Impact Wrestling – January 26, 2016: The Annual Jeff Hardy Injury Show

Impact Wrestling
Date: January 26, 2016
Location: Sands Bethlehem Events Center, Bethlehem, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Josh Matthews, D’Angelo Dinero

Tonight is a special show with the annual Feast or Fired match. In other words, there are four briefcases hung above the ring. You climb a corner and grab a briefcase and try your luck. Three cases contain title shots (World Title, Tag Team Title and King of the Mountain Title) and one pink slip. The big moment is then finding out who has what. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of the last man standing match with Matt Hardy beating Ethan Carter III for the World Title in a double turn.

Here’s Jeff Hardy to open things up. He saw what happened last week and it made him sick. That’s why he needs answers right now so the new World Champion needs to get out here right now. Matt’s new music starts off with him saying “I AM ICONIC.” Oh sweet goodness this is going to be a long day. Matt comes out with his wife Reby Sky and Tyrus, who is carrying Matt’s son. Jeff says this is a family issue so it needs to be just the two of them.

Reby laughs that off because she and Matt are a real family. Where was Jeff when the world was turning their back on Matt? It’s time for Matt to stop giving and start taking. Jeff calls all of them some rather rude names and starts a WHY MATT WHY chant. Matt laughs off the fans and says it’s not his fault that Jeff is a cripple. Now Jeff is just the other Hardy and that’s not something he’s going to be able to understand. However, Jeff is now cleared to wrestle so what about a title match tonight? Matt shakes his head and says he washes his hands of everything that happens tonight.

The roster talks about Feast or Fired and explains the basic concept.

Matt vs. Jeff is announced for later with the title on the line.

Feast or Fired

James Storm, Robert Roode, Aiden O’Shea, Bram, Drew Galloway, Chris Melendez, Eric Young, Grado, Jesse Godderz, Robbie E., Eli Drake, Rockstar Spud

Eric is King of the Mountain Champion so he might get a shot at his own title. It’s a huge brawl to start with various people trying to go up after the briefcases but being pulled back down. Robbie dives over the top to dive onto Jesse. Melendez, now in long pants to hide his metal leg, clotheslines Aiden to the floor but gets suplexed by Eric. Roode hits a Blockbuster on Bram but Spud escapes the Roode Bomb. The second attempt sends Spud flying over the top onto a pile of people and the ring is cleared out. Grado crotches O’Shea to make a save and goes up to pull down the first briefcase as we take a break.

Back with everyone still brawling, including Drew clotheslining Bram and Eric down at the same time. Drake ties Galloway in the Tree of Woe, only to have Drew sit up into a German suplex to throw Eli down and grab another briefcase. Young and Spud go up but O’Shea pulls Spud down. Eric goes after Robbie instead and we get a Tower of Power (no longer Doom for some reason) with Melendez powerbombing the two of them down. A bad looking hurricanrana from Storm puts O’Shea down and Roode adds a top rope splash.

Jesse clotheslines Beer Money down but gets caught going up. The distraction lets Drake go up and pull down a third case. Bram and Young are the only ones left in the ring but beat up Melendez and Spud instead of climbing. The delay allows Beer Money to come in and clean house but Roode gets knocked off the top by Eric. Storm hits a Backstabber to pull Young off the top, followed by a Last Call to Bram. Roode gets back in and tells Storm to go get the case to end the match at 16:05.

Rating: D+. I never know how to rate this thing as it’s so all over the place and you only kind of have winners since eight people don’t win and a fourth is out of the company. The match didn’t have any major high spots because we’re just kind of waiting around until the last case is brought down by the fourth winner.

Kurt Angle checks on Jeff Hardy, who says he’s tired of Reby being in Matt’s ear lately. Yeah screw that wife nonsense.

X-Division Title: Tigre Uno vs. Mandrews vs. DJZ

Tigre is defending. It’s all over the place to start with the champ being sent outside, leaving Mandrews to backflip away from a charge and knock DJZ down with a dropkick. Tigre comes back in and rolls up DJZ while he’s backsliding Mandrews. That’s followed by an Indian Deathlock on DJZ and a Gory Stretch on Mandrews at the same time, only to have the champ sent outside again.

DJZ dropkicks Tigre off the apron and scores with a big flip dive, followed by Mandrews’ skateboarding down the ramp into a headscissors spot. Back in and DJZ gets two off a reverse hurricanrana on Mandrews. Tigre gets up and throws DJZ out, setting up a Spanish Fly (top rope C4) for the pin on Mandrews at 6:26.

Rating: C. DO SOMETHING NEW! I’ve lost track of how many times I’ve seen these people fight and I never need to see it again. They’ve reached the point where you can call the spots because they’ve done them so many times. From what I can find, Tigre has had one singles title defense since July. Everything else has been a multi-man title defense and each one has had DJZ involved. Bring in some jobbers or something but find a way to make this more interesting.

Post match Gregory Helms comes out to say this company was built on the X-Division but Tigre’s time as champion is over. Apparently that means a title match next week.

Awesome Kong tells the Dollhouse to stay in the back while she takes someone to school.

Eli Drake is worried about what’s in his briefcase. Godderz tells him not to worry so Drake unlocks the case and teases looking inside.

