+

Men’s Royal Rumble

Original: A

Redo: B-

Seth Rollins/Jason Jordan vs. The Bar

Original: C-

Redo: D

Brock Lesnar vs. Kane vs. Braun Strowman

Original: B-

Redo: D

Women’s Royal Rumble

Original: B

Redo: B-

Overall Rating

Original: A-

Redo: C+

I don’t remember the last time I was that far off on so many matches. I mean….dang man.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/01/28/royal-rumble-2018-i-had-fun-again/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

Royal Rumble 2018
Date: January 28, 2018
Location: Wells Fargo Center, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves, Byron Saxton, Tom Phillips, Booker T.

The big night is finally here and for the first time ever we have two Royal Rumbles in one night. This time around we have a women’s version to go with the standard men’s version and that opens up the doors for a lot more surprise entrants. Of course it also opens the door for a lot more boring action if the last few Rumbles are any indication. Let’s get to it.

Kickoff Show: Drew Gulak/TJP/Jack Gallagher vs. Kalisto/Gran Metalik/Lince Dorado

Drew takes Kalisto down by the arm to start as the announcers talk about the upcoming 205 Live General Manager. That just earns a few chants from the crowd, which Gulak of course can’t stand. It’s off to Gallagher vs. Metalik with Gran working on the knee until Lince and TJP come in to complete each trio’s ring time.

The announcers discuss dabbing until the villains are all sent outside. The three masked men hit stereo moonsaults from the same turnbuckle (very cool) to the floor as we take a break. Back with TJP kicking Lince in the ribs and handing it off to Gulak, who drops Dorado’s partners off the apron. Now the announcers speculate on the next General Manager, which is much more focused than you would expect from these guys.

Jack cranks on Dorado’s leg as about half of the HUGE group of empty seats opposite the hard camera is filled in. But hey, at least we have a meaningless match going on an hour and a half before the rest show starts. Gallagher goes to the middle rope, pauses to listen to Gulak telling him not to jump, and then misses a dive anyway. The hot tag brings in Metalik for the rope walk into the dropkick to put Gulak down. The rope walk elbow works just as well for two as everything breaks down. Stereo dives take Gallagher and Gulak down, leaving the Salida Del Sol to finish TJP at 13:13.

Rating: C. Take any match between some combination of these guys that you might have seen on 205 Live and add five minutes to get this match. I’m not sure how that’s supposed to entice me to watch a pay per view but I’m sure WWE is smarter than I am on that front. Nothing special here, outside of that triple moonsault that is. This would have been fine as the only dark match but with two more, it could have been cut.

Kickoff Show: Revival vs. Anderson and Gallows

Rematch from Monday where Anderson and Gallows won, followed by the Revival getting destroyed by DX and Scott Hall. The Brian Pillman style trunks don’t really suit Revival but anything is better than Monday. Dawson gets sent outside to start for a breather before it’s Gallows tossing both of them around. Back from a break with Dawson working on Anderson’s knee with a string of elbow drops.

Wilder comes in to crank the knee even more but Anderson keeps kicking him away. Therefore, in a good tag team idea, Revival double teams him to keep the advantage. Now why is that so hard to figure out? Of course the hot tag goes through a few seconds later but at least they were trying. Everything breaks down and Gallows scores with a splash for two. Everything breaks down and the Magic Killer is broken up. Dawson sidesteps a charge to post Gallows and Dash’s chop block is good for the pin on Anderson at 9:11.

Rating: C. Well, it was better than Monday. I’m glad Revival won and now of course we’re likely to have the rubber match tomorrow night because WWE loves their trilogies. The leg stuff was fine here but the break in the middle didn’t do it many favors. At least the right team won though and that helps a lot.

Kickoff Show: Bobby Roode vs. ???

Roode is defending in an Open Challenge answered by….Mojo Rawley. The fans think Mojo sucks as he sends Roode into the corner and actually hammers him down as we take a break. Back with Mojo driving knees in the corner and grabbing a chinlock. Roode fights up and hits a running forearm, followed by a neckbreaker for two. There’s the Blockbuster but the Glorious DDT is countered into a spinebuster. Back up and another Glorious DDT is countered into a backdrop but the running punch is blocked. Instead it’s a regular DDT to retain the title at 7:37.

Rating: D. This could have been on any house show and that’s not good as the Kickoff Show main event. Roode doesn’t have a ton of challengers and a lot of that is due to how so few people were treated as important for the sake of Jinder Mahal. They need some kind of a feud going here and Rawley isn’t the kind of person to do that.

The opening video doesn’t say much out of the ordinary but it does a very good job of setting up the big matches while treating the Rumble win as a big deal. It’s very nice that they gave the match some shine for once because they haven’t exactly treated it like it matters up to this point.

Smackdown World Title: AJ Styles vs. Kevin Owens/Sami Zayn

AJ is defending in a handicap match. The challengers do have to tag and it’s Sami starting for the team. No contact and it’s off to Owens, who hangs on the ropes instead of going after the champ. Sami is already back in as there’s almost no contact in the first minute and a half. AJ wrestles Sami down but it’s already back to Owens, who takes AJ down, runs to the floor and tags Sami back in.

That means a drop down into a dropkick for Zayn as Byron and Graves have ANOTHER stupid argument that completely ignores the match. There’s a backdrop for two on AJ as the fans aren’t sure who to cheer for. Owens comes back in and unloads with right hands before sending AJ into the barricade. Almost all challengers so far. Owens gets in a double stomp and brings AJ into the corner for more right hands. An electric chair faceplant is good for two more and it’s off to the chinlock.

AJ fights up again and gets in a shot to Owens’ ankle, which was banged up on Smackdown in the first place. The Pele is enough to bring Sami back in but the Helluva Kick is blocked with a raised boot. Everything breaks down and Owens monkey flips Styles, who hurricanranas Zayn to the floor instead of crashing to the mat. The Calf Crusher has Owens ready to tap until Sami dives back in for the save.

Owens kicks AJ in the back of the head to knock him into the Blue Thunder Bomb, which of course only gets two (once in a lifetime you see). Another kick to the head puts Sami down this time and the springboard 450 is good for another near fall. They slug it out with AJ throwing Sami to the floor, only to eat a superkick from Owens. The Pop Up Powerbomb is countered into a rollup though and AJ retains (pinning the illegal man) at 16:08.

Rating: B. About what was expected here as there’s only so much you can do when the participants have been treated as background characters. I’m glad Bryan and Shane were left out but the match has been booked to make them the stars, meaning this is likely to continue. Some good action here, but it wasn’t the most thrilling match in the world.

Wrestlemania XXXIV ad.

Sami and Kevin ask Shane what he’s going to do. They can’t have another referee screw Owens out of another title. Shane says that yep, he did indeed see that. Nothing else is said.

Smackdown Tag Team Titles: Usos vs. Shelton Benjamin/Chad Gable

The Usos are defending and this is 2/3 falls after Gable pinned the wrong Uso a few weeks back. In other words, the same ending as the previous match, again showing the limited creative abilities of WWE. Gable can’t hit a German suplex on Jimmy to start so it’s some chops to the chest in the corner. A distraction lets Chad get in a chop block though and Jimmy is in trouble early on.

Benjamin drives knees into the bad knee as the challengers start cutting the ring off for an old NWA feel. Shelton stops to yell at the crowd though and it’s an enziguri to cut him off. The hot tag brings in Jey, who dives through the ropes to take out both challengers in a row. Back in and Gable gets two off a tiger suplex (I haven’t seen that one in years), followed by a powerbomb to send Jey into Jimmy.

Pay Dirt gives Shelton two and the bug eyed look on the kickout is funnier than it should be. It’s back to Gable who moonsaults onto both champions on the floor but Gable can’t pin the illegal Uso. That means a superkick into the Superfly Splash for two in a surprise near fall. The double Superfly Splash is broken up so Gable loads up Rolling Chaos Theory.

That’s broken up as well and four straight superkicks end Gable at 12:21. Gable and Benjamin beat the heck out of both champs to start the second fall. A rolling Liger Kick hits Jey and Chad goes up, leaving Shelton to get small packaged to retain the titles in two straight falls at 13:47.

Rating: B-. That was kind of a surprising ending but it’s not like it really matters. The Bludgeon Brothers (who have kind of disappeared in recent weeks) are pretty clearly the next challengers and it should be a fun match when we get to it. I’m not sure what happens to Benjamin and Gable at this point but they’ve proven to be a good team who deserve more time.

Rumble by the Numbers video.

Jerry Lawler joins commentary for the Rumble.

