Beach Blast 1992

This is a very underrated show with two excellent matches on it and some ok stuff to go with it.  Check it out if you get the chance.

Beach Blast 1992
Date: June 20, 1992
Location: Mobile Civic Center, Mobile, Alabama
Attendance: 5,000
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jesse Ventura

So back in the day, there was apparently a need for a summer PPV and this was it. Now considering that this was the early 90s WCW, let’s see how we can manage to mess up what is a potentially good card on paper. We have Steamboat and Rude in a 30 minute iron man match. That sounds pretty good. We have Sting vs. Cactus Jack, falls count anywhere.

Those are my two favorite wrestlers ever in the same match with a cool gimmick. Again, that sounds pretty good. Scotty Flamingo (Raven) vs. Brian Pillman. DUDE, this show sounds AWESOME! With all that, what could we POSSIBLY have as the headliner? It’s the Steiners vs. two guys that most of you will never hear of: Terry Gordy and Steve Williams.

In other words, our old friends the NWA have decided that THEY are what everyone is here to see and now WCW. All those other great matches are just window dressing. We have what people are here for: a team maybe 3% of the crowd has ever heard of! Oh this is pure brilliance let me tell you. Anyway, the card looks good and I remember this show pretty well, so let’s get to it.

Tony and Eric try to talk about the tag match which I guess was hyped up but I’d guess that most people still don’t care. Watts is here too and he keeps changing the name of the light heavyweight title. The fans die when he talks mind you. I’m pretty sure the top rope rule is in effect here. You can see the announcer trying to get the fans into the show. That’s not something you want to have on television guys.

Ventura has his own entrance with pyro and four women. He was just awesome and he’s wearing shorts for this.

Light Heavyweight Title: Scotty Flamingo vs. Brian Pillman

Like I said, it’s Raven as a beach guy. Pillman is his usual insane self but in a good way here. Imagine Raven wearing pink biker shorts. That’s very odd indeed. We get some very nice chain wrestling which gets a decent pop from the crowd. The speed here on Raven is very interesting indeed as it just isn’t like him at all but it’s working rather well.

Pillman works the arm over for a LONG time but as he goes up top he’s told he’ll be disqualified if he jumps off. Yes, in the light heavyweight division, we can’t have people jump off the top rope. WE WANT ARMBARS! Oh there also are no mats outside so when you get thrown out you land on concrete. Watts actually defended this as making the wrestlers tough.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Seriously, there’s a big difference between toughening the wrestlers up and being a freaking jerk that needs to get over himself HUGE. We shift into a mat based match which is fine as it’s what Scotty is best at. We’ve had WAY too many chinlocks in this.

Ok now we’re picking it up a bit as Pillman is just going nuts which means that the match is getting a lot better. After all kinds of jumping around and going all over the place though he dives at Flamingo on the ramp and just slams into the ramp. A knee to the back and Scotty gets the pin. My guess is that wasn’t a legit injury but it could have been.

Rating: B-. The chinlocks and rest holds killed this one from being great for me. I think 18 minutes was a bit too long for these two but it wasn’t a trainwreck at all. The parts that were good were good and the parts that were bad were bad. I liked it but a few minutes cut out would have helped it a lot.

We start the bikini contest between Madusa and Missy Hyatt with Johnny B. Badd because that makes perfect sense. Ventura flat out asks if he likes women and says he can’t tell. There are three rounds here: evening gown, swimsuit and bikini. Naturally bikinis only comprise one third of a bikini contest but it’s WCW so there we go.

Mero was somehow more annoying here than he was as Wildman. Oh you can vote by paying to call the hotline but the audience decides the winner. That’s rather brilliant actually. Missy is in white and looks decent. Madusa comes out in a wedding dress, complete with a veil. That’s saying a lot. Yep that’s it.

Buy the Great American Bash! We promise it won’t suck even though it totally does!

Terry Taylor vs. Ron Simmons

Taylor is the Tailor Made Man at the moment, which translates into him being an annoying pest at the moment. Now to be fair, that’s what he usually does but here’s he’s being especially pesty. Simmons was as over as he would ever be in his career and thankfully they capitalized on it by making him world champion in two months. We’ll get into how badly they botched it later on.

