Monday Night Raw – March 7, 1994: The March In March

IMG Credit: WWE

Monday Night Raw
Date: March 7, 1994
Location: Mid-Hudson Civic Center, Poughkeepsie, New York
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Ted DiBiase

We’re coming up on Wrestlemania X and that means things are starting to come together. The Hart Brothers are still at it but Bret and Lex Luger are both after the WWF World Title. It’s one of the best pay per views ever so it should be interesting to see to see how we get there. Let’s get to it.

We open with a quick recap of Randy Savage vs. Crush, the latter of whom teams up with Owen Hart to face the Smoking Gunns.

Opening sequence.

Ted DiBiase comes out for commentary and we run down the card.

Smoking Gunns vs. Crush/Owen Hart

They’re starting big this week. The fans are all over the villains here, so at least they’re doing their jobs. Nikolai Volkoff is in the front row as part of a story that would get rather dumb, mainly because it involves Volkoff in 1994. Owen goes outside to break some Bret Hart glasses and we’re ready to go. Bart and Owen exchange shoves and a hiptoss takes Hart down. It’s already off to Crush, who is greeted by the USA chants because the fans aren’t that bright.

Some shots to the back just send Bart up top for a spinning high crossbody and the tag brings in Billy. Crush, likely annoyed at….whatever is likely annoying him at the moment, throws Billy into the corner and hands it off to Owen. Just like earlier, this doesn’t go quite so well until a cheap shot from the apron lets him get in a suplex. The fans want Bret (I thought they were all about the USA) but have to settle for Crush hammering away at Billy in the corner as he ignores a tag request from Owen.

A side slam gets two and now it’s off to Owen for the always good looking missile dropkick as we take a break. Back with the hot tag bringing Bart back in for the backdrop on Owen and a right hand on Crush. Bart’s powerslam gets two as everything breaks down. Crush chop blocks Bart to break up what looks like a powerbomb and Owens slaps on the Sharpshooter for the win.

Rating: C. Not a bad match at all here as two of the biggest heels in the company at the moment get to beat a good team to really make them look better. The Gunns were scheduled for a ten man tag at Wrestlemania but really, it’s not like the match was going to mean anything in the first place. This was fine for what it needed to accomplish

Post match Owen asks Crush to save a little piece of Bret during their match at Sunday’s March to Wrestlemania. Crush says okey dokey.

It’s time for the Wrestlemania Report with Todd Pettengill with a focus on the celebrities. The matches get some attention as well, though I’m not sure why Todd thinks the mixed tag is mysterious.

Virgil vs. Jeff Jarrett

DiBiase isn’t exactly happy to see Virgil, who chases Jarrett into the ropes to start. A shoulder works a bit better for Jarrett but he gets taken down into a hammerlock. An armdrag sets up another hammerlock as the announcers make fun of the White House communications director. Virgil hits an atomic drop, which Vince calls a reverse piledriver. As I try to figure that out, Jeff grabs a DDT for the sudden pin.

Rating: D. Nothing to see here, though listening to DiBiase rip on Virgil three years after their split is still funny. Jarrett was still figuring things out at the moment in the WWF, which he never really pulled off. Virgil has to be about done with the company, though who would notice if he was gone?

Jeff Jarrett is on the cover of a country music magazine so Vince accuses DiBiase and Jarrett of being involved in fraud. Ok then.

The President of the Hair Club for Men is the official Wrestlemania hair consultant so we see what Mr. Fuji would look like with hair. Clara Peller was a better celebrity than this.

Doink the Clown vs. Mike Sharpe

Sharpe chases after Dink to start and gets kicked down. A shoulder lets Sharpe point at his head so Doink dropkicks him to scramble said huge brains. Some choking on the ropes slow Dink down as Vince manages to go on with one sentence about Wrestlemania for about a minute straight. The Whoopee Cushion (top rope seated senton) finishes Sharpe.

Chief Jay Strongbow and Chief Wahoo McDaniel and an actual Native American chief are in the ring to present Tatanka with an actual headdress. It’s kind of a cool moment and Tatanka gives a nice speech about respecting his ancestors and the men next to him. Strongbow says he’s proud of him and McDaniel (not McDaniels) says full steam ahead as Tatanka is actually crying as he has the headdress put on.

IRS vs. Mark Thomas

Before the match, IRS says Tatanka owes a gift tax on that headdress. Thomas has been around here before and is jacked. Vince takes this opportunity to talk about Cincinnati Reds owner Marge Schott and various other baseball stories. I don’t know if Vince wants to be a talk show host or what but this is really stupid. IRS takes him down with a snapmare but misses a charge into the corner so Thomas can roll him up for two.

That’s about it for Thomas’ offense as IRS slaps on an abdominal stretch. DiBiase: “I taught him everything I know.” IRS grabs the ropes, making DiBiase affirm that he did in fact teach IRS everything he knows. Now it’s time to work on the leg for a bit, followed by the jumping clothesline to finish Thomas. IRS is drenched in sweat after the match, likely because he wrestles in business attire.

Rating: D-. What else were you expecting here? IRS just wasn’t that good in the ring (fine, but not good) and watching him work a squash isn’t the most interesting thing in the world. At least they didn’t stay out there that long and beating someone who looked like Thomas was better than the usual schlubs that served as jobbers a lot of the time.

Jim Cornette and the Heavenly Bodies come out to rant about how Japanese cars are better than American cars to hype up Jimmy Del Ray vs. Lex Luger at the March to Wrestlemania. Speaking of Wrestlemania, Luger is only going to wrestle once at Wrestlemania and he’s losing to Yokozuna. As for Sunday and Del Ray, Cornette: “Luger, he’s going to hit you from so many different directions that you’re going to think you’re in a pinball machine and he just got an extra ball.” WHERE DOES HE COME UP WITH THIS STUFF???

Overall Rating: C-. The featured match being watchable is about as good as you can get around here and the rest of the show was only somewhat bad. Wrestlemania X is a special show and the build to it feels a little different as well. This wasn’t a great show and could have used more Bret, but at least what we got was pretty acceptable.

I’m not doing March to Wrestlemania and there’s no show on March 14 so the next episode is March 21.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2003 Smackdown Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

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