Men’s Royal Rumble

90 second intervals this year. Rusev is #1 (with Aiden English singing him to the ring) and Finn Balor (in red here) is in at #2 to a very strong reaction. Balor gets sent to the apron early on but gets back in without too much effort. Rhyno is in at #3 and gets in a showdown with Rusev that doesn’t go much of anywhere. Balor is back up and it’s Baron Corbin in at #4 to quickly eliminate Rhyno.

Finn is right behind Corbin though and gets rid of him as well, sending Corbin into a rage. That means Balor is pulled to the floor for a whip into the barricade (shoulder first) and End of Days on the floor to Rusev. Heath Slater is in at #5 and gets run over on the ramp. Everyone is down and it’s Elias in at #6, playing the guitar (and kicking Slater in the head) on the way to the ring.

It’s time for a song about spitting in the Rocky statue’s face but the countdown clock cuts him off. NXT Champion Andrade Cien Almas is in at #7 (running Slater over again as we have a running joke) and a running elbow puts Elias into the corner. The running knees rock Elias again but the hammerlock DDT is broken up. A hard clothesline drops Almas and it’s Bray Wyatt in at #8.

Naturally Slater gets laid out again and there’s a release Rock Bottom to Elias. Balor comes back in to break up Sister Abigail (again, thank goodness). Big E. is in at #9 and gives Slater some pancakes instead of beating him up. Bray is waiting on him with Cole saying Bray has been so dominating since entering. IT’S BEEN LIKE TWO MINUTES!

Rusev is back in but can’t get rid of Almas. Tye Dillinger is in at #10 (again), giving us Balor, Rusev, Slater (still not in the ring), Elias, Almas, Wyatt, Big E. and Dillinger. Actually hang on a second as we cut to the back to see Dillinger getting beaten down by Owens and Zayn. Sami is taking his place and continues the tradition by jumping Slater.

Sheamus is in at #11 and throws Slater in….who immediately eliminates Sheamus (on his BIRTHDAY). Bray dumps Slater almost immediately and it’s Xavier Woods in at #12. Woods and Big E. double team Sami and a wheelbarrow slam into a splash hits Elias. Rusev can’t get rid of Big E. and it’s Apollo Crews in at #13. Apollo gets in a good looking jumping enziguri on Bray as Byron is now anti-Zayn as he tries to show a personality.

Balor escapes Sister Abigail and it’s Shinsuke Nakamura in at #14. Sami is waiting on him in a Takeover: Dallas flashback as the fans sing Nakamura’s song. There are WAY too many people in there and some eliminations are needed. Nakamura fires off some kicks and it’s Good Vibrations for Elias. The running knee in the corner gets rid of Sami and Cesaro is in at #15, giving us Balor, Rusev, Elias, Almas, Wyatt, Big E., Woods, Crews, Nakamura and Cesaro.

Uppercuts abound without much happening and it’s Kofi Kingston in at #16 to put New Day at full strength. Cesaro cuts him off with an uppercut but Crews gorilla presses Cesaro….to the apron at least but he gets back in. Instead a shot to the back gets rid of Crews to thin the ring out a bit. Jinder Mahal is in at #17 and goes after Woods, who dropkicks him into the corner. Woods is dumped a few seconds later though and Mahal gets rid of Big E. as well.

Seth Rollins is in at #18 (now with flames on his tights) and gets rid of Cesaro in short order. Mahal sends Kofi over the top but he lands on Xavier….and then on a plate of pancakes. Big E. and Woods launch him from the floor over the ropes and over Mahal, who gets caught with Trouble in Paradise for the elimination. As the rest of New Day throws pancakes at Mahal, Almas hits the hammerlock DDT and eliminates Kofi in a pretty big upset.

Matt Hardy is in at #19 for a standoff with Bray, which is broken up by Rusev. Bray and Matt actually start working together and get rid of Rusev (the fans are NOT pleased) before fighting each other. They eliminate each other and it’s John Cena at #20, giving us Balor, Elias, Almas, Nakamura, Rollins and Cena.

Everyone jumps Cena at the same time in a smart move but then let him up, allowing him to AA Elias out. The Hurricane of all people is in at #22 (which Cole calls a superhero persona which was a huge hit with kids years ago) and tries a chokeslam but gets tossed out by Cena. Hurricane lands on the pancakes, nearly slips, and then does his pose over and over again on the way to the back. Aiden English is in at #22 and goes after Rollins before switching to Balor.

Adam Cole (with taped ribs) from NXT is in at #23 to a very nice reaction. Balor kicks English off the ropes for an elimination and it’s Randy Orton in at #24. An RKO drops Almas and there he goes after a strong performance. Things settle down a bit and it’s Titus O’Neil in at #25. Cole gets sent to the apron but slides back in, leaving Titus to chop Nakamura in the corner. Miz is in at #26 and starts fast with the YES Kicks, followed by a Skull Crushing Finale on Cena.

Lucky #27 is the returning Rey Mysterio to get rid of Cole in a hurry. The Miz takes 619 and it’s Roman Reigns in at #28. You can feel the pain from the booing. Reigns goes after Miz and hits the jumping clothesline, followed by the clotheslines in the corner. Titus gets eliminated but the Miztourage saves Miz from the same fate. Rollins Curb Stomps Miz but gets into a showdown with Reigns. A DoubleBomb gets rid of Miz but Reigns turns on Rollins to get rid of him as well.

Goldust is in at #29 and hurts himself headbutting Reigns. Cena gets beaten up as well and it’s Dolph Ziggler (POP) in at #30, giving us a final group of Balor, Nakamura, Cena, Orton, Mysterio, Reigns, Goldust and Ziggler. Goldust is out in a hurry and Balor kicks Ziggler out, making him one of the most inconsequential #30s in recent memory. Rey, Cena and Orton get together in one corner, Nakamura and Balor are in another and Reigns is on his own (how appropriate).

Balor takes a quick AA followed by the 619 to Reigns. There’s an RKO to Nakamura but Cena blocks another attempt. A Superman Punch lets Reigns get rid of Orton and a double 619 hits Reigns and Cena (with Cena loudly talking to Reigns while they wait). Balor throws Mysterio out to get us down to four meaning everyone goes to a corner.

We get the big staredown as the fans are behind Nakamura. Cena throws a You Can’t See Me at Balor and hammers on Nakamura while Reigns beats on Balor. That gives us the big showdown as the fans think they both suck. No one throws a punch as Balor and Nakamura get back up, giving us a much better received showdown. The running knees in the corner put Balor on the apron but he kicks a charging Nakamura in the head. Another kick to the head rocks Balor but he scores with a basement dropkick.

Reigns and Cena are back up again with Cena charging into a Samoa drop. The Superman Punch is countered with a ProtoBomb but the Shuffle is broken up with a Sling Blade. Balor hits the shotgun dropkick on Reigns but Nakamura kicks Balor in the face. Balor’s standing double stomp cuts off Kinshasa and Cena tosses Balor to get us down to three. Reigns slips out of an AA and hits the Superman Punch on Cena. The spear is cut off by the AA and Nakamura puts Cena on the apron.

A running kick to the face gets rid of Cena and we’re down to Nakamura vs. Reigns. That means COME ON and Reigns does so with a Superman Punch. Reigns sends him to the apron but gets kicked in the head but Nakamura grabs a hanging triangle over the apron. A powerbomb brings Nakamura back in and they’re both down again.

It’s Reigns up first but the spear is cut off with a kick to the face. A middle rope knee to the face drops Reigns but Kinshasa is hit with a spear to put them both down again. Nakamura grabs the ropes to hang on and another running knee drops Roman, setting up the elimination to give Nakamura the win at 65:32.

Rating: A. Best Rumble in years, though that’s not exactly saying much. The important thing here was they went with a popular name to win the Rumble, which has been lacking in recent years. Nakamura winning really surprised me as I never thought they would actually do it but I’ll take what I can get.

They laid the match out nicely here as things took a little time to get going but the final ten to fifteen minutes were excellent with the final six all being solid options. I wasn’t dreading this one at all and it made the match that much better. This was a lot of fun and the way the Rumble should go, with one of the best endings in a long time. Great match.

The Smackdown bosses are celebrating in the back when Stephanie McMahon and Kurt Angle come in to say Raw will win later. Daniel and Shane (buddies again) don’t seem to care.

Post match Nakamura is asked who he wants to face at Wrestlemania. Fans: “PLEASE SAY STYLES!” Nakamura: “AJ STYLES!”

There was a Royal Rumble to determine the next Colonel Sanders with Ric Flair winning. He has the wrinkles for it.