Angle comes up to see Tyrus and Matt to ask what’s going on. Matt says he’s building a brand but Angle says that brand is tearing this company down. That’s not cool with Matt because Kurt is one of the two people he respects so don’t ruin that.

Awesome Kong vs. Velvet Sky

Sky hits a quick jawbreaker and starts kicking away at the leg because that’s what everyone does to giants. A clothesline drops Velvet to the floor and the ring skirt is pulled off on the way down. Back in and Velvet fires off more kicks to the leg but has to avoid a splash. Sky gets two off a running bulldog but gets run over with ease. Now the splash connects, followed by the Implant Buster for the pin at 3:40.

Rating: D. Just a squash here, even though Kong already lost the big showdown with Kim. As usual, this division is little more than a stable war with Gail Kim on top because she’s almost always Knockouts Champion. It feels like we’ve seen this same stuff for years now and I have no idea what I’m supposed to get out of all this stuff all over again.

Post match Kong goes after Sky even more but Madison Rayne runs in. This brings out the Dollhouse for the real beatdown, capped off by Kong’s middle rope splash to Sky.

The Wolves want to fight Abyss/Crazzy Steve for the sneak attack last week.

It’s time for the Feast or Fired reveal because waiting until next week is a bad idea around here. Before we get the openings, Michael Bennett and Maria come in and say one of these guys is going to need a miracle. He’s always in for a good train wreck though so he’s going to sit back and watch. Drew isn’t cool with that because he’s not the kind of a guy who is going to stand around waiting on something to happen. Galloway says Maria is the brains of the outfit and a fight is teased but Mike and Maria leave. Back to the reveals with Drake volunteering to go first. Inside his case: King of the Mountain Title shot. We’ll finish this later.

The Wolves want Crazzy Steve out here right now to get their title back from Crazzy Steve and whoever helped him steal them last week (it was pretty clearly Abyss). A woman comes out in something like a Harley Quinn outfit saying everything will decay. This brings out Crazzy Steve, followed by Abyss as we take a break.

Wolves vs. Abyss/Crazzy Steve

This is joined in progress and it’s not clear if the titles are on the line. Abyss splashes Eddie in the corner and brings in Steve to fishhook the jaws. It’s quickly back to Abyss who allows the tag to Davey but takes him down just as fast. Steve comes back in and bites Davey’s boot, which apparently hurts.

Not that it matters as Davey kicks him off and brings in Eddie to clean house. Steve bites his way out of the Backpack Stunner but gets thrown into the air for the kick to the chest. The creepy woman appears on the stage with the titles though to distract Davey, leaving Eddie to take the Black Hole Slam. Steve mists Davey and that’s a DQ at 6:03.

Rating: D+. Well I guess it’s better than nothing. They have to build up someone to feud with the Wolves after most of the other teams have left. However, it’s pretty clear that we’re going to see Beer Money vs. the Wolves in the big showdown at some point so this is really just a filler. At least it’s better than two generic guys though.

Post match Steve puts Davey in the crossface chickenwing while the woman bites Richards’ shoulder.

Back to the briefcase reveals as JB explains the rules for probably the fifth time. Storm goes next and promises to give Roode the World Title shot if he finds it. James is distraught by what he finds but it’s a Tag Team Title shot. Drew opens his case and finds the World Title shot, meaning Grado is fired, which takes a second to kick in. A lot of sadness ensues until Grado leaves the room.

TNA World Title: Matt Hardy vs. Jeff Hardy

Matt is defending and is now named Big Money Matt during the big match intros. The bell rings but here’s Eric freaking Young to yell about how he should get the title shot. As he yells, Bram comes in from behind and the beatdown is on. Officially the “match” ended at 39 seconds but there was never any contact.

Matt leaves Jeff to get beaten down and Young pulls out a chair. Beer Money makes the save but Steve and Abyss run in to keep the villains in control. Roode and Storm clear them out as well but the four of them head up the ramp, leaving Matt to stand over Jeff. Cue Kurt Angle but Tyrus decks him from behind. Matt and company leave, allowing Eric to piledrive Jeff through the table to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. Well they certainly didn’t bore me tonight. The Hardys fighting isn’t interesting to me in the slightest and you could tell it wasn’t going anywhere tonight because they’re coming up on the European tour, meaning it’s time for Jeff to go away for a little while. The rest of the show was all over the place and they did a good enough job with Feast or Fired, though again one of the same issues comes through: TNA doesn’t know how to take their time.

Matt vs. Jeff and Feast or Fired could have been built up for weeks but instead they’re both blown off in the span of a single night. Slow things down for a bit and let these stories build up so there’s a bit more, forgive me, impact. This happens way too often around here and it gets annoying as almost nothing has the chance to build up and give you a big payoff.

Results

Grado, Drew Galloway, Eli Drake and James Storm won Feast or Fired

Tigre Uno b. DJZ and Mandrews – Spanish Fly to Mandrews

Awesome Kong b. Velvet Sky – Implant Buster

Wolves b. Abyss/Crazzy Steve via DQ when Steve sprayed mist in Davey’s face

Jeff Hardy b. Matt Hardy via DQ when Bram interfered

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