Impact – May 5, 2011 – Well They Couldn’t Be Good Forever

Impact
Date: May 5, 2011
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Taz
Episode Title: The Network is Coming

We’ve got two weeks before Sacrifice and things are starting to take shape before the PPV.  The main thing from last week to carry over here is the possibility of Angle’s mistress being revealed.  Aside from that though there really isn’t much to talk about for tonight’s show.  I’d assume some more matches will be officially announced for the PPV but that’s about it.  Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of the Network issues as Hogan is ticked off about the whole thing.  The episode is called The Network is Coming.  Gee that doesn’t sound familiar at all.

We open with Sting and RVD coming to the ring and see that Immortal is in the ring waiting on them.  Snow, Diamond and Brown come out to prevent the fight which the fans want to see.  Hogan says that if Sting knows something about the representative, tell him right now.  There’s going to be a representative here next week and he, no SHE will be here to talk to Hogan face to face.

Hogan tries to charge Sting and Van Dam but D’lo Brown holds Hulkster back.  That doesn’t last though as Immortal jumps the agents and the fight is on.  Fourtune comes out to even the sides and clear the ring.  Roode takes the mic and says the usual stuff about Fourtune building the company and Hogan/Bischoff cashing in on their work.  He thought he knew Hogan but this Hogan has no pride.  Roode earns his pay and puts food in his kids’ mouth.  He’s a blue collar worker and has earned what he has.  What has Hogan earned?

Roode references Jay Lethal’s recent release (called a firing here) and says that Lethal was a guy that did what he asked every single week.  I guess that means when he actually got on TV.  Roode says his name is Bobby Roode and things are going to start to change next week.  Nice to see someone get some mic time in Fourtune other than Daniels or Styles.

The Jarretts get Velvet out of the shower and say Hogan has let them issue an ultimatum and she needs to get to the ring now.

Matt Hardy says he was/is one half of the best tag teams of all time.  He’s going to give someone a call and that person is going to come and the two of them will challenge Beer Money for the tag titles.

Suicide vs. Sangriento

Suicide controls to start until Sangriento (means bloody or bloodthirsty) gets a DDT onto the apron.  And of course a random masked luchador is nothing at all like Sin Cara in the slightest.  Sin Cara is an actual superstar in Mexico as opposed to a made up character here.

Suicide hits his usual unique offense which can’t keep Sangriento down though.  Middle rope dropkick to the back of the head and a rana from the middle rope both get two for Sangriento.  Suicide fights back and tries his half breed cousin of the Angle Slam.  Sangriento counters and gets a cool looking move as he springboards off the middle rope (think a Lionsault) but goes backwards into a cutter to end this at 3:50.  Cool ending.

Rating: C. Not much of a debut here but the ending was a fairly unique move which is hard to pull off in today’s product.  Sangriento is probably going to wind up meaning nothing like the majority of the X-Division guys.  Either way though, cool move by taking a guy already on the roster (Amazing Red) and giving him something new to do.

Hogan and Bischoff try to figure out who the representative is and think it could be Flair.  Sting said the one coming next week was female but also said that it was a representative and not necessarily the representative so that’s not a plot hole.

Back with Mexican America in the ring and it’s time for their Cinco de Mayo celebration.  They talk about the history of the holiday which is in memory of the Mexican army winning a major battle.  Sarita calls in the Spanish announce team and say bring their own tequila, which they happen to have.  The team is Hector Guerrero (Eddie’s big brother) and Willie Urbina (not sure on the spelling of that).

Anarquia doesn’t like Urbina because he’s Puerto Rican and not Mexican.  They take him down and Hector isn’t happy.  Anarquia looks a lot like Chavo.  The heels threaten Hector and Ink Inc of all people come out for the save.  They say get out and hold up the flag.  I guess we’re just supposed to forget the issues they were having when Shannon was being a jerk?

Christopher Daniels/AJ Styles vs. Bully Ray/Gunner

Gunner is being pushed as the stopper for Immortal.  Ray and Daniels start but Daniels tags out almost immediately to let AJ fight Ray but the Bully runs off to bring in Gunner.  The good guys work over Gunner until Ray interferes and we enter the tag team formula.  Mickie is defending the title against Tessmacher later tonight.  She gets a title match why exactly?