Jesse asks what the point of getting a key to the city is and he’s got a great point. This match is freaking boring. Why in the world would anyone think that someone would want to see Terry freaking Taylor run a match? Simmons keeps getting a few shots in here and there but Taylor keeps using boring chinlocks etc. And from out of nowhere he hits the powerslam for the pin. It was relatively short but it felt like it went on forever.

Rating: D+. This was just not that good. Taylor is someone that I never could stand but he kept getting work for some reason. Simmons would get a HUGE push soon enough though so this is just setting all of that up.

Simmons says he wants the title.

Greg Valentine vs. Marcus Bagwell

Seriously, WHO thought this was a good idea? I want them shot. And we’re five minutes in and no one cares at all. This just isn’t interesting in the slightest to the shock of no one with any intelligence. Crowd is DEAD by the way. The wrestling is ok I guess but seriously, it’s Greg Valentine vs. Marcus Bagwell on PPV.

This goes on forever it seems although it’s only about seven minutes again. To my complete and utter shock, Valentine gets the clean submission. Yes, they took Greg Valentine and put him over the rookie of the year. I can’t believe this company ever made a dime.

Rating: D-. This is mainly for just making my head hurt. Seriously, who in the world thought this was a good idea??? After a good opener we have two matches that are just wastes of time. At least Simmons won which makes sense. This is just stupid though.

Sting vs. Cactus Jack

OH YES. Keep in mind that this is falls count anywhere. Foley called this his best match for a good many years until he fought Shawn. Cactus had been hired by Lex Luger to beat up Sting and had been feuding with him since. This is non title mind you. Sting is the second man that can look manly in pink.

Cactus waits for him on the ramp and Sting takes his robe and the belt off and is just like let’s freaking do this and they fight on the ramp. I think Fonzie, the referee, hurt his wrist or something as he’s moving gingerly. Since there are no mats, Cactus hurts his knee on the concrete. He does that sunset flip that he does which is awesome. In case you can’t tell, this is one of my favorite matches ever so I won’t likely be impartial at all here.

They’re just getting VIOLENT here and it’s awesome. We’re in the crowd now as we haven’t actually hit the ring yet. Foley is bumping like a freaking madman out there. This is revolutionary stuff back in the day mind you. Cactus hits a discus lariat on Sting which was later stolen by DDP. He said on a DVD commentary that only his good moves were stolen.

Cactus starts wrestling Sting to shock the heck out of Ventura. And then he slaps him like a freaking idiot. We bust out the chairs now as the fans are into this. Sting gets a nice belly to back suplex and what I mean by that is he just picks him up and drops him on the concrete. Again, who needs mats? We’re TOUGH!

Oddly enough this was a Saturday. That’s very odd. Sting gets the chair on the ramp and just goes off on him with it. He keeps hitting him in the back but Cactus won’t stay down, so Sting just blasts the leg with it which works. We go to the end of the ramp near the ring and Sting hits a flying clothesline onto the ramp for the pin. AWESOME match.

Rating: A. No I’m not impartial but screw it. This was 12 minutes of just pure fighting with almost no letting up at all. They beat the living tar out of each other and I love it every time. This was unheard of at the time so while it’s rather tame today, this was AWESOME back then and it holds up as a good brawl today. Awesome match and DEFINITELY worth tracking down. Go watch this match like now.

Ironman Match: Ricky Steamboat vs. Rick Rude

Rude is champion here, but this isn’t for the belt. Apparently neither were for the title as gimmicks can’t be title matches. In other words Watts would have either made Flair/Race non title or taken down the cage. Steamboat comes out with his wife and kid. She wound up being a horrid person. They have the clock going on screen which is nice.

Steamboat gets a quick gutbuster, and when I say quick I mean like 10 seconds in and he’s hurt. These are both guys that are perfect choices for this kind of match too as they both can go long times with relative ease. Steamboat hits a bearhug as we keep up the psychology. Steamboat just goes on the ribs and that’s all he should be doing.

Rude taps but no one knew what that meant at this point. We get a Boston crab now and another thing to note here: Steamboat is mixing up the rib attacks. It’s not just a submission here and a submission there. He’s hitting strikes and submissions which he also alters a lot. It keeps things from being boring and bland which is a great thing. This has been ALL Steamboat here.