Raw Tag Team Titles: The Bar vs. Jason Jordan/Seth Rollins

Rollins and Jordan are defending with Seth and Sheamus starting things off. Seth gets driven into the corner with Cesaro offering a distraction to keep Jordan away from interfering. Jordan is ready for the hot tag but Cesaro pulls him down (I thought that was the heel turn) and posts him into near unconsciousness. Back in and Sheamus’ top rope clothesline gets two as the double beatdown is on, made especially worse by Seth’s long Rumble run.

Seth finally sends Sheamus into the post to get it back to even, followed by a Sling Blade and Blockbuster. Sheamus comes back in for the save but Rollins drops both of them for a double frog splash. As Seth gets up, Jordan is STILL sitting on the steps, leaving Sheamus to hit the Brogue Kick. The super White Noise gives us new champions at 13:03. Jordan was never in the match.

Rating: C-. This was an angle instead of a match and there’s nothing wrong with that. For some reason we seem to be waiting on Jordan vs. Rollins at Wrestlemania, even though that doesn’t quite blow my skirt up. The match was stuck in the cool down spot after the great Rumble and that was the right spot for it.

We recap the Raw World Title match. Basically you have three monsters fighting each other and breaking things to hurt each other, meaning it’s time to get violent.

Raw World Title: Brock Lesnar vs. Kane vs. Braun Strowman

Brock is defending and it’s one fall to a finish. Strowman wastes no time in cleaning house, including a hard knee to Brock’s head. That’s fine with Brock who starts throwing punches, only to have Kane score with a chokeslam. Brock grabs a chair but Braun punches it away and drops everyone.

Shots with the steps clean house and it’s time for a pair of tables. Strowman chokeslams Kane for two with Brock making the save and it’s time for Suplex City. Braun pops up like a daisy and powerslams Brock through a table with Kane making the save this time. Kane is tossed away again (it’s almost like he’s completely unnecessary in this match until the ending) and it’s time for the announcers’ table.

Braun takes too long though and it’s an F5 to drive him through instead. Brock turns the other table over Braun (Corey: “I’m about to throw this German guy in front of me!”) and F5’s Kane through another. Braun gets up again and sends Brock into the steps, followed by the powerslam. Kane makes the save and sends Braun outside, setting up an F5 onto the chair to retain Brock’s title at 10:12.

Rating: B-. Well duh. The world knows that Braun is ready to be World Champion and should have been like six months ago but Vince McMahon and seemingly Vince McMahon alone wants to see Reigns take the title from Brock. Again, as has been the case many, many times: none of this is important because we’re just sitting around waiting on Reigns to take the title like we’ve been waiting for for nearly a year now. After that, I have no idea where they go and I’m not sure WWE does either. This was fun, but exactly as expected.

Trailer for Andre the Giant’s HBO documentary.

We get a video on the women’s Royal Rumble with a focus on the Revolution (and Stephanie of course) with everyone talking about how important this is.

Maria Menunos is guest ring announcer and Stephanie McMahon is guest commentator, with Cole reading off her resume (and saying Stephanie will tell you about her trailblazing). Alexa Bliss and Charlotte come out to watch at ringside.

Women’s Royal Rumble

Sasha Banks (in Wonder Woman gear) is in at #1 and Becky Lynch is in at #2 to give us a good start. Becky blocks an early elimination attempt and we talk about how nervous Stephanie is. The Bank Statement is broken up and it’s a double clothesline as Sarah Logan is in at #3. Logan clotheslines Becky down but Sasha makes a questionable save. Becky gets stomped down in the corner and it’s Mandy Rose in at #4. Mandy can’t get rid of Sasha and it’s LITA in at #5.

Sasha and Becky aren’t sure what to do so they opt with kicking her in the stomach. Mandy jumps Lita from behind and gets placed on the apron, followed by a hard shot for the first elimination. Kairi Sane is in at #6 and chops Lita into the corner as Cole talks about her “yacht persona”. She’s not Ashley Remington (bet you didn’t think I knew that one) because SHE’S A FREAKING PIRATE! Sane kicks Sasha down and drops the Insane Elbow, followed by another to Becky as Tamina is in at #7.

Lita starts hitting the Twists of Fate and hits a double moonsault onto Sasha and Becky (more like her falling backwards instead of any kind of jump but give her a break). That means the YOU STILL GOT IT chant before she eliminates Tamina, only to get dumped by Becky. That’s all this needed to be from Lita and it worked to perfection. Dana Brooke is in at #8 and actually dumps Kairi before stomping on Sasha in the corner.

Torrie Wilson is in at #9 (oh give me a break) and it’s time to prove why she wasn’t a wrestler. Logan dropkicks her down but Torrie pops up and eliminates Dana. Sonya Deville is in at #10, giving us Banks, Lynch, Logan, Wilson and Deville. Sonya starts firing off knees and gets rid of Torrie (thank goodness). Liv Morgan is in at #11 so the Squad can start getting together. No one is tossed though and it’s Molly Holly in at #12.

Molly gets rid of Logan and hits the Molly Go Round on Sasha. Lana is in at #13 and is immediately taken down by Morgan and Deville. She actually gets fired up and slaps her way to freedom as Michelle McCool is in at #14. That means an UNDERTAKER chant as she gets rid of Logan, Morgan and Holly. Sasha and Becky are down on the floor (not eliminated) as Michelle gets rid of Lana as well. With Michelle alone, Becky and Sasha get back in and it’s Ruby Riott at #15, giving us Michelle, Becky, Sasha and Ruby.

Vickie Guerrero is in at #16 and shouts EXCUSE ME over and over but everyone stares her down. She tries to bail and is tossed with ease (I guessed that as a comedy spot and it’s as perfect as I thought it would be). Carmella is in at #17 but Vickie takes the Money in the Bank briefcase to knock her silly. Natalya is in at #18 and throws her gear on Carmella, who pulls Natalya off the apron. That’s enough for Carmella to get in for some superkicks and it’s Kelly Kelly in at #19. Kelly fends off an early elimination as Natalya gets rid of McCool.

Naomi is in at #20, giving us Banks, Lynch, Riott, Carmella, Natalya, Kelly and Naomi at the moment. Becky goes up for some reason and gets dumped by Riott. Jacqueline is in at #21 and goes after Kelly. Nia Jax is in at #22, meaning it’s time to clear the ring. Jacqueline is out first, followed by Kelly with ease. Natalya is sent outside (through the ropes), leaving Nia to press Riott onto the top turnbuckle and then out to the floor. Naomi goes after Nia’s legs but tries a hurricanrana.

Nia knocks her off the apron but the pile catches her, allowing Naomi to land on the barricade. NXT Women’s Champion (with a bad arm) is in at #23 with a springboard kick to Nia’s face. Nia sends her flying as Naomi is walking across the barricade to steal Maria’s chair on wheels. She then crawls across the floor using her hands and the wheels on the chair….only to have Nia catch her coming back in and toss her out. I smiled at the irony. Beth Phoenix is in at #24 and this could be a lot of fun.

Phoenix is a lot closer to Nia’s size than I expected and manages a fireman’s carry but can’t eliminate Nia. Natalya’s help doesn’t work very well as they knock Nia through the ropes. That means a hug and of course Natalya turns on her and gets rid of Beth. Carmella (never eliminated) comes back in to jump Natalya from behind….and it’s Asuka at #25. There’s the hip attack to Carmella and it’s time for the showdown with Ember Moon.

Ember actually hits a one armed Eclipse but Asuka goes after the bad arm and gets rid of her. Sasha (also never eliminated) gets back in and it’s Mickie James in at #26. That goes nowhere and it’s Nikki Bella getting lucky #27 (well duh). That means the JOHN CENA SUCKS song but Carmella takes Nikki into the corner for the Staten Island Shuffle (not the Moon Walk Stephanie). Nikki powers her up though and a neck snap across the top rope gets rid of Carmella.

Brie Bella is in at #28 to save her sister from a big beatdown. The Bellas get their big moment (their latest one for those of you who have lost track) and knock Nia off the apron. A double suplex puts Natalya down and it’s Bayley in at #29. Asuka kicks Bayley in the head in short order but can’t get rid of her. It’s Trish Stratus in at #30 (not exactly shocking and that’s not a bad thing) to give us a final group of Sasha, Natalya, Nia, Asuka, Mickie, Nikki, Brie, Bayley and Trish.

Stratus gets to clean house and hits a double Stratusfaction before getting into a showdown with Mickie. James misses a charge and gets tossed, meaning it’s time for everyone to go after Nia. She shrugs them all off but the Bellas choke her on the ropes, allowing everyone else to join in and get rid of Nia. Sasha of course turns on Bayley for the elimination and we’re down to six.

