Monday Night Raw – March 21, 1994: It’s Like The 80s Exploded. And It’s Bad.
IMG Credit: WWE
Monday Night Raw
Date: March 21, 1994
Location: Mid-Hudson Civic Center, Poughkeepsie, New York
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Randy Savage
It’s the night after Wrestlemania X and that means Bret Hart is the WWF World Champion again but his brother Owen is waiting on him. Owen pinned Bret completely clean last night, setting him up as the almost automatic #1 contender to the title. That could make for a very fun spring and summer so let’s get to it.
Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.
Opening sequence.
Vince and Randy run down some of the card, including a Bret appearance. As it should be on the night after Wrestlemania.
Quebecers vs. Bushwhackers
Non-title and the first match after Wrestlemania. You know, because reasons. The Bushwhackers jump them while Johnny Polo is still conducting the theme song, giving us the required funny face. There’s a little too much whacking going on though as the Quebecers jump them from behind, only to have the Bushwhackers bite them on the pants. A pair of double clotheslines puts Jacques on the floor and Pierre down as we’re still waiting on any kind of tag match to break out.
Butch hits Luke by mistake as Vince apologizes for the ten man tag being cut due to time last night. Pierre hits Polo by mistake as well as things finally start to settle down to Butch headlocking Jacques. Luke comes in to do the same and it’s off to a quickly broken chinlock. A tag brings in Pierre, who gets pulled down in all of a few seconds so we take a break.
Back with Luke in trouble with Jacques slamming Pierre onto him for two. That means some trash talk from Jacques, who backdrops Pierre onto Luke for another near fall. Now why can Jacques throw Pierre around better than either Bushwhacker? Maybe he’s on the wrong team. Luke gets in…I think an armdrag to take Pierre down and the hot tag lets Butch come in for some house cleaning. The Battering Ram drops both Quebecers so Luke hobbles after Polo, allowing Pierre to knee Butch in the back for the pin.
Rating: D-. I was a big Bushwhackers fan back in the day but my goodness this was a chore to sit through. It’s kind of hard to get interested in one of their matches in 1994, especially against the Tag Team Champions. The ending wasn’t even anything special and it felt like it went on forever. The tag division was such a mess at this point and the Bushwhackers being the best option is all the proof you need.
Post match Polo says they can beat anyone so Captain Lou Albano comes out to issue a challenge for the titles from a mystery team. Sure, why not. Oh come on Johnny, act as smart as you are.
IRS gives us some reasons why people are tax cheats, such as they like to watch the national debt rise.
Tatanka vs. Chris Hamrick
Hamrick is semi-famous from the last few months of ECW. The announcers waste no time on getting into the news jokes of the week. Tatanka backdrops Hamrick to start and sends him into the corner for some chops. Hamrick gets sent outside for a crash and then gets pulled back in. Make up your mind Tatanka.
A suplex and powerslam connect as Vince talks about Michael Jordan playing baseball. Tatanka works on the arm because this just hasn’t gone on long enough yet. Some right hands give Hamrick some hope until he misses a charge in the corner, meaning it’s time to hit the warpath. The Papoose To Go finally finishes Hamrick.
Rating: D. Well, at least it was a little bit shorter. Tatanka seems to be ready for a push around this point, which is a little surprising after he already lost his undefeated streak last year. This was a pretty dull match and the commentators’ jokes didn’t exactly make things any better. But what else were they supposed to talk about?
Wrestlemania Report, again looking at the celebrities and the upcoming reairing.
Diesel vs. Ken Lucia
Joined in progress with Diesel hitting a flying clothesline (a big spot for him) and putting on a neck crank. The good looking side slam plants Lucia and it’s a Jackknife for the pin with one foot on the chest. Total squash, as it should have been.
Next week: Lex Luger vs. Rick Martel. Egads it’s almost hard to watch how far Luger fell.
Here’s Bret Hart for his first chat as champion. Vince recaps how he won the title and Bret admits that things didn’t start well yesterday but they certainly ended great. He’ll fight anyone, anywhere anytime, including Yokozuna. Ever the buzzkill, Vince brings up the loss to Owen but Bret has no excuses. It was just one match but Owen won it fair and square. Things are a bit different now because Bret has the title, which sounds like he’s up for a rematch.
Jeff Jarrett vs. Koko B. Ware
Normally I’d make fun of this for being the post Wrestlemania main event but they’re both in the Hall of Fame. An early hiptoss puts Koko down and Jeff is able to have a rest on the top. The fear of Koko flapping his arms (like a bird you see) sends Jeff bailing out to the floor. Back in and Jeff is smart enough (he is known to point at his head) to avoid a charge in the corner and a dropkick has Koko in more trouble. A suplex and clothesline drop Koko again but he avoids a middle rope elbow and starts the comeback. Koko hits an elbow for two and is almost immediately DDT’d for the pin.
Rating: D. Well what else were you expecting? Jarrett was hardly interesting in the first place and now you put him in there against Koko B. Ware? The country music thing wasn’t working and I think everyone knew it but that didn’t stop them from running with the exact same idea for YEARS. Oddly enough, it never actually worked. Who would have seen that coming?
Post match Jarrett gets in Jarrett’s face and it’s almost time to fight, complete with Savage waving his fists around like an 1890s boxing parody. Randy grabs for his foot and then gets inside for some right hands, sending Jeff running. Koko’s music plays and it’s so odd to see Randy celebrating to that song.
Ads for WWF Greetings On Call, where a wrestler can call and say something like Happy Birthday, Get Well or something similar. A video version of that could make a rather tidy sum today.
A quick preview of next week’s show wraps us up.
Overall Rating: F+. So the best things about this were…..I guess Diesel’s squash and Bret’s promo? If that’s all you have going for you on what should be on a pretty eventful show, you’re kind of in trouble. I know the Raw after Wrestlemania wasn’t quite the big thing that it would become but egads man. Could you give us something other than the Bushwhackers, Koko B. Ware and Michael Jordan jokes?
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