That being said, Rude gets a shot to the face and a rollup with tights to go up 1-0. He follows it up with the Rude Awakening to make it 2-0 so we’re more or less guaranteed a hot finish. Rude goes up top and lands a knee which is of course a DQ because Bill Watts is an idiot. He immediately covers and gets another pin to make it 3-1.

Steamboat taps also so they’re even on submissions. That clock really is helpful. I can’t stand trying to figure out how long we’ve been in a match most of the time as it drives me insane and I have a thing about time anyway. It’s a weird OCD thing. It’s always fun to see the announcers at ringside doing commentary as you can see their reactions to things. That’s something I do as often as I can.

For once I don’t mind the chinlocks here as they make sense from Rude. Given his two fall lead, him using those suck time off the clock and put more pressure on Steamboat. That’s thinking out there which is my biggest thing. Rude does a good job of calling spots to Steamboat as it looks like he’s just tired and resting a bit. They’re back up now and Rude hits a sweet piledriver for two.

Steamboat counters a tombstone by climbing up Rude to get his own tombstone to make it 3-2. That was cool. We actually have to debate about whether or not a top rope suplex is an illegal move. Forget Bill Watts and his cowboying nonsense. Steamboat gets an AWESOME bridge up to a backslide for a pin for the tie and they crank it up like they’re at 30 seconds. This is freaking fun stuff.

Rude is controlling here but they’re just hammering each other for the most part due to fatigue as they’re both drenched in sweat. Ross has severe issues telling how long they’ve been going for which is either amusing or sad and I’m not sure which. Ross says this is the best nontitle match he’s ever seen. Odd, I saw a better one 45 minutes ago.

Steamboat hits a Rude Awakening as I try to figure out what the difference is between the guy getting hit with it and the guy doing it. Rude gets smart and jumps on Steamboat for a sleeper and then Steamboat gets the best turnbuckle shot I can remember in a long time to knock the heck out of Rude. That was awesome as is this whole match. Actually that doesn’t break it.

We have three minutes left as I’ve completely forgotten to put any times in but in the end though it means nothing as the last few minutes are all that matters anyway so if you’ve gotten this far in this far too long sentence don’t read it at all. Steamboat is almost out with two minutes to go. I’ve always hated how adrenaline or whatever causes guys that are out cold for the most part to be able to just pop up all of a sudden despite a lack of blood flow to the brain.

He gets up and kicks off the corner for a quick pin with 35 seconds left and the place freaking LOSES IT. Rude goes nuts with clotheslines and shoulders but can’t keep Steamboat down. He tries everything and the crowd if freaking the heck out as the time expires. AWESOME ENDING to say the least.

Rating: A. That’s overrated more than likely but this was awesome stuff to me. The rest holds made sense here which is something you can rarely say. The iron man aspect worked very well too as it came down to Steamboat being able to last longer and have energy in the end rather than starting hot and coasting. I really liked this and it’s another you should go find.

Round two of the contest, because we have to drag things down after two back to back classics. Madusa wears a one piece that’s ok at best. Missy wears a bikini in the round before the bikini contest. Just go with it.

Face Filler Team vs. Heel Filler Team

The heels are Anderson, Eaton and Austin while the faces are Rhodes, Koloff and Windham. This is at the VERY end of Koloff’s main stream career. Ole Anderson of all people is referee here. He would retire after Halloween Havoc so he had 4 months left. That surprises me. Oh and the heels are all in the Dangerous Alliance. And this is very boring too.

Only Bill Watts would think it was a good idea to put the matches in this order. Instead of the two classics we had with the, ahem, CHAMPIONS, we have this and then the tag titles going on last. Screw this ridiculous mentality. The world champion goes on last, period. I have zero interest in this match and I’ll have zero interest in the main event.

Why will that be the case? I’d go with because the two good matches with the biggest stars in the company were in the middle of the show. There’s nothing to say about this as it’s just random stuff going on here and there. And then we get zero payoff as Arn comes off the top rope like a sane man and that’s the DQ. Give me a freaking break.

Rating: D+. No one cared at all here and you could tell the fans were just dead. This ran over 15 minutes, or about four minutes longer than Sting and Cactus. Cut this in half and at the end of the day it was just a it’s bearable, but this was WAY too long.