Natalya puts Trish in the Sharpshooter for some reason and is broken up just as quickly. The Chick Kick eliminates Natalya but Trish mocks Sasha’s Boss pose, meaning the Stratusfaction is broken up to get rid of Stratus. Sasha turns around to meet Asuka but they decide to get rid of the Bellas….for all of three seconds until Sasha decks Asuka from behind. Sasha calls the Bellas off so she can beat on Asuka in the corner but the Twins dump her out as she tries the double knees.

So we’re down to the Bellas and Asuka and it’s time for the YES Kicks to both Twins (there’s a joke there that I’m not touching). Brie gets sent to the apron but Nikki decks Asuka, followed by the Rack Attack 2.0. Nikki decks Brie to get rid of her though and it’s down to two. Asuka is on the apron and hits a missile dropkick but Nikki’s spinning middle rope kick catches her in the face. Nikki puts her on the apron for the big forearm….which doesn’t end it. Instead Asuka grabs a headscissors to put Nikki on the apron but Asuka kicks kicks her in the leg for the elimination to win at 58:47.

Rating: B. I know a lot of people are going to be annoyed about the amount of legends (and the amount of botches) in there but my goodness what else were you expecting? The women’s division is about twenty people deep and I’d rather have people like McCool, Lita and Trish in there to give us either a good performance or appearances from people who are legitimate trailblazers (not McCool obviously but she did quite well). I was surprised by the lack of NXT names but what we got was fine, save for the Iconic Duo still not appearing.

The match itself was fine, albeit a bit predictable. You knew Asuka was the heavy favorite and really, it’s not like there were many other solid options. Aside from Jax, who really else was there? Banks or Lynch? Well maybe, but Asuka getting the title needs to be a big deal and one of those two can take the other title. Either way…..uh, back in a minute.

Oh and Stephanie’s commentary was annoying but acceptable. She didn’t need to be there and added nothing at all but she could have been worse. Sounded very much like a fan who wasn’t the most polished but it was fine.

Overall Rating: A-. I loved the heck out of this show as they made the Rumbles FUN. That’s been sorely, sorely lacking in recent years and they made up for it tonight. The Rumbles are interesting by definition but above all else, these matches were a good time as I kept waiting to see who was coming out next. I was actually worried about Reigns and Nikki winning so well done on some false drama. This did everything it needed to do, including setting up a major Wrestlemania match. I had a great time with this show and that’s what the Rumble is supposed to be. Well done all around and a great show.

Results

AJ Styles b. Sami Zayn/Kevin Owens – Rollup to Owens

Usos b. Chad Gable/Jason Jordan – Small package to Benjamin

Shinsuke Nakamura won the Royal Rumble last eliminating Roman Reigns

The Bar b. Seth Rollins/Jason Jordan – Super White Noise to Rollins

Brock Lesnar b. Kane and Braun Strowman – F5 to Kane

Asuka won the Royal Rumble last eliminating Nikki Bella

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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AND

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Royal Rumble 2017
Date: January 29, 2017
Location: Alamodome, San Antonio, Texas
Attendance: 52,020
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves, Byron Saxton, Mauro Ranallo, John Bradshaw Layfield, David Otunga, Tom Phillips

The aisle is crazy long and would require a cart to bring some of the wrestlers to the ring during the Rumble. There’s something cool about that, on both fronts actually.

Kickoff Show: Naomi/Nikki Bella/Becky Lynch vs. Alexa Bliss/Mickie James/Natalya

Nikki and Natalya start things off with Natalya doing You Can’t See Me. That means a slap to the face and there are so few people being so quiet that you can hear what the women are saying. Bliss comes in and gets caught with a facebuster for two. It’s off to Naomi for half of a double dropkick with Nikki’s part not even coming close. Nikki and company hit a triple suplex to send them outside, followed by a dive from Naomi as we take a break.

Back with Becky clotheslining Natalya and hitting a running forearm in the corner. They head outside with Mickie getting in a cheap shot to drop Becky, allowing Natalya to snap a suplex to really take over. Back in and Becky gets driven into the corner again, allowing Bliss to choke a bit. Mickie adds a hard kick to the face as the announcers argue over whether or not cheating is smart.

A Michinoku Driver plants Becky but Natalya can’t get Suplex City (Her words. Well Lesnar’s words, though JR said it about thirteen years earlier.). Instead it’s a double clothesline so Naomi can come in and clean house. The still dumb looking dancing kicks drop Bliss as everything breaks down. A kick to the head sets up the split legged moonsault to give Naomi the pin on Bliss at 9:39.

Rating: C-. The lack of a crowd either in their seats or really interested in this one hurt it a lot but the work wasn’t terrible. The women’s division had gotten so much better by this point that you could trust them to go out and have a match like this, though the stories need to be stronger. I’m really having an issue caring about Nikki never getting to marry her dream husband and complete her fairy tale story but I’m not exactly the target audience.*

Kickoff Show: Raw Tag Team Titles: Sheamus/Cesaro vs. Anderson and Gallows

Sheamus and Cesaro are defending and there are two referees due to some screwy finishes as of late. The crowd is MUCH better now, making the place look like there’s an actual audience for the show. Cesaro dropkicks Anderson at the bell for two and a gutwrench suplex gets the same less than thirty seconds in.

Gallows loads up a cheap shot from the apron but the second referee catches him, making the gimmick actually work. Sheamus grabs a Regal Roll into Cesaro’s jumping double stomp for two more but Anderson is back up with a kick to the face to take over. It’s off to Gallows, who is quickly kicked down so the champs can take him into the corner. This has been mostly one sided so far but Gallows gets in a backdrop for a breather. Not that the fans seem to care for the most part though.

A big boot knocks Sheamus off the apron and we take a break. Back (after the commercial has been cut from the Network) with Cesaro suplexing Gallows and rolling over to bring Sheamus back in. The ten forearms to the chest have Gallows in trouble and a top rope clothesline gets two. Super White Noise gets the same but Gallows shoves Sheamus away and makes the hot tag to Anderson.

The second referee won’t allow some cheating so Swiss Death gives Cesaro two. A 619 and a high crossbody give him the same but Anderson kicks him down again. Sheamus breaks up the Magic Killer and a referee eats a Brogue Kick. The second referee comes in to see Cesaro put Anderson in the Sharpshooter, only to have Gallows break it up with a kick to the face. Everything breaks down again and it’s a Magic Killer for Sheamus, followed by a rollup with tights to pin Cesaro at 10:28.

Rating: C+. Nice power fight here with both teams hitting each other rather hard. That’s all this needed to be, though I could go for adding a different style in there. Power vs. power isn’t going to work all that well in the long term but at least they had a good match here. These title changes didn’t really matter though as it was all going to change when the Hardys came back. No one knew that yet though and at least we had something good here.

Kickoff Show: Nia Jax vs. Sasha Banks

Nia injured her a month or so ago and tonight is about revenge. Sasha doesn’t have her knee brace on as Nia drives her into the ropes and easily shoves off a headlock. A rope walk springboard goes just as badly as Banks can’t get anything going early on. Jax runs her over and we take an early break.

Back with Sasha trying a standing Bank Statement and having it broken up with ease. Jax grabs a Brock Lock and swings Banks around until a rope can be grabbed. Sasha finally avoids a charge to send Jax into the post, followed by the top rope double knees for two. Sasha comes up holding her knee though and the pop up Samoan drop puts her away at 5:13.

Rating: D+. This was just a step above a squash and really only served to keep Nia around. Banks is going to be fine after a loss like this while Nia still doesn’t have the big defining win (which would still be the case a year later). There was no need for this to be on pay per view though and it could have easily been done on Raw. That’s never a good sign.

And now, a nearly four hour show. I know I say this a lot but I’m almost gassed just watching that Kickoff Show. There’s really no need to do it this way, especially when you have the horrible empty stadium for the first match.

Completely standard opening video, though they do play in the cool “Remember the Rumble” tagline to show off a lot of the famous clips. If there’s one thing WWE does well, it’s look back at their own history. The rest of the matches get some time as well with each one having something to remember as well.

Raw Women’s Title: Bayley vs. Charlotte

Charlotte is defending and still has never lost a singles match on pay per view. Bayley gets wrestled down to start as Charlotte grabs a front facelock. The fans seem split here despite giving Bayley a heck of a reaction on her entrance. Charlotte heads outside for no apparent reason, allowing Bayley to grab her by the hair and snap her over the middle rope (basically a Stunner) to take over. A headscissors gets two and it’s already time to hit the stalling.