After Daniels gets beaten down for a bit it’s hot tag to AJ who cleans house, hitting the springboard forearm to Gunner.  Pele looks to set up the springboard 450 but Ray breaks it up and everything breaks down.  The fans want D-Von as Ray gets his chain.  Tommy Dreamer runs in for the save…..and piledrivers AJ for the DQ.  Tommy Dreamer has turned heel and this is a no contest instead of a DQ for no apparent reason.  Ray says good choice and Dreamer doesn’t look happy.  Match ran about 4:10.

Rating: C. Not a terrible match here but dude…..Tommy Dreamer?  So AJ is now feuding with the ECW guys?  At least they let Gunner do most of the work as he isn’t that bad in the ring.  AJ vs. Ray could be a pretty good blowoff match if they let them fight.  Other than that though, nothing of note to see here.

Back and Dreamer is MAD.  He’s wrecking everything in sight and won’t talk to anyone.  I’m guessing he wasn’t doing that because he wants to.

AJ can’t feel his fingers and they’re looking for a doctor and ice.  Fourtune thinks this is about EV 2 or something but they’re not sure.  AJ says either they get answers or Dreamer is taking a beating.

Matt is on the phone and Ray comes up.  Ray wants to know how “he” is doing and Matt says good.  Ray says Dreamer did what he has to do to keep himself in this company.  That makes things seem a bit better.  It’s gotten so bad for Immortal they have to get TOMMY DREAMER to help them?

The Jarretts and Velvet are up next.

Winter gives pills to Angelina and says soon she won’t need them anymore.  Winter talks about their souls connecting when they first met which Angelina doesn’t remember.  She’s crossed eons of time to find her again and Angelina will remember soon.  She kisses Angelina on the cheek and says come with her.  This might not end well.

Here are the Jarretts for their weekly continuance of this feud that will not die.  They call out Velvet and say that every Knockout has been a champion other than her.  I guess the tag titles don’t mean anything.  More slut accusations are made by the Karen who says that Velvet is sleeping with Kurt to get herself noticed.  Velvet denies it and makes fun of Karen like last week.  She’s never been champion but that’s her goal now.  Velvet says she has business to take care of so Karen makes more fun of her for it and somehow makes Winter/Angelina vs. Velvet.

Winter and Angelina come out but before we get going here’s Kurt for more talking.  Apparently the Network has made the main event a mixed handicap match with Angle/Velvet vs. Jarrett/Angelina/Winter.  Is there anyone in TNA that can’t make matches?

Bischoff is ticked off in the back when Terry and Murphy come up and say they can help.  Eric is all ticked off and makes them fight with the loser leaving TNA.

Back and Crimson is looking for Joe with a metal object in hand.

Rob Terry vs. Murphy

They slug it out to start and a clothesline doesn’t really hurt either guy.  Loser leaves TNA/Immortal remember.  Murphy takes over until Terry fires back with raw power to a moderate face pop.  Other than that the crowd doesn’t seem to care.  Half belly to back suplex/half chokeslam by Murphy and he goes up top and a top rope clothesline gets two.  The announcers say loser leaves Immortal so I’m not sure which it is here.  Terry more or less Hulks Up and hits a modified Jackhammer to end this at 3:20.

Rating: D. So?  Really, so what?  I guess at the same time this gets rid of Murphy so that helps a bit.  Nothing of note here as it was just a quick battle of power.  There’s nothing to say here but I guess it lets Terry, who has more potential than Murphy, stick around and have something to do.

Hogan says both of them are out of Immortal.  Ok then.  He and Bischoff keep brainstorming on who the network person could be as they’re running out of time.

Joe is just getting here an hour and 22 minutes into the show.  Crimson pops up with a sledgehammer and says the next time someone is beating Joe down he’ll turn his head just like Joe did last week.  Joe says he never asked for help.  Crimson says stay out of his way or else.  Joe wants to know if that’s a threat and Crimson says take it however you want to.