Steamboat is with Bischoff and says that this was a big night but Dangerously shows up and says no more title shots before Cactus Jack jumps Steamboat. OH YES. There is NO WAY that even WCW could messthis up. Do you realize how idiotic and incompetent you would have to be to mess up Mick Foley vs. Ricky Steamboat?

I mean you would have to be the dumbest, the stupidest, the most inept…they botched it didn’t they? Naturally the NWA stuck it’s fat nose into WCW’s business and took all the good talent to put into a tournament that went on forever to get official NWA tag champions.

The tournament was as simple as you could imagine as Gordy and Williams won because they were the best team in the world and the NWA made sure you knew it. Who cares that it messed up the entire WCW plan and gave us Jack managing Barbarian instead of fighting Steamboat? Watts had NO problem with this and even had it go over a Vader/Sting world title match next month. That man deserves an award named after him.

We finish the contest as Badd looks like a gymnast on shore leave. He won’t answer Jesse’s question of if he likes girls. Madusa wears a bikini and chaps. This is just freaking stupid. Missy’s has apparently been stolen so she steals Ventura’s headbands to make a new one which takes three seconds apparently.

She’s wearing more in this round than she was last time. Of course she wins. Medusa goes after Badd and knocks him into the tent she was dressing in and apparently stood in for about 45 minutes at a time. Badd comes out with her top in his hands so Jesse dives in and then declares her the winner.

Tony and Eric try to make this seem like a big deal but the fans are more dead than the NWA.

WCW Tag Titles; Terry Gordy/Steve Williams vs. Steiners

The NWA tag title tournament starts tomorrow so this more or less means nothing, since they were unified as soon as the tournament ended with the WCW tag belts and stayed that way for about a year. Of course in the end that would mean jack as the NWA decided to go back and erase all title reigns that had WCW involved so the Rock N Roll Express are the official first champions, getting the belts in 1995.

Naturally they went with two old guys way past their prime that no one cared about anymore. Anyway, the match is good. It’s very  good actually. There’s just one problem: it’s main eventing a major PPV instead of Sting vs. Cactus Jack or Rick Rude vs. Ricky Steamboat. Yes, these are the two best tag teams in the world. Yes, this is a dream matchup.

Yes, this would sell out a 50,000 seat arena in Japan. The problem here: WE’RE IN AMERICA. The two big matches tonight didn’t get pops. They got explosions. This is getting a small reaction at best because no one wants to see it other than a bunch of old people. Yes, this is pure wrestling but it’s freaking BORING.

It also makes no money at all because people simply aren’t going to pay to see it. Gordy and Williams can outwrestle anyone. Good for them. Wake me when the match is over. Watts and the NWA just refused to get that and they clung to their old mentalities all the way to the poor house.

The other problem here is that more or less, the tag version of Steamboat vs. Savage was promised but at the end of the day it’s just a good tag match. We’re twenty minutes in and while this has been good stuff, it’s far from anything that I’m drooling over.

The announcers more or less bury American wrestling by saying how great everything is in Japan and how the titles will change hands. I get that you’re trying to build the Steiners up later on as the guys that survive this, but give them a bit of credit.

Most people don’t know who the Miracle Violence Connection (Gordy and Williams’ team name which of course they’re not called here) even are but they’re main eventing a PPV. You can see the finishing coming from a mile away too: the time limit. And there it is as Scott can’t hit the Frankensteiner on time and the thirty minutes are up, allegedly for a big ending. Yeah that’s it.

Rating: B. Like I said it was good but the booking was just flat out stupid here. Watts is one of those guys that actually believes what he’s doing is the right thing. This freaking tournament that was coming up literally was the Great American Bash other than a world title match which was overlooked so we could have a boring tag match after it.

The problem was that instead of logical booking, the NWA and Watts went with realistic booking, which is freaking BORING. The MVC were the best team so they pushed them to the win. What is appealing about that at all? Anyway, the match was good but it made zero sense to put it at the end.

Overall Rating: A-. DEFINITELY a show that needs to be watched out of order. You put Sting and Foley as the main event here and it’s bordering on an A+. There’s some stupid stiff but overall this is a fantastic show. It closed a lot of feuds and set up a lot of new ones while having great matches to do it. What more can you ask for? Definitely check this out but watch Sting and Cactus last. You’ll enjoy it much better that was.