Bayley makes the mistake of going outside and gets kicked into the steps as she doesn’t have much of an answer for Charlotte’s power game. Back in and Charlotte slams Bayley’s face into the mat a few times but makes sure to throw in a quick pose (that’s the Flair in her). We hit the chinlock with Charlotte’s hair falling over Bayley’s face, giving us a rather odd visual of Bayley as a blonde. A knee drop gets two on Bayley and Charlotte is getting annoyed at Bayley sticking around.

Yet another kickout off a neckbreaker makes the frustration even worse so Charlotte does her figure four necklock into the face plants on the mat. The flips to send Bayley back first into the mat make it even worse as Charlotte is completely dominant so far. Charlotte stops to mock Bayley though and a heck of a slap cuts the champ off. A battle of the chops goes to Charlotte (well duh) but Bayley bounces out of the corner with an armdrag. A springboard crossbody (with a few too many bounces) drops Charlotte again and a jumping spinning Downward Spiral (not bad) does it again.

The top rope elbow (which looked awesome on impact) gets a very close two and you can feel the crowd breathe on the kickout. Charlotte (who might be bleeding from the mouth) kicks the knee out though and the Figure Four goes on. The referee catches her grabbing the ropes though and both women are down. Charlotte is up first but her moonsault only grazes knees to give Bayley two. Bayley goes up but gets shoved off to the floor in a heap. As she gets back in, Natural Selection onto the apron retains the title at 13:01.

Rating: B-. Bayley was fighting here but came up short, which is exactly how her character needs to go. For some reason WWE didn’t quite get this and instead put the title on her two weeks later in a nothing Raw match, ignoring the idea of building her up as an underdog. Charlotte was her usual awesome self here and that makes for a fun match, though the future didn’t go the way it should have. At least the first match was solid though.

The shark cage is lowered. This might require an explanation.

We recap the Raw World Title match. Roman Reigns had come close to taking the title from Kevin Owens but Chris Jericho interfered to cost Reigns the match. Therefore it’s time for a rematch with Jericho in a one man cage (the shark cage) above the ring. Jericho is of course scared of heights so this should be fun. It would be a better idea if they hadn’t done it in NXT not too long before this.

Raw World Title: Roman Reigns vs. Kevin Owens

Owens is defending and this is No DQ. Jericho takes his sweet time getting into the cage (as he should) and is still not in even when Reigns comes out. The Canadians try some double teaming and knock Reigns into the cage all, only to have Reigns fight them off (and the fans are really, REALLY not pleased) and send Jericho into the cage to get us going. The cage is raised like a sexy pinata (Jericho’s very accurate term for himself) and Owens jumps Reigns from behind.

They waste no time in fighting out to the floor and then into the crowd with Reigns hitting him in the ribs with a metal stand. Back to ringside with Owens being bounced off the German announcers’ table but coming back with a whip into the steps. Owens pulls six chairs from underneath the ring and sets up four at ringside, two by two. A monitor shot to the ribs sets up the Cannonball against the barricade and Owens continues to be over like free beer in a frat house.

With Reigns down, Owens sets up two more chairs on top of the four he already had. One more is placed on top but of course the powerbomb and suplex attempts don’t work to prevent a broken back. Back in and Reigns sends him shoulder first into the post before loading up a table. That’s enough to make the fans cheer Reigns (I’m as shocked as you are) but a Backstabber gives Owens two.

Another Cannonball, with Owens mocking Reigns’ spear pose, is countered into a powerbomb. The apron dropkick rocks the champ again as this has been better than I was expecting so far. They’re beating each other up quite well and it’s pretty entertaining, despite Jericho being a non-factor so far. They head outside with Reigns getting superkicked onto a table, setting up a frog splash from the top to the floor in a big crash.

That’s only good for two (well duh) so Owens dedicates a chair shot to Jericho and gets another near fall. A chair is wedged into the corner because wrestlers never learn a thing. Owens scores with a superkick and manages to send Reigns into the chair as I’m not sure what to think. It’s not like that’s never worked before but it’s about as rare as Jericho eating crab cakes and goat’s milk.

With that not working, Jericho tosses Owens some brass knuckles but Reigns blocks the Superman Punch. Roman’s Superman Punch gets two and a Samoan drop through the chair is good for the same. You would think being driven THROUGH A CHAIR would be a big time match but since this is modern wrestling, something that big is now just a regular move. It’s the price you pay for all the big spots and violence.

Roman puts another table in the corner before another Superman Punch gets two. A spear is countered into a Stunner of all things but Reigns kicks out again. We continue the Austin homage with a mudhole stomping and a Cannonball (not so much Austin) as Owens is getting frustrated. That makes him do something dumb, like trying a superplex through that pile of chairs.

Reigns breaks that up and Superman Punches Owens through the pile instead for a very loud crash. A powerbomb puts Reigns through the announcers’ table but here’s Braun Strowman to beat the heck out of Reigns. Roman is sent into the post, followed by the running powerslam through the table in the corner to retain Owens’ title at 23:27.

Rating: B+. This was better than I was expecting and while it feels like a similar ending to Randy Orton vs. John Cena from Royal Rumble 2015, it’s still a good way to keep the title on Owens for the time being. They had a very good power brawl and Owens retaining is the right move, especially with the feud with Strowman getting a big boost. Jericho was barely a factor and that’s a good thing given that they were about to split in the near future.

To really fill in time, we’re doing a countdown of the thirty greatest moments in Rumble history, starting with 30-16 (or 30-15 as Cole puts it). Well kind of as the list is actually 30 facts, which is kind of Rumble By The Numbers.

30. Bret Hart was the first entrant

29. 870 people have entered

28. 3 women have entered and each has eliminated at least one man

27. 23 people have won, meaning 98% of the entrants are losers

26. 4 Rumbles have been in Texas

25. California and Florida have held 5 Rumbles each

24. 507,102 fans have seen the Rumble

23. Rey Mysterio lasted longer than anyone ever at 1:02:12

22. Edge won the Rumble in 7:37

21. Santino Marella was eliminated in 1 second

20. The longest time in a single Rumble without winning is Bob Backlund with 1:01:10

19. HHH has spent the most time in the Rumble with 4:06:08.

18. 46 Hall of Famers have competed

17. 9 Hall of Famers have won

16. Mick Foley entered the Rumble 3 times in 1998

Raw boss Stephanie McMahon mocks Raw underling Mick for Strowman interfering when Smackdown bosses Shane McMahon and Daniel Bryan come in. They roll the tumbler so Sami Zayn can come in and pick his number, which of course takes some time. Before Sami can open his ball, Dean Ambrose comes in searching for churros. He gets a number but is off to take a nap until he’s due in the Rumble. After going to a crowd shot of watching this in the arena (erg), Sami gets #8.

Austin Aries joins commentary for the Cruiserweight Title match.

We recap Rich Swann vs. Neville. Swann is the Cruiserweight Champion but Neville has declared himself the King of the Cruiserweights. That’s completely accurate and it’s time for Swann to take a heck of a beating and give up a title that doesn’t belong to him. This is about as obvious of an ending as you’re going to get. They throw in some history between the two with Neville mentoring Swann both in Japan and here in America. That’s better than nothing and more than I would expect from a match like this, even if Neville winning is pretty much guaranteed.

Cruiserweight Title: Neville vs. Rich Swann

Neville is challenging and stops himself from doing his usual entrance because the fans don’t deserve it. That’s a nice touch and makes him feel different instead of the same guy who just happens to be a villain now. Feeling out process to start until Swann flips over Neville and misses a dropkick.

Neville gets sent outside for a dive but is fine enough to drive Swann right into the corner. A missile dropkick sets up a jackknife cover for two and Neville stands on Swann’s head. Neville wants to know if this is it and gets crucifixed for two. Back up and Neville forearms the heck out of Swann for two more and we’re off to the chinlock. The comeback is enough to have Neville take him outside for some whips into the barricade.

Back in and Neville comes up the top, diving straight into a superkick to the jaw. That one looked awesome and both guys are down. Another kick to the jaw and a super hurricanrana sets up a Phoenix flip dive to the floor to put Neville in trouble. They head back inside with Swann hammering away before getting two off something like a Warrior splash.

Neville isn’t down enough that he can’t crotch Swann on top. He also can’t hit the superplex but settles for a hard superkick to stagger the champ. Rich’s spinning kick to the head gets two as Neville gets his foot on the ropes. Swann again takes too long to get up top, allowing Neville to superplex him into the Rings of Saturn for the tap to make Neville champion at 13:29.