Knockouts Title: Miss Tessmacher vs. Mickie James

Tessmacher takes the glasses off and bends over to pick them up.  Well it’s not like she’s here for her in ring abilities.  Basic stuff here as Tessmacher does gymnast stuff while Mickie walks her through the match.  Victory Roll gets two for Tessmacher and she fires the worst enziguri I’ve ever seen for two.  Off to the arm by Tessmacher for a bit before Mickie makes her comeback with a bunch of clotheslines.  Neckbreaker sets up a terrible looking jumping DDT to end it at 3:52.

Rating: D. Match sucked, girls were hot.  That sums up the entire match as that’s the entire reason Tessmacher was out there.  Mickie can’t really do much with this kind of opponent, especially with her shoulder not being 100% still.  I can’t imagine what Tessmacher is going to do but she looks good so I can’t complain that much.

Madison and Tara come out and Madison wants a rematch for the title.  Mickie says cool but Tara’s freedom is on the line too.

Brian Kendrick, Generation Me and Amazing Red are ticked off about Lethal being fired and are going to see Bischoff about it.

The aforementioned X guys come up to Eric who is getting coffee.  They want to know what they have to do to get a shot.  Eric says he cares about them and says their solution is to grow about a foot and a half and throws coffee on Kendrick.  So we’re using the Eddie Guerrero situation in WCW as a storyline now?

We hear from Sting and RVD about the match at Sacrifice.  RVD says he deserves a title shot and Sting says he respects Van Dam.  Anything can happen there.  Somehow that took three minutes to say.

Winter/Angelina Love/Jeff Jarrett vs. Velvet Sky/Kurt Angle

This actually gets big match introductions including a slow bell ring.  Winter vs. Velvet to start us off and it’s off to Angelina quickly.  Nothing Velvet does hurts her until a spear puts Angelina down.  Velvet gets in Karen’s face which lets Angelina get up and get a boot in as we take a break.  Back with Angelina working on Velvet some more and a double team suplex takes Sky down again.

Off to the guys and Jarrett blocks the Angle Slam with an armdrag to take over.  Sunset flip is rolled through into the ankle lock and Jarrett kind of taps but it doesn’t count.  Karen tries to cheat and Kurt pulls her in as he pulls Jeff out from the ropes.  Velvet tags herself in to get at Karen but the other chicks beat her down before Karen gets hurt.  Double DDT takes the two chicks down and actually gets the pin on Winter at 8:15 including commercial.

Rating: D. Another weak match here as nothing of note happens as we’re still waiting to get to the point with the reveal of the chick that Angle has so that we can set up a mixed tag or whatever to continue this already far too long feud.  Nothing special here at all and a really weak main event.

Kurt says the chosen one is here next week and isn’t Velvet.

Hogan and Bischoff are still talking about the network guy and their car has “You’re Next” spraypainted on it.  The X guys are behind it and apparently did it with even Eric saying it’s not Goldberg.

Overall Rating: D. Not the worst show TNA has ever done but at the same time there was a lot of stuff here that bored me to death.  The Jarretts/Velvet stuff is going nowhere really and seems like it’s just padding before we get to something.  Again they’re setting up for an Impact rather than the PPV which usually makes for a really lackluster PPV, which is never a good thing.  Everything is kind of in neutral at this point as we wait for the reveal of a network executive, who I’m assuming is the big one next week, even though they left a door open to continue it.  Weak show here after a string of good ones.

Results

Sangriento b. Suicide – Springboard Cutter

AJ Styles/Daniels vs. Bully Ray/Gunner went to a no contest when Tommy Dreamer interfered

Rob Terry b. Murphy – Spinebuster

Mickie James b. Miss Tessmacher – Jumping DDT

Kurt Angle/Velvet Sky b. Angelina Love/Winter/Jeff Jarrett – Sky pinned Winter after a DDT

4 comments

  1. Nick says:

    Please tell me I wasn’t alone in wanting to jump through the screen and apply a muzzle the mouth of Velvet Sky.

  2. ernesto rodrigues says:

    “So we’re using the Eddie Guerrero situation in WCW as a storyline now?”

    -Tommy Thomas Hall-

    You are assuming people STILL remember an angle from WCW that was 11 or 12 YEARS AGO?!?!??

    When you assume something…

    klunderbunker Reply:

    Did I say it was a bad thing?

  3. ernesto rodrigues says:

    It sounds like you were saying it was a bad thing. The way you structured that sentence with a question mark me think that you thought it was a bda idea.