Rating: B-. They were beating the heck out of each other in a better than average match. Instead of having Neville squash him in relatively short order, Swann got in some offense, only to eventually not be good enough to overcome the King of the Cruiserweights. This was entertaining, but Neville is going to need some better challengers.

We recap AJ Styles vs. John Cena. Styles defeated Cena twice in a row last year, including with one clean pinfall. Then Cena said he wanted to challenge the champion at the Rumble and since he’s John Cena and one title shy of tying Ric Flair’s record, the match was made.

Smackdown World Title: AJ Styles vs. John Cena

Cena is challenging and has the black shorts on here so you know it’s a big night. AJ scores with a kick to the leg so Cena clotheslines him to the apron. Cena gets in a few right hands but charges into a boot in the corner to let AJ take over. Back to back knee drops have Cena in trouble but AJ stops to yell at the crowd. A third knee, this time with a You Can’t See Me, misses and Cena is right back with a backdrop.

AJ sticks the landing on an AA though and there’s an enziguri to put Cena down again. There’s a hurricanrana and Cena doesn’t seem to know what to do with Styles. The running seated forearm gives AJ two more but Cena punches him in the face. The Shuffle is broken up though and AJ grabs a wheelbarrow facebuster to put Cena down again. AJ hits the Phenomenal Blitz, only to have Cena hit that hard running clothesline for a breather that he uses when he needs a breather.

Now the Shuffle connects but it’s way too early for the AA. AJ grabs a torture rack into a spinning powerbomb for two more and we get a bit of a pause. They’re doing a good job here of going with the slower pace to build things up here, which is exactly what they should be doing.

The Phenomenal Forearm misses and it’s an AA for two. Another hard running clothesline gives Cena two more but he charges into a Pele to the shoulder. Now the Forearm connects for two more as they’re even in the near falls off the finishers. AJ starts firing off the hard kicks to the chest and Cena doesn’t seem like he’s breathing very well. One too many kicks earns him an electric chair into a faceplant though and Cena is right back into it.

They slug it out with JBL describing AJ as blocking every punch with his face. Apparently that’s fine enough to reverse a right hand into the Calf Crusher but of course Cena reverses into the STF to a nice round of applause. At least they respect some wrestling abilities. Somehow AJ reverses that into an STF of his own but Cena powers to his feet. Instead of an AA though, it’s off to a Figure Four on the champ (because we must praise Flair, though it’s appropriate here).

AJ pulls himself up though and tries a cross armbreaker, which of course is countered into a powerbomb for two. Cena goes up top for the Fameasser but gets powerbombed out of the air. Now the Styles Clash is good for two as the fans are feeling the near falls (as they should with the match picking WAY up in a hurry). Code Red gives Cena two more, followed by AJ’s fireman’s carry backbreaker for the same.

Something like a swinging Big Ending (called a cutter by Mauro) gives Cena two more so it’s time for the big guns. Cena busts out the super AA…….for two. You can see the look of disbelief on Cena’s face and now the fans aren’t sure what to think. The Styles Clash gives AJ his own near fall but Cena counters the Phenomenal Forearm into back to back AA’s for the pin and the title at 24:01.

Rating: A. This took its time to build up and it’s one of the best matches of 2017. Cena using raw power to start but eventually learning what AJ was going to throw at him and adapting made for a great story. He couldn’t win with the mega power move either, eventually having to counter AJ to beat him. That builds on their previous matches and it’s a classic match as a result.

Cena celebrates. JBL: “Man that was good!” Yeah pretty much. Cena heads into the crowd and hands the title to a Make-A-Wish kid because he’s that awesome.

We look at Seth Rollins invading Takeover: San Antonio to call out HHH, who cost him his spot in the Rumble. HHH said Rollins needs to be careful what he wished for. Worry not though as STEPHANIE will be on Raw tomorrow night to deal with Rollins. I’d be terrified too.

Jerry Lawler comes out for commentary on the Rumble.

Back to the Rumble by the Numbers.

15. Only 16 of the 30 possible numbers have won

14. 7 winners are from 1-10

13. 4 have been from 11-20

12. 19 have been from 21-40

11. 27 is the lucky number

10. 1 and 2 have produced 4 winners

9. 1 and 2 have been the final two entrants twice (1995 and 1999)

8. Only one person has won from the same number twice (Batista at #28)

7. Kane has entered the most Royal Rumbles

6. Kane has the most career eliminations

5. Roman Reigns has the most eliminations in one match

4. The World Title has been on the line twice

3. Three men have been runner up twice (Cena, Big Show, HHH)

2. Five men have won twice (Cena, HHH, Hogan, Shawn Michaels, Batista)

1. Only Steve Austin has won three Rumbles

Royal Rumble

Two minutes intervals and it’s Big Cass in at #1, meaning Enzo Amore gets to do the full entrance. We’re just that lucky I guess but the fans are still eating it up at this point. Since everything is bigger in Texas, it would make sense for Big Cass to win here tonight. We hear about some of the bigger names but Cass is going to toss all of them out because Cass is like HBK in 1995. Chris Jericho is in at #2 as his bad luck in the Rumble draws continue (this is his third time as #2).

Cass tosses him down with a fall away slam but an early Empire Elbow misses. The Walls are broken up and it’s Kalisto in at #3 after only ninety seconds. A springboard dropkick staggers Cass and a regular one drops Jericho. Cass can’t powerslam Kalisto and it’s some kicks to cut Cass down again. Mojo Rawley is in at #4 as we’re not even three minutes and fifteen seconds in yet. Corey: “Smackdown Live’s resident blithering idiot.” Lawler: “That’s an insult to blithering idiots”.

Cass takes Rawley into the corner while the other two are down on the apron. Jericho breaks four hours in the Rumble to give him the all time record as Jack Gallagher is in at #5. The length of the aisle really becomes an issue here as Jack takes forever to get to the ring. Once there though he cleans house with the umbrella, including a low blow to a posing Jericho. One heck of a toss sends Kalisto to the mat and it’s Mark Henry in at #6.

Everyone is down when his music hits but Gallagher has enough time to get up and stomp on Jericho by the time he gets there. Gallagher’s headbutt just annoys Mark so he tosses Jack through the ropes (not an elimination). Jack does his Mary Poppins dive with the umbrella and is promptly eliminated. Braun Strowman is in at #7, taking twenty five seconds from the start of his music to get to the ring. Jericho hides on the floor (Jericho: “HE’S HUGE!”) as Strowman gets rid of Mojo, Cass, Kalisto and Henry, the latter after a battle of the giants.

Sami Zayn is in at #8 and is stupid enough to charge into the ring and slug away as fast as he can. Sami stops a charge with a boot but tries a suplex for some reason. Strowman misses a charge into the post but comes right back with a running splash in the corner as Big Show is #9 (to a VERY strong reaction, oddly enough).

We get the big, long walk to the ring where Sami is down in the corner and Jericho is still on the floor. Strowman clotheslines Show down without much effort but a chokeslam cuts him down. Jericho picks now to come back in and is promptly punched down, leaving the giants to lift each other up for failed slam attempts. Strowman manages to muscle Show out though and is the only one standing. The debuting Tye Dillinger is #10 (in the perfect (ten) entrance), giving us Jericho, Strowman, Zayn and Dillinger. Tye goes straight at Strowman with forearms and left hands as Sami gets up to help him slug away at the giant.

They get suplexed down without much effort though and it’s James Ellsworth in at #11. He and Carmella run to the ring (in a relationship that was never explained) but don’t get in, allowing Tye and Sami to pull Strowman to the apron. Dean Ambrose is in at #12 and tricks Ellsworth into charging in on his own where Strowman eliminates him in all of ten seconds. That’s better than I was expecting. Dean gets in but can’t do much with Strowman (well duh) but Tye and Sami get back up to help Dean out. That earns them all running clotheslines in the corner and it’s Baron Corbin in at #13.

That means four on one on Strowman, who shrugs them all away. Strowman dumps Tye but Sami grabs him by the beard for a breather. A Helluva Kick rocks Strowman and Corbin gets rid of the monster after a star making performance. Dean hits a quick Dirty Deeds on Corbin but doesn’t try to eliminate him. Dean never was the smartest guy in the world.

Kofi Kingston is in at #14 and the countdown is on to the cool save. Kofi gets knocked into the ropes and Corbin does his slide underneath the ropes into a clothesline on Dean. The Miz is in at #15 (thankfully with Maryse), giving us Jericho (STILL on the floor), Sami, Ambrose, Corbin and Miz at the moment.

A Skull Crushing Finale drops Dean but Miz doesn’t go for the elimination. Deep Six cuts Miz off as the crowd oddly dies for a bit. For no logical reason, Kofi climbs to the top of the post but gets knocked down onto his chest. He still manages to hang on though and scores with Trouble in Paradise on Corbin. Sheamus is in at #16 and it’s time for some powerslams. Miz backs away from Sheamus but gets caught in the ten forearms to the chest. Jericho gets back up and is promptly Brogue Kicked down.

Big E. is in at #17 and it’s a quick abdominal stretch on Miz, allowing for some spanking. If that’s what he’s into I guess. The ring is getting too full and Rusev (with a broken nose) makes it even worse at #18. Right hands have Dean in trouble but no one is seriously close to being eliminated.

Sheamus gets in a hard knee on Miz and it’s Cesaro in at #19. It’s an early Swing to Miz and a second to Sami. Jerry: “Use him as a weapon!” Ambrose and Kofi are swung as well, followed by Big E. and Corbin but Rusev saves Sheamus from the same fate for some reason. You might notice a lot of names being swung and that’s because there are WAY too many people in the ring.

Xavier Woods is in at #20, giving us Jericho, Zayn, Ambrose, Corbin, Kingston, Miz, Sheamus, Big E. Rusev, Cesaro and Woods. We’re two thirds of the way into the match and over half of the people are still in. New Day beats Sheamus up and Woods has to save Kofi from an elimination at Miz’s hands. A pair of boots rock Miz but he’s not going anywhere yet. Bray Wyatt, with the lights going out, is in at #21 and the Fireflies coming out during the match is a cool visual.

Miz gets the release Rock Bottom and house is cleaned until Woods stares Wyatt down in a call back to Woods being terrified of Bray. Woods is sent to the apron and Kofi is put there next to him. Big E. saves his buddies from Cesaro and Sheamus as Apollo Crews is in at #22. Crews’ standing moonsault hits Miz as this is looking like a regular battle royal rather than the Rumble. Big E. pulls Woods and Kofi back inside but Sheamus and Cesaro get rid of all three of them at once to let the ring breathe a bit. Sheamus tries to dump Cesaro but Jericho runs in to get rid of both of them. Well the ring is certainly emptier in a hurry.

Randy Orton (of the Wyatt Family because reasons) is in at #23 with a quick RKO to Corbin and Rusev. Sami goes up top for some reason and dives right into another RKO. Dolph Ziggler is in at #24 and superkicks abound. The fans are begging for Goldberg to come in and get rid of some of these people but have to settle for Luke Harper at #25. We have five spots left and Goldberg, Undertaker and Brock Lesnar still to go. Harper gets rid of Crews but stops for a staredown with Orton. Wyatt has to play peacekeeper until Harper clotheslines Bray down. Orton breaks up Sister Abigail on Bray with an RKO as the ring is too full again.

Brock Lesnar is in at #26 and now we can get rid of some people. Ziggler and Ambrose are tossed with ease and it’s Suplex/F5 City. Everyone is down and the fans want Goldberg at #27. Instead it’s Enzo Amore in at #27 and I’ll let you figure out what happens. Graves: “THIS MAY BE THE GREATEST MOMENT OF MY LIFE!!!” Brock throws some suplexes until Goldberg is in at #28 for the big showdown. A spear and a clothesline get rid of Lesnar in all of fifteen seconds, stunning both the crowd and commentary at once. Sami eats a Jackhammer and Orton/Wyatt take a double spear.

Goldberg is the only man standing and it’s Undertaker in at #29 to a ROAR. Thankfully he appears in the ring instead of doing the ridiculously long walk down the ramp. Cole: “THIS IS A MOMENT!” Well those are what matter more than anything else. Corbin and Rusev break up the showdown and are promptly eliminated. A spear takes Undertaker down but Goldberg turns his attention to eliminate Harper, allowing Undertaker to dump him. Undertaker chokeslams a few people and it’s Roman Reigns at #30 (imagine the booing) to give us Jericho, Sami, Miz, Wyatt, Orton, Undertaker and Reigns.

That means another staredown and Reigns wins the slugout. The fans are LIVID and call this BS until Undertaker stops the Superman Punch with a chokeslam. Undertaker dumps Miz and Zayn like they’re nothing but takes too long calling for a Tombstone, allowing Reigns to dump him. That earns Reigns a glare to set up the Wrestlemania main event.

Jericho is dead so Reigns tosses him without much effort, giving Jericho the most meaningless hour run in Rumble history. Reigns is left alone with Orton and Wyatt with the double teaming starting in short order. The hanging DDT plants Reigns but Superman Punches get Roman out of trouble. Wyatt is eliminated but it’s an RKO and a clothesline to send Orton to Wrestlemania at 1:02:08.

Rating: D. And that’s being pretty generous. There are tons of problems here, but we’ll start with all the midcarders who were around forever and did nothing. Here are some of the people who weren’t going to win but were in the match for at least twenty minutes each:

Sami Zayn (47:12)

Dean Ambrose (26:55)

Baron Corbin (32:39)

Miz (32:44)

Rusev (22:31)

Those five names combined for one elimination. That’s a crazy amount of time to basically do nothing. If they’re not going to be factors (and none of them were as they were almost all glorified cannon fodder), don’t leave them out there go clog up the ring. It doesn’t do Sami any good to be out there for forty five minutes and do nothing, just like it doesn’t help Miz to be there for half an hour so people can beat on him. Jericho was a potential winner and stayed in there over an hour (spending a lot of it on the floor) but what good is an hour stay if he’s tossed out like he’s nothing after a mere two eliminations?

That brings us to the second problem: the three big names. This match was built around Goldberg, Brock Lesnar and Undertaker (the three of them and Cena are dead center on the post) and they combined to get rid of TEN people (over a third of the eliminations) despite being in the match for less time combined than any of the five names mentioned above. None of them made the final four but they cleared the way for the grouping. That’s some really bad planning and a lack of drama, especially when it makes everyone left look life afterthoughts. Let one of them be there as a dragon for the winner to slay at the very least.

Throw in a lack of meaningful surprises (Reigns was the only name of value not announced in advance) and no nostalgia to be seen (but we needed Apollo Crews and Dolph Ziggler to combine for ten minutes in the ring and not get rid of anyone) and there was very little to care about for the biggest part of the Rumble. Strowman stuff was fun, but after him there was a FIFTEEN MINUTE stretch with no eliminations. This was a terribly planned out Rumble and managed to turn one of the most entertaining matches of the year into something incredibly boring.

Overall Rating: C+. It says a lot when the Royal Rumble is the only bad thing on the show. Other than that, the worst match is…..I guess the women’s match? This show was rather awesome but the Rumble itself was such a mess that it brings the rest of the show way down. This was a good show that cold have been great and I have no idea how they thought that was the right idea with the Rumble. That should usually be the most important thing on the show but it felt like something they threw together here, which really misses the point. Fix the Rumble and it’s a classic. As it is, it’s just good.

Ratings Comparison

Naomi/Nikki Bella/Becky Lynch vs. Alexa Bliss/Mickie James/Natalya

Original: C

Redo: C-

Sheamus and Cesaro vs. Anderson and Gallows

Original: D+

Redo: C+

Nia Jax vs. Sasha Banks

Original: C-

Redo: D+

Bayley vs. Charlotte Flair

Original: C+

Redo: B-

Kevin Owens vs. Roman Reigns

Original: B

Redo: B+

Rich Swann vs. Neville

Original: C+

Redo: B-

John Cena vs. AJ Styles

Original: A-

Redo: A

Royal Rumble

Original: C+

Redo: D

Overall Rating

Original: B+

Redo: C+

That Rumble rating is ridiculous. Most of the rest of the matches are in the same ballpark though and that’s a good thing.

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/01/29/royal-rumble-2017-i-can-go-with-that/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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Monday Night Raw
Date: August 28, 2006
Location: Boardwalk Hall, Atlantic City, New Jersey
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We’re well on the way to Unforgiven and last week John Cena threw Edge into the rather contaminated water. Odds are that is going to set up something for the pay per view, which is in Edge’s hometown of Toronto this time around. Other than that, we’ll be seeing more of the McMahons vs. DX because eight months isn’t enough of that feud. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

This was on the Sci Fi Channel for a special edition.

We open with a recap of DX tormenting Vince McMahon over and over.

Here’s Shane McMahon to get things going. Shane says DX has gone too far this time because they have endangered his father’s sanity. After last week, Vince McMahon just laid on the couch saying DX over and over. Therefore, Shane has recommended that Vince take the night off so he is in charge. That’s why tonight, DX is going to be in tag team action for the first time since their reunion and they will find out who they are facing later.

Cue Edge and Lita, with Edge demanding that Shane do something about John Cena. We see a clip of Cena throwing Edge into the Long Island Sound last week so Edge wants Cena fired tonight. Cue Cena, who says that if he is fired, the last thing Edge will remember is being thrown in the water. That’s not a happy ending and…..yeah you can imagine the jokes on that one.

Edge wants Cena gone, so Cena has an offer. He pulls out a three year Smackdown contract and all it is going to take is Edge beating him in one more title match. Edge agrees, but he gets to pick where the match takes place and what kind of a match it is. That’s fine with Cena, who goes to leave, but Shane says Cena has a match first. That’s cool with Cena too, so here’s his opponent.

John Cena vs. Chris Masters

This is Masters’ first match back in about three months and he looks a bit leaner. We’re joined in progress with Cena suplexing him for two and then suplexing him for two. Masters nails a running clothesline and starts hammering away, followed by a powerslam for two of his own. We hit the reverse chinlock but Cena is back up with the shoulders and ProtoBomb. The FU is countered though and Masters grabs a reverse DDT. The Masterlock is countered into the STFU but here’s Edge with a chair to Cena for the DQ.

Rating: D+. This didn’t have time to go anywhere but the bigger problem is we didn’t see Masters all year and I don’t think I realized he was gone. Masters isn’t someone who has made any kind of an impact and it didn’t exactly showcase him well here. The match wasn’t going to matter in the first place, but Masters’ future isn’t exactly looking bright.

Post match Edge hits Cena with a ladder and throws him through a table in the corner. That’s because at Unforgiven, it’s a TLC match for the title.

Charlie Haas/Viscera and Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch offer their services to Shane against DX but he has it covered. With the teams gone, Shane calls Vince, who is having a great time at the hotel suite. Room service arrives…..and it’s a bunch of roosters, because this joke is continuing and DX has a chicken farm when they’re out of the ring.

Carlito is with Trish Stratus and wants to know when she is going to tell him she’s retiring at Unforgiven. She isn’t happy with Lita apparently leaking the story but he calms her down and kisses her. Cue Randy Orton to jump Carlito and knocks Trish down in the process.

We look at Umaga putting Kane on the shelf.

Torrie Wilson vs. Candice Michelle

Back To School paddle on a pole match so they’re schoolgirls this week. They fight over going for the paddle as Lawler is having all the fun you would expect. Candice rips off her top and Torrie rips off her skirt but the Stink Face is broken up with a bite. Candice grabs the paddle to win.

Spanking ensues post match.

This Week In Wrestling History: the main event Summerslam 1992. What a pop on that pin.

Randy Orton vs. Jeff Hardy

For the #1 contendership to the Intercontinental Title after Kane was hurt last week. Orton jumps him at the bell and hammers away in the corner but Jeff does the same. A clothesline puts Orton on the floor and Jeff hits a springboard corkscrew dive. We take a break and come back with Hardy fighting out of a chinlock and sending Orton outside for a suicide dive.

Back in and a belly to back suplex drops Orton to put both of them down, setting up the legdrop between Orton’s legs. The middle rope dropkick gives Jeff two (JR: “This referee has been slower than government aid to New Orleans.”) but Orton is back with the backbreaker. Hardy goes up but gets dropkicked out of the air. A neckbreaker drops Orton again though he’s fine enough to roll away before the Swanton. Cue Carlito to send Orton back in and spit the apple in his eye, setting up the Swanton to give Hardy the pin.

Rating: C. Hardy winning the title shot makes sense as you need to establish him as a big deal again. Carlito vs. Orton isn’t exactly thrilling, though is anything involving Carlito all that interesting? Hardy and Orton always have good chemistry so the match being fine was hardly a surprise.

Shane McMahon and the cops come in to see DX with Shane ordering them to stop the pranks. HHH makes choking the chicken jokes and points out various horrible things Vince has done over the years (with Shane giving a nod to each because they are some rather awful moments). One of these is having an I Quit match with his daughter before she married a man with the world’s largest….and let’s cut that off for a McMahon DVD plug.

Tag Team Titles: Jim Duggan/Eugene vs. Spirit Squad

The Squad is defending and the Highlanders are on commentary. Eugene atomic drops Mikey to the floor to start, where the Squad gets into a fight with the Highlanders. That’s enough for the rest of the Squad and the Highlanders to be ejected but the remaining Squad is fine enough to suplex Eugene. Some stomping in the corner doesn’t last long as Eugene fights up and brings in Duggan to clean house. Mikey sends him into the exposed buckle though (because the buckle was exposed somewhere in there) and grabs a rollup with trunks for the pin.

Rating: D. What else were you expecting here? The Highlanders are going to be fine for some one off challengers but that’s all they were ever going to be. It’s not like Eugene and Duggan were serious threats to the titles here so getting them in and out was the right way to go when the champs aren’t exactly fascinating in the first place.

Post match here’s Umaga (JR: “We might have a Katrina like tragedy here!”) to lay out Eugene and Duggan. Armando Alejandro Estrada laughs at Kane’s injury from last week.

We look at Mick Foley being humiliated and fired last week.

Here are Johnny Nitro and Melina for a press conference. They’re here to talk about Melina turning on Foley last week and….what else did you expect her to do? Look at who she is standing next to. Nitro says everyone wants to be him for one night because he goes home, gets freaky with Melina, and cuddles his Intercontinental Title. That kills Mick Foley, because he wants to do what Nitro does every night.

The last person that Melina would ever associate with is a quitter like Foley. Melina talks about how Foley wanted to be her friend, but she knows better than that. To make it clear, she NEVER let Foley touch her. Ugh, he drives a minivan! There is no way she would ever leave Nitro for a smelly one eared Muppet like Foley! Nitro tells Foley to enjoy his 19^th retirement and write his blog while he does things Foley never could do. No further questions. It’s nice that they explained Melina’s side, but the story still feels weird.

JR and King talk about Kurt Angle’s release, which felt like quite the surprise.

Post break, JR and King talk about Lita leaking the news that Trish Stratus was leaving after Unforgiven. We see the Trish/Carlito/Randy Orton segment from earlier.

Women’s Title: Lita vs. Mickie James

Lita is defending after taking the title from James two weeks ago. JR: “Mickie James makes Lindsay Lohan look somewhat sane.” They go to the floor to start with Lita ramming her into the apron and taking it back inside to bend the knee around the rope. An enziguri gives Mickie two and a bridging northern lights gets the same. Lita goes for the title but gets kicked away, allowing Mickie to get two more off a rollup. With nothing else working, Lita grabs a rollup and the rope to retain.

Rating: D. This was nothing as Lita wasn’t exactly on fire in the ring at this point. The match didn’t get any time and it was about half spent on rollups, including the finish. The deal with Lita leaking Trish’s retirement should tell you where things are going but this wasn’t quite the best way to make Lita look more interesting.

We look back at Edge attacking John Cena.

D-Generation X vs. ???

After DX’s signature material and a joke about Vince McMahon and a chicken, Shane comes out to introduce the opponents.

D-Generation X vs. Mr. Kennedy/William Regal/Finlay

Joined in progress with Shawn fighting out of Regal’s chinlock but getting sent to the floor for a clothesline from Finlay. Cue the Leprechaun, and JBL being gone takes so much away from the moment. Back in and the villains take turns stomping away, followed by Finlay’s clothesline giving Regal two. Shawn manages to send Finlay shoulder first into the post though and the hot tag bring in HHH to clean house. Kennedy knocks HHH down but misses the Swanton, allowing DX to put Kennedy on the floor. Regal hits Finlay in the face with a chair by mistake and the Pedigree is good for the pin.

Rating: C. Standard main event tag match here and that’s all it needed to be, as DX continues to run through everyone save for the McMahons themselves. The ending wasn’t clean so it isn’t like it hurts Regal and Finlay in any serious way. The McMahons aren’t going to be done with them yet so this was a step towards a bigger match in the future.

Post match Shane sends out the Big Show and the other villains get up to beat DX down. Cue Vince McMahon with a lead pipe to bust HHH open. Shawn gets the same and Vince chokes with a cable cord. Vince grabs the mic and says they’re getting back in the ring with DX again. This time though, the Big Show is joining them inside the Cell. Maniacal glaring and a lot of bleeding end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. They didn’t have much on this show itself, but they set up a lot of things for the future and that is one of the best things that could be done. Unforgiven is coming up in just a few weeks and they go the two big matches set up tonight. That’s a nice way to build up Unforgiven in a hurry and if they can put together a few more matches that come close to that level, the show could wind up going very well.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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